The eye of her storm
by DarcyGreyCoulter
Summary: Dauntless is fascinated by the new Amity-transfer. She's gorgeous, witty and incredibly brave, but behind that smokescreen of being 'fun and games' lies a darker foundation of multiple layers painful past. Eric's Erudite-side is desperate to figure out the enigma called Keena, in attempt to gain back control. M for later chapters. Divergents are hunted but no war. I only own Keena.
1. Chapter 1: Test Day

It was Test Day and the Hub was filled with hundreds of 18-year-olds, waiting for their turn to take the test. The test would show them where they belonged and for most of them the results would not come as a surprise. For those people, Test Day contained nothing more than getting the confirmation of what they already knew and had made peace with ages ago.

It wasn't so simple for Katherina. She felt like the only person in the room that actually had no clue of where she belonged. She could make peace with all AND none of them. They all suited her equally as much as they did not and it confused her to no end.

Erudite, for example, - the faction of the smart - would suit her well because she loved knowledge. Ever since she could remember she would pass most of her free-time reading. Not that she'd had much free-time but alas, that was beside the point. The factionmembers of Erudite were all highly intelligent and spent their days researching, inventing or reinventing things in one way or another. Katharina loved gaining new knowledge and applying it to better certain aspects in her life and as she had always been a top-student she figured she would probably be intelligent enough to survive the Erudite-initiation. On top of that, Erudites loved out-smarting each other and she had always loved a good competition as well as intelligent debates. Choosing Erudite would be a rather good option and she would enjoy her job, whatever it may be.

The only downside Katherina saw in Erudite were the people. They valued knowledge above anything else and were willing to cross some ethical bounds for that. They were cold and calculated people in every aspect of their lives. Most marriages were solely based on genes and IQ to make genetically superior children who'd hopefully out-do their parents one day. To Katherina it looked more like a breeding program than anything else and she didn't think she could live without love, no matter how Amity that made her sound. Of course, there was the option that Katharina would be one of the rare lucky ones to marry for love but was it a risk she was willing to take? Of course, choosing other factions didn't guarantee a happy love life either. No matter where she went, she could always end up alone.

Then there was Candor, the faction of the honest. Honesty had something very noble about it and it was nice to be able to trust people on their words. Katharina hated blatant liars, she preferred the painful truth over a sweet lie any time. In her early years alone, too many people had raised her hopes and dreams with lies only to crush her down with the truth later on. She'd developed a firm resolution to never hurt people that way at the juvenile age of only seven. She hadn't spoken a lie ever since, yet she had become a master of deception. In Katharina's experience, lying was a form of deceit, where deception was not.

"Lying" involved one person verbally telling another person something that is false in an attempt to make the second person believe this falsehood as a truth. It is done with the specific intention of causing harm to another person - even if this harm only exists of misknowledge, making it a form of deceit.

"Deception" is more closely associated with the accomplishment of purposeful misguidance or misdirection. Often done in a physical way through mimicry and camouflage, it serves Katharina in a way to protect herself, but carries no negative nonnotation of willful malfeasance. People simply make their own false conclusions but are not urged to believe these falsehoods by the conformation of it through lies.

This was where Candor and Katharina clashed. Candor saw deception as lying, where Katharina saw it merely as a form of hiding the truth. Candor demanded every member to bare their souls out on the table, but Katharina wasn't willing to do that. She liked the no-lying concept of Candor, but she also really liked privacy. Although you would never catch her in a lie, she had her ways to divert attention from an asked question, simply to not having to answer. If people would persist on her answer, she would simply not reply, but in Candor you couldn't do that. Katharina would never be a crystal-clear person you could read like an open book and she was pretty sure she didn't want to be either. This meant, Candor was out.

Which faction was also very much out of the question was Abnegation, the faction of the selfless. Katharina just knew she didn't belong there, that much she was certain of. It was not that she wasn't a selfless person, because she was... most of the time. She did after all sacrifice her own childhood for the sake of her siblings and she also always did the right thing of helping others out where needed and standing up for elderly, kids or pregnant woman on the bus. But she was only selfless when someone needed it. It was a way of kindness, but to people just as much capable of herself to do something, she wasn't ready to obliterate herself. Becoming an Abnegation would mean living minimalistic and she would have to offer up her books, running trips and - not to mention - sex. Abnegation were very shy on the touch department, which, frankly, she was not. So, yeah, choosing Abnegation was a no-go.

Then there was the option of joining Dauntless, the faction of the brave and to Katharina the faction of her day-dreams. As a little girl she had often watched Dauntless-members jump in and out the trains as if it was their second nature. She had even tried it herself a few times when she hadn't had siblings to look after really had no obvious cons to it and choosing Dauntless would definitely give her that piece of adventure and physical activity she so craved and longed for. But she was smarter than to think of it merely as an one-way ticket to a life of adventure and excitement. That mindset would never get her anywhere. She had to make sure it was more than just a passing fancy to escape the boring domestic life she had had so far. No matter how much she liked to be in a physical challenge, she needed some mental challenge as well and se didn't know Dauntless good enough to know if they were able to provide that challenge for her.

Would she even be allowed to read or would that be too Erudite for them? Honestly, she didn't know. She had read quite a few books on fighting techniques, so in a way reading could be seen as helpful for the physical and tactical strenght a Dauntless needed to possess. That said, that kind of valuable knowledge logically should be accepted, right? Or would it be seen as a act of faction-traitory? The truth was, it was all speculation in her own mind and she simply did not know. There was only one way to find out how Dauntless looked upon the subject and that was trying it out. It really was a risk of 'try and might die', but she would definitely not belong in Dauntless if that risk would stop her for choosing Dauntless.

Last but not least, was Amity, the faction of kindness. Frankly, in Katharina's experience, the faction focussed more on peacefulness than kindness but those were minor details. It was also the faction she grew up in. Leaving this faction would mean leaving her five younger siblings behind, who she loved so very dearly. Katharina had been eight years old when her first brother was born and when he had been 5 weeks old, her mother had left the house. This was nothing new to Katharina as her mother had never been home much, but this time she had left the eight-year-old Katharina to raise a baby by herself. At first her mother still came around every other day to drop some bottles of milk in the fridge. However, every other day turned into days into weeks into months. At last, her mother only came home when she was heavily pregnant with yet another baby, only to leave her kids right after recovering from giving birth and so the cicle restarted.

Needless to say, Katharina was like a mother to her siblings and they were like kids to her. She had raised them all to her best ability and now, ten years later, she could tell herself proudly that she had given them a good foundation to become the great people they were destined to be. Yet, it didn't make the prospect of leaving them any easier.

For a long time, Katharina had just assumed she would stay in Amity forever, to be there for her siblings. But as she grew older, so did they and she had started to notice certain traits of other factions in some of them. Thomas, the oldest, had quite a knack for getting himself into dangerous situations and had the fiery spirit to match a real Dauntless. Oliver, the second, was extremely intelligent and the quite boy always had his nose in one of his mother's books. Then there was Aaron, a sweet and kind natured boy, always looking for a way to help her, he'd do well in either Amity or Abnegation. The youngest two, Dylan and Marilee, where somewhat too young to match up to a faction yet, but she was sure they were going to thrive wherever their hearts lay. The point was, even if Katharina decided to stay in Amity for her siblings, there was no way that she would want her siblings to do the same for her and the prospect of being alone in Amity made her really, really sad.

It was not that she felt like she didn't belong there, she did actually. She just felt like she didn't belong there enough - as was the case with all the other factions. Although Katharina loved the harmony and kind people and had always acted accordingly to the rules Amity implemented, she couldn't help herself from getting restless from all that harmony. She missed a passion and sense of excitement that made her glad to be alive. She was always rather bored after spending some time with fellow-Amity, even if she'd had a good time and she also couldn't help experiencing some negative and angry feelings from time to time. All her emotions had always been very severe and because that was something frowned upon in Amity, she held it all bottled up, hidden behind a smokescreen of meek kindness and smiles. It was all a façade though and she needed to lash out from time to time to release all of that negative energy.

As a child she'd beenallowed to run through the fields from time to time, climb a three or two while she was at it, but as she grew older, those liberties of 'disrupting the peace' were not given kindly anymore. Instead, last few years, she went off with a boy from time to time, to release that energy through some other physical exercise, more common in Amity. Yet again, most of those guys had done little to ease her boredom.

So practically, her siblings were the very only reason of even concidering Amity. The question now was; was she Abnegation enough to chose Amity? Katharina bitterly laughed at the irony.

She was shaken out of her review as the girl next to her tapped her finger on her shoulder. Another reason why Katharina couldn't be Amity. She would've simply nudged the girl with her elbow.

"You're Katharina Hyde, right?" The Amity girl asked sweetly. "They just called your name."

"Oh, thank you. I was too lost in my mind to notice." Katharina admitted blushing as she made her way to the front.

 _'Well, this is it; The moment of truth.'_ Katharina thought nervously as she stepped inside a white room without windows and a large dentist-like chair in the middle of it. There were wires from an attached computer dangling over the armrests as well. It looked quite the bit intimidating yet fascinating all the same.

"Name." A Candor man said bored from behind the computer, he didn't look up from the screen.

"Katharina Hyde." she answered politely.

The man's head snapped up at the mention of her name and Katharina was sure she saw a guarded curiosity in his eyes as he looked her up and down.

"Take a seat, Katharina."

The man typed something on his computer before walking over to her. Attaching the wires to her head she asked him a few questions about the wires and duration of the test, which he answered politely and, of course, truthfully as a smile crossed his lips. He handed her a bottle containing a bright blue liquid. It didn't have an odor.

"Drink up and the test will begin."

"What does it do?" Katharina asked suspiciously.

Not that she was suspicious of the liquid, she was merely curious about that. It was the man she was suspicous of. He looked at her as if he were an all-knowing God. It wasn't an uncommon look for a Candor. In fact, it was how most Candor people looked at not-Candor people. She was just frustrated that she was at the end of that look, was she really so easy to read?

"It brings you into a simulation." He answered shortly. "You're a curious one, I see, just like your mother." He pointed out with a ghost of a smile on his face.

Katharina narrowed her eyes at him. She didn't like it when people brought up her mother, especially not men she had probably fucked around with. This could very well be the father of one of her siblings.

"Amity-transfer I see," she shot back. "Or are you just one of her temporarily lays?"

"You really have no idea who I am?" The man looked genuinely shocked for a second.

She shook her head before understanding dawned onto her. Her eyes wide as saucers as she locked gaze with him. Her eyes demanding an answer to the unspoken question she didn't dare to ask aloud. She didn't even know if she wanted an answer at all.

"I am." The man said truthfully. "I am your father, Katharina."

Nope. She most definitely had not wanted an answer, she knew that now.  
Without another word she swallowed the liquid and everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2: The Test

Katharina found herself in complete darkness, if not for the spotlights on the two tables in front of her. One table displayed a knife, the other a big lump of bloody meat. Disgusting.

"Choose." Boomed a voice that seemed to come from no particular direction. The finality of that word had the alarmbel in her head ringing. She didn't like it when people told her what to do without knowing the intentions.

"Why?" She asked defiantly.

"Choose!" The voice boomed again, even harder this time. All it did was making her annoyed.

"Why? What will I do with them?" Katharina put her hands on her hips as she randomly stared around, not knowing where to focus her angry-stare on exactly. After a second she gave up and laughed at herself for even trying to intimidate a voice.

"CHOOSE!" the voice now yelled at her.

For a second she considered pretending to be the good little Amity girl and just give in to the voice its demands but she decided against it at last. This was after all the test that would show her where she belonged. If anything, she should be as true to herself and for once not act like what was expected from her but merely act how she actually felt like, right? And right now, she was getting pissed.

She reached out to stubbornly take both of the items, but some invisible force preventing her from doing just that

"Choose, before it's too late!" the voice now sounded like it was a situation between life and death.

She glanced at the knife once, before laughing out loud. She wouldn't fall for that whole "I see screaming doesn't work so lets pretend to actually care' trick. Her mother had played that card more than one time too many.

"Tell me what I will do with them and then I'll chose." It came out as a sigh, Katharina really didn't feel like arguing anymore.

"Fine, have it your way."

The tables disappeared and she now found herself in a complete white and lit room. She adjusted her eyes by blinking a few times when she heard a growling sound behind her. Immediately realizing how much trouble she was in, she slowly turned around to find a wild wolf-like dog taking on a position to attack.

' _You just had to be stubborn, didn't you?_ ' She berated herself bitterly. She could see how the meat or knife would have come in handy, although she was also glad she didn't pick the knife. She liked animals, killing it would've been a sad ordeal.

Remembering a book, she once read about wild animals, she quickly went down to the floor, making herself as small as possible as to not seem a threat to the animal. She closed her eyes as well and imagined herself to be in a small safe circle. Animals were supposed to be really sensitive for auras and such.

When Katharina realized she didn't hear the growling sound anymore, she peeked through one eye to see a puppy in front of her, eyeing her curiously with his head to the side. Immediately dropping her guard, she cuddled the puppy until she heard yet another sound behind her.

A little toddler girl was skipping towards them singing a soft song before squealing 'puppy' with two out-streched arms.

The puppy changed back into a wolf and started for the girl, but before the animal could attack, Katharina found she had jumped on top of the dog, preventing it from reaching the girl. She didn't even remember doing it or thinking about doing it, she just was.

She was thrown of off the dog and found herself in a train compartment. A man came her way.

"Do you know this man?" He asked angrily as he put a picture under her nose. Katharina got the distinct feeling that indeed she vaguely recognized the man on the photo.

"Who's asking?" There was no way she would give away a free piece of information without knowing this guy's intentions. In fact, the man had stormed towards her in such a way, she was bound to believe there was only maliciousness in his actions.

"None of your concern. Now, do you know him or not?" He spat angrily.

Katharina squeezed her eyes to pretend she was really thinking hard if she knew this man. The fact was, the more she looked at the picture, the more she got the feeling she knew him from somewhere, she just couldn't put her finger on it.

"I don't see how me knowing him would help you."

"Give answer to my question!" he yelled in one of those whisper-yells that are actually pretty creepy.

Katharina stared at him blankly, shrugging her shoulders.

"After you answer any of mine."

"Please, it would save my life." his voice had turned to desperation.

Katharina scoffed. _Really?_ Twice in one test the same old ' _get angry, get desperate_ ' trick? How stupid did they think she was.

"Pray tell me, how would it be helpful whether or not I know this man?"

" **DO YOU KNOW HIM OR NOT**?!" he fully yelled. To be honest, she preferred this over the whisper-yelling any time. Pure anger she could take, pent up evil she could less.

"I might." she yawned.

"You little bitch.." the man lunged at her but she trew him off, effectively kicking him off the train as well. It hadn't been her intention to actually kill the simulation but it had happened nonetheless.

' _Well, there goes Amity_ ' She mumbled to herself as she numbly stared at the opening in the train compartment where the man had just fallen out.

Everything went black before she opened her eyes and found herself back in the test-room, the Candor man - her father, she reminded herself growling - hovering above her with an anxious look on his face.

"You need to leave... NOW!" he pulled her up from her arm. She yanked it from his grip but he grabbed it again as he led her to a back-door.

"Wow, stop manhandling me! What is your problem!" she hissed as they walked through some small hallways to a fire exit.

He let go of her arm at once.

"I'm sorry Katharina. You had them all. She'll kill you. You do need to leave _now_." he looked around frightened.

"But the test.. and I.. But.. Huh?" Nothing made sense and so the 'sentense' she had tried to form didn't particularly made sense either.

"The test didn't work on you. Your result wasn't just one faction. You're Divergent, Katharina."

She let this sink in. She had heard of Divergents in tales around the campfire at Amity once or twice but it was supposed to be just a myth. She had searched the entire library at school to find out more about the subject the first time she had heard about it, but there hadn't been a single chapter on.

"So which two factions do I have?"

Mr Candor - she refused to refer to him as her father - hesitated a second.

"You didn't just get two, you got all of them Katharina."

"How's that even possible, I only heard gohst stories about people with two?" She was surprised at how collected she sounded, maybe she was to logical to let her mind cloud with panic.

"I never heard of it being able to have all 5 either, but it is true. In the first room, you should've ruled out either Amity - by choosing the knife - or Dauntless - by choosing the meat. But since you picked neither, all factions were still on the table. Then you prevented yourself from being attacked by knowledge you had instead. Which ruled in an extra Erudite, but it didn't rule the rest out. By attacking the dog to save the girl, you ruled in an extra Abnegation and Dauntless as well. Moving on to the train, you didn't tell the truth but you also didn't particularly lie, meaning Candor was neither ruled out, nor extra ruled in. You asked a lot of questions, ruling in an extra Erudite and when you didn't tell the man that you knew the man on the photo eventhough this would mean saving the man's life, it took down your extra Abnegation but it didn't rule it out. When the man attacked you, you fought back, ruling in another Daunless. Concluding all five factions as your test-results, with both Erudite and Dauntless as your two most dominant factions but in truth you have a knack for all of them."

"So what happens now?" It was a lame way of breaking the silence, but her mind hadn't been able to process everything said, just yet.

"Divergents are being hunted down by Jeanine Matthews for research. If she ever figures out what you are, you're a dead man walking. You can't tell anyone about this, Katharina, no one is to be trusted. Do you understand?"

She nodded. "I do."

"Good. I have erased the data out of the system. I'm throwing it down on our family reunion. You freaked out and walked out of there without doing a test, okay?"

"You're willing to lie for me?" She could handle all the buzz around her being divergent, but the fact that this Candor man, she had never met in her entire life was willing to lie for her was a bit too much to believe.

"You're my daughter, Katharina, whether you want to acknowledge that or not."

Katharina scoffed but the man continued.

"I might have not been there for you while growing up but I do love you and I am not willing to let you get murdered if I can help it."

That rendered her silent for a little bit.

"Well, I can't say I love you, but I am a big enough person to admit to be grateful that you're willing to lie to save my life, Mr... Candor."

"Your mother didn't even tell you my name, did she?" he looked quite upset.

All truth be told, her mother had only ever spoken of him in a drunken tirade and always referred to him as the lying 'cum' of a bitch. Katharina really hadn't cared that much, to her he had always been the anonymous sperm-donor she'd had no interest in meeting with. But now he stood before her and was willing to help her... Well, she didn't particularly like him, but she was at least a bit curious about him.

"She has mentioned you, once or twice but she never used a name."

"Bryan. Bryan Parson." They shook hands and it was in that moment that a sound of footsteps was heard in the hallways.

"Be carefull, Katharina. It was nice to finally meet you at last." He opened the door of the fire exit for her.

A gohst of a smile on her lips.

"Thanks for helping me, Bryan." And with those words she left the building, heading home.


	3. Chapter 3: Choosing Ceremony

Katharina wanted to scream.

She currently found herself squished in between a douzen Amities, Candors and Erudites in an overly packed elevator. Every single one of them looked or tried to look at her. The Amities with pity, the Candors with concern and the Erudites with haughtiness.

She wanted to scream that they should all mind their own buisiness. Instead, she fidgeted with the oval locket necklace around her neck and tried to block them out.

The doors openend and she hurried herself to the Amity section. More whispering comments made their way to her ears.

"Emma doesn't deserve to be an Amity. She doesn't even come to her daughter's choosing ceremony!"

"Poor girl, she must be an orphan."

"Is she alone?"

Alone. Everyone said the word as if it were a infectious deathly disease. As if it were a bad word that was not supposed to be mentioned. People - especially in Amity - assumed that people who were alone, were per definition lonely. But for Katharina nothing could be further from the truth.

She was often alone, and found a certain quietness and peacefulness in it, that she quite enjoyed. She wouldn't even bother explaining that to an Amity of all people. They thought peacefulness could only derive from being together in a happy bliss of solidarity.

The funny thing was however, that the moments Katharina did feel lonely was when she was surrounded by people. People she couldn't connect with. Often she had been seated at the Amity diner tables and let the meaningless conversations about nailpolish or some cute guy wash over her without participating. It was in those moments she was lonely.

Being lonely was that kind of aching that resonates in your chest. That dull, constant feeling that follows you around and is impossible to shake no matter what you do or whom your with. The feeling of being misunderstood and not understanding others.

She knew she would be lonely if she stayed in Amity. That's why she'd decided to leave her faction today.

She hadn't slept all night, preferring to watch her little brothers and sister one last time. When she got home yesterday they had played together all day and had made blueberry pancakes - the kids's favorite dish - for dinner.

After dinner, her only true Amity friend had come around. Martha was a 33-year-old Erudite-transfer. She had promised to look after her siblings once Katharina would be gone and together with the kids, Martha had given her the golden locket she was currently wearing. It contained a teeny tiny picture of herself and her siblings, laughing in the sandbox.

She had been internally crying ever since. Not that she would show it to the outside world. Yet, no matter how hard the decision was, she knew she was about to make the right one.

Katharina took her seat and waited for everyone to settle down. She just wanted this to be over with so she could stop saying goodbye and start saying hello. She was craving some positive vibes, it was hard enough to do what she was about to do, there was no point in keep crying about it. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't excited for her new life.

In a matter of minutes everyone had taken their seats and were talking in hushed tones. Well, everyone except the Dauntless who were as wild and loud as ever. Katharina even spotted a guy with black and lilac colored hair throwing his shoe to the front, hitting a girl's head with it. It must have hurt but the girl merely laughed and threw the shoe back in the guy's face.

They all quieted down when Marcus Eaton took the stage. He was the _formal_ leader of the City and it's government. Kindly remark the emphasis on formal though, as it was Jeanine Matthews that held all the real authority in the City. She was the one that called all the shots. She was the one you wanted to befriend and not make an enemy off. She simply was the boss, no matter how much all the adults tried to deny it, as it went against the whole faction-system that an Erudite would run the City.

"Welcome!" Marcus started, making sure everyone quieted down on instant.

"As you're all well aware, you're about to make the biggest choice of your lives. The Test you've all made yesterday, showed you where your aptitude lays. However, you are free to choose whatever faction you prefer regardless these aptitude results. We put our believes in you to know yourself best and so we trust you to make the right choice. For some of you it may be an easy choice, choosing to stay in the place grew up, a place you always belonged in and where you are surrounded by family and friends you already know. Others might have a more insecure future ahead of them. Leaving a place they never belonged in, in hopes to find one where they do. New friendships will be ahead of you, but you must always remember once you've chosen there is no way back and faction will always come before blood."

Katharina zoned out, Marcus Eaton always talked a little to much for her likings. Eventually he started calling up names and for the next half hour or so, Katharina watched with fascination how some of her school peers made their choices.

After what seemed like forever, her name was being called out. Slightly nervous because of all the eyes that were currently focused on her, she stepped down the stairs onto the podium. Passing the leaders of all the factions she looked right into the eyes of the very intimidating Jeanine, who had a rather calculating look upon her face. Despite the insincere smile on her face, the woman looked like a merciless sociopath, calculating and cold down to the bone. Katharina was convinced she couldn't even start to imagine what Jeanine would do with her if she found out about her divergence.

Shaking the thought from her mind she walked over to the semicircle of bowls. Each bowl represented a faction. Glass for Candor, water for Erudite, grey stones for Abnegation, soil for Amity and burning coals for Dauntless.

There was a certain beauty in the gesture of binding your blood to the faction. It was after all 'faction before blood'. Yet as the Ceremony continued and more and more people commited their blood to a faction, the bowls looked rather creepy - especially the red water of Erudite. Katharina had to laugh at the irony that Erudite hadn't quite thought that through when choosing water as their faction's element.

Cutting her hand, she watched the blood spill from the wound into the palm of her hand. She had been convinced to choose Erudite up until now. She had figured that her life so far had involved enough fighting in one way or another. She was looking forward on expanding her brain with knowledge and just sit back reading books without domestic chores or siblings interupting her eagerness to learn. She would be able to handle Jeanine, figuring that hiding in the belly of the beast would be a good stragegy to stay under the radar and the issue about love.. well let's just say you never had a guarantee at love. She hadn't even received love from her own damn mother in Amity no less, so why in hell would she get it from anyone else any where else? In a way an arranged marriage based on anything but love would be a good outcome to secure herself a future with a family of her own, may she decide she wanted one.

And yet.. Standing here she couldn't help but feel attracted to the bowl filled with coals more. To want Dauntless more. It wasn't a passing fancy, she knew deep down that it really was not. She craved it, longed for it, needed it. And, after all, she had picked up some skills along the way throughout her rough life that would come in handy in Dauntless as well and who knows, maybe she was able to sneak some books into Dauntless when she became a full member.

Choosing to leave Amity was already something brave, she might as well go all the way. For the first time in days she actually smiled without a care in the world. For the first time she was utterly and totally convinced about her choice. As her blood fell into the bowl, the soft hissing of her blood onto the coals was heard before all the Dauntless were loudly yelling and cheering at her. The grin never left her face as she made her way over to them. They were clapping her on the back, ruffling her hair and someone even kissed her lips as she took her seat. Fully laughing now, she knew she had made the right choice.

Looking over to the other factions, she noticed they were all looking at her in shock. Not that she hadn't been expecting that, there hadn't been an Amity transfer to Dauntless in over 30 years. The total of Amity that had actually made it into Dauntless was the little impressive number of three. Well, Katharina was planning on becoming number 4. She saw a few familiar faces from Amity, some smiling at her, others looking concerned. No doubt they were thinking about the siblings she left behind in Amity. But alas, they all knew she had never belonged there, and while she had some people she interacted with on a daily basis at school or in the fields, she wouldn't concider herself having any friends apart from the 33-year-old Martha, which was more like a motherly-figure than friend either way.

Catching the curious look of Jeanine upon herself she quickly focussed on the stage again, swiftly avoiding Jeanine's piercing stare for the rest of the Ceremony.

"Come on!" Someone shouted.

The Ceremony had just ended and the Dauntless had immediately jumped from their seats and were currently waiting for the train to come. It had been no problem for Katharina to keep up with their tempo, neither had it been a problem to climb up the train rails. She was, however, rather nervous to jump into the nearing train. She had done it before, but it had been 11 years ago or so. Yet, she figured, other transfers might have never tried it so she should be alright.

And indeed, as people jumped into the train, Katharina found herself jumping in with more ease than she would've predicted. She noticed she was the first tranfer to jump into the compartment.

"Impressive Amity." A Dauntless-born guy held out his hand. "I'm Boris."

The guy had dark brown hair with silver highlights, he was tall and muscular, yet not prominently so. Still, he towered over Katharina with ease, in length as well as width.

"Katharina." She smiled up at him as she shook his hand.

"Pretty, you might want to change it into something more Dauntless though." he offered with a lobsided grin on his face.

Katharina thought about this for a moment.

"Will Keena do?"

She smiled at the memory of a one-year-old Thomas calling her that for the first time. He hadn't been able to prenounce Katharina right, but even when he got older the nickname stayed. Her other siblings had repeated the same process. By choosing Keena she was still able to keep her own name in a way.

Boris grin got bigger. "Yes, that's a cool name."

In the meantime there had been some others that had jumped into the compartment, of which two other Dauntless-born and 5 transfers - 3 Erudites and 2 Candors.

Dante, one of the Dauntless-born, had been the guy with black and lilac hair Keena had seen throwing a shoe. The other Dauntless-born was the girl whos head Dante had hit with his shoe. Her name was Gaya and she turned out to be Dante's twin sister. Just like her brother she was tall and gorgeous and Keena envied her silky raven hair down to her lower back. On top of that, both siblings had stunning purple eyes. Keena was debating whether to be in love or jealous. Probably a little of both.

They seemed nice enough. After introducing themselves, Gaya had immediately congretulated Keena on her fast jump, especially as a transfer. After that she and her brother had mostly joked around, shoving eachother when possible. It was clear they were very close.

The transfers looked a little bit more nervous, much like Keena herself felt she must look like. They were all more off into their own world and said little as they watched Dante and Gaya's banter.

"It's clear you're not an Erudite." Keena heard someone say behind her. It was one of the Erudite-transfers.

"Excuse me?" Keena asked confused.

"If you've owned only one tiny bit of intelligence, you wouldn't have picked Dauntless. No Amity has made it into Dauntless for over thirty years. You'll never get in." The boy said maliciously.

"Jasper!" an Erudite-girl chastised angrily.

"No, it's fine." Keena's eyes narrowed as she took in the appearance of this Jasper-boy. For as far as she could tell, he had no reason whatsoever to have the amount of arrongance radiating of off him as it currently did.

She gave him the sweetest smile she could muster. "I'm just glad to see that you didn't choose to stay in Erudite, as you posess little intelligence yourself as well. It takes no genius to know that it is not intelligence I need to get into Dauntless, but bravery. And, if not anything else, choosing Dauntless with so little chance on getting in shows exactly that."

Her speech was loudly hooted at by the twins and Boris. The Candors were grinning as well as the Erudite girl that had tried to sush Jasper earlier.

Jasper and the other Erudite girl looked less than impressed but decided to remain silent as Boris threw an arm over Keena's shoulders.

"You are my favorite transfer already." he laughed.

"If not his, than mine." The Erudite girl that had tried to stop Jasper earlier said, sticking out her hand. "I'm Lara."

The Candors also introduced themselves as Mira and Jonah and together they chatted happily for the remainder of the ride, excluding Jasper and the other Erudite named Ana that is.

"Okay boys! It's time to jump!" Boris shouted excited as he took a position only to run and jump out of the train seconds later. The twins followed suit. All the transfers looked horrified at the big gap between the train and the building they were supposed to land upon. It must have been at least some meter or three.

Lara looked a little pale as if she was about to pass out at any second - hights must not be her thing. To everybody's surprise, however, she was the first to jump after Boris and the twins. Thereafter came the Candors Mira and Jonah, who jumped together hand in hand. Keena was about to jump but got pushed roughly out of the way by Jasper. As Keena fell onto the ground she was spit on by Ana, before both Erudites jumped out of the train together.

Quickly getting up and not letting the two Erudite-hellhounds get to her too much she made the jump at last.


	4. Chapter 4: First Impressions

The moment her feet left the ground, Keena felt like flying. However, the feeling was way too short-lived for her liking. Mere seconds after she pretended to fly, her feet already hit the gravel on the roof of the Dauntless Headquarters.

Rubbing off some sand and gravel from her knees, she quickly headed over to where the other initiates where gathering around some ultimate masculine man. Trying to squeeze and slide her way to the front to get a better view - she was quite small after all - she couldn't help feeling drawn to his appearance. Simply because he was nothing like the Amity men she'd grown up with.

Or any man she had ever met in general, she supposed as an afterthought.

Psychically speaking, where her old faction members ranged from pitifully scrawny to lazily lean, this guy was extremely muscular. He had incredibly well-developed broad shoulders and bulky muscles on places she was not aware muscles existed. He was tall too, which only added to his superior physique.

He had two identical tattoos running from somewhere out of the collar of his shirt up to his strong prominent jawline. The sides of his face were covered with tattoos as well and he had two dark metal piercings above his right eyebrow. His dark blonde hair was milimetered at the sides and somewhat longer at the top, casually thrown out of his face by probably nothing more than a strike of his hand and a drop of gel. It was messy and wild and suited his altogether dangerous appearance. His most striking feature however were his ice blue eyes.

If this was any indication of what men looked like around here, Keena was in for the surprise. This guy was literally gorgeous. Well, that is if you looked past the scowl sporting his face and the maliciously authoritive gleam in his eyes. Even so, he'd still won the winning lottery ticket for being sexy as hell. But maybe that wasn't so much despite the dangerous air that surrounded him but rather because of it.

"Gather around, initiates." roared his deep commanding voice.

Which brought Keena to the psychological aspects of her fascination with this man. He was standing in front of the group with an air of confidence, superiority and strength. Not to mention intimidation. He was the kind of man of whom questioning his authority would be similar to committing suicide.

Growing up in Amity, Keena had been surrounded by all that was good, happy and loving. Or that was the general goal anyway. Although not everything had been as 'sunshine, rainbows and glitter lollipops' growing up in Amity as other factions made it out to be, still, finding people with strong airs around them were very much non-existent. So, this guy's air fascinated her to no end.

"For those of you who don't already know who I am, my name is Eric." His face was a mixture of boredom and annoyance as his gaze lazily swept over the group.

Amity people simply did not own a fucking single backbone in their bodies, as they preferred serenity above any type of disagreement. This guy - Eric - had the attitude not to be argued with and Keena had the distinct feeling that if you'd be so stupid to do so, you would find a whole lot of passion in him while he'd order you to dig your own grave. Grinning at her own self-knowledge she would definitely be that person stupid enough to argue with him at some point, probably. Good thing she'd wouldn't mind some heated argument. Amity's 'arguments' had always been boring to a point of suffocation to her.

"And I'm one of the leaders of Dauntless." Eric went on. - Shit, he just had to be a leader as well, right? Well, at least it explained his now somewhat justified haughtiness. Wait... Leader? How old is he even?

Well, leader or not, Keena knew herself good enough that sooner or later she would be in trouble with this guy. It's not that she per definition wanted to argue with him, she just wasn't the type to hold back and bite her tongue when she disagreed with something and he seemed like a guy she'd disagree with... a lot. The arrogance and superiority radiating of this man was intriguing to a point of pure curiosity, but it also brisked up a stubborn defiance in her.

"To start your training, we will have to get into the building first..."

In all honesty, she liked the trill she got out of a good debate. At Amity, arguing was frowned upon and replaced by talking and listening without any passion whatsoever. That lack of passion had been the main reason to drive her to the point of insanity at times. She needed some passion to feel truly alive. To feel anything at all, she simply needed a thrill.

"Through there." Eric said with a devious smirk on his face, as he pointed at the pitch-black hole in the roof only a mere meter behind him. The group gasped loudly as they gathered around. Not that Keena saw the hole, she was still busy making her way to the front.

"Now, initiates. Let's do the honor to one of the transfers. Who dares to jump first?"

Keena gently pushed the last person out of the way to get to the front and before she had fully registered what kind of hell-hole she was looking at, the word had already left her lips.

"Me."

Well, in any case, she'd gotten her thrill at last.

"Me." Eric heard a soft but determined feminine voice say.

He scanned the crowd of initiates in front of him to find a pretty blonde girl in a pale yellow playsuit making her way to the front. Amity. Great. Exactly the kind of happy fairytale giddiness he'd been hoping for this year. Not. The color of her dress was nauseous to him but he kindly thanked the stars that she wasn't wearing something more hideous like bright yellow or red. Reluctantly he had to agree that pale yellow might be as least offensive as Amity gets. Still, she looked like a rainbow-pooping fairy.

Openly scowling at her choice of attire, he couldn't help but check her out. She was of an average height, if not somewhat small. A small upper body on top of long skinny legs. She had no practiced muscles for as far as he could tell and despite her generous curves, with her tiny waist even a twig would be harder to snap in two.

He gave her no more than two weeks.

Eric's scowl turned into a sly smirk as he saw her eyes widen at the sight of the hole. Apparently, she handn't even seen the thing before she spoke up. Easy torture. Fun.

"It's now or never, Tinkerbell." Eric drawled in a bored voice while changing his face back into a scowl.

Some initiates laughed at his nickname for the Amity, but the girl in question merely looked at him in a mixture of equally unimpressed annoyance and excitement.

Interesting.

She walked up to the edge and turned around, facing the group. As she cocked her head to the side to look at him, Eric was expecting her to ask that one never-missing question of 'whats down there?', but it never came.

"Don't worry, Amity." He taunted. "I hear the factionless-part of town is quite as lovely as your beloved Neverland this time of year."

Instead of responding she just looked at him for a moment as a sly smile formed on her plump peachy lips. Eric was so amazed at her lack of fear, that for a moment he questioned his own intimidation. He found himself mesmerized at the knowing look she was giving him. She looked invincable and unfrazed as a silent intelligence radiated of off her. He expected her to retort at any moment, but - just like the question - it never came. She just stood there with an all-knowing smile on her tempting lips and a bold look in her big green eyes as she watched him heatedly. He could see her burning desire to retort but to her credit, she kept her mouth shut.

Suddenly, her eyes filled with a blazing fire of exhilaration and without further ado she let herself fall backwards into the unknown depths behind her with the most fervor anyone had ever seen in their lives. A small relieved gasp escaped her lips as her feet left the ground.

Neither Eric nor the initiates were able to process what the hell they had just witnessed until some moments later. In the meantime the Amity girl - long and well out of sight - was probably already climbing out of the net Eric knew was down there.

Well, she was brave, he'd give her that much.

Returning to his usual scowling self he snarled "next", as annoyed as he could muster. Then, finally, he heard someone asking that one familiar question he was accustomed with. With a cruel grin he replied.

"I guess you'll have to find out."

Keena had to do everything in her power not to make smart-ass replies to Eric's taunting. It would do her no good to challenge a Dauntless leader before even having entered the building. So instead, she'd let herself fall backwards, knowing that whatever was down there would make sure she'd survive. After all, they wouldn't let a bunch of initiates jump to their dead... Right? All doubt and annoyance at Eric left her mind as soon as her feet left the ground. She felt like flying again and wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. Too soon she felt a net beneath her and a hand reached out to help her get out.

In front of her was another good-looking man, albeit not as attractive as Eric had been. He was slightly broader than the guys in Amity, yet still lean altogether. Bummer, she would've quite liked seeing more equally muscled men around here. This guy had a brooding face but with kind eyes, making him look way friendlier than the scowling muscle-man upstairs, although he did his best not to reveal his kindness. His dark features were handsome, especially his dark brown eyes that were currently staring questioningly into hers. It was only then that Keena realized he had asked her a question. Not knowing what to say she remained quiet for another second, making up an excuse.

"Look, you can choose another one if you like but be careful, you only get to choose once." he said, saving her unknowingly.

"Oh, uhm. Keena. My name is Keena." She smiled up at him. He looked at her funnily.

"You realize Keena means 'Brave' right?" he asked with an unreadable pokerface.

Keena blushed. She hadn't known that, but thinking about it made the name only more fitting. For some reason it worked as a reassurance that she had, indeed, made the right choice by choosing Dauntless.

"No, but I like it even more now because of it." She told him honestly.

"Alright. First jumper Keena everybody!" The brooding guy in front of her shouted as the second jumper fell down into the net.

Half an hour later when everybody had jumped, the group divided into two; 24 Dauntless-born and 16 transfers. The transfers were currently getting a tour of the compound from the brooding guy, whose name turned out to be Four - Yes, like the number. The groups were to be trained separately - Dauntless-born by Lauren and transfers by Four - but ranked together and only 25 would eventually make the final cut. Everyone had been a little shocked when they heard they were to compete against each other, but one raised eyebrow of Four in warning had made their complaints stop as soon as they had started.

The group of transfers consisted of 7 Candors, 6 Erudites, 2 Abnegation and 1 Amity. Keena had since her jump talked to quite a few fellow initiates who seemed either eager to befriend the first jumper or taunt her. Despite her lack of friends in Amity, making friends had always come easy to her. It was not so much the problem that others didn't want to be her friend, but the other way around. In Amity she had been rather alone than surrounded by 'friends' of whom she had nothing in common with.

She had tried to make connections from time to time, and when she did she had been more than welcome to join her Amity peers around the campfire, singing songs and telling stories, but she had always been bored the entire time so she decided against joining more often than not.

These Dauntless peers were different though. The Candors were painfully honest which let to some funny conversations. The Erudite had enough knowledge to be able to hold up the conversations of intelligence Keena had so missed back in Amity. The Dauntless-born were outrightly funny. Their jokes a little bit harsh at times but it was all meant in a loving banter. Hurt was part of the package around her, but no real harm was meant by it. Keena liked that. The Abnegation were still a little bit quiet but Keena figuered they must still be in culture-shock. They would loosen up sooner or later, there was no rush.

She was glad to be the only Amity-transfer. She wanted no reminders of the person she was back in Amity. This was a fresh start and she would be damned if she didn't use it to her full advantage.

She wasn't shocked in the least that she was the only Amity-transfer. Amity and Dauntless had always been unofficial enemies from each other. Well, maybe the word 'enemies' was a teeny tiny bit exaggerated, but they saw as much eye to eye as a goldfish and a black cat.

Where the black cat was adventurous, the goldfish was happy to live its whole life in its own small little world. Where the black cat was dangerous and had claws to leash out once treatened, the goldfish was harmless and defenseless. The cat could kill the goldfish in seconds if it so much as wanted it. Simply put, Dauntless was a beautiful creature of swift movements, weapons and freedom where Amity was just a pretty little thing caged by invisable walls, preventing them from ever accomplishing anything significant.

They were total opposites and it made transfers between the two factions rare to say the least.

"This is where you'll be sleeping, there are some shared showers and toilets in the back." Four motioned to the sleeping dorms in front of them, electing complaints from the group.

Keena merely shrugged inwardly before quickly moving over to the bed under the air vent. Being in a room with over 15 sweaty 18-year-olds was bound to be stinky.

Four eyed her curiously but didn't comment.

"You're expected to be in the training room at 8am every day. Breakfast serves from 7-9h, lunch from 12-14h and dinner from 17-20h." And with that he left, dismissing them for the rest of the day.

"He's so hot." Lara jumped on the bed next to Keena. "Smart thinking by the way." She motioned to the air vent over Keena's bed.

"So is Eric if he wouldn't be so scary." Mira laughed, jumping on the other bed next to Keena.

"Yeah, I suppose they are." Keena yawned.

"You suppose? Are you blind? Sure as hell makes winning a fight from you easier." Mira laughed as she offered a wink to Jonah, who took the bed opposite to hers. Two Erudite-boys - Maximus and Gale - took the beds opposite to Lara and Keena.

"No, but I might turn blind if I don't eat quickly." Keena shot back grinning.

It was already 5pm and Keena had not eaten since lunch the day before. With dinner last night a big lump in her throat had prevented her from swallowing a thing. She had just sat there watching her siblings eat, occasionally fussing over them as she saved every detail of their faces in her memory. She would miss them, but it was time to let them go and chose for herself. The choice had already been made, there was no point in becoming factionless. If she was to survive around here she needed to stay strong and healthy.

The group agreed and after they changed into the basic Dauntless-clothes that were left upon their beds, all six of them headed to the dining room.


	5. Chapter 5: Meeting Max

They were just making their way to the cafeteria when Keena heard a voice boom from behind her.

"Amity. Walk with me." Came Eric's commanding voice.

The whole group quieted down on instant as they watched with big wide eyes how Keena turned around and followed Eric into another hallway. Before turning the corner, she looked back at the group apologeticly but didn't dare to make a sound. She figured arguing or asking questions would not bid well with Eric. They walked some hallways in silence until eventually they stopped in front of a set of double doors.

Eric knocked on one of the doors before opening it, revealing a big office. Inside, Four and another man were already waiting. The other man had dark-colored skin and the most beautiful dark brown - almost black - eyes. He was neither as muscular nor as tall as Eric, although close, yet something about him made him look more intimidating than both Eric or Four. He had some power radiating of off him that urned him respect without knowing the man. Maybe it was als because of the fact that Eric had knocked on his office door, he must be higher in rank than Eric, she figured.

"I'm Max, one of the leaders here in Dauntless." the man said extending his hand towards her.

"Keena, pleasure to meet you, sir." she offered politely, while shaking his hand.

"I've been looking through the files of the transfers and your papers seemed to be missing your aptitude-test results?" It wasn't really a question.

"That would be correct, sir. I was reconciled with my sperm-do.. I mean birthfather, sir. It was all a very hectic ordeal." She was fairly pleased with her non-lie answer.

All three man looked at her through speculating eyes, she had to be carefull not to let anything slip.

"So, you chose to choose Dauntless without reference?"

"With all due respect, I would hardly call my instincts no reference. The test might not have told me Dauntless as my one aptitude to choose but my heart has." she smiled sweetly, making Eric roll his eyes at her in utter annoyance. She had to refrain from laughing.

"Yes, that's why we are concerned. Following your documents you graduated on top of your class. Above all Erudites of your year even. Why not chose Erudite when you clearly love knowledge so much?" She could tell Max was gauging her reaction carefully.

Damn. She had not thought that little fact would come back at her, to bite her in the ass.

"What is it exactly that you are accusing me of, sir?" The question was directed at Max but Eric answered instead.

"We don't think you got what it takes to make it into Dauntless." Eric snarled before Max could answer. "Not if you have spent all your years with your nose in books. Between frisking and singing and smiling and reading in Amity we don't see how you could possibly have an aptitude for Dauntless, little flower midget."

Keena scoffed loudly, rolling her eyes at Eric's little speech. She even preferred the nickname Tink or Tinkerbell over flower midget. _Asshole_.

"Well, too bad I've already choosen Dauntless then. But I'll prove you all wrong, you'll see. I belong here." She told them, her head held high.

Four offered her a short but kind and reassuring smile before he forced his lips back in a unamused thin line.

"You're an _Amity_ with the Aptitude of a _Erudite_ , posing to be a little Dauntless just because you wanted to have some _fun_ adventure in your life for once. Isn't that right?" Eric's voice was malicious and unmistakenly out for blood. _Her_ blood. "Well, mark my words, Tinkerbell, you might be the first jumper but it means nothing to us. You'll be gone by the end of the month."

Keena merely raised an eyebrow in defiance. Who did this guy think he was? What gave him the right to be as presumptuous as he was? Leader or not, she would show him she wasn't about to be intimidated by him merely because he felt like she should be. She had done nothing wrong.

"Again, with all due respect, _sir_ , but you don't know a thing about me. For as far as I'm concerned there is _no_ rule that states that you can't be clever while being a Dauntless. Until there is a rule that claims exactly that, I'd like to think of myself as intelligent _and_ brave. It might just happen to be so that my bravery is superior to my intelligence. Or are you suggesting all Dauntless, including yourself, _sir_ , are unintelligent people?"

The last 'sir' was spat with lots of venom and little respect.

Eric looked furious, Four thoughroughly amused and Max barked out a laugh.

"I'm sure, he was not suggesting anything of that kind. Isn't that right, Eric? We were merely curious about your choice, but you made yourself perfectly clear." Max stated with a wide grin on his face. "Jeanine Matthews, however, insists for you to take the Aptitude-test past-time, for the sake of statistics. You will do so in two weeks time when the other initiates have a day off."

Keena paniced for a bit, but recovered fast.

"Yes, of course. No problem. I would be happy to prove being a Dauntless to you all." She let a sweet smile cover her face. Some Amity traits would never die and to be fair, she exhilarated in the way how Eric seemed to hate them, even be disgusted by them. It was fairly amusing.

Four and Max smiled friendly back at her but Eric still looked as furious as before. Although, there flashed something akin to curiosity in his eyes.

"Am I free to get some dinner now, or do you need me any further?" Keena asked hopefully, silently requesting to be dismissed.

"Yes, ofcourse, you may go." Max waved her away. "Oh, and Keena... Welcome to Dauntless." he told her with a wink just before she walked out the room. A giant grin sported her face as she looked back to the three men.

Max had a giant grin on his face, while Four's lips twitched at the corner of his mouth. Eric's face remained a stone mask of indifference and annoyance. She wondered who'd put that stick up his ass.

"She seems perfectly Dauntless to me." Max commented after the Amity had left. "The way she handled the three of us, many Dauntless would have shown some nerves but she remained unfazed through it all."

"Yes, I agree. Not to mention she is the first Amity-transfer in over 25 years _and_ she was the first jumper. It all takes quite some courage." Four chimed in as a small smile sported his lips. He was still looking at the door where the Amity girl had dissappeared from only seconds ago.

Eric rolled his eyes. Of course Four had already developed a weak spot for the small poor little Amity girl. It had been the same thing two years ago when that Stiff Tris had come into Dauntless. Not that their relation had lasted more than a few months after initiation of course. Four liked his girls when still weak, he liked to be the one to protect them and to be their whole world.

Not that Four would ever admit to liking his girls weak, no, Eric doubted Four even noticed his own pattern. But Eric's sharp mind did, of course. Everytime when the girls 'outgrew' Four and were able to stand on their own and make their own life decisions, Four got some trouble in paradise only to end the relationship some weeks later.

Four was the type of guy that posed as the sweet loving relationship material, but actually wanted to dominate his lover's every choice. All in the name of 'love', 'protection' and 'knowing what's best' of course. There was nothing wrong with domination, hell, Eric himself was all for being dominant, yet the difference between Eric and Four was that Eric openly came out for it. With Eric there was no doubt what the girl was getting herself into.

For starters, Eric's 'relationships' remained pure physical. In bed he was the dominant one and outside of bed he wanted to have nothing to do with his girls and they would be fools to even ask him for advise. Their lives were their lives and his life was his. He liked it to remain that way. He didn't want to know what they were thinking or how they were feeling. They wanted to fuck? Great. If not? Sodd off.

Four's relationships were more of a psychological kind. They were build on trust and commitment but his domination could develope some nasty shades. It started with giving gentle advise, which the weak girls eagerly listened to. It wasn't for some time later, when the girls actually became Dauntless in every way, body and soul, the problems would start. Dauntless were just natural born freedom-seekers. Eric just couldn't understand how anybody could keep a bird in a cage and call it love. But alas, it was none of his business and he was sure that some things Eric himself did were frowned upon by others as well.

As Max dismissed Four, Eric walked over to the bureau were the file of the Amity girl was still laying open. Katharina Aella Hyde. Typical, her name alone spoke volumes about what kind of trouble she would turn out to be.

It was not per definition that Eric believed a name shaped a character, but he was intrigued about the simularities he had stumbled upon so far. His own name for example meant 'ever-powerfull ruler', which, with his physique, intimidation and current job was not too far off from reality and the name 'Max' meant 'greatest' which also came pretty close to the truth as Max was very well liked and respected throughout Dauntless and seen as one of the 'greatest' leaders the faction had known in decades.

Katharina was a harmless enough name, meaning pure, yet she had changed it into Keena meaning brave. Aella however meant 'storm wind' or 'whirlwind' and in Greek mythology, Aella was a double-axe-wielding Amazon warrior. He hated to admit it, but Keena might turn out to be a real Dauntless after all.

Even though it spoke of her bravery, Eric hated the fact that Keena had seemed unfazed to him, both on the roof as just moments ago in this office. People were afraid of him, _especially_ initiates. That knowing smile and the defiant twinkle in her eyes made him want to punch her in the face until she succumbed under his gaze. But he couldn't, because the fact was, she didn't exactly do anything to deserve any kind of punishment. It was all in her eyes and that tiny little smirk on her juicy lips, but she didn't share her defiance openly and as much as he would like to blame it on her cowardice, he knew it was her intelligence that kept her silent. He needed to break that silence, so he could take back some control. The looks she had been giving him drove him mad already, and he had seen the chit now what? Two times?

Focussing on the file in front of him, he went over the information again. There was little interesting stuff on her, which frustrated Eric to no end.

Katharina was born in Amity - shocker.  
She came from a long line of Amity-aptitudes, yet it had ended one generation before her on both mother's as father's side.  
Her mother (Anne Hyde) had had an aptitude for Erudite but chose to remain in Amity while her father (Bryan Parson) chose to transfer to his aptitude-faction Candor before she was born.  
Three of her grandparents had deceased before she was born, excluding her grandfather on her mother's side, who deceased four years after she was born.  
She had 4 younger brothers and one younger sister - all from different fathers, but he supposed that wasn't strange for a single woman in Amity. Amity was well known for their 'deeply loving' spirits. It was also the only faction where it was forbidden to use any form of birth control.  
She also had a factionless uncle that never made the cut into Amity when he chose to stay, a year after Katharina was born.

Furthermore, Katharina graduated on top of her class and had worked for the past four years in the kitchen of the Amity dining room.

There were no further reports of accidents or incidents so it seemed she had lived a fairly easy life apart from her mother's sex adventures, causing her to poop out another baby every two years or so.

Well, her life sounded so increadibly boring it almost made Eric want to throw up. No wonder she had chosen Dauntless, she needed an adventure. But too bad for her, Dauntless was a faction for warriors not temporary adrenaline junkies. He knew her type. She'd be long gone before anybody would take the effort to remember her name.

"I don't understand Jeanine's obsession over this girl." Eric told Max. "Her file is dreadfully boring."

"You know how Jeanine gets this time of year." Max stated absentmindly, looking over some other files.

"You mean to tell me she thinks this Amity is Divergent?" Eric barked out a laugh.

Sure, he ought the chance that Keena was Dauntless very small, but there are quite a few people choosing other factions than their aptitude test told them to, it didn't make them all Divergent. If Jeanine didn't want them to choose on their own she should simply change the law but he would be damned before believing that this Amity-girl was a dangerous Divergent. She was just a Erudite-aptitude girl looking for a temporary adventure at Dauntless. It would end in her being factionless, not dead, as being divergent would.

"She does, yes. But now I have spoken with the girl, I myself believe her to be through and through Dauntless. I guess we'll see in few weeks time. Until then, keep an eye on her, will you?"

Eric rolled his eyes. Max had lost his mind. Eric'd sooner grow some angel wings before thinking that girl Dauntless.

"Of course. Can't think of anything I'd rather do than babysitting that bookery fairy." Eric stated sarcastically, earning him a playful scowl of Max. Despite their differences in temperament, they got along pretty well.


	6. Chapter 6: First Training Day

For all his flaws, negligence was not one of them. Max had given him an order to watch the Amity closely and that meant he would do so, regardless his reluctance.

And so he had done the night before.

All through dinner he had watched her, albeit subtly. He had seen her having fun with her peers and to his utmost surprise it hadn't been just the tranfers with whom she got along splendidly. Eric had noticed some Dauntless-born initiates stopping at her table, as well, to make some small talk, if not some friendly banter. It had been remarkable to say the least. In all six years Eric'd lived in Dauntless, he'd never seen the transfers and Dauntless-born initiates get along on the first day or many days after. They usually totally ignored eachother untill 'Capture the Flag' forced them to work together for the first time.

He had watched as she playfully flirted with the initiates, let it be boys or girls, tranfers or non-transfers. A mischievous grin had been perminently sporting her lips as she laughed with them. He supposed flirting was just the natural way of talking for Amities, they were well-known for their coquettish natures. Not that it had made it any less nauseous to watch. He dared not ponder on the fact that Dauntless were well-known for the exact same thing. Hypocrisy was not something he cared to admit.

Her mood had completely shifted though, when one of the Erudite-tranfers - Jasper, if he remembered correctly - had came along. Although she had been the picture of calmness for the untrained-eye, Eric had noticed her shift into a carefully concealed fuming anger. The rather hostile quarrel between the two had ended with him dumping his plate of food over her head before storming out.

Although _she_ 'd been the one to have the spaghetti shower, it had been obvious Jasper had lost the quarrel. Only a coward would lower himself to such an act, only to storm out seconds later with a head as red as a ripe tomato. It had been the first time in Eric's entire life, he'd wished to have been seated closer to the initiates so he would have been able to overhear their conversations. It all had looked highly amusing. Alas, it was too late now.

Currently, Eric found himself in the trainingroom with Four, waiting for the initiates to arrive. It was only minutes before 8am, so they should be here any second. And indeed, the sound of hushed voices announced their arrivel. He briefly cursed himself for immediately seeking her out, but remembered himself Max had given an order so whyever should he not?

Finally spotting the top of her head surrounded by shoulders - she really was small - he quickly scanned the rest of her. As if mere looking at her had burned him down to the core, he turned his gaze away at lightning speed before looking again, this time through the corner of his eye.

The loose-fitting Amity playsuit she had worn yesterday had covered up most of her curves and the Dauntless sweater she'd worn yesterday evening, had been so oversized for her it swallowed all of her up, making it more of a dress than anything else. In short, he hadn't seen her body properly. Until now, that is.

She wasn't even wearing anything that remarkable. Just the standard training clothing Dauntless had given to all initiates. It contained of a sportlegging, tanktop and training jacket. Nothing fancy, yet the training jacket currently hung over her arm, giving a full view of the thight-fitting clothes on her generously curvy body.

He was not attracted to her.

He simply could not be. Right? She was the total opposite of his usual type. He 'dated' (read 'fucked') tall willowy brunettes, or the occasunal raven-haired girls. Curves were a plus, but the trained bodies of Dauntless-women contained so much muscle that most of their already tiny curves had flattened out even more. They had curves but just not as prominent as the blonde in front of him had. The Amity might be as tall as a twelve-year-old, but her voluptuous hour-glass figure saved her from any association with a child she otherwise might've gotten.

Strangly enough, for all the mirits of her body, it had, in fact, been her face he had trouble with keeping his eyes off. Yesterday, she had looked tired and although you had to be a _fool_ not to have noticed the girl was pretty, it had done her face no justice.

Today however, the puffy eyes were gone and her tired wrinkles smoothed out.

Instead, her big green doe-like eyes - framed by long thick brown lashes - were shining with mirth as she shoved one of the girls - Lara, he thought her name was - in light banter. Her skin was fair and smooth, looking like ivory colored porcelain and her cheeks were slightly flushed, either from her current joyful banter with her friend, excitement for the day or both. Her golden blonde locks were up into a messy bun, occasional curls falling out, gently framing her face and neck. Throughout the banter, she had been smiling, but as her smile now faded and her lips relaxed, two peachy plumb lips became viable, slightly parted.

Her eyes found his. Caught in his stare, he refused to look away and risking looking like a coward. He stared her down. She did the same. Eventually, she gave up with a role of her eyes and Eric looked away.

He was not attracted to her.

He dared not look at her again.

Instead, he looked at Four, who - to Eric's greatest dismay - was also staring at the Amity blatantly. Probably imagining what it would be like to kiss those lips, no doubt, Eric thought irritably.

"Silence!" Eric snarled, putting all his annoyance into that one word.

Everyone quieted down on instant.

"As Four has demonstrated yesterday by the Chasm, there is a fine line between bravery and stupidity. Dauntless is a faction of warriors, not adventurers. The safety of the entire city rests upon our services. We take this seriously and do not play around. This means we expect your full attention, efforts and participation during training but also during the whole of initiation.

"As a faction of warriors, we have no need for weaklings. You have chosen us, now it's time for us to choose you back. We decide whether or not you're worthy to be a Dauntless. Only the top 70% will make the cut. You are with 40 initiates this year, meaning at least 12 people will not make it. I recommend you spend your time wisely. If not, you'll be factionless by the end of initiation. This is a guarantee."

As Four took over to explain what they would be doing today, - muscle building and fighting techniques - Eric took a step back, clasping his hands together behind his back while watching the crowd with narrowed down eyes. He was pleased to notice all initiates looked slightly terrified but he was secretely even more pleased with the motivation it had sparked within them.

Although he hated all initiates, he knew he could grow quite fond of them after they had passed initiation. As full Dauntless members, knowing their place in the faction and not annoying him with questions and whining, they weren't half as bad.

Surprisingly to all, the Amity turned out to pretty strong for a girl her size. In fact, she was the strongest girl of all 6 female transfer-initiates and even stronger than some of the male ones.

"Now, look at that.. Who would of thought plucking berries would make a flower-midget _so_ strong." Eric taunted as she was deathlifting a full 45 kg with ease. He had to admit, for a untrained woman of her height, it was rather impressive.

Beside them Jasper dropped his bar and barked out a laugh at the nickname. Eric spun around in pure annoyance.

"Do I look like a personal _clown_ to you?" He hissed dangerously.

Jasper's throath dried out in mere seconds. He looked flustered and scared as he stottered for a reply.

"I didn't think so. Pick up your bar before you wet yourself."

Eric turned around to find the Amity looking at him with a small smile on her lips. Her eyes held nothing short of curiousity but their was also a tiny bit of annoyance still present, probably because of the nickname.

He wanted to increase her annoyance.

"Not that it matters, of course." He stated bored. "The ant will never be able to beat the grizzly bear, even if it's stronger in therms of percentage. It is the factual strenght that matters."

She didn't even scowl at him. In fact, her whole face and body displayed nothing more than a nonchalant indifference.

"Face it Amity, every single person in here will crush you to the bone. Making friends with them is a waist of their time, if not out of mere pity, you'll be leaving soon anyhow."

"Well, aren't you god's gift of kindness." She told him teasingly, her eyebrow raised in defiance but her eyes sparkled with mirth.

She was enjoying this. Why was she enjoying this?!

He was opening his mouth for a retort but she cut him off before a sound could leave his lips.

"I'd like to focus on my training again. My training _only,_ that is. Thus, unless you have something constructive to say..."

She never finished the sentence.

"Then what, Amity?"

She didn't reply.

"Finish your sentence, Tinkerbell. Or have you lost your tongue." Eric knew he was being childish but he needed some kind of response from her. That stupid knowing twinkle in her eyes got to him more than he cared to admit.

She still didn't reply.

"Answer me!" he commanded. She put her bar down and looked up at him through narrowed down eyes.

"This is an impasse!" She hissed frustrated, throwing her hands in the air. "You make it impossible to follow all of your orders and advise! It is rediculously contradicting! Just leave me be!"

"I don't take orders from anyone, initiate. Especially not you."

Her mouth became a thin line. He saw the burning in her eyes, she was not out of retorts but she merely tried to keep them in. Eric would have none of it. He needed her to be riled up, so he could smash that knowing smirk of her face.

"Out of retorts than, I take?" He taunted. "Not so clever after all I see."

Her resolve was cracking. She scoffed.

"Are you keen on ignoring your own advise then? About spending time wisely?" She asked incredulously.

He narrowed his eyes.

"You don't dictate what is or isn't the wise course of action for me. You don't know Dauntless or what a trainer or leader should or shouldn't do. I do this thing called 'whatever I want' and I don't need to explain it to you or anyone else." His voice was deathly.

"I never claimed I did know! Yet, I do claim to know what is best for me. And standing here talking to you will most definitely not help my process of getting into Dauntless. I never wronged you in any way, so whatever Amity has broken your first puppy-lovesick heart, don't project your hatred for them on me." She snapped and then went to walk away to another side of the room for her next exercise.

Before she could, he reached out and grabber her upper arm. With one hard pull he smacked her down on the ground before his feet.

"Don't you dare be presumptious about anything. You are a nobody who knows nothing. Understood?" He bellowed.

For the tiniest of seconds he swore he detected a flash of fear and despair in those big green eyes. But whatever it was, it was gone before Eric could relish in it. She was quick to force her face back into a sneer. They had attrackted the attention of everyone in the room and she seemed to be uncomfortable under their gazes more than she'd been because of him.

Slowly standing up to her full hight - which wasn't much -, she squared her shoulders in front of him and lifting her chin up, her small nose pointing in the air up at him. She was way to small to look down on him, but to Eric it still felt like she did. Her scrutinizing and disdainful gaze held more power than any physique could ever muster.

She leaned into him in the slightest before her cold and distant voice began to speak in a hushed tone so no one else could hear.

"Manhandling a girl maybe 1/3th of your own size... How. Very. Brave." Her voice was chilling to the bone. If it had been used to anyone else, Eric knew that person would have been scared to death.

He wasn't scared of her. Not one tiny bit, but he was, however, extremely surprised and even more so impressed.

As she brushed passed him, he could not help but be reminded of this one Shakespeare play, he'd read once back in Erudite. 'A midsummer night's dream' it had been called. This one sentence kept repeating itself over in his head. 'And though she be but little, she is fierce.'

Snapping out of his thoughts, he looked around to see the other initiates and Four - hurray the day Four would be actually more mature than the initiates - all staring at either him or the Amity.

"What are you all looking at?!" He sneered. "Back to work!" They quickly did as ordered. Snapping out of their dazes jumpily. For the remainder of the day, you could've cut the tension with a knife.


	7. Chapter 7: Banters, Insults & Jest

As the days of training progressed, Eric's patience with the Amity wore off.

And as luck would have it, he seemed to bump into her everywhere he went.

First off, she was an early riser, so it had turned out. Every morning when he came into the training room with Four to prepare for the day's training, she was already there, pathatically punching a punchingbag with her tiny fists or some other sad display.

They were a week into initiation, meaning tomorrow was the big day. The initiates would fight their first fight and if that little Amity thought her so called extra practice would help her win, she was wrong.

Four, however had completely taken a like in her persistence of practice and even helped her from time to time, guiding her movements by putting his hands on her hips, arms or shoulders. Talking about being a stiff. _Phony_.

Secondly, he'd seem to bump in her after training as well. When he was drinking with his friends in the Pitt she would casually walk by with her little group of friends, making his relaxed mood turn into one of rigged anger in an instant. Or when he was about to get a new tattoo she had just left the shop as he entered. He wondered if she had a tattoo done, and if so what kind and where. He had tried to subtly pry some information loose from Tori, but to her credit - and his annoyance - the girl had remained a true professional. Friends... what good were they if they couldn't help you out from time to time? He smirked at his own dramatic antics.

Moreover, the Amity hunted his dreams, and not in a good steamy way. She would just bugger him and quarrel with him like they did in real life as well. Well, maybe it did get a bit more physical in a fighting way, but he always woke up before it got anywhere good.

Not that he wanted to experience anything 'good' with her, of course, even in his dreams he would not stoop that low.

Back to the point, at current he found himself in line for dinner, naturally - because luck hated him so - exactly just behind the torturer of his mind. When the line shifted, however, Keena remained on the same spot, staring into the distance with glazed over eyes.

"You can dream about your factionless future in your free time, Amity. Pay attention or fuck off." He whispered hostile in her ear, his lips nearly brushing the shell of her ear.

She stumbled backwards by the sudden sound - being shaken out of her daydream - and fell right into Eric's chest who, on his turn, pushed her roughly of off him. Stumbling forward again, and almost falling as she did, she managed to spin around instead, facing her attacker.

"I'm so sor..." She gasped, her eyes wide as saucers, she even looked the tiniest bit afraid.

A small grin twitched at the end of Eric's lips. He always loved seeing initiates scramble under his scorn, but it pleased him significantly more to finally see the ever-feisty Amity was somewhat put on her guard around him. He had been starting to think she was immune to his efforts.

It lasted only a mere second, though, as she recovered herself quickly.

"Oh, it's you. Never mind than." She deadpanned, seemingly unfazed again, her voice devoid of emotion. Something had to be wrong with her, why wasn't she bothered by him at all?

She stared at him in for a second, but her eyes had glazed over again, clearly lost back in thought. When there came no indication of her saying anything or moving up in line, Eric snapped.

"Something I can help you with, Tinkerbell?" He managed to sound harshly and bored at once.

Wrong call.

She snapped out of her daze with a lightning speed and the fire was back in her eyes. She had never been afraid of him. He could tell.

Damn her.

"Well, since you're _so willing_ to indulge me." She started sweetly, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Pray tell me, is there anything _other_ than your looks to recommend you?" She batted her eyelashes prettily as she looked up at him, the top of her head nearly reaching his chin, but not quite.

How could such a tiny person arouse such a huge amount of annoyance? Eric was at a loss.

He wanted to retort quickly, but decided against it as he took in the twinkle of intelligent mischief in her eyes while she barely contained the witty smile from gracing her lips. He ought to pursue carefully if he wanted to win this banter.

Banter? He meant quarrel slash fight, of course. _Not_ banter.

Anyhow, he was - not for the first time - taken aback by the contrast of her witty words and her sweetly teasing demeanor. Somehow, she always managed to insult with overly sarcastic words without putting any unkindness or hostility in them.

In fact, her insults were more often than not brought as a question, all the while complimenting the receiver of her insult at the same time. Just like right now, his looks had been complimented while his personality had been questioned all the same.

It was quite impressive, really when you thought about it, because you couldn't really take offense in her 'teasing' ways (read 'insults') and yet, you knew you should. It was confusing as hell, making it hard to find a proper response.

He was fairly certain she did it on purpose for _that exact reason_ too.

Nevertheless, he was about to retort when a third party came up next to him and slung an arm around his shoulders.

"Coulter! Just the man I was looking for." Eric looked sideways in the beaming face of Zeke.

Zeke had been in his year of initiation. Although Dauntless-born, after having met and worked together during 'Capture the Flag' they had become fast friends, just like everybody that came into Zeke's path.

Zeke was the kind of guy with the gift of being able to befriend anybody and everybody he met. Hell, he was even befriend with Four, after the two ended up in the controlling room together at work. Despite his occasional questionable friends, he was a good guy.

"I'm meeting Julie and Penelope in the Pitt after dinner. Feel like coming?" It wasn't really a question.

Zeke's eyes were pleading but changed to nearly begging when Eric groaned in resentment. It was obvious Zeke wanted him as wingman tonight. Usually, Eric wouldn't mind helping his friend out on a free night, especially with the chance of getting laid himself. The problem, however, was 'Prattling Penelope'. That girl never stopped talking. She'd probably even brabble on while sucking a dick. He was almost certain but cared not to find out for sure.

Eric was about to say no when he heard an familiar infuriatingly sweet voice answer for him.

"The Pitt?" Keena exclaimed in a cheeky scream, putting her hands over her heart for a dramatic effect. "Oh, Eric, what a splendid idea! Don't forget to shop for a new personality while you're at it." She winked at him before turning around and moving up in line.

As if she'd known, it was her turn and without looking back she took her plate and went to have a seat at the table with the other initiates.

Both men stood there, staring after her. Zeke had his mouth dropped to the floor before snapping out of it and turning back to Eric.

"The dilemma!" Zeke put his hand up in the air in mock despair. "I'm not sure what I want to know first. _What_ the fuck _that_ was all about or _who_ the hell _she_ was." His eyes were literally wide as saucers, looking like the cat that got the cream.

Eric grunted in response.

"Believe me, you don't want to know either."

Catching the interested glint in his friend's eyes as Zeke gazed to the table Keena had sat down, Eric felt the need to quickly add;

"She's an initiate..." It wasn't enough. It wasn't really forbidden for full Dauntless members to have relationships with initiates but it was most definetely frowned upon. Not that Zeke had ever cared for rules like that.

Eric also knew Zeke liked the shy submissive girls. For as far a Dauntless could be shy, that is.

"Although she might still look the part of an innocent Amity-tranfer, I swear the inside of her is pure rotten evil."

Eric didn't really want to ponder on why exactly he didn't want Zeke going after her, but he hoped this was enough to have him back off.

"So, a nightmare dressed like a daydream then.." Eric was disturbed to notice Zeke licked his lips unconsciously.

"Daydream? Hardly." Eric scoffed. "She isn't worth the trouble, Zeke. Let. It. Go."

"Eric, have you even looked at her? She is gorgeous. With a body like that, every bit of trouble will be worth the prize. And she has a face to match it too."

Eric was steaming. Without saying another word, he starkly went to pick up his food and walked over to his table, effectivly ending any conversation Zeke might have wanted to have.

He totally missed the way Zeke was looking at him knowingly, with a big grin on his face before winking to a laughing Tori a few tables away. This was going to be fun indeed.

"What did Eric want from you, now?" Lara asked annoyed.

"You know. Just the same old, same old." Keena waved the subject away. "So how's the risotto?" She asked her friends who had already started on their dish. A 'good', 'great', 'heavenly', 'delicious' and 'amazing' was answered at the same time.

"So, I was thinking of getting a tattoo later on tonight." Jonah stated. "Who's with me?"

"Oeh, you might just want to wait untill after tomorrow with that one." Keena said doubtfully.

"Oh, right. The fights. I almost forgot." Jonah sighed, then shrugged. "I can wait another day."

"Are you guys nervous?" Mira asked them. "I have never even seen a fight before, let alone participated in one." she laughed nervously.

Keena's mind shortly wandered off to her own plentiful fights, she'd had so far. But the snarling voice of Jasper brought her back to reality.

"Oh, but you don't have to participate, honey." Jasper taunted. "You won't win anyway, so why bother? Unless, of course you'll be the lucky one to fight Amity over there."

Keena rolled her eyes. For someone claiming to hate their group of friends, he was seated awefully close, awefully often during breakfast, lunch and dinner.

"So, this is your master plan to win?" Keena asked him. "Trying to bully away the competition because you're afraid you don't stand a chance on actually making it on your own strengt?"

Jasper scoffed. " _I_ am _not_ afraid."

"So I see." Keena said smiling, before taking another spoon full of risotto, enjoying it visably while staring Jasper down.

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"If anyone should be afraid, it would be you, flower-midget. You heard Eric, anyone could win from your 3 foot of shortness."

Ana sniggered at the use of the nickname. _Bitch._

"Small, yet a deathly rascal." Gale offered her with a wink. Keena smiled at him gratefully.

"Yeah, and it's 5'3 foot, Jazzy-bell." She shot back. "For an Erudite, you sure have a hard time getting your facts straight."

He scoffed.

"It does not matter. You, like most of you, will be leaving soon anyway." He eyed Jonah and Gale for a second. "Except maybe you two."

"He! What about me?" Called an upset Maximus, who felt left out as the only boy that wouldn't make the cut in Jasper's opinion.

"But hanging around with the weaklings won't help your case." Jasper continued, totally ignoring Maximus. "Whenever you two are ready to make some friends for _life_ instead of fase 1 of _initiation only,_ you'll know where to find me."

"And me!" Ana cheered.

Keena had to refrain from rolling her eyes. Well, she didn't actually, she just gave in to the urge and let it win. Next to her, Mira started laughing as well.

"Says the guy with the _braindead_ as his only friend so far. Yeah, _real_ impressive." Mira snorted.

Keena had never loved Mira as much as she did right then and there.

Feeling a bit guilty for Ana, though, Keena looked at the girl in question to gauge her reaction but she seemed to have missed the insult as she had been too caught up in staring at Jasper. _Grose._ Although it didn't help Ana's case to contradict Mira's insult very much, Keena was surprisingly glad the girl was too dumb to notice the stab in her direction. Although, the girl _had_ spit on her once, maybe she should have noticed after all.

Jasper shrugged. "I'm not here to make friends."

"Believe me, that much was clear." Keena laughed. "And _yet,_ here. you. are. _Begging_ for Gale and Jonah to befriend you."

Jasper's head turned an ugly shade of red.

"Excuse me! I did not beg. I never beg. I was merely expressing my thoughts about who's most likely to end up factionless. It's also very plausible that my opinion is, in fact, a prediction if you look at statistics of former transfers that got into Dauntless. Looking at their hight and bodymass and -"

Keena put her finger in the air in jest. Letting the table know she wanted to ask a question and effectively shutting Jasper up with the odd guesture.

"Question for the, Bookworm." Keena smirked. " _Did_ you notice... that the biggest difference between this _delicious_ risotto and _your_ opinion is that people _only.. actually.. want.._ the former? You'd do well to remember that, Jazzy-bell." She said the words slow and calculated.

"Yes, well, I don't recall asking your opinion either, _Tinkerbel."_ Jasper grunted angrily at the set down.

Keena rolled her eyes. Why did he keep persisting in using Eric's nicknames for her. Couldn't he make up his own.

"I can confirm that he didn't!" Ana chimed in in an sing-song voice.

Seriously what was wrong with this girl. It was so pathetic, it wasn't even funny anymore. Just _exhausting._

"And _I_ can confirm that I do not care." Keena deadpanned, not even knowing how to look at her.

It was just too ridiculous.

To his credit, even Jasper seemed slightly uncomfortable with Ana's outburst as she clamped her hands around his upper arm.

Whether or not Ana was Dauntless, Keena had no way in knowing, but even a fool could see she had done the right thing by leaving Erudite. She had not been mama's most clever one, that's for sure.

"Jasper, can you please go somewhere else." Maximus stated. "We're just trying to eat in peace here, man."

Lara looked at Jasper pleadingly. Jasper looked back at her and sighed.

Without further ado he walked away with an angry Ana behind him.

Interesting.

"So, what was that all about. With Jasper, I mean." Keena asked Lara as they were walking through the Pitt.

After dinner the girls had decided to go check out the clothing stores for a little bit.

Lara sighed deeply.

"He was my neighbor back in Erudite, you know. As a child, we were very close, but as he grew older he became more malicious."

Mira and Keena looked at her sympathetically.

"It's not even his fault. His parents were just such awful people.." She shook her head, indicating that she didn't want to talk about it any further.

Keena didn't press the point. She off all people understood wanting to keep some things to yourself. It wasn't her place to know.

She felt sorry for Jasper, but no matter how awful his parents had been, it didn't justificate his actions. Your past didn't dictate your future and running around in circles, making the same mistakes your parents had made. It wouldn't help you get a better life or become a better person. To Keena, it was weak to blame all your own wrongdoings on your parents. You were your own person, with your own set of brains.

Although, in all fairness. Jasper hadn't blamed it on his parents but Lara had. So, she couldn't really hold that against him.

She was shaken out of her train of thought by a shriek of Mira.

"Let's go in here!" She motioned to a shoe store.

30 minutes, 12 pairs of fitted shoes and 3 pairs of bought shoes later, they exited the store.

Mira had bought a pair of silver silettos, Lara a pair of maroon sneakers and Keena had been urged to buy - albeit reluctantly - a pair of knee high boots. She had been forced to buy them, was a more accurate discription. By her friends, that is, not the shop assistant. No, the shop assistant had actually looked at her in a mixture of amusement and pity.

The heels were ridiculously high as well, making Keena doubt she could even walk in them for longer than two minutes, but she had to admit that the suede fabric of the boots was fairly pretty. Maybe she could wear them on her hands instead.

As Mira went on and on how great their shoes were, a sudden figure came up in front of them.

"Initiates." Eric's voice was devoid of emotion but his eyes held a spark of despair.

Fun.

Sneaking a look behind his back the girls saw a pretty girl with soft wavy brown hair and big brown eyes approaching as wel.

"So, your Eric's new initiates. He talks about you all the time. Well, actually he doesn't, but you know how Eric is. Man of little words but big actions. We were just talking over there when he spotted you all, he insisted on coming to talk with you, didn't you Eric. Ohh, forgive my meanors, I'm Penelope."

She extended a hand.

Keena grinned inside. This was _priceless._ Now she understood why Eric had looked so bothered by Zeke's request from earlier.

"Keena, nice to meet you." She smiled sweetly at the girl.

As Mira and Lara introduced themselves as well, she raised an eyebrow questioningly at Eric, who shook his head in a barely noticeable way. As if to warn not to push his buttons for once.

Naturally, she was about to do _just_ that.

Keena merely smirked and Eric shut his eyes in defeat. He knew he had it coming.

"So, Penelope. What else do you know about the mysterious Eric." She wiggled her eyebrows. "You know, amongst friends."

Before Penelope could answer, a furious looking Eric clasped a hand to her mouth.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Eric taunted Keena.

She shrugged before locking eyes with Eric. For a moment, everything around them seemed to fade away. The intense stare of the other was the only thing either noticed.

It was over before either could give it a second thought.

"Ah, Eric, please _do_ let Penelope indulge us." Keena pouted prettily.

She winked at the girl in question, who still had her mouth covered by Eric's big hand. She did not look pleased. He seemed to realise this and let go of her mouth, but not without sneering to keep her mouth shut about him. She did as told. Seriously, was there anybody who _didn't_ do as Eric pleased? He was one of the leaders, for god's sake, not the tyranny king.

"Oh, buzzkill. You know what they say.." She whined in jest. "Curiousity. Killed. The cat."

She stretched the words out and she didn't fail to notice Eric's attention snapping to her tongue.

She grinned at him in challenge.

He smirked back.

 _"That's_ exactly what I am hoping for." and with those words he left.

 _Damn him._


	8. Chapter 8: Early Morning

Per usual, Keena woke up way before the other initiates. After years and years of being in the habit of having babies crying through the night, nightmares of her own, multiple kids to raise, a household to keep up with and doing her own homework into the early hours of the morning, sleep had never been a priority of hers. And thus, as a result, she didn't need much anymore.

Back in Amity she was extremely glad if she could hit the sack for over 3 hours. Now, she couldn't possibly sleep for longer than 5 hours even if she had more time.

Tip-toeing around the dorm, she showered and got dressed for the day.

Today was the big day, the first fights would dictate their rankings.

She had been glad to notice she was stronger than most of the girls and even some of the boys. Than again, she had about ten years of experience carrying babies and totlers around in her arms. As soon as one had been able to walk on its own for longer periods of time, anotherone had already been born.

It came in handy now.

Surprisingly, she didn't have that much nerves for today. It depended a little on who she was going to fight against, of course, but she figured most of them she could handle.

Despite Eric's taunts that she didn't stand a chance, she knew she did. Four had told her so as well, but even without his reassurance she would've noticed on her own.

First of she'd had enough fights in her life to know her reflexes were eminent. She might be the smallest one of the bunch, but it gave her an advantage in speed. Furthermore, her hits may not be as powerful as those of the big guys around her, but she figured that if she couldn't out-fight them, she must outsmart them.

She had read quite a few books on fighting skills in which weak spots of the human body were explained, and although Four and Eric had covered most of them during training, some were left untold. She had initially read it to fight of her factionless uncle from time to time - when he came begging for money-, yet just like many things she'd learned in her past, it served her well enough now.

Walking into the training room, she noticed that for the first time in the week she'd been here in the morning, the room wasn't still empty. Four was busy doing some excersizes himself.

Or maybe blowing off some steam would be a better description.

He was busy punishing some poor punching back for crimes it didn't comit with all the power he had.

"Woah, what has got you all riled up?" Keena came in laughing.

"Not a what." he grunted before turning around.

He looked like shit.

You're always this early?" He asked, moving some steps closer.

"Only if I'm lucky." Keena laughed. "Some times I'm here at 4.30am already."

Four nodded and looked at his bloody knuckles.

"Four, how long have you been here?"

"Since 1.30am."

Keena frowned, it was 5am now. He hadn't slept then. Talking about obsessive. Then again, she trained every day from about 5am to 5pm, so who was she to judge?

"I just wanted to blow off some steam after my meeting with Eric." Four explained at her questioning look.

"Clouds on the horizon? With Eric? You don't say." Keena grinned. "But if you have to punch that bag as often as he pisses people off, you won't be done until at least a decennia or five."

Four barked out a laugh, shaking his head.

"You seem to handle him rather well, though." Their was an edge to his voice.

Keena scoffed. Only if he meant 'rather well' meant 'still alive', just like the other initiates. They were all just hanging in there, trying to keep the tornado that is Eric at bay. It all started off innocent enough, Eric would just scan the room in his silent broading way, on the look out for errors. But boy oh boy, might he found one, you'd had a snowball's chance in hell on finishing the day with the same amount of self-esteem that you started it with.

It also seemed that with every single time Eric's eyes found her own, Eric hated her just that tiny bit more. Luckily, he had never singled her out after that first training day. He yelled at her just as much and just as loud as he did at anybody else during training and he seemed to load them all equally too.

She'd been gladly relieved.

But somewhere deep within she was also slightly disappointed.

"Not really." She answered curtly, not feeling the subject.

She knew that Four was watching her closely, but she also knew she had a pokerface to perfection. Whatever it was that he was looking for, she wouldn't give it to him just 'because'.

When he realised he was not going to get more information out of her face or body language, Four sighed and stepped closer to her. Everything in her screamed to take a step back but she was long since done with being afraid of men. Besides, Four wouldn't hurt her, so her fear was irrational as well as it was misplaced. Just to tell her own fear to fuck off, she stubbornly took a tiny step forward.

"Are you nervous for today?" he asked.

"Not really." She answered honestly.

"There's no shame in being nervous, you know."

She could feel his breath tickle on her face.

 _Wow,_ when did he get _that_ close to her? She hadn't even noticed. Quickly, she took a few steps back, feigning interest in some weights in the corner of the room.

"I gave you my honest question." Keena stated irritably. Four looked slightly disappointed but said nothing as he headed for the door.

"I think I will head to bed for a couple of hours before training starts."

"Yeah, you should. See you in two and a half hours." She forced a smile. He looked pained but eventually smiled back the smallest smile of all time. It had to be some kind of record. Still, it had been more than she had seen Eric smile at all.

Vicious grins not included, that is.

Four left the room, just as Eric entered it through another side door.

She hated to admit it, but she was relieved. For however annoying Eric may be, to his credit, nothing was ever awkward with him as it was with Four. For some reason you could just always count on Eric. Sure, his accountability existed of nothing other than his snarky hostile personality, but at least it provided some regularity. It wasn't necissarily a fun one, but it was something.

If nothing else, it served nicely for breaking the ice.

"Getting cozy with your instructor I see." He snarled meanly.

"Why? Jealous?" She shot back grinning.

To her utter annoyance, he looked fucking hot. To her even greater annoyance, this was nothing short of customarily for him. His thight-fitting training sweater nicely showed off his muscular bulky arms. She was slightly disturbed to notice they must be the size of her head at least once. Quickly, she thanked the stars that there was no chance of having to fight Eric today. For her, fighting him would be fighting the Chinese wall, or - like he had put it once - like an ant against a grizzly bear. _Lovely._

He snorted. "To be jealous there has to be something _desireable_ first."

"And here I was, desperately shipping 'Foric'." She grinned with a smile that nearly covered all of her face. "Four is extremely dashing you know."

He narrowed his eyes. "Watch it, Amity. I might just change the fighting schedule, and make you sit this one out."

"We're with an even number." She stated unimpressed.

"That is of no concern of me. I can easily make two people sit this round out if one perticular defiant Amity forces me to do so."

She rolled her eyes at him to annoy him, but on the inside she was slightly put on her guard.

He couldn't do that, right? But of course, he could and he would. This was tiran Eric after all. Eric did as Eric pleased and got away with it, no matter what it was.

She wanted to poke his eyes out for that.

"Asshole." She murmered to herself.

"What was that?" He was in front of her in mere seconds, towering over her menancingly.

Shit.

She brushed passed him, waving her hand in the air to tell him to let it go. It was never meant for him to hear in the first place, so it sure as hell wasn't worth repeating.

"Nothing, just let it go." She pleaded.

She had her back towards him and walked over to the weights, so she could actually make something productive out of this early morning. Also, to escape his scrutinizing gaze.

She should have known this would be the wrong call with Eric.

Without warning she felt her feet swept away from under her and she tumbled to the ground, cheek hitting the ground hard.

"REALLY?" She yelled unbelievingly. "Did you really have to?" She wanted to touch her cheek, but knew Eric would turn the guesture into something cowardice and un-Dauntless-like.

Eric towered over her, biggest grinn on his face she'd seen so far. He smelled nice and she wanted to punch herself for even noticing.

"We don't let things go around here, Tink." He spat. "We don't cut people slack, because if they're sloppy now, they will be sloppy during war and a sloppy army means people are gonna die."

It actually made a lot of sense. Except for one tiny detail..

"I wasn't even being sloppy! I just called you an asshole."

"I would say 'get used to it'," Eric continued, ignoring Keena completely. "But we both know you'll be gone within the next few months anyhow."

Keena laughed bitterly.

"Stop saying that! We both know I'm not going anywhere." She said while trying to get up onto her feet again.

Eric stared at her blankly as he pushed her back onto the ground.

"You're _kidding_ right? All you've managed to 'accomplish' in the past week is being _pathetic."_ He sneered meanly. "All week, it has been close to a _comedy show_ to see you hit that punching bag with punches so soft, a slight breeze would've had more chance to get some movement into that thing."

She scoffed, but he went on.

"You wouldn't even recognize a fight if you saw one, as you would've been killed before it truly began." He taunted, laughing at his own joke.

Still laying on the ground below him, she kicked his shin with all her might.

His laugh died quickly.

"Don't you dare pretend to know me." She hissed.

He looked slightly taken aback and for a second she felt herself the victorer, but as soon as the thought came into her mind Eric had grabbed her by the throat and walked over with her to the wall, only to push her roughly up against it. She was gasping for air as she hang from the grip of his hand, her feet bungling in mid-air.

Eric started rambling about his resolve crumbling and that one of these days he would actually kill her. Like _actually_ kill her. He was yelling some more but the words didn't register in her head, if they even reached her ears.

"Are you even _listening?"_ He yelled into her face.

She wasn't.

How could she when the hand around her neck barely allowed enough oxygen to not pass out? When all the air that did manage to enter her brains went straight to reliving that awful incident of 11 years ago?

/

Eric was furious. Never before had an initiated _tried_ to kick him, let alone manage to _accomplish_ it. He wanted to kill her in the most awful way possible.

He really did.

She got too easily under his skin and he wanted that torture to stop. He wanted her to leave his sight, his mind and his life. But alas, as killing wasn't an option without jeopardizing his position as a leader, he'd settle on drilling some fear into her instead.

To say she was scared shitless was an understatement and for a second he relished in the blind panic displayed in her eyes. Finally, he'd managed her to be scared of him, or so he thought, untill he spotted that glazed-over look again. It was the same look she'd had that night before when waiting in line. She had been in another world back then - just like she was now - although now her eyes conveyed lots more of emotion.

What he had thought to be blind panic, was in fact - he realised - pure terror. It only lasted a few seconds before she got her wits together and here face turned into yet another mask of indifference and bravado. Not that it mattered, Eric was convinced of what he had seen.

Strangely enough, the look had an effect on him he'd never experienced before. An uncomfortable burning feeling that started in his stomach and spread slowely to the rest of his body. It actually made him feel a little sick.

Shocked, he realised it was guilt.

As he lowered her to the ground so she could stand on her own, she was slightly - almost undetectably - shaking and he guessed she was keeping silent for the sole purpose of covering up her trembling voice. Her big green eyes were looking up at him in a mixture of anticipation, distrust, rebellion and anger. Her eyes sparkled with it as a smile crept on her face.

He hated that smile.

And for the first time, he realised exactly why.

It wasn't because it was an ugly smile, for she had unnaturally beautiful and endearing smiles. No, it was because he had never known what her smiles meant. She would smile at equally the most appropriate and most inappropriate of times. She didn't just smile because she was happy, like most people would. She would smile when angered, anxious, ashamed, disappointed, sad or hurt even. He doubted there even was an emotion were she would not smile.

For someone who barely even smiled when he was happy, this was ambiguous as well as it was unfathomable.

But it was more than that. It was the nature of her smile that drove him mad. She had kind of smile that held secrets. The kind of smile that told him that he didn't know her and never would. It angered him that she could dictate what he would or wouldn't know - as she would never actually give him the knowledge he now suddenly craved.

Horrified, he realised he'd just admitted to himself that he wanted to get to know her.

Of course, it was only and entirely because she seemed to challenge he never would or could. Nonetheless, she was the first woman he actually wanted to get to know.

Taking another look at the girl in front of him, it was as if he finally saw her for the first time. Her big bottle green eyes actually contained quite a few golden spots in them he hadn't noticed before, and although there had always been something in her eyes that drove him mad, it wasn't untill now that he realized it was way more than intelligence and mischief that twinkeled in them.

In fact, the twinkling in her eyes merely worked as a form of diversion; it was like the reflection of light on the surface of a deeper ocean; blinding anyone who looked at it from the darker truths and dangers beyond them.

She was more interesting than he had originally given her credit for.

"I need to go." Her voice sounded unfazed as always, but the difference was that Eric now knew she had been affected, but was just exceptionally good at hiding it.

He didn't understand how he didn't notice before.

How many time had he missed it?

Keena cleared her throat and it was only then that he realised his arms were resting against the wall at either side of her head, caging her in.

Hanging his head - his nose mere inches from the top of her head - Eric sighed deeply and consequently took in her smell; top notes of crisp mandarin followed by freshly cut iris and finished with trails of patchouli and musk. It fitted her personality perfectly; not to sweet, a bit of an edge to it and yet soft and feminine.

"Eric." Her voice was uncharacteristically pleading, making his head shoot back and his eyes shoot down, searching for hers, only to realise - to his great frustration - that she was avoiding to look at him.

When he made no guesture to move she ducked under his arms and fled the room without sparing him another glance.

He watched her leave through narrowed-eyes.

He would have to do some more digging into her past.


	9. Chapter 9: Fight & Alijah

**EPOV**

It was completely silent in the trainingroom.

Everyone had looked on in disbelieve how the last fight had ended in mere minutes; the time alone had to be some kind of record, but the fight itself would be told for years to come.

One girl lay on the ground unconcious, the other was watching the former with eyes wide like saucers, not believing it herself either.

It was completely silent, untill it was not; everyone started yelling at once.

Some congratulated the winner, others expressed their utter shock.

If Eric hadn't seen it with his own eyes, he would never have believed it himself.

On the ground, was a robust Candor-transfer of 6 feet tall named Nathalia. Hovering above her unconcious form was the elegant and 5,3 feet tall Keena.

Throughout the fight, which - again - only lasted minutes, Keena had been fast to evade all attacks coming her way. Her eyes had been cold and calculating, her reflexes close to perfect. After dodging several attacks, but having formed none of her own, everyone had started to believe it was just a matter of time before Keena would make a misstep in her artfully avoidance of getting hit.

Nothing could've been further from the truth.

Eventually, after yet another missed hit, Nathalia had slightly wobbled. Keena had immediately taken the opportunity of Nathalia's lack of balance and with one elbow strike to the sternum, Keena daftly knocked out the girl of nearly twice her size.

If it hadn't been for his revelation of this morning, Eric would've been certain it had been just a lucky shot. Now, he was not so sure.

If it wasn't mere luck, it would speak volumes for her intelligence and - to his vexation - fighting skills. One strike to the sternum could be deadly, if performed hard enough. Keena knew she wasn't strong enough to do that, but a softer strike could still render the person unconcious which was exactly what happened.

What Eric was convinced about, however, was that neither he, nor Four had thought the group about the spot yet. Exactly for the reason that fighters in their beginner stage were not aware of the dangers of performing such a strike and, if used in the wrong way, it would end in a dead initiate and lots of paperwork for Eric.

As two friends of Nathalia carried her to the infirmary, Eric shouted for the next fighters to get ready.

It appeared Keena would be a tough one to knock out of the competition yet.

 **KPOV**

"Is she okay?" Keena asked Daisy - an Abnegation-initiate and friend of Nathalia - who was just walking out of the infirmary when Keena arrived.

"She will be." Daisy grinned, "It's only her bruised _ego_ that will need time to recover."

Keena laughed and asked if it would be okay if she went to visit her.

"Yeah, no worries. She's not holding a grudge or anything. In fact, she is only impressed, much like everyone else I might add."

Keena smiled gratefully.

"You did well too! Against Ana." Keena grinned at the memory of Ana's broken nose.

Ana was a pretty girl but her beauty only consisted of exterior. She was as superficial as she was dumb, causing her to have little of a attractive personality, if you could admission her to have any personality at all. Maybe a broken nose would get her away from the mirror and towards the real life. Now Keena thought about it, Ana's 'personality' came extremely close to that of an Amity, viciousness aside. Although, the latter was a key-point of being an Amity.

"Yes, she deserved that little crack in her superficial bubble." Daisy laughed.

They talked and laughed some more before they split up as Keena went in to check on Nathalia and Daisy went to meet her friends in the Pitt.

 **EPOV**

"Missed you at dinner, love." Eric heard a familiar cheeky male voice say.

Even before he looked up, Eric knew exactly who he was going to see.

Alijah had been his best friend for as long as he could remember. Growing up in Erudite together, Alijah had been there for Eric throughout his entire life and visa versa. If somebody could claim to know Eric even in the slightest, it would be him.

Lazily lifting his head up and away from the paperwork on his desk, he, indeed, found a grinning Alijah in the doorframe of his office. But he was not alone, Zeke stood next to him; both men were widely grinning.

Something was up.

Eric didn't particularly have the time nor interest to find out what and if it weren't for the take-away food in their hands, Eric would've send them on their way out again.

Okay, that wasn't true. Alijah was Officer of Foreign Affairs; meaning he was away on business to other Factions a lot. Last three weeks he had been in Candor and so, Eric was actually pretty glad to see him again.

Not that he would show it.

"So?" Eric raised one eyebrow, making his piercings move along with it.

Still, there had to be a catch to this visit.. He missed dinner more often than he did not, and they never cared enough to bring him some food before.

"We thought you might like some." Zeke answered.

Eric stared them down unbelievingly.

"C'mon mate, need I a reason for chilling with mi bestes mate in the whole wide world?" Alijah joked in a strange voice, effectively making Eric chuckle before throwing a pencil to his head.

When they were little, they would often pretend to be pirates going on great adventures. They had developed a weird accent that went with it. Eric had abandoned it as soon as they stopped playing, but Elijah still persisted in bringing it up from time to time.

Taking the thrown pencil as an invitation, both men flopped down on couches in the corner of his office, taking the food out of the bags.

They had all been eating and joking around for a while, but when the subject of the initiates's first fights came up, the mood suddenly changed into a more serious air.

"So.." Zeke started and Eric rolled his eyes. Knowing his friends, he knew perfectly well that the real reason why they had come was about to be announced. "How did that pretty little Amity do?"

Jackpot.

Although, not the kind of jackpot Eric was thrilled about.

He had been looking into her history all evening. It was in fact the reason why he'd missed dinner. To find something on her was a task on its own, let alone find something interesting. Not that it was surprising; Amity wasn't exactly known for their tight-kept paperwork nor accuracy of their databank.

Strangely enough, he did find some classified files from about eleven years ago in the Erudite databank that apparently contained her name in it, but as he wasn't authorized to acces it, he couldn't see what it was about.

Naturally, he wanted to find out what that file was about. If nothing else, it could give a clue to the reason of Jeanine's firm believe that Keena was Divergent.

He had a friend in data-analysis working on hacking the file as we speak.

"She made a lucky shot that knocked the other girl out in record-time." Eric shrugged casually, as if it were nothing.

He still wasn't sure whether or not it had been luck or skill, yet untill he knew for sure he was not about to up-talk her into Dauntless favors.

Apparently, she had managed to do that enough on her own as it was. Everywhere he went, people asked about 'Amity', 'Shortcake', 'Gremlin', 'Pixie', 'Blondie' or other stupid nicknames. Most however referred to her as 'Keena'; they had met her before somewhere in the compound and actually talked to her.

Despite the awful nicknames some called her, one thing had been clear; they all rooted for her to become a real Dauntless member.

"Lucky shot? How so?" Zeke asked with more than a little interest.

As Eric explained the fight to Zeke, he noticed Alijah was deep in thought. When Eric was done answering all Zeke's questions Alijah finally spoke up.

"What is the name of this Amity-transfer I hear so much about?" Alijah asked. Eric noticed he was making an carefully-put effort on keeping his voice sound casual and detached from emotion. Interesting.

"Keena. I told you." Zeke answered.

Eric narrowed his eyes at Alijah, but he was daftly avoiding his. He knew Eric saw right through his act.

Normally, Eric would not care one bit. Alijah was the only person he trusted a whole 200% and he knew it worked the other way around as well. Yet, now it seemed Alijah didn't trust him with some part of information he had and of all the subjects that it could've been about, it just _had_ to be about the Amity.

He would try to get the information out of him later, when Zeke was not around. For now, however, he just decided to do what he always did; trust Alijah.

"That's not what he meant, is it, Eli?" Alijah's eyes shot up to Eric's. Good. At least now Eric could try to demand further answers later on with his eyes. As Alijah nodded his consent, Zeke remained clueless.

"Katharina Aella Hyde" Eric answered while Alijah hid his emotional response well.

Eric couldn't tell if it were relief, excitement or anxiousness he detected in Alijah's demeanor, but at least he knew it effected Alijah more than he cared to let on. It was clear his best friend and that little torturess of a vixen knew eachother.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Zeke exclaimed. "I never believed him." Zeke laughed out loud until tears ran down his face.

Uriah was Zeke's younger brother by four years. He was currently stepping in for a sick men of the day-patrol services through the city, so he hadn't been around much for the past week.

"How so?" Both Eric and Alijah asked in unison.

"When he was 10 years old, he'd come home from school one day, claiming he had met and befriended an Amity girl in the train. You can understand why neither our mother nor I could believe such a thing, so we just figured that this Katharina Hyde was merely an imaginary friend." Zeke laughed again. "Men, oh, men, how I taunted him with that for years."

Zeke was still laughing at this new revelation while Eric contemplated what this meant. Keena had jumped into a train on the age of 7 or 8, while being an Amity. Maybe she was Dauntless after all.

Alijah however, didn't looked fazed in the slightest. In fact, he took in the information with a small nodd and a slim smile, as if he were in on a secret.

Unknowingly helping Eric out with his burning questions, Zeke announced he had to leave as he was meeting up with another group of friends - one that included Four - down in the Pitt.

After the still laughing man left, Eric was not about to waist any time.

"How do you know the Amity?" Eric asked.

"We met back in school."

Eric stared at him blankly. They were both 24 years old. Keena was a mere 18. Alijah and himself had still been in the generation that had to choose factions at the age of 16 instead of 18 as it was now.

So, it had to be at least 8 years ago when they had met. Meaning, Keena had been 10 years old when meeting a 16-year-old, that is, if it wasn't even earlier back in time. It made no sense. There were no interfaces of kids with a 6,5-year age gap.

"Eric, you know I trust you with my all, but some things aren't mine to tell."

Eric grunted but knew it would have no effect on trying to push the subject any further.

"I met her again two years ago," Alijah surprised Eric by talking any further about her. Unknown to Eric, Zeke had told Alijah about Eric's uncharacteristic irritation with the Amity, making Alijah curious about it. Wanting to see the reaction for himself, he decided to talk about Katharina in a way that would not jeopardize her trust in him.

"When I was in Amity for those two months," Eric nodded at the memory of it. "on one of my walking trips through the Amity-woods I found her throwing knives at some three. She was rather good, teaching herself different ways by reading a book about it. I helped her along for the remainder of my stay at Amity. For those last 5 weeks, every schoolday we would have exactly 20 minutes to throw knives together before she needed to pick up her little siblings from the Amity nursery. It was the highlight of my stay."

Throughout his speech, Eric's eyebrows had gone up in a disbelieving surprise.

"You taught a non-initiate how to throw knives?" Eric asked accusingly. "That's against Dauntless rules. It could endanger the whole city."

"Oh, posh. It was harmless enough, besides, she was already teaching herself. If anything, it was quite clear to me she would become a Dauntless when she came of age. She was 16 at the time, at that age we too were throwing knives in the Dauntless compound. It's not her fault the law changed just a year before she came of age."

"She was using _books_ to learn it, you said. She could've just as easily been an Erudite."

At this Alijah barked out a laugh.

"Ha! With her personality? Not likely. I swear, if people were like storms, you'd be drizzle in comparison to her 'hurricane on crystal meth'. That girl has way too much passion to be stuck in a emotionless zombie-faction like Erudite."

" _I'm_ the drizzle?" Eric huffed. "Next thing, you're telling me I'm a pink fluffy teddybear." He told an amused Alijah.

"Oh, boohoo! Does it scare you that the Amity girl is more terrifing than the big bad Erudite Hulk you are?" Alijah taunted, thouroughly enjoying riling up his best friend.

"She? scary?" Eric scoffed, "Hardly. She's a 5'3 feet tall midget, she's harmless as well as defenseless. She wouldn't be able to endure a storm, let alone be one."

And right then and there, the air grew thick and serious.

After a long silence Alijah finally spoke.

"Don't underestimate her Eric. Katharina is a tough one. She has survived more storms than either of us and although she might seem fun and games on the surface, cross her in the wrong way and she will destroy you without hesitation."

Temporarily ignoring the statement of her tough past, Eric's mind shot back to two years ago, when Alijah had come home from his two-month trip to Amity. He'd been very somber and his friends - including Eric - had all blamed it on the fact that after so much annoying happiness in Amity, he simply needed to charge up by being sullen for a few weeks. Now, Eric was doubting that was the reason.

"What the hell did she do to you?" Eric asked accusingly, half fuming over the Amity and half sad for his best friend.

Alijah shook his head and barked out an empty chuckle.

"She didn't do anything. Not on purpose anyway." He sighed. "Like that's the thing. She doesn't even notice what she does to people. She will come to you like a storm without warning, washing over your doubts while swallowing up all your fears. You will hate it, try everything in your power not to succumb to her ways and then, when life drives you apart, you will wonder how you've ever hated the rain."

"You loved her." Eric concluded in an emotionless voice, not knowing how to feel about that fact.

"I do." The present tense of his answer made Eric want to punch something. Hard.

"Shit."

"Yeah."

Silence.

"It wasn't until I met her, I understood exactly why storms are named after people; She destroyed me in the most beautiful way possible, leaving behind a trail of destruction and chaos when life bereft me of her again. But she did give me the oppertunity to rebuild myself in a way entirely up to myself. I like more who I am today."

Eric didn't know how to respond. His throat had gone dry as his hands fought the urge of throwing the table upside-down. He hated that Alijah spoke as if he knew her so well. He'd seen her 5 weeks, two years ago. How well could he get to know her in such a short period of time?

Then again, he only knew her for a week himself.

Too ease his restlessness, Eric stood up and walked over to his desk. Taking out a bottle of whiskey out one of the drawers, he poured them both a drink.

"I'm not asking you to back off, though." Alijah said eventually, when Eric handed him his drink.

"What are you talking about?" Eric asked honestly confused.

Again there followed a damned silence.

"You love her too, and I don't hold it against you if you'd persue your own happiness." Alijah eventually said.

Eric, who had just taken a sip of his whiskey, chocked on it.

"I do _not."_ he coughed.

"You're in denial, but you do. Very much like myself two years ago."

"Well, if that's the case I won't steal her away from you." Eric said in an as bored voice as he could muster.

On the inside however, the whole conversation made him want to puke.

"Not for at least another year or two it will take for me to come to my senses." He joked, with the purpose of lightning the mood. "Besides, you saw her first, so it's only fair you get to have her."

"It doesn't work that way and you know it." Alijah shook his head.

"Well, either way, _I don't want her_." Eric felt a sting as he spoke the words. It was a lie and deep down he knew it, but he chose to ignore it. "She's a whole lot of crazy and a whole lot of trouble. The girl is like a circus."

Alijah chuckled,

"Maybe, but at least she isn't boring. Soon you'll want to run away with her, never to return."

Eric hated the fact that Alijah was talking about her in this meanor. He didn't understand why exactly, but the fact that Keena was dear to Alijah made him want to throw his fist in his best mate's face.

He blamed it on the pain-in-the-arse Amity.

"It sounds to me that you want me to." Eric said irritably.

He didn't want to think about it, because if he thought about it he realised he, indeed, wanted to. How could he not? She was facking gorgeous, funny and smart. And if he was totally honest with himself, she never seized to surprise or amuse him.

It was why he liked watching her.

She did always the total opposite of what he expected her to do, and as soon as he expected the unexpected she'd still surpise him by doing the expected.

He also had started to like seeing her unguarded. It was either during training when she thought no one was paying attention to her, or when she was amongst friends, participating in some nonconsequential conversation. Her cheeks would turn red slightly if she was concentrating on training, she would twirl her hair around her finger when she was bored and she bit her lower lip when she was trying to hide her amusement at something stupid one of her friends had said but didn't want to offend them by laughing.

But he also liked her in her guarded moments. He respected her for being a private person, yet he didn't like her privacy. If that made any sense. He just wanted to understand her but he didn't want others to. Still, there was something about her mystery that worked alluring.

Honestly, he didn't even know why he hated her anymore. It had since long been obvious that she wasn't just on the look-out for an adventure. Maybe she was still Erudite, but he couldn't deny she had a Dauntless factor as well and he actually enjoyed her Erudite-intellect as he was intelligent himself.

Furthermore, she was the first woman that had actually dared to stand her ground against him. Even Tori, one of his closest female friends, left her thoughts to herself more often than not when they disagreed. Keena would just try and stare him down. And my, oh, my. One angry look from her could freeze a whole army, making them think twice about pissing her off any further. But on the other hand, one genuine smile from her made you feel invinsable. She was like fire and ice at once. You feared the cold and craved the burn.

She was a hellfire and holy water wrapped up in one; a feisty little thing with a heart of gold; Fiercly loyal to her friends and kind to anyone who didn't cross her or her loved ones. The fact that she had visited Nathalia in the infirmary this afternoon spoke volumes of that.

To him, she was perfect. This included all her flaws. If he had to describe his perfect woman, she'd be it and that was exactly what made his blood boil. No one could be perfect. There had to be a catch. In Eric's experience, nothing ever went the way he wanted it to go. Eric did as he pleased because he never got what he wanted.

His parents had been shit, but at least one life lesson they had taught him well. Life was an unexpected road of disappointment. There was no need to hope or dream or love when in the end all the good would be destroyed by the bad in the world. History had showed that same pattern over and over again. If you didn't want to experience the pain of having the good stripped away from you, being clinically about life was the best option.

He had firmly held on to that believe until she had come along. Alijah was right, she was destructive, but unlike Alijah, he had found no beauty in it.

In fact, Eric resented her for it.

He wanted to break her bubble of optimism and endless smiles, even if they were fake. Life was no laughing matter. Why she persisted in being kind and happy was a mysterie to him.

"Why are you pushing me to want her?" he angrily asked Alijah.

This rendered Alijah silent for a bit.

"I'm not trying to make you want her." He answered eventually. "You already want her. I merely make you see it so you won't make the same mistakes I did."

"But you can have your second chance now. You could try to win her back."

"She's not the type of woman to be owned." Alijah chuckled darkly. "Give her a little credit, will you. She's way too smart for that, even you have to admit that."

Reluctantly, Eric had to agree. Keena's strength was much like his own; She - just like him - didn't rely on anyone else. All she needed was her own secret world that existed only in her mind. Consequently, she belonged only to herself.

But _why_ did he feel the urge to change that?


	10. Chapter 10: The Aptitude Test & The Liar

**Thank you so much for following me and your kind reviews!**

 **As one of you kindly pointed out to me I mixed up some Elijah/Alijah in my last chapter. I meant for it to be Alijah, which is an Arabic name meaning sublime. The more common Elijah is quite similar and although I like it very much, I decided to go with Alijah because I wanted some more multiculturalism in the characters and names. My autocorrect is a bigger fan of common names however, so my sincere apology for the confusion.**

 **Also, as some of you might have noticed, I'm not from an English speaking country (The Netherlands actually) so any further typos I completely, utterly and unfairly blame on that and my dyslexia!**

 **Didn't you know that the "I own nothing" also goes for errors? haha.**

 **Anyway; on with the story! Love,**

Keena had had enough.

She found herself in a room of the Erudite headquarters waiting untill Jeanine would arrive so she could take her Aptitude test. Which was fine, if it wouldn't be for Eric's constant stares that were driving her to madness.

The room was quite simular to the one of the Aptitude Test in the Hub, except for the addition of two people; Eric and Four and f the quarrel she'd just witnessed earlier that afternoon was anything to go by, Four had invited himself along.

Not that she minded, he worked as a great distraction to Eric watching her every move.

Ever since she won her first fight a week ago, Eric had been close to stalking her and _NO_ , _obviously not_ in a subtle way. It was clear to her that he had been looking for something very specific, although Keena could not wrap her head around what exactly. She was quite certain, however, it wasn't just flaws or errors in her training he was searching for.

Maybe he was looking for signs of Divergence. Just like Jeanine was hoping to see confirmed today.. that bitch.

It mattered not. Today she would erase all doubts from Jeanine Matthews, Max, Eric and Four.

"So, how come you aren't?" Four asked. It must have been the third time in ten minutes he referred to her non-existend nerves.

Keena was about to answer when Eric scoffed.

 _"Please,_ the girl guards herself like a secret." Keena raised her eyebrow at this. "So, stop asking all those boring questions she will not answer honestly anyway."

Well, _fuck him_. That remark actually stung.

"I never _lie_ if that's what you're implying!" Keena defended herself.

"But we both know you're _not_ an _honest_ person either." Eric said lazily, pretending to be interested in his nails.

She wanted to rip those nails out one by one, before giving them back to him by sticking them in his eyes. Who was he to determine what she was or wasn't like.

Who gave him the right to think that he _knew_ her.

He didn't.

Or did he?

He had been paying so much attention to everything she did as of late. It made her nervous, anxious and even scared.

Eric was intelligent as much as he was strong. In fact, his more humoristic taunts were extremely clever and she had caught him more than once staring at her with a knowing look in his eyes when she was beating around the bush about a truth.

It was very much possible he saw right through her antics and that thought scared her more than anything.

From early on, everything had been taken from. Her choices, her body and her voice; all but her mind had been ripped away. Others had dictated her life, made decisions in such a way she had none left, her body had been abused, her mouth had been silenced. But her mind, they would never be able to reach her mind and if it could not be touched, it could not be stolen from her.

For years she had found comfort in the fact that her mind was a safe haven. A place no one could enter and thus, as a result no one could destroy. And _yet,_ Eric was looking at her like he was familiar with her mind. As if he could crush it under his thumb at any given moment he so much as felt like it.

How _dare_ he.

"Well, aren't you _presumptious."_ She spat angrily. "At least Four did this thing called 'asking' instead of watching my every move for god knows what reason!"

"Oh-no! Am I making you feel uncomfortable?" Eric taunted in fake-concern.

 _Yes._ But she was not the type of person to admit that. Also, it was the first time one of his taunts was actually spot on. She felt nerves bundle in her stomach and Keena couldn't help it. She laughed. Like the real and uncontrolable kind of laughter. It was pure because of the nerves she didn't know how to process - as she had never felt so out of depth before - but it was laughing nonetheless.

Eric narrowed his eyes at her, not liking the turn this conversation had taken in the slightest. He stepped closer to her, his tall and broad figure caging her in against a wall.

Keena's mouth dried up. Not out of fear but out of anticipation. She wouldn't have found it weird if his towering over her would have made her nervous, but the funny thing was that it didn't.

She actually felt calm, collected and dare she say... even relaxed as her nostrils filled with his scent of sandalwood, lemongrass and leather. He smelled exactly befitting; as a strong masculine man.

The air between them suddenly changed. She was not sure if Eric felt it too, but if the way his eyes shot to her lips was anything to go by, she guessed he did.

She felt his hand brush against her own and _damn,_ if she had thought boys of her past made her feel sparks, this shit was like the Big Bang. Her skin was literally burning while the air was being sucked out of her lungs.

"Enough!" Four bellowed, his voice bringing them back to reality and they quicky jumped apart. "Both of you are acting like children. Let's get this one day done without taunts." _Way to ruin a moment, Four._

"Don't tell me what to do." Eric whispered agressively. Eventhough Four tried to look unfazed, it was an effective warning.

Taking Keena's hand, Four walked them over to the other side of the room - not that it helped much as it was a super small room. Keena didn't quite like the fact that Four had just grabbed her hand. She wasn't big on physical contact like that.

Fighting? Yes.

Seks? Whatever.

A rough friendly clap on the shoulder? Sure.

But she wasn't big on the small physical contact with no purpose other than showing intimacy, regardless whether it was meant in a romantic or friendly way. She just didn't like it.

Except with her siblings of course. They could hug her or hold her hand as much as they wanted.

Extracting her hand at lightning speed, she could just feel Eric's fuming face turn into one displaying satisfaction. Without looking back at him she decided to taunt him but before she could do so, Four turned around, facing her.

He lowered his head. It was too close.

"Jeanine thinks you're divergent." he whispered in a hushed voice. "You have to be carefull, do you understand?"

"Okay."

"You're not divergent are you?" He said a bit harder, frustrated at her seeming indifference.

"Well, as I'm about to make the Aptitude Test, how would I know?" Keena told him indignantly.

Four nodded his head in relief as Keena tried not to be bored with the situation at present. For a silent broading guy, Four was not the most perceptive unless it was right in front of him. He was clever but not intelligent. Turning around, however, showed her someone who was.

Eric's eyes were razor sharp and focussed. No doubt he had heard the conversation.

It didn't matter. She would show them how Dauntless she was in the test. She wasn't stupid, after all, she would simply do the test the way a true Dauntless would do it; Don't be defiant, just grab the knife. Don't out-smart the attack, just kill the dog.

It would be fine.

"Katharina, pleasure to see you again." Jeanine's cold and detached voice lied as she walked into the room.

"It's Keena now." Keena told her, not wanting to return the fake sentiment.

"I didn't realise you would be monotoring the test yourself, Jeanine." Eric said after giving a kiss on Jeanine's cheek. "I would have thought you'd have something better to do with your time."

Keena was surprised. Everyone in the room she currently found herself in knew Jeanine was obsessed with the idea of her being Divergent. She wouldn't miss it for the world. So why was Eric attacking Jeanine like that? What use could he have?

"And miss a chance to meet up with my only nephew? I wouldn't dare." Jeanine's face actually contained the ghost of a smile. An honest smile.

 _What?!_

Keena's eyes shot to Eric's and back to Jeanine's. Both had the same ice blue color.

This made so little sense and so much sense all at once.

For one, the fact that Eric grew up in Erudite made a lot of sense. She had always known he was intelligent as well as clever, and with his knowledge, him growing up at Erudite was not such a shocking thing to believe. Also, his detached personality boardering on cruelty at times... well, yes, it fitted the profile of an Erudite perfectly.

Being related to Jeanine Matthews however. No logic was found in that. Jeanine was the most dispassionate woman Keena had ever had the displeasure of meeting with. Eric... Well, they fought a lot but Keena had never found that a bother. In all honesty, she rather liked the challenge and with Eric it really was. Sometimes he won, sometimes she did. _Mentally_ that is, Eric would always win any fight by making it a physical one as soon as it became clear he wasn't going to win the psychological part.

 _Asshole._

The point was, however, that although with an agressive nature, Eric was as passionate as Jeanine was not.

While Four and Jeanine also shook hands, Jeanine's eyes already focussed back on Keena.

"Also, I'm here to stop my curiosity." She started. "I've been informed that you never tell lies." Keena looked about the room and spotted a recording camera in a corner. Of course that witch had been watching.

"I'm not a _Candor."_ Keena settled on. Not liking the turn this conversation was about to take.

"I'm sure you're not." Jeanine's eyes were calculating, relishing in her temporary obsession.

"Shall we start then?" Eric's voice consisted of nothing else than unimpressed boredom. "I have more on my hands today than just this trip."

As Four connected all the wires to Keena's head, Jeanine decided to scew up her field of view by standing right in front of her. She was far from ugly but pleasant looking was a whole other description. Maybe if she wouldn't look like you would freeze from her cold emotions Jeanine could have been called gorgeous. But alas, life had it's cruel ways.

"Have you ever heard of the term 'divergence'?" Jeanine asked.

"I did. At a campfire back in Amity. It was some supposingly scary story." Keena yawned unfazed.

"Drink up." Four ordered. Handing her the liquid.

Doing as she was told, she drank the bottle empty. Glad to get away from Jeanine for a little while.

/

Keena had come out of the test as a true Dauntless.

 _Sucked._

Eric had hoped he could continue taunting her as a fake-Dauntless, but at least he would never have to stop using his nicknames for her Amity-upbringing. He liked her riled up by them way too much.

Jeanine did not look happy with the results either.

"I was convinced she was Divergent! My instincts have never been this wrong."

To her credit, Eric could imagine why she'd think Keena was divergent. He'd had moments, these past two weeks, in which he'd thought the same. He also noted her carefully placed words when Four had asked her directly if she was one. She did neither confirm nor deny the question but simply asked him a question back, leaving the interpretation of some empty statement up to Four, who'd taken the bait easily.

As Jeanine left the room, Keena woke up.

"And? Am I a real Dauntless?" She asked, her eyes locked on his. For a moment, Eric could swear he could see something akin to mock in them before they turned to concern.

"Where is Jeanine?" She asked, looking around.

Her voice sounded indifferent as usual, but after a week of studying her very closely Eric had finally found out her tells.

First of all, just like all other people who lied, her pupils would dialate as a sign that her brain was working hard. Yet, with her, the dialation of her pupils made her eyes seemingly darker, turning her usually bottle green eyes into a shade of emerald.

And secondly, by false indifference her every movement would be just the bit slower than her real indifference. It was probably meant as a way to ensure people would notice her indifference by ways of fanning the flame.

Both tells were bearly detectable but yet they were there. And right know, Eric knew she was not impartial of the fact that Jeanine wasn't here.

"She's gone. Probably doesn't find you interesting anymore now you turn out to be a real Dauntless." Four said with a small smile.

Keena smiled back. _Another_ deception, she was not happy or relieved in the slightest.

She looked at the door and then back at himself and Four.

"Can we go then?" She asked and as Four answered in the confirmative Eric noticed her demeanor slip again; her eyes were focussed and anxious.

"It can't be this easy." He heard her mutter to herself, brushing past him following Four to the door.

It was only seconds later the voice of Jeanine Matthews ordered them to stay put. With a bottle of white liquid in her hand, she came hurried down the hallway towards them.

 _Truth serum._

 _If_ Keena really was divergent, this would be a time to panic.

Turning to the girl in question, he was taken aback by her demeanor. Eric swore he saw her sigh in relief. There was something not quite right about her eagerness for Jeanine's return. It was an eerie kind of voyeurism in her need for bad news.

It was part of her mystery, he supposed, how she remained so calm facing storms and became so anxious in the quiet. It was as if she was always on the lookout for another setback, as if she didn't believe life could be easy at times and didn't know what to do with herself when it was or seemed to be. Instantly, a knot formed at the bottom of his stomach.

Her world only made sense to her when there was something going wrong. Maybe that was the reason she was so defiant to him, she craved the trouble it got her in. She was the type of girl that would stick her hand in fire, not because she was stupid enough to think it was something else, but because she liked to get burned.

"I want to do a truth serum." Jeanine said.

Eric noticed the pure terror in Keena's eyes.

"Absolutely _not!"_ She stated firmly.

"You don't have a choice." Jeanine's eyes were like a predator measuring up a pray. Eric didn't particulairly like that and unconciously took a step forward.

Jeanine flashed him an annoyed look, before turning her attention back to Keena, who scoffed.

" _Yes, I_ _do._ I came here merely as a kindness to you, for the sake of statistics but I never agreed to being treated like a Candor-initiate or _suspect_ in a court case."

Admittedly, Eric was impressed. Not many dared to stand up against Jeanine, even less would find their point of view have more logic than that of Jeanine. Keena would actually win if it would come down to a argumantative war.

"You wouldn't be so scared if you weren't divergent." Jeanine stated matter-of-factly.

"And what about the sake of privacy?" Keena hissed. "How am I to know what you're going to let me reveal."

 _"Please,_ I'm only interested about your Divergence. Not in your pathetic little personal life." Jeanine frustratedly spat.

Keena let out a bitter laugh.

"Pray, _do_ tell, what is worth the word of an Erudite?" She stared up at Jeanine in an icy glare. It was a terrifying one, even if you weren't the receiver of it. Eric was glad to note Jeanine took a small step back because of it. "Precisely. _Absolutely fucking nothing._ As you so efficiently showed me before."

A flash of understanding showed in Jeanine's piercing blue eyes, and it didn't go unnoticed by Eric. For some reason he was sure it had something to do with that classified file on Keena he'd found a week ago.

 _"Fine,_ than answer me this; Are you divergent?"

"I can not _possibly_ answer a question if I do not understand its meaning. What do you mean by divergent?"

Eric didn't miss the fact that Keena stated some random fact first. She could have easily said 'I don't understand what you mean' or 'I don't know what Divergent is'. but she didn't, meaning that she probably did know and understand.

It always went the same way with her when she refused to answer a question;

She'd try to divert attention from the asked question and if that didn't help she would simply stat a fact. It was done cleverly, always about something that could be interpretated as related to the question's subject, but in fact always missed the reference to it, also making it a general statement alltogether that could be said about a number of subjects.

Smart enough to cover this up, she would then follow the divertion up with a question of her own, related to the question and only seemingly related to the stated fact before.

Eric was fairly pleased with himself for figuring her out.

Jeanine however took the bait.

"A divergent has not one but two aptitudes."

"In that case I'm not a divergent. You just saw me get only one." Keena stated bored, but neither Eric nor Jeanine missed the gleam in her eyes.

Jeanine took in the girls appearance and narrowed her eyes. "I mean _multiple_ aptitudes."

"You just saw me getting only Dauntless. I don't understand why you keep persisting so."

"I think you are a smart enough girl. So much, that you could have easily manipulated the Test because you knew what to do to become a Dauntless. I think you already made the test, your results showed your divergence and your dear Candor father was left to cover it up with lies."

Eric's eyes shot up. It was a bit far-fetched but still possible.

Everything with Keena so far had been far from easy. So a far-fetched theory like this could be closer than the truth than he'd suspect with anyone else.

For two weeks, Eric had been wishing her out of his life. Gone from his sight, mind and dreams. Now, he finally had the chance to make that happen. All he had to do was make her swallow the liquid, ask her the question and cross his fingers for her being divergent so Jeanine could erase her out of his life forever.

Finally, he'd gotten something that he wanted.

Only it _wasn't_ what he wanted, was it?

Sure, he had wished for it. But wishing for something and wanting something turned out to be completely different things.

He wished for her to be gone. But his wish was a mere desire for her to never having entered his life. Now she had, however, he wanted her to stay. Or more specifically, needed her to stay because his wish could not become true anymore; he could never truly erase her from his mind even if she did disappear from his life right this second.

He sure as hell didn't want her to end up dead as her being a Divergent would have her do.

"He's not dear to me."

"Answer me this! Do you have multiple aptitudes? _Yes. Or. No."_ Jeanine's voice was a terrifying mixture of demand and coldness.

He was about to step in when he heard Keena answer.

"No."

Eric wouldn't have guessed how surprised he was with that answer. It only showed him how much he had thought that she was.

After all, she was extremely intelligent so being a Dauntless and Erudite wouldn't have surprised him. But she also never lied, so she even could be Candor. There was even a possibility to claim her to be Amity or Abnegation too.

She was a complex person.

So her answer of confirming her to have only one aptitude effected him in such a way he was surprised at the extent of his doubts. He didn't know he had given it so much thought.

His eyes shot to Keena's but the fire in her eyes was gone and instead looked very much hollow.

"She's lying!" Jeanine suddenly leaped forward, grabbing Keena's arm and yanking Keena towards her. Her goal was probably to force the substance down Keena's throat but Keena defended herself without a second thought, flooring the other woman and making the bottle of liquid shatter on the ground.

"Jeanine." Eric drew out as bored as he could muster. "She just showed us she is a full Dauntless by means of the test as well as this spectaculair show of you being floored, we will be leaving now."

Keena flashed him a greatful smile as he brushed passed her towards the door.

It was a first for him to get one of her real grateful smiles and for reason it crumbled all of his last bit of resolve in admitting - to at least himself - that he, indeed, wanted her.


	11. Chapter 11: The Dog & The Haircut

All the way back to the Dauntless-headquarters, Keena had been uncharacteristically quiet.

 _Quiet._

Eric had never seen her quiet before.

 _Silent?_ Yes, many, many times. But there was a big difference between her being silent and her being quiet.

When she was silent, you could tell she still had a lot to say but simply choose not to; her mischivous eyes would betray her loud mind. In that case, one look at her would demand an acknowledgement that she was a force to be reckoned with. Her razor sharp, calculating mind was something to be feared and admired all the same.

She was a dangerous woman when silent.

There was nothing intimidating about her being quiet, however. She just sat against the wall of the train compartment, hugging her own legs and resting her chin on her knees. Her eyes were glanced over as she looked at the by-passing landscapes.

She looked small, defeated and weak.

Eric despised it.

He hated weak people and not only because Dauntless had no use for them. It was because there was no need or reason to be weak. Either you had a happy life without a worry in the world and there was no cause to become weak, or you had an unhappy life with lots of troubles and there was no option to become weak.

If tough-life people would break down and and develop an all consuming self-pity causing them to become weaklings, their troublesome circumstances would make sure they'd end up dead. Thus, weaklings were merely easy-life people with lots of unfounded self pity.

He himself hadn't had a life full off rose petals, rainbows and sunshine, but there was no use in crying about it. If he could be strong, so could everybody else. Furthermore, as a leader, he couldn't tolerate any Dauntless being weak, for the sake of the army, the city and thus, the safety.

But if he had learned anything from the past two weeks of initiation, Keena was far from weak. She might have her moment of weakness now but it didn't make her become it.

So, just for this once, he'd let it go.

Four seemed to be of the same mind as him and so the trio remained in silence as the train transported them back to the Dauntless compound.

/

"Keena!" Lara greeted as soon as Keena set foot in the cafeteria. "How did it go?"

"Killing a dog makes a Dauntless, apparantly." She smiled.

Her friends congratulated her on being a real Dauntless although they all had suspected as much. They meant wel, but for Keena it stung to have them so happy for her deception. Normally, she wouldn't have minded, but today wasn't like usual.

Today she had lied.

She kept telling herself over and over again that she didn't have a choice but the fact was that she did.

She choose to lie.

And it wasn't so much the lie that bothered her, but the fact that it hadn't felt as bad as she expected it would feel. She had no doubts or regrets, and that was what bothered her.

She never lied because she didn't want to inflict pain on people like that, but in this case not-lying would've had her killed. Between hurting a cold-hearted Jeanine Matthews with an untruth or saving her own life, she had chosen herself.

She stood by her choice.

But it did feel like the end of yet another chapter of her old Amity-self and she just hoped that at the end of initiation her siblings would still be proud to call her their sister if they knew how much she had changed.

As a child and young adult. You see the world in black and white; right and wrong, good and evil, truth and untruth.

But maybe lies were a necessity at times and maybe lying was not always such an utterly bad thing to do. After all, it was a messy and complex world they lived in, nuances _could_ and _should_ be found in everything. Except in Candor of course. Candors would live forever in that perfectly black and white world, but was it ethical? Should every person be treated like every other, while their circumstances were far from the same and thus one person was clearly not comparable to another?

Candor would say yes. An act is an act. A deed a deed. A punishment a punishment.

Keena disagreed.

Still, her new revelations made her head spin. All the way back to the Dauntless headquarters she had been wrapping her head around this new concept of lying and what it meant for her as a person.

Althoug she would continue to prefer deception over lying, she would lie when she had to; when it came down to a life-or-dead situation like this afternoon.

But when she did lie, she would not allow herself to feel any kind of negative feelings because of it. It was her right to protect herself.

 _Certainly,_ no one else would.

Eating and chatting amiably with her friends, Keena noticed Jasper enter the dining room with a sly smile on his face. He was walking purposefully to their table. _Great._ Just her luck. As if Jeanine wasn't enough unpleasantness in one day.

"Well, well. Look who's back." Jasper taunted. "Did you finally find out that you should've stayed in Amity, little _flower-midget?"_

"Well, well. Look who still didn't upgrade his orginality." Keena shot back. "Did you overhear Eric call me that _all by yourself?_ Who's a good boy?"

Jasper narrowed her eyes at her.

"Is it Jazzy-bell? Yes, it is." Keena continued in a voice as if talking to a puppy.

"Stop that!" Jasper commanded Keena in a hostile whisper, who other than grinning widely, looked utterly unimpressed. In the meantime they had attracked the attention of more tables than just the one Keena and her friends were sitting at.

Keena shrugged in response. "I already killed one dog today, I think I can fight _another."_

"You little bitch!" He spat. "You think you are so popular, but _mark my words;_ no one gives a shit about you! Your friends were just fine without you today, the trainers want you gone, and I have it on good authority ..."

Keena noticed a malicious glint in his eyes.

".. that even your dear mother didn't love you. She rather whored herself out across the city than spend time with a humiliating daughter like you!"

There were gasps comming from all around the room.

Keena stood up and walked slowely around the table until she was standing in front of him. The top of her head came as far as his nose, but it mattered not.

She stared him down.

For a long while it remained silent. The entire cafetaria was watching them closely. For this time, Jasper thought himself the victorer.

Oh, how wrong he was.

When Keena finally did speak her voice was ice cold, calculating and dangerously emotionless. It commanded a silent attention in a way that no fool would dare to challenge.

 _"Bravo,_ what a _fine find_ you did." Her words were sharp like a razor, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "You think you are _so_ clever, revealing a part of my past you had _no_ business in knowing. But you forgot; _I care not_ and I shall forgive you for your repulsive _nosy_ ways." referring to the nickname of an Erudite; 'Nose'.

Jasper scoffed but Keena wasn't quite finished yet.

"You try to knock me down when I'm on my way to the top of the initiation board. Instead of fighting me like a _real_ Dauntless would, you try to pry your way into my head, trying to weaken me _mentally_ like an _Erudite_ might. _No Dauntless_ would act that way; Only a _coward_ would."

With those words spoken, Keena brushed passed him, slowly making her way to an exit.

Her back was towards Jasper as he opened his mouth to reply, but it was as if she had eyes in the back of her head and she put her hand up in the air, stopping him before he had even uttered a word.

"No need for you to have the last word, Jazzy-bell. I'm sure it was something _erudite."_ She said without looking back and she made her way out of the room. Leaving behind a fuming and embarrassed Jasper and a shocked and impressed Dauntless crowd.

The doors had just closed behind Keena when they eruptered in a loud racket of laughter and shouts.

It wasn't long before her friends came to find her.

 _"Oh, My, God!"_ Mira exclaimed, dropping an arm on Keena's shoulders and leaning heavily onto her. "You _killed_ it! His face; _Priceless._ Your voice; So facking _terrifying._ Beautiful. Chapeau. No words." Mira was full of excitement, making Keena shrug off any negative feelings and laugh along. Mira was truely precious.

"Yeah, you were pretty bad-ass." Jonah agreed. Maximus and Gale nodded along.

"And you know we love you right?" Lara asked carefully. "He's just full of bullshit."

Keena smiled at the tall brunette. If Keena hadn't seen Lara's fighting skills, she would have been sure the girl was an Amity. She was always so kind, which was like a miracle having grown up in Erudite. The kind of people they produced there were not easy to lable as warm or kind people. Jeanine, Eric, Jasper.. Lara however seemed the total opposite. Keena guessed it was some sort of anti-reaction.

"No dear, I know you guys were all just sitting in a corner today, eagerly waiting my return as you were all very depressed and confused without me to entertain y'all." Keena joked, winking at a snickering Gale.

"Busted. Now you're back however, how do you guys feel about getting some tattoos and piercings?" he asked.

It was not a bad idea. Although they would still have some fights to come, they would start with knives tomorrow and for the remainder of the week. Meaning, there would be lots of time for the first sting to ease away so it couldn't be used against them in a fight.

They all agreed to go but walking through the Pitt, Keena's eyes fell on a hairdresser shop instead. Shooting a pleading look to the girls they shrugged.

"We can't all get a tattoo at the same time anyway." Mira said.

And so the girls split up with the boys and entered the shop.

One and a half hour later the girls left the shop with their new hairstyles.

Lara's former brown locks were now a deep dark green, Mira had cut her raven hair into a messy bob and Keena had her long wavy blonde locks dyed into a smokey grey with some occasional mint green string wrapped dreads throughout her hair. The darker color of her hair in contrast with her lighter skin, really made her bottle green eyes pop.

They all looked amazing and told each other so as they moved on to the piercing shop. Mira and Lara had bought some clothes earlier that day so they would wait with the tattoos. Keena however decided to treat herself after the challenging day she'd had facing the ice queen herself.

In both ears she wanted a standard lobe and upper lobe piercing. Additional to her right ear she also chose to get an industrial and snug piercing. Her left ear would get two helix rings, an outer conch and a tragus. All would be in rose gold.

Yes, her Dauntless-points would be almost spent up all the way, but this was the first time in her life she didn't have to watch her money and save it for food. Being an initiate food and a place to sleep were free. For the first time in her life she could treat herself and what better way to do it than becoming a full dauntless? She also wanted to get some tattoos but as she wanted them to mean something she hadn't quite figured out what to get yet.

She only knew it had to have some connection with her siblings, but as she found names tacky she was still deciding on what exactly.

By spending almost all her money on piercings, she would have some more time to figure it out without the temptation of 'just getting one done already' as her spending-points would be too little for her to do so.

And so she did.

"You look so Dauntless!" Mira excitedly yelled, a nodding Lara behind her. "The rose gold looks awesome in combination with your hair as well!"

As they exited the shop Keena bumped right into something.

Or someone.

Looking up, she looked into the piercing blue eyes of Eric.

Nope. It was a something after all. If his wall of a body wasn't enough to deem him not human, his face was playing along by being a stone mask of indifference and annoyance as well. As soon as his eyes met hers, however, it changed into something akin to surpressed curiosity.

"Get of off me." He ordered curtly while grabbing her upper arms and pushing her backwards. His touch however was gentle and his push more a guiding than rough.

 _What the actual fuck._

Was it not just a week ago when he had pushed her at such a force she almost collapsed in the middle of the dining room? And did he not roughly trip her and push her back onto the floor merely a day after that?

She wasn't complaining that he didn't now but let a girl be shocked.

To make it weirder, he looked as confused as she was feeling.

"Katharina?" she heard a voice say. Turning slightly around to look at the figure next to Eric, she saw a face she hadn't seen for a very long time.

"Alijah? Oh, wauw. How great to see you! How are you?" She asked giving him a short hug.

True, she didn't like hugs from people who were not her brothers or sister, but for people she hadn't seen in a long time she would make an exception.

They made a minute of small talk until Eric stated they should go.

"I'm sure we'll see each other soon enough." Alijah said with a little wink. "I have a feeling you're not going anywhere any time soon."

And with those words he hurried after Eric, who'd already walked off.

She turned around to her friends to see them stare at her completely dumbfounded.

"What?" Keena asked honestly.

Mira and Lara looked at each other and back at Keena, who was standing there clueless.

"Oh, dear. Sorry to break your innocent Amity bubble... we need to talk." Mira grinned wickedly.


	12. Chapter 12: Nightly Thoughts

Mira and Lara were _out of their minds._

There was _no_ way Eric liked her.

Keena had just explained how she knew Alijah, although she left out the part about throwing knives - as it could jeopardize Alijah's position in Dauntless - but just leaving it to meeting up in the woods. Which, in all honesty, had sounded _pretty creepy_ in Keena's mind but the other two girls had thought it hopelessly romantic.

You can imagine their disappointment when Keena told them they had never even as much as kissed.

Keena was glad about that fact now.

Sure, she had had some sort of small crush on him back in the day. How could she not? She'd been a 16-year-old bored-out-of-her-mind Amity girl meeting up with a 22-year old 'dangerous' Dauntless man, who could be described as the first 'real' man of her acquaintance. She'd always found Dauntless men the most attractive of all factions, even before she'd met any in person. The guards and the patrol-officers with their broad shoulders and serious faces had something about them the flimsy and smiling Amity men had not.

So _yes._ She had had some kind of interested fancy in the man.

But she'd also had a lot on her plate back in Amity, so she hadn't had time to investigate those feelings any further. Furthermore, Alijah was bound to leave again after a few weeks, so developing lots of feelings would only have complicated things. Suppressing them had been the far more easy option.

Long since however, she'd come to realize it wasn't the man she'd been partial to, but the idea of him. If that made any sense. She hadn't had feelings for Alijah, but with the older Dauntless man Alijah represented. At that point in her life he could've easily been swapped with any other Dauntless man and the effect would've been the same. It was the title, not the person that had attracted her to him.

Now, was a different story.

Now, she was more focused.

Despite being surrounded by countless Dauntless men, her mind didn't wander off to them - with the exception of Eric maybe, who's impeccably irritating personality demanded some thoughts from time to time. She was here with the purpose of surviving initiation and building herself a life she wanted.

Men would only come in the way of achieving that goal.

She was on her way of making her dreams come true. She wasn't at Amity anymore and didn't have that exhausting difficult life she'd had for so long. Looking back on those times, it had eaten her alive. She'd been a shadow of her own potential. She'd been overwrought, depressed with an additional PTSD. She had used the Amity-bread known for its calming serum more times than she cared to admit.

Amity acquaintances would often tell her that they didn't know how she did it. In all honesty, neither did Keena. She guessed that somewhere along the way she had started to get used to the pain in her life.

 _That_ had been her mistake.

Because 'being used to' became anticipation, anticipation became craving, craving became needing and eventually she inflicted it on herself.

She hadn't had the time nor freedom to get herself seriously in trouble, but she had had time to cause some small forms of pain on her own body. The sting of burned or cut flesh would make her feel she was still alive, things could be worse and she should hold on to what she had; her dear siblings.

Keena supposed her little 'crush' on Alijah was simply just another way of getting what she unconsciously needed to hold on to her life a little bit longer.

Albeit having a crush was a far more happy method than the sting of self-mutilation.

Here in Dauntless, however, she didn't need a stimulant for wanting to live.

Here she was _thriving._

Of course, it would take her a while longer before she would overcome her span, depression and PTSD, but they weren't so undeniably present anymore as they once were.

Focusing on the present again, Lara was just finishing with all the reasons why Eric liked her.

Keena hadn't listened.

It was _bullshit._

"Yes, and he was _totally_ jealous when you hugged Alijah!" Mira chimed in. "I didn't even know it was possible to look that angry. It was even worse than that time when Dakota refused to fight Jasper during first fighting rounds and he hung her over the Chasm. _Seriously,_ if looks could _kill..."_ She shivered.

 _"Please,_ Eric is _not jealous."_ Keena laughed. The idea was too absurd.

"Do you have another explanation for the _roaring_ passion in his eyes than?" Mira grinned teasingly.

"Yes. Insurmountable boiling hatred." Keena deadpanned. "Believe me, if anything is passionate, it's the abomination he feels for me."

"No, I don't think so. It really was jealousy." Mira told her with a pained smile. "You forget I was raised a Candor. Don't underestimate my perception of body language."

"Well, maybe he's jealous _at_ me then." Keena got a mischievous grin on her face. "Maybe he's _gay."_ She wiggled her eyebrows.

Mira snorted. "Not a chance."

"He looks at you a lot." Lara's soft voice came through. "Like a lot, a lot."

So others had noticed to. _Great._

"Does he now?" Keena feigned ignorance. "Well, Jeanine thought I was a divergent, I believe that's why I had to take the Test today. Maybe Eric was ordered to watch me closely?"

At the word 'divergent', Keena noticed a slight stiffening in Lara's posture. _Interesting._ It wouldn't be surprising if Lara was indeed Dauntless _and_ Amity.

"Divergent?" Mira asked with eyes wide as saucers. "Those are _real?"_

Keena was slightly offended at the way Mira spoke. 'Those', as if she were talking about a box full of rotten tomatoes.

"Jeanine wouldn't hunt them down if they weren't." Keena answered.

"Ugh. Bummer." Mira whined. "I _really hate_ Jeanine and as much as I want to hate everything she does, now I can't. If Divergents really do exist, I'm glad she hunts them. I heard they are extremely dangerous."

Keena scoffed.

"I bet it's just a scare story, though." Lara managed to bring out firmly, yet her voice trembled slightly, almost undetectable even. In fact, if Keena hadn't paid her any extra mind after she'd seen her stiffen, she was sure she would've missed it.

"Yeah me too. I bet Divergents are _just_ as dangerous as the likes of me and Lara are." giving Lara a pointed look, whose eyes widened in understanding. "So, you better be scared of us too then." Keena finished and stuck out her tongue at Mira who laughed out loud.

"Not a chance in hell, little Amity." Mira teased. "I can kick both of your butts at the same time." she boasted laughing.

They all laughed and joked around as they made their way to the dorms. Lara and Keena in particular glad that the certain subject was over.

/

Eric couldn't sleep.

Or read.

Or think.

Or anything else.

The thing was that a visage of _her_ was plaguing his mind ever since she'd bumped into him a few hours earlier.

She had looked so fucking good with her new hairdo and piercings.

So, so good.

Like a true Dauntless.

 _Fuck._

It was one thing that she had looked beautiful in her small, blonde Amity girly-girl way with her golden locks, rosy cheeks and fair but slightly sun kissed skin. He could handle that, deceiving himself by telling her she didn't belong in Dauntless and would be leaving soon. An attempt to convince himself that he shouldn't waste a moment's thought about her.

But now..

With her new looks, it was impossible to pretend she didn't fit in anymore. Although he loathed admitting it, her personality had already convinced him of that ages ago, but now it would become even harder to call her Amity nicknames when she was looking the part of a real Dauntless that matched her attitude.

It fitted her personality way more.

It also attracted him so much it was insane.

With her hair in shades of smoky grey, her bottle green eyes stood out as the brightest elements on her face, demanding all attention to them.

Eric inwardly groaned at the thought of those big doe-like eyes of hers.

He hated them because they taunted him with unspoken challenge.

He loved them because they spoke the truth even if the rest of her would hide it well. They would always be honest; her eyes were the only part of her that could not be made to deceive. The flames in them spoke of stories her mouth would never tell.

In fact, all he knew about her, he had learned from her eyes and her eyes only.

Where most girls he knew, if not all, would talk about the most useless of subjects - just for the sake of conversation and attention - and boring him to death by doing so, Keena would - unless provoked - remain very much silent.

The funny thing was that Eric couldn't pay attention to those talkative girls for more than was absolutely necessary, while with Keena, because her talking was so scarce, he wanted to absorb every word of it.

No matter how cryptic her words may be.

Yet it was less than her eyes would tell him. Keena had the ability to say things with her eyes where others wasted time with by putting into words.

It was done very much involuntarily, of that he was certain, as her body language was always determent to hide every bit of vulnerability her eyes might show.

It was there nonetheless.

And he was glad for it as it was the only thing he got.

Eric didn't delude himself in thinking that he knew her now, just because he had learned her tells. _No,_ he saw it more like a poker game. He could tell when she was bluffing but he still didn't know what cards she _did_ have in her hands.

Still, he was fairly certain that being able to detect that, was already more than others could claim.

Not that it was enough for him.

Eric wanted more. He wanted to push her boundaries and go beyond. He wanted to fathom the girl no one had ever had been able to get close to. He wanted to fathom the girl who'd managed to break his best friend's tough heart.

He saw it all as a challenge. Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact that he was physically attracted to her. He had been physically attracted to lots of girls in his life and he knew himself well enough to know that the pull towards her he felt right know would be over as soon as they he'd had her once.

It had nothing to do with so-called feelings Alijah had told him he had. That idea was too absurd. No, his fascination was all in the name of knowledge.

He might be Dauntless now, but he still valued his Erudite upbringings. He wanted to understand things and was willing to go through some serious troubles to get the information he needed for that, unbothered by ethics or morals – he was after all still waiting on that friend that was trying to hack her classified file – and thus, as a result, he always understood things in the end if he cared enough to work for it.

Keena, however, came with a problem.

The girl made it impossible to pin characteristics down on her as everything she did was contradictory.

It made it difficult to pin an aspect of her character down if everything she did was so contradictory. It seemed to change with the company she found herself in.

If one was gentle and kind, she would be gentle and kind in return. If one was fierce and aggressive, she would be fierce and aggressive too. It was clear that she didn't play games and would treat you the same way you'd treated her. She mirrored someone else's behavior and yet, she remained totally unique in her doing so.

She was far from a copycat, nor was it an act for attention, like other girls would do. Unlike them, Keena wasn't wearing a mask nor was she just one face acting like another. No, Eric got the distinct feeling she was one of them and all of them. She was generous _and_ selfish, kind _and_ dangerous, gentle _and_ fierce, all depending on the person she was facing.

The girl had some serious shape-shifting habits.

The funny thing was, at times when provoked, she would be a hellhound from the first circles of hell, but at times when she wasn't feeling attacked by someone and thus didn't feel the need to show her defiance or fury, she would do everything in her power not to be noticed.

He had caught her trying to hide or shy away behind other initiates more than once after their eyes had met and when their paths would cross in the hallways or in the Pitt, she would take a turn or walk into a shop so she could avoid him or in hopes he might not notice her.

He found her attempts utterly hilarious.

As if it would work.

It never worked.

How could it?

Albeit she didn't realize it herself – nor probably wanted it – Keena was that kind of girl that demanded attention just by walking into a room. Everyone who'd seen her could testify on that behalf.

Hell, half Dauntless was already obsessed with the girl.

For reasons Eric did not understand, he might add.

Most people hadn't even seen the girl for themselves, and even less could claim to have met her and yet somehow there had been established some kind of enigma around Keena for these passed two weeks. The Dauntless members were all rooting for her, asking Eric or Four about her process every chance they got.

Some people just had that air about them, Eric supposed, without any real reason why.

Sure, Keena was pretty, fierce and intelligent. But it was a general description; more women were like that. No, she had that _extra_ little something about her. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was exactly… _yet._

The fact remained, however, that she was not the kind of woman who could be hidden, it simply wasn't in her nature. Regardless that she _was_ a woman who hided like a child.

Or like her life depended on it, more precisely.

It made him wonder what it was she was hiding and why she'd been so frantic over the truth serum earlier that day. Granted, he wouldn't have wanted to take it himself either, but still, the despair in her eyes had been obvious.

He still considered Jeanine's far-fetched theory as a possibility.

Looking at the clock it was already 4am.

Well, since sleep wasn't an option anymore, Eric went down to the gym to blow off some steam. If not his mind, at least he could take control over his body at any given time.

Standing in front of the punching bag, her head popped in his head again.

Eric hated that he wasn't in control of his own mind anymore. Not since she'd come along in his life and persisted in challenging him with those big bottle green eyes of hers and that cheeky smile that came with it.

He hated it. _Punch._

He craved it. _Kick._

He feared it. _Double punch._

He loved it. _Tripple punch._

Fack. _Kick._

He turned around at the sound of a door opening, seeing no other than the tortures of his mind waver in the door opening.

 _Of course_.

Just his fucking luck.

"What do _you_ want?" he sneered meanly. Putting all his frustration over her in the words.

"Oh, I figured it would be empty, I'll leave you to it then." She turned to leave.

For some reason this didn't sit well with him. Before Eric even realized what he'd done, he'd called out.

"Wait!"

She turned to him, eyes looking up to him expectantly, her bottle green eyes locking on his ice blue ones and in that very moment her sparkling orbs held nothing else but her unspoken question on what it was she had to wait for. There were no secrets, no judgement, no hidden emotions. Just curiously waiting on what he was about to say with patience.

He had nothing to say.

So, as an automatic response; he taunted.

"Couldn't sleep because you're homesick, Amity? Not to worry, the factionless will welcome this pathetic display of weakness with open arms. Birds of a feather flock together, after all."

It was a lie.

The truth was, although he might treat her like shit, she was in fact one of the best transfers of the year. She was the wolf with fangs amongst the herd of lambs. Ready to leach out at any given time if someone provoked her the wrong way.

Eric knew for a fact she would make it into Dauntless, but taunting and being a cruel paint-in-the-ass just came more natural to him, especially around her. Hell, Eric couldn't even count the times he had told her he didn't give a shit about her and wouldn't waste time giving advice on bettering her fighting skills because she would be off to the factionless in no time anyway.

Nevertheless, she had been very clever in her ways to win with her disadvantage in size. She might have a small frame, but she had refused to be as fragile like a little Amity flower like her was ought to be. Instead, she had turned out to be as fragile like a bomb; waiting patiently until it was her time to destroy.

And destructive it would be.

Her eyes widened in disbelieve at him.

"That's what you wanted me to wait for?" She shook her head in astonishment. "Seriously Eric, stop being pathetic." Her voice was strangely soft and gentle but she had said it with such finality Eric felt berated. Without further notice, she spun on her heels and walked out with a sigh.

His pride couldn't leave it at that.

And so, he went after her.

/

He found her not much later, climbing down the chasm.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He said, but the loud noise of the water prevented her from hearing. Either that or she ignored him. Which was a big possibility as well.

Groaning he went after her. Well, he still needed to shower anyway.

His long legs easily climbed off the rocks, faster than her short little legs could and soon he caught up with her halfway through.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked again, this time closer to her ear so she couldn't pretend not hearing it.

"Baking a cake, Eric." She deadpanned. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm climbing down."

Well, fuck that. He did not feel for her smart-ass antics right now.

Without hesitation or problem, he lifted her up from the rocks, swinging her over his shoulder with ease before climbing up again with a struggling Keena thrown over his shoulder.

He noticed how very light she actually was. She couldn't weigh more than perhaps 50 or 55 kg.

Keena was yelling to let her go, punching and kicking him as much and as hard as she could as he carried her up again, but he was unfazed by it all. She had way too little power in her to hurt him.

Once arrived on top he put her back onto the ground in front of him but as soon as he had let her go, she turned around and went to climb down again.

He yanked her back against him by her hair. Her tiny fists started beating up against his chest again but grabbed her wrists with ease and pushed her roughly against the nearest wall, he put his hands on either side of her face, caging her in completely.

"What was that all about, Amity? Do you want to die?!" He bellowed angrily over the sound of the Chasm.

She remained silent though.

"Please tell me if you do. There are way more efficient and less messy ways than climbing of the chasm!" Eric continued yelling.

"Jesus Eric. I was merely climbing down. Not jumping." She rolled her eyes.

"Now why would you do that?"

"Now why would you care?" Came her curt reply.

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"I don't see why you'd make a problem out of this." She sighed. "If nothing else, it could turn out most fun for you of all people. Best case scenario... I die."

Eric lifted one eyebrow in unquestionable authority; he was ordering her to stop while daring her to continue all at once.

"Watch it, little midget."

Of course, Keena would not be Keena if she took it without a fight.

He might not know who she was, but he sure knew what she wasn't: meek.

"That's a pleonasm." Came her curt and unimpressed reply, finishing it with an exaggerated rol of her eyes. "Either way, you have no right to dictate my every move."

Eric smiled viciously.

"I very much do, actually. I am your initiate trainer and Dauntless-leader!"

"Please!" Keena spat angry. "These are no training hours. What I do in my spare time is none of your damn concern nor business. Climbing down the Chasm is not against Dauntless rules!" she yelled with all the frustration in the world. It was a good thing that the noise of the Chasm over-powered their voices, for people would've surely woken up because of them if not.

"How would _you_ know about Dauntless rules?"

Keena smiled in disbelieve, shaking her head.

"I can _read_ , Eric… So, go fuck yourself and stop studying me all the god damn time. You won't graduate."

"Maybe if you would be honest for once in your life, I wouldn't have to fucking decipher everything you say and do!" He whispered menacingly.

"My privacy is _no_ concern of yours!" She yelled frustrated.

Eric barked out a humorless laugh.

"Please, it's not called privacy in this case. It's called denial. Whatever it is you're hiding, you are pretending to the world it doesn't exist. Not only to anybody and everybody but also to your god damn self."

Keena looked at him wide-eyed before she slowly narrowed them down in an icy glare.

She remained silent so Eric continued.

"How can you claim to be a Dauntless when you're even afraid of your own feelings, little Amity!?"

His sneer hit the intended market; her eyes briefly flashed with hurt and anger but she still didn't reply. It angered Eric further.

"You're no Dauntless. You pretend to be so brave but how could Dauntless ever count on someone who is afraid of herself, hm? Tell me that." He yelled.

"Stop it." Her soft voice demanded firmly. It was almost a whisper but the softness of her voice only maddened him more.

"You grin when you feel like screaming, you laugh when you're afraid and you smile when you're feeling like shit. Just because you're putting feelings away doesn't mean they are not there!"

"Stop it." She ordered again. He didn't listen.

"So, _that's_ what makes it my business honey. You are no Dauntless, you are a _coward_!"

She slapped him in the face.

Holy hell, it actually hurt.

Her tiny fists had actually hurt.

Not that he showed it.

"Don't you dare pretend to know me, Coulter. You have no right. None." She hissed viciously. But it was the glint in her eyes that rendered him silent. " _You_ _don't_ _know_ _me_. Study me what you want, but you will _never_ know me and thus you don't get to say what drives me, nor what my fears, doubts or reasons are. _Do_. _You_. _Understand_?" Her words were full of venom and finality.

And just like that Eric saw another contradiction of her: Her eyes were filled with fire while her words were cut out of ice.

"You're right. I don't know you." He started.

"At last, something sensible comes out of your mouth." She interrupted.

"But I think I come as close to knowing you as anyone has ever gotten." He continued unfazed, ignoring her completely. He towered over her, stepping into her personal space. She immediately took a step back, pressing her own back into the cave-wall behind her.

She remained silent, but her eyes were warning him, challenging him, daring him to continue.

He dared.

"Yeah, try and stare me down." He taunted. "We will be standing here for all eternity."

She didn't back down. Instead, she put her chin up in defiance and looked up at him in unmistakable annoyance, a blazing fire in her eyes while they zoomed in on him. God, she looked hot.

And all of a sudden, the air around them thickened and suddenly he became very aware of how close they actually were. Only few inches keeping them apart, he could feel the warmth of her small frame radiating off of her. Some hairs tickled his hands and arms on either side of her head and her breath smelled like peppermint with hints of strawberry as she breathed out a small cool breath on his face.

Their eyes locked and he swore the golden spots in her eyes were a galaxy on its own.

And just like that, the space between them seemed to magically disappear and he kissed her.

And she kissed back.

It wasn't a sweet kiss. Nor was it a kind one.

It was a fiery and desperate battle for dominance. Tongues swirling around, trying to get the upper-hand. Neither backed down. Lips were pulled and bitten, teeth clashed. It was a hungry needy kiss, poring all their frustration, annoyance and passion into it.

Eric caged her in, pressing his greater body against her smaller one, effectively trapping her between the wall and himself.

She was so small, yet he wasn't afraid he'd crush her. She was too strong for that.

His right hand grabbed her hair, slightly tugging at it while his left hand went to the small of her back, pulling her closer into him if it was even possible.

She moaned softly.

Eric didn't waste a moment of this advantage and immediately started to dominate the kiss. But where other girl would've given up, Keena fought back again. Desperately trying to regain her lost dominance with her tongue, she pushed her forms in all the right places and bit his lip hard before sucking at it to ease the sting.

Eric groaned.

Losing all that was left of his mind, his hands drifted south, cupping her butt-cheeks before pulling her up against him. She swung her legs around his arse with ease before Eric pressed her hard against the wall with his own, molding their bodies into one. His already hard member pushed against her entrance, only clothes separating them.

His hands traveled up, brushing the side of her breasts before his thumbs reached out and rubbed over her stout nipples. Even through the fabric of her top he could feel them stiffen under his touch.

His lips left hers and he started to bite, suck and kiss down her neck.

One of her hands grabbed his hair, pulling it hard while her other hand found the way into the collar of his shirt, her nails digging into his back. It was a sweet pain and Eric relished in her passionate nature. All her touches seemed to burn into his skin and all his touches seemed to burn into her. She pressed herself closer against him, every bit of space was suddenly too much and started to move up and down, rubbing herself up and down his hard-on.

Until he sucked down on her throat.

She gasped, but not in the good kind of way, he could tell by the stiffening of her body. Both of them were thrown out of their daze as quickly as it had begun.

They jumped apart at such a lightning speed it was as if fire had burned their skins by touching. She slightly stumbled from her jump back to the ground and hit her head hard against the stone.

Eric wanted to reach out for her, to check if she was okay but he noticed her flinch at his touch so backed down.

"Have to go." Keena said curtly, avoiding all eye-contact.

 _Of course_ , she was.

Getting one step closer with this girl was like taking ten back.

"Couldn't care less." He stated bored.

Suddenly mad at himself for even caring he turned around and strode away himself.


	13. Chapter 13: Fighting Jasper

**Ola my beautiful readers!**

 **So, I've been 'a little bit' [read; extremely] busy lately and thus wasn't able to write and update as much as I would've liked. I fear that my lack of time and effort as of late has showed in the latest few chapters (including this one), but I endeavour to better that, so I kindly ask you to hang on a little while longer with me if this has bothered you in any way. If not? Even better. Haven't said a thing.**

 **I really love your reviews, so please don't hold back on my account. I am very much open to tips, requests or ideas for the general story line or scenarios and such, although I can't make any promises as I have a few plots planned already.**

 **If you rather sit back and keep all those wild thoughts to yourself, thats totally fine with me too ofcourse, I'm just honored that you're reading this. So my special thanks to all of you for that!**

 **Now: on with the story. Enjoy!**

It was a fact.

Keena stood on the _top_ of Eric's very own _'shitlist'._

It had to be some sort of accomplishment. Knowing Eric, his list would be _endless._

Keena imagined it to be something like this:

1\. Keena - yeah, that's right; she flattered herself to be the most prominent and annoying thorn in his eye. She was on the top of his list without a doubt.

2\. All the people that had disobeyed him in some way or another.

3\. In came... Four. Those two got along as well as oil and water

4\. The initiate weaklings who wouldn't make it into Dauntless because of their lack in effort.

5\. At the bottom was everyone else.

The higher your rank, the more shit from Eric you got and the less he could have and for the past 6 weeks, Keena had been high and mighty on that list. So much, even, that Mira had taken back her words of Eric liking her somewhere about 4 weeks ago.

Not that Keena cared what Eric did or didn't do. She was glad to have fallen back into their usual pattern of quarrels. Even if their disagreements had become more hostile than ever.

In fact, were it not for her years of experience with hostility from her own mother and uncle, she might even have been offended at his childish bahavior of trying to cut her with words.

Not that it worked, of course, nor had she deserved any of his hostility.

Seriously... One kiss.

One fucking kiss and the banters - that had formerly been at least 20% fun - were now a complete antagonism.

One kiss was all it took, apparently, for him to treat her like she was a demon from the depths of hell… or in Eric's case like an angel. Because, c'mon, let's face it. Eric would actually like all things coming from hell and despised the white and bright kingdom of clouds.

Still, one kiss and he acted like a fucking _infant._

 _Then again, didn't all men?_

Not that Keena minded, she had enough on her plate with the initiation as it was. All his taunts managed to do, albeit unbeknown to Eric, was making her work harder and get stronger. Her increasing hate towards him, turned out to be more than little helpful and gave her just that tiny extra bit of energy she needed to push harder.

Although she had been out of practice for a while, throwing and fighting with knives still had come natural to her. After two days of training, her abilities had been back to were she had left it and the remainder of the training days she had been able to perfect her skills.

She was by far the best.

Guns however, now _that_ was a completely different story.

She didn't like them, nor was she able to figure them out. Holding them felt way deadlier than holding a knife and although she hated admitting it, she barely stood her ground with the kickback of most guns, making it hard to aim properly.

Meaning; _in came Eric's nasty taunts._

But alas, other than Eric's pure hatred towards her, they had been avoiding each other like the plague outside of training. No, outside of training she only had the luck of being graced with Jasper's _enjoyable_ personality.

Which brought her to the present.

Keena looked to the scoreboard. Today was the day of second fighting rounds and as life – or Eric – would have it, she was up against Jasper.

Her fight with Jasper would be the last one of the day. All of her friends had already fought, Lara and Maximus the only two who hadn't won. Lara stood safe enough on the scoreboard not to worry to much about that, especially since she was doing well with knifes and guns too. Maximus however, would have to step up his game.

He had already lowered in ranks after he went in against Eric.

 _Flashback:_

"Need I repeat myself?!" Keena heard Eric bullow.

She turned her head to find Maximus as 'the lucky chosen one' of Eric's rant.

"But, they're still throwing." Maximus stuttered, his cheeks red of fear.

Eric didn't respond but instead lifted his eyebrow in unspoken challenge. Only a fool - like Keena - would dare to continue questioning him when he did that. Maximus was no fool.

Keena watched as Maximus slowely shifted forward. The people around him who were throwing knives stopped throwing and he looked at them gratefull.

She shut her eyes in agony. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ Had he not learned anything?

Lesson number one: Never show weakness in Eric's presense.  
Note: To Eric, gratefulness is a form of weakness.

Keena could tell this would not end well.

As Eric ordered everyone to stop throwing, he signaled for Maximus to go stand in front of the target. Eric himself took a stance with 4 knives in his hand.

 _"Dauntless are not afraid._ Everytime you _flinch,_ I will have to substract points from your score."

Keena couldn't help it, she scoffed and Eric turned to her in the blink of an eye.

"Something funny, _Amity?_ I can easily do the same for you too, you know."

"I'm sure you can, _Eric._ Bully us all you want, but blinking when a knife is thrown at you does not determine our bravery. In fact, if I recall correct, we have been taught the very first day that there is a fine line between _bravery_ and _stupidity._ Standing in front of a target and trusting someone unkind not to hit you seems pretty _stupid_ to me."

Eric gave her a devilish grin.

"Erudite, depend on a substraction of points." He told Maximus. "Amity..." He lingered and before Keena knew what had happened, he had thrown two of his knives at her at the same time, cutting of some locks of her hair next to both of her ears.

She hadn't flinched.

"I'm going to finish you off." Jasper grinned wickedly. Stepping into the ring.

"Truly, aren't you precious." Keena deadpanned.

"You won't find me precious when I'm kicking that butt of yours, flower midget."

In a weird way, Keena was convinced this was Jasper's very own - and slightly disturbing - view of enjoyable banter.

It wasn't even an hour ago that she had roasted his _'butt'_ in the cafeteria during lunch. By know, you'd think, that the guy knew he stood no chance in a verbal match against her.

After six more weeks of making himself look like a fool, he still hadn't learned not to provoke her or insult her friends.

It was as if he craved to be roasted. Well, oh, well. Who was she to take away his happiness? She could indulge him, if nothing else, for the sake of karma.

"Oh Jasper, Jasper." Keena tsk'ed with a grin on her face. "Didn't know you were so desperate on the woman-department, if you want to touch some butts you should've just asked Ana."

Jasper scoffed.

"Please, I'm not desperate. I could even make _dwarfs like_ _you_ want me if I wouldn't be so repulsed by you."

Keena sighed.

"You know, sometimes, I really _do_ wonder if your head is like a broken vending machine. Maybe if I hit it, something good will finally come out of it."

"Watch it, _midget._ I'm starting to think you have a dead wish." He looked furious and his nose nearly blazing with smoke and just like that it wasn't banter anymore. Deen yawned unimpressed and waved his comment away.

"I would say some last words if I were you. You won't be able to when I'm done with you." He whispered hostile.

Keena rolled her eyes but kept silent. Arguing with a fool only proved there were two.

"Whatever. let's get this over with."

"Maybe you're just really keen on reuniting with your _factionless uncle." Jasper_ taunted.

This got Keena's attention and her eyes snapped to him. He had a devilish glint in his eyes, telling her there was more where that came from. Maybe he had stolen her file, but he wouldn't be so bold as hinting on that with Eric and Four present.

She looked over at Four for help, hoping he would tell them to start the fight, but he looked engrossed in the whole situation himself, looking at her with wide eyes. _Lovely. Applaud the professionalism._

Daring her eyes drifting over to Eric's, she found him staring at Jasper instead with narrowed-down eyes. Maybe he was wondering where he got the information from too.

 _"_ _Don't talk_ of things you have no knowledge off." Keena waved Jasper's comment away, trying to act airy.

In truth, her heart was racing.

Even if it was nothing the Dauntless compound didn't already know, she wasn't fan on making her private affairs common knowledge. It was in her file, so it shouldn't matter but she was very fond of her own privacy and Jasper telling her whole initiation group about a part of her family history – again – he had no part in knowing, was not something she felt a particular cheery feeling for.

Jasper scoffed and moved over to her. Circling her like she was a pray, he whispered in her ear.

"You are either going to end up factionless or die during initiation, Amity. _Mark my words_."

Keena laughed. She had had enough empty treats in her life to be scared off his now.

"Please, the only way I would die here in Dauntless is if I would climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ."

Jasper rolled his eyes and spat at her viciously as he went to stand in position. He was about to retort but Four stepped in before he had the chance to say anything else.

"If you two are done throwing sass around, can we finally start the fighting. Today please." Four's voice was strict, yet everyone saw the small smile at the corner of his lips.

Both initiates took their positions and at notice of Four they started fighting.

/

"Any idea what happened?" Eric asked Four in a low voice, as Keena ducked away from another attack of Jasper's arms.

For the past ten minutes or so, Eric, Four and the rest of the class had been watching the toughest fight they had seen from the initiates so far. A never-ending stream of taunts and witty comebacks were being hissed and shouted back and forth the entire time.

Four eyed him curiously for a second before returning his focus on the fight.

"You were never interested in personal problems of initiates before."

"Only if they lead to highly amusing scenes like these?" Eric stated bored.

"Same old, same old. Jasper keeps provoking her and bringing her family into the conversations." Came Four's curt reply.

Eric nodded.

"During lunch, there was another fight in which she told him to take care of his eyeballs, because they were the only balls he had. Half the dining room overheard." Four added eventually a small grin on his lips. "She has a sharp little tongue."

It was in that exact moment, when both trainers grinned, that Keena managed to get her first hit at Jasper. He stumbled slightly, and she took the advantage of kicking his knee.

What she didn't depend on was him falling forward right on top of her. She hit her head hard on the ground and Eric thought to spot some blood as well.

At this point, Jasper had free reign. He towered over her, his body on top of hers, pinning her effectively to the ground were a small pool of blood was starting to form. Her hands were up above her head in one hand while his right bashed her face over and over again.

It was amazing how the girl was still conscious as blood was flowing everywhere.

The strange thing was that she started laughing. Out loud.

It was the most eerie thing Eric had ever seen or heard and looking at the faces of the initiates he wasn't the only one.

Jasper also wavered because of it, which was when Keena's left hand managed to escape Jasper's grip and she blindly put it up in the air, poking his eye out more on accident than anything else. He screamed in pain and Keena took advantage of this by grabbing his throat with her hands.

They were tiny, but Eric saw the amount of pressure she managed to put onto that one spot to make him gasp for air, nails digging into his skin for grip.

Jasper hurried off her small frame, trying to get away from it and she kicked his shin with all her might as he did, flooring him again.

She jumped on top of him, her face dripping with blood. Now she had stood up you could see the small pool of blood left by the gap in the back of her head more clearly. The back of her head was also a creepy sight of her grey hair and dark red blood blended together.

As Keena started hitting his face, aiming for the weak spots she could break as nose and jaw, Jasper suddenly pulled out a knife from his pocket.

The rest of what happened, happened in a blur.

Keena was off him in the blink of an eye. Her eyes wide and her chest heaving. Eric could only imagine how glad she must be in that very moment to have the sharp reflexes she had.

Suddenly, Eric found his feet to be moving, but before he or Four could reach Jasper, the boy had thrown the knife towards Keena and if the training was anything to go by – which it was – it would hit his intended mark.

It only took less than a second but for Eric is felt like ages form him to lift his head and look at the damage done.

His breath was ragged and his throat dry: He was anxious.

But instead of finding her injured, he found her with the knife in her hand, the point a mere inch away from her head. The sharp sides of the knife cut deep into her skin, extracting a stream of blood that was already dripping to the floor.

She had caught it.

 _She had caught it._

For a moment, everyone was too shocked to process anything of what just had happened.

Regaining his wits, he shouted to the rest of the initiates that they were dismissed, ordering them to leave, with exception of Jasper and Keena of course.

When everyone had left, including a very reluctant and wavering Lara and Mira, Eric ordered for Four to bring Jasper to Max, saying he would follow shortly after bringing Keena to the infirmary.

Four looked pained over at Keena, who was still standing in the exact same meanor as Eric's eyes had found her right after catching the knife.

"Maybe it's better if I go with Keena." Four tried. "She looks like she, well, needs _someone."_ It was clear from the tone of his voice that he actually meant 'someone not you', 'someone kind' or 'someone who hasn't been bullying and terrorizing her for weeks and months even'.

"I _am someone."_ Eric stated, brooking no argument.

The last thing he wanted was for Four to take advantage from the situation. Eric knew that in Four's twisted mind he would find some sort of happiness from Keena's weakened state, deluding himself into thinking her the meek and weak girl he so craved she was.

Well, she wasn't and Four should just get over it.

Sighing, Four left the room. Roughly pushing a frightened and annoyed Jasper in front of him. The boy knew he had it coming.

As the doors fell closed behind them, Eric walked over to Keena, who ever stood in the same position with the knife in front of her.

It was more than a little obvious she was in shock, and although Eric would have found such a state of weak display annoying on anyone else, he couldn't find fault in it with her.

Her eyes were glazed over, making it impossible to read anything out of it and so he let his eyes scan over her injuries. Nothing to serious, he was glad to note. A split lip brow and cheek, of which only the brow would need stitches. Her jaw looked painfully bruised but not broken and her nose had stopped bleeding some minutes ago. The worst injury was probably the gap on the back of her head.

Gently taking her hand in his, he pried the knife from her fingers by opening them with his own. God, her hands were so tiny as well.

It never seized to amaze him how she could be so small and so dangerous at once. She was a fierce one, that was for sure, she didn't need his protection or that from anyone else but something about her made him want to protect her anyway.

That's why he had been avoiding her.

He shouldn't have cared when she gasped out of fear when they were kissing all those weeks back. Sure, he would have stopped with anyone, but he shouldn't have cared he was the one that made her feel that way. It had hunted him more nights than he could count.

He cared.  
He actually cared.

Meaning there were, however little, feelings involved and that was something he couldn't let happen.

Feelings clouded the rational mind. His parents had drilled that into him from infancy on. Pain, fear, love, hate, hope. They all diverted attention from what needed to be done. They only distracted you from doing what was necessary.

The only emotion that would help you accomplish something was annoyance as it drove you to work harder to get yourself out of a situation you didn't like faster than you otherwise would.

Other than that, you should stay indifferent.

Eric folded her hand gently closed again as he slipped the knife in his pocket. Not feeling much for letting go of her, he took both hands between his own as he looked into her eyes. With her eyes so far gone, it almost felt like he was alone, meaning he didn't have to slip on his mask of indifference and annoyance that he wore so well.

"You need to go to the infirmary." He stated.His voice was commanding but his thumb lazily rubbed comforting circles over the palm of her hand as he held it.

No reply.

"C'mon, let's get your wounds checked out."

As again silence followed, he pulled her slightly towards the door, but it was clear she was not about to walk.

"Keena, we really – "

Her eyes came back to life, albeit weakly. It was clear that something amused her, and she was about to say something when she stumbled forward a little bit.

Looked like the blood-loss or the bump in her head finally caught up with her.

Eric let go of her hands and swiftly took her into his arms. Walking to the infirmary he felt her head bob against the area between his chest and shoulder to rest on it before jerking up again. She was clearly trying very hard to stay awake.

"I would've won." She mumbled as she drifted of into unconciousness.

"You would've." He affirmed. A small smile gracing his lips.


	14. Chapter 14: The Slap & The Snow

**EPOV**

After Eric had brought the very much unconscious Keena to the infirmary, he had immediately left to deal with Jasper and after what seemed like ages of discussion, Max, Four and himself decided Jasper was to stay at Dauntless but would lose half of his score, meaning he would move down the scoreboard from his 4th spot to the 31th.

Well actually, only Max had decided this.

Four had violently disagreed, arguing it was not enough punishment as Jasper would easily climb up again and thus, would not have learned a thing from his grave error. Against all odds, Eric had for once agreed with Four – yes, Eric had been shocked about that too - but knew there would be no arguing with Max, so he kept silent about it. Agreeing or not, there was not way he was about to have such an unprofessional display Four had had by storming off when he hadn't gotten his way.

Nevertheless, he was about to make Jasper's initiation a living hell.

In Max's eyes, no one had seriously gotten hurt, so there was no reason for 'the highest' punishment – which would be becoming factionless or dropping all the way down on the scoreboard.

Eric had tremendous respect for Max in many, _many_ ways, but it was in moments like this he felt that Max was inadequate for his job. As soon as things got difficult, Max would choose the easy and soft way out, trying to avoid all scandal. It was a man of popularity, not hard calls, but it was especially in a position as a leader that hard decisions were bound come your way from time to time and had to be made. Popularity notwithstanding.

Despite that the damage had been more or less controlled because of the crazy luck Keena had had by catching the knife, in Eric's eyes, Jasper was no longer of use for Dauntless. True, Jasper was physically a real dauntless down to the core: strong, well-build, swift and good with knifes and guns and if it would come down to a shallow body inspection, Jasper would be an official Dauntless already.

But the thing was, Dauntless was an army.

Not a beauty pageant.

Soldiers had to know the rules, follow orders and know their place in line, whether or not they liked it. If Jasper found himself superior to the law during his initiation already, imagine what the boy would do when he held a grasp on power in his later job.

The guy simply wasn't trustworthy.

And Eric didn't even want to start to think about how cowardice an act it had been.

Belligerently Eric pushed open the doors to the infirmary.

"Oh, hi Eric! So good to see you again!" A high-pitched woman's voice shrilled from behind the reception desk. Eric knew who it was, so didn't even bother looking up or respond as he made his way passed her desk and continued for the room he had carried Keena into about 3 hours earlier that day.

If he was totally honest with himself, he had wanted to come back right after he finished his conversation with Four and Max, but Four had won him to it by storming off early and as Eric didn't particular feel much for spending his day with Four longer than was absolutely necessary, he decided to wait until after visiting hours to check on Keena.

Plus, this way, no one would even have to know he had come to check on her either.

"Eric? Eric?" The sound of high stiletto heels echoed through the empty hallway from behind him.

Groaning in frustration he turned around and looked at the greatest drunk mistake he'd ever made. Hayley. He had been glad that she hadn't been around earlier, when he first brought Keena in. He didn't think he could've reigned in his frustration at her back then.

His emotions had been out of control and dealing with the ever-annoying Hayley would not have ended well.

The girl never left him alone. One quick hookup was literally all they had shared and that in the public bathroom of some club – Eric couldn't even remember which one it was. Ever since, however, she had clasped herself to him with every opportunity she was given. It had been over two years, and Eric had long since given up the hope that she would take a hint.

Eric was torn about whether he should get her a reward for persistence or a restraining order.

 _Probably both._

"Hayley." Eric nodded.

"Haven't seen you around in a while. How are you? Something I can help you with?" She batted her eyelashes and looked down at his crotch suggestively as she stumbled in front of him, almost tripping over her own feet in her hurry.

"No, I am just checking on some initiate that got injured today." Eric explained impatiently, trying to sidestep her.

It didn't work. She ran in front of him again, eyeing him suspiciously.

"You've never checked on an injured initiate before." She contemplated this for a second before a smile grew on her lips. "It's after visiting hours too. If you wanted to see me, you could've j…"

"I did not. It happened under my supervision and I don't need Max to slap me on my fingers about it. So, I need to make sure nothing serious happened. _Now."_ He had put on his authoritative voice, sounding superior and menancing in every way.

Hayley looked slightly frightened and hurt before getting herself together.

"If this is about that little grey headed chit coming in, she left already." She spat with venom in her voice, directed at Keena.

 _Typical._

The girl he liked least of all Dauntless women he had met would _of course_ hate the girl he liked mo- _wait what_?

"She left?" Eric repeated, letting the words sink in.

Images of Keena's bleeding skull shot through Eric's mind. How could she have left already. Concussions were not something that could be healed with healing serums and for a broken scull it would at least take 12 hours to heal.

In general, the more there was broken, the longer it took, but patients would experience the whole healing process in a matter of hours, causing to experience all the pain of the process combined within those few hours. Injuries and fractures of the skull or spine where by far the most painful to heal and thus most – if not all – patients would be held under an induced coma to make it as painless as possible.

"Didn't she have a broken skull?" Eric successfully kept his voice devoid of emotions. It wouldn't do any good to show Hayley that he had any feelings or thoughts about this, no matter how small.

"Yes!" Hayley shouted as she wildly threw her arms in the air. "Against all my medical advice, I can tell you. Can you believe it? I had just dosed her with the healing serum, but she awoke just as I wanted to inject her with thiopental for the induced coma. She immediately started trashing around and fighting me. I tried to hold her down and tell her it was for her own good but the _bitch_ just _hit_ me in the face and ran away." Her face showed only loath as she held her cheek in memory.

"So, don't worry. Max will not choose her side over yours when it comes down to it. No need to check on her." She ended with a smile. "You can do something much, _much_ more _fun_ with your time. You know, just like old times." She smiled coyly as her hand went to cup his cheek.

Eric was repulsed and quickly grabbed her moving hand with his own before it could reach his face.

"Thank you, Hayley. That will be all." He roughly pushed her hand away from him, swinging it back to where it belonged – next to her body. He turned and left the infirmary, but not before hearing her shout after him.

"We should catch up! I'll find you at dinner later!"

Eric groaned in reply. He was definitely going to eat dinner at home tonight.

...

Walking the hallways of Dauntless aimlessly, he bumped into Lara, Mira and Four. After finding out Keena had left the infirmary he figured she had fled to her bed in the shared dorms. Not really able to come up with a reason to go in there, he was left with his thoughts to himself. He didn't know why he'd wanted to make sure she was doing okay.

Nor did he want to ponder on it.

His rough way of training the initiates had never left him feeling guilty or worried. In fact, it made him proud. People had to know what they were signing up for before they joined. Four might want to befriend everyone, but Eric looked down on that. If you were training warriors you needed to train them like such. Idly things like feelings should not be considered in that training. If you wanted to make sure that the warriors accepted into Dauntless were to be counted on at all times, you had to train them the hard times too. Everyone could be brave during safe times, it was the braveness facing storms that mattered. So, you would be able to count on your men no matter how hard or life-threatening things got. If someone already wasn't able to do so during training, that someone would definitely not be able to do so in real life and if that was the case, that person was useless to Dauntless.

Eric stood by that thought. He always had and always would be. It didn't matter that Four wanted to play the good guy and left him to be the bad guy. Of course, it made Four a bad trainer, but Eric wouldn't change regardless of what Four did with his life. No, Eric would continue being mean and threatening and putting the initiates in dangerous, if not life-threatening, situations.

After all, injuries were part of being a Dauntless. Best was to deal with that as soon as possible.

So why in hell did he want to know how Keena was doing so badly?

"How's that Amity chit doing?" He asked Mira and Lara in an as bored and uninterested voice as he could muster.

Mira gaped at him openly. Did she see through his mas of indifference and realize how worried he was?

"You've got some nerve asking her that." Four said darkly. "If you want to know so badly, go ask her yourself."

"Believe me, I'm not by far interested enough to go into the initiates dorms for something as idle as the Amity." Eric told him.

"Why'd she be there?" Lara asked confused at the same time Four started to speak.

"She broke her skull, Eric. She's probably been brought into an induced coma by now. Do you really care that little about initiates to even recognize a bleeding skull when you see one?"

Four meant the words to cut, but they didn't. All Eric could think about was Lara's confused answer, meaning Keena had not headed back to the dorms and was now somewhere in the building experiencing her pain. His urge to go and find her left no room of the question why he even cared. Realizing Four, Mira and Lara were waiting for a reply he shrugged casually.

"She'll survive." And with that he left, leaving behind three perplexed people.

...

Half an hours later he had looked in every possible corner of the compound, but he hadn't found a single sign of Keena. He was about to give up – thinking Lara had maybe made a mistake – when he saw the stairs that led to the roof.

Walking up the steps his stomach filled with both hope and anxiousness. He hoped to find her but he was anxious to find her up there. It was mid-December and it had been snowing for days now. Sleet, but still.

He opened the door to the roof and immediately saw her propped into a corner at the edge of the roof, leaning into the angle of two very low walls. Her head rested in her folded arms as she seemingly looked out over the city. Not many people ventured this part of town, leaving the streets silent and the snow untouched.

Slowly walking closer, Eric noticed her eyes were cast upon the sky instead, her eyes dancing along with the snowflakes, trying to follow them one by one as they fell from the sky. Her plumb, now slightly blue lips formed a small yet pained smile on her face. Little snowflakes stuck to her wavy hair, making it appear to glow and glitter. The golden-red light of the setting sun in the background only intensified the effect as well.

Eric felt like his heart stopped for a moment and he couldn't stop himself from staring at her until her weak cough brought him back to the present.

"What the actual fuck do you think you're doing up here?" He said, his voice was firm, but it held no anger.

She jolted from the sudden voice, it was clear she did not hear him come up. Slowly, she moved her head up from her arms to turn and look him in the eye. Eric noticed it took a whole lot of effort for her to do so.

He also noticed her drenched clothes. It made him mad.

"I was feeling hot." She unsuccessfully tried to sound unaffected by the pain she was experiencing.

"So, you figured you'd rather freeze to dead." This time there was noticeable anger in his voice.

Eric didn't understand why he sounded so mad. Why he _was_ so mad.

Well, eying her pale face, blue lips and shivering body he knew her stupidity drove him to insanity. Why the fuck would she do that? But more importantly, why the fuck did he care so much?

Or at all.

Maybe the fact that he wasn't able to answer the latter question was what really made him angry.

Keena's hand came up, holding it in front of her in surrender. It was blue and trembling.

"Please, Eric." She pleaded, a word he had not yet heard come from her lips with such a submission. For the first time she looked vulnerable. "Any other time, I'd love to spar with you. But not today. Not now." Her voice weak and defenseless. Her trembling hand came down again as she continued staring at him, waiting for an answer.

Eric's mind was working over-hours, trying to formulate a sentence, but nothing came to mind. Not when her green huge-ass eyes seemed to stare into his fucking soul.

When she realized no reply was coming she turned her head back in her arms and faced the other way.

"Please, go. Just give me a few more hours to recover, I'll be fine in the morning ready to fight again." A weak smile formed on her lips.

Eric continued staring at her for another moment and contemplated to leave. It was obvious that she was one to lick her wounds in private, not wanting anyone to see her in a state of hurt and vulnerable.

Very much like Eric himself would.

He wanted to respect that but instead he walked up to her and knelt down in front of her small curled up frame.

"You're having a fever." He stated as his big hand covered her forehead softly. He wiped a lock of hair out of her face and behind her ear before he broke contact. She looked up at him, her big eyes wide in surprise of his ministrations.

He knew his face to be a firm mask of indifference though, there was no emotion she could read from his face right now.

"You can't stay here. The cold is only making it worse." Eric continued and without further ado he swept her up in his arms and started heading towards the door, carrying her bridal style.

...

 **KPOV**

Keena felt very, very, very overwhelmed.

Maybe it was because the ever-menacing Dauntless leader was currently being some form of caring or because he'd picked her up like she weighed less than a feather.  
Maybe it was because she had no recollection of ever being carried in her life before today or because his hands were on her and were making her skin burn even through her clothes.  
Maybe it was because he smelled really good or because she liked hearing the sound of his heartbeat as her head rested against his chest.  
Maybe it was because she realized she liked to feel his breath tickled her forehead as he breathed or because it was the first time in her life that she didn't mind showing her weakness right now because deep down she knew she could trust him.

Maybe it was because all of the above.

Instead, however, she blamed in on the fact that she'd been in the cold for hours and finally felt something warm against her skin.

"Don't take me to the infirmary." She was shocked how weak her own voice sounded.

"Why not?" Eric asked curtly.

She couldn't reply. It would reveal to much, not only to him but to herself as well.

Her subconcious knew she shouldn't reply. _Couldn't_ reply.

"Alright." He replied after a moment, not looking down at her.

Keena noticed his clenched jaw, meaning he had one of his masks firmly in place on his face, not willing to show his real emotions. His heartbeat was rapid as well.

He was probably still mad.

She recognized the hallway they were in right now. Her eyes went wide again.

"Not the dorms either." The tone of her voice was just as weak but this time it held a tone of disbelieve and accusation. Jasper could be there and right now she was in no state to fight him. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she'd be okay again.

"What the fuck _do_ you want? What is your plan for staying the night, hm?" he asked annoyed, still not looking at her.

"I didn't figure that out yet!" She managed with as much power her body allowed her. "I was fine on the roof for now but then you came…" She trailed off.

 _"_ _And saved_ your life." He replied dryly, ever-refusing to look at her. "You're _welcome_ by the way."

Keena was quiet for a moment after that. Until she realized with dread that they were getting closer and closer to the dorms and panic started hitting in. The other initiates couldn't see her like this! She was already the smallest one in the group, that was already one weakness too many they knew of her.

"Please, please. Put me down." She ordered but he didn't listen. Nor did he reply or look at her.

"I'm begging you." He still ignored her, except for the snort that escaped his lips.

Was he _laughing_ at her?

She began to angrily trash in his arms, trying to get out of his grip but it was useless. She was like a small weak mouse at the mercy of the big strong cat. She realized this. Stopped for a second before starting her second worthless and pathetic try of escape.

The only thing she managed to accomplish was exhausting herself even more.

With a painful moan she stopped fighting him and closed her eyes in frustration.

Slowly, the sound of his heartbeat started to calm her down. The soft sway of his arms with every step worked comforting, as did his smell. Without wanting to, she enjoyed this moment of him carrying her and wished it could last forever.

No matter how much she hated to admit it to her strong independent woman side, the way he was holding her possessively against his chest made her feel safer than she ever felt on her own.

For the first time in her life she felt protected and safe. It almost caused her to drift off to sleep.

Almost.

It was as if she didn't realize until now how tired she'd been. How tired her body was from the fight and the serums and how tired her mind was from the constant pain.

Unconsciously, she knotted her fists into his shirt to pull the feeling of safety closer and rubt her cheek against his chest.

Without her knowing to, Eric finally looked at her. Half-a-second was all the time he spared her, before sighing and shaking his head in disbelieve before abruptly turning around.


	15. Chapter 15: Thoughts & Smoke

**KPOV**

Eric gently lowered her to the couch, but she still winced at the sudden movement.

Her head was spinning.

Closing her eyes in hopes to make it go away, she felt Eric stuff some pillows underneath her head before prying her fisted hands from his shirt. Keena forced herself to open her eyes and found Eric's stoic face hovering above her.

He truly was a handsome man. A sharp and well-defined jawline, a warm beige skin color and thick dark eyebrows that made his already ice blue eyes seem to pop even more. He looked every bit as characteristic in his face as he was: Strong, masculine, dominant. But his eyes also betrayed the part she hadn't noticed until this exact very moment: Caring.

Of course, she should've noticed. After all, he detected even the tiniest mistakes of the initiates during training and if she hadn't been so annoyed by his nitpicking ways, she could've seen it for what it was: Consideration. He was the type of man that payed attention to every small detail around him, almost obsessively so. _Why?_ Because he _cared._

That didn't necessarily mean he cared about everything and everyone. Hell, Keena was convinced he couldn't care less about his initiates. But he _did_ care about the faction, about Dauntless. Meaning, he cared about the soldiers that eventually were permitted into it. He only wanted the best and in his attempt to achieve so, he trained them all to his best ability. However ruthless it may be.

It was a tough love in which the initiates got all the tough and the faction all the love.

 _"_ _You're staring."_ Eric stated without looking at her.

"I am." She confirmed while she kept staring at him, refusing to be ashamed that she got caught.

"Why?" He ordered, his eyes still focused on the task at hand, continuing his ministrations with the pillows.

She merely smiled up at him. The kind of smile that told him she was in on a small and fun kind of secret of her own.

"Why?" He ordered again, this time with more power behind it.

"Geez, let a girl have her secrets, Eric." She chastised jokingly.

"You have enough of those, little Amity." He sighed before turning around and walking away.

Keena tried not to dwell on the fact that she missed his presence immediately nor on the fact that 'little Amity' sounded more like a therm of endearment than an actual insult.

"What is that supposed to mean?!" She huffed frustrated, more from the loss of him than anything else.

"You are not daft! You know exactly what I mean! You need to stop hiding behind that smokescreen of indifference and fake happiness of yours! You are obscuring every bit of truth in your life!"

For a second, Keena had no reply. She was completely dumbfounded as she contemplated his outburst. He was right of course, but he was also the first person that ever caught her in it or point it out. It made her both impressed and scared.

And thus, she did what she always did when scared: turn the tables around and start an attack of her own.

"Ha! That's rich coming from _you."_ She spat while jumping up from the couch, her head painfully throbbed in response, but she didn't let it affect her rant she was about to unleash. "When you're done wearing insults as a suit of armor because you're too afraid to let anyone close to you, let me know. In the meantime, while you're still being a _goddamn hypocrite I_ have no time nor the resolve to stand and listen to all of your _bullshit."_

Eric walked up to her, his body almost touching hers as he towered over her while his eyes bulged from the uncontainable anger in them. If looks could kill, _well damn_ , this would be it. His hands came up and for a second Keena thought that he was going to hit her.

Instead, he took hold of her shoulders and pushed her roughly back onto the couch.

"Maybe you're daft after all. Sit you're damn ass on that couch and don't let me catch you getting it off of it again, unless I tell you to. You broke your fucking skull and knowing how it came about it is a miracle you can still sit here and yell at me. So, don't make it worse by not giving it it's time to heal properly when you've been this lucky. Understood?!"

The long speech brooked no argument. Reluctantly Keena had to agree and let herself fall back into the pillows. But not without making a spectacle out of it by releasing a exaggerated sigh to express her great reluctance.

Eric rolled his eyes at her antics, but Keena didn't miss the fact that the corner of his mouth slightly twitched as well.

The thing was, however, that she _knew_ he was right. She _had_ been lucky with her injuries. What she didn't understand was _why_ he cared. He had told her many an occasion that she was a worthless piece of shit.

Maybe not in those exact words. But _close._

So why did he care now? Her brain being damaged would guarantee her becoming factionless, which he proclaimed to want for weeks now, months even. If he thought her so worthless to be a Dauntless, why not throw a feast at the prospect of possible brain damage instead?

He must not find her so worthless a warrior as he had been telling her, because the idea that the ever-sneering Eric was doing something for her solely out of the kindness of his heart was hilarious to say the least and it made her stifle a laugh.

His eyes shot to her grinning mouth and then her eyes.

 _Gulp._ They seemed to bore down to her very core and his eyes shot from curious, to annoyed, back to curious to amused.

Neither could look away as their eyes were locked with each other's.

Just like all those weeks back, when they had kissed, the air grew thick. Or at least Keena had some difficulty breathing as her mind was willing her body to look away.

Not that her body was listening.

It was frozen on the spot.

Suddenly, Eric backed up a few steps, creating some distance and averting his eyes. Keena let out a ragged breath she didn't know she had been holding.

"Why did you leave the infirmary?" His voice ordered, but the emotionlessness in it, told her just as much as his stoic face – nothing.

She concluded that she preferred him angry. At least than she knew what to expect.

"I just…" Her voice broke off.

She knew she had been a coward by running away from a mere shot but waking up at the infirmary with this nurse putting god-knows-what in her system, had caused certain memories flowing back to her.

Memories she refused to remember.

And thus she kept silent as she looked at Eric apologetically.

After a minute of waiting for her to continue, Eric sighed and walked away, disappearing into a room only to emerge with a stack of clothes and a First aid kit a minute later. Taking out some medicine, he ordered her to swallow some strong painkillers before pointing at a different door than the one he had just emerged from.

"You need to change into something warm and dry. You can take a shower or bath if you like. There's the bathroom, towels are in the cabin." He said curtly, handing her the stack of clothes.

Her head hurt with every step she took as she stumbled into the bathroom. She immediately fell back against the door as soon as she had closed it behind her, resting her head in the palms of her hands for support.

For the first time in her life she actually felt like a defenseless whining baby: needy and weak. She was disgusted by the fact that the pain seemed to overwhelm her so but to her credit she hadn't cried.

She refused to increase her own pathetic display of weakness in such a way.

During and right after the fight, adrenaline had taken care of the pain for her. Afterwards had the sting of the cold diverted attention from it as well as numb her senses.

Here at Eric's however, the pain had significantly increased.

Forcing herself to stand up again she took a look of herself in the mirror. The cuts in her eyebrow, cheek and lip had stopped bleeding but needed to get cleaned, her eyes were swollen and starting to go black while her jaw already was.

She looked awful, yet she wore her scars with pride. In fact, she felt ennobled by them now her outside finally matched her inside. Until now, her scars had been mostly mentally. Her life had not been without battle but no one on the outside would ever know as her scars lay deep inside her own mind, not for anyone to see.

Now she would wear the scars on her skin, like her best attire. A stunning dress made of hellfire. Now she could show the world that she had been through a war and that she came out the victor: she had been stronger than whatever had tried to hurt her.

She would be an unmistakably Dauntless from now on. No longer would she be mistaken for as a weak little Amity girl without life experience, without actually having to share those experiences.

Now, all they had to do was read there skin for them to know that this was her world.

Dauntless was where she belonged.

Not that these particular scars would stay on her body forever, but it mattered not. She would develop new ones in the next fight and the fight thereafter and so forth.

Taking a washcloth, she wiped the blood away, almost regretting the loss of intensity.

…

Twenty minutes later Keena emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered - for the first time since initiation with _hot_ water - and wearing one of Eric's sweaters that smelled like a combination of soap and something totally Eric.

It was a divine smell and she hugged the sweater closer to her body.

Well, sweater… If you could call it that on her. In her full height, the top of Keena's head came somewhere between Eric's shoulders and his chin – yes, she knew she was small, but he was also ridiculously tall - making the sweater more of a dress for her. The sweatpants had been way too long and wide as well, so she decided to leave them off as she had tripped over them two times within the 5 steps she had set with them on.

"Why aren't you wearing pants?" Eric's pissed off voice bellowed from the open-kitchen.

"Call me old-fashioned, but if you want me to drown I prefer water."

Keena's let her eyes drift lazily over his apartment, taking in every bit of the space for the first time, before her eyes landed on the kitchen where Eric was currently putting some tray in the oven with a dubious looking container on it.

A small gasp escaped her lips as she took in the beautiful specious kitchen. Back in Amity she had volunteered working in the community-hall kitchen ever since she was eleven years old. Her mother had stopped sending money to live from, leaving volunteering in the kitchen as the only option to feed her siblings properly, as she got free meals in exchange for her hard work.

Although cooking had been initially started out of necessity, it had quickly turned into some kind of therapeutic passion. Also, because the siblings would be looked after by other Amities, meaning she could focus 100% on the cooking, so in a way it was the only time she could truly relax.

In all honesty, she hadn't realized how much she'd missed it until looking at the dream kitchen in front of her.

Keena walked into the kitchen quietly, her fingers softly gliding over the shimmering black worktop of the cooking island as she admired every detail there was to be found in the kitchen.

"I take it you like to cook then?" a lazy – barely undetectable – smile at the corner of his mouth.

Eric's hushed tone brought her back to her senses and she turned around, finding Eric just inches apart from her.

"I might." She sighed dreamily.

Eric eyed her with his usual stoic mask, slowly drifting his eyes over her body, his eyes lingering on her bare legs for a moment. Shaking his head, he side-stepped her and made his way to the to make some coffee while gesturing for Keena to sit down at one of the barstools on the other end of the cooking island.

Stubborn as she was, she decided to have a look around his apartment instead, ignoring the increasing pain in her head. She was not about to look like a weakling in front of Eric.

He'd eat her alive.

And _not_ in the _good_ kind of way of that sentence.

"You don't always have to talk in riddles you know." His back was towards her. "Yes or no would do just fine."

Taking two mugs from the rack on the wall, he poured some coffee in them and turned around to find her standing at the other side of the living room, admiring the pieces of art on the wall.

As Eric handed her one of the mugs, Keena took it gratefully and smiled a small smile at him.

Taking a sip, she licked her lips and didn't fail to notice Eric's pupils dilating at the sight. It made her nervous in a tingling kind of way.

"Have to? No. But I prefer to." She answered him at last.

They stood in silent for a bit, watching the paintings on the wall until Eric turned towards her.

"Why?"

She searched his eyes for a long moment, only when she found no malice in them she decided to answer.

"Because some things are better kept secret. I'm sure you understand."

Eric looked at her for a long moment and Keena suddenly felt stripped down and vulnerable under his gaze. His ice blue eyes seemed to bore into her very soul, cutting through her walls of any and every defense she had left.

And he did so with ease.

Keena had noticed him watch her and study her these past months. She had kept silent about it most of the time, but that didn't mean she had been blind. She had seen his progress and how he had started to anticipate her every move, sometimes even correctly so. She had tried to mix it up to throw him off, but in the end, she was still human; patterns of behavior were bound to form.

His attentions towards her scared her but more importantly, they confused her.  
 _What purpose could he have?  
What was his end game?_

He didn't seem like the type that merely did things for the kicks of it. In fact, Eric was a _very_ calculated man. All he did served himself or a higher purpose in one way or another. Annoying Four notwithstanding, that is. That was merely for the sake of Eric's amusement, she supposed.

Even him terrorizing the initiates was a form of tough love. If they were to make it into Dauntless, they had to know their place in line to stay alive. A loyal army was key to the safety of the city. Many lives depended on who was to be admitted.

At least Keena understood that much now. But why he was so fixated on her still remained a mystery.

Furthermore, her reaction to him also confused her to no ends.  
 _Why had she felt safe for the first time in months, if not years, in his arms of all places?  
Why did she crave more of that security?_

She had faced shitstorms on her own, she hadn't needed him then, she certainly didn't need him now.

But then why did it feel like she wanted to?

It made no sense.

It must be the blow on her head from earlier.

"I don't understand actually." Eric eventually spoke. "And I'm sure you know that too. You just try to divert attention by playing on someone's pride. But let me tell you something, _Amity._ My _confidence_ is bigger then my _pride._ I am not afraid to say when I don't understand something, so this little tactic of yours isn't working on me."

Keena opened her mouth to reply but he didn't let her.

"Before you say anything. Don't be stupid and try another tactic. Instead, try to actually answer for once in your life."

 _Damn him._

He was once again correct, she had been on the verge of yet another comment that beated around the bush.

"Because knowledge is a powerful weapon." She eventually told him. "I don't like to give my guns and knives away to anyone, even if they are friends. Minds and loyalties change all the time and before you know it, those weapons you gave away as a show of trust are used against you."

"That is true." He nodded. "And it would explain why you keep your privacy. But I still can't understand your secrecy."

Keena looked at him baffled. She had never even considered there to be a difference between her privacy and secrecy, and yet there was, as he so daftly pointed out to her.

In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she knew he was right.

There was a distinct difference.

Her privacy was merely ensured by her choice to remain silent. She liked to keep private matters like beliefs and ideas to herself. It was an act of choosing boundaries and staying comfortably within them but if she would either accidentally or purposefully reveal a part of it, it only gave them insight in who she was.

It was harmless.

Her secrecy was another case. Certain aspects of her life she went out of her way for to keep hidden. Like her divergence but also the more painful moments of her past. These moments contained an element of shame that lacked in mere privacy and thus, she kept them deliberately hidden, not mere private, so it could not bring her this pain and shame that was incorporated in those moments. If her secrets came out, it would give them insight in how she'd become who she was and with that how her mind worked.

It could and would harm her, both emotionally (with her past) as physically (with her divergence).

The difference was quite simple when you thought about it, but the fact remained that she hadn't.

But Eric had.

And she didn't know how she felt about that.

For one she felt challenged. For the first time in her life she felt like there was someone up to her standards of intellect. Teachers at school not included. She also felt slightly reprimanded and attacked, as well as amazed and grateful.

It was all very contradicting and as her head was spinning with all these thoughts the pain shot back in the back of her head as well. Without second thought she grabbed Eric's sleeve as her vision blurred.

"You look pale." Eric stated as he walked her over to the couch. If she hadn't known better, she would've sworn he actually sounded worried.

Settling on the couch, Eric put a little blanket over her bare legs and kneeled in front of her with the First aid kit. Opening it, he brought out a needle and a little bottle with liquid.

"Get that away from me." Keena hissed immediately, rushing off to the other side of the couch as fast as she could.

"It's just morphine against the pain."

"I'm not in pain." She argued.

Eric looked at her utterly unimpressed.

"You're not _that_ good an actor, Amity. I can see you're hurting, even if you try to hide it." He stated in a mixture of bored annoyance. "You need something stronger than the pills I gave you earlier."

Keena remained quiet for a little bit, closing her eyes and willing the pain away. Her eyes shot open when she felt Eric's hand wrap around her arm, looking for the vain on the inside of her elbow.

She pulled her arm free at lightning speed.

"I should've known that the Amity only had _boring_ fears like needles." he sneered, obviously pissed off as he continued his administrations.

Keena scoffed and Eric's eyes shot up to hers. He eyed her curiously for a moment.

"You're not." He concluded eventually. "You're not afraid of the needle but why are you so against it then?" Keena didn't feel like answering that question and neither did she feel Eric meant for her to answer, he was merely speculating with himself.

Eric's eyes narrowed as they looked at her in speculation and as luck would have it, Keena felt the big throbbing pain in the back of her head worsen.

Wincing slightly, Eric grabbed her arm and before she could do anything about it he had put the needle in her vain and shot in the morphine.

.

 **EPOV**

"I should've known that the Amity only had _boring_ fears like needles." Eric taunted. He had thought as much after the story Hayley told him.

At the sound of Keena's scoff he knew he had been wrong, however, as she would only scoff at things totally and ridiculously unbelievable to her.

He locked his eyes with hers and still detected the fear he had seen earlier, but if it wasn't because of the needle, what was she afraid of?

Suddenly she winced, but he also detected a small smile on her lips and Eric's mind shot back to earlier that day, when Jasper had been hitting her face over and over again.

Her eerie laughter had left everyone in the room with goosebumps. It had been too uncanny.

 _Why did she enjoy pain so?_

Eying her hurting face behind her strong bravado at present, he suddenly had enough with all her games. Her choice and opinion be damned, he never was one to consider someone else's feelings anyway.

And thus, he shot the morphine in her with one skillful strike.

She had been looking at him with the most intense stare yet. If he ever thought her eyes to be on fire before, right now they were spitting all the fires from the depths of hell at him in a mixture of anger, hurt, betrayal and terror.

 _Yes,_ terror as well.

She was _terrified._

She seemed to scream, but no sound came out while panic raged in her eyes. It only lasted for seconds, but for those seconds Eric did not know what to do. The Keena he was used to seeing was mentally unbreakable, invincible even. This Keena had looked crushed and a broken of fear and panic.

But before the feeling of guilt could really develop. Her eyes were sharp and focused again.

 _Razor sharp._

And if Eric hadn't been so distracted with the abhorrence in them, he would have been impressed at the lightning speed with which she jumped to the other side of the couch, where he could not reach her.

"How dare you…" Her voice broke and it was obvious that she had less bravado left than she initially had him believe.

"You needed it." Eric drew out bored.

"You had no right!"

He shrugged it off. "I don't care. I am responsible for your health during initiation. If you don't recover fast you're going to go down in rankings. Is that what you want?" Eric bellowed angrily. How dare she say what right he had or didn't have. As if she knew.

"Still, you are…" she started, but Eric interupted.

" _STOP_!" He bellowed at her in his most overbearing voice before continuing in a hiss. "It isn't _my_ fault that you are addicted to pain. That you enjoy it in the worst forms of it! This is Dauntless! We _accept_ pain because it's _part_ of the job, we _don't chase_ it on purpose when unnecessary. I won't let the faction provide for your twisted mind like that!"

He could see Keena was rendered speechless. She stared up at him and slowly the fire escaped from her eyes and she nodded in agreement.

"That's fair." She whispered.

To say Eric was surprised was doing it short. He was flabbergasted.

"Why didn't you want the morphine?" He asked her, his voice soft and low now, some might even claim it to be his gentle voice.

"Oh, well, you know, after Amity starts drugging you with the peace serum against your will for months, you develop a small dislike for drugs." She spat semi sarcastic, semi casual.

Right after the words had spilled out, however, Keena put her hands in front of her mouth in shock. It was clear she hadn't meant to say it. It must have been the morphine weakening her brain-mouth filter.

"Fuck!" She cursed.

Eric, however, couldn't be happier. Well, he could, _obviously,_ as the content of her words was anything but fun, but it still was the first real and complete answer he'd ever gotten out of her.

"Why would Amity do that?" Eric asked, genuinely stupefied.

Keena bit her tongue. It was obvious that now she was aware of the weakened filter, she was not about to let anything else slip.

He both equally loved and hated that tenacity in her.

He thought back at the first day they'd met, about two months ago by now. He had been wanting to break her ever since he first spotted that hidden gleam of intelligent defiance in her eyes. Wondering what lay beyond them.

He had wanted her to lose the fake smiles and happy feelings and show her true feelings, hoping them to be so cowardice that he might have a reason to write her off as factionless right on the spot.

Now, he did not know why he ever had wanted it. He definitely didn't want it now.

She was the first girl whose personality actually intrigued him instead of abhorred him and thus the only girl who he could stand enough to have around for things that did not involve sex or work. Apart from Tori, that is, but he had grown up with her at Erudite and was like a sister-ish friend of some kind.

Still, Keena was the first he felt attracted to and enjoyed the company of. He may have claimed to hate her sly and cunning ways from time to time, and he still was convinced he did, but there was something unpressured in her air that put him at ease.

That ease also put him on guard.

 _How did he equally hate her, like her and want her?  
How had she accomplished to get under his skin so easily? _

Maybe it was because she was so adversarial in every way.  
That he just liked the competition in it. In her.

Where everyone would panic at his bellows, she would stand her ground and challenge him.

Where other girls tried to read into a kiss with the sole purpose of finding themselves 'the special one' he would change his ways for, Keena had seemed keen on running for the hills.

 _Now that... that_ had surprised him. Girls tended to cling to him with every opportunity they got.

Sure, not as initiates. He was used to initiates being afraid of him, obviously, as he worked hard to achieve that little fact. It amused him as much as they annoyed him.

After initiation, however, their fear for him would usually turn into something else. He was the strongest man in Dauntless after all and his dominance in both physical and mental state was something all Dauntless respected and admired.

For most girls their fear would turn into attraction. It didn't mean they were in love with him, because he still was an ass, but if he so much as felt like it, it would most definitely lead to sex. _Hell,_ he had even bedded that Christina-girl he had hung over the Chasm during her initiation. During her initiation she had fiercly hated him as much as she was scared of him. And yet, after initiation when her bravery increased and she realized he couldn't actually kill her without consequences she had let him fuck her on her couch.

Keena had been different. She had never been afraid and she was already afraid. And yet when somewhere during their kiss she had somehow regained her wits and realized what was happening, she had wanted to run from it as fast and as far as her legs could take her. On top of that she had avoided him as much as she was capable to for the weeks that followed.

And it wasn't out of shyness either, nor because she was playing hard-to-get. She hadn't played an coy game just for the sake of attention others would.

In fact, Eric realized, that was the whole point of why he was at ease with her.

Because she was unpresumptuous in every way.

She hided and obscured a lot, but everything she _did_ show was utterly and totally real.

She just _was._

She didn't seek attention but just got it and valued privacy in general, not only her own, making her trustworthy. She was also no little intelligent, but she still refrained from being reprimanding. She was fiercely loyal to her friends and funny in her own dark humor kind of way with loads of sarcasm that was more meant for herself than for anyone else to hear. She also knew how to pick her battles and wouldn't share her opinion with every whim unless she vehemently disagreed and when she did, she wouldn't back down from the fight regardless the person she was starting a fight with – usually Eric.

The latter might even be what he both equally liked _and_ hated most about her: how she was not the least bit afraid of him.

She liked a challenge just as much as he did and that sassy smart mouth of hers equally annoyed him as well as it amused him.

It turned him on even.

But also scared him.

She was like the living paradigm of his dream woman he hadn't realized he had until meeting her. Describing her was like describing a fairytale, and that was talking about her 'inside' _only_. With her looks included… Well, you just couldn't believe it was real.

And indeed, it wasn't.

Everything he knew about her, was of a mere spinning of his own mind. He fantasied about reading her feelings in her eyes, but the bitter fact remained that it was all still the pure speculation of his own imagination.

 _He didn't know her_.

 _No one knew her._

Even the people she claimed to be her friends didn't know anything of her, really. Eric valued privacy as well, but even he wasn't that private. He might not always want it, choose it or like it, but at least he had Alijah who really knew him and some other friends who knew him under more relaxed circumstances than the rest of the world did.

 _What was Keena's safe haven?  
Did she even have one? _

As it appeared Amity hadn't been as kind to her as one would expect the faction of the kind to be. He was angry at himself and her, confused about her in general and utterly frustrated about his own attraction towards her as well as her secrecy.

"Is that your sister?" Keena's soft voice shook him out of his train of thought which had become this mixture of anger, frustration and confusion.

All these boiling feelings completely disappeared when he saw her standing in front of the only picture he had. It was a picture of him as a 12-year-old kid with a little girl next to him, both playing with the white gunny pig in front of them on the table.

It was the only picture he had of his sister.

"Yes."

"Do you miss her?"

"No."

Silence.

"Sometimes." He eventually – albeit reluctantly – admitted. "She died 11 years ago."

She nodded and to Eric's greatest relief and surprise, dropped the subject. For some reason his admission and her willingness to not pressure the subject any further created some sort of understanding between them.

It was highly unlikely it would last long, as both consciously as unconsciously kept pushing each other's buttons. But even if it was just only for a few minutes, it was a nice change to have peace surround them for once and they both seemed unwilling to spoil it at present.

Walking behind Keena back into the kitchen she started talking.

"Back in Amity, I had to volunteer in the kitchen ever since I was eleven or twelve years old." She started, coming back of his earlier question about her liking cooking she had only vaguely answered. "I hadn't realized how much I'd missed it until looking at this dream of a kitchen." She smiled weakly at him.

It was her way of extending the olive branch and Eric intended of making full use of the opportunity.

"I thought only Abnegation had volunteering as obligation." Eric confessed.

She pondered on her answer for a second.

"Amities don't have to." She confirmed, while walking away again. This time heading towards the couch in the living room.

It seemed she found it easier to talk to him with her back towards him. Yet, this time she remained quiet. He was pushing her boundaries and he knew he should stop if he didn't want her to clam up, but he also wanted answers while she was still talking.

The anger, frustration and confusion were slowly working its way back into his mind now the picture of his sister was out of sight.

"So why did you?"

"I didn't have a choice." Her voice sounded weak and Eric was just in time to catch a passing out Keena, just two steps away from the couch. He scolded himself for not even noticing her health, being too engrossed with her answers instead.

It only took second for her to wake up again and he was still holding her as she did.

Her eyes slowely fluttered open.

"Damn. I'm so …" she trailed off as his face hovered above hers. Eric was fairly sure she had spotted the concern on his face.

He had to fix that mistake.

"You're so what, Amity?" He sneered, pretending to be bored.

Instead of the anticipated response however, her lips curled up in a smile. Eric suddenly realized his hand was still around her waist from when he had caught her. Extracting his hand slowly, she gasped from the sudden movement.

Her full lips were incredibly tempting in that moment, slightly open from forming the letter 'o'. It was hard not to be attracted to her, with a face and body like that, but small expressions like _that_ just moment made it next to _impossible._ Especially when she was wearing his sweater like _that_ as well.

Instinctively his head drew in closer as their eyes locked once again. He could see her chest heaving with anticipation and momentarily stopped to give her a way out, when she tilted her head slightly from the pillow to get closer he had his answer.

Hovering about her he knew he didn't have it in him to refuse her peachy plumb lips any longer.

It seemed to take ages before he had closed that last bit of distance between their lips. The anticipation of both was overwhelming and she let out a soft sigh when he finally brushed his lips against her soft ones.

Before their lips could _really_ touch however, the smoke alarm went off, making them both jump apart.


	16. Chapter 16: Midnight to Morning

**EPOV**

For the next forty minutes he was being firstly laughed at and later on instructed by a very amused Keena who had found it utterly hilarious that he had managed to melt a heat resistant food container full of lasagna from two days prior in the oven.

Eric had grunted for her to shut her stupid mouth, which had only made her laugh harder, until tears ran down her face. Granted, she was high on morphine, but to Eric it had been real happiness, albeit a little intensified, and the sound of her laughter had fueled some strange reactions from him.

First off, he hadn't been able to contain his own smiles, even if he had been careful and determent not to show it. He had felt happy and content just hearing her laugh. Secondly, he couldn't imagine why he'd ever wanted to break her anymore now he had heard her uncontrolled laughter. He still wanted to wipe the fake smiles of her face but now he also wanted to replace them with real ones. Moreover, ever since her laughter, she had been stirring some stronger feelings on more southern parts of his body with every little thing she did.

The way her eyes sparkled with joy and amusement, even if it was at his expense, was one of the prettiest things he'd ever seen and the way she kept curling a lock of hair around her index finger only to release it again was kind of endearing. But most of all the way she made a tiny fist of her hand as she yawned against it and how she blinked a few times right after doing so.

Now _that… that_ was just pure agony.

 _She_ was pure agony.

The longer he was in her company, the more he started to notice the little things about her and the more he noticed about her, the more he felt attracted to her and the harder it got to hide.

Uncomfortably walking over to her with two plates of food in his hands, he quickly sat down with his plate on his lap. Hoping that she hadn't noticed the bulge in his pants.

As they ate in relatative silence he was noticing her blatant stares at him.

"You're staring again." He stated, his voice devoid of any form of judgement.

"So I am." She grinned, spooning the last bit of pasta in her mouth.

"Why?"

She smiled while she chewed and swallowed, shrugging her shoulders casually as a sly smile formed on her face.

"He who asks cannot avoid the answers." She said matter-of-factly, still grinning at him.

"Now, we both know that has never been true when it comes to you." He narrowed his eyes, but his words were spoken airy.

"Touché. But I was merely trying to say that you're not allowed to get mad about my answer or hold it against me."

A sugar-sweet smile crept up her face, the one that masqueraded slyness. Eric was not quite sure if he even still wanted an answer but nodded anyway.

"I just realized that behind your tough exterior of a nutshell, you're really just a big bad softy."

Eric scoffed. He did not expect _that._

Neither did he _like_ it.

But no response in the world could wipe that grin of her face. He was fairly sure about that.

"Excuse me? Have you seen me during training?" He huffed indignantly. "I am not a softy." He angrily picked up the plates and mugs and stormed of to the kitchen and put them down in the sink. "And my exterior is tougher than a nutshell too!" he huffed annoyed, flexing his arms as he looked at them.

She followed him laughing.

"Someone is whining."

At the glare she received of Eric she took pity on him.

"Yes. Yes. No worries. You're still the biggest asshole on the planet during training." She grinned, obviously highly amused about this whole situation. "As you're well aware and proud of, I imagine."

Eric was now seriously doubting he wanted to hear more coming out of that drugged up mouth of hers but nodded in consent anyway, filling the sink with water and soap.

"And yet, here you are… Puffing pillows and cooking me diner." She bluntly laughed at her own statement. "You're a very curious person, hard to get to know."

"So, I am." Eric admitted. "But the same goes for you. If nothing else, we have one thing in common, little Amity: That we both never speak about ourselves."

"Indeed, tis true, big Erudite." She agreed coyly.

"We could be anything." Eric grinned. "Maybe you're even a cold-blooded killer."

He saw her swallow before a smile crept on her face. A fake one.

"Me a cold-blooded killer?" Keena grinned. "I'm from Amity."

Something in the way she formulated her answer didn't sit well with Eric. It was the same way how she always avoided giving direct answers and actually not answered at all. The same way when she was hiding something.

He eyed her curiously for a minute. "I killed 3 people in my life." At her curious – but not shocked – expression he explained. "About one year ago during patrol, there were some problems with rebellious factionless. I got called to the scene once the factionless had one of our patrol-officers captured. When I got there, there was a bloody war going on. To save my own man I shot three." He paused for a second as he switched of the tap. "I'd do it again if I had to."

"I wasn't judging you."

"You didn't say it out loud, but that doesn't stop you from thinking."

"Don't tell me what I did or did not think. My mind is the only thing that is truly mine. Don't even try to take that away from me with your presumptuous arrogance."

Eric nodded in response. She had a point. A long silence followed, much to his chagrin. He was quite liking this little conversation they were having and didn't want it to end just because he had been… uhr… Presumptuous and arrogant.

"So, I intrigue you, hm?" he teased eventually, hoping she would take the bait while he started with cleaning the dirty dishes.

She did.

 _"_ _Yes, Eric,_ you _intrigue_ me. But not in a creepy way. I promise." Keena stretched out the last word and went to stand next to him, slightly pushing him to the side and taking over his ministrations.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" he said, taking a step forward so his lips were brushing the shell of her ear. He didn't miss how she shivered slightly.

"You cooked, I wash the dishes. It's only fair."

"Absolutely not." He wrapped his still wet hands around her waist and lifted her away from the sink. "Go get your ass back on that couch, you need to rest." He pointed superiorly.

She rolled her eyes at him but gave no intention to go. "I think I like my ass right where it is."

This little sentence awoke another part of Eric's body. It made him angry that he was so easily turned on by her. He felt like a fourteen-year-old boy all over again, without control over his own body.

"Are you deaf? _Go."_ He bellowed. Why could she never just listen? "Or do you want to faint and hit your head on these tiles?"

"But I don't even feel the pain anymore." She whined in only semi mock.

" _I don't care_. Off you go. _Now."_

"Sir, yes, sir." She saluted before walking away.

With her on a safe distance, he let out a sigh.

 _Geez,_ the things she did with him. He looked down at the bulge in his pants in some pathetic effort to stare it away. Annoyed at his own mind and body, he finished the dishes.

 _He blamed her damn bare legs._

It couldn't have been more than 10 minutes when he walked into the living room, finding her sound asleep on the couch. Her lips around the knuckle of her thumb.

She looked totally different when asleep and after pondering on it for a while he realized exactly what it was. She looked _relaxed_ and _peaceful._ Both emotions he hadn't necessarily noticed the absence from, until he now saw the presence of them.

It started to annoy him how little he knew about her. It always had, but his annoyance about it had significantly grown. The longer it took or the more he thought about it, the more pissed off he became.

Thinking back on their earlier conversation about Amity drugging her, he would have to do some more digging.

Picking her up he carried her to his bedroom and put her in bed, his hands softly brushing over the bare skin of her legs as he pulled the comforter over her.

Shaking his head as he looked at her one last time, he closed the door behind him.

Tomorrow, he would go to Amity.

...

 **KPOV**

Keena woke up with a jolt from her nightmare and immediately winced at her own quick painful movement. Her head wasn't nearly as painful as it had been before, but any quick movement made her head spin. Stupid concussion.

Confused at her surroundings for a second, images of the day before started forming in her mind. Mortified she figured she must've fallen asleep on his couch and thus this was the place he had brought her to.

She reached for the lamp on one of the night-stands and she curiously looked around the dark room. her eyes adjusted to the light she noted that the room was very Dauntless-dark with dark yet warm brown colored walls and all-black furniture. Apart from the double bed she found herself in, the specious yet cozy room sported a big wardrobe, a bookcase, a cabinet and a nightstand on either side of the bed. The wooden floor was a lighter shade of brownish grey, topped off with a maroon rug – the same color as the sheets she found herself under. It was very impersonal, probably a guestroom.

Yet something was off. Pulling the sheets a little closer against the cold she knew exactly what it was. The sheets. They smelled like Eric. This must be Eric's room.

After giving herself a few seconds to let that fact sink in and totally wake up, she decided to venture out in search of some coffee or tea. She knew herself good enough that she wouldn't fall back to sleep anymore, even if it was only 3am.

As her bare feet hit the soft, comfortable rug she blushed at the realization that Eric had taken her socks off the night before. It was a weird thing trying to picture: Eric taking time for little details like that.

 _As if he cared._ She thought sarcasticly.

Opening the door to a small gap, Keena poked her head out to see if there was any sign of Eric. Tiptoeing through the empty hallway that led openly to the living room, she led out a breath of relieve to find that room devoid of him as well. There were two other doors in the hallway, she dared not open in case he was asleep behind one of them.

She knew she had to deal with him sooner or later but after all the things she'd said to him last night and the fact that they had almost kissed again, she definitely preferred it to be the latter.

Quietly she walked into the kitchen and opened some cabins in search for a glass. She found them on a high shelve. Of course, just her luck. Standing on her tiptoes she nearly reached one, but not quite. Jumping a little she accidently shoved the glass even further away on the shelve.

Huffing in frustration she climbed up the countertop and finally grabbed the glass in victory, when she heard a chuckle behind her. Eric was casually leaning against one of the ovens on the other side of the kitchen. Although his face was once again in a familiar sneer, his eyes betrayed that he had clearly enjoyed the spectacle that came with being a short girl.

The sudden sound however, made her stumble and she dropped the glass.

It never hit the ground.

In mere milliseconds, Eric had moved from his place next to the oven to in front of her, steading her with his left hand as his right hand caught the glass effortlessly before it hit the ground to fall into pieces.

Okay. It was official. Eric was a goddamn _alien_.

Or not, but she couldn't help being jealous at his inhuman reflexes.

He placed the mug on the worktop behind her before settling his hands around her waist and lifting her down to the ground, a mere inch from where he was standing.

"Didn't mean to startle you." He said softly, his voice hoarse of sleep.

His voice sounded so raw and intense it was difficult to think coherently. On top of that he was right in front of her again, gently rubbing her upper arms through the fabric of the sweater as his ice blue eyes pierced into her soul.

She diverted her gaze, only noticing now that he was bare chested. And _man_ , not even the tight-fittest shirt on earth could do _that_ justice. His whole torso was sporting well-defined, rock hard abs. His broad shoulders stood wide and strong and his chest only narrowed slightly from his waist down, showing off a perfect V-shape that disappeared into the low sweatpants he was wearing.

He was literally the best shaped man in existence, no doubt about that. All the Greek gods in the world couldn't compare with this. Keena was sure about that. She was also having a hard time breathing. It was a torture to look at something _so, so_ great and not being able to touch it. A small strangled moan escaped her lips.

He made her feel desire in a way she had never felt before.

With her previous experiences with sex, she had merely felt turned on already, _then_ went to some Amity bonfire party, got drunk and did it with whomever seemed to get her attention for the night. Meaning, she had had already felt like sex _and then_ picked one out. That was the way she liked it, so she would be in control.

And yet, here she had been, all dry and clean between her legs, just in need of some glass of water, and then Eric had walked in and screwed it all up. She hadn't even had a choice in it all either, that _royally pain-in-the-ass arrogant sneering malicious bastard_ just _showed up_ _out of nowhere_ and _bam_! Her legs became jelly, her breath got hijacked, and she could almost start between her legs.

Wait what? What was she even thinking?

It was ridiculous. From all the people she could've decided to feel attracted to.

She looked up into his eyes again, expecting to see a knowing grin. Instead, she saw his normally ice blue eyes a dark shade of navy blue – almost black - as he met her eyes with a calculated look, searching for something but she knew not what.

It drove her mad.

Why was he so close and not touching her? Well, not in a way that would bring a form of release to the wetness between her legs and the tight knots that had formed low in her stomach.

She had never felt this way before. Like she needed someone so badly as she did him in this second. She always prided herself on not needing anyone but in this moment, she even wanted to need him.

It didn't make sense.

She loved being in control at all times, out-smarting everyone, whether they knew it or not, and yet at this very moment she would surrender and be completely at Eric's mercy if he would only touch her. _Really_ touch her.

It was a sweet agony, frustrating to a point of desperation yet so wonderful a feeling she couldn't find the strength to walk away. Tentatively, she stretched her arms, touching his chest. Her small hands cold on his warm torso. He hissed and closed his eyes as her hands moved down to his hip, her thumbs falling into the soft skin of the V.

"You're walking a _very_ thin line here, Amity." His ragged voice managed, even more hoarse than before. It almost sounded animalistic. She was regretting not wearing a pants by now, suspecting her panties were not going to be enough to absorb all of her excitement. Damn him, why wouldn't he put her out of his misery.

"And what will happen if I'd chose to _cross_ that line?" She didn't even recognize her own voice.

His eyes snapped to hers, they were an intense dark blue, it reminded her of a roaring ocean, dark and mysterious, wild and untamable. He leaned in as if he was about to kiss her, but suddenly his eyes turned cold and distant.

"I'd fuck you hard without remorse and make you mine for the night." He shook his head.

It didn't escape Keena's notice that he'd added 'for the night' at the end. He was not looking for anything serious, that much was clear. _Good,_ because neither was she, especially not with (a) a leader (b) during her initiation who (c) happend to oversee said initiation. Their personalities clashed way too much for anything serious anyway. She just needed him once, so she could get him out of her system. The tension between them was overwhelming at times and she needed to release all that pent up energy. Let it be anger, frustration, challenge, attraction or something else. She needed her focus back on her initiation _like yesterday_.

Keena took a step forward, pressing herself against the bulge in his pants. Eric tore his gaze away from her and bit his lip hard. An attempt to control himself, she figured.

"Fuck, Keena. You don't know what you're asking for. You wouldn't be able to handle it." He hissed, as frustrated with their lack of contact as Keena herself was.

She cocked an eyebrow in a disbelieving challenge. She was sick of being treated like a poor little Amity child without a care in the world.

"I wouldn't bet on it." She replied firmly.

Eric's eyes snapped back at hers.

"Touch me, Eric." She whimpered. "For the night."

Before she realized what was happening, he was forcing his tongue into her mouth, eliciting a moan from her before she started battling back for dominance. .

 **.**

 **Warning:** **The next part is M-rated with some graphic descriptions so if you don't like that kind of dirty stuff, _don't read it_. For the storyline it doesn't matter if you skip it, so you can totally go to the next chapter from here if details aren't your cup of tea.**

 **Wouldn't want to spoil any unsuspecting innocent blushing minds. ;)**

 **For the rest of you: Hope you'll enjoy.**

 **.**

 **EPOV**

Eric hadn't been able to fall asleep.

He had tried to sleep on the couch for a little while, but it had been impossible, knowing she was just a door away, soundly sleeping in his bed. So, instead he had gone into his study room with the intention on doing some work.

It hadn't panned out form him.

So, he'd decided to read a little instead.

That hadn't work either.

His mind kept replaying images of _her_ in his head.

Images where she was laughing and talking with her friends or where he carried her in his arms as she clung to his shirt. Images of how she lifted her chin in defiance before making a final statement or of her teasing smiles while he tried to follow her instructions on cooking. Images of _so much more_ , especially the fire in her eyes every time she challenged him or gave him some smart-ass reply.

He'd been thinking about her all night now, his cock rock hard and ready to play, yet his hand hadn't been able to satisfy his need. Not even a little bit.

Oh, dear god. What was happening with him?

So, when he heard a door softly open and close and her tiny feet tiptoe through the hallway, his body won it from his mind that kept screaming at him _not_ to go.

And now it was to late.

She was reaching for a glass on the top shelf. With every little jump she made her – _his_ – sweater jumped up as well, showing off a small teasing part of her butt cheeks that were softly bouncing along with her jumps.

She was so fucking gorgeous it hurt sometimes. It was already hard enough to keep his eyes away from her during training, let alone when she was in _his apartment_ , in _his sweater_ showing off legs and glimpses of an ass _like that._

He smiled as she huffed crossly at her own shortness, he couldn't find it anything else than adorable. The huff, _not_ her body. Hell, her body could _never_ be _mere adorable_ to him, it was way too tempting to be just that.

As he watched her climb up the countertop, her perfectly round shaped ass came in full display – apart from the little bit of fabric the maroon lace hipster provided - and he groaned internally as his cock strained in yearning, painfully so.

Stroking it once for some sort of release – not that it helped even in the slightest - he felt like a creep getting off on the poor unknowing girl and wanted to make his presence known. Chuckling out loud at her cute antics she spun around in surprise, dropping the glass but he was quick to catch it.

He wouldn't have cared if it had fell but any reason to get closer to her seemed like a good one at this point.

He placed the glass behind her on the counter, yet another reason to lean into her. He brought his hands to her hips and swiftly lifted her of the countertop.

"Didn't mean to startle you." His voice was husky.

He stepped closer and searched her face for any sort of feelings of fear. Not that he could decipher any sort of feeling from her face, as the only hints of her true feelings only lay that part of her she had no control over: Her eyes.

Speaking of which, her big doe-like sparkling orbs were staring up at him in anticipation through her eyelashes. The usual bright green color now a shade of almost black, while the golden spots in them seemed to even shine and glitter even more now it was dark.

God those eyes never ceased to amaze him.

And for a moment he was frozen on the spot, mesmerized.

Untill… Her hands tentatively touched his chest. Eric bit his tongue and let his head fall back with a small groan escaping from somewhere deep within. Closing his eyes while trying to control himself, he hissed as her cold hands started skimming down to rest on his hips and her thumbs hooked in the lines of his V.

She needed to _stop_ before there was no way back. It took him all he had to not rip off her clothes and take her right there.

"You're walking a very _thin_ line here, Amity." He managed hoarse, but miserably failing to sound stern.

"And what would happen if I'd chose to cross that line?"

Her question was so innocent that Eric's eyes snapped open, pointlessly searching her face. The currently color in her eyes still not making sense to him. Taking the risk in assuming it meant turned on he replied.

"I'd fuck you hard without remorse and make you mine for the night." He said it in hopes to scare her off.

Not that he wanted to scare her off, _hell no_.

What he _wanted_ was for his big rock-hard cock to spill into her tight wet pussy while she screamed his name in sweet agony untill her voice was hoarse and she didn't remember any other words in the world. What he _wanted_ was his bitemarks all over her body and her butt red of his slaps. What he _wanted_ was her begging him to do all kinds of bad things to her and for her to choke on his long shaft burried deep inside her throat.

But she was his initiate and doing the things to her he actually wanted to do to her was certainly not the _smartest_ move.

He halfhearted grumbled something about her not being able to handle it. He kind of wanted her to back out because he shouldn't do what he was about to do to her and _dear lord help him_ but he was like a fourteen year old boy around her, not able to control his body in any kind of way.

She pressed her body flush against his cock.

"I wouldn't bet on it." Her voice sounded firm and she looked at him in unspoken challenge as if to say 'have you even met me'.

 _Boy oh boy._

There was no way back now.

Of course, he should've known that challenging her would only lead to the opposite effect of his intentions. Well, his half-hearted intentions anyway.

"Touch me, Eric." Pause. "For the night."

'Fuck being smart' was the last thing he could coherently think before crushing his lips to hers, clashing teeth as he forced his tongue inside her sweet delicious mouth. Their kiss was desperate and filled with passion and as she moaned, his last bit of restrain disappeared.

He bit down her juicy bottom lip as his hands cupped her ass, kneading it before moving his hands to her hips. Grabbing them with force, he pushed her roughly back against the kitchen wall and pressed his own body up against her, his straining shaft right against her wet core; his sweatpants and her hipster the only things keeping them apart.

She moaned softly.

He left her lips to kiss down her neck, making sure not to touch her throat again. He didn't want to risk her running away again. Biting hard and licking it to ease the sting, he found a spot just below her ear that made her gasp in response.

Her hands that had flung around his neck now started pushing the back of his neck closer to her as her other hand went into his hair, yanking it hard.

So, she liked to play it rough too. _Why was he not surprised?_

His hands grabbed her ass again and gave it a tight squeeze before lifting her up from the ground. She immediately responded by swinging her legs around his waist and started grinding into him, both desperate for the friction of movement between them and when she moaned louder this time, he groaned with her.

In one swift movement he pulled of her sweater over her head, exposing her two impeccably round and perky breasts.

"Fuck." He growled in awe. Her tits were literally perfect, and he immediately took one pink taut nipple in his mouth, sucking it harsh while one of his hands took her other nipple between his fingers and twisted it.

Her head lolled back and she dug her nails into his shoulders as she whimpered.

 _Fuck,_ she was so sexy making these sweet little noises.

Suddenly, he had the unknown urge of more personal contact and Eric claimed her mouth again, brooking no room for argument as he dominated the kiss easily.

Or maybe she let him.

It didn't matter.

Next time she moaned, he was done playing. Ripping her panties of her legs, she tried to protest but he still had his tongue inside her mouth.

He laughed at her struggles to voice her complaint until she bit his tongue. _Hard._

Hissing he withdrew, looking into her fiercely challenging eyes.

That little minx. So hot.

"Those were ne…" But he reclaimed her mouth again before she could finish.

He let the hand that was currently gripping her hip trail down to her pink lips. His one hand continued worshiping her breasts while his other found the bud and started to make circular movements just around her clit, making her ache for more.

"If you're a good girl tonight, I'll buy you new ones, little one." He breathed in her ear while his index finger finally pressed down on her pearl.

He could tell she wanted to protest, but his ministrations prevented her from doing so. She sucked in air, causing her breasts to ache forward and he pulled on one of her pink stiff nipples with his teeth as his hands slid down to her entrance.

She was _soaked._

He chuckled slightly. Let's find out if she liked dirty talk.

"You're dripping wet for me, aren't you?"

"Not for long if you don't wipe that grin of your face." She managed between breaths.

"But you are, aren't you?" He stroked her softly with a teasing touch that had her crave for more.

"Hmm." She whimpered, struggling for more friction he refused to give. He would only circling _around_ her clit, teasing it with every near-touch.

She craved for more.

She started kissing down his neck with soft little butterfly kisses before biting hard at the pulse in her throat. He hissed at the sweet pain, thoroughly aroused by her secretly predatory ways.

"Say it." He ordered, continuing his ministrations of

"Yes." She purred.

"What yes?" He let his thumb circle over her clit now.

"I'm… I'm… ahh. I'm dripping wet for you." Rewarding her slid a finger into her wet core and she gasped in surprise and relief as her breath started to grow heavy. Keena moaned some little moans as he continued his ministrations. By the time he put in a second finger she moaned his name for the first time. Making his cock painfully pulse against his trousers as his name rolled of her sweet little tongue.

"Again." He growled, as he pushed his pants down and skillfully stepped out of them at the same time.

"Eric, Eric." She panted, her legs buckling. It clearly was her way of asking to lay down.

"Stand." He ordered and he was satisfied to hear her turned on moan as his fingers curled, finding her G-spot.

Her legs were shaking, but she still listened and tried to stand as best she could.

 _So, she liked being submissive between the sheets? Couldn't be better._

"Ahhhhh, Eric." She moaned loudly, almost falling over if it wasn't for Eric's head and other hand holding her in place.

"Tell me what you want." He huskily ordered again as his mouth went to suck on one of her nipples again. Curling his fingers and finding her G-spot.

"You." _Moan._ "In." _Gasp._ "Me." Her eyes were firmly locked on his. Regardless of her pleads, her eyes told him he would regret it if he didn't give her what she wanted right away.

But she wasn't in control, and she was about to find out.

"That's my girl." He rewarded her by plunging a third finger into her before withdrawing all of them. His hands gripped her hips so hard they would leave bruises, but instead of pushing his yearning cock into her as she had practically begged for, he fell on his knees and let his mouth covered her cunt.

He wanted a taste first, so a taste he was going to get.

Flicking his tongue against her bud, his hands went up to fondle her breasts. Sucking at her clit she gasped loudly before he stuck his tongue at her entrance, savoring every bit of her sweet flavor.

After half a minute however, Keena had regained her senses and yanked at his hair harsh before pushing him back on the ground. Straddling him before he could get up, she lowered herself in such a position that the tip of his cock pulsed against her entrance.

She was _good._

"That was _not_ what I was asking for." She chastised him challenging.

Eric could not help but laugh. This woman… there were _no_ words.

His smile disappeared quickly however as she lowered herself onto him.

 _So._

 _Very._

 _Painfully._

 _Slow._

"Fuck." Was the only thing Eric could say or think the moment his cock was fully inside of her. "Fuck you're so tight." He growled and massaged her but in his hands.

They held still for a moment, adjusting to this new found bliss as they were both panting hard.

She was tiny in comparison to him, the top of her head nearly – but not quite – reaching his chin, and he hadn't been able to stop himself from imagining what it would be like to have his big hard cock buried deep inside her tight wet cunt.

Well, none of his imaginations of the past two months came even close to reality.

She started to move, very slowly at first.

"Fuck. Keena." He groaned again. She had the tightest pussy he had ever had. As her cunt absorbed every inch of his cock she started rocking her hips. Steady at first, but it became more and more wild as time continued.

Eric did something he had never let anyone do: he let her dominate. For the first time he was content to just lay there on the kitchen floor watching in awe as her tits bounced up, her brows furrowed in sweet agony and listening to her pants becoming more erratic.

Starting by her toes, he let his fingers slowly make its way up. Stopping briefly to smack her ass that was bouncing up and down his shaft. One finger started rubbing her clit and Keena's pants made it clear that she wasn't able to continue the ministrations on her own anymore. Grabbing her ass he supported her movements, lifting her up and down his shaft.

He exhilarated in the smashing sound of their flesh as she came down on him and let out a primal growl as Keena started crying out his name.

Barely able to form even that little word.

He grabbed her jaw with one hand, while his other continued lifting her up and down his cock, forcing her face towards his, she had her eyes closed as she rode him.

"Look at me, Keena." He ordered, yet his voice was soft.

Why he did this, he had no idea. But for some unexplainable reason he craved more than the mere physical contact between them. He wanted her to look at him as she came. He wanted to see all the emotion as she could.

She shook her head, her eyes still pressed closed.

"Keena, look at me." His voice was low and hoarse.

She opened her eyes as he brought his hips up to meet hers. Their noses touching, staring into each other's eyes as Eric started to smash harder into her. Bringing one hand to her clit he started rubbing it slowly, in contrast to his forceful pumps.

"Eric!" she breathed, looking at him in panic, not knowing what to do with herself.

"Come for me, little one." His trusts erratic pushing into her at high speed. He had to do everything in his power not to come.

All he heard was Keena's moans and how she screamed his name over and over and over again. She started shaking and if he hadn't held her he was sure she would've collapsed as he brought her over the edge.

"That's right, my brave little Dauntless." He told hushed her as she cried out.

Her mouth open as she clung to him, stars in her eyes.

Eric had to do everything in his power not to come right along with her as her walls shattered around his shaft. He didn't want it to end yet, so he slowed his ministrations down a little.

"Fuck." Keena said in awe, as she calmed down. "Again." She ordered between breaths.

And just like that, Eric took over control, carrying her over to other parts of his apartment.

He wanted to fuck her everywhere.


	17. Chapter 17: Shower of Thoughts

"That was…" Keena didn't finish her sentence as she let her head fall into the crook of his neck, that must also be full of her bite and claw marks.

"Yeah." Eric breathed, caging her small frame between his body and the glass shower wall.

For the past three hours they had had some _amazing_ sex – if not the best of his life – throughout the whole of his apartment. Starting off on the kitchen floor, he had then carried her to the table, the couch, the rug, his study, the hallway, the countertop of the kitchen, some chair, his bed and last but not least the shower. Walls, furniture and ground in between those spaces hadn't been left out either.

Gently lifting her away from the glass, he lowered her back to the ground. Moving his hands from her butt to her waist, he pulled her close to him as the hot water rolled down over his back. She took a deep breath and let her head rest against his chest in between her hands. Her fingers were making little patterns on his skin only she could decipher.

For a long moment they just stood there, holding each other in a content state of bliss.

He got the sudden urge to kiss the top of her head but willed himself not to do it. Only people who cared would participate in such display.

And Eric was _no_ caring man.

So, instead he rested his chin on top of her head, breathing in her scent, that by now was a mixture of her usual crisp mandarin and flowery scent with sweat from their past activities.

He loved it but eyeing the starting goosebumps on her skin he reluctantly turned them both around a bit, so his back wasn't blocking all of the water anymore. In silence they washed themselves clean but they both couldn't help the 'accidental' little touches from time to time.

When she closed her eyes and threw her head slightly back to wash the shampoo out of her hear, Eric was glad to see the bite marks and hickeys in her neck and on her shoulders were firmly in place. They wouldn't leave for quite some days. In a way it satisfied him that he had left his mark on her, to know that until they faded no one else would be able to even think her to be theirs.

 _She was his_ … at least for now.

Somehow that thought made him tense, that she could and would be with other guys. There certainly would be options enough. Other guys would practically fall at her feet with just one mere look at her… After all, hadn't he done the exact same thing? Maybe hiding it behind a smokescreen of curiosity and dislike, but she had definitely interested him the very first moment he had looked into her eyes and saw that bright fire shining through.

Eric had never been a person to share the things he cared about. Not mentally, nor materialistically: He would keep his important thoughts mostly – if not all – to himself (although Alijah made that pretty hard from time to time) and although he was not a very materialistic man and did not necessarily care about his stuff, he wasn't particularly generous either. Everyone should fend for their own. If one couldn't, he or she wouldn't belong in Dauntless.

What bothered him however, was that he had never seen girls as a possession until Keena. No. Restate that: What bothered him was that he saw Keena now as a kind of possession. He was reluctant to 'give her back' to the world to take, letting other man have their fun with her too, if she so chose to want the same thing. The mere thought riled him up and it confused him because he had never felt that way about any woman he slept with, no matter how good the sex or how amazing the body.

He couldn't have cared less what those others did after he had had sex with them. The point was that he had gotten what he wanted when he wanted it and that was it. A deal made well.

But looking at the girl in front of him, his blood started boiling at the thought of other men seeing her the way he had seen her.

Screaming his name and panting for air, yes, but also and mostly the small things like her soft chuckling during the little teasing conversations they had inbetween sessions or the way she was standing now, silently washing her hair with the blush on her cheeks that spoke of the earlier activities still firmly in place.

It also bothered him that while she was standing there in all her naked-glory, it was not her body but her face that captured his attention.

All of it.

He got the urge to kiss her again, but – for the first time in his life – _not_ because he was turned on. Just because…

 _Well… Fuck_. He didn't have any _reason_ why he wanted to kiss her, he just wanted to.

Shit. This was a revelation he could do without.

As luck would have it, it was in that moment that a small furrow between her brows appeared and he grabbed this opportunity with both hands. He would take any given opportunity of giving his own confusing feelings a 'real reason', if nothing else, for the sake of his own sanity.

"Tell me what's wrong." He ordered, but it was in a soft and gentle voice. He was not the kind of person to ask if everything was 'fine' or 'okay'.

She was fast to smile.

A fake one, o _f course_.

"I just had some good sex, why would anything be wrong?" She teased.

"Fine than don't tell me." He sighed. Not feeling like arguing. "The sex was better than _mere good_ though."

To both his pleasure as his aggravation – as it made him feel things in his chest against his will or liking – his answer brought a smile to Keena's face.

 _A real one._

"It was." She agreed, grinning at him.

She stepped out of the shower and handed him a towel, before quickly drying herself off.

"I better get going. Thanks for last night." She told him honestly as she wrapped the towel around her and walked into the living room, probably in search of her clothes that had been drying over the radiator since the night before.

The formality of her words, as if it was the last time this would happen, formed a knot in Eric's stomach. They had agreed on that last night of course. Hell, he even was the one that had added the 'for the night.' But it didn't sit well with him.

Not that he would ever show that to her. _Imagine._ That'd be laughable.

 _"_ _You're allowed_ to stay for coffee, _initiate."_ He stated as he followed her out of the bathroom, still dripping wet. The moment the words had left his mouth, however, he knew it had been the wrong thing to say.

Alas, what could he say? Old habits die hard.

It was the exact same way as he always chased off girls he slept with, only instead of using the term 'initiate' he would call them by a wrong name – either because he really didn't know or on purpose. On their turn, most girls would start an argument which ended in calling him a dickhead, pompous ass or something in that direction before storming off with a slamming door.

Ah, well, maybe it was for the best he had used this trick on Keena now too. He wasn't exactly the biggest fan of these clingy feelings towards her he was currently experiencing.

He could already play out the conversation that was about to happen.

He was expecting her angry retort any moment now. Something that would start off with 'Allowed? Initiate? Really?' and a bitter laugh to hide the fact she was experiencing pain from his words. At the lack of him answering, she would then probably continue with ranting that she would've expected a little bit more respect and maturity from his side and point out the fact that she had not been some clingy little brat that was overstaying her welcome but had just literally announced her leave.

It was the way it always went, so he was confused when he didn't get an immediate response.

Instead, she was slowly putting on her clothes – except for the panties Eric had ripped those apart the night before – and took her sweet time to adjust everything to perfection, before looking up at him.

Instead of finding her eyes flashing with anger, they looked at him with honest confusement.

"Why would I want to have coffee with you?" She asked.

The sencerity of her question threw him off and for a moment Eric did not know how to reply. Instead he shrugged casually, a firm mask of indifference on his face.

She waited for his vocal reply. Big eyes stil looking at him questioningly

"Most girls want to stay a little longer after sex." He eventually answered. It was true, most girls would jump at the opportunity of spending a little bit more time with him in private. "My coffee is also way better than that dishwater they call coffee from the cafeteria."

She laughed out loud but said nothing else as she headed for the door, shaking her head.

"You're leaving?"

She grinned up at him. "I tend to prefer good _company_ over good _coffee."_

"You seemed to find me good enough company last night." He teased as he went to stand in front of her. Damn he wanted to kiss that sassy little mouth all over again.

Now, because he _was_ turned on again.

She side-stepped him and opened the door. "Good sex is completely different that good company. Hell, we can't even stand each other most of the time. Goodbye, Eric." And with those words she closed the door behind her.

He sighed deeply as he looked at the door for minutes after he left.

 _He should've known she would not be like other girls._

 **KPOV**

It was 8 days since she had spent the night with Eric, and ever since she walked out of his apartment she hadn't seen him at all. Apparently, he had gone on some unexpected business trip to Candor, Erudite and Amity.

Not that she cared.

Training was much relaxer without him breathing down their necks. Four – bless his soul – had somehow managed to teach her how to handle the kickback of a gun, and now she enjoyed the activity as much as she was good at it.

Lara, Mira, Jonah, Gale and herself were all out of the danger-zone on the scoreboard for now. Maximus hovered just below the red line, but he still got time to make it.

He seemed more committed these days anyway, since he had lost his second fight. He had even asked her to wake him up early in the morning too, so he could join her on the extra training. It had only been for the past 6 mornings now, but she could already see the changes. If nothing else, in his efforts and determination.

She had also met up again with Alijah, who had come back from yet another business trip five days prior. It was nice to catch up with him after all this time and they would meet up tonight again. The only thing bothering her was the way he would look at her at times: some combination of pity and melancholy.

The pity she could place. After all, he knew about the hell she went through when she was 7. Although that couldn't be a justified reason to still pity her after all this time could it? She hoped not. She didn't want his pity either way. Pity was the same as regret. It was a pointless emotion, as it always told you something about the past. The past wasn't changeable so whatever it was you regretted or felt sorry for, you just had to deal with it and move on. No questions asked.

The look of melancholy however, she could not place. A well, maybe someday she would ask him about it but for now she wasn't sure if she could be compassionate enough to hear the answer. Until she would, she would stay out of his business. There was no point in ripping open some wound if you couldn't take care of it after.

"All alone, ashtray?" A voice taunted from behind, making her snap out of her train of thought.

Jasper, _of course it was_. He had been leaving her more or less alone since their fight, until now that is. Keena figured Max, Eric and Four had scared him until he pooped his pants, but she should've known it wouldn't last forever.

Good things never did.

"Wow, I got to give it to you, Jazzy. You finally came up with a nickname of your own." Keena shook her head impressed. "It only took you like what? Two-and-a-half months?"

"Shut up. Do you want me to try and kill you again? All it takes is one push." He said menacingly.

It was a fairly good point, seeing that she was sitting at one of the hallways looking out over the Pitt. Her feet dangling down. She quickly got up and stirred to leave but Jasper went to stand in front of her, blocking her path.

"Geez, if I didn't know any better I would think you actually _want_ to be in my company. _Am I growing on you_?" She smirked up at him.

He grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against a wall.

Her smirk disappeared on instant as she tried to keep her head cool. She could not afford having a slip up of showing fear by Jasper of all people. His hand around her throat was not _his_ hand. It was _not_ the same. She reminded herself.

"Listen up, Amity bitch. Everyone may look right through your little lies, but I know you don't belong here. You are an Erudite and I won't rest until I have you out of my life, either because you're dead or factionless. So, even if I'm keeping a low-profile during initiation now… don't get too comfortable because I _will kill_ you, _understood_?"

He dropped her then and Keena was gasping for air as he walked away.

"What in hell did I ever do to you?" She managed to get out before he was out of earshot.

He came storming back then, rage in his eyes. "You weren't _supposed_ to be here!" He spat furiously while kicking her once. "You were that bitch with the highest scores back at school! You were the reason my parents were disappointed in me with every fucking test-result that I got back because it wasn't as high as the results of _some nobody_ from _Amity._ If a banjo-playing, peace-serum eating hippie could already beat me than 'who wouldn't be able to'?! You were supposed to be an Erudite, but instead you are here, making my life even more miserable because everyone thinks you're a natural Dauntless while you're not!"

He tried to kick her again, but she grabbed his foot and twisted it, making him fall to the floor as she herself jumped up.

She had had enough.

She was sick and tired of all the insults and treats she was receiving. Both from her family back in Amity as from Jasper and Eric in Dauntless. She was sick and tired of everyone – including herself – blaming her for things she had nothing to do with, blaming her for things that had been out of her control. She was sick and tired of feeling a worthless piece of shit that fell somewhere between the importance of dogshit and peepholes in doors that got windows in them.

"If you for one second think I will pity you because your parents were tough on you, you are wrong." She hissed angrily. "Their bad parenting doesn't justify any of your spiteful ways. You're not the only one with a tough past. So whatever self-pity you have, suck it up and turn it into something productive. Build a life of your own instead of dwelling in the past."

Jasper was about to protest but she wouldn't let him.

"No! I've had it with you!" She yelled now. "Stop blaming your fucking weaknesses on my strengths. Only cowards would stoop so low."

She turned her back on him and walked away, head held high, but her body was shaking with anger.

She heard his frustrated growl behind her, but she was too livid to enjoy her little victory. Turning a corner, she bumped into the body of none other than Eric.

So, _he was_ still alive.

Ok. Well, right now she couldn't care less.

His eyes were flashing with anger and burning questions. It was a look of him she had become quite familiar with over the past few months, only this time it was utterly intensified.

He opened his mouth, but she was quick to hold up her hand.

"Let me stop you right there, bud. Whatever taunt, sneer, insult, order or question is just dying to come out. Don't."

"And wh-"

"It wasn't a _suggestion_ or _warning,_ Eric. For once take a fucking _order_ yourself."

She brushed passed him and stormed off.

 _Men._ She'd had it with all of them.


	18. Chapter 18: Eric in Erudite

**EPOV 8** **days earlier**

"Jeanine called." Max was standing in front of Eric's office as Eric arrived.

"What about?" Eric grunted.

It better not be about her theories of Keena being a Divergent again, she had been plagueing him with those for weeks now and unlike other times when Jeanine had some ideas, he hadn't really been able to force himself to care all that much.

There was no doubt that Jeanine was a highly intelligent woman and growing up Eric had blindly believed everything she said, whether she had solid arguments for that or not.

He held her in highest regard, as she had taken him under his wing after his sister had died.

His parents had become even more hostile and spiteful against him than they had been while Merel was still alive. After her death, Merel had suddenly become his parents' prototype of the perfect Erudite daughter they always wanted to have. They claimed how brilliant she was and how she had done no wrong during her lifetime ever.

Funny how they never showed such affection when she was still alive.

Eric, however, drew the short straw and his parents had started to drill into him how he could never live up to her high standards. They scolded him and beat him from time to time, but usually they would ignore him and pretend he didn't exist. 'No son of theirs would be such a pathetic loser as the boy in front of them' and for that he was not worth the time of day. He worked double if not triple so hard to get in their good graces, to a point of obsession and complete exhaustion, but it helped not.

He was competing with a dead girl and he would never be able to win.

Slowly his parents' ways had crushed his love for his own damn sister and he was beginning to hate her.

 _Hate_ her.

His dead sister.

For things that were _completely_ _out of her control_.

And out of guilt for feeling the way he did, he'd started to loath everything in his life, especially his parents.

But also and mostly himself.

For what brother would hate and blame his _dead_ sister for things she had no control over?

It was in that moment in his life that Jeanine started to protect him. He was fourteen at the time, just two years apart from his Chosing Ceremny. Fiercely determind t prove his parents wrong, he wuld study in Jeanine's office and she would help him with anything and give him advise.

After a year she had started to give him little hints to chose Dauntless instead. Seeing how an extremely angry kid he was at that point in his life, shie figured that having some kind of physical way to express himself would help him to get his life back together.

She had been right.

So, the year before his Choosing Ceremony, Jeanine had helped him learning how to act Dauntless, so he would end up on top during initiation, ensuring his spot for leadership so they could still spend time together during working hours.

In short, everything he had today was because of Jeanine. Or in other words: He owed her. Big time.

And in his regard and gratefulness for her, and some would even say love, he had never questioned her.

He trusted her _blindly._

In anything.

Until four years ago, when Zeke's 16-year-old little brother, Uriah, was up for initiation. It had started with small hints, but during the fear-simulation it had become clear that Uriah was in fact a divergent.

And for the first time he had believed the possibility that Jeanine could been wrong about things. In any case, about Divergents, or at least Uriah, being a danger to the city.

Uriah had grown up in Dauntless and for the then four years that Eric'd known Zeke, Uriah had been there a number of times enjoying banter with his brother like brothers would and Eric – although he would never admit it out loud – had grown quite fond of the funny brave boy with a smile that matched the Cheshire Cat.

There was _no way_ Uriah was a danger to the city.

And so, he hadn't told Jeanine.

Ever since, he had tried to nuance Jeanine's hatred to no avail. He had asked her a few times what danger divergents exactly formed, for the sake of catching them he had claimed, but no solid argument ever came on the table.

He still respected Jeanine and her mind, but he didn't put her on a pedestal anymore. She was no god and could make mistakes. Her obsession with divergents merely the first and single one he'd noticed.

"She wants to sue the father of the Amity for lying to save his daughter." Max stated, giving Eric a knowing look.

"So?" Eric asked confused.

He didn't understand how this was his problem. If he really had protected his daughter with a lie, he would continue to do so. There was no way that a Candor man was going to lose his face over truth serum. Any Candor with self-respect would sooner commit suicide and as long Keena was safe, he couldn't really be bothered with some man's dead.

"You read her file, right?"

"Of course I did." Eric scoffed, before understanding dawned onto him. "No. Don't say you're meaning to tell me that Keena's father Bryan Parson is _the_ judge Parson?" He closed his eyes as if hearing the answer would bring less trouble that way.

"The very one."

Well, this was fucked up. Judge Parson was one of the highest ranked judges of Candor, to charge him for withholding crucial information would surely start a silent war between Erudite and Candor. A war Dauntless would have to clean up.

"I'm on my way." Eric sighed.

His trip to Amity would have to wait a few more days.

…

Eric let himself fall back into the couch with a sigh. It had been a long and difficult day trying to talk Jeanine out of it.

So, difficult even, that he hadn't been able to solve it in one day.

Jeanine had thrown all kind of arguments to his head about Keena being a divergent. Her bloodline, education, upbringing and so forth.

At first Eric hadn't really cared, until Jeanine started to speak about the classified files. Eric's attention had definitely piqued up at that. Firstly, because he only knew about one such a file and not multiple and secondly because Jeanine had promised him access to them the next day.

Apparently, she would have to call with Candor about that first, because it was Candor that had officially ordered the files restricted for all but the parties involved.

This was a curious thing on its own as Candor was supposed to be standing for complete transparency in all cases and it made Eric wonder what could be important enough to break that key concept of their faction.

Either way, he had decided to spend the night at Erudite and was currently staying at his own leader-suite in the Erudite compound.

Jeanine had arranged that, as he was the primary spokesman for negotiations between their factions. Not that she would do so for spokesmen of other factions. Being family did have it's perks, of course. The room even contained a bit of his stuff from when he was younger and still living at Erudite.

A knock on his door stirred him from his thoughts. Reluctantly standing up and opening the door he stood eye to eye with Megan, Jeanine's secretary, with whom Eric had spend some nights before when he was either staying at Erudite, she at Dauntless, or they both were at some other compound.

It was an unspoken arrangement pure out of convenience, so he might have his way of stress relieve after a long day of negotiating.

"Eric." Stated in a way of greeting, looking at him in a seductive manner.

She was wearing a tight blue dress with a deep neckline, showing off the cleavage of her small but firm breasts. Her high heels emphasized her long legs.

Her face was beautiful in a classical kind of way, lots of angular shapes and her black shiny hair accentuated her dark brown – almost black – eyes.

He had always found her attractive, but something about her felt off tonight.

As she swung her arms around him and brought her lips to him in an attempt to kiss him, Eric threw her off.

Everything _felt_ wrong.

Everything _was_ wrong.

She was too long and too willowy. Her hair and her eyes too dark. Her lips too thin and her face too angular – _did she even have cheeks?_ She also smelled overly-sweet and her touch was too cold and missed the sparks he got when ...

He realized with whom he was comparing her, but he just didn't want to admit it to himself.

It made it all way too real.

"Not tonight. Not in the mood." He grunted, trying to close the door between them.

She stepped inside quickly.

"Yeah right. As if you're ever _not_ in the mood for good sex." Megan laughed and pressed her hand against his large member.

It was completely soft.

Eric looked at her utterly displeased.

"Am I a _mute?_ I believe I said _no."_ He sneered at her.

For a moment her eyes flashed with fear before she made her way into his apartment, heading for the kitchen to poor them both a wine.

"You just need to relax after such a day." She shrugged. "I can help you with that."

Eric smirked his evil laugh. "Is that so?" He said as he took both glasses from her hands and put them on the table behind him. He pushed her hair to the side and leaned in close to her ear, his lips brushing over her lobe.

She shivered.

He put up the most intimidating and antagonistic voice he could muster as he whispered:

"So, you think you know me better than I do myself, hm?"

She paled, and he could hear her swallow.

"Well. _I. Think. Not_."

He contracted his face and looked her in the eye.

"When I _say_ no, I _mean_ no. I don't like it when my _whores_ don't listen. _Go._ Before I throw you out myself." His voice was overloaded with hostility.

She scrambled back a few steps, her face a mixture of confuse, anger and hurt.

"But I thought…"

"OUT!" He turned his back towards her, taking both whine glasses with him to the couch.

"Well, maybe next time." Megan said hopefully before closing the door behind her.

Eric rolled his eyes. Which self-respecting woman would start about 'next time' when he'd just called said woman a whore.

He was at a loss how he even found her attractive once.

Gulping down one of the wine glasses, his mind teased him with images of a complete different woman _with_ such self-respect.

How Keena had left him that morning with the firm determination to _not_ have coffee with him, hell not even considering its idea… Yes, that display of strong defiance, _that_ had been _real attractive._

And all she had needed for that had been her challenging personality.

…

"They won't provide you her details until she's a full Dauntless."

The words were spoken cold and calculating but it was clear Jeanine was not happy about this fact. Neither was Eric, he was curious to say the least.

"Understandable." He reasoned.

Although he didn't really understand. _Since when had Candor become so secretive?_

"I can however provide you with her non-classified medical records, that is after all Erudite's right to give away. Although it shows nothing of importance. Just a reason to believe she grew up with some abuse."

Jeanine said it casually because for Erudites it was exactly that: casual and common even. But Eric also knew that for an Amity, abuse was highly uncommon. Although he supposed with a mother that had actually been an Erudite it was placeable.

Jeanine threw a file on the desk in front of her.

"That's her non-classified file. Knock yourself out if you want but it's just some cuts and bruises and broken bones." Jeanine stated bored. _"Her constricted_ medical file contains all the _good_ stuff: the rape, the gun wound, yadiyadiya."

Eric winced.

"Come again?"

"It's not the specifics that matter, Eric!" Jeanine sighed frustrated. "Think about the bigger picture here: Her free upbringing in combination with her bloodline and the constant abuse in her youth... It has led me to believe that she _must_ be divergent. Her grandparents are all Amity, her father a Candor, her mother an Erudite. One would think she would have at least the aptitude of either three, but instead she chooses Dauntless, a faction compeltely unrelated, while also graduating on top of her class back in school. It is all way too conspicuous to be a coincidence."

Eric cleared his throat, for the first time in years having trouble to process information.

"What if she would've been Erudite, but her upbringing made her Dauntless as well? It could be." Jeanine was getting excited now at the prospect of new revelations. "It is also well known that kids that experience abuse and trauma's early on in life are more likely to develop a personality disorder. Can you imagine the breakthrough this would be if it such traumas also turn out to develop divergence in people? Meaning there is a chance that divergence would be nothing other than a disorder or disease, in that case we would easily get the vote of the people to lock them all up! But I need hard facts to prove that. That's why I need that Katharina girl for the research."

"Keena." Eric corrected. "And if that is the case you would do well looking within Erudite. I'm sure that your own faction is the place where abuse partakes most amongst children. I myself just an example of course."

Jeanine narrowed her eyes but kept silent.

"Hell, maybe I'm even a divergent. I could have been an Erudite too. I graduated on top of my class too and yet I'm a full Dauntless now." Eric drew out sarcastic.

"Enough of that nonsense, Eric." Jeanine hissed angrily. "Don't mock me, it is highly unbecoming."

"I will not let you start a _war_ with Candor just because of one possible and not to mention unimportant Divergent-girl." Eric stated in his commanding voice. "A war _my faction_ will have to clean up by the way and both Max and I are _no_ fan of that prospect."

"Than just hand me over the girl instead! Make her disappear. The first stage of initiation is almost over, you can have her drop below the red line, make her factionless and bring her to me, no questions asked."

Eric was livid on the inside but his exterior remained calm and collected.

"And what if you're wrong, Jeanine? She already did your aptitude test and came out Dauntless. What if you're wrong and you'll have started a war with Candor over nothing?"

Jeanine sat back into her chair, a cold and calculating look dominating her features.

"You care for her." She stated out of nowhere.

It wasn't a question.

"Don't be rediculous." Eric scoffed incredulously. "You've taught me too well for that."

"To care is to suffer." They both quoted in unison.

Jeanine smiled a small smile at this.

"Aunt, I am serious. Don't start a war with Candor over this. It will get messy and unpractical. Assuming Keena is divergent, it will show in the amount of time she'll need during the fear-simulations. If she's quick with those I'll hand her to you on a silver platter." Eric laughed.

Jeanine nodded her head approvingly.

"Very well. You are right. Besides, I've been already waiting for quite some time, I guess another few months won't hurt." She agreed reluctantly. "Thank you, Eric, I'm glad we see eye to eye once again."

Internally, Eric rolled his eyes.

 _Sure_ they did.


	19. Chapter 19: Riddle Me This

**EPOV**

 _"What?!"_ He bellowed at the Candor woman behind the desk.

People turned their heads at the spectacle he was making, but for the first time in his life, Eric couldn't care less about decorum.

He wanted answers and he wanted them _now._

After his talk with Jeanine the night before, he had decided to go to the Citizen Information Archive at Candor, hoping that showing up in person would help him getting the confidential files regardless of, well, being confidential.

After all, he had a menacing look that made all non-Dauntless people sweat by so much as a glance from him in their direction. Receiving one angry look from him… let's just say it could be _very_ persuasive.

It had been at least worth the try.

Sadly enough, no such luck today.

The woman behind the information desk hadn't given in to her obvious distress at the sight of Eric's intimidating person. No, to her credit, the woman had kept refusing him anything classified and in a weird way Eric had even been impressed with her, despite of messing up his plans.

She had stood her ground facing the shitstorm Eric knew he could be, so in a way the Candor had been rather brave. Of course, it was that _Candor kind_ of bravery; the _dreary_ one, where the lady was _stupid_ enough to rather risk her life than become dishonest to the law in any way.

Nevertheless, it had been bravery.

So, no, the fact that he hadn't gotten the restricted files from her hadn't been the reason for his outburst.

His outburst had come _after,_ when he had asked her for some other files and she came back empty handed.

More precisely: Non-classified files of Keena's siblings.

You see, when Eric had gotten the files about Keean from Jeanine the night before, he hadn't even bothered to look into the files, because they were supposed to be _the same damn files_ he had back at Dauntless.

He knew those files by heart.

Too many times his eyes had gone over the lines, trying to find an answer to the enigma called Keena.  
Too many times he had failed to find said answer.

So, imagine Eric's surprise when he opened the files - to hand over Keena's citizen identification number to the receptionist - only to find out the file had been updated.

The day after Keena's transfer, her mother, Emma, had become an official factionless.

Apparently, the Amity didn't deem her kind enough for Amity, nor was Amity kind enough - _oh, the irony_ \- to let her stay for the sake of five young children.

Hence, the curious part: All Keena's siblings had been erased from her file. Most likely because they had all transferred along to the factionless with Emma, causing them to be erased from the system for the remainder of their life.

Which was peculiar on its own.

Although rare, it wasn't unheard of that people became factionless after years of belonging to a faction, but it _was_ unheard of that the kids transferred along with them. Usually some family members or close friends would take over the custody until the kids could do the test for themselves.

This way the kids still had a chance on a life within a faction.

Eric was not one for sentiment, but to rip away the chances on a good life from five underaged kids seemed cold, even to him. Especially coming from a faction that was known for its kindness.

Moreover, it didn't explain why their names had been erased from Keena's file either. Instead of wiping out their existance they should've simply put an 'factionless' stamp behind their names, like Keena's uncle and now mother had.

Although Eric had become accustomed to the mystery and vagueness surrounding aything 'Keena', this particular case made just no sense whatsoever.

And thus, he had ordered up the files of Keena's siblings, not even needing their names to be in a file to remember them. He had memorized every single detail of those files, including irrelevant things like birthdays.

But when the Candor woman had come back from her search of those files, his blood had started boiling.

None of the files where there. Or better yet; existed.

"Are you sure you gave me the right names?" The woman asked.

Eric had no time, nor want for socially desirable behavior and left without another word.

Someone had erased all evidence of existance of those kids and he was going to find out why.

.

…

.

"Are you really?" Eric sneered in response to Johanna's apology.

 _Obligation of secrecy his ass._

Whatever it was Johanna was hiding, it was clear that she was all too glad not to talk about it. Something about 'unhappy memories disrupting the peace'.

 _Please._

How was it that _all_ factions _but_ Dauntless were in on this specific case? Well, in all fairness, he supposed Abnegation wasn't part of it, but they had made this god damn confidentiality law that made all this secrecy possible, so he was still pissed at them too.

Every unanswered question spurred on five others. It was getting exhausting.

He 'thanked' Johanna and made his way back to the train rails. On the way there however, his eyes fell on the Amity dining hall and remembering that Keena had told him she'd worked there, he'd decided to step in.

It was 3pm, making the dining hall vacate if not for the sound of pots and pans coming from out of the kitchen. Getting closer to the sound he saw a rather large but no less beautiful dark-skinned woman of no older than thirty-five.

Eric cleared his throat to make his presence known as he stood in the doorway.

The woman seemed shocked for a second but quickly recovered as a bright smile crept up her face. Walking over to him she stuck out her hand for him to shake.

He hated pleasantries like that.

There was no need for physical contact unless it involved fighting or sex, and thus he held his hands stifly clasped behind his back.

Luckily, Martha seemed unfazed by his rudeness. After a few seconds, Martha's hand dropped down but the warm smile never left her face.

"Martha. Pleasure to meet you, Eric." She said, her kind smile momentarily changing into a sly one.

To say Eric was taken aback that she knew his name was doing it short. What was her endgame? Although, he hated to be the one in the disadvantage, somehow he got the feeling that with this woman - Martha - it did not matter as much. She seemed to have no malice or hidden agenda that went with her words spoken.

Apart from the sly smile she had showed only seconds ago, she looked Amity inside and out.

Just the average Amity woman that wore her heart on her sleve. _Disgusting._

Why people wanted to be open books, Eric understood not. He might be annoyed by all the secrecy surrounding Keena but at least he could understand where she was coming from; privacy and with it safety. After all, he did the same damn thing, albeit less extreme.

Not knowing how to answer this Martha-person exactly, Eric simply cocked an eyebrow in response.

"The he famous nephew of Janine, in fact the only child she could tolerate to have around." Martha grinned.

So, she was Erudite-born. _That_ explained it.

"Come in, come in." Martha ushered him into the kitchen and gestured to one of the barstools at the side. "I take it you come for Katharina?" She asked while continuing her previous administrations; making dough. "I expected someone here sooner or later. Katharina is a very interesting girl, yet very reluctant to indulge people with information about herself. It was bound to raise some questions."

At this Eric snorted. So, she had been closed-off in Amity too.

"It's Keena now, but yes. She is why I'm here." Eric stated shortly.

God knows how much he'd give _not_ to be here. Everything Amity he just couldn't stand.

They lived their entire lives in some sort of fantasy, while other factions could not be permitted such luxury. No, they had to live in the real world of crime, unfairness, hatred and pain, while Amity didn't have a clue or didn't care.

They were just too blind or too ignorant to give a shit.

Probably the latter. _Imbeciles._

This woman – Martha – was the exact stereotype Eric had always had about Amity and it was exactly why he had always figured he'd hate them all.

First of, her outfit was like a circus. She was wearing a sickening bright red dress with a flashy yellow apron. He had been slightly nauseated at the sight of Keena's pale-yellow playsuit the day of her arrival at Dauntless, but he had to give it to her now, she had done extremely well considering her options.

This outfit Martha was wearing was just full-on crazy and that never-ending smile plastered on her face didn't help her case much either. Moreover, her voice was loud and the tone of it was as if she would rather sing every sentence than speak it.

And he had the feeling she was one to do a lot of that. Talking, that is.

If she would even try to start singing he would be out of here in the blink of an eye.

He could tell that Martha was a genuinely kind woman, but - and this was more his fault than hers - he just hated the overly cheeriness of Amities. As if there was so much to be happy about… Not in his life anyhow.

No, Amity was not his cup of tea. That's for sure.

Come to think of it, _tea_ wasn't his cup of tea. He was more of a coffee person. Or better yet, something containing alcohol.

Either way, he had the feeling that once this lady started speaking, there was no way of stopping her and although normally he avoided such people at all costs, today, given the information he was looking for, this could actually come in handy.

So, for the sake of information he would be the picture of _pure politeness._

Well, sort of, anyway.

"Keena? How lovely! That is how her little ones used to call her, you know."

"Little ones?" He asked, already knowing she meant Keena's siblings.

"Yes, her five younger siblings, you see." She pointed at a picture on the wall.

The picture showed Keena with a toddler girl in her arms and another hundred kids around her, all standing in front of a sandbox. Okay, maybe not a hundred kids. Four boys to be exact, but still, way too much kids for Eric's liking.

How one choose to have six kids was beyond him.

Regardless of his dislike for kids in general, he couldn't help but be glad to have faces to go with the names he'd read in the file at last.

The oldest of the boys, Eric knew to be the ten-year-old Thomas, was holding a stick as if it were a sword and was looking mischievously into the camera. The eight-year-old Oliver was missing a front tooth and was kneeling down in front of Keena to steady and still the four-year-old Dylan, who was wildly throwing his arms in the air and put on a silly face. The six-year-old Aaron was holding onto the pale-yellow dress of Keena, slightly hiding behind it, while smiling tentatively into the camera. If not for the gentle hand of Keena on his head, Eric was sure he would have disappeared behind her skirt completely. Furthermore, the two-year-old Marilee was safely in Keena's other arm and looked content playing with Keena's hair.

What caught Eric's special attention, however, was Keena herself.

Or her smile to be specific.

If he had thought her gorgeous before, he didn't know what he should call her now.

In all honesty, he was awe-struck.

Never had cliché descriptions about a woman been so accurate. She was breathtakingly stunning and dangerously bewitching all at once.

He realized it was the first time he saw her smile in pure happiness. Her smile held none of the secrets, restraint and caution he had become so used to. No, this smile was open and carefree, and he had to admit he was mesmerized by it. Her smile could literally light up the whole room, even from of a picture, and it struck him all the way down to his core.

"She's quite the remarkable young woman, wouldn't you agree?" Martha smiled knowingly at him.

"She's… different, yes." Eric tore his eyes away from the captivating picture. "Difficult to read." He cared not for the prying eyes of Martha.

Martha nodded. "That she is." And she continued to look at the photo for a little while longer.

"Is she happy there?" She suddenly asked, her face sporting a pained expression.

"I don't know, I merely supervise the initiation."

"And yet you're here." Came her smooth reply.

Well. She had a point.

 _Damn her._

When Eric didn't immediately retort she continued.

"Why are you here, Eric?" She asked, finally looking over at Eric again.

She was full on business now, and had that Erudite-signature calculating look in her eyes. Some habits never died, he supposed.

"There seems to be a lot of mystery around Keena and I wanted answers."

"Why?"

The question was simple enough and yet Eric was taken aback by it. Why did he want answers? In all honesty, he didn't really know. He just knew he craved them more than anything in his life. Not that he was about to tell Martha that. Feeling attacked, however, he immediately took on his intimidating Dauntless-leader stance.

"Need I have a reason?" He asked her in his signature authoritarian voice.

"Yes." She simply answered, seemingly unfazed with his person. "If you want any information coming from me, you will need a reason. A good one."

"In all honesty, I'm not quite sure, ma'am." Eric told her honestly, sighing defeated but never losing his superior demeanor.

"So, it's not because she's in trouble?" Martha cocked her head.

"She's doing perfectly well physically speaking. Again, I can't tell you about feelings or emotions but the psychological part of initiation will start in 1,5 months' time, she seems mentally strong enough to be up to the task."

"Again, then why are you here now?" Her eyes narrowed and Eric felt like a quarry under her gaze.

When did _this_ happen?

 _He_ was always the predator. _He_ had come to get information from _her_. So, how was it possible that _she_ had somehow managed to turn the tables around and was now interrogating _him?_ Probably until he put his guts out on the table in front of him too. It _should_ be the other way around.

"I told you, because I want answers!" Eric was getting more and more frustrated with this lady in front of him.

"But that's not all of it." She cocked her head to the side, seemingly looking into his soul.

"It. Is." He hissed, seething from anger.

In all honesty, Eric didn't know why he was so angry with her. It was a reasonable enough question, but somehow answering seemed out of the question. Why? What even was his answer? He didn't even know himself.

"No, it isn't."

"I think I know my own damn reasons." Liar, liar, pants on fire. He really didn't.

"Then tell them to me."

"I just _did."_ Eric snarked.

"Eric, why do you want answers?"

"Want?! Want?! I fucking need them, god damnit! She haunts my every thought!" Eric bellowed, shocking himself with his answer.

It was not a spectacular new thought.

In fact, he had thought it before, so it shouldn't be as shocking to him as it was. But that was just it. Having the words safe and sound inside of his own head had still been acceptable, _manageable._ This, however… hearing the words coming out of his own mouth made them all too real.

She was on his mind. All the damn time.

Why? Because she interested him. Big time.

Meaning that she meant more to him than 'just an initiate' or 'just another fuck' should.

He didn't exactly like her, he wouldn't go that far, but she intrigued him. He had known this, of course, but that had been before the sex. All the girls before her, he had lost interest in as soon as the sex had been over.

But not with her.

And the weird thing was, that it wasn't even necessarily the sex he was after with her. In fact, it was her mind that interested him most. He liked to provoke her and push her buttons for the sole purpose of seeing her brain in action. Her witty combacks to her swift distractions. And when she wasn't up to it, like the time on the roof, he actually felt something akin to sorrow or sadness.

No matter how much he tried to blame it on selfishnes, he after all just wanted to quarrel and enjoy another challenge, he knew deep down he actually cared for her wellbeing.

 _Shit._ He _knew_ it was true, but he didn't _want_ it to be.

Emotions only stood in your way. It was always best to stay aloof and unattached so you could remain rational.

Eric turned to leave. He needed to get out of there. Away from Martha and away from his own thougts and most importantly, away from that smiling picture of Keena on the wall. It was unsettling.

He was halfway out of the door when Martha's voice made him stop.

"Eric, wait! That girl is like the daughter I never had, so betraying her trust… I just had to be sure I did it for the right cause."

Eric slowly turned around. He was emotionally drained but finally he would get the answers he had wanted for so long. Leaving now would mean having his heart put out on the table for nothing.

No, he would stay until he got all damn answers to his questions.

He was still quite shocked by this new found revelation of his feelings, but he decided to ponder on it later. He was to get as much information out of this source while it lasted.

"Continue." He ordered Martha, adjusting his previously lost demeanor to one of authority once again.

"First, you have to understand that Katharina's past has multiple horrific layers. I won't go down into detail about all of them, but she has had it rough and people gave her good reasons not to be trusted. It took years for her to start trusting me, and even then it never went further than the tini tiny bit that she did... If word ever came out I told you, well, _anything_ for that matter..."

She looked at Eric meaningfully. "What I'm trying to ask, or 'beg' is more accurate I suppose, is not to mention this conversation to her in anyway. She will think of it as betrayal, like I'm throwing all her trust away like it's garbage."

"Than why tell me at all? Don't get me wrong, I want answers but…"

Martha's wistful smile disappeared completely, and she slowly shook her head.

"Because she doesn't know what is good for her. She's in a confused and unstable place right now and sometimes what is best for someone isn't in unison with what they want or how they want things to go."

Eric pondered on this for a second. She didn't seem to be in that bad a place at Dauntless. Maybe Keena had just acted funnily the weeks or months before she left out of sadness of leaving.

"Furthermore, this information is not the kind of information you want. Believe me." Martha continued. "Those who know what happened, don't speak of it for a reason, Eric. Just make sure that you can handle the worst-case scenario answer before you ask a question, ones you know something, you can't 'unknow' it."

"Duly noted." Eric nodded. A knot was forming in his stomach, but he ignored it.

He had no doubt that Martha was telling the truth, he could easily believe Keena had had it rougher than most people, but he also wondered about the extent of Martha's opinion. A horrific past in Amity could hardly be of the same quality as a horrific past in Dauntless or Erudite.

So, although Martha was telling the truth, 'truth' on its own was a very vague and subjective term.

"So, where to start? What do you want to know?" Martha asked, suddenly nervous.

It was clear Martha wasn't as comfortable with talking about Keena as she had seemed before. Not wanting to waist any more time and risk getting less answeres - because it gave Martha the chance of getting more and more nervous - Eric was quick to answer.

"The classified files. I know of one but apparently there are more. What are they about?"

"You have to be more specific. I have no authority to look into those files either – I'm only a coworker on paper after all – so, I have no idea of what's in them or what they are about. I can only tell you the little parts about Keena's life that I do know, either because she told me, which is very rare, or because I deducted it from newspapers, gossip and facts."

"Fair enough, the first file I came about dated back to 11 years ago." Eric carefully took in Martha's demeanor.

He didn't miss a beat on how she swallowed and cocked her head to the side slightly before answering.

This was hard on her.

"I believe she was raped around that time."

Eric blinked. Jeanine had mentioned the rape before of course, so he wasn't shocked that it came up. But he was utterly shocked however that it had happened eleven years ago.

Eleven. Fucking. Years. Ago.

That made Keena what? Seven or eight years old?

Eric didn't know whether he had spoken his thoughts out loud or if Martha could just read his face that easily, but she answered in either case.

"Yes, she was seven. Her biology teacher I believe. There were rumors that it had been going on for a while, but it could've just as easily only been once. Katharina never talked about it but there was gossip of course, not to mention the bruising - although she managed to hid it well. The teacher was fired but there never has been a trial, I checked."

"No trial?" How was that even possible?

"You know Erudite." Martha smiled bitterly. "They don't believe in the punishment of their own. The biology teacher was one of them, I think they wanted to solve the matter within their faction instead of making it common knowledge. At the time Erudite already had Candor and Abnegation breathing down it's neck after some experiment gone wrong, they couldn't use more bad publicity and did everything in their power to keep it silent."

"What about Amity? Didn't they want to bring a pedophile to justice?"

"We don't believe in punishment either, as you are well aware. We rather focus on the good and overcoming the bad. What happened to Katharina was terrible but dragging a man to the court wouldn't have changed what happened to her. He had been fired and didn't work with children anymore. That was all the information we needed and instead we focussed on helping Katharina to overcome the trauma."

Eric was stunned. What the actual fuck? The pedophile had walked away from the scene unscratched while Keena had been 'helped' by nothing short of throwing some calming serum down her throat.

Well, granted, that last one was just his speculation. He didn't actually know that for a fact and maybe - just maybe - his thoughts at present were a bit biased and not in the favor of Amity.

"What about her mother?" Eric asked confused. He knew Emma was an Erudite in Amity and thus had two reasons to not want punishment but still... it was her _daughter._

Not that that was decicivly by nature. His own mother hadn't been exactly the protective mother bear either, but his mother also would've never been allowed into Amity. Emma had at least 19 years of Amity-kindness going for her.

"Oh, Emma has never been much around. I don't even believe Emma knows what has happened and even if she did, she certainly wouldn't care. She resented Katharina."

"How come?"

"Emma would have been Erudite, but she got knocked up at age 16. If we are to believe Emma, she and the father of Katharina – Bryan Parson – decided to both stay at Amity and raise the baby together. When the Choosing Ceremony came around, Emma chose Amity, only to see her boyfriend drop his blood in Candor a few minutes later. Emma resented the baby ever-since, blaming Katharina for her own misfortune. She dropped the kid off at her father's and when he died Katharina was already old enough to do most basic things herself, dressing, eating, showering that is. She was only four but smart and a fast learner, enabling Emma to stay away more and more, doing god knows what. Katharina was left mostly to herself."

"Amity has no policies for things like this?" How was it that the more answers he got, the more confused he got as well? How could this happen at Amity of all places?

"At the time, no one really noticed, I suppose." Martha had the decency to look ashamed. "We never saw much of Emma and after her father died we supposed Katharina was just with her. Katharina went to school on time and was neatly showered every day… There were no signs of abandonment you would normally have. We can both blame and praise Katharina's bright mind for that – depending on how you look at it."

Eric snorted but didn't say anything more. He was afraid that once he would open his mouth his anger would prevent Martha from continuing.

His face must have showed his incomprehension.

"I know, it deserves no beauty prize." Martha sighed. "But looking back on it we can at least be grateful that Emma's house was filled with stacks of books, both to kill the time as to teach Katharina the lessons she should've learned from her mother."

Well, Eric could see how Keena of all people had been victimized by a pedophile. A bright small girl, eager to learn and no one to turn to. _She had been an easy target_.

He was seething and wanted to punch something, preferably the pedophile teacher, but since that was out of the question he needed to distract his mind from the subject.

"When did Amity start noticing then?" He asked, barely believing he was asking such a ridiculous question. How could an entire faction be fooled by a girl of no more than four years old and counting. Keena was smart but not even the biggest genius in the world would get away with raising him or herself unnoticed.

There was just _no_ way.

In Erudite a lot of kids practically raised themselves or eachother as well, but at least this was common knowledge. No one just really gave a fuck and those who did would function as surrogate mother or father to the abandoned kids. Like Jeanine had been for Eric.

In all honesty, Eric didn't know what was worse, people knowing and not caring or people don't even noticing, but he figured that not even being noticed was at least the lonelier option out of the two.

"I guess it was after Emma gave birth to her second child, Thomas. Katharina was only 8 at the time. Emma left quite quickly again after that, leaving Katharina to raise the baby and the following four as well. It started becoming clear when she had to drop her siblings off at the daycare everyday only to pick them up when she got back from school."

Hip, hip, hurrah for Amity.  
After four years they finally noticed.  
May their minds enjoy their retirement.

 _Fucking snails_.

Eric was about to state his next question, but Martha beat him to it.

"At first I was quite surprised to hear she picked Dauntless." She started randomly.

Eric could tell this was going to be a story he wasn't particularly interested in. Well, at least what they say is true: Once an Amity starts talking there is no way of stopping them.

He was one that liked his information to be direct and to the point, but for the sake of 'quid pro quo' he would indulge the woman by listening for a minute.

In all honesty, it would normally annoy Eric more than it did at present anyway. Right now - and despite the information being anything but fun - he even felt something akin to grateful and glad about the woman's loose lips. God knows, he would never get even a fraction of this information out of Keena herself.

In a way he knew he should feel bad or uncomfortable digging into somebody's past like this without the person in question knowing... But that was the point: He should… but he didn't.

Keena was just… It's just… _ugh._

He could _strangle_ her.

 _That's what_.

She drove him mad in a way no other had ever done. She was just so private and shut herself off from the world completely… More than once he had wondered if she had started to believe her own fake smiles and indifference.

She just needed a wakeup call to get real with herself and he most definitely wanted to see that more private side of her for a change. Like the loving and caring side of her in the picture.

For some reason, he didn't even find that side repulsing at all. In fact, he actually quite liked the idea of her having a soft and kind side – albeit deep within – only few were lucky enough see.

He turned to look at said picture on the wall again. It was amazing how completely and immensely prosperous she looked.

He had never thought her to be seriously unhappy at Dauntless, but in comparison with this picture, he started having doubts.

It was strange to realize that the low-key sassy and closed-off Keena he had come to know was the same as the motherly figure he was looking at. If he had met her like she was in the picture, he would've thought she'd belong in Amity. No single doubt about it.

Of course, pictures worked deceiving – for example on this photo she looked carefree, as if she didn't have a care in the world when obviously she did – but still… Eric couldn't imagine her happiness and obvious love for her siblings to be fake.

But neither could he find untruth in the sassy and confident attitude she displayed in Dauntless. If anything, he guessed she was some sort of a bittersweet rebel, both kind and brave, but chose to display only what the occasion called for, just like different occasions asked for different emotions.

But didn't doing such a thing border on being divergent?

Fuck, not _those_ thoughts again.

He just needed to understand her. Obviously partly for the sake of his own sanity, but he also felt it would be good for her to have someone barking right back at her, knowing where she'd come from.

She might have been through a lot but he'd be damned to treat her like a porcelain vase. Neither he nor her would enjoy such an experience… Wait what?

He had to pull himself together. These were thoughts he was not ready to have.

He was a _selfish_ guy. Yes, this whole 'seeking the truth' journey had been _purely_ out of _self-interest_.

Not even believing his own lying thoughts, Eric quickly focused on the story Martha was telling him.

"… and everyone who knew her back at Amity expected her to be an Erudite, because she was reading _so much_ as a child. But I guess she just needed all the information she could get to carry out the tasks on her shoulders without help or guidance. I mean, raising kids, doing domestic tasks and every once in a while taking care of a bed-bound pregnant mother who resented her, required more knowledge and experience than life had bestowed upon her yet on such young an age. But looking back on it, _I_ believe her heart has always belonged to Dauntless, she just simply hadn't had the time for it."

Eric's head was spinning. The more Martha talked, the more she sounded like a gossiping Southern lady. He was about to say something, but Martha already opened her mouth again.

 _If it had ever even closed_ , that is.

The amount of words started to mildly annoy him - but just mildly, which was an achievement.

Either way, he let her carry on.

 _Not that he had a choice_.

"When I got to know her on a more personal level she was 11 years old. She would help me cook in the kitchen in exchange of free meals for her and her – at that time 2 – siblings. Sometimes after dinner I would offer to watch the kids four a couple of hours, so she would have some time for herself. She would run nonstop through the fields in that time, sometimes even climb a tree or two... Although running is usually frowned upon by kids over the age of 8 because it disrupts the peace, no one could take offence in her doing so. We all just figured she needed an outlet to unleash all that build up energy from sitting at home and doing domestic tasks. It was in those moments she actually seemed the happiest, she just didn't get the chance to do it that often. When she got older, I suppose she just got better in concealing it."

Hallelujah...  
Praise the lord...  
Fear not...  
and alarm the media... _Or Whatever._

The woman _does_ breathe.

Martha had _finally_ stopped talking and in some silent agreement they simultaneously turned to look at the picture on the wall again and they continued to do so for a few moments.

But _of course_ , like all good things, also this silence had to come to an end.

"She's is a very peculiar girl…" Martha started again and Eric internally cringed. "I'm pretty sure she would be able to thrive in any faction… That's what worries me. She can shift between qualities like a chameleon changes color. She camouflages and blends in with her surroundings like it's her first nature."

Oh. Actually, that hadn't been a too long or bad a statement.

She had at least managed to reduce Eric's need to stuff her mouth full of the dough she was currently kneading.

 _Way to go, Martha_!

Eric kept staring at the picture while he pondered on Martha's words. They certainly held a grain of truth. More than once he had witnessed and how quickly Keena changed moods. Fear changing into mirth in a matter of seconds. Anger into indifference in the blink of an eye.

He looked over at Martha, who was still looking at the picture. She frowned a bit, clearly lost in thought.

He had the feeling that whatever was coming next, actually _was_ the kind of information he was looking for, so he smartly remained silent.

"She raised them." She stated, not really to him specifically. After all, he already knew that now. "All of them, from the first diaper to the most valuable lessons. But they thought her lessons as well. She was a very angry and lost kid but those kids… they were always able to give her the peace she needed, the peace she never got from anyone else."

"Why did she leave them?" Eric heard himself ask and internally he cringed.

He had not wanted to ask that question.

In all honesty, it was the first question popping into his mind after the first glance at the picture.

She looked _so_ happy, _so_ serene, _so_ content. Why would she leave it all behind?

The air around them grew thick and cold, making Eric shudder because of it.

It had been the question on the tip of his tongue the moment he had set foot into the kitchen but he had not asked it right away… And suddenly, he got the feeling he knew why.

He didn't want the answer, did he?

When Martha looked at him, he was sure of it.

Her eyes full of exhausted sorrow she answered him.

"Because they died."


	20. Chapter 20: The Bigger Picture

**EPOV**

Disoriented Eric made his way through the Erudite headquarters as he repeatedly and unconsciously patted the picture of Keena and her siblings in his pocket.

Martha had given it to him - to give to Keena - after she had finished telling him all that she knew about Keena's siblings deads.

Not that she knew much.

Apparently, no one knew what had happened precisely, only that it had been a horrible bloodbath.

A neighbor had heard some gunshots and rusheded towards the house to look what had happened. He found six kids scattered around the floor, all bleeding heavily, some because of knife wounds, others because of gun wounds. Some already dead, others breathing out their last breaths.

Only two had survived. Keena and Oliver.

The latter currently still in coma, recovering at the Erudite-hospital.

Which left only Keena with the knowledge of what happened that horrific day, 3,5 months before her Choosing Ceremony. But as faith would have it, she was suffering from something called 'situation-specific amnesia' which is a type of psychogenic amnesia that occurs as a result of a severely stressful event or psychological trauma – geez, you don't say - as part of PTSD.

In other words, Keena had no recollection of her siblings dying, but according to Martha Keena also believed her siblings to be still alive and well.

Apparently, the factions – Erudite, Candor and Amity – were all working very hard to keep her that way, but why, Martha knew not.

And that is how Eric currently found himself back at the Erudite headquarters, searching for the person one person he was sure _did_ know.

Jeanine Matthews.

When he finally spotted her, her back towards him, he grabbed her arm with all the determination he could muster and whirled her around to face him.

"The truth, Jeanine. NOW!" He bellowed. Jeanine looked more than a little displeased at his outburst.

When she did not immediately reply, Eric repeated his sentiment in a hostile whisper.

"I want the fucking truth!" he hissed. He had to reign in his frustration and anger, because he knew neither of those emotions would get him what he wanted from his aunt.

"You sound like a Candor." She said icily with her ever-stoic face, leading them both into a secluded room.

"Call it thirst for knowledge then." He backfired.

Jeanine pursed her lips in speculation for a moment.

"You know." She muttered to herself. "How do you know?"

"It's not the specifics that matter, Jeanine" Eric told her, borrowing her own words from the day before. "Think about the bigger picture here, four kids died and you're trying to cover it up. Why?"

Jeanine narrowed her eyes at him, not at all pleased.

"Very well. Follow me." She eventually told him.

Instead of heading up to her office as Eric had expected, they instead went into the direction of the Clinique. It was the holy grail of the medical research at Erudite, equipped with the very best medical technologies. The hospital made use of it when the occasion called for it, but otherwise it was primarily used for research.

Jeanine accessed three doors into different restricted areas before stopping at a door that contained an unconscious boy of about eight years old. He was being intubated by the life-support machine next to him.

The scrawny boy with his pale and sunken in face was the single most dire sight Eric had ever seen. It was even so awful, he had trouble keeping his uncaring mask in place. Which was necessary, _especially_ around Jeanine.

What made matters worse was that he exactly knew who the little boy was. Oliver Hyde.

He had dirty blonde hair, both darker and curlier than his sister but his nose and ears had the same small and cute-looking shape. They also had the same cheekbone structure and thick dark eyebrows.

Eric tried not to dwell on the question why he knew all of Keena's facial features by heart.

"What are we doing here." He managed to sound completely detached from any kind of emotion. _Good._

"This is Oliver Hyde." Jeanine stated bored, completely unbothered by the sad display in front of her.

"In coma." Eric added, although his statement held a question.

"He was found down by the stairs. I believe he fell and landed on his head."

"Why is he here and not at the hospital?"

Normally, only high-ranked important people would end up at the Clinique, that and 'Jeanine's medical intrigues'; the special cases no one really knew what was happening with.

Again, Jeanine pursed her lips in contemplation, eyeing Eric through narrowed down eyes.

"Let's just say, I have an arrangement with his mother."

Her choice of words told him that she was not in the mood to discuss details of said arrangement. Normally, Eric would've let it be, instead playing on a different angle for information… but not today.

Today he was seething.

"Let's just say, I want to know." he arched his eyebrow at her. "Come, Jeanine, you never had trouble with turning a phrase before." Eric taunted. "Why don't you just tell me?"

"Eric, you know I trust you most of all people." Jeanine started and Eric had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. The only time compliments ever came out of the mouth of Jeanine Matthews was when she was trying to manipulate or distract. Eric cared for her, but he didn't let his care blind him. "But if word came out that I told you anything before the files become available to you, I would be in trouble with Candor, Amity and Abnegation."

Yeah right. He didn't buy for one second that she was afraid of trouble with the other factions. She had never cared before. Hell, just two years ago she had wanted Dauntless' help to overthrow Abnegation and with it it's government. Not that Dauntless had given in to that wish.

Hell, Dauntless was an army, not a hitman you could rent. Dauntless was there to protect the citizens against all evil, not become it.

It had been the first time Jeanine and he had been in a fight and it was in the same year as the divergent shit around Uriah as well. Needless to say, ever since, things had become a bit strained between him and his aunt.

And now she had been purposefully not telling him something and tried to blame it on other factions she held no respect for – not that Eric did, but that was beside the point.

No, if she wanted to bullshit him she would have to put in more effort than this pathetic try.

"Jeanine, stop offending me with shit like that. You are not afraid of losing the good opinion of any of those factions, so stop beating around the bush and come out with it."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You seem particularly caring for this girl."

Seriously, not _this_ again.

"Enough! This is becoming shamelessly insulting! Trying to avert the subject, like that… Just _how stupid_ do you think I am?" He bellowed and for the first time actually shouted at her.

The beep at the heart rate monitor of Oliver went slightly up in frequency, Eric quickly reigned in his anger. Sometimes comatose people could still pick up things from their surroundings, even if they couldn't respond to them.

Jeanine opened her mouth to say something, but Eric cut her off with a warning stare that told her not to bullshit him again. He was done with whatever it was she was hiding from him on purpose. If she wanted to play it secretive, well, _too fucking bad_ , he wasn't about to let her.

"But…"

 _"_ _Please, don't." He_ sneered aggressively, effectively cutting her off. "Let's just say, Dauntless wants to know." His eyes conveying to her that she didn't have a choice if she still wanted Dauntless as an ally.

Jeanine laughed bitterly. She needed Dauntless as an ally. Amity had never liked Erudite – and visa versa, Candor had seen enough questionable court cases of Erudites breaking the law and Abnegation, well, lets just say that Erudite was not particularly being friendly towards them lately, since Jeanine was trying to overthrown Abnegation as a government.

In short, she needed Dauntless and they both knew it.

She could call him on his bluff, but then Eric would make sure it wasn't anymore.

She had no choice than to tell him.

"Well played, Eric." She said stiffly, a small smile at the tip of her mouth. In Jeanine's book this meant she was thoroughly irritated.

She sighed deep before starting her explaination.

"Emma came to me, many years ago, offering me a spectacular opportunity in researching divergents. She had been intrigued by them after meeting a few in person and wanted to know if the aptitude of parents had influence on divergence at all. Going through her plan of research, I was quite impressed. I put up a team for her and she was allowed to research different kids from different factions with different aptitude-parents all throughout the city - all short-thermed and in secret of course. Emma herself contributed to her own research by producing a kid of each aptitude father. One of Candor, One of Dauntless, one of Erudite, one of Abnegation, one of Amity and one factionless divergent who's name she refused to mention."

Well, Emma was through and through Erudite, that's for sure. Eric knew how it was to have parents who were ready to sell of their babies in the name of research, but to actually _produce_ them _in the hope_ they were fit for _slaughter_ was really an ethical border too far, even for an Erudite.

"What did she get in return?"

"Resources. A team, money, purpose, a chance to use her brain... you name it."

"An you got in exchange updates of her research." Eric stated suspicious. It didn't sound like enough, there must be another catch. Looking at the pale boy in front of him, Eric knew. Of course.

"And the kids." He stated. "You got updates and the kids, to perform some alternative forms of research on I take it."

Jeanine nodded.

"Kids are easy to read and thus it's easy to determine whether or not they are a divergent. The older you get, the more complex the brain works, the more persistent the divergence is but also the will to survive for the person in question. They will lie and adapt, act the way that is expected instead of being true to who they are. I was always a step behind and when two years ago the law changed, it even got harder for me to research. The age from 16 to 18 is a vital one, people tend to get more secure and confident after age 16. It's nearly impossible now to find divergents these days. Emma's kids were priceless to me. The lack of difficult parents to sue my ass or start investigating the whereabouts of their kids enabled me to do research on possible divergents earlier on in their lives than normally would've been possible. They truly were the best research project on divergents I ever had so far and now it is all ruined."

"Aw, poor you." Eric pouted in mock. His voice flat and emotionless.

Jeanine sighed and shook her head.

"No need for such bias, Eric. You know how dangerous divergents are. Besides, it has never even come to that. We had to wait until Katharina had had her Choosing Ceremony, thanks to _Bryan Parson._ " She spat out his name.

So, this had been the _real_ reason she had wanted to sue him: Revenge, anger and hatred.

Eric barked out a laugh.

Judge Parson… what a figure.

Knowingly and unknowingly being the biggest pain in the ass Jeanine Matthews had ever known.

Eric had to hand it to him, _quite impressive_ , because she had _many._

It made so much sense. The 'non-difficult parents' part Jeanine had been talking about was of course true for five out of six kids. Sure, they all had a mother who was willing to hand them over to Jeanine on a silver platter and he was pretty sure that none of the fathers even knew they had a kid. Except for Katharina, that is. Bryan Parson knew and if his daughter wouldn't have showed up at the Choosing Ceremony, questions would have been raised.

Likewise, if Keena's siblings had started to disappear without her, she would've raised hell to get them back.

So, they had waited until Keena could be kindly removed from out of the picture.

But then they had died before that ever even was possible. Or had they?

Suddenly, Eric's eyes snapped to Jeanine.

"Jeanine…?" He asked in a dangerously low voice. "What happened to the other siblings that have disappeared from Keena's file?" His eyes brooked no argument.

Jeanine looked confused for a second before understanding dawned onto her.

"Please Eric, don't be daft. I have them not." She scoffed. "Give me a little credit, will you. I would be more discrete than make a bloodbath spectacle out of it." She could barely hide her irritation.

In a way, Eric was disappointed.

Not because he hoped that his aunt had had the chance to experiment on some underaged kids, but because his last bit of hope that the kids were alive and well - and this was actually all one big misunderstanding - had disappeared with Jeanine's answer.

"What happened?" Eric asked, more to himself than Jeanine as he looked upon the emaciated boy.

"I honestly don't know, nor do I care." Jeanine answered coldly.

It remained silent for a little bit. It was at moments like this that Eric found it hard to believe he and Jeanine were family. He was a hot-headed sadist, she a cold-blooded psychopath. From the two evils, at least he was the one with feelings and emotions, even if he tried to hide them for the outside world.

"Why are you erasing the existence of the siblings in all citizen documentation?" He asked eventually, he saw something flash in Jeanine's eyes that made him quickly add; "And don't even try to tell me this isn't true. I'm not feeling much for playing a cat-and-mouse game for answers."

Seriously, one more untruth and he was going to order some truth serum from Candor and shove it down Jeanine's throat.

Jeanine sighed defeated.

"Believe it or not, _that_ was on behalf of Amity and Candor."

"Oh, no. You must have been so upset." Eric deadpanned. "To have the kids you were planning to research on, daftly be erased from existence, giving you full command of their lives."

Jeanine sighed, folding her hands neatly in each other in front of her. A sign she was getting frustrated.

 _Good._

Let _her feel_ something for a change.

"Need I remind you that the only thing _I_ got out of it was this broken one?" She indicated her head to Oliver. "What an asset he is. As good as dead and even if he survives he's pretty much useless. I'm only keeping him alive for another half year, but after a year in coma the chances that he will awake relatively unharmed are pretty much nonexistent. Results would't be valid after that. He'd be useless."

Eric wanted to shout not to talk about the kid like that, especially not when he was present. But he did not have that luxury today, or ever for that matter. He had to pick his battles carefully, Jeanine's patience was already wearing off.

Instead he took one last look on Oliver's weak and weary face, before indicating to Jeanine to follow him out of the room.

"Then why would Candor and Amity want to erase existance?" He hissed as soon as the door closed behind them.

"They broke the law. Well, Candor did. Granted it was because I forced them too, but no need to get into those details."

Eric started coughing.

 _Candor_ broke the law?

 _What the actual fuck?_

His face must've shown his perplexity, as Jeanine started answering his unspoken question.

"When Katharina woke up in the hospital, she woke up with 'global amnesia', which is a fugue state in which the traumatized person experiences sudden loss of personal identity. She had no idea who she was or what had happened whatsoever. It is a very rare form of pshychogenic amnesia which usually resolves over time on its own. But at that time already three kids had died. Everyone involved wanted answers as soon as possible. So, I might have encouraged Katharina's assigned lawyer – it was a crime investigation after all – to shot her with the truth serum in hopes she would recall her memories a bit sooner than otherwise…"

"But it was without consent." Eric stated, understanding why Candor would want to keep it a secret. If there was no case of four - possibly soon five - dead kids, there was no crime to investigate and without an investigation there was no chance this indiscretion would ever come to light. And how explain four to five missing kids? Right, erase them from existence at all.

But why inject with the truth serum in the first place, if after you had to cover it up so severely?

It was utterly cumbersome to say the least.

"Didn't it work?"

"Please, of course, it did." Jeanine sounded aloof. "I'm never wrong about such things. The only thing standing in the way of success was Katharina herself. She was not in her right mind anymore after that. The screams and riddles and aggressive reflexes… You should have seen it. There was no way of talking to the girl. We got no answers except the hinting of her uncle as the big spectacle-maker of that unfortunate day."

Ah.. so _that's why_ they had to cover it up. Their 'tiny indiscretion' had become a severe problem with the addition of a mentally disturbed screaming victim.

Also... Spectacle-maker? That sure was a synonym for 'murderer' Eric'd never heard before.

"So, what about Amity?" Eric asked. "No, wait. Let me guess." Eric grunted, already knowing what had happened. "They 'helped' her by injecting her with peace-serum."

"For 2 months to be exact." Jeanine grinned bitterly.

At least he still had that in common with Jeanine: They both looked down on the peace serum of Amity.

 _Bunch of junks._

For a moment, Eric recognized the woman that had been there for him in times of need. For just this very second, she seemed humane and actually with the ability to _feel._ Even if that feeling was mere resentment towards Amity.

Jeanine quickly fucked up the moment, however.

"They kept her in isolation too, which messed up my monitoring her divergence, but alas, she would've been crazy at that time anyway. Drugged up and suffering from a severe case of PTSD. Now is a way better time to do research on her."

" _If_ she is divergent." He reminded her.

They walked back to the head entrance of the compound in silence, both lost in thought.

"Still allies then, I take?" Jeanine managed a small smile as they entered the entrance hall. "I have to say, you played it hard. When did my nephew get so ruthless?" She meant it like a tease, but Eric could only find reprimand in it.

He snapped his affirmation and said his goodbye before walking off towards the trains.

After days of being away from home and having found out a story like this, he was completely drained emotionally. He needed to clear his head and ponder on his newfound revelations in silence except for the sound of his fists pounding into something.

He could only hope the punching bag would be the first thing he'd come across back at Dauntless, because any other motherfucker coming onto his path now would be getting hell from him.


	21. Chapter 21: Resisting Eric

**Dear lovely readers,**

 **I'm so, so sorry updating has been taking so long lately.  
I promise you, I have been writing ****a lot** **, the only problem is that I've been writing chapters for further down the storyline.**

 **I've never been good at writing in a chronological order. My mind always has and always will be way too messy for that.**

 **What sucks is that I have to admit, that my inspiration for this part of the story, has currently been totally lost in the process. Maybe I'll come back and change these chapters when I feel inspired again but for now you just have to make do with it as it is. I just didn't want to let you to wait too long for another update.**

 **Better chapters will be coming soon, I promise! And since I wrote a lot of them, I will be faster with updating as well!**

 **Also, I have by now changed the rating into M.** **It's just easier not to give warnings every time some smut comes, which will be more often from now on.**

 **If there are readers interested in a smut-free version, let me know in the reviews and maybe I'll post a smut-free version of the story (if fanfiction lets me, with all their stupid plagiarism rules, that is).**

 **Let me know what** **you think!**

 **Lots of love and enjoy!**

 **EPOV**

The past three days back in Dauntless had been solely spend in his office, catching up on the stack of paperwork that had been growing in his absence. Normally he hated paperwork, but for these past few days it had been the best excuse not to show up at other places that contained 'people'. His mood had been extremely snappy and having other people around would only make it worse. Hell, evens Max's head popping around his doorpost made him almost lose his cool.

He had been pondering on his newfound revelations non-stop. Which was something that both caused, as spurred on his foul mood.

It was an impasse really.

What made it worse was that it was directly going against one of his own life-rules: The way he saw it was that if he couldn't change something, he was not to dwell on it either. It was useless and stupid. What was done was done, so, move on and progress to something new and better.

He had always stood and lived by that rule. So, why couldn't he just stop dwelling now? He was frustrated and angered by the dwelling itself, of course, but in all honesty, the fact that he couldn't even answer that particular question angered him more than the actual fact of him dwelling on something.

Still - and unlike Martha's prediction - he had no regret in knowing about Keena's past. Yes, it angered him, both because he was dwelling on the newfound information, as well because something in him was rather violent at the thought of Keena being treated badly. Still, he was glad he knew nonetheless.

What he wasn't glad about was Keena's present state. It just didn't sit well with him that she didn't remember what had happened and who had died. In his experience, ignorance was never bliss. It was living a fairytale-lie rather than facing the painful truth and it didn't help solving troubles at hand.

So, normally, when encountering people who persisted in remaining ignorant- like the entirety of Amity -, he would force them to face facts, but things weren't quite that simple right now.

He knew Keena was at least on this aspect of the same mind as him. Just like him, she prefered t he ugly truth over a pretty lie, and yet he couldn't just tell her the truth. She wasn't consciously blocking out facts like an annoying little Amity would.

No, she had in fact little to none influence over her ignorance at hand; it was all to blame on her subconscious that was trying to protect her from a trauma.

So, what was he to do? He could hardly walk up to her and be like 'oh and by the way, your siblings have been murdered and you were there but can't remember shit.'

No, if - in time - a moment would reveal itself in which he got the perfect opportunity to tell her, he would take it, but he wouldn't force it. Forcing Keena to remember her trauma untimely hadn't had the desired effect last time they had tried to either.

He would be a fool to get involved in a similar process.

Besides, just because he now knew the truth didn't give him the right to actively decide how things were to play out and who was to know when. He wasn't some god with the authority to decide such things and neither was he a kid that had just found out Santa wasn't real and was just dying to tell somebody out of giddiness.

So, he guessed he would just let time run its course.

Besides, he couldn't tell Keena anything without telling her how he knew, which Martha had begged him not to do. And for some reason, he had already made up his mind to listen. After all, Martha had had a valid point: Keena had a life long list of reasons not to trust people and adding to that list would do her no good especially not when re-facing her trauma.

Finishing his last bit of paperwork, he made his way through the compound, once again carefully picking out the hallways that were usually empty. He still really couldn't deal with people right now. He was just about to take another corner when he heard voices and immediately spun on his heels, but then Keena's voice made him stop mid-turn. His mind told him to be smart and make a run for it, but his body relucted to listen. It was as if his body was addicted to her and could or would not continue without at least one good shot.

"No! I've had it with you!" He heard Keena yell. "Stop blaming your fucking weaknesses on my strengths. Only cowards would stoop so low."

Eric couldn't stop his lips from forming the small smile that emerged and for some odd reason his chest heaved with pride.

 _Feisty as always._ That was his girl.

Wait _what? His_ girl?

Where did _that_ come from.

Annoyed with his own current thoughts he finally managed to convince his body to turn when Keena came in view and bumped into him.

Instantly everything went wind-still.

All of his anger, frustration and confusement from the past few days ebbed away as he took in her fiery eyes and full lips that were currently pressed into a thin unamused line.

She was livid.

Beautifully so.

Remembering her loving and kind side as shown in the picture, he realized that this feisty side of her was definitely real too. No fraud could convey _that_ much passion in her eyes. The girl in front of him was nearly bursting with frustration and needed to unleash it.

Yes, it was just as real and thorough as the love for her siblings, only different.

Eric had thought seeing her would be somehow changed, now he had both slept with her and knew about her past. The mystery surrounding her should have disappeared by now, but strangely enough, it really hadn't. Looking at her he felt no different than looking at her eight days ago. No, the only thing that had changed was his grown respect for her.

Unlike his rule about 'dwelling', Eric was glad to note he still didn't 'do' the emotion 'pity'.

It was an emotion just as useless and unproductive as regret. No scrap that. It was _even worse_ than regret, as it was the same unproductive sentiment only on account of somebody else's misery instead of your own.

He was glad not to find this believe suddenly altered too just because he found out he… uh, well… allegedly _'cared'_ for her. – Dear god, was this actually happening? Well, at least with the quotation marks it refrained from getting too personal, even if it was only in his own mind.

Nevertheless, his plan had failed. He had convinced himself that he was only interested in het mystery. That he just wanted to know more about the closed off girl with her walls so high he had often doubted he would ever get a chance on looking beyond. And no matter how much he hated to admit it, even with all this new information, he found that he still hadn't managed to do just that. How was it that he knew so much about her life before she came to Dauntless and he still felt he didn't know her at all, couldn't anticipate her and craved more knowledge? How was it that he had _slept_ with her and she still managed to spark his interest?

Scrap sparking interest, she arrogated _all of it_. He was even more obsessed with her now as he had been eight days ago, and it was for that exact reason he had decided not to show his face during trainings just yet. He needed to sort out his annoyingly weird emotions before they forced him to be rash.

Eric hated being rash.

Well, he loved it when he was angry. Hitting something – or even better; _somebody_ – seriously gave some satisfaction. But other than that, diplomatically speaking, discretion was the greater part of valor.

Anyhow, Eric had been desperately trying to procrastinate seeing her again, and now said girl was looking at him with those big green doe-like eyes of hers. And to make matters worse, those eyes just spoke of uncontrollable fire. Passionate rage. It completely knocked the wind out of him. She had always been beautiful but this was downright sexy.

Unconsciously, he opened his mouth, about to say something to prevent further awkward staring, but she cut him off before he even had the chance.

Worked for him, he hadn't been quite sure _what_ to say anyway.

"Let me stop you right there, bud. Whatever taunt, sneer, insult, order or question is just dying to come out. Don't."

Well, well, well. Look who just grew some major balls during his absence. Cute.

Wait. She could not talk to him, _a leader_ , like that, even if it amused him.

"And what-"

"It wasn't a suggestion or warning, Eric. For once take a fucking order yourself." With that she angrily brushed passed him and stormed off.

Eric watched her go flabbergasted. Nope, there was no way in hell, this side of her was even a little bit fake. When she was completely out of sight he laughed out loud.

This girl kept amazing him.

And for the first time since she left his apartment, he felt actually happy again.

He desperately needed more of that. Too long had he been looking at the walls of his dull office or at Jeanine's even duller demeanor. Too long since he felt even remotely close to content. And all it took, apparently, was one little one-sided conversation from her for him to feel… Well, _something_ again. Even if he couldn't quite describe the feeling, it was a good one, a _great_ one, one he needed more from.

Before he realized what was happening, his feet were carrying him down the hallway into the direction she had disappeared.

 _Where in hell was his self-control?_

 **KPOV**

A frustrated growl.

That was all he allowed her to exclaim before turning around again, dragging her behind him.

She had been so, _so_ proud standing up to both Jasper and Eric like that. She had _felt so_ powerful, _so_ dauntless. Elated to act out like a bad-ass for once and walking away like that, no fucks given.

She had been _so, so stupid._

 _Of course_ , she wouldn't get away with talking big to Eric like that.

No more than two hallways down and Eric's big shadow had popped up next to her. Not that she had needed it. She could feel his presence from a mile away. That guy had some serious aura, very befitting his authoritative personality.

No time for pleasantries he grabbed her arm and yanked her into some random room, pushing – no, _slamming_ \- her immediately back against the door and pressing himself into her.

Before Keena could comprehend what was happening, his lips were on her own and his tongue forced its way inside, no time for asking entrance. Warm and tingling sensations shot through her entire body and what happened next was totally unexplainable:

 _She desperately complied_.

She was overwhelmed with the smell and feel of him as their tongues battled for dominance. The kiss was raw, needy, _real_. As if both had been craving each other's touch for ages.

Which they _hadn't_. That would be ridiculous. They didn't even _like_ each other.

And yet, Keena was relishing in his touch, his warmth, his smell and just like her, Eric became needier as well. His hands drifted from her hips to her ass and he grabbed her, lifting her up against the door before pressing in to her once again.

Keena of course happily obeyed by swinging her legs around his hips, all too glad about the sensation of his hardening shaft pressing against her quickly forming wetness.

Her left hand grabbed the back of his neck while her other found its way into the collar of his sweater, hungrily scratching the skin in a desperate attempt to feel closer to him.

His hands started kneading her ass and she started to move up and down, hoping the friction would form some sort of release of the building pressure in her core. More. She needed more.

Eric growled in appreciation, nibbling on her lips before kissing down her cheek towards her neck, biting hard down on it while simultaneously pressing his now full-on hard cock even more into her.

Keena moaned.

Loud.

And it was that moan that had her snap out of her daze and back to reality.

 _What the fuck was she doing_?

It took her a second to extract her hands from his neck and she slapped him in the face hard.

"What the actual fuck do you think you're doing?" She managed, gasping for air.

Eric looked confused himself before taking a step back, wanting to lift her down but Keena had no time to wait for that and she quickly jumped off of him as if she'd been burned by his touch. She slowly backed away, her eyes scanning the room, searching for a way to escape.

She needed to get the hell away from Eric. Too easily did he make her lose control.

"You slap like an Amity. It's pathetic." Eric told her, before eyeing her curiously. "You're scared." It wasn't a question. Eric stood up, his lip twitching into a small smirk.

Good question. Why was she scared?

"Am not." She told him defiantly, not wanting him to find any more joy in the situation.

Not that it helped. Eric's smirk grew bigger as he neared. Keena responded by backing away even more and more until she found her back pressed against a wall.

"Stop that." She ordered him, while Eric blatantly laughed at her. "What the fuck makes you think you can kiss me like that?" She asked him angrily.

For a second it looked like Eric was taken aback himself before that ever-infuriating grin spread on his face once again.

"I felt like it." He said cockily, eying her curiously. "Don't feel special, dear, you just happen to be the first person I came across."

For a second that statement kind of hurt, but she quickly pushed the thought away.

She couldn't care less about Eric's slutty ways… Right?

Suddenly a comical vision clouded her mind and had her grinning: What if she had just walked the other way instead? The thought of Eric bumping into Jasper instead… in need of a kiss… Her grin became a full-on bare-teeth smile, lightning up her entire face.

"What?" Eric sneered, eyes narrowing as they took in her mirth.

 _Ha, not so fun when the tables are turned, is it?_

She simply shook her head, knowing Eric wouldn't found the thought amusing.

"Nothing." She said, heading for the door, but before she could he grabbed arm again.

"Not so quick, Amity." Eric taunted from behind, yanking her against him.

In an instant all of her mirth had disappeared, once again replaced by the irritation and frustration she had had before - now even inflamed by confusement: She didn't understand why she had reacted the way on Eric as she had.

"You don't really think I'd let you get away with slapping me in my face, do you?" He sneered in her ear. "No, no. You're coming with me." He slid one finger down her throat.

She stiffened, and he seemed to realize this, quickly removing his finger from her throat, and for a moment Keena was grateful but quickly that gratefulness disappeared as he yanked her behind him towards the door, almost making her trip and fall.

"Stop manhandling me." She yelled as she pulled her arm free from his grip. Her voice had been dangerously low and even to her own ears it sounded foreign and detached.

Eric, however, seemed incredibly pleased with her reaction. As if he had been hoping for it.

 _Filthy narcissist._

Ignoring her protest, he once again grabbed her arm – Seriously, this was getting old – and yanked her behind him into the hallway. Keena cocked her head to the side, narrowing her eyes as she took in his person. "Where are we going?"

"I guess you'll find out, won't you?" Eric told her patronizingly. She rolled her eyes and tried to escape his grip, but it was pointless: He was entirely unfazed by her struggles and protest against him.

Not that that withhold her from trying.

And so, for the next few unknown hallways, that would be the position she found herself in: Her ranting on about him manhandling her and him giving no fucks and continuing to do so, staring off all the people they passed by in their way.

Every one of those bystanders looked at her in the same pitiful way. As if to say 'Ai, sorry girl. You're on your own with this one."

 _Cowards._

Walking into some more secluded corridors again, Eric suddenly stopped in front of some big double doors. Releasing her arm to open them with a key he extracted from his pocket, Keena contemplated on running off.

Having a quick inner debate with herself, she concluded to do _just that_ , valuing her life over her pride infinitely more. In all honesty, Eric did scare her sometimes and this was one of those rare occasions.

Making way to leave, Eric taunted her.

"Stay put, initiate. I don't appreciate cowards. Or _fake ones_."

Seriously this guy had eyes in the back of his head. Wait… 'fake coward'? In Eric's book that was as close to a compliment as you could get. She'd celebrate that later. That is, if she was to survive what was about to come.

Not wanting to give away she had been planning to run away, Keena scoffed.

"Like I'd ever give up an opportunity to spend time with you." Keena shot back coyly, her words dripping with sarcasm. She managed to sound brave but inside she was slightly wavering.

This only intensified when the doors opened, revealing a big room filled with a bunch of stuff but the only thing catching her eye were the two hanging ropes dangling from the ceiling.

Hanging ropes.

What. On. Earth.

 _"_ _No._ No fucking way, Eric. You can't be serious."

Eric, who turned to look at her, looked confused for a moment before chuckling softly.

"You're laughing at me!" Both of her hands flew to her face out of frustration, slowly dragging them down from her forehead to her cheeks as another throaty roar escaped her mouth in frustration.

Eric's eyes lingered on her lips for a second. "Correct."

"You're an asshole."

Just after uttering the words she internally cringed. She was _really not_ helping her case.

"You say it like you've only just started noticing this rather signature personality trait of me." He grinned.

Her eyes snapped to him, looking for any signs of him taking a jest. Was he actually letting her get away with it? It couldn't be.

Something was up.

"So, what are we doing here?" her question came out slow, being careful not to wake the sleeping dragon but still voicing her suspiciousness.

Eric grinned wickedly in response.

Well, at least someone was amused.

 _Asshole._

The thing was, that in his own special Eric-standards kind of way, he was being extremely friendly. This was not only disconcerting considering the way she had talked to him earlier – not to mention slapped him – but also and especially because so far, the only few times she had seen Eric being something _akin_ to friendly, it always had been right before something _incredibly violent_ happened.

One time he even forced an initiate to hang over the Chasm.

Thus, him being not mad right now, only meant that something was up.  
Something was very, _very_ wrong.

"Get in." Eric ordered, his eyes conveying that there was no room for disobedience.

Keena looked at him unbelievingly, but stepped into the room nonetheless. Her rational mind told her he couldn't really plan on killing her. And if he did, she was sure it would be with his bare hands, not a rope.

The sound of the door closing behind her made her jump around, just in time to see Eric closing it behind him.

"What are we doing here?" She repeated her question and thank god, her voice actually sounded confident.

Eric simply responded by grabbing her arm and pulling her towards the other end of the room, where the ground was covered with fighting mats. She hated that he kept persisting to manhandle her but she hated the tingling feelings she got from his touch even more.

Well, at least she wouldn't feel much anymore soon anyhow, as it looked like he was going to kill her with his bare hands after all.

Eric pushed her roughly onto one of the mats and she fell.

 _Ever. So. Gracelessly._

Like the real deal, face-hitting-ground-first kind of gracelessly.

"Oef, fuck!" She whined as Eric started laughing behind her. "What the hell Eric!" If she could spit fire, she would've done it right then and there, grilling Eric like a piece of meat.

And what a _fine_ piece of meat he was.

 _No._ Focus, Keena. _Focus._

"Get up. In position" Eric ordered and walked to stand in position himself. He even went as far as rolling up the sleeves of his sweater, his muscular forearms now clearly visible, _distractingly so._

"You want me to fight you?" Keena scoffed disbelievingly. He couldn't be serious.

"Yes."

"Why? So, you and your big-boy muscles can show me just how infinitely stronger you are? No thanks, I'd rather live when dinner is served in a few." She turned to leave but before her feet could even take as much as one step, Eric's hand grabbed her arm – _yet, again_ – and spun her back around.

"Stop manhandling me!" She sneered – _also AGAIN -_ all of her fright turning into anger within a second. She really was sick of it, him in general, Jasper. All of them.

"Then fight me."

Her hands were tingling. She wanted too. She really wanted to punch something or somebody and release all the frustration, but she was still smart enough _not_ to pick _Eric_ for that. It would have the opposite effect.

"Absolutely not. I'd rather have the ropes." She indicated her head backwards. "Yes. In fact, let's do the ropes. I imagine it to be a far less painful dead." She barked out a bitter laugh.

"Those aren't _hanging_ ropes, little Amity. Those are sport rings made out of rope. Because we like to be prepared for all possible ways of lifting, no matter the painful fabric." He gestured around the room.

"These are _all_ training objects made out of painful fabrics, to help us dealing with less than perfect situations. It's not something for beginning stage of training, that's why we don't train with them during initiation, but you didn't really think that those two training rooms the initiate groups train in are the only two we have here in Dauntless, now did you?"

 _Why so fucking reprimanding Eric?_ She wasn't an _imbecile._

Although, granted, she had thought it were hanging ropes. But please, you should've seen the things, nine hands could fit into those 'training rings'.

But the rest... Although she hadn't exactly pondered on there being more training rooms, _if_ she had she would've come to the same conclusion, because another explanation meant that the whole of Dauntless wasn't able to train for months during initiation because some poor new ones were taking up all the space.

And that just wasn't logical.

So, she was quite sure she would've come up with there being more training rooms if she would've been given the chance to think about it in the first place.

And this made her mad as Eric implicated differently and for some unexplainable reason Keena really couldn't stand the idea of Eric thinking she was even remotely stupid in any way.

He was the first person she'd come across who intellectually challenged her and kept doing so. Him small-talking her was just unbearably exasperating.

"I can hear the wheels turning from here. Are you sure you weren't Erudite? Or no, _Amity,_ they tend to be more gullible."

"Fuck off, Eric!"

He grinned wickedly. "Or else?"

Why was he persisting on being such an asshole today? Like, _more than his usual_ amount anyway.

Which, admittedly, was _quite_ the accomplishment.

Still, she was out of his depth with him. There was literally no way in hell she could fight this guy. Or she could but then she would suffer from wounded pride and literally everything else physically speaking.

He would crush her.

This was the guy she had had sex with for hours in one night. At one point he had even lifted her up from the ground and started fucking her without a wall or closet to share her weight with. If that didn't speak of both his stamina and his strength, Keena didn't know what would.

There was just no way she would win from _that._ She had good reflexes, but starting a fight was just not her cup of tea.

Normally, she would simply stare people off. It seemed to work most of the time, hell, even Jasper had shrunk back multiple times before because of it. Although, she didn't do it too often - usually enjoying a good fight or debate -, when she did, it always worked.

On everybody _but_ Eric, of course.

Whether it was because he literally just didn't give a shit about anything or because she lost her focus because of his ice blue eyes, she did not know.

Maybe a little bit of both.

 _Damn him_ and his mesmerizing eyes. Why did he still have such an effect on her? She didn't understand it. He was an asshole psychologically speaking and physically he was supposed to be out of her system now she had slept with him. She was also very much sober now, and off-morphine again, so why feel the things she did? Why had she felt so incredibly happy that morning when she had walked out of the door.

Alright, granted, turning Eric's offer for coffee down had been awesome: Eric's dropped face had been totally worth all the protesting coffee-craving cells in her body. But still, she had felt content for the entire day.

What she had been trying to block out however, was the disappointment she had felt when she didn't see him at breakfast, lunch or dinner that day or the next seven days after. Nor did he show up at training.

It was not like she _wanted_ to sit with him or even talk to him, nor did she need anything from him and she probably wouldn't even have looked his way if he _had_ been there, but the fact that he hadn't... For some reason it had made her anxious and incredibly sad.

Which were emotions bound to get her mad.

Lashing out at Jasper the way she had today hadn't been a coincidence. She had felt utterly frustrated for the entire week. And for what? A cruel leader that suddenly seemed to have disappeared from earth?

The other initiates had been _celebrating_.

 _As they should_.

So why hadn't she?

She was mad and frustrated with the man in front of her, but even more so with herself and feeling the things she did.

"Or what, Amity?" Eric taunted.

 _Were they really back at 'Amity'-level again?_ She scowled and stepped closer to him, fisting her hands as she looked at him angrily.

Eric only laughed in return, making her want to scream and poke her fingers into his eyes.

"Empty promises don't suit you, Amity. How about you fight me, instead?"

Another almost-compliment?  
 _Did someone disturb the balance of the universe?_

She was thrown off for a second, but quickly realized that was _exactly_ what he wanted. For a big muscular man like him, a small and angry girl like herself was nothing short of amusing. He was provoking her on purpose, hoping to get her pissed off enough for her to snap and _hit_ him.

But why?

She searched his eyes for answers but found none. Per usual he held his emotions guarded from the outside world.

"I'm no Amity and try as you might, I'm not going to snap, you know." She told him defiantly.

"You're lying."

"Am not."

"So, _you_ think. We have truth-serum in the basement, feel free to go get it at any second."

"Asshole."

"What was that? Didn't quite catch that."

"Nothing."

"Oh no, do tell."

"Go away."

"No."

"Can I leave?"

"You don't want that."

"Yes, _I do_!"

"Be a doll and go get that truthserum."

Keena let out a primal growl. She was not quick to lose her temper, but it appeared Eric awoke all sorts of beasts inside of her. Beasts she hadn't known she possessed.

It was _by far_ the most _unintelligent_ fight she had ever participated in too - No, not seen. Two girls in the bus to school once fought about who's hair smelled more like strawberry. Sniffing each other's locks while getting Amity-mad. Jup, that had been a level _all on its own_.

"Sounds to me like you are getting frustrated. Fight me. It'll help." He raised an eyebrow, causing his piercings to lift along with it.

He hit her in her stomach then, full power too, making her gasp for air. Before she could fully catch up on it, he tried to hit her another time, but this time she anticipated it and jumped out of the way.

And then he tried again.  
And again.  
And again.

 _Thank god for her reflexes._

She really did not want to fight Eric, - or well, wanted to but _couldn't_ \- especially since she'd seen his muscles underneath his shirt. They might have been fucking sexy in bed but during a fight it was simply terrifying.

Besides, her fighting tactic was to wait until someone wavered. And however hard she tried to spot it, she never saw Eric stammer, waver or falter in any way.

Until that happened, she would have to play it on defense only.

And so, for the next few minutes, Eric tried to fight her again and again and – to her chagrin – succeeded more often than not. Her reflexes always had been sharp and fast, but he was both too. Plus, right now she _might_ , _perhaps, possibly_ be _a little_ distracted with the man in front of her. His physique and strength impressing her too much to focus on his movements.

Still, there ended up being a pattern in his attacks and her saves, making it a good way to clear her mind of all negative feelings she had been experiencing lately. But the moment she relaxed, inappropriate memories of the both of them started to cloud her thoughts.

She grew more and more frustrated as the fight continued, every time he managed to hit her or slam her into the ground was just a blow to her ego, but she also found him incredibly sexy as he did so which angered her even more.

Maybe she could ride him while slapping his face black and blue? That be fun. Well, both fun and slightly disturbing, that is.

Great, she was now turned on while he tried to kill her.

Absolutely fucking amazing.

Okay, he did _not_ _really_ try to kill her. But she still hadn't figured out why he wanted her to fight him so badly, and until she did she would prepare for the worst.

Drama-queen much? Totally. At least where Eric was concerned.

Her current thoughts had her wavering and Eric slammed her into the ground. _Sigh. Yet_ _again._ She let out yet another frustrated groan. Her frustration was barely containable anymore. It grew and grew with every missed hit and every smirk Eric threw her way.

 _Show_ - _off_.

Although, she had to admit, every time he slammed her into the ground, he gave her the sweet time to get back up, no matter how long she took. And as the fight progressed, she started to notice more and more tells of how much he was holding back, which, by the looks of it, wasn't just a little.

Not that she thought he hadn't been holding back before, but she suddenly realized the amount of it and hell, it seriously looked as if he wasn't even trying anymore. At all.

For some reason, this didn't make her feel glad but angry. She could handle more! She wasn't a baby.

"Why are you holding back?" She yelled at him frustrated. "If you want to punish me, just punish me already and get it over with."

Eric crossed his arms as he sized her up, temporarily giving up the fighting it seemed.

"Yeah, like I'd make your suffering quick. I don't think so initiate. Besides, I'd never give up an opportunity to spend time with you." He taunted, borrowing her own sarcastic words from before. "Also, you would be knocked out within the second if I didn't hold back."

Ugh, why did he insist on wounding her pride.

"Would not!" she huffed, narrowing her eyes at him from afar.

Eric stepped closer and smirked.

"Please. _You_ don't even believe that."

"You're a mind-reader now? Why didn't you say so?! There's still an empty shop building down the Pitt. Who knows… be ambitious, dream big. It could be a _huge_ success." Keena taunted as Eric stepped closer and closer towards her, eyeing her like a prey.

Why did she insist on being such a smart-mouth again?

 _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

She looked at him through wide-eyes, silently begging him not to do it.

"No-no. No need to get all Bambi on me now." He told her smirking.

In the blink of an eye he had her arms bound behind her back with one hand, slowly dragging a hot finger of his other hand over her cheek, down her throat towards her bellybutton before he hit her in the stomach. That one punch in her gut was all it took for her to see stars. She fell back onto the floor, disoriented and dizzy. _That shit fucking hurt_!

The sound of Eric's retreating footsteps had her turning from her back to her stomach. Blinking a few times to see clearly again, she ran after his retreating person, trying to attack him from behind.

At least _once_ today she wanted to have a good shot at him.

Or that was what she tried to tell herself, not willing to agree with that little voice in her head that was desperate for him not to leave her. Not quite yet.

Before she reached him though, he turned around and in the blink of an eye he had spun her around, her back against his chest with only her arms held between them, forced in a painful angle.

"Did you really think you could surprise me, little one?" He whispered in her ear, sending shivers to her spine as his cheek caressed her head. "I'm very conscious about everything happening around me… _especially_ when it involves _you_." He breathed down her neck as his left hand slipped from between them to her hip, grabbing it possessively while a single finger found its way between her pants and shirt, caressing the soft skin.

Keena couldn't help herself and sucked in some air, suddenly very conscious of every little thing. Eric however seemed to stiffen behind her and quickly took a step back, creating some space between them and breaking the spell Keena found herself under by doing so.

 _One shot_. Her pride demanded one good shot.

In one swift move, Keena turned around and kicked his knee full power. It didn't make him fall – not by a long shot – but it did make him falter. Immediately taking advantage of his short loss of balance she jumped on top of him, making him fall backwards with Keena ending on top of his chest, her legs straddling him.

"How's _that_ for surprise." She grinned down at him. It was weird, really, how she felt so comfortable in the presence of a man everyone seemed so awfully wary around. Initiates and full-members alike.

"Better." Eric told her, making Keena's eyebrows shot up into her hair. "But don't send that goodbye letter to the factionless just yet. You still suck at fighting."

Ah. _That_ was the Eric she knew.

"You sweet-talker." She said coyly, and try as she might, she couldn't stop the smile from forming on her face.

Neither could the smile on _his_ face.

She swore, the way he looked at her next had the planet stop turning. Time stood still as her vision clouded, seeing only his eyes.

They were a shade darker than the usual ice blue she was accustomed to see. And usually, his eyes were malicious, guarded or emotionless. In that case Eric was simply sexy and _sexy_ , she could handle. It was like playing with fire, but in a slightly dangerous but still controllable kind of way.

Like sticking your hand in a bonfire.

Now, however, she found none of those emotions or harmlessness.  
Now, she found two fucking atom bombs staring back at her filled with emotions she was not able - or at least ready - to place.

And what made it worse, was the fact that she couldn't tear her eyes away and _that_ scared the living shit out of her.

His eyes were both enticing and alarming. Despite the danger she was drawn closer to them, craving more of the scary and unknown sensation forming in her stomach. It was the same way he had looked at her during that night in his apartment, but this time there were no drinks – or morphine – involved and their clothes were still on.

It all felt way too personal now. She should run, _would_ run if she could. But there was no way her legs would let her scurry out of the room as her whole body seemed to crave his touch as much as her mind feared it.

She was doomed: Terrified and excited all at once. Needy for his touch while wanting to run for the hills. As her hands rested on his torso she started to feel his heartbeat increase and it was in that moment she was truly doomed.

Her mind lost the inner-debate with the rest of her and she took a ragged breath as her eyes focused on his mouth that was now, just like her own, slightly parted.

She leaned in, closer and closer until her head hovered above his face. She wanted him to kiss her.

 _Why didn't he kiss her?_

And then, in the whim of her cravings, she kissed him instead. _She_ kissed _him_! She'd never indicated the first contact with someone before, not really. She participated greatly in it after it was made, but never before had she be the one to start it.

Not that she had any time to ponder on that, as he started kissing back in what must be called an all-consuming way.

Demanding as ever.

As their tongues slowly wound around each other in a sensual dance, his hands wrapped around her waist. His hands were big; his thumbs nearly reaching her belly button as the rest covered her back. His left hand insisted in pressing her closer into him while his right hand started to move upwards, sliding over the side of her boob before cupping her cheek.

The slow kiss turned more desperate, both clinging to the other as if their lives depended on it.

Keena's hips started moving up and down his hardening shaft, hoping to release some of the building pressure. Eric bit down on her lip appreciatively in response as a soft moan escaped Keena's lips.

Eric growled in response as well, breaking away from their kiss and sucking hard onto the soft skin right above her collarbone. One of his hands was by now grabbing her ass possessively, kneading it softly as he guided her movements over his cock, while his other hand was pulling at her hair, providing entrance to her neck.

Keena's hands started pulling at his sweater and he was quick to pull it off, immediately forcing hers off as well.

Damn. He really was a fine specimen.

The moment her fingers touched his bare skin, her fingertips started tingling with an odd sensation and the only thing she could think was: _More._

 _More, more,_ _more_.

Her nails clutched at his skin as she bit his neck, making Eric growl and he roughly flipped them over. She was now positioned underneath him, his head hovering above her own, while his muscular arms caged in her head.

God they were huge.

He dove back into her neck, kissing and biting her but he kept his hips still.

Eric had her moaning at his touch but the increasing wetness between her legs was begging for some friction. And so, she moved her hips underneath him, using his by now hard cock to get some release as she whimpered.

Eric's lips removed from her neck and he grinned at her knowingly – _arrogant bastard_ \- before his mouth captured hers again. His tongue forced its way into her mouth, as was his custom; without asking entrance. She let it happen and soon they were both battling for dominance, one of his hands came up to cup her cheek, while the other remained possessively at her hips. She pressed her own hip upwards for more friction and the strangled moan escaped her throat as he started to rock his hips.

Eric moved one of his hands between them, sliding his fingers into Keena's pants. Slow circular movements around her clit had Keena's breathing ragged as she closed her eyes.

"Keena." He said. "Open your eyes."

She complied but tried to look anywhere but his eyes, affected enough by the smell and feel of him alone.

Eric chuckled softly. "Keena." He urged, a clear demand hidden in his voice.

She tried not to look at him.  
She tried, she really truly did. But it didn't work.

And so, she complied.

Ugh. She could kill herself. _Weakling_.

Looking him in the eyes, he gave her that one specific look that made her legs buckle and her mind spinning in overdrive. It was then that he slipped two fingers into her wet core, finding her g-spot immediately, hit thumb never stopping the movements on her clit. She saw stars as her resolve crumbled into dust and she let go as her orgasm washed over her, every bit conscious about the fact that Eric was watching her closely.

When she came back to her senses she suddenly snapped back to reality.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _What the hell was she doing? Again?_

She wasn't stupid. She knew Eric had been trying to dig into her mind over the past couple of months. He had watched her to a point akin to stalking. This could all be just another tactic to get to know her. She knew that.

Eric was by far the most intelligent person she had interacted with, if anything her mind needed to be as sharp as ever around him. If not more so.

 _Oh god, where had her mind been?_ She started to panic. She stilled underneath Eric, who stiffened in return.

"Get off of me." She breathed, her voice hoarse.

"I don't think you really want that." Eric told her but rolled off of her nonetheless. Keena tried to block out the knowledge that she was slightly bothered and disappointed by the loss of contact.

"And I don't think you know what I want." She said, gathering her sweater and pulling it quickly over her head.

"And I don't think you do either." Eric told her grinning while standing up.

Obviously, he was amused by the whole situation although Keena could not fathom why. She watched him grab his own sweater, but he didn't put it on.

 _Dear god, let the man put it on_. He was _way_ too distracting without.

"You want to know what I think?" He asked as he walked over to a bench.

"No, not really."

Keena stood up herself and brushed off some imaginary dust from her clothes, very conscious about the fact that Eric was watching her every move. His eyes had zoomed in on her as he sat down on the bench and let his elbows rest on his wide-spread knees.

"I think you're afraid."

"Fascinating." She deadpanned while heading towards the door.

Somehow, Eric managed to get there first, swiftly gliding between her and the door before she could reach for the handle.

"Tut-tut-tut." Eric tsk-ed her. "Not so quick, little one."

In response, Keena cocked an eyebrow and looked at him unimpressed.

"You did _not_ just 'tsk' me." She stated. "I can't even begin to explain how _unintelligent_ that makes you look."

It didn't actually, it was just very reprimanding for her, but if she told him _that_ he would do it more often, so she should play it on his pride to keep him from doing it more often.

She tried to move towards the other of the two double doors, but he simply grabbed her shoulders and spun her around against it, caging her smaller body in with his own bigger one. They were now chest to chest although he was a head bigger than her, so she stood practically eye to eye with his perfect sculptured torso. Keena closed her eyes briefly to sort out the emotions she got.

"There. What you're doing right now, that's exactly what I mean. Closing your eyes to sort out the conflicting emotions and keep your control because you're afraid to let go and do what you actually want to do. Don't worry. I won't tell your little secret."

"What secret?" _What the hell was he talking about?_

"That you actually enjoy it, not being in control. You love it even. Crave it."

"You're wrong. I hate not being in control. Always have."

"So that's why you kissed me? Because you hate it how I dominate you?"

"I did not kiss you!"

"Liar."

"Well, I did not enjoy it! I don't even like you."

Eric simply shook his head, quietly chuckling. "Your mouth says that, but your panties say something completely different."

Keena felt her cheeks flush and tried to escape form Eric's knowing gaze but he held her firmly against the door. She was sure he noticed, but for whatever reason he did not comment on it. Thank god for that.

It also made her wonder why. It was a great opportunity to embarrass her further, why not take it?

"You know what I don't get?" Eric asked her. "Why you are denying it. Why wouldn't you want to grab every chance to kiss me I grant you?"

Keena rolled her eyes, glad for the change in atmosphere. There was no way she could be serious now. For some reasons she didn't quite understand or was sure of herself, she'd always seen Eric's arrogant moments as his playful side.

Which was odd, because nobody else would go there; calling Eric playful.

Like, _ever_.

And yet every time Eric bad-mouthed something awfully prideful, Keena couldn't help but be amused. There was simply no way people could actually have such god-complexes as Eric was pretending to have. It just couldn't be real.

And so, she laughed.

"Yeah, Eric, sure. I fall at your feet for so much as a glance in my direction. Now if you will excuse me… I need to calm myself down by taking a cold shower after these magical minutes in your grand presence."

"I'm glad we see it the same way then."

"Don't turn my joke into truths."

"Don't make truthful jokes then."

Keena growled in frustration _. This man was impossible._

She struggled to get away from him, she could really not deal with all this right now. The strange tingling and fluttering sensation in her stomach was overwhelming.

A sickening feeling. That's what she felt.

"Do I make you feel nervous?" Eric taunted.

"Only nauseous." She shot back. "Eric, let me go."

He seemed to contemplate this for a bit.

"Alright." He sighed.

Keena looked at him unbelievingly, knowing there had to be coming something else.

"For now." He leaned into her, whispering in her ear. "You'll come back for me."

Ah, there it was.

She tried to push his arms out of her way, but it did not bulge. So instead she ducked under his arm and quickly opened the other door. He made no move to stop her so she glanced back at him as he smirked at her, blatantly watching her every move.

She had not dared to protest before, thinking she might never escape him then, but now she was one step away from freedom she found her courage rise once again.

"Don't count on it, Eric. You're nothing I can't get elsewhere."

His looks turned murderous but before he could protest she slipped out of the room. A giant grin on her face the entire way to the Pitt.

 _2-0 for her._


	22. Chapter 22: Troubled Thoughts

**Okay guys, I'm terrible. I promise that I've been writing but (again) just not the chapters I should be doing. But fear not, the part of the story I** ** _have_** **inspiration for will soon begin and I'll be updating a lot from then on!**

 **Thank you all for reading, following, favoriting and reviewing my story. It really gives a boost to write everytime I notice someone liking my story enough to do so. So basically, y'all are helping yourselves ;).**

 **To answer the question of Yuyuxx: I had pictured Keena about 1.62 meter which is about 5'3, Whereas Eric is about 1.90 m. (6'2). Also, there will be a lot more smut starting chapter 24 but for now; patience.**

 **As always, I hope you like it!**

 **KPOV**

"Sorry, I'm late." Keena apologized with a dazzling smile, rushing into the coffeeshop 35 minutes too late.

"What was the hold up?" Alijah asked, standing up and holding out her seat for her. The guy truly was a gentleman, or maybe it was just one of his Erudite quirks he hadn't quite shaken off yet. Either way, it was sweet.

"Please, as if I need a reason for being late. It just comes natural to me." She grinned up at him sheepishly.

"Ah, so you're _that_ type of friend. The one you should tell the party starts at 8pm while in actuality it starts at 9 so they will be there at 9.30 and they can still pull it off as fashionably late."

Keena looked at him quizzically. "I would never show up at parties that start at eight anyway. Sounds like a bore." She teased while managing a straight face as Alijah laughed at her spoiled behavior.

"Still, regardless of what you tell me, you have always been rather punctual the few times we've met up. So, tell me, what was it that caught your attention?"

"Caught? Demanded more like it." Keena mumbled from behind the menu to hide her flustered face as fresh memories made it's way to the surface. Her mind was still foggy from her meeting with Eric - not to mention her panties wet - the last thing she needed was to talk it over with his best freaking friend. She looked intently at the menu, hoping Alijah would let the subject drop.

But of course, the stars had planned no such luck for her today. Or any day for that matter.

"Okay, let me rephrase, then." Alijah smirked. "What _demanded_ your attention?"

She sighed and looked up at him, convying the message that she didn't feel like talking about it with her eyes. Meeting his honestly interested face however she couldn't quite get it over her heart to ignore him.

"Although one can speculate, most would probably define it a 'who' instead of a 'what'." Keena relented. "Mr. high-and-mighty is back."

"Eric?"

"The very one."

"He's back? I just ran into Four, I wonder why he didn't tell me."

"Maybe because he didn't know. Eric wasn't at training. I just ran into him in the hallways."

"What did he want?" Alijah narrowed his eyes as if interrogating her. "Outside of training he can't just order you around you know. Especially not so long to make you 35 minutes late."

"I told you I'm sorry."

"No, I'm not mad at you. Just trying to understand Eric here. He's back and yet no one seems to know and than he -"

"Geez, Alijah. Go ask him yourself. He's _your_ best friend." Keena sighed annoyed.

She wasn't necessarily annoyed with Alijah but more with the subject he seemed keen on discussing: Eric. That guy was making her head spin more than enough, she most certainly didn't feel a particular need to talk about the certain blue-eyed muscleman, or any subject involving him for that matter. It would only confuse her which ultimately made her restless and she just wanted a nice and easy-going evening with a friend.

Besided, anything that had happened between Eric and herself was neither Alijah's business. Luckily, Alijah seemed to take the hint and backed off, focusing instead on the approaching waitress.

The waitress took their order and for the next thirty minutes they chatted happily about insignificant things while occasionally sipping their coffees - Eric was not mentioned again.

By the time Keena and Alijah ordered their second cup of coffee, Zeke walked into the cafe.

"Ah! Just the person I wanted to see." He said, jumping over the back of the chair next to Keena, smoothly landing on it and putting his arm around her.

For the tiniest moment, Keena didn't even notice, so impressed was she with the catlike movement he had just casually made, but as his fingers brushed her upper arm she tensed.

"Kindly remove your arm from my person." She stated flatly, while already gliding away from his arm herself. "At least until after you have introduced yourself." She added with a friendly wink from her newfound safe distance, to take away some of the hostile bite and not come across like a total bitch.

In all honesty, she knew who he was. She had seen him around before, his aura being one that was hard to miss. If she didn't know for sure he was a full Dauntless member, she would've passed him off as an Amity. His bubbly personality seemed fitting enough.

He was tall and handsome, she supposed, though in a charming way instead of sexy. Goofy grin, warm brown eyes, caramel skin color and a short black afro hairdo. Overall, he seemed like a fun and – dare she say – kind guy.

He had also been the one that forced Eric on a date with prattling Pricilla, Pamela, Patricia or whatever her name had been.

Okay, okay, _okay!_ Keena knew it was Penelope.

"Ah, right. Sorry." Zeke had the decency to look ashamed. "I forgot you don't know me at all, while I know you so well." He boosted with enthusiasm.

Keena raised an amused eyebrow. It was a weird thing to say but at least he was honest, she appreciated that. "Do you, now?" She laughed, clearly doubting that he knew her at all.

"Well, not _know you_ 'know you'." Zeke grinned. "But I do know as much as our gossiping faction seems to know." He lifted his fist and held an imaginary microphone to her mouth. "So, how is it go from being a prissy Amity to being a first jumper, record knock-out puncher _and_ knife catcher."

Keena had to blink a few times. It was not her style to be the center of attention. In fact, she hated it. She much rather blended in with the crowd as life tended to be much safer that way. So, for the tiniest of seconds, Keena didn't know how to respond to the fact that Dauntless was talking about her, but she quickly pushed all of those 'prissy Amity' thoughts out of her mind.

"Oh, is that _all_ they say about me?" Keena teased back, fake-offended as her words were dripping with sarcasm. "Here I was, paying all my well-earned free-given Dauntless points to the paparazzi to spread about some good gossip about me and all I get is _that_? Disgraceful scams!"

"Disgraceful? Scandalous!" Zeke replied in a posh accent, matching the haughtiness of an Erudite.

"Outrageous!" Keena laughed, matching his upscale tone.

"Barbaric!"

"Abominable!"

"Horrendous!"

"Zeke, what are you doing here?" Alijah interrupted their banter, looking extremely annoyed at his friend, who was laughing with Keena about nothing funny in particular.

Granted, their banter had been silly, but the accents had made it fun and light-hearted. Exactly what Keena needed, but aparently Alijah was all strict-business today. She rolled her eyes internally at her friend.

Zeke, however, couldn't be bothered with the negativity and ignored the daggers coming from the other side of the table. Instead, he extended his hand to Keena, to whom he still hadn't properly introduced himself to.

"Hi. I'm Zeke, friends with Alijah, Eric and Four. Nice to meet you."

"Keena." She shook his hand and smiled sweetly at him. "Pleasure."

"But your birthname is Katharina Hyde, right?"

Instantly, the humor left Keena's eyes as she narrowed them slightly and measured the guy next to her. She liked Zeke's energy, but as far as she could tell, he had no obvious reason to bring up her life before she came to Dauntless. It made her a little apprehensive.

He seemed like the type that 'got along with everybody' - hell, being friends with both Eric _and_ Four spoke volumes for that - and she had always felt the need to be extra cautious around those kinds of people. They were masters in hiding their fascinating personalities behind a smokescreen of superficiality, blending in with their surroundings, very much like a chameleon would.

It made them very hard to read as they could shift between multiple personalities quite easily, making it hard to predict them and for a control-freak such as herself, that was at the very least a bit disturbing and unconvenient.

She knew she was being a hypocrite, as she could do the exact same thing, but alas, trusting yourself was quite easy to accomplish, trusting others was not.

Or at least, _to her_ it was not. It still surprised her that there were people who trusted people wholy unconnected to them blindly. She didn't know what to make of such people. Were they just plain stupid and incredibly naïve? Or were they trusting innocents, pure at heart?

"My birthname? Wait, I remember. I think it was 'Faction before blood' or something in that direction." Her voice was sweet and casual just like the smile plastered on her face, but her eyes were sharp, brooking no argument.

The subject was not up for discussion. Period.

For a moment Zeke looked confused before a lopsided smile graced his lips.

"Interesting." He said more to himself than to her while cocking his head slightly to the side. "I can see why you have all my mates so captivated."

Alijah nearly spit out his coffee as his eyes shot another bunch of daggers towards Zeke. Keena's was confused but hid it better than Zeke had managed to do.

Yet again ignoring Alijah, Zeke turned fully to Keena.

"Relax, I'm only asking because I have a younger brother, Uriah, with whom I believe you are acquainted with." Zeke beamed, clearly amused by whatever it was he was referring to.

"Uriah? If that is supposed to ring a bell, it doesn't." Keena shrugged regretfully, keeping her eyes downcasted as she stirred her coffee with a spoon. Not that she had anything to stir, she loved her coffee black, but it was still nice to twirl the spoon around for a bit, the movement of the coffee worked somehow relaxing.

"You two met on the train when he was about ten. So, that would make you about eight years old."

"Oh. That vaguely does ring a bell, actually." Keena told him, remembering the little Dauntless boy she had once met. It was a long time ago and lots of things had happened since. To put it blunt, it wasn't exactly the most important memory she got, so to say she really cared was an overstatement. Feigning interest, for the sake of politeness, she requested after his wellbeing anyway.

While Zeke was telling her about Uriah and his job at the patrol, Keena let her eyes drift, landing on the waitress who was handing Zeke a cup of coffee. Keena hadn't seen him order anything but then again, he'd been living at dauntless his entire life. It was presumable he was a well-known and regular customer.

Either that, or he had fucked the waitress. She at least seemed to want him to, practically undressing him with her eyes.

Keena looked at the girl with renewed interest. She was pretty in the classical kind of way. Sharp and strong features, grey eyes, dark blue dreads and a ring through her bottom lip. She looked cool and totally Dauntless but where she was looking intently at Zeke, Zeke in turn paid her no mind. Spotting Keena's gaze on her she quickly retreated but seemed reluctant to do so.

"Well, I'm glad he's doing well. Maybe I get the chance to meet him again sometime." It wasn't a lie. Just because she didn't particular care much for talking about a person she had met once - a solid 10 years ago - didn't mean she wasn't curious about how he'd turned out. Meeting new people was one of her favorite interactions. It was the keeping in touch part and deepening the friendship to something meaningful she had trouble with.

In all fairness, she had never really had to try to make a friendship work. By the time friendships started to mean more than just building sandcastles together, Keena had been damaged enough to be too afraid to let anybody close to her. The once chatty and social – even contact-desperate - girl had become silent and lonely, even during school hours. As the years went by, her siblings had brought back some of the trust and sociability, but being busy raising them, she hadn't had much contact with peers outside of school, save the occasional campfire-parties in the Amity fields. On those parties, she had been extremely good at making contact. People liked talking to her and she liked getting to know them, but because she only had limited time for such freedom of seeing them – and not to mention her limited tolerance for the somewhat boring conversation topics they spoke of – the friendships remained shallow.

Shaking her head, Keena snapped out of her train of thought, catching only the last bit of Zeke's sentence.

"Just ask that goofy date of yours." He looked pointedly at Alijah, who by now seemed close to having a panic attack. Poor guy. She wouldn't want to date herself either. Closed off, cynical and depressed were not particular the personality traits most people were looking for in a partner.

She grinned at the idea of throwing a wedding and giving the guests a jar of antidepressants in their goody bag.

"He's not my date. We're friends." Keena interjected curt, not liking the direction the conversation was taking.

"Does he know that?" Zeke laughed abundantly. "Alijah, I swear, last time I saw you all dashed up like this was on your last date 4 years ago."

4 years ago? Really. Hm. Who would have known. She would've guessed he was doing rather well on the market. A real gentleman. Although, that might be the problem: This was Dauntless after all. A faction filled with people addicted to fear and thrills probably wanted the same in relationships. _She_ would certainly want that, _if_ she would want a relationship at all.

Alijah glared murderously at Zeke and was – by the looks of it – _very_ close to murdering his mate. The real deal.

"Why don't you focus on your own love life, hm?" She asked Zeke, saving Alijah the trouble of blood on his hands. "The waitress seems willing enough." She added slyly, making Zeke choke on his coffee.

"Ra?" He turned to look around at the girl in question. "Nah, I'm good. She's my neighbor and the closest thing to a sister I have." He told them, although both Alijah and Keena looked at him disbelievingly.

This was exactly the kind of chameleon characteristics Keena didn't like. He was either telling the truth or – more likely – he was just a great actor, but until he showed exactly what he wanted to show, there was no way to know for sure which one it was.

It was something Keena hadn't exactly known in her life until now: not being able to gauge someone's intentions and although her very short experience with it was far from relaxing, she didn't completely hate it either. In a way it served as a nice challenge and if nothing else, it even demanded some form of respect.

Her only small victory was the fact that Keena had put some thoughts in his head as he kept glancing over at this Ra girl. Maybe he had never concidered her before, but he certainly did now.

How was it that the loveless always ended up giving the best love- and relationship advise?

Well, there would be no antidepressants on his wedding, that's for sure. Maybe some bubble gum to fit that bubbly personality of him. _Dork._

Deciding the subject to be too trivial to really care anyway, Keena decided to drop the subject.

"So, how does one befriend both Eric and Four? Isn't it a rule that the enemy of a friend supposed to be an enemy of you too?"

"I couldn't care less about rules." Zeke swatted his hand in the air. "I am what they call social butterflies. Getting along with everybody."

"Or you are what they call 'full of yourself'." Keena shot back playfully.

Zeke laughed as his eyes narrowed down on her.

"Awesome." He said slowly, his head slightly nodding as if contemplating over something. "Yes, you'll do fine."

She didn't know for what, but just knew she would regret it if she asked, so she just opted for sipping her last bit of coffee instead.

"I don't have problems with Four either, that's all Eric." Alijah interjected seriously through gritted teeth. He was eyeing Zeke away, his humor - after Zeke's joke at his cost - clearly not returned yet. "Look mate, what do you need from me?"

"I'm here for Keena actually." Zeke said, shooting a look at Keena, who merely raised an eyebrow in response. When she didn't reply he continued. "I happen to work in the control room, you know, overseeing things and stuff…"

"You mean stalking." She had a feeling which direction this conversation was about to take and she did not like it at all.

"I'm security, not a creep."

"Neither leave much room for privacy."

"I'm just making sure everyone is behaving accordingly and being safe from time to time. I'm not following them into their homes."

"Stalkers don't necessarily break into homes either."

"No, but they watch through windows."

"Most of the Dauntless headquarters' rooms don't have windows."

"So? They can find other ways. Barricade your door and follow you around after you come out."

"My point exactly. Now what was yours again?"

"… damn it!" Zeke cursed under his breath.

Keena grinned at her victory. "Now, what did you want to ask me?"

"Uh." Zeke looked at her dumbly. "You distract me, woman. I don't remember!" Good. Because she had a feeling it was about Eric.

"Oh, right! I remember!"

"Bravo. If it was about Jasper and me, don't even bother." Keena yawned. "I promise you, it _will_ happen again. The boy is a bugger and we get along as well as ice and fire would."

"Really, and which one are you?" When Keena shrugged in response he continued. "You'd be the flame. Either way, it wasn't about your little fight with that initiate boy – which was very amusing to watch by the way. It was about Eric."

"Oh, that. What about it?"

"What did you say to him?"

"When?" It wasn't even a lie. She had sat a lot to him on a number of occasions.

"In the hallway, right before he..." Zeke paused as he glanced sideways at Alijah. "... _sprinted_ after you."

Eric had sprinted after her? Yeah sure, she had been stupid telling him to take an order from her, but he still didn't strike her as a person who'd sprint after an initiate.

Also, his 'punishment' hadn't been exactly punishment at all. Eric was just one big mystery and it made her head spin and her heart stop everytime she thought about him.

And now Zeke had made her think about him again. How his raw hands moved over her softer skin, grabbing her possesively and touching her at places a leader could hardly touch all his initiates.

Just like all the times she had thought about Eric in these past few days, she felt sick. Her stomach would turn and twist, totally upset and filled with worry and anticipation and other feelings she couldn't place.

And yet, she didn't seem to mind.

What was happening? Surely, she wasn't losing her mind over some feared muscular leader with remarkable - even electric at times - blue eyes, was she?

Suddenly, she had difficulty breading. She needed fresh air and to be away from this sorry interrogation.

"I don't think that is any of your business, now is it?"

Keena stood up, grabbed her coat and walked over to the counter to pay, when she heard Alijah tell Zeke how she had been very secretive about the subject earlier that night as well.

"I'm not secretive! But if you have questions regarding your friend, a _leader_ and _my assessor_ during initation, I suggest you take it up with him. I will not be shunned factionless because I managed to fall out of his 'good' graces, for as far as he has any."

It was a solid argument.

Also, a big fat lie.

Well, not a lie exactly, but it wasn't the reason for her silence either.

"Alijah, goodluck on your business trip to Candor tomorrow. Again sorry I was late." She gave him an apologetic smile. "Zeke, pleasure to meet you."

She gave the boys no time to reply as she hurried out the coffeeshop, but that didn't stop her from hearing Alijah verbally lash out at Zeke.

That night, Keena couldn't fall asleep. Visions of Eric and herself clouded her mind and left her restlessly tossing and turning in her bed. So, when the door of the dorm opened slowly, and someone tried to sneak in, she heard.

Keena knew for a fact that all the initiates were in bed, she had checked earlier and no one had gotten up since, so whomever it was, had no business there at 3am.

She was terrified as vague memories started coming back to her, although she could not exactly tell what it was or when it had been: It was a feeling of deep terror from within than a clear vision, but it made the fear no less real.

Except that it wasn't. Danger was real, yes, but fear was not. Danger was de ability to be harmed while fear was this annoyingly strong and uncontrollable emotion that did little else than upsetting the person in question. It was caused by danger, but the funny thing was that it wasn't even helpful to experience fear in a dangerous situation – except for the heightened senses and focus – as it clouded one's mind with irrational and illogical behavior. Like those girls in awful horror movies that ran after the killer or walked into a dark basement frightened chanting 'hello?' over and over again without as much as a flashlight or weapon to serve them.

Keena had always thought they deserved to be murdered first: if they were stupid enough to let emotions cloud their more rational thoughts, there was no use for them anyway. Keena didn't want to be like that.

Ever.

She wanted a purpose in her life, not becoming some useless nitwit. Yes, she would give an arm to be fearless and remain sensible even in the most chaotic of times. Hell, she'd give two.

And yet, in this moment, all the rationality in the world couldn't keep her heart from beating faster as the intruder approached. His footsteps were soft, barely perceptible even, but still noticeable to her trained ear.

He stopped in the middle of the room, which was close to Keena's bed. Until now, she had pretended to be still asleep, it would be much safer that way, but she wouldn't be a dauntless if she would just lay there and let the intruder do whatever it was he came to do – probably steal, although she could not fathom what of value was to be stolen from a bunch of initiates. Either way, she had to act or else she would be just as bad as those girls in horror movies.

In the blink of an eye she jumped out her bed, turning in the process and kicking the intruder hard against his shin. He stumbled and tripped over a pile of dirty clothes – thank Gale for that – and with his fall, something else clattered loudly on the ground as well.

Someone turned on the lights and while the rest of the initiates started grunting in protest and tossed their duvets over their head to block out the irritating light and sound, Keena found herself standing over no other than Four and something that looked like a megaphone.

"Four? What the fuck?!" She hissed, quickly helping him up, while he looked like something akin to a petulant child.

She heard a low chuckle to her right and Keena didn't need to turn to know exactly who it was. Eric was leaning against the doorpost, his fingers still hovering above the light switch while a malicious grin plastered his face as he took in the sight of a swearing Four on the ground. It didn't take long, however, before his gaze switched to Keena instead, her skin tingling with the sensation of his eyes roaming over her scarcely covered state.

She was wearing her pajama's, which contained of nothing else than a T-shirt and panties, although the latter wasn't visible – unless you were lying on the floor like Four, maybe – as the T-shirt was long enough to be a dress. She had gotten it from Gale after he had bought it a size too small, but for Keena it still looked like the piece of fabric had swallowed her up. Still, her legs were bare, and Eric's gaze seemed to burn into her skin. Suddenly all too conscious about her state of undress, she jumped back in bed quickly covering her legs.

She dared not look at Eric, but she just _knew_ he was smirking.

Where did the arrogant bastard get the nerve from to think he had anything to do with it? He did, but that was beside the point. He wasn't supposed to know.

She grunted in her pillow, face down, not giving a rat's arse about decorum or dignity. She just needed her stomach to relax and the tingling feeling Eric's eyes on her seemed to cause to dissappear.

"Initiates." Four bellowed. He had picked up the megaphone by now and was speaking through it, electing more grunts from the initiates. "Time to wake up. Eric and I will see you at the train-rails in 5 minutes. Don't be late."

With those words he walked out of the room again, shooting one last look at Keena, shaking his head slightly. She had clearly ruined his little 'wakey, wakey'-talk. Alas, he'd get over it soon enough.

As Four walked out the room, she noticed that Eric was still standing in the door opening looking at her. His features were stoic as ever, but his gaze was intense, causing goosebumps to form all over her body. Luckily for Keena, he quickly left too, as other initiates started to – albeit reluctantly – wake up and get out of bed. But even without him present she couldn't shake the nerves that had formed in her stomach.

Why couldn't she shake him?


	23. Chapter 23: Reversed Foxhunt

**KPOV**

"Ah! Fuck!" Gale cursed, half screaming in pain.

Keena's eyes immediately snapped to her friend, who was holding his stomach like his life depended on it.

Four, Eric and the initiates – both transfers as Dauntless-born – were packed up in one of the train compartments and Four had just been laying out the rules of Capture the Flag when Gale had interrupted his explanation with his shouting.

"Fuck!" Gale swore again as he pulled out a little poison arrow while everyone looked at him concerned.

Well, not _everybody_.

Eric was casually leaning against the wall, a satisfied smirk on his face as he pivoted a small handgun in his hand. Obviously, he'd been the one that took the shot and by the looks of it he was enjoying the pain immensely.

Why was Keena not surprised?

She looked at him slightly annoyed and rolled her eyes, but when Eric caught her staring, he narrowed his eyes slightly back at her before pushing himself smoothly off the wall and somehow demanding all the attention in the room by doing so.

He just really had that born-to-lead kind of vibe.

Were Zeke had an aura of positive vibes, lightning up the room wherever he went, Eric had one of utter authority and strength, demanding attention in a way were nobody wanted to be noticed. He just radiated something that caused people to feel a mixture of obedience, respect and fear and so it came to no surprise everyone fell silent at instant. Gale's pain would've been completely forgotten if not for his soft grunts and hisses.

"These guns are provided with a serum that simulates the pain of a real gun wound." Eric bellowed, pointing at the pile of weapons in front of him. "The pain only lasts for a few minutes-"

"Minutes?" Gale gasped shocked before immediately screaming out again. Eric had shot him another time, this time in his leg, making him fall to the ground swearing.

"Regrettably short is it not? Don't worry, you can always shoot again." Eric smirked down at him, an evil glance in his eyes as he threw the hand gun on top of the pile of other guns.

"Okay! Teams!" Four bellowed, pathetically 'interrupting' Eric's cruel ways _after_ the harm was already done. So much of being of help, Four. Keena rolled her eyes internally.

"Last year I've won, so you get to pick first." Eric stated bored, scanning the crowd of faces in front of him, already picking out his team in his head. Keena could only pray not to be in his team as she could not handle any more Eric for today.

"Keena." Four called out.

To say Keena was surprised was an understatement, but her surprise quickly changed in determination when Eric barked out a laugh and rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed by Four's choice.

How dare he laugh at her, especially in front of a group like this? She couldn't be happier to be on Fours team as this would give her the perfect opportunity to bring harm on Eric without getting punished for it.

Let's see how useless he would find her when she would triple shot him with that pain serum. _Asshole_.

"Jasper." Eric stated bored, as was his custom.

"Dante." Dante grinned at Keena as he made his way over where she was standing, behind Four.

"Gaya."

"Mira."

"Jonah."

"Daisy."

"Ana."

Keena started to see Eric's pattern. Every pick Four made was followed up by someone emotionally linked to the person called out before them, let it be personal vengeance or friendly rivalry. It was smart, really, to pick people who were psychologically boosted to outdo the other person, ensuring perseverance and a boosted effort in teamwork to beat the other team.

Eric might come across bored and uninterested, but his tactics managed to show how great his perceptiveness actually was. Yet, Eric would make sure to carefully hide all of it behind a smokescreen of indifference.

But she saw anyway.

More names were called out until eventually two teams of each 20 persons were formed. Four's team was the first to jump out of the train and with a last wink to Jonah, Gale and Maximus – who had ended up in Eric's team – Keena jumped out of the train.

"So, does somebody have a strategy?" Four asked the group after they had walked through some abandoned and eerie looking part of town.

"What was Eric's strategy last year?" Keena asked him.

"That will never work." This Dauntless-born girl named Lexie spat angrily. "Eric is way too smart to use the same approach twice, Amity. Believe me, I know him."

Keena looked at the girl who'd lashed out so hostile. She had flaming locks of auburn hair and grey eyes. She was tall and gorgeous and looked fierce, as if all the demons from hell wouldn't faze her.

It was the type of girl every Dauntless girl wanted to be, and every guy wanted to be with. The gorgeous kind with lots of confidence and little fear. A true Dauntless.

Keena couldn't help but be envious of that. She always thought herself to be too short to be sexy, too fierce to be cute and too small to be powerful, leaving her appearance in some state of unlabeled existence while Lexie was both tall, fierce, sexy _and_ powerful.

Well, Keena couldn't be too bothered by it. All she lacked with appearance, she made up for in personality, while Lexie was just rotten on the inside.

Okay, okay. Keena didn't know her well enough for that. But the attitude she had just been displaying wasn't very promising.

"Exactly. That's why he will probably do something the complete oppo-"

"It's pathetic that you think you can predict Eric's mind. You don't know him, Amity. So, shut your mouth."

"Actually, I think Keena has a point." Four said absentmindedly. "He has never had the same strategy twice, now that I think of it. So, all we need to do is scrap the possibilities he has already tried and see what kind of strategies are left."

Keena tried to hide her smile, she really truly did. And yet, somehow, she ended up looking Lexie right in the eye, the smugness of her victory more than evident.

It was a stupid move. Like putting oil on the flame.

"No, I know Eric eight years now. We're _very_ close and _even I_ can't figure out what goes on in his head. Forget it. We need a great strategy on our own."

She was close with Eric? He'd probably fucked her too then, Keena thought bitterly.

Wait, why did she care? Oh, that's right: She didn't.

Or did she?

"Just because your brother is friends with Eric doesn't make you close to him." Dante laughed at Lexie, who turned red. "But yeah, we do need a plan and quickly." He offered an apologetic grin at Keena, who shrugged and nodded her agreement.

"Maybe one of us can just walk around with the flag unnoticed." Boris offered, his dark brown eyes already focusing on Keena meaningfully. "You know, keeping out of sight while the rest of us can attack their defense. If we overpower them, we surely will get to their flag first."

"One person to guard the flag?" Nathalia shrieked. "I'm not going to do that."

"Keena should." Lexie offered wickedly. "We need someone _invisible_ to make it work."

 _Well, wasn't she just precious?_ Snarky-little-comment-slut.

But granted, it had been a good one. So, Keena did what she always did in any situation, she smiled outrageously. Both because she found amusement in Lexie's attempt to stab her with words, as well because of how her smile seemed to fuel Lexie's temper even more. It was a classic entertainment.

"Yeah, Keena you'd be perfect!" Lara agreed. At Keena's raised eyebrow she quickly explained: "Not that you're invisible. It's just, you can be, you know? Sometimes you just seem to disappear, even when you're still in the same room."

Lexie snorted.

"Not like that! You just blend in with the shadows. Oh, I mean…" Keena laughed, not able to hold it in any longer.

"I know what you mean." She winked at Lara who looked relieved that she wasn't mad.

Honestly, how could she be mad? Lara was right. When Keena wanted to, she could disappear. Blending in with the crowd she was easily forgotten, exactly the way she liked it.

She would never be that ray of sunshine stealing the attention of everyone in the room by her mere striking presence – like for example Lexie would – and that was more than fine with her. She was content being the one hiding in the shadows and watching from the safety of the sidelines from time to time, gathering information before diving into things. Not everyone would always notice her, but those who cared to look closely enough would find that the dark did contain certain beauties in it.

It had always been those kind of people Keena preferred to associate with. Above shallow nitwits who could only see something when it was right in front of them. And sometimes, not even then.

"So, it's Keena then?" Mira asked.

"Wow! No!" Keena started. Being solely responsible for the flag was way too much pressure.

"Yeah, we don't care about your opinion, Amity." Lexie spat. "Or are you _afraid_ you'll mess up?"

That bitch.

"Whatever." Keena rolled her eyes. "I have to say, Lexie, it's very dauntless of you to let an _Amity_ hide the flag. Tell me again, what was the difference between bravery and stupidity?"

The choice was simple. She'd either admit that Keena was a Dauntless or she would call herself stupid. It came to no surprise to Keena when Lexie avoided answering all together.

"Off you go, miss Elusive." Dante grinned at her, while pushing the flag into her hands. Keena sighed but went off on her own while the rest continued to make their plan of attacking.

 ** _…_**

Keena was bored.

It had been a solid thirty minutes and so far, no one had come along to make the evening any more interesting.

She had hidden the Flag upon some roof terrace with brick walls surrounding it. Were else could she go with a bright yellow luminous flag? Luckily for her, the moon was shining brightly and combined with the walls it served well enough to divert attention from the glowing neon light.

From off the ground, you had to know where to look to see the slight change in color in the sky.

She had hidden herself in a tree nearby, perfectly able to keep an eye on the flag and to spot anyone nearing the building on which it was put. If only one person would come, she could take him or her out, if it would be an army, she would be able to snatch the flag and make a run for it by way of roof-jumping before anyone else could climb the building.

This had been her plan. Thirty-eight minutes ago.

She wanted some action and soon, before she'd lose her mind.

It had been awful enough that she had to be the one staying behind – she would've loved to shoot the likes of Eric or Jasper – but not wanting to complain and be the kill-joy, she took one for the team determined to make them proud.

But not when it took this fucking long without some action while she could literally hear the shouts and gunshots in the faint distance. Her fingers were itching to shoot some herself.

To be honest, she was still quite worked up about her conversation – if one could call it that – with Eric. The way her body responded to his touch… like a pathetic liquified pile of… err, something. She couldn't even make up a word for it, _that's_ how pathetic it was.

He had taunted her that she would be back and try as she might, she couldn't tell for sure that she wouldn't. She had no backbone. Not a single spine in her body when it came to him.

Had someone tried to tell her that 9 nights ago, before she had sex with him, she would've hysterically laughed that person right in his face. The notion would've been absurt, it still was.

And yet, she had missed him while he had been gone.

She could admit that to herself now.

No matter how much he infuriated her, pushed her buttons and irritated her immoderately, the fact remained that she had missed their banters and if she were totally honest with herself, him as a person.

She hadn't realized how much she had enjoyed the glint in his eyes when he was about to make a sneer to divert from the fact that he was on unknown territory himself. She had been learning how to predict him and with every moment together, she came closer and closer to getting to know the real Eric, hidden behind his smokescreen of malice, arrogance and violence.

She liked the puzzle of his complex personality. She liked predicting him accordingly and she liked it when he knew she knew what he was up to. The only problem was that with every step she got closer to him, he also got closer to her as he played her little game right back at her.

And that scared her.

And that angered her.

She hated being scared and she hated being predicted. She had been quite pleased with herself when Lara had stumbled to explain how elusive she could be at times. Of course, Lexie had taken it as an insult but Keena didn't see it that way. In fact, it was the greatest compliment she had received.

She wanted to be elusive. It was a necessity to be unpredictable if you wanted to stay alive. If a fox would make a pattern, the hunter would find a way to intercept and kill the animal. But as long as it stayed elusive, mysterious and kept the foxhole unknown, the animal and it's offspring would be safe.

Her mind had to remain a mystery for it to be safe.

All that had been taken from her in her life… There was nothing to be done about it so she should let the past be the past and focus on saving that what had not been lost _yet_. As long as her mind remained hers and hers alone, it would be safe.

Eric had no right to predict her, and by telling her in his arrogant manner that she would be coming back to him, he had made her determined to do the exact opposite.

NO!

It could not be… as if on cue, a big and bulky body approached, running short distances from shadow to shadow in an attempt to move unnoticed. His tall and broad body was unmistakably Eric as he held his gun prepared in onslaught.

Keena grinned as she jumped out of the tree.

Let the foxhunt begin.

 **EPOV**

The building she had entered must have been some old art gallery or museum before the war as the walls were decorated with the most beautiful paintings.

There had been added pointless walls around the building, creating more space for more paintings but also making the whole of it a bit like a maze.

Eric had been tiptoeing around, hoping to catch her off-guard without having the sound of his shoes to spoil the surprise.

It had turned out to be futile effort.

She was standing in the middle of a big room looking around in awe, obviously forgotten all of her surroundings in that very moment.

Eric had all the opportunity in the world to catch her, to capture that damned flag and end the stupid game, but as it turned out, his rational mind lost it once again from his… err. Everything else?

His feet would not move as he stood in the shadows of a corner watching her every move intently. The moonlight that found its way through the skylight cascaded on her face gently, enabling him to see every expression.

Subconsciously, he lowered his gun and put it back in his holster as watched her watching the paintings, taking them in one at a time before moving on to the next.

Eric himself had never felt much for paintings. He appreciated and tolerated them and at times even enjoyed one, like the one in his home, but never had he been captured by them in a way Keena seemed to be in this moment.

Her lips were slightly parted as the moonlight seemed to caress her face. Her smoky grey hairs were a combination of braids, dreads and curls all mingled together into one big unordered mess, but somehow, she managed to pull it off like she was some kind of warrior princess instead of a sloppy factionless.

It looked just as untamable and wild as she was.

It was very raw. Very Dauntless.

She let her hands trail over the surfaces, either to feel the paint or to the brush strokes that put them there, Eric couldn't tell. What he _could_ see was the pure adoration and love for the pieces of art she was admiring.

He'd give an arm to experience the paintings through her eyes in that moment. To be so utterly content because of some works of art was a form of art all on its own. He might not know a lot about it, but from what he did now, the serenity in her movements and expressions was something just waiting to be captured, but since there was no one with oil paint and canvas around, he would make sure he'd capture it all in his mind.

It was in moments like these, when her face showed her true emotions and the shimmering glint of teasing mischief had left her eyes, he was reminded of how young she really was.

She was only 18 years old. He tended to forget that with other initiates as well but it was different kind of forgetting somehow. Eric had always blocked out the fact that initiates were only sixteen or – since this year – eighteen years old, as it was easier to be a ruthless and cruel leader storming them ready for Dauntless-life when he didn't think about the fact that they were just _kids_.

He couldn't bring himself to hang _minors_ – underaged _people_ with names and lives and feelings – over the chasm, but when he looked at them as initiates it was easier to assess them of their worth to protect the city. It was easier to doom them to a life of factionless when they were just an 'initiate' instead of 'someone'. He blocked it out, pretended not to see it, but he never truly forgot that _he_ was the one deciding over the fate and the lives of people whose lives had only just began.

So, he deliberately blocked out their ages, except with Keena of course. With Keena he truly did forget and not because she wasn't worthy of his attention or because he had wanted to send her off to the factionless as soon as he'd read her file – which he had.

It was because her eyes spoke of a soul so old, she was wise far beyond her years: Far beyond his years as well. He was six – almost seven – years her senior and yet if he would be the kind of person that asked advice in times of need – which he obviously wasn't – he would want it from her.

There was just something about her with her knowing smiles and perceptive eyes.

He had seen her watch him in the train, after he had shot Gale. Everyone's eyes were focused on Gale and she had already found the cause of the yelling before the rest would even care to look for it.

She knew. She always knew. And if the eyeroll she had thrown him was anything to go by, she had been less than impressed with him as well. Not that that had withheld him from shooting that little bastard again.

Eric had seen it. The shirt Keena slept in once belonged to Gale. He wasn't stupid. The boy had worn it to training once and complained all day about how the fabric cut in his armpit, as the shirt was a little bit to small for him. Eric had even made a sneering remark about it, that he shouldn't whine about it and just throw the shirt away already. He hadn't listened. Both on the part of whining, as on the part of throwing it away.

Seeing it on Keena, big like a dress, had brought back certain memories of the very grey-haired girl in one of his sweaters. Also, without pants. He didn't care that they had only slept together once, he did not want to see her wearing some other lad's clothes.

The point was, that she always saw. As soon as anything happened, she was on top of it. Sometimes literally as with Four earlier that night, or her catching the knife Jasper had thrown at her, other times it was subtler: Wrinkles around her eyes, a small and quick nibble on her lower lip… she had her tells but none were as obvious as that gleam of intellect in her eyes.

But when she matched it with that infuriatingly mischievous smile of hers, that's when the trouble started. Although less prominent than her intellect, it was more than obvious that her playful side was a force to be reckoned with. In fact, it was quite possible that _that_ was the whole base of his fascination with her: The young and bold spirit to match that old soul.

A small gasp brought Eric back to the present. Keena's movements had stilled as she watched another painting, but the angel made it impossible for Eric to see the expression on her face, nor would the little moonlight that had fought its way into the room allow him to see the painting clearly from his position. He waited for her to continue, but she never did.

She didn't even move.

She just stood there for at least five whole minutes and by the looks of it, she was not about to move anytime soon. So, after 5 minutes of watching her stiffened backside, he slowly walked closer.

And closer.  
And closer.  
And closer.

Until he was right behind her.

He could smell her now, that endlessly teasing scent of crisp mandarin and flowers, but he forced himself to look at the painting in front of her.

 _Massacre of the innocents – by Peter Paul Rubens._ The little description showed. It was a tale from the Bible – some pre-war religious book – in which the king of Judea ordered the execution of all male children between the age of 0 to 2 in the vicinity of Bethlehem, in hopes to kill the young Jesus along with them.

The raw despair and all-consuming ache of the mothers was captured to a chilling perfection: They threw themselves in front of the weapons in attempts to save their children. While others held the boys to whom saving was too late. The grief, sorrow, impotence and utter brutality, they were all clearly visible.

Some eerie painting.

It was strangely fitting to her own story, though. Although Eric didn't know the particulars about the dead of her siblings, the fact that it had been a bloody onslaught he could only imagine how much of a quite similar despair and sorrow she must have felt when being eyewitness to her siblings' murder. Especially after giving up so much of her youth to raise them like a mother would her children.

She might not remember what happened right now, but her subconscious sure knew how to be captivated by familiar and similar things.

"How did your sister die?"

The question seemed to come out of nowhere. She hadn't turned around or given him any other indication that she had known he was there.

But of course, he shouldn't be surprised that she knew.

After all, this was the girl who'd caught a knife. If that hadn't spoken for her impeccable senses, he didn't know what would.

He took the last step to close the distance between them – because honestly, how could he deny his body the contact when everything in him screamed for the connection – and his chest was now lightly touching her back as she let her head rest against his shoulder. She inhaled deeply and he could feel her stiffen as he answered.

"Cancer." He said, surprising himself with the honesty. Before his mind could stop him from telling more, his mouth had already opened again. "Leukemia. She fought bravely, but…"

A lump formed in his throat, so he let the sentence die. The weirdest part about it however, was the relief he felt. Until very recently – when Keena had asked about the picture in his living room – he had practically all but forgotten about his sister Merel. Well, not really _forgotten_ 'forgotten', but she hadn't been on his mind for a very, very, _very_ long time.

Then, Keena had asked about her in a very casual and curious way. She had no hidden agenda, because how could she know? He had answered her question curtly and guarded, like he had always done when Merel came up, ever since she had died.

He hadn't wanted to remember her, so questions about her became bothersome. He had pushed all the fond memories of her away to make it easier for himself to cope with the loss. Sadly, this had also allowed him into thinking the worst of her.

Wrong as it was, it had been his way of dealing with her dead and he didn't appreciate people bringing her up, whatever the occasion. Even Alijah had stopped attempting to talk to him about it.

And so, eleven years had gone by in which he hadn't spoken about her and with every year, the guilt of hating her and – because of that – hating himself had lessened overtime.

And then Keena had casually come along and screwed all of that up.

Seriously, that girl had a special talent for stomping on the eggshells everyone else was tip-toeing around.

She had asked him about the picture after years and years of radio silence about the subject and Eric had replied in his usual curt and final way, ending any conversation before it could even truly begin.

Who was she to bring it up?

Except… He hadn't felt the usual anger anymore at all.

Sure, he had been glad that Keena hadn't pressed the point back then. But thinking back on it, especially during his recent time back at Erudite, he found himself amazed by the amount of fond memories of his sister he suddenly could recall again, like they had never been gone.

For the first time since her dead, he finally was on a point where he could accept her dead and have peace with it, with all the fondness and love for her intact.

No more anger for leaving him, no more envy for their parents love for her.

It was done.

He had found his peace with Merel's dead.

And somehow talking about it just now – however short it had been – had felt like a conformation of that. It felt good, _great_ even. And he even felt some gratitude towards Keena for bringing it up, not only now but especially those nine nights ago.

"She was only 8 at the time." He admitted in a desperate attempt to break the silence.

Weird.

He had always loved silence. On many occasions he had wished for the people around him to learn how to shut their mouths and just be quiet for once. But just like many other things he was accustomed to want, do or feel, this didn't apply to Keena.

If he thought 'A', she would make him believe in 'Z' instead. When he wanted to hide his emotions for everyone as if his face was carved out of stone, she would make him smile without as much as trying. And now, while he would normally enjoy the silence, he wanted her to speak.

In that moment, he'd give anything to know her thoughts on the subject.

Maybe it was because so much time had passed the hurt about the subject was not as prominent anymore.  
Maybe it was because she herself had lost siblings, whether she remembered that or not.  
Maybe it was because she was intelligent and experienced enough not to pull the usual 'I'm sorry' crap, people tended to say with such painful subjects when they didn't know how to respond.  
Or maybe it was because he was just fascinated with her mind, if not a tiny bit obsessed.

Whatever the reason, he just knew he had to know her thoughts on it, but he would be damned before the cheesy words 'a penny for your thoughts' would leave his lips. So, instead, he remained silent.

It took probably only minutes, but in Eric's mind it could've easily been centuries before she spoke:

"The loveliest thing that still remain, than thus remember thee." Keena suddenly quoted with a soft voice.

Eric relished in… well, everything; the entire moment: the meaningful words, the softness of her voice, the sweetness of her scent and the movement of her head against his chest as she turned to look up at him through her eyelashes.

Vaguely in the back of his mind, Eric recognized the poem, but he couldn't quit put his finger on who wrote it or how it went on. He vowed to look it up later: If Keena found the poem noteworthy enough to memorize, he wanted to know exactly how it went.

Jesus, this was becoming an obsession. What was wrong with him?

He took a few steps back, breaking the spell and hoping that the distance would bring back some rationality. In any case, smelling her sweet teasing scent did not help his train of thoughts for the better.

Game.

Gun.

 _Flag._

He had to find the flag.

Grasping for his gun, he found the holster empty. It took him less than a second to look up at Keena's impassive face in front of him as she shot him with his own gun.

Right. In. The. Balls.

He wanted to scream - both out of pain as in frustration about trusting her to be good for a second – but he refrained from doing so, not wanting to give her the satisfaction.

Instead he fell to the floor, hands on his crotch as his face turned purple in pain and he hissed and cursed under his breath. Her target had been really nasty. His balls? Seriously? The balls of Dauntless most feared leader? Had her stupidity no ends?

Of course, his own stupidity and thoughts would have brought a smile to his face if he hadn't been so caught up in his pain. This was _Keena_ after all, if anyone was capable of doing such a thing it would be her.

Brutal.

Ruthless.

Very sexy.

Dauntless.

The soft but deliberated click of heels indicated her advance at him and indeed when he forced his eyes open to look at her, she was walking towards him, holding a gun in either of her hands.

"Did you really think you could surprise me?" She asked, repeating his own words from earlier that night against him.

She stepped even closer to him, her face just as impassive and unreadable as it had been before. She was the perfect picture of indifference as she kicked one of his feet while he was still holding on to his balls for dear life.

"I'm very conscious about everything happening around me… especially when it involves you." She was now blatantly quoting him, mocking him, challenging him that he had lied, and she had won.

"I'm glad my words have such an impact on you-uh-uh-uhhhh." He whined. "Fack!" He growled under his breath. Had she really just shot him with both guns simultaneously, one in each foot? _Bitch_.

But… the bitch was smart, he'd give her that. Shooting in the head, stomach or legs would be more helpful when you were shooting with real guns, as it would consequently lead to injury of important organs, more blood loss and with that possible elimination of one's enemy, but when dealing with pain simulation serums, it was far more profitable to shoot at places with a lot of nerve endings, like the balls and feet.

Sometimes stubbing your little toe caused more pain than a punch in the stomach would.

Keena smiled as he grunted in pain, sweat forming on his forehead.

She shot him in both hands, making sure he wouldn't be able to strangle her probably as she kneeled down beside him. Eric had his eyes still shut in pain when she brushed his cheek with her hand. Forcing himself to look at her, he opened his eyes and found her looming over him, demanding all of his attention to go to her face.

Not that it was a burden. Even when pissed off and his pride was wounded, he had to admit she really had a lovely face.

He tried to look at her with pure loath but instead he barked out a pained laugh.

"So, with guns in your hands you suddenly _do_ have the balls to fight me." He managed to hiss.

He was pleased to not his voice sounded more powerful than he felt. Yet, with the look she was giving him – a daftly raised eyebrow and a meaningful gleam in her eye – told him he had to relent a little. After all, it would do him no good to remain all prideful and arrogant while she was looming above him, two guns ready to shoot at any time. She was unmistakably in full control and would probably continue until he'd give her this little victory.

Whatever.

She had earned it.

"The element of surprise was good." He told her, holding her gaze as steady as he could manage through the stinging pain. "Keep it up and you might end up Dauntless after all."

She smiled a small smile at him, making him almost – _almost_ but not quite – think all the pain had been worth it for this one single show of gratitude.

"Go on." She smirked down at him, pretending to be interested in her nails as she deliberately pushed one of the guns in his side as a treat. "Tell me how great I really am."

He could kiss her. Wanted to as well before he reminded himself that she had just shot him _in the fucking balls_. Never mind the fire in her eyes turned him on or the moonlight caressing her face made her look so damn sexy. It wouldn't take long before he could move normally again and when he got his hands on this fucking minx he would take his sweet revenge.

He cursed at her and tried to attack but she caught on before he could even lift a finger.

She 'tsk'-ed a few times and pressed the tip of her gun his hand, pulling the trigger to reinforce the pain. "Trying to escape already? I'm starting to have the impression you don't like it when you're not the one in control." She pouted prettily. "Too bad. I told you the same thing this evening and yet you didn't listen to me either. Not so fun being the one manhandled now is it?" She smirked at him.

"Shut up." Eric growled, but there was no malice hidden in his words. "You may _like_ being in control, but you _love_ to be the one controlled." He breathed, not caring about the chance of getting shot again.

From all the things she could have chosen to make him concede upon, she had chosen about the only subject he would not be willing to relent upon. His imagination was too fond of the memories of that night and seeing her losing control and loving every second of it.

She might want to take it back now, feeling ashamed or vulnerable or whatever the reason was for her sudden skittishness, but he knew what he had seen. He had fucked her deep into every surface – the ground, the walls, the closet, the table, you name it – and she had screamed in pleasure with all of them.

"You're mistaken." She huffed, but he noticed she didn't move away from him, nor did she shoot him again. The pain was slowly wearing of by now, if he could distract her long enough, he might have a chance to get his revenge sooner than originally planned.

"I'm not mistaken. Do you want to know how often I've replayed that night in my head? You, losing control while I was buried deeply inside of you and ordered you around?" He saw her shiver and a slow smirk formed on his lips. She had enjoyed his possessive and authoritative ways in bed and she knew she had.

"Your orgasms when you rode me were amazing, but it was nothing compared to the ones you had when you had lost all control." He continued. "When you shuddered and shook beneath me, clamping yourself on to me out of fear your world might collapse if you didn't."

Eric noticed her blush and the change in her breathing. She turned her head the other way, avoiding his gaze and Eric took the opportunity to wiggle his toes: They moved without trouble, meaning his hands would be almost ready to fight her and take back the guns and punish the hell out of this demonic girl next to him.

All it took, however, was for him to move his arm an inch to the side to make her jump up from beside him and shoot at him aimlessly. Not that it mattered. She had somehow managed to still hit his knee and chest all the same.

"Smart move." He grunted. "You would've never won the fight."

She rolled her eyes but the faint sound of approaching voices from outside made both Eric as Keena snap up their attention. Eric did what he often did: he watched her.

It was not like he could do much else, seeing how he felt like he was dying on the floor, but still, her reactions fascinated him. She bit her lip and her eye movement became rapid, if not a tat hysterical, as she switched her gaze from him, to the doors, to the painting of Ruben's massacre, back to him.

"I meant what I said when I asked about your sister, you know." She said, her eyes back to the painting again.

Eric sighed loudly. It was such an Amity thing to do, feeling the need to confirm her intentions about asking about his sister had been pure. As if he would ever doubt that. She was too much of a goody-good-doer for anything less, even if she had shot him in the balls right after.

Wow, that was some shitty stark contrast in one sentence.

Still, it didn't change the fact that she was way to much of an Amity to be bothered by something as his possibly hurt feelings. Feelings he did not even possess.

"Get out of my sight, before all those sappy Amity-confessions get me blushing." Eric sneered, the hositility in his voice on point.

She flashed him her fucking annoying knowing smirk before fleeing the room, leaving Eric behind in a mixture of emotions: The most prominent one being a whole bunch of frustration.

"You still suck at fighting, Amity!" He bellowed after her angrily, but hearing her faint laughter coming from afar made him smile against his will.

He was a besotted fucking imbecile.

He would have to step up his game.


	24. Chapter 24: Ragged Revenge

**Again thanks for the reviews, follows and favorites 3**

 **As promised: A chapter full of smut.  
** **If you're not into that, you can stop reading as soon as EPOV begins and wait for the next chapter, altough I'd reconsider reading this story if you don't like it because from now on there will be a lot more lemons in the story.**

 **This chapter is still a bit strained because of the conflicting feelings Keena is experiencing, but the more sex they will have (later chapters) the less thoughts on hesitation and stuff will be in between the smutlines. But please let me know if the vibe was still alright with you guys because I struggled a bit to get the balance between smut and motivation behind their actions right (without completely ruining the smut).**

 **Either way, I hope I got it right for now!**

 **Enjoy, enjoy!**

 **KPOV**

Fire never ceased to amaze her.

There was a certain beauty in the destructiveness of it.

The flames were relentless. Powerful. Determined. They destroyed everything in their wake unremittingly and yet the ashes they left behind formed a footing of fertility for whatever form of life dared to approach after all was destroyed and gone.

It gave Keena a small sense of relief to know that every ending was in a way the basis of something new and - in some cases - even better.

Like the bonfire in front of her: The flames were controlled, destroying only that was what old and useless. The dead and dying twigs and branches had purpose anymore once they fell of the tree. It was either burn up fiercely or rot away slowly.

If it had been her instead of the branches, she would rather crash and burn than to drag out the inevitable death that lay upon her path, becoming a shadow of her forming self in the process.

 _And yet it were a greater grief_

 _To watch it withering, leaf by leaf,_

 _Than see it pluck'd to-day;_

There it was again. The poem of Lord Byron she'd read once in a poetry book at school. The book had stood out to her because she hadn't known the author, which wouldn't been weird if it wasn't for the fact that Amity was well-known for its collection of pre-war poetry and lyrics. Keena had read every single book in that collection, and yet she had never come across the name Lord Byron.

After reading the book, however, she understood exactly why that was: His poems were quite dark and had the tendency to be cynical and even depressing. Not at all the kind of poetry an Amity would like to read.

Keena had liked it however, although she had been rather young to understand the full meaning of it all at the time. But somehow, the poem seemed to slip into her mind more often recently. Not only earlier, when Eric had been talking about his sister, but also in her dreams and sometimes totally at random certain sentences would pop up into her mind. Especially when she was thinking about her siblings.

She couldn't exactly figure out why, but it felt significant.

"Here you go." Dante plopped down next to her, handing her a beer.

"Thanks." She replied, not taking her eyes of the fire in front of her as she put the beer next to her unopened, not really feeling much for getting drunk tonight. Still, she was enjoying being there, on the roof of the Dauntless-headquarters, gathered around a bonfire with the Dauntless-born initiates.

After Capture the Flag, about 40 minutes ago – which her team had fortunately won. Ha, she could still recall the livid look on Eric's face as he sneered at his team and glowered at her revengefully – she had been asked to join them for some ride on a zip line.

Of course, she'd said yes.

How could she not? She was an adrenaline junkie at heart.

Also, she'd practically felt Eric's eyes burn through the back of her head. It wasn't hard to tell he was plotting his vengeance against her and couldn't wait to get her alone and unguarded for him to start. So, yeah, maybe she'd also run off like a coward a bit, but she still really wanted to do the zipline.

And hell! What a ride it had been! It had been the most freeing and mind-blowing experience of her life.

Despite all the rational thoughts not to do it – like the fact it was utterly dangerous – she had _wanted_ to do it and she had enjoyed it.

Immensely so.

She hadn't minded her stomach to twist from nerves. Nor did she mind herself losing all control and just going with whatever life was about to throw her way. She had felt invincible as the flew through the city, wind in her face, arms stretched like a bird in the sky. The thrill of it all had been totally worth all the feelings of slight sickness and despair.

This made her realize that – however weird and shocking it may be – Eric had, in fact, been right about her.

She _did_ like to lose control from time to time. The last part of that sentence being the key, because her want, no, _need_ , for control was real: She _needed_ the power of control to feel safe.

So how come she hadn't minded losing all control on the zipline?

Maybe it was her crave to adventure after a life at the uneventful faction Amity.  
Maybe it was her yearning for freedom after having a domestic youth filled with responsibility.  
Or maybe it was simply in her nature.

Whatever the reason may be, she had to admit now: Having no control in a dangerous situation was incredibly enjoyable and freeing as long as it was her own decision to be out of control for a bit and she knew there would be a point in the near future at which she got all of the lost control back.

In case of the zipline, the break had worked ensuring of this. Installed very carefully to make the out-of-control and dangerous zipline survivable, the break had given her some 'out', ensuring her to have full control again as soon as she wished to have it back.

With those conditions in place, she had to agree with Eric – albeit reluctantly – that she actually loved to lose control. And if a dangerous situation like the zipline was to be offered again, she would definitely say yes again… and again _and again_.

And if her mind chose to redo an activity like the zipline, even if it meant she was temporarily signing over her control to a _thing_ , why couldn't she do the same with a _person_?

Lets say 'a certain blue-eyed Dauntless leader' person?

After all, the slightly sick feeling in her stomach during the zipline - caused by excitement and nerves and healthy tension – was quite similar to the feeling she got when a certain blue-eyed Dauntless leader looked at her.

The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced the same conditions could apply to her strange entanglement with Eric. She just needed to find an out, a 'break' of some sort, before things ended up ugly.

Her obsession of having control shouldn't make her block out all the fun things that made her heart flutter. She wanted the excitement in her life, otherwise she could've just as easily stayed at Amity, boring herself to death with small-talks about the weather, the smell of flowers and the sweetness of that year's apples.

The zipline had been fun, yes, but not as much as her night with Eric had been. She had been trying to forget, regret or at the very least remember it less fondly than it had been, but as of yet she'd had no luck succeeding in any of those.

It really had been a great night and she had replayed it in her head more times than she cared to admit.

How his breath tickled her skin lightly and goosebumps appeared.  
How his lips and teeth nibbled, sucked and bit down on all the right places.  
How his husky voice demanded her to dirty-talk back to him.  
How his strong big hands wrapped around her waist possessively to hold her in place as he filled her with his huge c…

 _Why again_ had she been denying herself some amazing time with a sexy Dauntless leader?  
 _So what_ if she enjoyed spending time with the ultimate muscle-man?

She should!

Before her mind could tell her to stop, she sprang up and muttered some lame excuse to her friends about going off to bed.

It only may not be her own…

 **…**

Keena was normally not the type to doubt and double doubted her own decisions.

If she made one, she stood behind it. Period.

And yet, it took her exactly 14 times of walking the hallway back and forth, passing Eric's apartment before she had gathered enough courage to knock.

Well, not _knock_ exactly. _Yet_.

She had her arm raised mid-air, just patiently waiting for that last bit of courage to actually knock.

Geez, she really was spineless: Both in staying away from him as in following up her newfound course of action. Seriously, how could she have no backbone in the two – _very contradicting_ – strategies? By lacking at one she should somehow be excelling at the other, right?

It was only minutes ago that she had been sitting around the campfire, admitting to herself that she wanted this.

But did he even want her again?

He had told her he'd only kissed her simply because he felt like it and she had been there… If that was true, she was about to make an utter fool out of herself.

Because let's face it. Eric was a wanted man. He could have just about anybody, so why want her a second time?

He had options.  
 _Better_ options.

Half of the dauntless woman – including that Lexie-brat – was ogling after him and mentally undressing him wherever he went. The other transfer-initiates might be blind for those looks because they are too busy with their own fear of the man, but that didn't stop _her_ from noticing.

It was disgusting and pathetic really how some girls practically threw themselves in his way… And no! She hadn't been jealous!

Right? Right.

Still, wouldn't she be just as pathetic if she showed up at his apartment in the middle of the night just to have some casual sex?

Just because they had shared one fun night together, didn't mean she had the right to claim him for herself – or visa versa – whenever she felt like it.

Hell, if one of the Amity boys she'd slept with would do something remotely similar to what she was about to do… Well, let's just say their pride wouldn't remain unscratched.

She couldn't understand herself either. Normally, her one-night stands were a one-time-only thing: A fun night, but without the messy and clingy strings attached.

Now with Eric, she found herself on some serious unknown grounds.

That's what had made her flee out of the training room earlier that night. The newness of the situation. Never before had she felt so attracted – if at all – to a guy, let alone one she'd already had sex with once.

Still, earlier that day, when Eric had told her she'd come back to him, she felt exposed.

Stripped naked.

Bare.

Vulnerable.

It had been fear of the unknown that had made her fight all that unwanted attraction she had for him – which was a frustrating fucking lot – and escape him and his touches.

His assumption had scared the hell out of her because it had been so damn close to the truth. As if he had known how much effort it took for her to extract herself from that damned room.

Had she been showing her true emotions too much?  
Was she becoming predictable?  
Was her mind still safe?

But then again, her reason told her that she would never have been able to shoot the guy in his balls – and yes, she was still smug about that accomplishment – if she _had_ become predictable.

So, _no_ , she had not become predictable.

And this unknown situation wasn't necessarily a bad thing. She could have multiple one-night stands with the same guy and still remain unattached, right?

Just because he had predicted some things right about her, didn't make her actions any more foreseeable. In fact, Eric's guesses were usually of a 50-50 chance ratio anyway, it would be weird and extremely unlucky if he _hadn't_ guessed anything right.

She looked at her shaking hand in front of her, almost touching the door…

 _Geez, Keena. Just knock already._ She berated herself. _Where is that Dauntless bravery when you need it?_

 _So what_ if she found herself on foreign territory? If she wanted something, she should go for it, regardless of her insecurities and prideful moments. No fear, no shame, no pride and no person should be able to stop her from getting what she wanted.

Most definitely not the blue-eyed Dauntless leader himself by making her think she was becoming predictable.

Okay, enough with the stalling.

With a deep breath, she let her fist connect with the door.

 **EPOV**

Eric was in a foul mood.

He was a sore loser, it was true. Something in him just snapped whenever he lost, especially from Four. But not only had he lost from Four, he had lost some sort of private game between him and some green-eyed demon from hell.

She had shot him in the balls.

 _In the fucking balls._

And the worst part was, he was actually turned on by that.

Not at the moment itself, obviously, because he had been in way too much pain, but thinking back on it; the devious gleam in her eyes, the small smirk on her plumb lips she had been trying - and failing – to hide, the way her chin would lift a bit as a sign of power… It was fucking hard not to find all of that sexy.

Not that he could allow such behavior, he had been debating on how to get back at her all night. Of course, she had quickly hurried off with her group of Dauntless-born friends, afraid of what he might do, but the truth was he had no fucking idea.

He had lots of methods for lots of pay-backs, and yet none of them seemed fitting enough to use on her. She would probably laugh if he'd hang her over the chasm, she had already refused to fight him, and she had been skittish about having another go for sex with him so far. She also wasn't one to be bothered by words, taunts or sneers.

What he did now was she hated public attention. If he wanted to bother her, he should give her exactly that but that would go against his own desires. She was popular enough as it was, he didn't need to push her in front of a crowd of drooling men ready to come to her rescue and tear off her clothes right after.

Something in him got sick only thinking about it.

He didn't want to ponder on why he was so possessive over her. He'd never even been remotely interested about other girls he'd slept with. Maybe it was because Keena had been - without a doubt - the best fucking shag he'd had and if Eric ever wanted anything, it definitely was being or having the best. But even in his own mind it sounded like a lousy argument.

Either way, the fact remained he didn't have a clue on how to get back at her… yet.

Not that it mattered, it could actually work in his favor to make her wait for it. If she believed something bad was coming her way, that he was able to strike back at her at any given second, she would be looking over her shoulder for his revenge at all times. It could work as a nice build up for his actual revenge, something he was sure would come to him along the way.

 _But hadn't she had enough looking back over her shoulder in her life?_

Wait what? Since when did he consider someone's feelings or past? This was just great, he was becoming a fucking softie.

Eric shook his head in frustration, angry at himself.

Whatever it was she was doing to him, he didn't like it one bit. He didn't want to be understanding and caring and reasonable, he wanted to be his _ruthless_ , _malicious_ and _arrogant_ self. He wanted to make initiates cry and make them pull out their hair in despair because of him, he wanted to kick puppies and juggle with kittens. Maybe stuff a laughing baby in the trash. Metaphorically speaking, anyway.

Next time he'd see her, he wouldn't let her win. He'd be his mean and perceptive self. Yes, a mistake like last night was only made once.

Still, as thoughts of her clouded his mind, he found his dick hardening again. Ugh, this girl would be the dead of him. Seriously, it was as if he was a thirteen-year-old boy all over again. It was too much, too often.

Besides, jerking off was not going to help, he knew that much from the past eight nights. Ever since he'd had her, nothing seemed to really work for him. His hand wasn't satisfying, and other girls didn't even manage to get him even slightly interested.

A soft knocking made him snap out of his thoughts. The _nerve_ of people bothering him at this ungodly hour was perplexing. It was fucking 5.15 am.

Someone must have a dead wish.

"What?" Eric threw all of his – mainly sexual – frustration into his snarl as he opened the door, but all other coherent thoughts abandoned him as soon as he came eye to eye with about the last person he expected to see there.

Keena was standing in the door opening, a faint blush on her pretty little cheeks but her eyes were full of determination and fire. He noticed how her eyes fell to his bare chest and he couldn't stop the grin from forming on his face.

"Like what you see, Amity?" He snarled at her, holding on to his revelation to remain his arrogant unfriendly self.

Instead of blushing more however, her eyes snapped back up at him, a devilish smile on her face.

This meant trouble.

And he was more than willing to take it all.

Mentally telling his dick to stand down, she brushed past him into his living room, as if she fucking belonged there as much as he did.

Funnily, he couldn't find it in him to mind.

"Yes of course, _do_ come in." He grunted rolling his eyes at her rudeness. "You better came here to beg for forgiveness after what you did today, Amity, because my revenge will be the dead of you." He slammed the door shut behind her and turned around to look at her but as soon as he did, her soft lips were somehow planted on his.

It took him about five seconds before his mind could comprehend what was happening.

She had come here and started kissing him.  
 _She_ had come _here_ and _started_ kissing _him_.  
 _She had come here and started kissing him._

What the actual fuck.

He didn't understand, he wanted to understand. But he couldn't ask, couldn't retreat. She was like electricity, giving little shocks to his body with every touch and he was craving more of it.

Thoughts dissolved from his mind when she took a step forward and leaned into him.

Shit! He could feel the brush of her hardened nipples through the fabric of her shirt. It took all he got to stop him from impaling her then and there.

Fuck his need for understanding her when his need for her as a whole could be fulfilled. Understanding could come later.

Or not.

Right now, he really fucking didn't care.

Letting out a primal growl, he attacked her mouth in a devouring kiss, making sure her lips would be bruised and sore by the end of it. He was relishing in her sweet taste: she tasted like fresh apples, honey and a hint of something else – maybe cinnamon. As he forced his tongue inside of her mouth, he heard her whimper and her nails dug deep inside the flesh of his neck.

Good god. It was a sweet pain he craved more of.

His arms sneaked around her waist and he grabbed her ass to lift her up against him, before turning them around and pushing her up against the closed door with a loud clash.

Neither of them seemed to mind.

Her legs had swung around his hips and his painfully hard cock was straining in his pants. He was glad when she started moving her hips up and down for some friction

Kneading her ass with one hand, he lifted the other to grab hold of her wild hair and pulled her head up. He released her mouth and focused his attention on her bared neck instead; biting and sucking and kissing his way down to the swell of her breasts.

The need to mark a woman as his own had never been so strong.

Her hands were frantically searching for a hold on him, taking feverish turns from scratching his back, clutching his arms and pulling his hair.

He couldn't possibly get any closer to her with clothes on. He was pressed all the way into her soft curves to a point she had to be suffocating. But she never complained and although she was clearly breathless, her arms that were wrapped around his neck pulled him even closer into her. And so, he pushed into her just that tiny bit more, loving the moan that escaped her shuddering lips as she threw her head back against the door.

He watched her whimper as he kissed his way back up her neck. The little breaths and sounds escaping her bruised and swollen lips as her eyes were closed, enjoying all of his touches. He nibbled shortly on her earlobe before kissing down her jaw before claiming her mouth again by means of biting down her lower lip and sucking it to ease the sting.

"Eric." She gasped as he released her lip. There was no mistake; it was a silent request to take things further already.

Well, well, well.

Someone was impatient.

It seemed he had found his revenge after all…

Smirking, he released the fist of hair he'd been holding and let his hand glide back down to join his other hand that was still feasting on her big generous ass.

He slowed down his tongue movements to a bare minimum of small teasing touches that had her beg for more.

Every time she tried to control or speed up the kiss, he would withdraw and chuckle quietly.

She huffed and made small noises out of protest, but after a while she caved and let him set the pace.

Their tongues slowly danced around each other, and he savored every single moment of it.

She let him control.

 _Good._

 _Finally._

His hands started to massage her arse in slow sensual movements, simultaneously stretching her cheeks in and outwards, so he was stretching her cunt open and closed along with it. Her ragged breathing made it clear she was desperate for more friction, but he wouldn't let her win that easily.

But he did want her naked.

And then he would torture her slowly until she would be screaming and begging him for more.

Grinning against her lips he lowered her back to the ground and spun them around. Her back was now pressed against his chest as he let his head fall in the crook of her neck, licking, kissing and biting it and she responded by giving him full access as she threw her head the other way.

His cock twitched playfully against her bum as she rubbed her ass against it, but it would just have to wait for a little bit longer before it could come out and play.

First revenge, then release.

Eric lowered his hands to the bottom of her shirt before slowly pulling it upwards, over her head before throwing it carelessly on the ground.

Fuck!

Was she for real? She wasn't wearing a bra, leaving her perfect breast perky and star naked in front of him.

They were truly magnificent.

Even better than he remembered.

He let his left-hand play with her taunt nipples, taking a turn in kneading, pinching and twisting them, while his right hand moved even more down, finding its way into her pants and panties until his fingers reached her very swollen bud.

She gasped and threw her head back against his shoulder, her lips trying to get a hold on the flesh of his neck. Once she did, she bit down in it and Eric couldn't help but love the sting of it as he slipped his finger further down towards her entrance.

His cock pulsed painfully as he found her all wet and ready for him. He couldn't help the throaty roar that escaped his lips simultaneously as Keena whimpered in his arms at his touch.

"Eric." She pleaded, clearly wanting more. "Eric, please."

She moved her hips for more friction, more _anything_ really, but he wouldn't let her have it.

"You think you deserve more?" Eric whispered in her ear and he felt her shudder. "After all you've done to me, do you really think you deserve more?"

He watched her bite her lip as she tossed her head back against him, repeating the movement of her hips a few times in utter despair. He still wouldn't give in.

 _Yes, let her feel that sweet, sweet agony._

"Eric…" She moaned again, moving her ass up and down the bulge in his pants while clinging on to him for dear life.

"Were you a good girl or a bad girl?" He smirked against her skin before biting down on it, electing a gasp from her.

His right hand was teasing the bud ever so lightly, just enough for her to know how amazing it _could_ feel, and yet it was just too little to have her actually feel it.

Keena let out a strangled moan as she – once again – tried to gain more friction on her own.

It was a pointless effort.

Once she noticed this as well, her hands that had been clinging to his hips moved freely: one wrapping around the back of his neck while the other went to the breast that was currently abandoned by Eric's hand.

"Stop. Playing." She grunted between breaths, her nails digging deep into the flesh of his neck.

"When you answer my question." He twisted a nipple harsh, and Keena inhaled sharply, her back arching automatically, making her ass grind into him even more because of it. It took all his self-control not to rip off their remaining clothes and take her right there.

"Good. Or. Bad. Girl." He breathed against her ear. With every word he lightly tapped down onto her clit, making her shudder in his arms.

He needed her to talk back to him first. He wanted her to lose all control and give it to him. Trust him with it. All of it. She needed to let go, give him the opportunity to take over total control, because they both loved it most that way. Even if she had been denying it. "Say it."

"I… I was a bad girl." She managed, the blush on her cheeks told him she was still too uptight for his liking. He wanted her full surrender, so no shame nor pride could stand in the way of the awesome sex that was bent to follow.

"That's right." He rewarded her by pressing his thumb on her clit. Her moaning turned quickly into a frustrated growl as his thumb had moved off her bud as quickly as he had pressed on it. Instead he went for teasing it again, by making lazy circles around it, occasionally touching.

She was _so_ wet, and he found it _so_ sexy. Rubbing his cock between her butt cheeks he plunged one finger into her slickness and she trashed her head back against his shoulder, a throaty moan escaping her beautiful plumb lips as her hands clumsily grabbing hold of his hips behind her, just for the sake of holding on to something.

"Do you want to be a good girl?" He kissed her jaw.

"Hmm." Was all she could manage. At his nipple twitch she quickly barked out a hoarse 'yes.'

"What was that?" He taunted her. "Good girls speak with words."

"I – ahh – I want-t to be a good girl." She gasped as he curled his finger inside of her and found her G-spot.

She cried out in pleasure.

" _'_ _My_ good girl." He corrected with a growl, biting down her neck.

"Y-yes. _Your_ good girl. I – _ahh, Eric!_ – I want to be _your_ g-good girl, Eric!"

She now was finally at a point she would say anything for his touches to continue. He had all control and he planned on using it to the fullest.

Rewarding her efforts again he slipped a second finger into her wet core and soon he was pumping four fingers in and out of her cunt as his thumb played with her clit.

She was panting as he touched her in all the right places and he felt her building.

"You're not allowed to come yet." He whispered wickedly in her ear. "Good girls wait until they have permission."

She moaned loudly and turned her head to look at him. Finding his throat, she bit down on it as her body began to shake with shudders.

"I can't" She panted against his throat, her legs buckling beneath her. "Please, please, just let me…"

She was so, so close, Eric could tell.

Right before she came, he retracted all of his pressure points at once and she cried out in frustration as he stepped away from her.

His own skin immediately regretted the loss of her, but he needed to be strong for the sake of revenge and so he walked away without saying a word.

Just like he'd predicted she came scurrying after him.

"What?!" She cried. "What the fuck, Eric!" Oh, holy hell, her voice was so raw and hoarse… Seriously, Eric deserved a fucking medal for remaining his self-control and not burying his cock deep inside of her right then and there.

"Undress." He managed to sound bored as he walked into his bedroom, not looking back at her to see if she followed.

He knew she would.

One of his closet doors was a mirror and if he would be standing behind her, he at least wanted to see everything through the mirror.

"Come here." He ushered in a chocked voice as she walked into his bedroom. She had listened, and the rest of her clothes had come off. She was blushing as she walked towards him in all her naked glory. How this girl could be blushing was a mystery to him. She had literally nothing to be self-conscious about. But whatever the reason, her blush worked only endearing and added to her charm even more.

It also added to his pulsing cock.

He pulled at her hand softly when she was within reach, pulling her close to him and catching her mouth with his own.

She shuddered and moaned as they kissed and when she pressed herself against him, he buried two fingers into her heat without warning. Adding a third finger as he stretched her open and wide for him, he pumped her with his fingers until he had her shuddering and shaking at his touch.

Her legs buckled, and she had trouble with standing straight.

"I want you to be a good girl and pump yourself on my fingers, can you do that for me?" He asked her, guiding her around so she was watching herself in the mirror, her back once again pressed against his chest. "And while you do it, I want you to look me in the eyes through the mirror." He ordered her.

She shook her head and bit her lip and then all he had to do was watch.

He held his hand still as she rode his fingers and her breathing became heavy with want. She was obviously putting on a show for him as well, her own hands fondling with her breasts and nipples as she moved up and down his fingers, her tits and ass eagerly bouncing up and down with her movements.

It was the most erotic thing he'd ever seen, and he couldn't help from stroking her entire body with his free hand, drawing invisible patterns on her belly and breasts.

He watched how she rode him with her plumb and peachy lips slightly parted, soft sounds of pleasure escaping her on their own will. Her green eyes were locked onto his, just as he had told her to. Sometimes he sneaked a glance at her bouncing breasts or how the drenched fingers that appeared and disappeared inside of her, but for the most part of it, he stared right back at her.

After a while, her pants had become erratic and she almost collapsed because of her shaking legs. He decided to help her, pretending to want her to get over the edge by pushing his thumb against her clit and the fingers in her wet core finder her G-spot, but just like before he retracted all of his efforts just before she came.

Keena screamed in frustration and started swearing in protest but he simply ordered her to spread her legs apart and bend over until her hands were firmly put on the ground.

She complied without a second thought.

Good girl.

He now had a perfect view of her sweet round ass and he rubbed it a few times before smacking it, the loud sound of it like music to his ears. Keena seemed to love it as well, as she was whirling underneath him, small moaning noises escaping her plumb and kissable lips.

Smacking her arse a bit harder he could make out the faint red mark of his hand on her butt and Keena cried out some strangled moan from deep down. He moved his hand from her butt to between her legs to her entrance, finding it warm and wet for him.

"So, so wet for me, aren't you, little one?" He smirked in victory, artfully sliding two fingers inside of her slick wanting core once again.

At her agreeing moan he hooked his finger with practiced skill, finding her G-spot within the second. "Answer me, Keena."

She moaned.

"Answer me." He ordered again as her legs started to shake underneath her.

"Eric." She whispered wantonly and before Eric realized what was happening, Keena had stretched her arms out between her parted legs, reaching for the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers.

Well, well. Look who turned out to be extremely flexible.

 _Fucking hot._

Deciding to indulge her a little, he helped her take them off and released his huge pulsing cock from its prison – called his pants. They both watched his cock wobble up and down for a bit, adjusting to the newfound freedom.

He slipped back three fingers into her core, electing something between a relieved sigh and frustrated groan.

He smirked.

She wanted his cock.

So naturally, he would give her anything but.

While working magic between her legs with his left hand, he started to stroke his cock with his right hand, barely containing his laughter at the put-out face Keena was giving him through the mirror from her position up-side-down between her legs.

"Eric," Keena started, trying to sound strong and miserably failing. "Come. In. Me. Now." She ordered.

He chuckled in response.

Raising an eyebrow at her, he conveyed the message 'not going to happen' in his smirk. "Tut-tut. Good girls ask nicely." He taunted wickedly.

She was panting now as he was finger-fucking her relentlessly, not giving her the chance to really ask nicely.

"Eric. Cock. Please." She somehow still managed between her heavy breaths.

She must really want it.

And thus, he had no intention whatsoever to do as she pleased.

Deciding to let her on and believe he would, however, he slid his fingers outside of her and grabbed her fucking perfect arse with both hands, kneading and massaging it as he moved his cock teasingly between her legs, but making sure not to touch her entrance.

… No.

He looked down at where his cock was standing proud in the air, a mere inch away from touching Keena's cunt.

Her fucking _dripping_ cunt.

Yes, he had felt it right: Keena was fucking dripping down on him. He watched in awe and fascination as her cunt released drops of her aching core as some sort of slow sensual rain falling down on his proud member.

"Fuck! You're dripping!" He all but accused. How was he going to withstand _that_?

Forgetting all of his resolve to tease and revenge her, he thrusted forward, striking deep inside of her in one slick move, the angle of having her bend over allowed him to stick all of his pulsing cock inside of her small tight wet cunt, just the way he liked it.

"Fuck!" He yelled as she cried out some strangled moan in sweet agony, relieved he finally filled her aching core.

Eric had to hold them both absolutely still for several seconds, afraid that the slightest movement would make him come as he felt her tight silky walls wrapped around his cock.

He was _so_ big, and she was _so_ tight, and yet it seemed like they were made to fit. It was perfect. Fucking amazingly perfect.

"Look what you made me do!" He accused again, clenching his jaw in order to resist his urge to do exactly what she wanted: plunge into her over and over again.

He had wanted to make her wait for his cock until she was begging him with buckling knees. He should pull out and continue his teasing, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

How was he to deny himself something so fucking perfect?

"Eric!" She begged for friction and started to wiggle that beautiful round arse of hers up and down.

Well, fuck. Who was he to resist? Honestly, as soon as he had entered her, he had been pretty much doomed. And now his plan to punish her had already been messed up…

Whatever. He would find something else to torture her with later. Right now, however…

Playtime.

He retracted his cock and drove into her again, his trust forcefull like a madman.

A growl escaped his throat as Keena started making delicious noices and held on to her arse and hip while she screamed in bliss, chanting his name as he plunged into her hot wet cunt over and over again.

Every time even better than the last.

"Fuck!" He hissed as she almost topped over at his relentless thrusts. "Grab the mirror."

She did as he ordered and helplessly clung to the mirror.

Holy. Fucking. Hell.

This was even better. He could see everything. From the bouncing perfectly round ass in his hands to her vigorous tits moving back and forth with each trust. He saw her face and quivering lips as she groaned and moaned and screamed out his name.

He trusted and hard end relentless, his balls smacking against her clit on accident.

And what a welcome accident it was.

"Ahhr. Yes Eric! Yes, YES, YES!" Her screams were music to his ears, relishing in how she lost control. He looked down at where his cock was plunging in and out of her. It was glimmering and shiny from the wetness surrounding it and something in him snapped.

If they had though he was fucking relentlessly before, the pace he was setting now was out of this world.

Both their breathing was ragged and only loud primal growls and moans escaped their lips as neither could form words anymore.

Her legs started trembling underneath her and he pulled her back up against him before smacking them both into the mirror with his powerful trusts. It didn't take long before his own legs were on the verge of collapsing and they tumbled to the ground.

He fucked her from behind but hearing those sweet moans escape her lips he wanted to devoir them, it took him all he had to extract his penis out of her long enough to flip her over.

He was about to plunge back into her when her frustrated growl made him linger just that tiny bit longer.

"You like my cock inside of you, don't you?" He roared.

She bit her lip and nodded worthlessly while grabbing his hips and guiding him into her once again.

"Nobody ever fucked you as good as I did, did they? You want my cock, like you never wanted anyone else's, isn't that right?"

"Eric, god damnit come into me!" She huffed cross, lifting her hips to meet his cock in the air.

"Say it." He grunted, not complying to her wish. He needed to hear her say it.

He needed to know she was his. If only for now.

"Yes! YES! I want your cock, Eric." She yelled frustrated. "I want you more than anything else so: Get. The fuck. Inside. Of me." She grunted.

Eric didn't miss the fact that she had said she'd wanted him, the second time. And not only his cock.

Any and all resolve now left him completely. Trusting forward he filled her up again before capturing her tempting lips in a bruising kiss.

There was no time to make the kiss a good one: It was sloppy and a bit wet as his trusts made it hard to concentrate on their lip movements but neither minded.

Breaking away from the kiss eventually he lifted her legs over his shoulders and Keena whimpered at the new-found angle.

Eric could see her face perfectly now. The slightly furrowed brow, the glowing and blushing cheeks, the parted lips that were chanting his name occasionally.

He loved the way his name rolled of her tongue.

"Fuck!" He closed his eyes briefly, relishing in the sight of her coming undone.

He watched her generous perfect tits bounce with every trust inside of her, but it was when their eyes locked that he lost all control.

"Eric!" Keena moaned helplessly. He could feel her tighten around his dick.

He sneaked a hand between them, never stopping his powerful trusts into her. Finding her clit he roughly rubbed it.

"That's right. Come for me, Keena." He roared in a husky voice. "Be a good girl and come for me."

"ERIC!"

"Come for me and only me!" He pushed down on her clit a bit harder.

"ERIC, ERIC, ERIC!" She yelled frantically, trembling and shuddering beneath him. When he finally felt her walls collapse around his dick, he immediately followed with his own orgasm.

"Oh, yes, Keena! Yes!" He grunted.

Her legs slid of his shoulders and he collapsed on top of her, slowing down his trusts until she had milked every single seed out of him.

He was getting soft inside of her, but neither was willing to move and let him slip out. His face was hovering above hers, their foreheads touching as they breathed the same air. Hot and heavy breaths caressed each other's faces as they held eye contact and time seemed to stand still.

His lips were quavering, hers were trembling as they came closer together.

She licked her lips.

He flashed his eyes to hers.

She bit her bottom lip.

He grunted in response.

And then they kissed.

Not needy. Not desperate. Not bruising.

Not teasing. Not demanding. Not wantonly.

Instead of a kiss out of lust, they kissed with something else, something Eric wasn't sure either could quite place.

It was slow, sweet and tentative. Their tongues barely touching as if exploring each other for the first time. And although he had just fucked her hard into the floor, his heart was beating as if this kiss was the most exciting thing in the world.

He got a slightly disturbing feeling in his stomach, like someone had punched him in it with an iron bat and he somehow loved the feeling of it.

Eric couldn't tell how long they had been kissing for – it could be no more than a few minutes – when he felt his dick hardening again. He was still inside of her so she immediately noticed and whimpered by means of responding.

Never breaking the slow and sensual kiss he started rocking his hips softly in and out of her. It was only minutes ago when their fucking had set the pace for slobby kisses, now however, the roles seemed to be reversed.

The slow and sensual kiss set the pace for the movements of their hips and somehow the slowness of it made it even more intense.

Ragged breaths, quivering lips and soft whimpers.

Him sliding in and out of her was now no longer marked by a smacking sound but by the sound of her slicky wetness.

Were their hands had formerly been desperate to clutch on to something, they now had time to explore each other slowly. He held her cheeks as he kissed her deeply, while burring his cock deep – but painfully slow – inside of her, loving the small whimpering sounds she was making.

Breaking the kiss shortly, she nuzzled her face in the crook of his neck before he was kissed slowly and sensually there as well. Her lips moved to his throat and he let out a low rumbling growl.

Grabbing her waist, he rolled them around, so she was now on top and she took full advantage of that.

Her hands moved tentatively over his torso, slightly scratching her nails as she slowly moved up and down his shaft.

Her eyes watched his face as she explored further, ever slowly grabbing, scratching and massaging every inch of his skin.

When she lifted herself of his shaft, he fully expected her to let herself drop down on it again, but she never did. Instead she moved off of him and touched his rock-hard cock hesitantly.

Eric had to hiss at her shy touch, somehow the insecure curiosity in her touch made it extra erotic. He watched in awe as she brought her mouth down to the base of his shaft and started to kiss and lick her way up to the top of his cock, that was by now fully pulsing in her hands in anticipation.

Eventually – after what seemed like forever – she reached the top and took the tip of him in her mouth and he roared a deep breathy roar.

He had to bit his tongue not to swear or say anything. He could tell she wasn't confident with what she was doing and although he loved every damn second of her touches, he didn't want to scare her off.

This was most definitely not what he had in mind to do next, but he found himself unable to stop her as she sank to her knees and her hands touched his shaft tentatively.

He watched as his cock slowly disappeared in her mouth. She gagged a few times, trying to get the entire shaft in but after a few missed attempts she gave up and started to work with what she could reach. Which was an surprising damn lot, especially looking at their difference in size.

She sucked in some air as he felt her tongue twirl around his tip as she bobbed her head up and down on his shaft.

She sucked, licked and scrapped her teeth, all the while managing rhythm of her bobbing head.

Fuck. She was good.

Eric's breathing had definitely thickened and if he wasn't careful he would be coming right there in her mouth.

"Fuck, Keena." He hissed, digging the tops of his fingers in her skull before reluctantly pushing her off his dick. She stumbled backwards, looking up to him wide-eyed.

She didn't actually ask him, her personality was too proud for such display of insecurity, but he knew exactly what she'd been wondering.

"I want to do some more before I come again." He reassured her.

Understanding dawned onto her and a small smile formed on her lips.

When a twinkle of mischief formed in her eyes, playtime was over.

 _Hers_ anyway.

Without effort he lifted her up and clumsily threw her down onto the bed before burring his face between her legs.

 **KPOV**

Keena was amazed how naturally his name rolled off her tongue.

It sounded… right, for some reason.

Panting she looked down at were Eric's head was buried between her legs. One of her hands held on to his hair while another was fisting the silk sheets of the bed.

"Eric…" She moaned again, feeling herself building as he pushed his tongue inside of her.

She tried bucking her hips upwards for more friction, but one of his hands held her stomach in place. She loved that hand equally as much as she hated it.

This was torture.

Sweet, sweet, torture.

He licked his way back to her clit before sucking down on it again.

Oh, dear lord. That felt _good_.

 _No. Great._

 _No. Even better: No words._

"Eric!" she breathed again. She was close.

Probably sensing this, Eric pushed two fingers deep inside of her, curling them just right to find her G-spot before pumping them in and out of her, the wetness of her cunt evident by the soggy sound it made.

Eric seemed to love it.

So did she.

His eyes locked onto hers as she whimpered.

"Let go for me." His hot breath tickling on her clit.

Good god, that voice. So low and husky, like rumbling thunder.

Fitting, as he was like a thunderstorm.

Dangerous but beautiful.  
Relentless but exciting.  
Powerful but manageable.

"Be a good girl." He ushered. " _My_ good girl."

God, if he only knew how much she wanted to be his good girl right now. The way he made her feel… It would be over when the morning came, but for now she was his and only his.

Her mind had made peace with her obedient behavior.

Her body had already been craving it for ages.

"Now." Eric ordered as he pushed his tongue down on her clit.

That was all it took.

Keena screamed his name as he lapped at her. He extracted his fingers before his tongue filled her entrance and eagerly drank up all her wetness and all she could do was lay there on her back, watching stars cloud her vision as she panted his name and shuddered underneath him.

How many times could he make her come in one night? It had been obvious he had wanted to punish her when they started, but even so she had had multiple in the last 45 minutes, which made her wonder how many he could gave her if he actually wanted to give it to her.

If she were his good girl.

Which she wanted to be, at least for tonight.

Before sex with Eric she had never had an orgasm before. Now that she had, she couldn't imagine life without. She needed him. Those nights without him after their first time together had left her sexually frustrated. Apart from the fact that she could hardly touch herself in a dorm full of initiates, she knew she couldn't let herself come, something he seemed to have no trouble with.

No trouble at all.

So, she would use him for some fun nights that were otherwise spend with insomnia.

That had been her revelation.

She could have multiple one-night-stands with the same person. She just needed to treat every night individually.

It would be fine.  
No problemo.  
No mess nor strings attached.

Eric moved away from between her legs and fell down beside her on the bed. Watching her curiously. She rested her head against on top of his chest for a moment before grabbing the wrist of the hand that had been in her only seconds ago.

She looked at him mischievously as she sucked his fingers clean one by one, making a popping sound every time she released a finger from her mouth.

He watched her with dilated pupils and Keena noticed his hard cock twitch in the corner of her eye.

"Fuck this." He growled, before rolling on top of her and diving deep down inside of her.

A relieved moan escaped her as she felt complete once again.

They fitted perfectly.

He belonged inside of her.

Further thoughts were banned from her mind as his mouth sucked down on one of her hard nipples and she was lost in the movements of his powerful trusts deep inside of her.

 **…**

"Eric?" She was laying at his side, one leg draped over his muscular abdomen as she used his shoulder as a pillow for her head.

"Hmm?" He hummed absentmindedly while continuing his stroking on her back with the tops of his fingers. It was a soft and sweetly tickling sensation, totally different from his touches before but no less noticeable.

"If this gets out, I _will_ kill you."

She felt, rather than heard, him chuckle as he nuzzled his nose into her hair.

"I mean it." She really did.

Eric sighed but she could feel his lips twitch up in a grin as he rubbed his cheek against her head.

"I don't doubt you do." His warm and low voice rumbled as he pulled a blanked over their naked and by now cooled down bodies.

They had been having sex for the past two hours. Training would start in about 30 minutes, but neither felt like getting up yet.

It was silent for a bit but inside Keena's head she was screaming. Now the primal and needy lust was gone, she had started doubting her choice again.

Had she made the right choice by sleeping with Eric again?  
What were his intentions?  
And more importantly… What were hers?

Things couldn't change between them. She didn't want people to know that they'd slept together. When they had had sex nine days ago, it had been easy to pretend nothing had changed because he had been away on some business trip, but now… Keena just didn't know how things would go between them during normal day-time.

The Amity boys she had slept with before, she only ever saw on parties or - the occasional one – in the hallways at school. She didn't need to interact with them on a regular basis, if at all. And they certainly hadn't needed to assess her worthiness of becoming a Dauntless and because of that having the power to decide her faith: whether or not her life would be lived as a Dauntless or factionless.

She wasn't fooling herself that Eric wouldn't kick her out of Dauntless just because they slept together. He was still very much capable of doing what he thought was best and if that included kicking her out of Dauntless, he would.

Not that she worried that would happen, because she was good enough to get in, but it was the principle that counted: If he so much as wanted to, he could throw her out on the street to live her life as a begging factionless. He already held that much power over her, so why had she let him take control over her body for hours until only minutes ago?

Imprudent, that's what she was.

"Stop thinking." He told her in his authoritative voice, although the sharp and ruthless edge it normally possessed somehow seemed to be missing.

"I can't." Oh no. Not a whine. She _so_ tried to go for anything _but_ the whine – she really truly did – and yet it came out before she realized what was happening.

Eric snorted but didn't comment on it.

 _Well, would you look at that._ She gave him all the reason in the world to make a vicious remark and yet he chose to let it slide for once.

It was like a Christmas miracle coming true.

Fuck!

See!

The change between them was already happening. Lightning speed didn't quite cut it. In the blink of an eye she had jumped off of him and was scrambling on the floor in search of her clothes.

Two big masculine hands got a hold of her hips however and without any noticeable effort on his part he lifted her right back to the bed, rolling his eyes at her pointless struggles.

"God damnit, woman. For once use that pretty little mouth of yours instead of fleeing the room like a coward."

Well, that made her stop dead in her tracks, her arms that had been fighting against him uselessly falling down.

It took her a second to shrug off the – very true – insult before her rebound rate kicked in.

"Oh, I've been using my mouth _plenty_ for the past few hours and you certainly didn't seem to find it lacking then!" She shot back at him.

She detected a tiny smirk on his lips before his face set out to become a stone mask of indifference again.

"You know that is not what I meant."

"Oh, do I, Mr. Presumptuous?" It was a low-blow but she couldn't help herself. No coherent thoughts came to mind - let alone a good comeback - when he looked at her like _that._

He was looking at her how she'd thought she wanted him to look at her.

Indifferent. Calculated. Unimpressed.

Exactly the way he had always been looking at all the initiates.

That's what she wanted right? For things to remain the same as they always had been.

 _Then why did she feel so dejected?_

Eric sighed and smoothed his messy hair back with his hand. He seemed to consider something before pushing her back towards the other end of the bed.

"Fine. Whatever. Go." He shook his head and stood up from the bed himself. "Run away, like you always do! I don't care."

"Well, obviously you do!" She spat at him, but although her demeanor was cold as ice, inside she was fuming.

 _The nerve._

How dare he tell her she always ran? He didn't know her well enough for that. Just because she ran from him a few times didn't mean she was a quitter in general! Sometimes it was simply smarter to stand down and to pick your battles.

The problem with Eric was, however, that she didn't know what exactly she was running from. But for heaven's sake! Did she really need a reason with a man trice her size that would be deciding her – maybe factionless – fate and also made her feel things physically she had never felt before.

She was out of her depth here! So, whatever it was that she was running from, it sure as hell couldn't hurt to see which way the wind blows first. Get to know your opponent before making a risky move, Eric himself thought her that… during training but still. She could apply it on multiple aspects of her life if she wanted it.

Who was he to stop her?

She watched perplexed as Eric walked out the bedroom, brushing past her in his wake.

He didn't even spare her a second glance. Like the past two hours didn't even happen!

 _Good_.

 _Great_.

 _Fuck_ …

Keena desperately tried to reason with herself that his behavior was exactly what she had been wishing for and yet she still felt that same damned dejection and rejection.

She knew the feelings all too well. Her entire youth had been filled with them. Recalling the faces of irked disinterested her mother used to throw her, her stomach stirred with some burning anger.

Who did he think he was to pretend she wasn't worth shit.

Dauntless leader or not, initiate or not, she was still a person who's name he had screamed only minutes ago…

She wanted to do what she always did when hurt: Walk away and never look back.

Reject others before they reject you.

But if she walked out of that door, she would be doing exactly what he had told her she would do and she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of being right.

Thus, instead, she walked after him into the bathroom.

"Do you mind?" He looked at her irritably. "I need to take a piss, so take this chance to gather your clothes and escape my apartment while you can." He mocked.

"I'm still here, aren't I?" She stayed calm and collected, her voice detached and chilling to the bone.

"Barely."

"What the fuck is your problem, Eric? What do you want?" She told him, her icy demeanor cracking.

"To take a piss. So go away because I can't with a fucking Amity watching me."

"Stop calling me Amity!"

"Why, isn't that what you are? You want to run out of this door like the coward you are, isn't that right?" He rolled his eyes, looking at her annoyed. "You're only here because you're too stubborn to give me the satisfaction of being right."

What he said was so true, it scared her.

"Regardless of what I want, I'm standing here. So if anything, that's more of a Dauntless trait than an Amity one. A soldier has to act on what is needed, not what is wanted."

Eric sighed and shook his head. "What are you running from anyway? It's not like I'm about to murder you after spending one fun night with you."

"Two." She told him flatly. "Two fun nights."

He nodded but didn't say anything else, probably waiting for her to turn around and do as he had said. But the thing was, now he had called her out on it, multiple times, she would rather die than run out of his apartment anymore.

But she would let him take that piss.

Thus, she turned for him, but still refused to leave.

Was it a smart move to stay? Probably not.  
Did she like it? Definitely not.

She felt awkward and rejected as she stood there, twisting her foot awkwardly and fumbling with her fingers, a total loss for words as she listened to him flushing the toilet and washing his hands.

"You scare me." She blurted out, breaking the silence as she turned around and looked up at him.

He snorted and looked at her disbelievingly before realizing she was serious. His face softened – well, his _eyes_ did – as he walked over to her and took hold of her fumbling hands.

She let him pull her into the shower with him, turning on the water. Massaging her back in all the right spots he started talking.

"Keena, you're not afraid of me." He told her in a low voice that made her shudder. It was a warm and rich kind of bass-voice, almost sounding like music in her ears. She had never heard him talk in such a manner before. Maybe it was because they were in the shower or maybe because for the first time since she had met him, he seemed 100% unguarded.

"You're not afraid of me." He repeated, kissing her temple. And immediately the since recently familiar feeling of her stomach twisting and turning into an aching knot of bundled nerves returned. But she still didn't seem to mind the ache, in fact, she even seemed to like it. It was as if her body was on fire and… and… well something! Something so strange and amazing all at once that she seemed to crave more of it. "But maybe, you're afraid of yourself."

"What? How does that even work?"

"I think you know."

"No, I really don't. The only thing I run from is you." She admitted breathlessly as his hands worked magic on her back.

"Wrong. The only thing you're running from is yourself. You don't like people getting too close to you. Close enough to know you and predict you and now I am doing just that, and you don't like me to confront you with yourself, that's why you keep running before I even can."

"But I'm here now." She said wistfully. "You're telling me all that and I'm still standing here."

"Indeed, you are."

It was silent for a bit, not counting the little sounds escaping Keena's lips as Eric's massage continued. The hot water of the rain shower was washing over their backs and the glass shower room started to get steamy as time continued.

"I wish I was fearless."

"No one is." Eric simply responded. "Besides, without fear there is nothing to be brave about." He told her with that same deep rumbling voice of his, moving his fingers from her back to her neck. "Being brave is not to be fearless. Being brave is having fears and facing them with all you've got."

She moaned as his fingers found a painful spot in her neck and started working on it skillfully. She threw her head back, the top of her head resting against his chest as she looked up at him, his hands never stopping their movements.

His eyes locked on hers and just like that the atmosphere changed. His raw fingers moved from her neck to her shoulders and slid down her arms. Slowly – _very_ slowly – he spun her around before letting his hands move from her hands, to her hips and up her body.

As one hand lingered at the side of her breast, the other came up to her chin, lifting it up while their eyes were still locked.

Green meeting blue. Nothing seemed to make more sense than that in that moment.

Her heart was beating so hard, that if it wasn't for the running water, Keena was sure he would've heard it.

Agonizingly slow, he lowered his head, swiftly brushing his lips against her own before capturing her mouth at the same time as his thumb shot out to find her hardened nipple.

Keena's moans were muffled by the kiss as she stepped closer to him only to find his already impossibly hard dick pressing against her belly, turning her on even more.

His tongue sensually lapped at her smaller one and he easily dominated the kiss. _Just because she let him of course._

While their kiss remained soft and sweet, their touch became more and more desperate. Frantic even. She grabbed his biceps with one hand while her other found its way down to his delicious hard cock. She caressed the soft and silky skin of his tip by moving her thumb over it in a circular movement, loving the way it made him growl deep in the back of his throat.

When his fingers pressed against her cunt however, she needed some more grip to hold on for her own sake and she roughly took his shaft in her hand, rolling the skin up and down over the tip with her hand.

Eric let out an animalistic sound before lifting her up without warning and slamming her against the glass shower wall, entering her with one swift move as he did so.

"Fuck, Keena." He told her, releasing her mouth and locking his gaze on her eyes again, small grunts escaping his lips as he moved in and out of her dripping cunt. "Always. So. Fucking. Tight. And. Wet." Each word was backed up by a trust. The tempo started off as slow and sensual as their kiss had been and Keena's head started spinning as she saw more and more stars.

She moaned and bit her lip, all the while looking him in the eyes because somehow breaking the eye-contact seemed entirely off-limits.

It was by far one of the most intimate feelings she had ever felt, together with the other slow sex earlier that night. They breathed in the same air as he penetrated her time and again, every trust a little bit more forcefully than the last only to slow it down drastically when the speed was bordering on relentless.

They had done rough already today, and it had been out of this world good, yet this intimacy gave meaning to sex in a way nothing else could.

There was something so mad about panting in each other's face, hearing every grunt, every moan, every whimper. Every muscle that moved in their faces was noticed by the other. They could read each other's faces like open books, and for two people who were masters at hiding their true faces, this was an entire other dimension of intimate.

Scary. But exciting.

"Eric." Keena panted, his name always on her lips when no coherent thought seemed to come to her. She relished in the way she could feel his cock pushed all the way inside of her, pressed into some walls of her stomach that made her feel like he was thrusting a hole through her entire body.

It was hurtful in the best kind of way.

She wanted to be full of him, all of him. Every bit he gave, just didn't seem enough. She always wanted more. Craved more. Needed more.

"God, Keena." Eric hissed as she let out another moan. She was pressed between the glass wall and his body, one of his hands was supporting her wait by means of grabbing her thigh, while his other hand was free to roam wherever.

For the time being it seemed content with playing with her nipple, sometimes stroking her face in a sweet caress.

As he trusted into her again and again, their breaths became shallower. She could feel his cock throbbing inside of her and she clenched her walls in hopes to milk him out, wanting to be the last one to come for a change.

Of course, she should've known he had more stamina than that.

 _Stubborn fucking twat._

"Fuck Keena!" He hissed, pushing his forehead against her, still never losing her gaze. "You're ridiculously tight." He grinded his teeth and slammed into her again, this time harder.

His thrusts became more forcefully then, making her scream out in sweet agony.

"Ahh! Yes!" She screamed in pleasure. "Yes! Eric! Yes, yes! More!"

"More?" He managed between breaths, his finger sneaking between them.

She nodded desperately as he started trusting into her relentlessly. His grunts helped her building up to her climax as his fingers found her clit.

Jackpot.

She couldn't hold it any longer. She closed her eyes in a desperate attempt to hold it back, but he immediately ordered her to look at him.

"ERIC!" She all but shouted, panting as she forced herself to listen and look at him.

He pressed his thumb against her clit again, flicking his finger over the little bud as he kept trusting into her, a deep throaty roar escaping him.

"Touch yourself." He ordered. "One on your nipple and one on your clit."

She did as was told, all the while riding him like a mad woman, trying to jump up and down his cock to get more of it in her. Now he had his hand free again, he braced it against the wall while his other was still grabbing her thigh. His trusts became erratic, so were both of their breaths.

She was shaking and shuddering against him, her walls firmly gripping his cock inside her.

"Tell me you belong to me!" He hissed with a clenched jaw. At her desperate nodding – because she all but had forgotten how to speak – he ordered again. "Tell me!"

"I-I.. Eric!" _Trust_. "Belong" _Trust_. "Ahh! To you!"

"Again!" He roared, as her walls were frantically clutching his cock inside of her now.

"I-ahh, belong t-to you!"

"Good girl." He struggled to keep his own orgasm at bay, she could feel his huge cock throb inside of her and she could clearly see his firmly set jaw to hold it in a little bit longer. "Prove it, little one. Come for me!" He hissed with another forceful thrust, his balls smacking against her cunt and the finger she had there.

Eric's hand moved from the wall to her breast, eagerly grabbing hold of the bouncy flesh. "Now!" He bellowed and that was it.

She felt his hand move to her chin to guide her to keep looking at him while her walls collapsed around his cock, making him come with her. He growled his primal growl and captured her mouth in a wet and needy kiss. She saw stars as she milked him, loving the feeling of getting filled with him.

Riding it out, Eric somehow managed to turn them around and lower them to the ground. It ended with him sitting with his back against the glass wall and she was sprawled on top of him, her legs on either side of him as his soft cock was still inside of her.

She knew that with one small movement, it would probably slip out of her, so she tried to remain very still, wanting to postpone the inevitable as long as possible.

Titillating her back, he kissed the top of her head.

"If you run now," He began. "Just know I _will_ come and find you and your delicious ass."

She smiled against the crook of his neck and nodded softly.

"Yeah, sounds fair." She relented. "But just so you know, this doesn't change shit between us."

It was Eric's time to grin. "Agreed, you're still the same infuriating pain-in-the-ass Amity you've always been."

"And you're still an arrogant narcissistic asshole."

He chuckled his consent and they both sat in silence for a few moments longer, both lost in thought.

Eventually they moved out of the shower and Eric pointed out they only had 8 minutes left before training started.

Keena put on her clothes and practically flew out of the room.

She didn't look back at Eric but if she had, she would've noticed his lingering stare and the tiny smile on his lips... _Nothing changed_ his arse.


	25. Chapter 25: Late & Laps

**Dear readers,**

 **As some of you already noticed, something went wrong with this chapter when I first tried to post it.  
If you're reading this, you know it's fixt :)**

 **Feel free to point these things out to me any time, so thank you Bezgraniczna & Yuyuxx  
I would've changed it sooner but I was busy cooking. A girl's gotta eat ;)**

 **Anyway, it's hopefully fixed now, so enjoy this** **quick fill-up chapter, but it's (hopefully) enjoyable nonetheless!**

 **As always thanks for all the reads/follows/favorites/reviews!  
I really wouldn't be finishing this story if it wasn't for you!**

 **Love!**

 **KPOV**

Keena learned a lot of things every day.

Today for example, she learned that she needed to think twice before crossing Eric ever again. When he had sauntered into the training room for the first time that day somewhere just before lunch, she just knew she had it coming.

But, luckily for her, she enjoyed crossing him way too much to give a fuck. Hell, shooting him in the balls made up for any shitstorm that came her way. Having slept together or not, out of the bedroom they seemed to continue their ways of hostility, mocking and pushing each other's buttons.

Familiar territory. Exactly the way she liked it.

"I heard you were too late this morning." Eric rumbled in front of her, loud enough to catch the attention of everyone in the room.

Keena narrowed her eyes at him. He was playing dirty. He knew she didn't want anybody to know what had happened between them, so she couldn't tell the truth and drag him down with her in her reason of tardiness that morning.

"Only by thirty seconds." She protested, conveying a message in her eyes for him to shut up.

Of course he didn't listen.

"But still too late?"

The smugness of his voice made her want to rip his tongue out. He was provoking a reaction… and hell, it was almost working. She glared at him, which only managed to goad a malicious and amused glint in his eyes. He raised an eyebrow in expectation, waiting for an answer.

Or more accurately: a succumb.

Well, he could stick that succumb up in his arse until it came right back out of his mouth, she would not budge. So, she kept staring at him, raising a delicate eyebrow of her own to intensify the whole 'was that all?' kind of countenance she was giving him.

Having slept together or not, she was not suddenly turned into a prissy girl that would giggle and bat her eyelashes at him like a madwoman. Hell, she still didn't like the guy – and didn't see that changing anytime soon – but she had to give it to him; the guy was good between the sheets.

When Eric rolled his eyes slightly, unnoticeable for anyone who hadn't been looking for it, Keena felt like she'd won, just for the tiniest of seconds.

"Answer me initiate." Eric stated, his voice evident with perfectionated boredom. "Yes. Or. No."

So, he was really not going to let this slight…

Fine.

Have it his way. She could hardly defy him any longer with the other initiates watching, but she refused to indulge in his denigrating yes-or-no ultimatum.

"Indeed, too late." She spat.

 _Asshole_ _._

The annoying fucking imbecile 'he had it coming' kind of asshole.

"We don't allow tardiness here at Dauntless."

"I know." She gritted her teeth.

"You, _laps." Eric_ ordered her. "As for the rest of you, it's lunchtime. See you back in 30 minutes."

Jasper snickered before leaving the room with his friends. Her own friends lingered a little bit longer, shooting her apologetic looks.

"I'll bring you some." Lara told her and Keena smiled thankfully at the pretty brunette before the group left the room.

Eric and Four were arguing quietly in the corner of the room. By the looks of it did Four not particularly agree with Eric's punishment, but she couldn't quite hear the words.

"What are you waiting for, Amity?" Eric bellowed at her without as much as turning around. Seriously, did he have eyes in the back of his head?

"How many do I need to run?" She asked.

"Until I tell you to stop." Eric finally turned his head towards her, a smug grin in place of course.

Ugh. She could strangle him.

Or jump him?

Both. Definitely both.

Shaking her head at her own thoughts she started to run.

 **…**

If she had thought Eric's revenge had been over after their nightly adventures and him torturing her sexually for the first part of it… Man how wrong she had been.

She had been running laps for 45 minutes straight now. The other initiates were long since back from lunch and after Four had put them to work he had left two minutes ago to get some food himself as he hadn't left for lunch earlier.

Probably because the good lad didn't trust Eric with her alone.

Sensible.

Neither did she.

All the while, Eric had been sitting on one of the benches, his elbows resting on his wide-spread legs as he sliced his apple into pieces before eating it.

His face was just as stoic as always. Emotionless. Unreadable. Passive. Yet, the glint in his eyes told her not to underestimate him. Every time she slowed down even the tiniest bit, he'd comment on her with some nasty sneer.

She ignored his sad humor.

As well as she did her rumbling stomach. Man she was hungry.

In a way she was glad Eric was back to his malicious self. Whatever had made her open up to him under the shower earlier that morning remained a mystery to her, buy she just knew she didn't want to do it again.

Mentally opening up to him that is.  
Physically speaking…

But, yes. This hostility of making her run and snarling nasty commend her way was a good thing.

You know… If she disregarded the ache in her legs, the forming dizziness and her throbbing head and of course the _unending humiliation_ in front of her peers.

"Good work. For an Amity."  
"Keep it up and you might end up factionless before the end of this training stage."  
"Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic."  
"I suppose you could come in handy when we need a human sacrifice to catch some bullets of the enemy… Easy target."

She hadn't responded to any of the insults, not finding them worth the trouble of snarling back when she was already out of breath by the running alone.

Eric wasn't fond of the fact she was ignoring him, that much had become clear; his sneers became more frequently and each more offending and aggressive than the last. No doubt trying to provoke a reaction out of her.

 _Such a sweetheart._

Well, for what it's worth: Jasper was having the time of his life though. Every time he was just snickering that tiny bit harder than with the last offense against her.

Well, he could laugh until his fucking teeth fell out, she would _not_ take the bait and give Eric the satisfaction of knowing he was getting to her.

Thus, she ran on.

 **…**

When the 45 minutes had turned into an hour, Keena felt - rather than heard or saw – Eric approaching from behind her. She tried to speed up, hoping to outrun him, to no avail.

Only seconds later she was ' _graced'_ with Eric's annoyingly sexy smirking face. She only glanced at him briefly before fixing her gaze firmly to the ground in front of her, but the short glance had been long enough noticing the twinkle in Eric's eyes.

He was up to something.

"You're slacking off again." He taunted, brushing his elbow against her own as they ran side by side.

' _After running for 45 minutes straight? Sue me._ ' Keena thought bitterly but began running even faster nonetheless, ignoring the black spots her vision was starting to see.

The throbbing and nauseating feeling had become more prominent in the last 10 minutes but she kept ignoring it, hoping they would daze off.

And even if it wouldn't, she would honestly rather throw up because she was running her brains out before giving Eric the satisfaction of her giving up.

If he wanted to push her to the ultimate max, fine. So be it. But she would not give in before that happened just so he could have his way with her.

Because that was it.

Keena simply knew Eric was only hoping she'd quit so he could hang her off the damn chasm or do something else spectacularly 'fun'.

The guy was a sadist in heart and soul and although she was quite curious about how creative his twisted brain could get, if it came down to sacrificing herself over it…

Thanks but no thanks.

She roughly snapped back to reality around her when she lost balance right before her cheek collided with the ground.

The bastard had tripped her!

So much for ignoring him.

Coughing up some blood she turned to glare at him before unleashing all the best words from hell on him.

 **EPOV**

Finally she acknowledged his presence.

It had taken a full 60 minutes but at least she finally acknowledged him again.  
There simply had been no fun in taunting her if there was no reaction to enjoy.

Well, he got plenty response now.

She was seriously irked by him. But merely being irked wasn't enough. Not after what she did. He had the urge to push her buttons until she caved.

Why?

Because he could.

And also, because his pride had been wounded, his balls had been shot, he had lost Capture the Flag from Four and he had been sexually frustrated for over a week.

And she had been the girl causing _all of it_.

Last night had been fantastic, but his lust had gotten in the way of his revenge. To say that she held some sort of unknown power over him was an understatement. If Eric was one to believe in magic, he'd been sure she had bewitched him.

She would make him forget all of his revelations he had with as much as her presence.  
She would make him smile when he didn't want to by the mere gleam in her eyes.  
She would turn him on at all times, more often than not without as much as trying.  
She would make him reconsider or doubt his own actions by a single raised eyebrow

Unbeknownst to her, she was making him soft and he absolutely didn't fucking want it! And the fact that she didn't even intended to do so only fueled his anger even more.

Because that meant he had no one other to blame than himself.

Which he did.

Oh, he did. He was absolutely livid at himself, but he was about to unleash all of that brewing anger at her.

Or at least… he had been planning at doing so, but here she was, fucking up his plans again.

As Keena was screaming and shouting what must be the nastiest stream of words she could come up with – which wasn't that spectacularly nasty, considering she did grow up at Amity – Eric couldn't help but be aroused.

From up close he could see her eyes burn with this fierce passion he had grown oh so fond of.

Her words blurred together as he concentrated at the movement and shape of her peachy and plumb lips, remembering how he had bit and kissed and sucked them mere hours ago.

Keena blew a small lock of hair out of her face before pushing herself up off the ground and taking on a guarded stance in front of him before ranting on again.

He caught the last part of her sentence – something about running for an hour straight – before he watched her retreating back as she continued her laps again.

Snapping out of his daze he sprinted after her. How dare _she_ decide when they stopped talking? _He_ was the leader here. She would have to listen to _his commands_.

 _"Running?_ Is _that_ what you call it?" He snarled as he caught up with her. "Don't flatter yourself to a point of absolute embarrassment, Amity, it doesn't suit you."

To his utter surprise, all she did was snort. He didn't know what kind of reaction he had been expecting, but it was definitely notthat.

It slightly put him off balance as she sped up even more.

She was seriously fast, he'd give her that. Not that he had any problem keeping up with her, seeing as his legs were about double the size of her own… Well, not double, but you get the point.

"The only time I've ever seen you run properly is that time when you ran out of my apartment, afraid like the Amity and soon-to-be factionless coward you are." He continued meanly, forgetting there were other people in the room.

She faltered her steps and turned to look at him, eyes blazing. She flicked her eyes quickly over to where the initiates were training and Eric followed her gaze, for the first time noticing they had drawn the attention of everyone in the room.

Fuck.

Although he hadn't said anything that couldn't been fixed with a small bending of the truth, he had come close to revealing something they both didn't want revealed.

Something she had explicitly told him to keep a secret and he had agreed upon.

In a way he had broken the single rule of their weird attachment on the first fucking day.

His eyes snapped back to Keena, hoping she could read the apology in them but something in her countenance shifted. Her expression became unreadable, her eyes dull.

"Yeah, about that…" She began with an icy demeanor, the perfect picture of indifference. "However embarrassing that may have been, I'm sure it couldn't quite surpass the embarrassment you must've felt after I, 'a soon-to-be factionless initiate' shot in the balls during Capture the Flag."

Gasps and stifled laughter could be heard from the onlookers but for the moment being, Eric couldn't care less. His eyes were fully focused on her dull ones as he wondered what he could do to get the spark back into them.

Putting on a show – as to not reveal their secret even more – he roughly grabbed her arm and pushed her forward towards the exit, just as Four reentered.

"What is going on?" He questioned, looking warily over at Keena.

"Train the rest of your initiates." Eric ordered. "This one needs to be taught a lesson." He added a malicious grin that could turn everybody's blood cold. Eric looked over his shoulder at the group. "We don't appreciate bigmouths here at Dauntless, you'd do well to remember that."

With those words they disappeared from sight, leaving behind a worried group of initiates, an internally struggling Four and a wholly satisfied Jasper.

 **KPOV**

She had been stupid to trust him.

He was unpredictable and malicious.  
Arrogant and intolerant.  
Uncaring and greedy.  
A self-serving sadist.

She _knew that._  
 _Had known_ that for _months_ now.

And yet, somewhere in the back of her mind she was still disappointed that he'd thrown away her trust so easily.

Not that the situation couldn't be fixed, because it could: She could still simply tell everyone that he had been hinting on the night after Jasper had thrown the knife at her during training – which was true – and that he had found her on the roof in the snow and brought her to his room because she hadn't had wanted to sleep in the dorms that night – also true.

There was no way anybody would think they had had sex or something like that. The notion alone was ridiculous, everybody with eyes and ears was a witness to their constant fighting, so no, their 'secret' was not out yet.

The only annoying thing was that Eric had painted her like a coward and she saw no better excuse to why she would've run out of his room without being said coward.

So, she guessed she would have to take one 'for the team'.

Not that they were a team.  
Or ever would be of course.

She was pulled from her thoughts as Eric pushed her into a room.

Well, pushed… guided would be closer to the truth. Ever since they were out of the training room his guidance had softened a bit, to a point she'd even call it gentle if she'd been in a less sour mood.

She wasn't.

She was still way too angry with Eric for breaking her trust and with herself for giving him the opportunity.

The guy in question was currently locking the door they just entered behind him and it took Keena a moment to realize they had just entered an office.

 _His office._

It was similar to Max's, for as far as she could remember. But then again, most to all rooms at the Dauntless headquarters looked alike: Dark stone floors, grey walls, no windows. Only the interior made them stand apart really.

Eric guided her to the corner with some couches and chairs situated around a small table. One of the couches was a mustard-yellow, by far the most colorful object in the room and looked extremely comfy.

"What am I doing here?" She asked him with a flat voice, careful to avoid his eyes at all costs.

"Keena." He urged.

She ignored.

"Keena…" He urged again, this time with more power behind it.

"So, what punishment did I deserve?" She continued, disregarding him. "Dusting the floor under the couches with my tongue? Collecting all the unused tacks on my forearm? Or maybe eve-"

She was cut off as Eric's lips attacked her own. It took her a second to adjust to the feeling before battling back for dominance. Whatever she had been about to say, it was lost forever now.

She knew she should pull away, he had definitely not deserved kissing her with his childish behavior today – seriously, was he an infant? – but the moment he stepped closer, she knew she was doomed.

Her hands traced the outline of his muscular arms through his sweater until she reached his neck. With her arms around his neck she managed to push herself upwards, standing on her tiptoes as she leaned into him and started kissing back.

It wasn't a sweet or kind kiss, nor was it one of lust.

The kiss was angry: Both unloading all of their confusing, irritating and scary feelings in it.

When she bit his lip, she bit _hard._  
When he nibbled and pulled her lip, he pulled _hard_ _._

She moaned as his strong bulky arms closed around her, pressing her against his groin. His arms felt so, so… utterly masculine, she supposed.

Yes, masculine. That was the right word to describe Eric.

Whereas her previous sex-buddies had been total boys, Eric was all man. It wasn't that she had ever really liked the 'boy' types, because she hadn't, but she had always, albeit somewhat unconsciously, avoided men.

Until now that is.

They had always spiked her interest, for sure. But she had always maintained a safe distance between them and herself. Not that she could be blamed for her skittishness; she didn't exactly have a good track record with the men in her life.

Her father hadn't been around and her grandfather who had played the role of a father figure in her life had died when she was merely 5. She didn't remember much of him. Amity also never had a male leader since long before she'd been born and the first man she trusted, her biology teacher, turned out to be a pedophile and raped her.

So no. Men had been off limits. Instead, she had always gone for cute but slightly unsatisfactory boys to remain having the upper hand in the situation.

Men were dangerous. They were strong and big and overpowering. With men, she could not possibly be in control and without control, she put herself in danger.

And yet, here she was: Kissing Eric.

Eric was without a doubt a masculine man. He was strong and big and dangerous. And yet, when those arms wrapped around her like they did now, ushering her closer, she felt wanted, protected and safe.

But it was an illusion.

He had showed her as much only minutes ago.

She broke the kiss, ignoring the protest of literally every single cell in her body as she took a step back.

For once she did noting to hide the disappointed look in her eyes as she watched him watch her.

"Eric, what are we doing?" She sighed, when he seemed to be struggling for words.

She expected a cocky grin and some smart-ass reply akin to 'kissing, obviously', but instead he let out a ragged breath as his left hand found her cheek, caressing it softly with his thumb.

He seemed lost in thought.

She let it be.

And so they stood there, in the middle of his office, an awkward space between them as his hand continued to caress her face.

"I apologize." He breathed eventually, dropping his hand from her face. Keena's eyes snapped towards his, looking for any untruth in them: she found none. "For earlier. I apologize." He repeated. "I got carried away."

Slowly, a small grin crept up her face. Leave it to Eric not to be able getting the words 'I'm sorry' out of his mouth. Still, an apology was an apology and it had been more than she had dared hoping for.

"So did I." She smiled an honest smile, partly filled with regret.

Suddenly, the air shifted.

He stretched his arm out, his big rough hand wrapping around her small delicate one as he pulled her closer towards him. His other hand came up to stroke a small curl out of her face and behind her ear before cupping her cheek once again.

His eyes seemed to bore into her soul, leaving her vulnerable and exposed under his gaze. But since last night – or better said this morning – it had become more familiar to her. Somewhere, in the back of her brain, she even started to like the thrill it gave her.

Her heart was beating so hard, she was sure he could hear it.

He was looking at her lips as he closed the distance between their heads.

She wetted them in response.

He softly groaned as he hovered his lips over her own.

She whimpered as they brushed.

The moment his hands grabbed possively at her hips, pulling her up against his rock-hard bulge as he claimed her mouth with a primary groan, a soft knock on the door made them jump apart.

"Eric, Sir. Four called." A woman's voice called out from the other side of the door. "He wants the girl back before he'll explain the next part of training."

Eric rolled his eyes in annoyance. "When's that?"

The woman on the other side of the door hesitated. "Now, sir."

"Thanks Maddy." He dismissed her before reluctantly pulling away from Keena.

"You'd better go and show Four you're still in one piece." He grinned. "He's lucky, because I was just about to fuck you into two halves."

"Raff, down boy." Keena chuckled, winking at him as she made her way towards the door. Just before she could open it however, she was spun around and pushed into it, Eric's obvious enthusiasm pressing in all the right places. He trailed his lips from her mouth, over her jaw before stopping by her ear.

"Come to me tonight." It wasn't a question.

Keena buried her own face into his neck, breathing in his smell. Playfully biting him, he growled before she pushed him off of her, making him stumble back a bit.

"We'll see." She replied coyly before opening the door and stepping through it.

She didn't look back as she walked away.

But maybe, _just maybe_ , she swayed her ass just that tiny bit more.


	26. Chapter 26: Is it tomorrow yet?

**As always: thank you for all the reads/follows/favs/reviews! It means a lot.**

 **For the readers who are bothered by my spelling and grammatical errors: I m really truly sorry! I took it upon myself to go back and scan my earlier chapters and I was slightly put out about the many mistakes I detected on my own already. If I find the time I might go back and correct those spelling errors during the holidays... but yeah, a** **beta would probably be a good idea (I ll always be a dyslexic Dutchie after all).**

 **I m not quite sure where to find a beta quickly though (if one of you is willing to take on the task, feel free to offer). But for now my writing will have to make do.**

 **Although I hope that when you're still reading my story at this point (chapter 26!) I can somewhat safely assume that the storyline is slightly making up for the grammar mistakes (fingers crossed).**

 **Without further ado: on with the story.**

 **As always, enjoy!**

 **KPOV**

Entering the training room, her friends practically fell over her.

"Are you alright?"  
"What did Eric do to you?"  
"Thank god you're back!"  
"What was your punishment?"

Keena laughed as they bombarded her with questions.

"As you all can see, I survived just fine." Keena grinned as Lara took a closer inspection.

"You look unharmed." The confusion was evident in her voice.

"Because I am. Physical pain isn't nearly as torturous to me as boring paperwork." She winked at Mira who nodded in agreement.

"Ew, yeah. I second that." Mira pulled Keena in for a quick hug. "What did he mean though, about you running out of his apartment?" Mira tried to sound casual but the former Candor was not good enough an actor for Keena to buy it.

Keena simply knew she wouldn't be able to avert attention from this question.

Thus, she threw them a bone.

"You remember that day when Jasper threw a knife?" All of her friends nodded in response. "Eric found me on the roof. It had been snowing so I was a bit hypothermic and he brought me inside but because I didn't want to run into Jasper in the dorms, he brought me to his place to keep an eye on me as I hadn't taken any painkillers."

"Why didn't he just bring you to the infirmary?" Gale asked confused while Jonah took over. "Yeah, why the hell weren't you there to begin with? You were hurt pretty bad, if I recall correctly." The rest shivered at the memory of Keena's bleeding skull.

"I… ugh." Keena stuttered.

Should she tell them? These were her _friends._ Could she trust them with something so small and insignificant yet so personal all at the same time?

 _Either way, telling them would be a brave thing to do._

"Because I'm not quite fond of doctors." Keena told them, averting her eyes to the ground. "The total opposite in fact." It came out as half a choke and half a murmur but it was as good an admission they were gonna get. She didn't need to spell her fears out for them.

Jonah looked like he was about to continue his cross-examination but Mira – bless her soul – elbowed him in his ribs, successfully shutting him up before he could utter another word.

"We're forgetting what's really important here." Mira grinned wickedly, her eyes shining with delight. "What does his apartment look like?"

Keena laughed. "Hello! I _did_ have a severe concussion at the time, remember?"

"Ah, come on. Give us _one_ thing."

Keena pretended to dig deep into the far crevices of her brain to bring back the memory. "Well, he has a ridiculous big kitchen. It's beautiful with bl-"

"Boring!" Mira yelled, swinging her arm over Keena's shoulder. "Leave it to the Amity to be fond of preparing carrots."

"Yeah, well…" Keena shoved her away playfully. "Leave it to the Candor to be such a _dick_ about it."

The two girls grinned at each other while Lara and the boys looked on rolling their eyes. They were by now used to Mira and Keena's banters.

"Girls night tonight?" Lara opted, electing an enthusiastic 'hell yeah!' from the other two girls. Keena hadn't planned on going to Eric's tonight anyway. The guy could command whatever he want, but she was not his fucking slave. No, he had been an immense dickhead all day, so she would make him wait a little bit longer.

She would go… eventually, just not tonight.

If only just to be cross with him. She loved riling him up after all. It was then and only then that his impeccable mask slipped off and she got to see a glimpse of that passionate nature underneath.

"Great! Girls night it is then." Lara clapped her hands gleefully.

"Wait. You mean to tell me Mira is a girl?" Jasper taunted while roaming his eyes over Mira's beautifully willowy – but less than curvy body – with a look of disdain. "Could've fooled me."

Where did _he_ suddenly come from?

Jonah was steaming. He looked like he was a second away from attacking Jasper, Four's presence in the room the only thing withholding him from acting on his impulses. Acting out would not be a smart move if he wanted to keep his points, still it was cute that he was so protective of Mira.

Stepping in, Keera shrugged unimpressed. "Yeah, her having a vagina didn't stop me either from thinking she had more balls than you." She flashed Jasper an innocent smile before winking at Mira who gave her a grateful smile in return. "Feel free to take notes."

Jasper looked furious but was deprived from the ability to answer because Four was walking their way.

Jasper leaned over to Keena. "This isn't over yet, midget." He sneered into her ear, walking off just as Four brushed past them and stopped in the door opening right next to the little clique. Four gave Keena a 'not so subtle' once-over, probably to check her state of wellbeing after her one-on-one time with Eric. Apparently glad about what he found, he nodded once contently before clearing his throat, electing the attention of everyone in the room.

"Initiates, follow me!" He bellowed.

And so they did.

 **…**

"Oke, tell us." Mira practically beamed as the girls sat down in some shady bar in the pit after dinner. Keena had been the one to pick it out. Obviously. "Who was it? Was he any good? Do we know him?" The raven-haired girl in the booth across from Keena wiggled her eyebrows.

At Keena's skeptical look, she continued.

"Don't pretend we're daft, Keen. You might not ever be in the dorms when we wake up, but you've always had breakfast with us. This morning you weren't in the dining hall _and_ you were too late at training. Oh, and don't get me started on those hickeys and scratch marks you're trying to cover up with concealer – very poorly job by the way." Mira pursed her lips in an attempt to reel in her obvious amusement.

To Mira's surprise however, Keena laughed out loud herself. "Alright, alright. Geez, was it really that obvious?" Keena whined as they nodded their heads in confirmation. "Just as obvious as Mira and Jonah are?" She asked Lara, who laughed and nodded again. Mira's grin had disappeared, however.

"What?! We aren't obvious! We aren't _anything_ really, just friends." Her voice died off.

At this both Lara and Keena laughed out loud, shaking their heads in disbelieve.

"I'm telling the truth." Mira grimaced. "Our parents were friends back at Candor, we saw each other a lot growing up. I'm like a little sister to him."

"He sure doesn't look at you like a sister." Lara grinned. "Or if _that's_ the way brothers are supposed to look at their sisters, I'm glad I don't have one. It looks all very disturbing and incestuous."

"I second that." Keena pointed her thumb at Lara next to her, not taking her gaze off of Mira. "Seriously, are you blind? The guy was seconds away from killing Jasper this afternoon. Just because he insulted you." Keena told her, reassuringly. "That has to count for something."

Mira gruntingly agreed, albeit still not totally convinced. "Talking about Jasper," She daftly averted the attention from herself. Keena knew that trick, she had pulled it herself less than two minutes ago. "Is there something you want to tell us, Lara-dear?"

Mira batted her eyelashes sweetly at the brown-haired girl, who blushed prettily in response. "No." Lara said firm, fumbling with her fingers under the table. "I told you to quit it, Mira." She bit.

Keena looked between the girls confused. _What the hell was going on here?_ When Mira spotted her questioning look she started to explain.

"This morning in the dorms…" Mira started gleefully.

"Mira, shut up." Woah, did that just come out of Lara's mouth? They must be rubbing off on her.

"But –"

"No."

When Mira opened her mouth, fully intending on disregarding Lara's wishes, Lara jumped up and desperately tried to shut her friend's mouth with a hand of her own, practically climbing over the table to do so. "Jasper came walking out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist just when Lara and I entered." Mira laughed, swatting away Lara's hand.

"Mira! Stop it!" Lara warned, glaring at the girl in front of her who daftly avoided all her attempts to clam up her mouth. It was the angriest either of the girls had ever seen Lara.

It was weird.  
 _Funny_ , but weird.

Mira paid Lara's whines no mind, rolling the eyes at the girl as she continued her story. "Lara practically ran into him, stepping on his toes as she did. Jasper hissed and was about to lash out at whomever had stomped him on his toes, but as soon as his eyes found Lara's they both just stood there and stared at each other. Like _crazy_ long. All the while, I was standing there with my mouth agape until I had the decency to pull Lara away from his very much naked chest. It was so strange!"

About halfway through the story, Lara had given up her attempts to shut her friend up and was now sitting slumped in the corner of the booth, sipping her Ice Tea with an annoyed look on her face.

"She's exaggerating." She told Keena without diverting her glare from Mira. "It wasn't _that_ long. Maybe five seconds."

"Ten."

"Five."

"Ten."

"Five."

"Whatever… Ten though."

Lara huffed frustratedly and Keena rubbed the girl's back soothingly, shooting Mira a look not to push it, although Keena couldn't stop the grin on her face. Mira grinned back in response.

"So, Jasper, hm?" Keena asked. "I mean, he's the strongest most muscular guy in our initiation group. You could do worse."

"You're kidding right?" Lara snapped her head towards Keena, her brown eyes round in obvious confusion. "He's a total prick. I don't like him."

"Sometimes, you don't have to _like_ someone to feel attracted to them." Keena told her with a slim smile on her face.

Hell, she didn't _like_ Eric either, but he still was the hottest guy around. He frustrated her to a point of complete madness, willing to pull every single hair out of her head, but the guy still attracted her in a way others hadn't even come close to.

Not by a long shot.

"Besides, he might be an ass to me, Mira and everyone else, but I have never heard him utter one mean word to or about you." Keena continued. She really hadn't. Thinking about it, Jasper seemed to always look up Lara's eyes whenever he came near them to taunt someone of their little group - usually Keena.

Often he left after receiving one pleading look from Lara too. Keena had always appointed it to the fact that Lara and Jasper had been neighbors back at Erudite: When in a new situation people tended to stick with what was familiar, regardless of that something being good or bad. Now however, it seemed she had to change her previous thoughts.

The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced they'd make a great team. Lara needed someone who wasn't afraid to go after what he wanted. Someone mentally strong and a bit harsher than her slightly docile nature, although still gentle for her. Jasper on his turn could seriously use someone as kind as Lara to even out his cruelness.

Yes, they'd rub off on each other very nicely.

That wasn't to say Keena was suddenly fond of the guy. Hell, saying she could 'tolerate' him was already a big overstatement. But if she had to be totally honest with herself she didn't hate him either.

She'd always loved a good debate and although Jasper had an hostility she could do without, he _did_ make the day a little bit more interesting and fun with being such a lousy excuse of an ass.

"An _ass_ to you?" Lara yelped. "He tried to _kill_ you, Keena. _Kill. You._ "

Right. That happened.

Was it weird she forgot about that?

"'Tried' being the keyword here." Keena pursed her lips before a amusing thought sprang to mind. "Maybe if you date him he will finally leave me alone! Do it for my safety, Lara! Help a friend out!" Keena laughed out loud while her two friends stared back at her with blanc expressions on their faces.

"She's mad." Mira whispered to no one in particular. "How can you joke about this?"

Keena merely shrugged in response.

What could she say?

For some unexplainable reason the knife Jasper had thrown her way little over a week ago didn't feel significant at all. She had been shocked at the moment itself for sure, but that was only because certain images had flashed through her mind like vague memories.

Memories nothing to do with the snobbish and annoying Erudite boy.

Also, even if she had died, she wouldn't have minded too much. Don't get her wrong, she didn't _want_ to die, but she had never had an aversion against it either. She was curious about what came next and especially during her early childhood the idea of finding out whether or not her afterlife would be better than her current life had occurred to her on a daily basis.

Maybe that's why she'd been first jumper too: Whatever would come after the jump – salvation or death – neither had scared her.

"One action does not make a man." Keena sighed eventually. "Everyone does awful things at one point in their lives. Whether that action is unforgivable or not is up to each individual to decide. Just know _I_ won't hold it against you if you _do_ like him."

Lara nodded and they sat in silence for a bit until Mira blew out a low whistle. "Sooo," She started, breaking the awkward silence that had befell them. "I overheard two Dauntless girls the other day. Apparently there's going to be some awesome Christmas Party in three weeks' time. It's supposed to be Dauntless members only but I'm sure we can get in." Mira grinned devilishly. "Who's up for shopping?"

The other two happily agreed.

 **EPOV**

She hadn't come.

 _All_ _fucking_ _night_ he had waited for her to show up until he eventually passed out on his couch, but the fact remained she still hadn't fucking showed up.

To say he was pissed, was understating the understatement.

He was livid. Fuming. Absolutely murderous: Like a bull seeing red, ready to attack. And like said bull, he stormed off heading for the dorms, fully intending on waiting her up. He knew it wouldn't take too long since she, like himself, was an early riser too.

As luck would have it, he didn't have to wait at all. He saw Keena coming out of the dorms just when he rounded the corner of its hallway. She didn't notice him; she had her eyes cast upon the floor for the most part, shooting some quick little glances over her shoulder backwards to the dorms. He settled on waiting her up, arms folded as he went to stand in the middle of the hallway, his pissed-off leader mask firmly in place. When her eyes eventually spotted the tips of his shoes, Keena came to an abrupt halt, her big green eyes drifting up until they locked on his blue ones.

One look at her face made all of his fuming anger disappear and being replaced with something else and fairly rare to him: worry.

She looked _awful_.

She tried to cover it up, of course; the skin around her eyes wrinkled in seeming mirth as her signature fake-smile was quickly set in place. But just like the day before, her eyes missed that spark he was so fond of. Instead they were looking at him dully and unfocused.

"What's wrong with you?" _She_ asked mockingly – unbeknownst asking the question he'd been thinking. If he wasn't witnessing her empty eyes during that very same moment, he would've been sure to miss anything out of the ordinary about her. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I might as well be looking at one now." Eric snarled back. "You look like shit."

He wanted to ask what was wrong, but that would mean that he _actually cared_ and he _never_ cared about the mental wellbeing of the girls he slept with. If they had troubles they wanted to talk about, he was not the man to turn to. He'd happily make them forget their problems by fucking all coherent thoughts away though, no questions asked.

Not that Keena would tell him (or anyone else) any of her troubles anyway. He got the distinct feeling she'd rather die than to trust someone enough to share her demons with.

 _Too bad for her stage two of initiation was starting in a month._

Keena grinned an honest smile at him. "Well, well, would you look at _that_. Did someone follow a course at Candor?" _Cheeky little…_

He gave her a scowl.

Her grin grew bigger.

"Oh, I see. A course at Amity then? I must say, it paid off. You truly are like the Big Friendly Giant when you sweettalk me like that." She said innocently, one eyebrow raised as she roamed her eyes over his much bigger body.

"Cute." He snapped back sarcastically, eyes narrowing in on her.

She shrugged. "I aim to please."

Her challenging eyes locked onto his and Eric was pleased to see the fire had returned in them. Looking into her big bold blazing eyes he couldn't help the immediate arousal that made it feel as if his jeans was three sizes too small… around his crotch anyway.

"You didn't come last night." He stated, cursing himself for how accusing his voice sounded – _like he cared_ – while taking a step closer to her. She didn't back down but instead lifted her chin in the air and furrowed her brows.

"Well spotted." She lifted an eyebrow as he remained silent, stepping even closer while their eyes never broke the contact between them.

He saw the golden spots in her eyes twinkle. She was enjoying challenging him way too much.

Annoyingly enough, so did he.

As time passed, the unspoken challenge was unmistakable: Neither wanted to be the first to look away and so they stood there, staring each other down in the middle of the hallway for what must be minutes long until Eric eventually snapped and lifted her up only to throw her over her shoulder cave-man style.

She yelped in surprise and struggled against him when he started walking. "What are you doing?" She laughed, not stopping her efforts attempts to break free. He loved that laugh.

No. _No_. Coulters did not ' _love'_ anything.

"Be silent woman. Or do you want people to wake up and come to see for themselves what all that screaming is about so early in the morning?"

"Bastard." She bit back. He couldn't actually see her but he just knew there was a smile on her face. It felt surprisingly good.

Her struggles stopped but it took her only four seconds before she spoke again. "Where are we going?" Her voice was different now, more relaxed. Content even.

"My apartment."

"Let me walk, we'll be there faster."

For some reason, he didn't care. He liked carrying her, holding her and touching her as they made their way there. He didn't want to lose contact again, even if it was only for a few minutes.

"No." He simply said.

Her foot came out, moving its way toward his crotch before pressing it gently onto his cock that instantly hardened in response. "Are you sure?" She asked coyly, rubbing her foot over his growing bulge.

Fuck.

He hissed but continued his walking, which _had_ become a lot more difficult with a fully erect cock. "You are the devil." He murmured, knowing full well that she was grinning.

Fuck this. He couldn't wait.

Lifting her back over his shoulder he pushed her roughly against the wall, her body pressing into hers immediately. Her legs locked around his waist as he pressed his lips hard on that cheeky little mouth of hers.

Licking her lips, he pretended to actually ask permission for entrance for once, but before she even had a chance to respond he was already forcing his tongue into her hot and soft mouth. It was a sharp contrast to her cold hands that found their way under his shirt, marking him with the tips of her fingernails. He caressed her tongue with his own, extricating cute little sounds from her all the while moving his hips up and down to meet hers.

She slightly broke away from their kiss and panted in his mouth as her nails dug deep into his muscular shoulders. He pressed his hips into her a little more, a throaty moan escaping her lips as she lolled her head back against the wall. He looked down at the swell of her breasts, heaving up and down with each ragged breath she took, only just now noticing the delicious V-neck shirt she was wearing, displaying just enough cleavage for his liking.

Letting out a growl, he bit onto the soft flesh of her exposed neck, his hands caressing up her body only to stop when cupping her breasts. His thumbs shot out and rubbed over her stiff nipples as she let out yet another strangled moan.

Her moans were like drugs to him.

Her hips were bucking up and down against his shaft with the same amount of desperation for friction he himself had. He bit down on her neck hard before sucking it equally as rough. Breaking away he was pleased to see the new bruising: a new mark so other guys knew she was taken.

He wanted her for himself.  
 _Needed_ her for himself.

All of her.

"Eric?" Her voice sounded guarded. "Did you hear that?"

He hadn't.

Briefly stopping the movements with his hips and mouth he listened closely. She was right. Two voices were nearing.

Stepping away he put her down back on the ground. "Come on." He told her, taking her hand and pulling her behind him in the way opposite of the approaching voices.

They ran to his apartment hand in hand, stopping a few times whenever he felt like pulling her back against him into a kiss that left her breathless each time.

This was nothing like him. Nothing how he'd ever behaved in his entire life before, nor had he ever wanted to. And yet he couldn't help but love every part of it. He was happy and content, aroused and excited.

Finally reaching his apartment, he fumbled with the lock briefly before holding the door open for him to enter before him. Flashing a middle finger at the security camera that was hanging in the hallway – just in case Zeke would be watching this later – he stepped into his apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

Keena was already out of her shirt when his eyes found her next. "I have to be in the dining hall by seven am. So, we only have one hour." She told him as she pulled down her pants and panties, now standing in front of him in all her naked glory.

If he'd been his fourteen-year-old self, he was sure he would've ejaculated in his pants. She was beyond beautiful. Her small waistline emphasized how slim she was, but it was nicely event out by her perfect round arse and generous breasts, giving her that perfect hourglass-figure all the girls would be jealous over. Her breasts, although full, still stood proud and perky in the air, her nipples at present swollen red by her obvious arousal.

Eric tried to memorize the love-bites and scratches from the night before that covered her entire body. For some reason those - _his_ \- red and purple marks on her fair skin released some primal wantonness from deep within. His dick was pulsing painfully, desperate to escape the confinement of his jeans.

Her challenging eyes considered him for a moment before a mischievous smile formed on her lips. Slowly, she lifted one finger to her mouth, sucking it gently before letting it trail down to one of her enflamed nipples, rubbing it gently.

All Eric could do was standing there: His back leaning against the door in an attempt to steady him as he watched her with his mouth slightly agape. It was amazing how he could both feel content and incompetent all at the same time: He was too aroused to easily move but at the same time he was totally content (and slightly starstruck) with just watching her.

She stepped closer to him, her big green eyes looking up at him from under her eyelashes. "What are you waiting for?" She asked him cheekily.

When he didn't reply she rolled her eyes and turned around. "Well, suit yourself if you want to guard the door. I'll be perfectly fine entertaining myself." She winked at him and made her way towards his bedroom, laughing out loud when he followed her with an animalistic roar.


	27. Chapter 27: Rough Recollections

**Lovely readers,**  
 **Thanks for all the support through reading, following, favoring and reviewing my work! It means a lot.**

 **As for Yuyuxx: I love your eagerness and you seem to be reading my mind regarding Eric's jealousy at the Christmas party. However, I'm struggling with the more smut part. On the one hand I really want to add more of it, but on the other hand I don't want to lose sight of the story line, which is something I've noticed happening a lot in many other smut-stories. But yes, I'll take your opinion into consideration and will probably add more smut along the way. Either way, this next chapter will hopefully be to your liking (dirty old trash alert!).**

 **For the readers who don't like smut: This is a M-rated story now, but feel free to ask for a smut-free version anytime if you were already reading this before I changed it from T to M.**

 **I'll be posting the Christmas party somewhere between now and Christmas.**

 **Lots of love and enjoy!  
Please review if you find the time!**

 **EPOV**

Eric was standing in one of the relatively abandoned parts of the Dauntless headquarters, quietly hidden in the shadows of the robust rocks that made up the cave-like hallways.

Four's training would be ending any minute, and if he knew Keena good enough by now – which he did - she would pass through here on her way to the chasm.

She did that often, spending her time alone there after training hours. 'To think' she once told him during pillow talk when he'd asked her about it, although she never elaborated on the 'what about' question that followed. Leave it to her to find peace and 'quiet' in such a deathly and noisy place.

She truly was an intriguing person.

 _Odd_ , but intriguing.

And the more he got to know her, the more he wanted to know. It was a never-ending circle.

For the past 3 weeks, he and Keena had been sneaking around, meeting up whenever they could. For sexual purposes _only_ of course.

Or so they kept telling themselves.

Tori however kept persisting there was going on more between them.

FLASHBACK

 _"_ _Okay… Enough!" Tori hissed from the other side of the table as she put her glass down with a loud smash, pulling Eric out of his daydream. He had been reliving one of his rendezvous with Keena. "Enough with the secrecy, the drooling, the daydreams and especially enough with all those sickening happy little chuckles you have as of late! It's creeping me out!"_

 _Eric raised an eyebrow in challenge. "I don't know what you're talking about." His voice was firm, ending all possible discussion._

 _Or so was the intention._

 _Tori however couldn't care less._

 _She never did._

 _She laughed. "I don't care that you're screwing the Amity, as long as you remember that you're Eric for fuck's sake! Arrogant. Grumpy. Reckless. Dangerous. Those are words to describe you. Not fucking whipped and a love-sick puppy."_

 _"_ _She hasn't got me_ _whipped_ _." Eric was quick to defend himself with his authoritative 'leader voice' he barely used when directed at friends._

 _One look at Tori however made him realize his mistake._

 _He had accidently admitted to having sexy with Keena and by the way Tori was grinning up at him, this had been her end-goal all along._

 _"_ _Don't worry." She smiled smugly. "Your dirty little secret's safe with me."_

 _It was silent for a bit, both looking over at the girl in question who was sitting a few tables down, talking amiably with her friends._

 _"_ _Are Amities really as flexible as the rumors make them out to be?" Yes, they were - or at least Keena was - but he was not about to tell Tori that, or anyone else for that matter. Eric had more self-respect than to brag about his sex life. Or at least since it involved Keena._

 _Eric looked at her annoyed, which only resulted in Tori's grin to grow._

 _"_ _Shit, you_ _really_ _like her." It wasn't a question. Tori quickly dodged the piece of bread he threw her way and laughed at the murderous glare he was giving her. "Who would've guessed, the big bad Dauntless leader falling for the petite Amity-transfer."_

 _The wisest thing to do would be to ignore her on the subject, but Tori somehow always knew exactly what buttons to press to get a reaction out of him. She simply made it impossible for him to ignore her statements, whether they were true or utterly ridiculous._

 _It was incredibly annoying, but he also respected her for it, which had ultimately led to them becoming friends._

 _"_ _I'm not_ _falling_ _for her." Spotting the eyeroll Tori gave him, he added: "She's merely a good fuck."_

 _It was true, wasn't it? He was just having some sex with her, nothing more or less. Yes, granted, he had never fucked another girl as often as he had her, nor did other girls interest him nearly as much as she did but that was only because she was mysterious._

 _Once he'd solved her, unraveled the enigma she represented and knew how that interesting brain of her worked, he'd be done with her, just like he'd been done with all the girls who came before her. For now it was fun, but the fun would come to an end and he would not lose one moment's sleep over it._

 _"_ _Wake up Eric." Tori told him seriously, all mirth had disappeared from her face. "You might not want to but you do like her." At the horrified look he gave her she lifted her finger and pointed it at him. "Don't you dare fucking this up for yourself. You deserve it."_

 _For the first time in a very long time, Eric was at a loss for words. Honestly, what could he say to such a thing? Was it true? He certainly didn't hope so._

 _Before he could come up with anything useful to say, Tori stood up. "Don't fuck this up." She warned again before she left the dining hall, leaving him alone with his thoughts._

END OF FLASHBACK

This had been one week ago and he had refused to think on the subject ever since.

He? In love? The notion was ridiculous.

But what exactly did it take to label yourself as in love?

He liked spending time with her, more than anything really, but then again, they had a lot of sex and sex was always an enjoyable activity to waste your time with. Would it be different if it was with another girl?

Yes.

He would not be willing to cancel or reschedule his plans to have sex with just anybody. No, she was the only girl he'd ever been willing to do that for. The fact of him standing here, hidden in the shadows and waiting her up instead of working was a good example of that.

 _Hell, why was he even standing here?_

They hadn't made plans for this afternoon. They never did, their rendezvous were usually during the late nights or early mornings, depending on their plans – well, _her_ plans to be exact. As established, he was more than willing to move his plans around to fit her into his schedule, without her ever asking him to do so.

But, what did that mean? Liking to spend time with someone wasn't nearly enough criteria to label himself 'in love' just yet. So, what else?

Did he think about her a lot? Yes. When she wasn't near to tease him in real life, she somehow managed to tease him anyway through plaguing his mind with memories of her. It had distracted him in quite a few unfavorable times these past few weeks and it was his current reason for being here as well. He just hadn't been able to concentrate on his boring paperwork any longer.

Next: Did he feel good around her? Yes. He had always been a prideful and arrogant man, finding himself superior to many, _many_ others and yet, never had he felt _so_ powerful and ready to conquer the world as when he was with her, if that made sense. When he was down, she was sure to cheer him up without her trying to: just her presence was enough although he would rather die than to have her know that little fact. Also, when he was pissed-off about something at work, she would calm him down on instant just with one of those mischievous little glints in her beautiful bottle green eyes.

His anger would quickly turn into another rather passionate emotion, but even after they got _that_ out of the way, they would lie in a big tangled mess of sheets together and she would poke and pry until he relented and shared a bit about his troubles. On her turn she'd give her him her opinion on the matter, which annoyingly _never_ aligned with his own views on the situation but try as he might, she was more often right than not.

Ok, next: Was he jealous when it came to her? Hell yes! All she had to do was hug a guy, no restate: all a guy had to do was to look at her in the wrong way to make his blood boil. Even thinking about her with someone else had him see red. Besides, literally no fucker in Dauntless would be good enough for her: they weren't smart enough for her, not by a long shot.

Dauntless were in a way quite similar to Candors. No, the former didn't bare their souls and thoughts out on the table for anyone to see like the latter would, but when it came down to showing emotions, Dauntless _dared_ to honestly display them just as intensely and 'in your face' as Candors might.

Keena was nothing like that. The girl might not be a liar but she was far from honest. A master in deception: hiding all of her true self behind those endless smiles on her face.

No, most (if not all other) Dauntless men wouldn't try to understand her the way _he_ did, nevermind actually doing just that: understanding her. Hell, they probably wouldn't even notice anything was amiss to begin with and because of that they would never even come close to giving Keena what she needed. Or deserved.

They would only date her out of shallow reasons; because she was a pretty girl with a mischievous grin. Pleasing to the eye at and spectacular in bed.

That's not to say that Eric didn't enjoy her great looks and adventurous playful mind between the sheets, but he at the very least was hooked by her mind as well. That had to count for something right?

But what exactly did he hope it counted for? Was it to give himself a reason why he deserved to have her _now_ , or was it to give him a confirmation that he was good enough to _keep_ her?

Fuck! What kind of pathetic thoughts was he having?

Was Tori right after all?  
Did he love her?

Eric despised that word: Love.

He always thought it sounded like a bunch of desperate middle-aged woman made up a word to describe their reason for marrying a man they didn't desire nor respect. A marriage done not out of friendship or lust or kindness but merely to escape their own otherwise petty futures as spinsters.

He had thought people used the word loved to give a positive twist on their own selfish reasoning. Sugarcoating some rotten truth, as it were.

Maybe he had been wrong.

Maybe love wasn't the question whether one respected, liked, lusted _or_ desired a person. Maybe love consisted out of not one but _all_ of these emotions and so much more; pressing them all together into one basal emotion _so_ majestic and penetrating to the core that a new word had to be invented for it.

Love.

An emotion so strong you both craved and feared it.

If that was the case, he suddenly understood where the phrase 'being lovesick' came from.

The more he thought about it, the more awful it sounded. He had been able to manage the concept of love when he thought about it as some unrealistic fairytale, but now it suddenly became a wholly tangible threat.

If he were to fall in love with Keena, he was sure to lose his detached and emotionless personality and with that his sharp and logical mind.

He didn't need any of that shit.

If one thing had been drilled into him during his life at Erudite, it was to never get attached. A clinical and objective mind was a must if you wanted to excel in anything in life and Eric wanted to excel.

He was an overachiever if you ever saw one.

This particular personality trait wasn't hard to place either. He spent his entire youth trying to live up to his parents' impossible standards, never able to reach them. They tried to ignore him - their _incompetent_ son - for the biggest part of his existence, leaving him to do the absolute utmost to gain their attention by making them proud.

He never did.

But even after he changed factions, the overachieving trait never left. Old habits die hard, he supposed.

Long story short, developing feelings for Keena was not an option. But what if Tori was right? What if he already liked her? The mere fact of him standing here on the middle of the day, waiting her up to get a moment alone with her when they hadn't even made any plans to meet up… If that was any indication…

Shit.

He was screwed.

He needed to get the hell away from here before she came. He needed something to punch his fist against until they were bleeding and he felt sane again.

Stepping away from the walls and out of the shadows of the empty corridor, he fully intended to make his way towards the training rooms but instead he found himself standing eye to eye with the certain green-eyed girl he had been hoping to avoid.

Looking into her sparkling orbs with golden flecks however, he couldn't remember why he'd ever wanted to avoid her in the first place. All his troubled thoughts had disappeared with one fucking single look at her.

Fuck.

He still didn't know what love was exactly, but if this was it, he would manage.

 **KPOV**

"Eric?" Keena frowned. The corridor was dark and the only light was coming from behind him so she could only make out his silhouette. Not that it mattered, she'd recognize him anywhere. Hell, she'd recognize him with her eyes closed – the smell of him, the way her skin tingled when he looked at her, it all made it impossible to mistake him for someone else. "What are you doing here?"

A slow smile crept on his face and her stomach was having that weird experience again: the one where she felt sick and great all at once. She seemed to have those a lot lately, around Eric that is. But this time the twists and turns in her stomach were even more prominent because of his smile.

Wait a minute… Eric never smiled.

Except when something violent was about to happen.

Something was up.

The fluttering sensation of her stomach disappeared on instant and she quickly scanned the corridor for traps, there had to be something she'd missed. When she found nothing out of the ordinary, she looked back up at him through narrowed eyes, her distrust crystal-clear for anyone to see.

"Woah, little Dauntless." Eric was suddenly in front of her, all of the space between them somehow disappeared. "The least you could do is _pretend_ to be happy to see me."

Keena rolled her eyes, smirking at him.

"Like you ' _pretended'_ to be happy to see me this morning?" Giving him a once-over, lingering on his crotch. "If you want people to find out about us, you were halfway there, that's for sure."

Eric narrowed his eyes at her, not amused by the memory of that morning's training when he'd been unable to suppress his attraction towards her. She had tried to cover it up by standing in front of him until he hissed that a view on her 'perfect ass' would only make matters worse. Little after he had left the training room, not to return again for the rest of the day.

"Only because _you_ had given me blue balls not even an hour before." He told her in his menacing voice, stepping closer and obviously trying very hard to keep his 'annoyed' mask in place.

Keena laughed as she recollected the memory.

FLASHBACK

 _"_ _Where do you think you're going?" Eric snarled harshly, smashing his hand against the door to slam it shut. She had never seen him coming._

 _Keena turned around slowly, his ice-blue eyes seemingly glowing in the dark. He was dressed in his impeccable birthday suit, a lazy grin on his face as she slowly let her eyes roam over his body, checking him out._

 _She had been careful not to wake him. Which, seeing the spoon-position she'd found herself in, had been a hard thing to accomplish. Or tried to anyway, because the fact she was currently looking at him only testified for her failure._

 _After their third time of sex that early morning he had fallen asleep while spooning her from behind, his nose nuzzled in her hair. It had been the first time he'd fallen asleep in her presence and for some unexplainable reason it had felt… significant._

 _She would lie if she'd say she hadn't enjoyed it: His deep and evened-out breathings had worked calming and his relaxed arm draped over her waist had felt protecting. She had laid there for as long as she could, enjoying the serenity it brought her, but eventually she had needed to get up to get ready for the day, and maybe have some breakfast with her friends for the first time this week._

 _"_ _I asked a question." Eric stated impatiently._

 _Stupid move, Eric._

 _He should know by now that being impatient would only make her act in the total opposite way of what was desired._

 _So, she yawned._

 _Slowly._

 _Very, very slowly as she stretched one arm out next to her while putting the other in a tiny fist in front of her mouth._

 _Eric scowled.  
Keena grinned._

 _Eric raised an eyebrow, daring her to continue her little act of disobedience.  
Keena stared back at him defiantly as he waited for her to reply. _

_Keena rolled her eyes as time passed and neither made a move.  
Eric growled in frustration and seemed to debate whether to punish or kiss her. _

_"_ _Yes." She told him eventually after a long silence. "Yes, you did."_

 _He casted her a murderous look.  
She flashed him a full-on smile._

 _"_ _So?" He snapped, not able to contain his fierce irritation._

 _"_ _So… I heard." She smiled at him sweetly._

 _He made a face akin to an angry toddler.  
She bit her lip not to burst in to laughter._

 _He cursed under his breath before closing the distant and roughly pushing her up against the door, his mouth hungrily on her own._

 _"_ _Obstinate" He growled, ghosting his lips along her jaw. "Cunning." His hands grabbed her hips possessively. "Little." He pushed his hard-on between her legs, pressing right onto her clit. "Minx."_

 _She couldn't hold back the whimper that escaped her._

 _He was huge. Again.  
Seriously, was the man ever not-turned on?_

 _Not that she was one to talk, she could literally feel herself heating up already: She just loved it when she made Eric snap like this. Out came this fervent passionate beast, incapable of controlling both her and himself._

 _Wild. Untamable. Raw.  
Treacherous. Exhilarating. Real._

 _"_ _I'll take that as a compliment." She smiled devilishly up at him._

 _"_ _Good." He smirked "It was one."_

 _Eric lowered his head and started to suck at that little spot right under her ear he knew to be one of her weak spots. Keena's legs buckled as he rubbed himself against her clit, over and over again. Her legs were made out of jelly as he continued his attentions on her neck and jaw, biting and kissing and sucking the soft skin while his hands were unashamedly fondling her breasts through the thin fabric of her shirt._

 _He claimed her mouth in a slow sensual kiss, tongues dancing around each other in circles as she relished in the taste of him. She squirmed against him, grinding her hips over his cock, wanting him closer. Needing him closer._

 _Keena knew Eric was of the same mind as her and both their breathings got heavier._

 _Ragged._

 _Hot._

 _He pushed her into the wooden door deeper than was supposed to be possible, both of them loving the friction of their bodies pressed together like one._

 _She let her hands roam over his naked body, ending with taking his cock in her hands and rubbing her thumb over the head, loving the way Eric hissed and threw his head back. He let her take control for a change and arched his back, rolling himself into her as she continued her stroking._

 _When he started rumbling her name somewhere in the back of his throat, she had been on the verge of giving in… God knew how much she wanted to continue, but she had to be strong._

 _She had promised to have breakfast with her friends again._

 _A promise was a promise._

 _And thus, before Eric knew what was happening, she had pushed him off and slipped out of the room._

 _Leaving behind a very turned-on and blue-balled Eric._

END OF FLASHBACK

"Yeah, that was fun." Keena smiled up at him.

"It really wasn't." Eric told her threatening as he narrowed his eyes at her.

"Oh, get over yourself, Eric. Even you have to admit it was a little bit." She gave him a playful push against his chest before trying to smoothly sidestep him, but he got hold of her upper arm and pushed her back in front of him and crushed his lips against hers.

There teeth clashed because of the rough movement but neither noticed. She happily let him take control, loving the way of feeling so desired. His body caged her back until her back hit the rocks that made out the cave-like walls. They were pointy and painful but she couldn't bring it in herself to mind when his hands were kneading her ass like that and his hard-on was pressing between her legs.

She felt her legs buckle when he broke the kiss to trail butterfly kissed down her neck and into her cleavage. Pushing her shirt and training bra down as far as was possible, he managed to free one breast and attacked its nipple with his teeth and tongue.

"Eric." Keena breathed, feeling herself hot and ready for him. "Eric I don't have time for this." She managed to choke out between gasps. He bit down on her nipple hard then and she heard some deep throaty growl escape his lips.

"Make time." He ordered, rolling his hips against hers. His voice was needy and husky, exactly the way Keena liked it.

When she didn't reply his head came up only to attack the soft skin of her shoulder as he bit into it, leaving his mark. "Make time." He rumbled again.

Keena moaned as he twisted her nipple with his fingers and grinded his hard cock against her aching wetness. "O. Oh-Kee." She whimpered when Eric's lips sucked down on her neck. Who was she to deny such a request? Especially when she wanted it as badly as he did. "You're office. Now." She pushed him off of her, so they might get there sooner but catching Eric's stormy and lustful eyes she wanted nothing more than to pull him back against her.

Or inside of her, more precisely.

"Scrap that." She breathed, just when Eric was about to turn around. She pulled down her pants and relished in the way Eric was watching her through his lustful eyes that were by now a dark stormy blue. By the time she pulled off the last bit of clothing – which were here panties – Eric was still standing there, his eyes hungrily roaming over her body as his mouth was slightly agape. "What are you waiting for?" She berated him.

Eric didn't know how quickly he had to get out of his pants. With one ankle still inside of it he gripped Keena's hips and slammed home.

"Fuck, woman what do you do to me?" Eric breathed in her ear as they both adjusted to this amazing feeling of feeling whole again. He started moving his hips in and out of her in an agonizingly slow pace. The tip of his head constantly teased her entrance when he retreated, only to push his big size all the way back inside of her.

The pace sped up and the strangled moans got louder and louder. "So _wet_. So _thight_." Eric growled and bit down her neck. His hands were seemingly everywhere: fondling her breasts, twisting her nipples, holding her cheek and grabbing her hear. Keena started to yell his name, first softly somewhere in the back of her throat, but as Eric started to goad her on with his 'yes, baby', 'that's right, little one. Scream for me' and 'let them know who makes you feel this good' her moans had become louder and louder.

" _Eric_!" She desperately called out as he trusted inside of her relentlessly. The sound of their flesh smashing echoing through the hallway. It only turned them on more. His hands clutched her hips painfully for stability and her own hands were leaving claw marks on his shoulders and neck.

" _Keena_." His raspy voice roared and it was all that was needed to push Keena over the edge and she cried out in liberation.

"Good girl." Eric hissed in her ear, never stopping his forceful trusts. She saw stars as she rode him and felt his hands move from her hips to her ass, lifting her up. Still in her high she complied by hooking her legs around his hips, creating a whole new angle of pleasure. Still half in her previous high she felt the other already coming.

"Eric. Eric." She tried hopelessly but was already shuttering again.

"Fuck!' Eric hissed. "Fuck Keena. FUCK."

He pushed his cock crudely inside of her with a growl, making her scream out in a pleasant kind of pain – all restraint totally lost now. Shagging her as hard and relentless as he could, Eric eagerly took in the bouncing breast in front of him as Keena moaned his name over and over and over again.

Seeing the way Eric was looking at her breasts, she decided to indulge him and temporarily released his back from her clawing hands as she brought them to her soft flesh. Playing with her red and stiff nipples. His mouth was slightly open as he breathed harshly and she saw his jaw set as she lifted one breast to her mouth, eagerly sucking her own nipple – a little trick she had not yet showed him before. She saw Eric's eyes blacken before he locked his gaze with her. The pace of his slamming cock deep inside of her never slowed down, but somehow time seemed to stand still.

Releasing her nipple from her mouth she could the conflict in his eyes. Guiding his head towards her heaving breast he buried his face between them as he growled. It didn't take him long before he left the soft and fleshy bulk in favor of her taunted nipples: licking and sucking them until they were painfully hard. Daring one hand to leave the hold on her bum he slid it between where their bodies connected and pressed lazily against her clit.

"Keena." He hissed, the vibration of his voice bringing the stiffness of her nipples to a whole other level.

Still coming down from her last high, Keena could already feel her own orgasm approaching again. _Seriously, what was to be expected when he said her name like_ _that?_ She knew Eric was holding back his own but she wanted them to come together this time.

"Eric." She moaned. "Eric come with me."

His head snapped up to meet her gaze – god his eyes were so full of lust Keena would be ready to come just by the sight of them – and he nodded slightly but never stopped the ministrations of his tongue lapping at her nipple. Biting it playfully before releasing it, he trailed his way up her neck until his mouth was hovering by her. His hips slowed down it's relentless trusts and he licked the shell of her ear.

"What's the magic word?" He smirked knowingly at her whimper. The bastard knew his hoarse and throaty voice did things with her.

"Eric…" she tried to sound strict but it came out as a whine. "Eric, please."

He slowed his trusts even more and Keena wiggled her own hips against him in an attempt to gain back the feeling of wholesomeness and fullness.

"No." Eric berated, biting down on her lobe. "No, that's not it." The feeling of his breath against her neck caused some goosebumps to appear. Her skin felt like it stood on fire and was taking a shower with ice water all at once: desperate for some sort of release for the bittersweet ache between her legs.

Fine. Have it his way.

"Yours." She breathed and Eric picked up the pace in consent.

"Again." He roared huskily, his trusts becoming relentless again.

"Yours. Eric. Yours!" Keena screamed with each trust deep down inside of her, loving the pleasurable sting it gave. "Eric…. Eric."

"That's right. Come for me, Keena. Come for _ME_."

"Eric!"

His hips pushed into hers forcefully, her back slamming against the stone wall with each trust as his huge cock filled her up perfectly.

"Let go, little dauntless." He ordered, making her walls tighten around his dick. And then strangled: "Let go for me, Keena."

And she let go.

She always did when he said her name like _that_.

Her orgasm washed over her as her walls shuttered around his cock, bringing him with her. He roared before his trembling lips found her quivering ones and they kissed each other soothingly as she milked him out, wanting every last seed of him inside of her in a weird attempt to keep that feeling of complete fullness long after he would leave her.

She shuddered against him, clutching on to him for dear life as his one free hand stroked sweetly over her back before playing with the mess that was called her hair. Eventually lifting her down to the ground, his hands cupped her face gently – yet another sweet caress he did more frequently lately – as they kissed on, his by-now semi-hard dick still inside of her. Neither wanted to brake the contact on either place.

Eventually it was Eric who broke the kiss.

"You're cold." He stated, rubbing over the goosebumps on her upper arms.

Keena shrugged, not trusting her voice to sound as clear as his. She expected him to step away from her so she could put on some clothes, but instead he hugged her tighter, resting his head on top of hers while his arms circled around her protectively. The heat radiating off of him worked calming and Keena buried her face in his chest as she breathed in his smell: Some sort of mixture of bergamot and sandalwood that softened into a woodsy base of amber and musk. It was a soft leather-like scent; masculine, strong and totally Eric.

The worst part was that it wasn't a cologne.

FLASHBACK

 _Keena was laying on the bed, her eyes lazily following Eric as he got ready for the day. The initiates had gotten a day off, but apparently a leader's work was never done._

 _Too bad, she had gladly shagged him again._

 _"_ _Stop looking at me like that." He told her, never diverting his eyes from his watch. His fingers were fumbling clumsily with the lock and Keena had to hide the grin from forming on her face._

 _"_ _Like what?" She asked innocently, consciously putting the right amount of flirtation into her words. It worked. His blue eyes snapped to her green ones immediately._

 _"_ _Like you're ready to fuck me again." She detected a small whine in his words. Good._

 _"_ _And what if I am?" She smiled at him mischievously, loving the way his eyes darkened as they roamed over her body. She was laying on her stomach, her head was held up by hands propped on her elbows as her legs playfully moving about. She knew this to be a good pose, it showed off both her ass and her tits. Just the way she knew he liked it._

 _"_ _Change position or cover yourself." Eric stated by a way of ignoring her question, his jaw firmly set in an attempt to control himself._

 _"_ _Why?" She knew why. And he knew she knew._

 _Eric cursed under his breath before snapping his eyes away from you._

 _"_ _Because it makes me want to devour you." His voice was raw. "And I have a meeting in 15 minutes so I can't." The reluctance was evident in his voice. Keena reveled in it._

 _"_ _Oh." She simply said, rolling over slightly so her pussy was showing. "Is it better like this?" She smirked, stroking herself as his eyes briefly glanced over at her. Eric froze for a second at the sight, closing his eyes in a desperate attempt to reel in his desire but when Keena softly moaned at her own ministrations by slipping a finger into her wetness, his last bit of restrained snapped._

 _Within the second he was at the side of the bed and whirled her around fully with such a power she shortly flew up into the air but his torso was quick to push her back down into the mattress. He devoured her mouth as he unbuckled his belt while already on top of her. All four of their hands helped pushing down his pants. It was barely over his buttocks before he slammed into her with relentless trusts; powerful, needy and angry. Just like his kisses._

 _Within five seconds she was moaning. Within ten she was screaming his name.  
Within the minute she felt her orgasm approaching. Within three it washed over her, taking him with her. _

_It may have been way shorter than any of their previous encounters, but Keena felt no less content when they both laid there briefly after, trying to catch their breaths. Too soon for her liking, however, was when he rolled off of her and started to buckle up his belt: The loss of his heat too immediate and intense for her liking. Covering herself with his sheets, she buried her nose into them, breathing in his smell._

 _"_ _I really like that cologne." She said, not exactly knowing herself why she'd share that information with him. Alas, it was too late now. She would roll with it. "What's it called?" Not really caring._

 _Eric looked at her funnily before a slow smile crept up his face._

 _Oh-no._

 _With a smile like that, she knew that whatever was coming out of his mouth next, it would be embarrassing for her._

 _"_ _I'm not quite sure I know which one you're referring to." He smirked. "Describe it too me."_

 _No. This wasn't good at all._

 _"_ _Ha-ha. Very funny Eric." She was so not going to tell him what it smelled like to her. She should've known Eric would be an ass about her already awkward honesty. "Just the one you were wearing yesterday and all the times before when we met up. Hell, you're wearing it right now."_

 _Eric was smiling full on by now, not even trying to restrain it anymore. It was a smile Keena would've found it endearing if she hadn't known it was fully intended for the purpose of making her life miserable._

 _But she did know._

 _She waited on an answer but when none seemed to be coming she rolled her eyes and stood up to make her way to the bathroom, hoping the subject would never be breached again. She really didn't like the way he was smirking at her so frustratingly knowingly._

 _Eric was quick to follow her in, grasping her arms behind her back and pulling her back against his chest. Their eyes locked through the bathroom mirror and he brought his mouth to the shell of her ear._

 _"_ _It's called, my little Amity." He started. "My body odor."_

 _And just like that, Keena wanted to be swallowed up by the universe._

 _She wanted to push him away and tell him to stop being such an arrogant lying prick. She wanted to tell him to stop being so damn full of himself. She wanted him to admit it wasn't true, that she hadn't just complimented his fucking body odor._

 _But the knowing smirk, the way his eyes gleamed with honest mirth…_

 _Eric was telling the truth.  
And Keena wanted to die. _

_Closing her eyes in obvious embarrassment, she heard the low rumble of Eric's chuckle. His one hand briefly caressed her cheek before he stepped away._

 _"_ _I need to go." He told her. "I see you tonight." It wasn't a question. Keena nodded her consent with her eyes still closed, daring to open only after she heard the front door of his apartment shut behind him._

END OF FLASHBACK

Eric gently pulled her hair. "Earth to Amity." There was no malice in his voice at the nickname.

"Sorry what? What did you say?" Keena snapped back to the present, only realizing now how ridiculous the situation was. Both standing butt naked in the corridors of the Dauntless headquarters, embracing each other for warmth while their clothes were laying carelessly on the ground.

They were only hugging for warmth of course.

 _Not_ because they both wanted to participate in such intimate an act. Having sex was one thing but indulging in pointless touches for the mere sake of touching was of a completely different caliber.

"Come to me tonight." Eric stated emotionless. "And I'll fuck you until your screams make you deaf."

"Look at you, being all romantic." Keena deadpanned. "But I can't tonight."

"Why not?" He managed to sound casual, almost bored, but Keena knew better than that. It was taking him a lot of self-control not to lash out. Eric did not take kindly to being told no.

And yet he still liked Keena, a girl who time and again told him no just for the fun of it.

"I can come tomorrow night." She yawned. "I have plans tonight… Shit! I have plans right now! What's the time?" She jumped away from Eric, searching the floor for her clothes and Eric followed her lead. "Hey! Those are mine!" She accused when she saw Eric slip her panties into his pocket before she could reach them.

"And now they're mine." He told her darkly. "You can have them back tonight… Or tomorrow morning. Both are fine with me, but _not a single moment_ later."

Not having the luxury of time to argue with him – which was something she otherwise would've loved doning – Keena sighed her consent. "Alright, whatever. Tomorrow morning it is."

"Perfect." Eric grinned at his victory sinfully and watched Keena pull on her pants without her panties on. She rolled her eyes at him and muttered something under her breath about him acting ridiculous. From the corner of her eye, she watched his face darken and she could already imagine the sneer that was sure to follow suit. Before he responded however, she found herself fully dressed and without waiting for his reply she sprinting away.

Mira was going to _kill_ her.


	28. Chapter 28: Christmas Party

**Hope you all had a lovely Christmas!**

 **As you guys might have noticed, I was to late for my self-projected deadline, but than again… can you really blame me? Holiday stress is no fake news. ;)** **Either way: to make it up to you I made this chapter extralong.**

 **I have some sad news to share though: My midterms are coming up so I will (probably) not be posting a lot for the next few weeks. That being said, I tend to get inspired when learning (postponing mechanism) so it's still possible I might just don't be surprised or mad if I don't.**

 **Don't forget to Follow/Fav/Review (and read obviously).**

 **(Belated) Merry Christmas / Hannukkah / Happy New Year.  
Lots of love to you and your loved ones!**

 **KPOV**

"Oh, great you're here! _Finally_." Mira gushed as Keena entered the dorms. "We need to start _right_ away. We will get our make-up and hair fixed at the beauty salon – maybe even get a manicure done while we're at it and then we will quickly put on our dresses here before sneaking off to the party."

"Don't you think it's a bit much?" Lara tried, the poor girl had the same amount of despair written in her eyes as Keena currently felt. "Like, just a tiny little bit too much?"

"Too much? What are you talking about? Of course not!" Mira all but yelled. "This is our first party at Dauntless girls! If we want to blend in we leave it to the professionals to style us. I'm not going to get kicked out just because we didn't get some stupid memo!"

"Technically we'd be kicked out because we weren't even invited in the first place." Lara smiled. "You know… because we're _initiates_ , not because your hair is done slightly different."

Mira gave her a look that booth screamed 'shut up' and 'it's the same' making both other girls laugh. "Which they will only notice if we don't look the part!" She accused half petulantly, half accusingly.

Keena and Lara sighed their consent. It had been the same all those weeks ago, when the girls had been shopping for dresses. Keena had set her sights on something simplistic and classic, but Mira had insisted that they'd ask the opinion of the shop assistant, who _of course_ had only come with dresses of at least double the price. Apparently the timeless forest green silky dress had been 'not by far lavishing enough' for the Christmas party.

Be that as it may, Keena had put her foot down and bought the dress. Not at all convinced to buy one of the dresses with feathers that had been recommended a number of occasions to them. Mira of course had, although Keena had to give it to her: Mira's dress was truly beautiful. A shimmering 'Christmas-red' column dress with black and red feathers at the bottom. It showed off her little curves on all the right places and in combination with Mira's pitch-black hair and light skin she truly made a stunning picture.

Lara had opted for a knee length skater dress made out of a deep purple velvet. It was a safe but adorable choice, befitting her personality.

Even if the amount of time going into their looks was a bit much on Keena and Lara's part, they appreciated the afternoon just fine. It had been quite a while since they last enjoyed some girl-time and it was nice to catch up.

Mira had by now – finally – confessed her attraction towards Jonah and had spent most part of the afternoon telling them all about her and Jonah's first date which had happened the evening prior. Lara and Keena were still a bit reluctant when it came down to speaking freely over their respective boys and although Lara and Mira – _and_ the make-up artists – had practically begged for Keena to spill the name of the man of her trysts, she had wisely kept her mouth shut making the others laugh at her uncooperative behavior.

By the time it was dinnertime they were still in the beauty-salon, and Jonah, Gale and Maximus briefly stopped by to deliver the girls some food – probably Jonah's idea. The boys were of course planning on going to the party as well and they would all try to meet up inside, thinking that in smaller groups they were less likely to be noticed.

Shortly after the boys left, however, the cheery mood suddenly died when Keena's hair came out of the dye. Thinking her hairdresser had been retouching her roots, Keena was very surprised that by the end of it her hair had turned out very non-grey. All eyes in the room were focused on the green-eyed girl who was fast to bestow an icy glare on Mira, knowing full well she'd been the one behind it.

"What the actual fuck, Mir!" Keena gasped in disbelieve, taking in her warm golden blonde locks, before narrowing her eyes at the hairdresser who'd been in the complot.

In all honesty, it was Keena's own damn fault. She had noticed how Mira had taken her hairdresser apart and how they had whispered quietly in the corner, but Keena hadn't thought about it all too much and had trusted Mira blindly.

Stupid call, of course.

Alas, it was too late now and although she had loved her smoky-grey locks, the familiarity of her old golden locks was surprisingly nice. It oddly reminded her of her siblings and her life back at Amity and somewhere in these past few months thinking about them had become less painful, more bearable and even pleasant at times.

She still thought about them every day, but she was more able to stand behind her choice now without feeling guilty for leaving them behind. A mixture of happy and emotional tears involuntarily welled up in her eyes as she remembered some fond memories, but she was quick to blink them away before anyone noticed.

Or well, anyone other than Lara, who gave her a comforting and supportive little smile.

"I'm sorry, Keena." Mira said, clearly not sorry at all. "But your grey hair, however cool, does not fit your dress." She stated matter-of-factly. "The colors simply clashed way too much!"

Keena frowned. "How does grey and green clash?" At the pleading look Mira shot Lara by means of helping her out Keena closed her eyes. _Oh no_. "Mira… What the hell did you do?"

 **EPOV**

"So, you decided to show up after all." A slightly drunk Tori lifted her eyebrow knowingly as she sat down on the barstool next to him. Great… "I thought you might." She chuckled.

Tori wasn't necessarily a very intelligent woman, but she sure knew a lot. As tattoo-artist she was always up-to-date with the gossip going around the compound and she was eerily good at guessing people's motives and predicting the big lines in their courses of action, but even for her predicting something as trivial as his showing up at the Christmas party was taking it to new extremes.

"My plans were cancelled." Eric stated bored, eying her suspiciously.

"Yeah. I figured." She smiled secretively, ordering herself a beer with the flick of her hand. "Even _before_ I saw you enter."

She knew something.

But what?

Eric hated not knowing something someone else did and it was in his nature to find out all there was to know about the subject whenever such an incident appeared. Hell, that had been the beginning of his obsession with Keena too.

Needless to say, Eric wanted to know what Tori's secrecy was about, but he was also smarter than to take the bait that easily. After all, Tori was one of those people who loved provoking a reaction out of you and ignoring her brash statements would be the best way to get some satisfaction of his own: Not responding would aggravate her – which was always fun to watch.

Besides, she wouldn't answer him truthfully even if he asked. Especially not now she was drunk.

"Look who's being cryptic today." He playfully snapped, rolling his eyes. "What a ground-breaking change."

From the corner of his eyes he saw Tori glare at him but before she had time to respond he ordered two shots and put one in front of her before turning to look at her properly. She was wearing a tight blood-red dress, showing of her fit figure and the color of the dress highlighted her tanned complexion.

Christmas was the only occasion he ever saw her dressed in something other than black and that was only because it had been her twin brother's favorite time of year. George had loved it and always ordered her to dress up for it nicely. After his death, about 7 years ago, Tori kept honoring the tradition.

Her twin brother, George, died within the year after initiation under mysterious circumstances and although Eric had only been busy with the internship of his leader position at the time, he later found out the Dauntless board had murdered him because he'd been a speculated Divergent.

Eric had since tightened the board's permission on giving away a death sentence. No longer was a mere speculation good enough: Hard evidence was necessary and until such evidence was presented in a formal way, all dauntless members had earned the benefit of the doubt, speculated divergent or not.

He had sold the new laws by saying he felt nothing for a wild goose chase: A Dauntless was only expected to shoot when he had a clear aim or when it was a matter of life or death. Haphazard elimination would only lead to chaos within the faction and an army did not operate properly when there was chaos.

It had been a solid argument, but in truth he'd done it solely out of respect for George and his friendship with Tori.

"You look lovely, Tor." He told her, clinging his glass against hers.

"Now, see!" She gushed, sarcastically exaggerating. "Such a charmer. I wonder why you don't have a girlfriend." Jesus, would she just quit it already?

"Poorly done." Eric deadpanned before downing the shot. "Your provocation game is weak at best."

Tori barked out a lough and smashed her fist into his shoulder. "Your loss, _sucker_. You sure as hell will be in want of one after tonight." Eric's eyes shot to her scheming ones suspiciously. She might have her shady reasons for provocation, but they were never random…

"Have you met me?" He stated flatly. "I'm _not_ the relationship kind of guy."

"Says who?"

"Everybody."

"Maybe they're all wrong." She wiggled her eyebrows, unable to stop the grin from forming on her face.

"What are you on?" Eric asked sincerely. "Remind me never to use it. It's creeping me out." This sobered her up pretty quickly and her brows furrowed in seeming concern.

"Time's ticking, Eric." She stood up and chuckled when she almost fell over if not for the steadying hand Eric put on her arm, holding her up. Maybe she was more drunk than he'd initially gave her credit for. She turned around to look at him. "Beautiful things are always wanted. Just look at your own ugly ass face." She smacked his cheek with a flat hand and indicated her head to the left, where three dauntless woman were looking at him seductively, quietly whispering amongst themselves.

Eric couldn't stop his face from clouding in disgust while Tori laughed out loud, gaining them quite a few onlookers. "For fuck's sake, you're ruining my reputation as 'the big bad leader'." He hissed in a failed attempt to sound annoyed, causing Tori to laugh even harder.

He looked at her incredulously. "Since Santa vomited his loving Christmas spirit all over you, go off and mind your own sad nonexistent love life for a change." He put another drink into her hands before spinning her around so she was now facing the crowd.

"What do you think I'm wearing this dress for?" She chuckled darkly, flashing him a wink over her shoulder. "But as your friend it's my duty to tell you how a fucking sad excuse of a _loser_ you are first."

"He, Tor." He stated flatly. "Christmas honesty is overrated." He smirked at her, before pushing her roughly into the crowd, making her stumble forward against a group of guys.

Laughing, she flashed him two middle fingers and mouthed ' _loser'_ one last time before disappearing between the dancing bodies

 **KPOV**

The Christmas Party was by far the most awesome party Keena had ever been to!

For one, it was held in this extremely large underground-tunnel system. Some tunnels crossed each other, other's had dead-ends. There were alcoves and caves big enough to look like rooms. Each of these 'rooms' had its own theme, music style and bar, much like the tents on Amity festivals had although this underground-tunnel system was much more likely to get lost in than the corn fields.

Literally, this place was a maze. Which was inevitably also the reason why Keena had lost her friends in the crowds about thirty minutes ago after she'd went to get them some drinks.

Well, lost… Mira and Jonah were probably off to some shady corner to kiss, but the other three, Lara, Maximus and Gale, yeah those she really had lost. But really, could you blame her in a maze like this?

Alright, alright. Maybe the fact that they were all slightly drunk had played a part as well.

 _Just a tat_ of course.

The interior of this particular 'cave' was some Dauntless take on industrial design: Dark brown woods, grey concrete and black metal details. Overall it was, yes, _dark_ but somehow it still gave away a vibe of being cozy and welcoming… you know, in a Dauntless kind of way: Tough but homie – and maybe a bit shady towards the back. Although not by far as shady as some of the other rooms she'd been in, like the fire room where people were practically dancing around naked - which had been _quite_ the experience to watch.

Either way, Keena was enjoying the party immensely, despite the fact she had lost her friends. The only problem was that Keena felt utterly ridiculous.

Well… _naked_ was maybe a better description.

The dress she was wearing – the dress Mira had swapped with the one she picked out herself – was barely that: a dress. The shape was beautiful, formfitting at the top and over her ass before softly flowing out. It was something in between a mermaid and a trumpet dress and really showed off her figure nicely, _maybe_ even better than the dress she had picked out for herself.

The colors were also beautiful. A champagne-golden color of tulle fabric, that looked like a fancy version of her own skin color with rose golden and white applique embroideries that seemed to have fallen over her like a mixture of shimmering snowflakes and golden rain.

It truly was a stunning dress but the reason Keena had refused to buy it herself was because the entire fabric was see-trough. Meaning that the golden and white embroideries were the only thing covering up her naked body. Talking about leaving something to the imagination…

It wasn't that she hated the dress. In fact, on anyone else she would love it and admired it, just not on herself. It made her feel naked and vulnerable and… seen. For someone who tended to run out of the cafeteria after a fight with Jasper because there were to many eyes on her, wearing a sparkling golden see-through dress might not be the smartest option.

A well, there was no way back now.

Signaling the bartender to refill her drink, she gulped it all down without taking a breath.

In a dazzling dress like this, she'd better swallow up some liquid confidence, because she had none of her own.

…

 **EPOV**

Eric was standing with some of his friends, his elbows and back leaning casually against the counter at the side of the bar. Although none of them felt particularly much for Christmas, they had taken the opportunity to celebrate over Jason's brake up whom had dumped his ex a day prior.

Yes, _celebrate_.

His ex-girlfriend had been a real pain in the ass, never leaving him out of her sight to let him spend as much as a lunch in between jobs with his friends without her. They were just having the standard short-lived break-up talk in which was discussed how useless having a girlfriend was anyway when one of his friends – Ward - dropped silent in the middle of a sentence before barking out some strangled laugh.

In fact, all three guys were suddenly staring at something behind him, one even open-mouthed. It was not as if Eric wasn't curious, but it was his custom to remain aloof, unimpressed and indifferent in crowded places like this. Some of his closest friends – Alijah, Zeke, Tori – had seen him relaxed from ti

Besides, he would refuse to look if only for the image of self-control and self-respect. He wasn't some thirteen-year-old kid watching porn for the first time. No matter how slutty the girl was dressed, he would manage without her tits.

Also, he already had a pair of awesome boobs on the menu for tomorrow morning.

"Someone, suck my wanker." Ward exclaimed groaning while Zeke blow out a low whistle before grinning up at Eric, who had yet to turn around.

"Not me. My mouth has other plans tonight." Jason howled softly, already making a move to leave if not for Zeke's hand on his chest, shoving him back in place.

"What now, Zeke?!" Jason asked irritated, his eyes moving back and forth between Zeke and the girl somewhere behind Eric at the bar. "I just broke up..." Jason whined, sarcastically overdoing it. "I deserve a rebound. What happened to our bro-code?"

It was true, somewhere in these past eight years the code had formed itself: If two or more friends wanted to hit on the same girl, the one whom had had sex longest ago got the first shot… Unless one of the friends just came out of a relationship. In that case they were permitted to play the 'breakup card' once after the relationship had ended, no matter how much time was in between. If multiple friends played the breakup card at the same time, the first rules applied again.

"Trust me. You're not getting this one." Zeke laughed. "You can have Foxy over there." He pointed at some redhead two tables down who had been hopelessly trying to catch their attention all night long, batting her eyelashes and giggling loud enough for them to hear when other guys approached her.

They had ignored her in return.

"Eric, have a look. You wouldn't want to miss it." Something in Zeke's voice made Eric wary, as if Zeke was in on a joke he was not. Rolling his eyes at his friends' ogling antics he turned around, spotting no other than Keena at the bar and all of the wind got knocked out of him instantly.

 _Holy fucking hell_.

His cock was quick to respond, like always, but it was his mind that had the hardest time coping. His vision briefly blurred before he remembered how to breath. Eric's whole body was trashing, desperate to touch her and devour her but also… something more. With her hair and dress, she looked like a queen of gold, no longer 'just a good fuck' but someone he was willing to do anything for to… to _keep_. To hold close and never let go off.

She always looked beautiful and stunning, mind you, but right now she looked absolutely mind-blowing. Like a ray of golden sunshine. He had thought he loved her grey hair, that it had made her look more dauntless and sexy, but this… _Fuck_. How could he not find words? Eric _always_ found words. _Four_ was the one with the fucking speech impediment.

All he knew was that in that moment she was the silver lining in his life, although currently wrapped in gold.

Fuck.

How was he _ever_ going to keep her? She didn't deserve it to be just fucked. She deserved to be so much more: to be cherished, protected, adored and loved… Could he do that? Probably not, but he was going to fucking die trying. Would he be good enough for her? No, not by a long shot, but Eric was also a very selfish and greedy man.

Besides, he might not be good enough but neither was anybody else of these fuckers around him ogling her like she was a piece of meat. _What the fuck did they think they were looking at?!_ It made him want to growl very, _very_ deeply and in fact, he did.

"I'm so playing my breakup card on this one." Jason said grinning, again ready to walk away, but this time it was not Zeke but Eric who pushed him back. Extremely fucking forcefully.

 _"No." He snarled with the same amount of power, slightly seeing red._

Ward looked at him curiously, Jason mad and Zeke with a lazy knowing grin on his face. _Wanker_.

" _That_ is one of the most infuriating initiates of this year." Eric managed to sound pissed off, pulling his territorial push off as one out of annoyance towards the girl in question. Although it helped he really was: Why the fuck was she here at a members-only party, looking like _that_.

Did she really _have_ to turn the heads of _all_ fucking men in the room? As if she didn't get attention enough already in a mere training suit, for fuck's sake, she just _had_ to walk in like the wet-dream of every man that just happened to like small and feisty blond girls with adorable faces and a body to die for. Which basically translated to: _Every. Fucking. Breathing. Man. On. Earth._

Great, so now his balls were swollen and ready to burst by the mere sight of her, his friends were all fantasizing to stick their wieners inside of her where they didn't belong and so did all other incompetent losers around them. If it was up to him, he'd beat all onlookers to a pulp, throw her over his shoulder and bring her back to his apartment like some cave-man to lock her away and have her as his for the rest of eternity.

But here he was, having to pretend that he only ever saw her when he was observing Four's training, that he hadn't touched her about every day for the past three weeks and that she hadn't screamed his name and told him she was his about every fucking time.

Well, so much for words between the sheets.

It was a scam. She wasn't his, not really. Not until every damn soul here in Dauntless knew she was his. Suddenly he understood why people wanted to date, be in relationships and fucking marry eventually. It had always sounded ridiculous to him before, but now… Claiming her as his own seemed a primal need, especially when he had to fight off all horny looking suckers in this room.

"A newbie? Damn you and your fucking luck." Ward groaned in jealousy. "I want to train her too." He whined, before grinning in such a manner Eric had to stop himself from knocking his teeth out. "Teach her all sorts of floorwork fighting tactics." Ward continued wiggling his eyebrows and oblivious to Eric's fueling anger.

 _Oh, hell no._

Eric balled his fists beside him, doing his best to keep cool headed as red and black spots seemed to blur his vision.

"That explains it. I wondered how she'd went unnoticed for an entire year." Jason stated, never taking his eyes off of her as his eyes roamed her body shamelessly. "He Ward, maybe we could take over Eric's training sessions if he finds her so infuriating." Jason grinned mischievously. "Introduce us." He stated eventually.

"Not a chance in hell." Eric snapped forcefully, his knuckles white from the tension. If there was a time to be steaming of anger ever, this would be it.

"But I'm throwing in my breakup card." Jason lifted an eyebrow, the same amount of determination in his eyes as Eric imagined to be in his.

"Do I look like I care?" Eric snapped "The initiate is _out of the question._ I'm throwing in my leader card."

Jason looked at him in incredulously and opened his mouth to snap something back himself but Zeke was quick to cut in.

"Guys, guys." Zeke drawled lazily, his eyes lingering on the shaky fists of Eric. "I don't think Eric minds the challenge of her all too much. Do you now, Eric?" Eric glared at Zeke in response while the others laughed. "So, Jason, let's give our socially incompatible friend the first shot." Zeke continued, entirely unbothered by Eric's deadly stare. "And _when_ he screws up, _which he will_ because let's face it, the guy has the social capabilities of a Black Mamba, you can jump in as the nice guy saving the day."

Ouch.

Good point, he probably would screw up but that didn't mean Eric appreciated his flaws being pointed out to him.

"Whatever." Jason stated bored, although his eyes and flexing muscles told a different story. "I don't need a stupid card."

"I need new friends." Eric muttered while Jason and Ward were still laughing at Zeke's words. "Now if you excuse me, I have to lecture _my_ initiate on the rules of alcohol and bars during initiation." He sighed annoyed as if it was the most dreadful job on the world.

He turned away from them with one last scowl to walk up the bar, only to find Keena's previous spot empty. Shit. Spotting a flash of gold in the corner of his eye, he followed her through the crowds into the dancefloor, his eyes shooting daggers as all the fuckers who dared to look at _his_ girl.

 **KPOV**

Moving away from the bar she skillfully danced her way through the mass of sweaty hot dancing bodies. Other factions could say what they wanted about Dauntless, but even they had to admit the brave sure knew how to move.

The energy was contagious and Keena was quick to follow suit, losing herself in the music, vibe and flashing lights. Thanks to the booze she was buzzed in a good way, daring to lose control and let her body move freely and sensually on the beat, just like everyone else was doing. For once, Keena didn't care who might be watching her. For once, she only cared about herself and what movements her body could make to make her feel like she was flying.

Soon however she felt a pair of greedy hands grab her hips from behind and for a second her mind flashed to Eric, even if these hands were noticeably slimmer and less worn than his: quite delicate for masculine Dauntless hands even, as if they were made to play the piano rather than fighting.

Normally, she would've tensed at the sudden contact, but her coherent mind was too far gone to care. Besides, she was in a crowded room. What could happen with so many eyewitnesses?

And thus, Keena danced on, moving her body in line with his, not even bothering to look who it might be. She didn't want to know: It would break the spell. At least now she could somehow still pretend it was Eric, even if her rational mind told her it wasn't.

But soon one of the hands started to move towards her breasts and Keena's eyes shot open. Trying to wiggle out of his grasp, the hands held on tighter, one pressing into her stomach so her ass would be straining his obvious aroused cock.

"Let go of me!" She tried to yell over the music, her elbow connecting with his stomach as she struggled against him but all the guy did was bending his head down into the crook of her neck laughing before biting down on it. Keena stomped his toes forcefully, but he didn't even seem to notice.

It was not that the dancing was unknown to the Dauntless: Many people around them were dancing in just the same way, if not worse. If an Abnegation would walk in at the party, Keena was pretty sure he'd be in shock and later describe it to his friends as one big orgy. Sex on the dancefloor with clothes on.

And that was fine. Keena didn't judge them for dancing the way they did. Hell, she loved the vibe in the air and how open and free everyone was moving.

She just didn't want it herself. Not like this.

To her it didn't feel good. It didn't feel right. Innocent dancing was fine, but this was a step too far for her liking: It was neither the place to do it nor the person to do it with… She took a step forward to escape the man's touch, but he wouldn't let go and instead increased his hold on her, grinding into her ass from behind. What was worse was that her struggles only seemed to turn him on more.

Nothing seemed to help. None of her attempts gave him any clue to actually let go of her.

When one of his hands moved up to caress her lips – probably because he wanted her to suck it or something – she instead bit down on it. Hard.

The man cursed but didn't lose his grip on her. "Aren't you the feisty little whore!" The man laughed amused, pressing his nauseating erection against her bum, moving it up and down with the beat.

Again, she shoved her elbow into his stomach, all other movements with her arms impossible as they were uselessly held down to her body by his arms. "Fack off!"

"What's the hurry, dear? Can't wait to get out of that dress for me, can you?"

"I said: fuck off!" She spat, forcefully striking her elbow backwards into his stomach.

The sudden movement seemed to surprised him, causing him to lose his grip on her on the same time as Keena threw herself forward, resulting in her smashing into the ground with such a force her vision slightly blurred for a few seconds. A few people around them briefly stopped their dancing to glance over at her but most were still lost in the music as she got up and turned to face her attacker.

But he was gone.

Or at least, she thought he was. She'd never had a proper look at him.

Great, for the first time in years she'd let her guard down and instantly she was groped. And the worst part was that she didn't even know by who. And all she had to blame for that was her fucking self.

It was time for another drink.

…

"Strongest you've got and make it a double." Keena ordered while hopping onto the comfortable barstool and letting her throbbing head rest in her arms.

"Does Santa know you have a hangover on your Christmas list?" The barman joked and she shot him an unimpressed look. A way of telling him to shut up.

"No need." She chuckled darkly. "I'm pretty self-sufficient when it comes to trouble."

"Rough night hu?" He asked, a combination of pity and amusement in his voice. If only she could find some of humor in the situation, but instead her mind was replaying images of a similar situation 11 years ago. It also didn't help that she now somehow felt guilty. To Eric.

Why was that? She had no contract with the guy that stated they couldn't dance or see other people. Hell, he had probably been off kissing some slut in one of the dark corners while she was being groped.

Why did that bother her? And more importantly: w _hy in hell did he plague her mind so damn fucking often?_

"You have no idea." Keena murmured more to herself than the bartender, looking around the room she found herself in in an attempt to distract her from the fact how stupid she'd been.

"Work or private affairs?" The bartender asked, putting her drink in front of her. She drank it down at once.

Good question though, what was she upset about? The groping? Or the fact that it hadn't been Eric? And should she categorize Eric as work or private? Somehow he was neither and both.

"Pray tell me, how does one rule out the other?" She laughed bitterly and indicated with her finger that she wanted a refill.

"My, my. Aren't you mysterious." The bartender grinned as refilled her glass with the strongest whiskey present. "But you're right. I suppose it doesn't."

She merely winked at him as she lifted the glass to her mouth but it never reached her lips as a firm rough hand covered her small delicate one and slammed the glass back onto the bar. She shook off the hand of roughly, not taking the action kindly.

Whomever it was sure had a bad fucking timing.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." A deep voice rumbled behind her, barely audible due to the loud screaming music.

"Okay, mom." She muttered in a bored voice without sparing as much as a glance backwards. She lifted her glass to her mouth. Again.

The hand slammed it down. Again.

"He! Who the fuck do you think you a… Eric." She cursed as she turned around to face her kill-joy. Eric was standing behind her, an aggressively fuming look on his face. "Great. Sure. _Of course_ it is you." She swatted her hand dramatically against his chest, rolling her eyes although the movement made her a tat nauseous. "Party-pooper at my service."

He didn't deserve the harsh words, but they rolled of her tong effortlessly anyway.

In truth, she'd been never more relieved to see him as his presence always seemed to calm her down. She wanted nothing more than to be safe within those impossible muscular arms, that somehow remained soft all the same. She wanted to feel protected. To be seen and understood. To be so much more… but those were thoughts she simply couldn't have. It scared her as much as this man seemed to be on her mind. It confused her even more:

She had never needed him or any other man before. She'd been very much capable of looking out for herself. Men only caused trouble… But then _why_ would her mind instantly jump to Eric lately whenever she felt down? Or up? Or anything at all for that matter.

And now, as if the man hadn't been on her mind enough yet, he just _had_ to come at her in all of his touchable glory when she was feeling down and craved nothing more than just a hug. _His_ hug. A hug she couldn't get because they were in too public a place.

 _Wow, what?_

She? Wanting to hug for the mere sake of hugging? Touching without a purpose? What the fuck was happening with her, if she didn't know any better she would think she was actually starting to _like_ Eric…

 _No_.

She was so _not_ into him. How could she be? He was Eric for fuck's sake. He was mean and grumpy and annoying. He made her blood boil and her body bruise. He was a sadist and narcissist. An arrogant selfish prick. She couldn't like someone like that! She shouldn't even be able to tolerate the man… Even if he was amazing in bed and quite funny in a dark way if you got to understand his kind of humor.

 _No. No! Stop._

Pushing all clingy and warm-hearted feelings away, she held on to her familiar mask of sass and fearlessness as she awaited Eric's response, who was watching her through narrowed down eyes.

"Are you drunk? _Initiate_." Eric said loud enough for the bartender to hear, who's eyes turned wide in fear and shot back and forth between Keena and Eric before landing on Eric.

"Eric. I.. She didn't tell me, sir. I wouldn't have… If I knew!" He started off pathetically and continued his awful attempts at apologies excessively, stumbling forward to snatch the glass out of Keena's hand.

Keena, on her turn, was extremely intolerant for any of that nonsense at the moment: God knew how much she needed alcohol right now. Her slightly shaky hands were capable enough to avoid the greedy arms of the bartender and Keena scowled at Eric one last time before quickly swallowing the liquor down without taking a breath. Gasping at the burning sensation in her throat, she narrowed her eyes at Eric, gauging his reaction.

 **EPOV**

For fuck's sake. Did she really have to?

Did she really have to be defiant and mischievous _now_ of all times? _Here_ of all places too? It was already hard enough to play aloof with her normally, but now… Let's just say they were on thin ice concerning his self-control.

Apart from the fact Eric was drunk, extremely turned-on by the sight of Keena in that dress _and_ pissed off at all men in the room for looking at _his_ girl the way they did, he was also still incredibly mad. You know, seeing that he just almost beat the shit out of that scrappy loser that had dared groping Keena on the dancefloor.

He hadn't wanted to cause a scene - that wouldn't have done anyone any good - but he _had_ dragged the fucker as far away from her as was physically possible. It had taken all of Eric's self-control not to beat him up and kick him out of the party, but that would've surely raised some questions regarding his relationship with Keena.

Questions he was by now more than willing to hear.

Hear, yes, not answer. He was still a private man after all. But at least that way everyone would know she was fucking his. Tori had been right: He was territorial and craved to mark her as _his_. Although he'd never in a million years use the word relationship or girlfriend, the intention was the same.

He wanted all the morons to know that she was his. That she was off limits. That he was the only one allowed to touch her, hold her and fuck her. And if they tried to anyway, _he'd_ be the one they had to deal with: None of those jerks would dare to grope her then. None of them would even dare laying a single finger on her.

But alas, he might have this new revelation and be ready to have her as his in public, but he knew Keena wasn't ready by far. Who would've guessed, that he'd fall for a girl with even more attachment issues than he himself. Oh, the irony.

Either way, Eric had painfully (and reluctantly) collected all of his self-control and merely told Keena's groper off with the lame warning that if Eric would ever see him assault anyone ever again, he'd have to deal with the consequences.

To say Eric was unsatisfied with that 'punishment' was doing it extremely shortly. His self-control was weak at best because of it and if Keena now decided to be a cheeky little smart-mouth as well… That would surely make him snap.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He hissed, non-too pleased by her defiance as he watched a single drop of whiskey roll down her chin and throat to disappear into the collar of her dress. _Really?_

"What? here?" Keena asked fake-confused. Her brows furrowed and eyes twinkling as she looked around the room. "At a bar?" She continued disregarding his warning stare, the cheeky grin on her lips daring him to stop her. Oh, he wanted to kiss those so, _so_ badly. "Oh, you know, the usual. Buying some toothpaste, maybe taking a nap."

"Keena." He warned growling, his hands itching to touch her.

Spotting his unamused stare, she rolled her eyes. Yet another little act out of rebellion that turned him on. "Drinking, Eric. _Obviously_."

"Which is strictly forbidden for initiates, as you are well aware of." He snapped, frustrated that he was close enough to smell her lovely scent but still couldn't put his hands on her.

"Drinking is forbidden?" Keena pouted prettily. "Now that's no way to keep hydrated." Of all the times she could've chosen to pout, it just _had_ to be now, hadn't it? If he lost his control, he'd blame some higher powers for not giving him better circumstances. This was getting ridiculously unfair. "Besides, if I recall correctly, which I do, you fed me wine once." _Yeah, as a fucking painkiller after Jasper had smashed her head into the floor._

"Don't play smart with me, _initiate_. I'll throw you to the factionless without as much as blinking." The harsh words rolled off of his tongue without second thought. It was meant a warning, for her to realize she had to take it down a notch if she didn't want people to start asking questions regarding their peculiar 'relationship' (after all, nobody in their right mind dared talking to him like this), but as soon as the words had left his lips, he realized how cold it had sounded.

Keena however seemed totally unfazed – whether it was real or an act, Eric couldn't tell – and smiled up at him sassily.

"Eyes are deceptive, _leader._ It could've been mere apple juice." She teased back, sticking her tongue out.

"Liar."

"Am not." She huffed and Eric thought she looked quite adorable in that moment. He wanted to do nothing else rather than to smooth out that small furrow in her brows as he kissed her prettily pouted lips, hoping to enflame her flustered cheeks even more.

"So are." He grinned, loving the way how her eyes brightened when she was getting riled up.

"A suggestion is neither true nor false, therefor I'm not a liar." The fire in her eyes was blazing with both lust and irritation. Unconsciously, his body moved closer to her: Their knees touching in a faint brush as she leaned her back against the bar.

"Right, touchy subject for you isn't it, _liar_?" He stretched the word teasingly, his eyes never swaying from hers as he noticed how her eyes lingered on his lips. Good, she wanted him just as bad as he did her.

As a way of response, she rolled her eyes and bit her lip to strangle the frustrated growl that had formed in her throat. It took him all he got not to rip that lip from between her teeth with his own and suck it until it was bruising and blue.

"I presented you a possibility, Eric. Be grateful." She looked at him annoyed, although he could spot the reluctant smile she was trying to hide.

"A none-plausible one." He stated flatly, clearly unimpressed with her actions. "As we both know".

Instantly her petulant countenance changed back to a playful one and she gave him a look that he both loved and feared. "Perhaps, but how does one prove it?" She asked cheekily and leaning into him she brought her lips to his ear and he could feel the warmth of her soft breaths tickle his skin. "You could _taste_ it, but that would be against the rules as well, wouldn't it?" _Fucking tease._

Not trusting his legs to stay rooted at a respectable distance from her, he took out the barstool next to her and sat down on it.

"Oh god, where are my manners? Please, _do_ sit down." Keena deadpanned, turning to him. "Oh, wait, where are _yours_? You already did." The blanc stare she was giving him was quite amusing actually as was the fact that her body instantly turned towards his, at least he wasn't the only one attracted.

"Cute." He deadpanned back before sweeping his gaze around the room, noticing and staring away all men that were watching Keena with lustful eyes – scrap that, he stared away all men that were looking at her in any way at all.

No, there was no way he would leave her alone in a room full of drunk and horny dauntless men when she looked like this.

"A Vodka & Coke for me and a regular coke for the _initiate_ please." He said with a stern face, having a hard time to hold back his chuckle as he took in Keena's scowling face.

"Still an _initiate_ then?" Not missing the double meaning. "Shouldn't I be _factionless_ right now?" She smiled a fake smile – ahh, so his earlier words _had_ stung. Her eyes watched the bartender carefully before she continued in a whisper "Or does sleeping with a leader have its perks?" She grinned up at his face, which he was having a hard time trying to scowl into the perfect picture of indifference.

"Who says that coke isn't your goodbye drink?" He sounded serious, but his eyes held a teasing glint and he could detect some crave in Keena's eyes as she laughed at him. A real one this time. "Or did you want an _apple juice_?"

She laughed again as the bartender approached and put the drinks in front of Eric.

"Fuck you." She bit playfully before realizing what she'd said and her eyes started to twinkle at the idea. Involuntarily, his cock twitched as well.

Just at that moment, however, a fight broke loose on the dancefloor and Eric reluctantly forced his eyes away from Keena's, taking in the gravity of the situation.

"I would." He sighed, standing up and picking up one of the glasses from the bar. "Just have to pull apart some angry toddlers first." Moving over to the spot next to her he brought his lips to her ear, brushing them softly. "Meet me in the corridor left to this bar in 10 minutes." He said softly, touching her fingers on purpose as he put the drink down in front of her while his other hand went to caress the small of her back briefly.

"What am I, a microwave now?" Keena turned her head to smirk up at him, their faces now agonizingly close, both of them looking at the lips of the other. "To warm up your sausage for a few minutes before you can walk away all satisfied, but leaving me behind dirty and used?"

Eric couldn't help it and barked out a laugh. Friends and other onlookers be damned.

"You and I both know it's nothing like that." He was smirking but his voice was meaningfully loaded, as if to reassure her. "At the very least it will be longer than that and you'll be satisfied too."

Eric swore he could make out the faint feature of a blush before Keena snapped her head back to the bar in front of her. "Okay then" She consented and he felt, rather than saw, her slight nod. "But I'm not a lightweight, you know." She said pointing at the coke. "We had alcohol in Amity as well, and shocking as it may be, we actually drank it too." He couldn't see her face but he still knew she was rolling her eyes as she picked up her glass from the bar.

He shrugged. "You'd do well to listen to yourself more often, little one." He teased. "Eyes really are deceptive." And with that and a last brush of his hand on her back, he made his way over to the fight, his eyes warning off all Dauntless men that hadn't gone to watch the fight, hoping for the sake of him that they would all stay the hell away from what was _his_.

He couldn't see how she took a sip of her drink, but he felt her eyes snap up at him in shock right after, his back tingling with the sensation of her eyes on him.

 **KPOV**

Patience had always been one of her strong suits.

She knew very well that it was better and more satisfactory to wait since the reward was usually sweeter that way. Now, however, was definitely not that 'usually'.

She wanted Eric and she wanted him _now_.

Keena had been standing in the corridor for 2 minutes tops, but to her it felt like forever. She was still mad at herself for the previous happening and although she had tried to play it cool at the bar, she was very much in need of Eric: He would surely fuck all her coherent thoughts and worries out of her mind.

Okay. Maybe she was lying to herself now. Just the small talk at the bar had been nice already, although she had craved some impossible touches. But just the smell and feel of him, having him around had already calmed her down.

"Hey!" A voice bellowed and Keena's eyes shot up to see a lean blond man approach. "It's you! The feisty little whore from the dancefloor!". For some reason the man seemed to think this was a compliment, or at the very least a normal way of greeting.

It was neither.

Instantly, Keena's eyebrows shot up as she took in the man in front of her. He was tall but lean, nothing spectacular. His hair was a platinum shade of blond and his eyes were a dull blue. If he hadn't opened his mouth, she would never have suspected him of assault. " _You're_ the groper?" She managed to sound unimpressed, but deep down she was fuming. "You left the party so early… My fists were very disappointed."

A few voices laughed and it was only then that Keena realized the man wasn't alone. Four other men – presumably his friends – advanced on her too, caging her in.

The corridor was crowded, but so had the dancefloor been. Keena was not convinced bystanders wouldn't be too wrapped up in their own little party bliss to notice anything was amiss.

"Yeah, you can blame Eric for that. So protective." He tutted. "Tell me, are you fucking him too?"

"Too? You imply an awful lot."

The platinum blond man grinned evilly, now an arm's length away from her. "Honey, think about the fun we can have." He brushed a lock of hair out of her face as Keena glared at him.

"No thanks. Your assaulting foreplay already left much to be desired. _Consensus_ for one."

"See? I told you she was feisty." He barked out a laugh at his friends as she tried to sidestep him but his hand came out and grabbed her throat, making it unable for her to scream - or say anything at all for that matter – as he daftly cut off her air supply.

Also… her throat. The one spot that always left her in blind panic. She could already feel the tightening in her chest overwhelm her, her breathing sped up as well and her vision blurred slightly.

 _No, Keena._ This was not the time nor place to be pathetic and powerless. She forced her gaze to sharpen again, looking around her for anything that might be able to help her but her eyes only found his friends, of whom all but one looked wholly unbothered by the situation.

She struggled against him, but it was to no avail.

"Don't pretend you don't want this. That you weren't asking for it." He whispered in her ear before the tip of his tongue darted out to lick the shell of it. Keena shivered in fear and disgust. "You're still asking for it with that sassy little mouth of yours." Her assaulter continued as one of his hands grabbed her breast through the fabric of her dress and he pressed his erection against her.

"Let go of me!" Keena tried to yell, but it was a worthless attempt and all that came out were gasps. Kicking him against his shin, he hissed in pain but didn't lose his grip on her as his eyes sparkled with delight. Pressing himself even closer against her, he locked all her limbs next to her body and making it impossible for her to use them against him.

Jesus, she was training for months now and all it took was some mediocre guy to have her helpless against the wall? How pathetic could she be? Seeing no other out, her eyes found that friend who had looked worried since the beginning and she silently begged him for help.

"Marc… Maybe you should-" The brown-haired friend tried.

"Shut up Avery! Can't you see this is a game for her? No girl dresses in a tempting dress like that without wanting to be touched." Marc snarled. Three of his friends agreed, Avery clearly didn't but seemed at a loss what to do as Keena continued her trashing struggles against Marc. Her mouth was open, equally desperate for air as for making a sound but none came out.

"Maybe you should let the girl talk before you reach a conclusion." A familiar voice bellowed angrily. Keena's eyes snapped to the sound, finding Alijah.

 _Thank god._

That man had a talent for finding her in hopeless situations.

"Go away, arrant-boy." Marc snarled. "You-" But before he could say anything else, a shadow came up out of nowhere punching Marc to the ground in one forceful strike. As a result his hold on Keena's throat disappeared and she gasped for air eagerly before taking in the scene in front of her.

Eric and Marc were on the floor, fighting each other and gaining them a lot of bystanders by doing so. And god help her, she'd never seen Eric _so_ angry before. Not 10 seconds later, Eric got a good punch in, straight in Marc's face and causing him to cough up some blood. Taking advantage of this distraction Eric climbed on top of him and grabbed his head with both hands, bringing it up before smashing it down to the ground.

Marc's eyes rolled back into his head, clearly unconscious but Eric made no move to stop: His fists kept punching the other guy's face over and over again.

"Eric!" Someone yelled. "Eric! Eric stop!" It took Keena a few seconds to recognize the hoarse voice as her own. She moved forward, towards the scene and pressed her palm on his shoulder, squeezing it gently.

Eric whipped around, ready to attack whomever was coming at him but before his fist could reach her stomach it paused midair. Their eyes locked and Keena could see his raging black-eyes slowly turn back to their actual pale blue color. Eric's hand seemed to come out to caress her cheek, but just before it could, he seemed to remember where they were. And more importantly, who were surrounding them.

"Are you okay, initiate?" He asked gruffly. His voice, apart from the evident annoyance, very much emotionless. His eyes, however, told her a different story and she smiled gratefully up at him.

"I'm fine." She told him and Eric narrowed his eyes at her in disbelieve but didn't comment on it… at least for now.

"Someone bring this asshole to the infirmary." He stated bored, not taking his eyes of Keena. "Let's get you back to the dorms, initiate."

There were some gasps and murmurs under the bystanders at this revelation.

Eric walked away, expecting Keena to follow him and she did without thinking twice about it. Passing Marc's friends, she looked at them unfazed and steely, two shrinking away by the burning anger in her eyes. When her eyes landed on Avery however they softened a bit.

"An initiate, hm?" He asked. "That sure explains a lot." He said to no one in particular. At Keena's confused look he added. "I'm really sorry what happened. I truly am. I can't condone it or smooth it over in any way but just know that once Marc finds out you're an initiate he'll be really sorry and ashamed of himself too."

Keena snorted disbelievingly. "Because it's so much better to molest a full Dauntless-member?"

"No. No! Of course not! He's a good guy, really. Just… one with a fetish of… _particular_ role-play" Avery admitted sheepishly. "He's known for that around Dauntless. But you're an initiate so…"

"So I didn't know what I was getting myself into." Keena finished flatly. Right. _Of course_ this was happening to _her_ of all people. She laughed bitterly at her own foul luck. "I still don't like Marc." She told Avery. "But if what you're saying is really true he has no enemy in me."

"I wouldn't blame you if he had."

"He doesn't. I just don't need him in my face anytime soon. Apology or not."

"Duly noted. You're a cool girl…?" There was a question in his statement, asking after her name. Before she could answer however Eric had stalked back to her and snatched her arm, pulling her behind him forcefully.

"Initiate!" Eric bellowed harshly and Keena had to roll her eyes at him. "See you around, Avery." She smiled, as her body got involuntarily pulled after Eric's retreating one.

…

"What the hell were you thinking!" Eric hissed in anger as soon as they were outside.

"Leave her be, Eric." Alijah stated calmly as, he too, stepped out of the building. "It was a mistake, she's safe now, that's all that counts."

"No thanks to you!" Eric all but yelled at his friend. "What were you doing back there?! Enjoying the show?!"

"I know Marc. He's a fine lad, there had just been a misunderstanding. We could've handled it diplomatically but instead it ended up with some guy in the infirmary!" Alijah now yelled back now. "All because you couldn't control your bad temper!"

Keena stood between the two, as a small mouse between the two much bigger lions, hoping not to get noticed.

No such luck.

"A misunderstanding?!" Eric bellowed, pointing at Keena. "She couldn't breathe or scream! Anything could've happened!"

When his eyes flickered briefly over to hers, Keena could see the intense worry in them and although it was neither the place nor time, a warm and fluttering feeling formed inside her stomach. She was grateful, happy and relieved Eric cared about her enough to protect her when she needed it, even if his ways had been a tat too much.

She'd never had anyone looking out for her like at. At all even. This feeling of being cared for… it was strange, new but indescribably great. It also made her feel incredibly clingy and if Keena had been more of a prissy, she was sure she'd been crying happy tears by now and would be hugging him tightly, never to let go.

But she wasn't a prissy.

And thus, she tried to block out all the craving cells in her body that were ordering her to reach out and hold him. Or better yet, be held.

"Yes, but it didn't, because we were there." Alijah stated, once again calm. " _Nothing happened_ , Eric. So cool the fuck down."

Eric looked at him dumbly, railing in his obvious anger. When he spoke next his voice was eerily calm. But no one was fooled, he was fuming. "You call that back there _nothing_?"

"Eric." Keena tried soothingly, not at all liking the fact that the two friends were fighting over what happened to her. Especially when it wasn't even that big of a deal. Not since they'd left the building. "Eric, I'm fine. It was my own stupid fault. I should never have gone into a members-only party without knowing what I was getting myself into."

Eric's eyes snapped to hers, disbelieve clear in his eyes. "Damn right you shouldn't have!" He snapped angrily at her. "But what that asshole Marc did wasn't your fucking fault, you hear me?" Their eyes were locked and neither seemed willing or able to move away from the other. " _Do. You. Hear me_?" He asked again, still not moving his eyes away from her.

His stare was so intense Keena forgot how to breath but managed to bring out a small nod. There was something in his eyes that had her starstruck. His eyes were so convinced, so full of truth and honesty, in an almost desperate attempt to have her believe the same. It was so penetrating it was impossible not to believe him, as if disagreeing with him would start an apocalypse and be the end of the world.

"It was just a grope. She's been through worse." Alijah quipped, in an attempt to come between the two and their intense staring.

And just like that, a bucket of ice water washed over her. Keena's eyes flicked to Alijah and she stared at him in disbelieve, before her glare turned into one of fuming anger. Only then did he seem to realize his mistake.

"I. Oh… Keena I'm _so_ sorry!" The despair and regret written all over his face… as it damn should. He had promised to _never_ bring it up to anyone, not even to her. It was _her_ past and _she_ decided who got a glimpse on it, not fucking Alijah because he just happened to walk in on the whole ordeal all those years ago.

"Keena. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me!" He stuttered. "You have to believe me, I-"

"Don't." She bit. "Not now." Keena whipped around and stalked away.

Footsteps hurried behind her.  
They were too soft to be Eric's.

"And don't you dare to fucking follow me now, Alijah. I _will_ kill you." She barked.

The footsteps promptly stopped.

"Don't worry." She heard Eric tell Alijah. "I'll make sure she'll get to the dorms safely."

Right… 'To the dorms'… _sure_ he would _._

 **EPOV**

Eric was fuming.

At Marc. At Alijah. But _especially_ at Keena.

What had she been thinking, coming to a members-only party? Dressed like _that_? Dancing and socializing with god knows who!

"What the fuck were you thinking!" He yelled, as soon as the door of his apartment closed behind him, turning around to find Keena's wide green eyes stare up at him from underneath her long thick eyelashes.

"Christ, Eric. Just drop it already." Keena's impartial demeanor on the subject only fueled his burning anger. "It really wasn't that big of a deal. Like Alijah said, just a misunderstanding."

Was she kidding? She had to be but she wasn't. He knew she wasn't.

"For fuck's sake, Keena!" But the words didn't seem to register and before he knew it, his hand had grabbed her shoulders and slammed her against the nearest wall. "Quit the act!" He yelled in her face, his hands ghosting over her throat. "How is this a misunderstanding, hm? Tell me!" He increased pressure on her throat slightly, just enough for the message to come across but not to actually harm her physically. "How is this _not_ a big deal when you practically panic by as much as a kiss on your throat."

Keena's eyes were wide but for the first time someone touched her throat, he didn't detect fear in them. Her arms came out and swung around his neck, pressing herself up at him.

And for a moment, time seemed to stop.

They stood there, searching each other's eyes as they breathed in the same air, chests heaving in anticipation. She might not be ready to admit it allowed to herself, but she was on the same page as he was. She wanted him like he wanted her. She needed him like he needed her.

They craved each other, choose each other.

They were committed. They knew what they wanted and had decided to make a go for it. Words were so trivial anyway. It was the feeling that mattered.

Their eyes still locked and calmer than the situation would've predicted, he kissed her gently, his lips softly brushing hers as he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, pulling her into his warm embrace. It was a simple, sweet kiss. No clashing teeth or bitten lips and yet it felt oddly intense.

Licking his tongue softly over her lips, she parted them eagerly, granting him access. Their tongues softly twirled and danced around each other as Keena whimpered softly in his mouth, making his member twitch in anticipation. Growling, he told it to stand down as his arms slid all around her waist tighter in an attempt to hug her closer than was physically possible. Keena in turn clung onto him, her shaky hands grabbing desperately underneath his shirt to hold onto his skin with her fingertips firmly pressed into his muscles, as if he'd vanish if she didn't.

Eric would've been content with kissing her like that for the entire night, but let's be honest, who wouldn't take more if it was possible?

Soon their kiss intensified and his member strained painfully against his pants and pressed into her abdomen. Needing the friction he pushed it into her even more as she whimpered into his mouth.

"Eric." She gasped.

God, he wanted her so bad.

For fuck's sake, she'd been molested tonight and here he was ready to devour her. He shouldn't. He really fucking shouldn't. Hadn't he decided just an hour ago not to treat her like just some good fuck? That she deserved more?

Well, he could do that. He'd give her more. He'd worship her, show her how much she was really worth and that dirty hands like that fucker Marc's were not allowed to touch her ever again.

He'd make her forget all about other men.  
 _He_ should be the only man in her life. _Would_ be too, from now on.

Grinding into her, he deepened the kiss, loving the way how she gasped and moaned at his touch. Her hands grabbed at his short hair, pulling it hard and he loved the bitter sweet sting of it.

Lifting her up bridal style, as the dress prevented any other way, he carried her into his bedroom, neither planning on breaking up their kiss. Her arms were still wrapped around his head in a sweet embrace, playing with the short little hairs on the back of his neck when he gently lifted her back to her feet.

She was desperate for his touch when he took his sweet time to unzip her dress and let it pool around her feet, leaving her star-naked. At his questioning gaze she rolled her eyes. "It's a see-through dress Eric, what did you expect?"

 _Well, not that obviously._ If he had known, he would've run straight home with her.

A growl escaped him as he attacked her lips in a bruising kiss, briefly forgetting himself. When her hands started to toy with his belt however, he was quick to whip her around, her back pressed to his chest.

Growling at the sensation of her naked ass pressed against his crotch, giving him some sort of friction, he dropped his head in the crook of his neck and breathed in her smell. His cock pulsed at the content sigh she breathed.

From his position behind her, his lips brushed her neck until they found that weak spot under her ear she so loved. She gasped as he kissed, sucked and nibbled the soft skin there and he had to hold back a throaty roar himself as she pressed her perfect ass against his cock. His one hand wrapped around her waist possessively, holding her close and steady, while his other hand trailed down, teasing the skin just around her clit briefly before his fingers skillfully moved over it.

She moaned. He loved her moans.

Continuing his strokes between her folds, she grew wetter by the second and Keena threw her head back to give him more access, accidently slamming it onto his shoulder as she did. She started to grind into him, moaning his name softly as his lips moved over to her shoulder. Her hands came up, clumsily trying to guide his head towards her waiting mouth as she cocked her head to the side. He decided to indulge her and kissed her, his tongue lapping at hers in her mouth as she continued to whimper in his.

Slipping one finger between her folds and entering her waiting and craving core, he found her hot and wet for him: just the way he liked it. He loved the way she shuddered when he found her G-spot, her legs instantly shaking like a newborn deer, only the arm wrapped around her stomach was holding her up. He broke the kiss, instead opting for butterfly kisses over her jaw, trailing his way to her ear where he stopped and nibbled at her earlobe. A small throaty whine escaping her.

"Eric." She gasped, as he slid another finger between her folds. He could feel her walls tighten. She was his. She was. He knew that, she knew that but he needed to hear her admit it. This night had been pure agony. He needed a reward after that trying torture.

He needed her to say it out loud.

"That's right." He whispered in her ear, his own voice just as raw and hoarse as hers. "I'm the only one who makes you feel like this, aren't I?"

She nodded her head worthlessly.

"Good girl." He told her, speeding up his finger movements. "I'm the only one who's touch you crave."

She nodded again. "Yes." She moaned.

"No one is allowed to ever touch you again." She let out a ragged breath at his strict and greedy voice. "Do you hear me?"

"Yes. Yes." She trashed her head against his shoulder. "Eric please." She whimpered as his free hand grabbed hold of her bouncy breast

"You're mine." He growled deeply, possessively.

"Yes, Eric."

"Say it!" He ordered.

"I'm yours, Eric! All yours. You're the only one I wa-a-ant. Eric… ah! Yes, Eric! Yes!" She screamed out in pleasure, her walls collapsing around his fingers. He held her tightly to prevent her from falling to the floor as the orgasm washed over her, but he also kept his hold on her long after the orgasm had passed.

He let her undress him then, before claiming her mouth and kissing her deeply as their naked bodies stood pressed against each other. Her breaths were short and her whimpers many as his fingers played with her blonde locks, stroking her back at the same time as he did. When her hand came out to play with his pulsing cock, he nearly came undone right then and there, relishing in her soft and gentle touch. She rubbed her thumb over his head, smearing out the precum before grapping the shaft more firmly. Lolling his head back with a growl, he let her stroke him for a bit…

But just a bit.

This wasn't about him, after all. Well, indirectly it was because he wanted to be the only man in her life, but therefore she was the one that needed to be pleased until she forgot every man that came before him and would make her forget any other option was even possible at all.

When her soft strokes tuned into full-on pumping, his lips attacked hers in a needy kiss, once again back to the familiar level of clashing teeth and bitten lips. His hands were roaming all over her body, loving how soft and silky her skin always was. Pressing one of his fingers against her clit, she cried out softly in want, making her movements on his cock falter.

Taking advantage of the situation he goaded her closer to the bed until the back of her knees touched it and she fell backwards on top of it.

Crawled over her slowly, he kissed and sucked and bit as much of her soft skin as was possible. Starting with her left feet, he lifted it slightly, kissing every inch of it upwards until he was at the inside of her thighs.

Keena was trashing in anticipation, desperate for his mouth to connect with her cunt but he never did. Instead he lifted her other leg, repeating his ministrations on it and giving it equally as much attention. When again, he kept his mouth away from her craving core, a fully flustered Keena let out a uncontrolled frustrated roar.

Fuck. That was sexy.

His eyes snapped to Keena's, seeing them blazing with both lust and anger: a dangerous but fun combination that seemed to beckon him to tease her over the edge.

Starting with one of her hands now, sucking a finger gently before trailing his lips to the crook of her neck only to move down over the swell of her breast, her red and hard nipple and soft flat stomach.

This time, he made sure his breath tickled her clit and Eric chuckled as Keena tried to push herself upwards and into his face, but luckily his hand was quickly on her stomach to push her buckling hips down into the mattress again.

Another fucking sexy growl escaped her lips.

"Eric!" She accused, her voice croaky.

Eric grinned against her thigh, breath tickling her clit as she trashed, desperate for him to touch her.

Good. But not quite good enough.  
He would make her come merely by craving his touch, without actually giving it to her. That was his goal.

His mouth lapped on her other arm, again repeating his previous ministrations but this time, he nibbled a little longer in her neck and bit down her enflamed nipple, making her cry out in want.

When his mouth was once again hovering above her cunt, he breathed down on it.

"Eric! I swear to god…" Keena trailed off as he kissed the insides of her thighs, he watched as the muscles of her cunt clutched open and closed, wetness escaping it as her legs trashed and hips buckled. "Eric!" She whimpered helplessly.

Her hands came out to help out herself but he grabbed them just in time, pinning them down next to her body.

"You'll get what you want if you be a good girl, Keena."

"Ericccc!" She was trashing relentlessly now. "I'll kill you." She bit venomously, pure desperation and lust mingled into one.

"Come for me!" He ordered in a bellow, the vibration of his voice and breath on her clit.

That did it.

Eric watched in awe as Keena's whole body shook and she was trashing at her orgasm before he quickly gave her what she'd been screaming for. Lapping his tongue between her folds he eagerly drank all of her sweetness, causing a second orgasm to start while the first was still washing over her.

His hands had to hold on to her hips to hold down her buckling trashes while Keena's hands seemed to be everywhere: Pulling at his hair or pulling at her own, pushing his head down further into her or twisting her nipples.

She was helplessly uncontrollable, exactly how she needed to be.

It was the first time he realized that: He had never wanted to control her, he merely wanted her to lose it but for her to do that, he had to take it away from her.

But this, this was perfect.

She screamed his name in pleasure as she jerked at his hair until he complied and brought his head towards hers and crawled up her body. She was scratching his chest, her nails tracing his ripped muscles eagerly until she reached his waist but when she reached out for his eager member again, he whisked her hand away, pressing his body into hers instead – on all the right places of course.

She tried to move her hips upwards, hoping he'd burry himself inside of her but he wouldn't. Not quite yet.

Not wasting any time he grabbed both her hands and pinned them down above her head with one of his own. Her eyes glittered with delight as he held her chin with his free hand, guiding her to look at him.

"Are you going to be a good girl or bad girl?" He asked in a raspy voice. She knew exactly what he meant, they had done this little game before: Did he have to pin her down or would she comply and leave her hands above her head so he could move freely with both of his.

Sometimes, she would comply, loving the way he touched her, so the more hands could roam over her body freely, the merrier. But the mischievous glint in her eyes currently didn't particularly scream docile girl. Eric knew exactly what her choice was and he loved it.

"I haven't decided yet." She told him with a small playful little smirk on her lips, before biting down on her juicy bottom lip.

Eric let a deep throaty roar escape his lips as he felt his already impossibly hard-on erect even more at the sight. He dived his head down, teeth clashing as he claimed her mouth in an all-consuming kiss. Lost in the kiss, she didn't seem to register how he was tying her hands to the bed with the tip of the silk sheets.

As soon as he'd finished his handy work, he broke the kiss and smirked down at her in victory. Her eyes widened a bit before she let out a turned-on whimper. Pressing her lips upwards and grinding against his cock. "Come. In. Me." She moaned as Eric watched her squirm underneath him.

Dear god, his self-control. He didn't want to brag but…

Keena rolled her body underneath him, her breasts heaving out to him, beckoning him to touch them. He watched how his fingers fondled with her perky nipples for a bit before Keena's strangled moan caught his attention and at the sight of her lustful eyes, he dived his mouth down and roughly dominated hers, giving away his all in the kiss and leaving no room to breathe.

Eventually, however, he had to come up for air, and he pushed himself slightly off of her, both feeling the loss of contact immediately. She tried to move up along with him, but he pushed her roughly back on the soft matrass.

His mouth trailed from her jawline down her neck to the soft flesh of her breasts. She whimpered and silently gasped his name.

"Eric." She moaned softly as his mouth feasted on the succulent flesh of her breasts, just around her nipples. They were hard, begging for him to touch them.

"Eric what?" He taunted, his breath a soft caress over her exposed skin, causing goosebumps to form on her breasts.

"Fuck you." She bit, although it didn't come off as strongly as she presumably would've liked: she was half out of breath. "You _know_ what. Get the fuck inside!" She managed eventually.

Eric chuckled. "In a bit." He told her, closing his mouth ever so briefly around one of her red enflamed nipples. It wasn't enough and he knew it. "Now, what's the magic word?"

"Now!" Keena huskily growled in a horny frustration. Slipping one hand between them he felt her soaking wet. His eyes darkened, his nostrils flared and he breathed in deep, trying to hold back the roaring beast inside.

But it was to no avail.

It was like the calm before the storm: You saw it coming from miles away and yet no direct sound or movement had made you realize just how powerful it would be.

But then his control slipped.

 **KPOV**

Suddenly he was everywhere.

His teeth lashed upon her nipple, pulling and biting it painfully hard as his hand grabbed a hold of his cock, finding her entrance and shoving it inside of her desperately waiting core with a frantic hurry.

"Fuck." He growled and he was trying to say more but she didn't understand as his lips had crashed back to hers all at once. His tongue darted in jaggedly, easily dominating the entire kiss and his aggressiveness aroused her only more.

Hearing his primal roar spun her on further and she was now squirming and shaking underneath him, letting her orgasm wash over her and chanting his name over and over again into his mouth where his tongue kept devouring her.

"Fuck. Keena." Eric hissed and broke the kiss, he had stilled inside of her, probably to postpone his own orgasm. She could feel his eyes linger on her face, even with her eyes closed as she counted the stars and rode out her orgasm.

When she opened her eyes the stars hadn't disappeared quite yet but she wanted to see him.

To see him watch her.

She expected him to say something like 'I didn't tell you to come yet, little one', as he had done so often when she had come 'without permission', but instead she found him watching her with one of his rare stares.

The one that made her toes curl and her heart flutter. The one that made her feel cherished and wanted and protected all at once. As if she was the best thing in the world.

She was probably imagining it all, but for someone who had never received any of those feelings from anybody in her life before, it didn't matter whether it was real or not, as long as she could pretend it was.

For a moment, they just laid there: his face hovering mere inches above her own, both breathing in the same air. An unspoken understanding seemed to pass them, but it was as vague as it was clear. If that made any sense.

Probably not.

"Keena." Eric whispered hoarsely and he started to move slowly in and out of her.

Agonizingly slow.  
Sensationally slow.  
 _Sensually_ slow.

"Oh, yes." He groaned as she whimpered.

Eric propped himself up on his elbows; their foreheads touching as one of his hands fisted in her hair while the other cupped her cheek. He kissed her, a slow kiss that had her crave for more while the movements of his big cock sliding in and out of her never faltered or changed its pace.

"Mine." He breathed into her ear as he broke the kiss. His hands fumbled with the sheets to untighten her hands so they could move freely.

She eagerly did, her nails immediately clawing at the muscles on his back.

The slow pace, the way he was looking at her… it all was too much. "Eric!" She moaned before biting her lip, trying to find everything in herself not to come again.

"Yes." His voice was throaty. "Come for me. Let me see how good I make you feel. How no one else can make you feel."

"Ericccc." She moaned louder this time, grabbing hold of his hips and starting to buck her own against it, hoping to speed up the process.

Eric got the message and sped up his own movements. The sound of their smacking skin, his balls against her cunt, bouncing on her clit. She loved it, relished in it, wanted more of it.

"More, more." She choked out as he sped up even more. "Yeees."

His trusts became relentless now. Harsh slamming sounds and loud screaming sounds filled the crisp morning air. As well did the slick sound of his shaft moving in and out of her soaking wetness.

Eric somehow managed to roll them over and made them sit up straight, so she was now straddling his hips. Keena moved herself up and down frantically, Eric's hands on her bouncing ass to guide her, slamming her roughly down on his cock while bringing his own hips up.

It was painfully powerful.  
Amazing. Heavenly. A total bliss.

Absolutely fucking perfect.

He was eagerly watching her bouncing tits as she rode herself to her orgasm, screaming out his name in pure bliss again and again as she lolled her head and closed her eyes, the sensations to overwhelming. She felt his eyes on her and glanced briefly at him, only to see him with pursed lips, a frown in his brows as he slammed her down on himself until he was buried deep _deep_ inside of her.

The prick was holding his own orgasm back, she could tell.

Roaring as she came he let her ride it out before he lifted her still shaky body up and moved over to the closet. Too little patience to get there though, he attacked her halfway through, causing her back to crash into the mirror so hard it cracked.

Neither minded.

Or noticed, for that matter.

All she heard was her own high-pitched screams of his name as he grunted hers, his lips feasting on the soft skin in the crook of her neck.

"You're _mine_ , Keena. You're fucking mine." She swore she heard him say. And hell if it didn't turn her on.

 _She was his_. But not because he ordered it.

She was his because she couldn't help herself from being his. Even if every logical cell in her body told her how nobody was able to possess her, she couldn't stop herself from wanting to be his, willing to give every piece of herself into his capable strong hands.

He briefly pulled out, swirling her around before thrusting right back inside of her from behind. She grabbed the broken mirror – for the first time noticing it was broken but she had no time to look at it long as Eric's powerful trusts had her crash into it again, his body pushing her impossibly deep into the surface.

Eric's hand somehow managed to miraculously find room to slide between her and the closet though, and his hand roughly rubbed over her clit in sloppy but firm movements.

Her knees buckled and she felt her third orgasm approach. "ERIC DON'T STOP." She all but yelled, feeling awfully sorry for his neighbors.

"Not until you come for me, my little Dauntless." He managed through gritted teeth, his hips slamming hard against her ass with each trust.

Her legs turned to jelly then and she would've tumbled to the floor if Eric hadn't caught her. Half-throwing her onto the bed before pulling her ass right back up to him as he continued to stay at the end of the bed, his knees only slightly leaning against the matrass as he rushed right back inside of her. Keena stood on her hands and knees as he pumped in and out of her from behind without control.

She loved every moment of it.

She saw dizzy from the stars that were clouding her sight once again, loving the way Eric's balls smacked against her cunt just right.

Eric's hands were holding onto her hips for dear life, moving them back at him as he plunged his forward. Groaning and hissing with each trust, his huge cock filled her up completely over and again, stretching her out to a point it would be painful if she hadn't loved it so.

One hand came forward, fisting into her hair, pulling her back up at him. She complied and was now standing on her knees, her bum firmly planted against his hips, grinding him as he continued to thrust into her deeply. His lips latched onto the skin in her neck, biting her in a bruising way.

She gasped for air, the sensation seemed too overwhelming to survive.

"Say it." He hissed. He didn't need to tell her what.

"I'm yours! I'm yours!" She screamed as he somehow managed to even plunge deeper. "I'm yours, Eric. I'm yours!".

And she was.

She truly was, even if she wasn't ready to admit to such a commitment out of the bedroom, at least for now, she truly was his.

She was beginning to see stars again as his one hand pressed onto her clit while his other was wrapped possessively around her waist.

"Ericcc!" She cried out, as his waist-hand came up to twitch a nipple, while the other continued its ministrations of rubbing her clit forcefully. "Eric! Please!"

"That's right, my Keena. That's right." He roared. "Come for me and only me."

And with those words she came for the 'god-knows-how-many'th time that night, her walls collapsing and clenching around his pulsing cock, causing him to come with her.

He grunted, breathing her name in heavy sighs as she milked him. Exhaustedly he fell on top of her but he continued his soft trusts long after they were both completely spend.

"Mine." He breathed against her spine as he lavished it with butterfly kisses.

"Yes. Yours." She sighed content, unable to stop the warm sensational feeling from forming in her stomach as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled the sheets over them.

Cupping her cheeks, he kissed her gently.

They laid there for a while, content with their sweet caresses and soft kiss. Eventually though, Eric seemed to slowly drift off in slumber and he broke the kiss in favor of a tight hug, a content sound escaping his lips.

"You looked lovely tonight." Eric sighed, already halfway asleep. "Did I tell you that?"

"No."

"Well, you did."

"Oh."

Silence.

"You don't believe me?"

"Well, I thought… Maybe…" She trailed of and as if reading her mind, Eric gave answer to her unspoken question.

"Don't blame the dress. Assholes like Marc will always find a reason to touch something beautiful even when they shouldn't or can't. You looked lovely. Trust me."

"Oh."

Eric's rich chuckle broke the silence that followed.

"You suck at receiving compliments."

"How would you know?" She shot back. "This is the first one you're giving me, that's hardly representative for a generalization."

"The first one? Is that so?" Eric rolled on top of her, ice blue meeting bottle green. "I like blond hair." He told her honestly, his fingers playing with her locks, causing Keena to shiver against her will. "There. That's the second."

"That's hardly a compliment." Keena laughed. "That's just stating your opinion."

"See! You suck at receiving them!"

"Maybe you suck at giving them."

"I beg to differ. You have blond hair, I told you I like it."

"You could've been talking about yourself."

"Well. I wasn't. I was only talking about your hair. It suits you."

"Maybe that's because it's my natural hair color?" Keena rolled her eyes.

Eric looked at her intently for a moment, his lips pursed together slightly holding back his laughter.

"Yeah, you're right. You're absolutely fantastic at receiving compliments." He snorted, poking her side in a ticklish way before rolling of off her and hugging her close to him.

Another silence followed, but both were content with listening to the silence of the night.

"Do you mind if I sleep for a bit?" Eric yawned eventually, his voice low and warm while his fingers trailed up and down her side. She murmured her consent and reached for the switch, turning of the light.

"Not at all." She sighed as he nuzzled her neck. Not long after Keena could hear the rhythm of his deep even breaths. Daring to switch on the nightlamp on his nightstand she turned to look at him.

Having to keep herself from jiggling, she smiled a happy smile and reached for 'her' book that was still laying on the nightstand from the night before when he'd fallen asleep for the first time.

Whatever this was between her and Eric. It sure felt good.

 **EPOV**

"How'd you sleep, princess?" Keena teased him as he woke up a few hours later. Looking at the clock it was only 4am. Perfect. This meant he still had a few hours with Keena left.

Hours he planned on using to the fullest.

"We can't all have insomnia." Eric shot back, already climbing on top of her, his erection evident.

"I know, how cruel for me that you don't have it too, what is a girl to do at night when not having…" Keena gasped as he trusted into her. " _That_." Keena grinned, finishing her sentence as the book she'd been reading fell hopelessly to the floor.

…

 **KPOV**

Eric was watching her with a peculiar look. It was clear that his ice blue eyes were searching for something specific in her own bottle green orbs, yet it remained unclear to her what that something was and whether or not he found it.

And whether or not she wanted him to find it.

Although he had never actually asked her questions like 'what's wrong?' or ordered her to tell him what was on her mind, he might as well could've done: His eyes always seemed to convey the messages just fine… When he slipped off his mask and intended for her to see, that is. Which was something he did more and more often as of late.

Still, she was grateful he had never said the words out loud, leaving it totally up to her if she wanted to acknowledge his superior knowledge on her person or not.

She never did.

"Relax." He stated authoritatively. Not that Keena could see it for anything else than what it was: It was Eric's way of saying 'I see you. I notice something is amiss and find a way to fix it'.

Strangely enough, Keena was quite sure he would help her fix it if she'd let him.  
Even stranger, she was sure he actually _wanted_ to help too.

She slightly rolled away from him in an attempt to shake his penetrating stare, but the moment her skin lost contact with his, he was quick to follow suit and rolled along with her, spooning her from behind.

Somehow, this made her feel infinitely warm inside.

She'd never liked the loss of contact to begin with.

"Do you ever feel…" She trailed off and funnily enough, not because she didn't want to tell him. For once, she actually did. She just didn't know how to tell him best. Or at all for that matter. It was not as if she had any experience with expressing her more private thoughts.

Somehow sensing her doubts, Eric wrapped his arms around her possessively and kissed the top of her head. It was a small and gentle gesture he barely bestowed upon her and Keena couldn't help the small content sigh escaping her lips, nor could she stop the goosebumps from forming on her neck when he trailed his lips over her skin there in soft ghostlike kisses, his lips soft and warm on her flesh.

"Do I ever feel what?" His voice was raw but gentle, just like the soft caresses of his rough and scarred hands. Keena's breath caught in her throat, unable to form words any longer. The moment was harmless enough and yet it felt significant. It excited her as much as it scared her, as if she was about to cross some boundary.

A boundary set to ensure her safety.

Crossing it would surely bring its risks, but like all things in life only the things with risks gave the strongest feelings of happiness, excitement, freedom, thrill and so many other good things.

Feelings that made safety worth risking.  
Feelings her thrill-seeking and adrenaline-junky heart longed for.

"Do you ever feel… Like… Like…" She let out a frustrated growl. "I'm no good at this." Feeling Eric's warm breath tickle the back of her neck as a low and rich chuckle escaped him left her softly moaning. How was it possible that she was always so turned on around him?

She felt Eric slightly stiffen at her moan, his arms flexing as they held her against him. "Eric." She put all of her pleas into that one word - his name - falling back on the language they both knew by heart.

The language of sex.

Eric was quick to respond. His lips attacked her skin by means of kissing and sucking it on all the places he could reach and Keena whimpered as his fingers found her firm nipples, flicking and twitching them. When he bit down into the soft flesh underneath her ear, she involuntarily arched her back, pressing her bum right up against his already hard cock. She heard him grunt from deep within his throat and he sucked in some air when she started to move her ass up and down, grinding against it.

"Keena." He grunted reluctantly. "Keena. Wait."

"What for?" She asked hoarsely, not stopping the movements of her hips against his.

"What were you trying to tell me?" He mumbled with his lips pressed to her shoulder.

"Eric." Keena whined, grinding even harder. Her buns now pretty much wrapped around his cock and for some bizarre reason it reminded her of a hotdog. Weird, she didn't even like those, but she sure as hell loved this one. "It wasn't important. Just come inside me already." She whined, her hands grasping backwards to hold on to his neck and ass for more stability in her grinds.

Instead of the desired course of action, however, Eric moved away from her just enough so only his arms were still touching her, although they had left their original spot on her breasts in favor of her stomach and hip. One of his hands came up to her chin, guiding it gently to turn a bit to look at him.

Eric was looking at her in that peculiar way again: his bright blue eyes searching her bottle green ones for that something she still knew not what.

"It is important to me." His deep voice rumbled. There was a kindness in his voice she'd never heard before, some sort of honest openness that caressed her in a way his touch could not: playing with her mind and making her feel all sorts of fuzzy tingling sensations from within. "Please?"

 **EPOV**

Keena's eyes dilated at his words and he watched her emotions dance in those big green eyes he loved so much: Changing quickly from shock to disbelieve to happiness to… guarded.

Her eyes seemed to accuse him of something, and although he could not fathom what for the daggers she was shooting him were unmistakably. She scrambled away from him, almost falling out of bed in her hurry but he was swift enough to catch her hip on time to pull her back onto the bed before she could fully drop to the floor. He watched the embarrassed blush appear on her cheeks while she tried to do everything in her power to avoid his gaze, the ceiling suddenly turning into the most interesting thing in this world.

"Keena?" Eric ushered slightly confused at her sudden behavior, but she refused to look at him. "Keena look at me for a moment." He ordered more forcefully.

"For fuck's sake, Keena! Stop being such a coward and goddamn look at me!" Eric bellowed, his voice sounding stricter than he had intended it to be. In response, Keena's eyes flashed briefly towards his in disbelieve before quickly moving them over to the wall behind him, yet another suddenly fascinating surface.

"Sorry to disappoint, sir. In a week's time you can finally send me off to the factionless like you've been wanting to do for months now, so you won't have to put up with my cowardly ass for much longer." Here voice was collected and chilling to the bone. In that moment it reminded him very much of Jeanine's: equally as devoid of any warm feelings and strictly businesslike.

It didn't please him one bit.

He normally absolutely enjoyed a good witty banter with her, but for some reason this felt nothing like their usual 'hostilities' – which, to be honest, had long since been devoid of any form of hostility at all, only to be replaced by a teasing playfulness.

But this… This cold and icy demeanor… It both saddened as angered him.

"Don't be ridiculous, _Amity._ " He snarled in the most disgusted voice he could muster, putting all of his frustration into the last word. If he didn't know her like he did, he'd be sure she wasn't affected by his words at all, apart from maybe a mere annoyance she chose to display in her eyes.

But he _did_ know her better than that.

How could he not? She was so similar to himself and yet so different all at once.

When one angered Eric, he'd be sure to put said person on fire and make them regret their previous course of action. Bagging him for forgiveness.  
When one angered Keena, she'd be sure to make said person freeze in fear and make them doubt all courses of action that followed it. Begging for forgiveness was not an option anymore at that point. Hell, she wouldn't even register the pleas, as she would be too far off into her own damn sacred world no one would ever be able to reach.

Fuck. The last thing he felt like was enraging her again tonight. He had just wanted to hear her out, to listen to what she'd been about to say.

Just his ironical luck, of course: For months he had suppressed his impulses that showed his desire to get to know her (because he didn't want to risk being found out that he actually cared about her) and then the moment he did show them openly – risks be fucking damned – they'd end up fighting over…

Over what exactly where they fighting?

"You know I won't do that, Keena." Eric tried again when she remained silent, his voice a bit softer and almost akin to pleading this time. "Neither do I want to… You _know_ that." There was not a single form of malice to be found in his words anymore. Instead, he sounded like a soft wussy, even to his own ears.

Still, Keena didn't respond. Her eyes were glazed over as she continued staring blackly at the wall behind him. With the silence continuing, Eric played over the past two minutes in his head. He couldn't figure out where they went wrong and thus, his body responded like it always did when in doubt: His blood started boiling.

Suddenly angry at himself for sounding as wussy as he had and even more angry at her for inciting it out of him, he started yelling again. "For fuck's sake, Keena. Answer me!" Eric took an aggressive hold on her chin and forced her to look him in the eye.

The forceful turn of her head made her snap back to reality and Eric was glad to note how her eyes redefined their customarily sharp perceptiveness, although they were still robbed of the sparkling amusement they usually held. Instead, they now only displayed her obvious annoyance, but other emotions were still carefully and successfully stashed behind her mask of cold indifference.

"Do I?" Her voice was ice cold and something in Eric's chest tightened at the sound of it. It somehow both angered him how she, someone so full of burning passion, could turn into such an ice queen in a matter of seconds when you crossed her the wrong way. "A coward does not necessarily make an Erudite." She stated taciturnly, her eyes shooting daggers at him.

Seriously, if he would be able to actually hate one thing about her, it would be this: Her dangerously detaching personality trait. In a matter of seconds her whole countenance could change from zero to Brady. Although he had never seen her displaying it quite as intense as she did right this very second.

What the fuck had _he_ done to ignite that? Hell, how had he angered her at all to begin with? It was true, he loved provoking her and riling her up. He enjoyed their banter like a dance of competitive minds but in this particular case he had done _nothing_ to aggravate her.

Not _on purpose_ anyway.

And then it hit him.

She wasn't fuming or aggravated. She wasn't mad or infuriated. She was closing herself of for the sole reason of being _frightened_.

Like, really truly terrified.

He hadn't angered her. He had frightened her by means of wanting to know about her thoughts, thereby suddenly coming all too close for her liking and causing her defensive mechanism to kick in.

Of course, how could he not have seen it sooner? They were so similar it was ridiculous.

When Eric was frightened, he lashed out. Frenzied. Irate. Explosive.  
When Keena was frightened, apparently, she became distant, unreachable and turned into fucking frostbite. Cold. Painful. Deathly.

Where he was obvious, she was underhand. Where he'd make them experience fear in a physical way, she'd play a mental game. Just like they did when they were angered.

Maybe it had to do with their childhoods: both had received little parental attention growing up. They grew up with the normality of being ignored and unwanted and as a result they now didn't know how to deal with positive attention. It seemed plausible enough an explanation, although they both grew to deal with attention in very dissimilar ways: Were Eric sought and earned himself slightly disturbing negative attention, Keena pretty much shrank away from any form of attention at all.

It was no secret that Eric liked the fame that came with the leadership. He liked to be seen and noticed. He _loved_ to be feared. He was powerful in the obvious way, displaying it through his impressive build and stance and bullying people into shitting their pants whenever he could or felt like it. He liked ordering people about and seeing them sweat just in an impossible attempt to please him.

If that sounded a tat sadistic, then that's because he was.

For reasons Eric couldn't wrap his mind around however, Keena actually tried to hide herself. Hell, even behind closed doors she had sometimes trouble with letting him look at her properly, often rushing him to 'get inside of her already' when he took his sweet time to admire her. He had always found it oddly prudish for an Amity, especially one with as much experience as she probably had – although he tried not to think about that little fact too much.

But also outside of the bedroom, she was constantly adapting to her surroundings. He had seen her trying to blend in with the crowd, mimicking their cheery moods to a point of perfection and having them all believe she was just like them: harmless, happy, carefree. She succeeded in the act quite daftly as well, seemingly effortlessly even if only her eyes wouldn't have told him the truth. But for those who didn't cared to look closely, the small and cheeky girl looked innocent enough to trust and that's where she caught them into her spider's web.

Because the girl held a deathly manipulative kind of power. One that was deceitful, underhand and cutthroat.

Yes, she was kind, loyal and friendly… As long as you didn't provoke her in the wrong way. She was pleasant and undeniably happy at times, especially when surrounded by friends and yes, her playful and mischievous sides were very much real as well, but you'd be a fool if you mistook her easygoing personality for a weakness.

Her eyes were always sharp and focused. She saw what others missed, noticed things others would overlook. But where Eric liked to show off a power like that, Keena always kept her silence… Until someone was stupid enough to provoke her into using the knowledge against them.

Jasper had accomplished to force Keena's wrath out of her on many an occasion and Eric himself would've skilled the same if not for the fact he was a leader and the one evaluating her training. Keena had lashed out at him but a few times, but not out of lack in provocation on his part. The girl was simply too clever and too much in control to lose her cool and risk a drop in ranking. So, she had kept her witty comebacks more often than not to herself for the sole sake of keeping her rankings secure but that sure hadn't stopped the destructive passion from showing in her eyes.

A passion he esteemed and revered.

So yes, she might be small, calm and kind, but she was quick to turn that shit around into something destructive when you gave her a reason to. Small but no less deathly. Like a snake. Or a scorpion… Or in her case, maybe a cute looking Slow Loris would be a more accurate description: They certainly had the big eyes in common and they both released some deathly venom when one frightened it enough.

It might sound like an insult, but to Eric it really wasn't. He understood were she came from; her life consisted out of the whole kill or be killed dilemma.

Cliché?

Perhaps.

But no less true because of it.

Eric thought back to all those months ago, when Alijah had talked about Keena for the first time. He had laughed at his friend then, but Alijah had been right. The girl was like a storm.

A fucking whirlwind at that.

Everything looked warm, cozy and harmless enough, until suddenly she turned into this destructive power, destroying everything and everyone in its path. Only the ones she held dear to her – the ones she held in her heart – were kept close enough to pass it all safely from within the eye of her storm.

And although Eric loved to rile her up and argue with her for the fun of it, he knew he'd by now give his fucking life to be trusted enough with one of those rare spots in moments it really mattered.

And the way she was looking at him right now – cold, distant and indifferent – only told him he was well on his way to accomplish just that. It was a sign he was getting on her nerves. Well… _Good_.

 _Try and shut me out all you what you want, little dauntless, I won't be pushed away._


	29. Chapter 29: The Admission

**It has been a while but here it is! Thank you for waiting, my mid-terms are over so I will be able to post more regularly from now on again. (Also I started a new Harry Potter fanfic, so check that out if you're into Dramione).**

 **But yeah, hope you guys like it and be sure to review! Please keep in mind that while they talk a little about feelings in this chapter, they are still two people who have never trusted anyone in their lives, so baby steps are milestones when it comes to opening up.**

 **This is a more heavy chapter so I'll try to make the next a bit more airy and fun!**

 **Love!**

 **EPOV**

They sat in silence for a long time, both trying to stare the other down.

Eric couldn't quite remember how the fight had started, nor could he recall when the staring contest had begun. He just knew he couldn't cave to her obvious wish of him backing down: He simply _could not lose._

If she was scared and wanted to run, that was fine. Well, not 'fine' exactly, but there was little he could do about it: She was way too stubborn to let him change her mind, but if nothing else, he sure as hell _would_ make her know that _she_ was the one running away from _him_ and not the other way around.

For the first time in his life, it wasn't even about winning or being the best either. Hell, he couldn't give a rat's ass about that shit right now. His previous competitiveness seemed trivial to what was at stake at this moment. The only thing he wanted was for her to know that he wasn't going anywhere. That she could try to push him away all she wanted but in the end she was the one giving up.

 _Not him_.

Eric wasn't daft. If he lost this stupid competition, he would only add to her firm believe that everybody always gave up on everything – and everybody – eventually. She was pessimistic like that, but too bad for her, he was about to prove her wrong because Eric was not a man who just happened to give up… _ever_. When he wanted something, he would get it. Period.

Well, 'get' it… Don't get him wrong. He had never _'just_ _gotten'_ a single thing in his life. There was always a price attached to a prize: Exertion, sweat, blood and a little persuasion. He would work hard, push some boundaries, break some bones and sell his fucking soul to the devil if he had to, but in the end he would get what he wanted.

 _Always_.

And Keena wouldn't be the exception. After all, his determination had already won him the truth about her history, restricted file or not. She just gave him a serious run for his money. That's all.

 **KPOV**

Well, would you look at that. Eric being a persistent arrogant ass? Someone hand him the trophy of most-predictable-piece-of-shit already, because he was starting to get on her nerves.

Why was he so resolute to get inside her head anyway? He certainly didn't try to understand other initiates and she also didn't particularly take him as the kind of guy who gave a fuck about the girls he slept with. The casual sex they'd been having for weeks was one thing, but him thinking that he somehow earned the right to know her deepest thoughts was something completely different.

Who did this arrogant son of a bitch think that he was exactly?! Also, where did he even get the idea she was so goddamn interesting? It couldn't still be because he suspected her to be divergent right? She had proved to be a 'real' dauntless months ago… faked it, but still.

No, he was just being hard-headed. He would give up soon enough, everyone always did eventually and she fully expected him to do the same. He might be arrogant, but he wasn't as special as he liked to think he was. He'd give up, but he just gave her a bit of an extra challenge. That's all. Nothing she couldn't handle.

 **EPOV**

She might want – no _, expect_ – him to give up on her but one look at those big bottle green eyes told him all he needed to know: She didn't like him getting close and that didn't want to feel anything other than indifference or disdain.

Basically, her eyes told him to royally fuck off.

Which inevitably told him he was well on his way to accomplish the exact opposite: He was getting close. She felt something quite positive towards him – even if it was disinclined – and although afraid, she wanted him near… Why else would she spent the night reading a book in his bed while he was fast asleep next to her?

Yes, somewhere deep down she had to know this wasn't all about sex anymore. She just didn't trust him enough to come out for it, like she didn't trust anybody.

It was still a mystery to Eric why she so strived for people to perceive her as shallow. Well, maybe Keena wouldn't exactly use the word 'shallow' to define her goal, but to Eric that was certainly what it looked like: _'Keena, the fun-loving girl, with her kind & trustworthy heart, on good days she might even fart glitter'_. Bleh.

She probably didn't realize it, but she was still trying to come across like the perfect Amity: well liked, mystique & charming. Although, granted, an Amity with the ability to fight (thank goodness, for that was the only aspect she did show of being a Dauntless), because despite all her Amity flaws, she left no room for mistaking her kindness as a weakness. In moments where one treated her or one of her friends unjust, she would be sure to make said person regret it… Something truly Dauntless at last, if not a bit Abnegation. _No, Eric. Not those dangerous thoughts again._

But what made matters even worse, was the fact that everyone seemed to fall for her little act blindly. She showed them exactly what she wanted them to see. Nothing more, nothing less. And so far everyone seemed to 'just' accept that and give her their full trust in return, totally disregarding the weird mysteries surrounding her, even the obvious ones like the fact that she daily disappeared after training (when she went to the chasm) or at nighttime (when she visited him).

Apart from himself (and perhaps Jasper) nobody seemed to either notice or care enough to question her on anything. After spending months of training the initiates, he quite understood the group dynamics and Keena was in general an accepted leader both socially and physically, her only true rival being Jasper. Well, for all Jasper's faults, he at least had the common sense never to trust a stranger fully. Like Eric himself, the guy was one to always dig deeper than what was given to him and although Eric had a hard time understanding Jasper's motive, he did respect the guy for it.

Still, fact remained that by Keena's loyal sheep questions remained unasked and if it were up to Keena, it would remain that way until eternity. Nobody ever being the wiser.

Yes, it was quite obvious that if Eric wanted to get anywhere with this girl, he needed to keep pushing her… But was a stupid staring contest really the best way to accomplish that?

Probably not.

 **KPOV**

After what seemed like eternity, Eric broke the intense silence, but (to her great dismay) he never broke the eye contact.

"Keena, what are we doing?"

Good question. A staring contest, obviously, and one he was supposed to give up on ages ago. But why again did it matter?

Right, it didn't.

"This is ridiculous." Eric continued, his eyes still boring into her own, trying to decipher whatever it was he deemed worthy of deciphering.

If Keena was completely honest with herself, she would admit that she should've left his apartment the minute he started asking questions about her thoughts. It was quite simple: She was there for sex, he wanted to talk, those two didn't match and so she should've walked away. But instead she (or he, who knew really?) had started this stupid staring contest and regardless of who had started it, she had been an eager participant, desperate to be in his presence just that little bit longer. Because even though he had tried to get into her mind – her only true safe haven – she still felt more at ease when she was in his presence than when she was not. There was something calming about his scent and his lazy sleepy smile. Something exciting about the way her name rolled of his tongue and how he looked at her, as if he really truly sawher.

Yes, if she were completely honest with herself, she would admit to all of the above, but truth had always been a bendable concept to her.

"I agree." Keena consented. "I should go." And just like that, she broke the eye contact, not even caring that she had been the one giving up… After all, _everybody_ always gave up on everything and Keena was not arrogant enough (that was already Eric's job after all) to think she was the exception.

"Or…" Eric started, his fingers taking a hold off her chin and guided her to look at him once again. In moments like this it was hard to picture him as the ruthless leader. "You could stay."

It was obvious Eric didn't mean it to just have another round of sex, hell he rejected her last offer on it. So staying now suddenly implied so much more than 'just staying' and that truly scared her.

And thus she lashed out.

"What is with you tonight?" Keena snapped, narrowing her eyes at him. "I can _tell_ you're not even in the mood for sex right now."

"Not necessarily, no."

"Then why would you even want me here?" Her voice was almost an accusation, which was probably the most ridiculous thing in the world, since most girls wanted what she was so eminently trying to avoid: meaning to sex. "I'm not a puppet Eric. If you want to warm your cold and lonely heart during Christmas season you will need to find someone else for the job. I'm sure there are loads of girls willing enough, but I'm not one of them."

Eric barked out a bitter laugh. "And don't I know it."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" She yelled, totally offended now as she shot up.

"It means that you're about as elusive as an oncilla, Keena! You hide yourself from everybody, including yourself!"

The words were like a slap in the face, which was odd because she didn't even know what he meant with those words, but somehow it still stung. _Hard_. It was like she was choking on air and about to throw up all at the same time. Her stomach was turning, her vision blurring and her head was throbbing. Vague images of blood, a knife and a gun danced in front of her eyelids but every time she was ready to identify something it disappeared to the back of her mind. Forever undefinable.

She was panicking, suffocating. Somewhere in the far distance she heard Eric's voice but she couldn't make out the words anymore. It sounded all too hollow. She did, however, feel him reach out for her and just like that she was back in the present, jumping out of bed.

 **EPOV**

Keena snapped out of her haze and immediately shot up, practically sprinting towards the dress that was still pooling on the floor since the night before.

Watching her from his position in bed, Eric debated with himself how to handle this best. Hell, how would he know? He had never wanted to stop other girls from leaving his apartment _after_ a good shag before – on the contrary, he would practically order them out – and all his previous attempts to keep Keena in his room had always proven futile.

Not to mention that his words had literally just rendered her shocked. He had seen the eerie look on her face and it was not a picture he was soon to forget. All he had wanted to do was to comfort her, hold her and tell her all would be alright. He had wanted to be there for her (still did) but she did not want him to. She didn't want anybody to be there for her. Ever.

But _why_ was that.  
It didn't make any sense.

Why was someone who gave away her kindness so freely, _so_ afraid of receiving any of it back? Generally people were selfish creatures, caring only about what they could get from others and forgetting to give in the process. They would take, demand and expect with a greed that would never be fulfilled. Like Eric's parent's impossibly high expectations of him.

It was because of that lesson Eric had never truly trusted anybody enough to get involved either. He hadn't had any desire to give others pieces of himself like that ever again. But, unlike many others, he had also never wanted to rob another person like his parents had him. He had lived his life resolutely by that rule: As long as he couldn't give, he wouldn't take. And so, he had become a man known for his ruthlessness and uncaring nature.

He had been more than just 'fine' with that as well. For years Eric had strongly believed he was living the best possible life there was. After all, he had gotten everything he'd ever wanted: Respect, power, authority, attention, strength, money, sex, superiority… you name it. Yes, he had firmly believed he had gotten it all. Until this girl in front of him had appeared in his life, that is.

Now, suddenly, his life didn't even feel adequate anymore. Eric felt like he'd been missing out on something big and although he couldn't quite put his finger on what exactly it was, he was sure it involved Keena…

Well, at least that made one thing was clear: Life really was full of karma. Not six months ago, one of his meaningless hookups had tried to break through his 'walls of indifference and hostility' as she liked to call it, proclaiming that somewhere behind them there must be a good man craving to be loved. He had laughed cruelly at that and made it very, _very_ clear that he was not a man capable of love. The twit hadn't dared to breach the topic a second time, nor had she dared to look him in the eye ever again, but as it turned out, she might have come closer to the truth than Eric liked to admit.

That was not to say that he _loved_ Keena, because he didn't. But he was ready to admit that he was at the very least _in love_ with the girl. The way his mind was always protesting whenever she left him in the middle of the night to sneak back to the dorms… There was no way this was just a casual hookup anymore. He just wanted her there, in his bed every night, regardless of having sex or not. He slept better with her there and woke up with a good warm kind of feeling, ready to take on whatever life would throw at him that day… And damn it if he didn't know that made him sound like a pathetic wanker.

Yes, life really had a way of screwing him over.

Out of all the Dauntless' girls he could've picked, he just _had_ to fall for the only one who didn't want to be loved by him or anyone else. Of all the girls he just _had_ to want the only one that craved to be alone.

Still uncertain what to do about her current attempt to escape, Eric just kept on watching her from his position on the bed: The speed in which Keena put on her dress was remarkable, as well was her ability to avoid Eric's penetrating gaze. Eric's mind was still at a loss how to handle her, but just before she could run out the room, his body seemed to respond quite naturally on its own, his incapable and unexperienced mind infinitely glad for it.

His hand snatched hers as she rushed by him towards the door and her own speed caused the yank that followed. She stumbled back towards the bed and Eric's arms were quick to profit from this – for her unfortunate - situation and circled around her waist, pulling her in his tight embrace. Within seconds she was on laying on top of him (and the duvet), struggling against him to escape his hold, but both of them knew her advances to be fruitless.

"What are you doing?" Eric asked tiredly. "We've been over this a million times." _Stop running,_ he thought, but he knew she would take it as an insult so he swallowed the words.

She seemed to stiffen for a second before her struggles continued, more violent this time. She screamed and cursed in protest and he let her enrage for some moments, feeling that she needed it. Eventually she would quit on her own, she was smart enough to know she had zero chance on winning.

And indeed after a while her struggles lessened, up until a point she was laying completely still on top of him, her head angled in such a way that Eric was unable to see her face, but he was somehow sure she was silently crying.

"Eric let go of me." Her voice was ice cold and Eric had to refrain himself from rolling his eyes. No surprise there.

"No." He stated simply, but kindly. Apparently having little fight left in her body, she just sighed annoyed and Eric kissed the top of her head in response. "Stay. Don't question it. Just stay."

"Oh." Came her confused reply, only somewhat annoyed now, as he kissed her head again. "Why?"

Because he wanted her to stay, obviously. Because he so happened to enjoy every second he spend with her. Because when he was with her he felt something strange but wonderful. Something that made all these soft pussy-ass feelings worth having.

But could he be honest with her? On the one hand it scared the shit out of him to put himself out there like that. Was he even ready to truly 'give'? And that to a girl who was not exactly thrilled to receive (not to mention give) anything either?

On other hand, how could he demand honesty and courage from her when he didn't show any himself? He was Dauntless, for fuck's sake. Besides, she wouldn't tell a soul, she was way too private for that, so basically there was little too lose and so, _so_ much to win. Unless he would scare her away… Fuck.

He was overthinking this big time…  
He wasn't a fucking Erudite anymore.

"Because I want you to stay."

"Boy. Did I read that wrong." Keena deadpanned, utterly unimpressed with his admission. "But I'm not in the mood for sex anymore, Eric. So, let go of me."

Eric grinned, his lips still brushing her hair. "We don't have to have sex, Keena." He whispered as if telling her a secret. "We could just… _hang out._ "

"We could do what?" Keena choked, her voice ridiculously high and Eric couldn't stop himself from chuckling.

"Hang out. You know, relax, watch a movie… Or you could continue reading that book while I–"

"We don't do 'hanging out', Eric." Keena cut off, turning around to look at him bewildered.

"We could." Eric offered casually, thankful for the way Keena's eyes seemed to regain their signature fire again.

"No." She told him pointedly, before turning around in his arms again in preference of watching the ceiling.

"Give me one good reason why not." Eric grinned, propping himself up to watch her face as she laid next to him, his one arm still slung around her waist.

"We just do sex."

Eric grimaced. "Sex isn't the only reason you're here, Keena."

"Of course it is."

"No it isn't." Pause. "Not for me anyway."

Keena snorted, turning around again, watching the door now. "Right."

Eric sighed deeply and released his hold on her, so he could pinch his nose in contemplation. The only thing that made this 'conversation' not a total disaster, was the fact that she hadn't told him sex was _her_ only reason to be here (yet, anyway). Luckily she hadn't made a move to leave again either, so at least there was some sort of improvement.

They laid there in silence for a while, neither making a sound but inside Eric's head, the wheels were turning full-speed.

"It really isn't." Eric eventually broke the silence, repeating his earlier words. "Sex isn't the only reason you're here, Keena." He repeated, more slowly this time as if reassuring himself. "And you know that too."

"Presumptuous much?" She muttered and Eric could just feel her rolling her eyes.

"Yes! I am." Eric agreed forcefully, rolling her over so he could look at her face again. "I'm a presumptuous asshole and you're a stubborn twit. That's why we work! We keep each other balanced."

"Balanced?" She laughed, raising her eyebrows in mock, yet there was no humor in her eyes. "We fight, Eric. That's all we do." Keena told him unimpressed. "Animosity is hardly an effective vibe between people. Unless it's between the sheets." Her hands motioned back and forth between them. "Hence… _this_ arrangement"

" _This_ _arrangement_?" Eric barked. "There is no fucking _arrangement_ , Keena! There is no deal or agreement, no price to be paid or concession to be made. There is just _this_. _Us_. Somehow enjoying each other's company!"

"Because it's sex!"

"It's _not_ about the sex! Not anymore!" Eric all but bellowed, the despair clear in his voice.

He sounded affected, even to his own ears. It was awful, giving her such power over him, but he had no time to think about how she was able to wound him emotionally. All he cared about was getting through to her ridiculously thick scull. But how? How could anybody get through to someone who closed herself off so tremendously?

She was silent, her eyes once again on the door, but she made no move to leave. Just in case, he wrapped his arms around her even stronger and pulled her possessively against him, the sheets and her dress the only things separating them.

"Call it fighting if you want, but even _you_ have to admit there is no animosity between us." Eric told her, his voice more gentle now as his fingers stroked her hair. "Maybe there was at the beginning, but the hostility has long since left our words. The cruel sneers are empty threats now. Plain banter. We enjoy each other's company and you _know_ that, whether you decide to acknowledge it or not."

His speech was without a doubt the most vulnerable thing he had ever said in his entire life and it scared the shit out of him. Every cell in his body was desperate to fight it… to bark out something nasty and hurt her before she beat him to it.

But doing that would not get them anywhere.

Not trusting himself not to say something awful when he next opened his mouth, he closed it shut, determined not to say a word until she had.

And so it remained silent for a very long time.  
Thirty-nine fucking minutes to be exact.

And in all that time she didn't make a sound. He couldn't even hear her breathing as she laid there, motionless on top of the bed, the only evidence of her still being in the same room as him, were the warmth and pressure of her body next to his. His arms were safely wrapped around her tiny waist and he felt her chest slightly heaving up and down with each breath she took. It was comfortable and relaxing, but not enough to fall asleep because he was too eager for her answer.

Well, eager _and_ _patient_.  
Very, _very_ patient.

Which was an accomplishment on its own, because normally Eric was _not_ a patient man.

"I'm cold." She told him eventually, her voice small and cracked.

It was only then that he noticed her slight shivers and the goosebumps on her arms. Great… How had he missed that? It was winter for fuck's sake, not to mention night time and all she was wearing was some see-through dress.

He made her shift a bit until she too was laying underneath the duvet and Eric had to smile at the way her cold arms wrapped around his warm body keenly. The metallic embroideries of her dress pressed somewhat painfully into his skin but he couldn't find it in him to mind, loving the way of her shaky hands clutching his skin.

His own arms enveloped her protectively and one of his hands stroked her hair softly as he felt her cold breaths against his chest. After a few moments laying there in silence, Keena sighed deeply, no longer shivering now she shared his warmth.

"Okay, I stay." She told him breathlessly and Eric kissed the top of her head again in response.

"Does that mean you actually like spending time with me." Eric prodded. "Regardless of sex?"

"Fishing for compliments much?" Keena scoffed, nuzzling her face in his neck.

"What can I say, I'm an insecure guy." Eric joked sarcastically and the remark earned him full on laughter from Keena.

"Please, you take every time someone shits their pants because of you as the highest compliment. I really shouldn't add to your already outstanding ego."

"Shouldn't perhaps. But will you?"

"Would it make you shut up if I did?"

"No promises." He grinned.

"Whatever, Eric. I'm not opposed to spending time with you."

"Now that's hardly the same thing as admitting that you _like_ to spend time with me." Eric chuckled.

"Fine! There might be a slight chance I actually enjoy spending time with you."

Eric laughed out loud. "You suck at giving compliments as much as you suck at receiving them."

Unamused by his laugher she punched him in the side. "I don't hear you doing a better job at it." She huffed annoyed. "So shove it, Coulter."

"Look who's fishing for compliments now."

"I'm not! I wasn't! I was just saying…" Catching his grin she punched him a second time. "You're an ass."

A silence followed… Or well, 'silence'. One where Keena was doing her best to hold back her reluctant smiles while Eric gave no fucks and happily chuckled out loud. When he was done he rolled over to his side, propping his head up on his elbow to look at her.

She blushed prettily under his serious gaze.

"I don't know why but I too like spending time with you. That is to say–" Keena cut him off by means of throwing her hands on his mouth.

"Don't say it." She pleaded, leaving Eric confused at her sudden fearful eyes.

Unfolding her hands from his mouth he threw her an unimpressed look. "Relax, Keena. I'm not asking you to marry me on the morrow and be the carrier of my babies." Eric drawled sarcastically, finding her anxiety both ridiculous and adorable. "I'm just returning the favor, which also happens to be the obvious truth."

"No-no-no-no-no." Keena rushed, on the brink of yet another panic attack. "Don't you get it? It will come now." By the way her body tensed right after, Eric was sure she hadn't meant to say the words out loud. Which, to him, only testified on the behalf of their importance.

Keena briefly closed her eyes to regain her wits and by the time she opened them she was once again the perfect picture of decorum: calm and collected, but also distant and closed off.

Her panic attacks certainly weren't the most fun aspect of her personality, but somehow Eric was immensely glad she had them in his presence. To him they represented a token of trust: She trusted him enough to let that real part of her shine through. She didn't try to hide that 'ugly' side of her behind a smokescreen of fake laughs anymore, so he supposed that was progress right?

Still, Eric was torn what to do with them. He didn't want a second attempt of her running out the room because he was digging for more information, but at the same time he also wanted to keep digging deeper as it was obvious she wouldn't give it away freely.

"What's coming?" He asked her eventually, pushing his doubts aside by voicing the unspoken question. Talking was new territory for both of them, but if he wanted to accomplish anything at all he had to be the strong one and make the first step because Keena sure as hell wasn't going to do it. Seriously… She had to be _the only girl in the world_ that resented to talk about her own feelings, making it ridiculously hard for him to understand her. But luckily for him, he hated easy anyway.

"What will be coming?" He repeated his question when she didn't answer.

"Nothing."

"Didn't sound like nothing." She tried to turn away from his penetrating gaze but his arms were stronger than her body could ever be.

" _Keena_." He ushered.

" _Eric_." She mimicked, wrinkling her nose at him.

"Cute." He deadpanned.

"I aim to please." Came her cheeky response.

"It would please me if you would just answer my damn question."

Grunting in annoyance she practically whined her next words. "Jesus Eric! Just move on already. It was something unimportant that just slipped out."

"All the less reason for you to be so secretive about it."

"Fine. _Whatever_. It's not like it was a big deal anyway. It's just…" She hesitated. "Don't you ever get that feeling where you just _know_ something awful is about to happen because life is seemingly too peaceful, especially after you voice your luck?"

No. He did not.  
Not that he would tell her that.  
If he did she'd never elaborate.

Slowly, one of his hands came up to caress her jaw, his thumb making small circular movements over her cheek as his other digits gently guided her chin to look back at him. The only light was coming from the nightlamp behind him, casting a soft golden glow over her fair and lovely features.

"You got assaulted yesterday." He reminded her gently. "I hardly call that peaceful."

"That was _nothing_." She laughed it off and Eric swallowed his angry response.

 _Pick your battles, Eric. Pick your battles._

"So what kind of awful things _are_ we talking about?" His bitter and slightly sarcastic words came out as a scornful snort.

"Are you mocking me?" Her eyebrows shot up.

"I am not. I promise." At her disbelieving look, Eric sighed. "I didn't agree with you calling your assault nothing, but I truly meant my question. Please, continue."

"Did you just say _please_?" Keena grinned. "Would you look at that. Miracles do exist. But then again… It _is_ Christmas."

"No, it isn't. Not until tomorrow. And it isn't working, you know." Eric told her sternly. "So stop your attempts to change the subject."

"You're annoying." She bit, glowering at him, yet a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"And you're stalling."

"Right. Well. You know…" She tried to sound casual but the slight wavering in her voice told him just how insecure she was at that moment. "When you start to feel good about something, something bad is bound to follow." Her eyes flicked around the room nervously, trying to avoid his gaze.

It was a vague statement but for Eric a new puzzle piece clicked into place.

 _Of course.  
Self-preservation._

He didn't know her life well enough to say when and how, but knowing the bits he did, it wasn't strange to imagine that somehow in her early life she had learned that good things were never meant to stay.

Suddenly, a feeling of intense sorrow and pity washed over him (no, wait, that couldn't be right! Eric didn't _do_ 'pity'!). Keena might not remember her siblings had died, but deep down she knew. The feeling was there prominently in her every decision.

Eric had had his fair share of loses to be had, for sure. But they were nothing compared to hers.

When her father had abandoned her, it had robbed her of self-importance and chance on a normal family.  
When her grandfather had died, it had robbed her of care and protection.  
When her mother left, time and again, it had robbed her of her youth and self-worth.  
When her teacher raped her, it had robbed her of her innocence and trust.  
When her siblings had been murdered, it had robbed her of all she had left: Love.

Could he really blame her for running out his door? For being scared that he was trying to get close to her when all the people before him had left her without warning?

No. Because he understood now. He finally understood.

She was living her life constantly waiting for the bad things to happen. That's why her eyes were always sharp and focused, that's why she refused sleeping in his bed and never trusted anyone. She had no safe haven to go to and thus, she kept running.

"You rather don't have the good so you won't have to miss it when it's gone." It wasn't a question but the disbelieve was clear in every word spoken.

"You sound confused." Her mask was back on, her demeanor ice cold. "Missing something you've never known is sad, some might even call it heart-breaking. Missing something you once had is absolutely heart-shattering."

Were the words spoken by anyone else, Eric had deemed them attention-seeking, but looking into Keena's cold and distant eyes he knew she truly meant them.

Oh god.

She was so used to being left alone, she had settled on remaining that way in an attempt on self-preservation. But then the fucked up kind where she fought all positive things coming her way so that the bad couldn't leave her broken and alone when it stripped her of it, leaving her emptily robbed.

Eric snapped out of his thoughts when Keena bolted out of bed and towards the door but all the quickness in the world wouldn't have been able to outrun Eric's own determination to stop her. In the middle of the living room, he got a hold on her wrist and spun her around.

The look in her eyes made him step back a small tiny step, although his grip on her arm never loosened. For the first time he was actually intimidated by her - truly really intimidated - as if he needed to proceed carefully if he wanted to walk out of his apartment alive in a few hours time.

"What the _fuck_ do you want from me, Eric?!" She didn't yell, whispered even, but every fiber in him felt like she had. "Do you want me to tell you how scared I am?! Is that it? Do you want me to admit that I'm a fucking coward who doesn't belong in Dauntless?! Do you want me to tell you that you're right? That I like you and enjoy your fucking company for hell knows whatever sick reason? Would you feel better if I did?! Would it soothe your ego? So your arrogance can grow even more because the big mighty fearsome dauntless leader has yet another conquest? Well fuck you! Because it wouldn't change a thing!" All the while she had been hissing in a lethal sort of way, but with the last sentence her voice broke. In a chocked and smaller voice she repeated: "It wouldn't change a thing."

Her rant left Eric awestruck, lightheaded and a bit disoriented.  
He felt sick in a good way, his stomach warm and weird.

Releasing a breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding, he took a tentative step forward.

It was strange really. Not even three months ago, Eric would've grinned at such an admission. He would've taunted her for being a pathetic emotional coward and he would've said something that would've shattered her last bit of remaining pride.

Three months ago, Eric was a ruthless asshole.

Now, however, looking into her big bottle green eyes shimmering with unshed tears, vulnerability and insecurity, he wanted nothing more than to just comfort her. To tell her that she didn't need to be strong all the damn time. That he would be there to catch her if she fell.

But was it the truth?

Was it not only yesterday he had told himself he would get bored with her eventually? That – yes – he liked her now, but that he was sure those feelings would fade once he got what he wanted from her?

His own feelings were confusing enough as it was, taking hers in account made things practically impossible and yet, taking in the sight of the small and broken form in front of him, fidgeting nervously with her fingers and chewing her lip insecurely… Yes. His mind was as clear as it was ever going to be: He wanted to protect her, care for her… _love_ her even.

He would never grow tired of her.

"Keena…" His voice was low and husky from the formed lump in his throat and reluctantly her eyes moved upwards to meet his. "I won't leave you." The words were barely spoken above a whisper, but in the silence of the night both heard them perfectly.

Apparently he hit the nail on its head with them, as her pupils dilated in shock. She seemed torn about what to do: Her eyes flashed backwards towards the front door of his apartment, ready to run out, but her feet were frozen to the floor.

For a second he could see the blind panic raging in her eyes again, before she closed them and rained her anxiety in. But he knew her tough-girl act in that moment was just that… an act.

She was afraid.  
Unmistakably so.

Her eyes were still stealing glances at the door behind her when Eric took a step forward and wrapped his arms around her firmly and pulling her against his chest tightly and making the decision for her.

"Stay." He whispered, kissing the top of her head as his hug tightened. "Stay." He told her again, his lips now pressing a small kiss on her forehead. "Stay." He kissed her nose and moved one of his hands to cup her cheek in a sweet caress.

Keena's arms had thus far hung clumsily next to her body but started to move upwards now to return his hug tentatively. Moreover, her chest was heaving noticeably, although Eric couldn't tell whether it was because of her obvious fear or anticipation. Maybe a little bit of both.

She gave him the answer to his unspoken question though, by a way of fluttering her eyes shut and the small lift of her chin, both subtle ways of telling him to kiss her lips next.

And so he did.

Gently, he brought his shaky lips to her trembling ones, not yet quite touching.

Neither of them was fearless in that moment. Hell, they were both scared out of their minds, but they also both willed themselves to be brave. It was strange how he'd already guessed everything she had just told him on his own but hearing her say the words out loud made the meaning of them somehow so much more important. She had actually told him she enjoyed being with him! Liked him! was afraid to lose him… As if he were _dear_ to her. _Special_. _Important_ … Eric had never been that to anybody else before…

"Eric?" She inquired softly, her eyes still shut as she stood on her toes to get closer to his mouth, her dressed form falling against his naked body in support of her balance.

Trembling as if every bone in his body was on fire, as if his blood had turned into pure adrenaline and his skin had five times as much nerves, Eric finally pressed his lips to hers. Her lips tasted the same as always - sweet, juicy, soft and everything heavenly - as his rougher lips moved in sync with hers.

He didn't want to have sex. No. Rephrase that: He didn't want _to want_ to have sex. He still wanted to prove to her that it was more than just sex that had him interested. But hell, who knew intimacy could turn him on so bad? Every vain, every muscle and every fiber in his body craved a physical contact to match this newfound state of emotional closeness.

He wanted her like he had _never_ wanted her before… And that was saying _a lot_.

He did his best to ignore the basal craves that tightened his chest. He tried to hold back his quickly growing and pulsing member. He truly did. But after her soft form suddenly pressed against him in all the right places and she'd breathed out a soft moan that had his name rolling off her tongue oh-so-naturally… After all of that, he was quick to ignore his best pretty soon.

The one hand that had been cupping her cheek remained, while the other slid around her waist, pulling her tighter into him, not really noticing how the embroideries painfully pressed into his naked member. His lips released hers and moved over to kiss her cheek, jaw, ear and neck until they found that special spot of her soft and silky skin in the crook of her neck. Moaning, she gave him full excess to it, cocking her head just right while her hands drifted southwards, caressing his muscular chest before gently taking his impossibly erect cock in one hand, her thumb moving over the head.

"Keena." Eric groaned in warning, biting down the soft spot in her neck in response. His lips left her neck soon afterwards, kissing their way up to her face again. Her cheek, then her chin, her nose, the furrow in her brow and her forehead. Every spot on her face would be kissed and he took his sweet time accomplishing that, loving the way her body more and more eased into him, going from rigid to jelly.

At the end her mouth was craving to be touched, small protesting noises escaped her lips as his own lips ghosted over them but never fully touched them.

He unzipped her dress slowly, making sure his fingers caressed every millimeter of the newfound exposed skin he could reach. He could feel her shivering at his touch and she tried to impatiently mold her body into him before realizing the dress was still in her way. Grunting in annoyance she hurried to undo herself from her dress, stumbling clumsily in her urgency and making Eric chuckle slightly.

"Such a haste." Eric teased, but his fingers were already on their way to help her, as he too craved the close contact of skin-to-skin.

Together they succeeded to free her from the dress and she let the golden fabric fall onto the floor carelessly, quickly stepping out of the circle pooling at her feet and molding her newfound naked body against his.

"Keena this is not…" He felt the need to reassure her, but as soon as her cold little hands wrapped around his hot and eager member he could do nothing but hiss in an attempt not to slam into her right then and there. _God_. His entire body was craving her, but he still wanted to make it a point that their attraction was about more than 'just sex'.

"I know." She cut him off and his eyes snapped to her to see if she really did. "Eric, I know." She reassured him at his doubtful look, her free hand coming up to cup his cheek now and guiding him to lower his head so she could finally kiss him.

And just like that his tongue was inside her, neither of them seeking for dominance but rather an equal passion. They were both just as needy for closeness. Both just as desperate to have the other near as their entire bodies trembled with anticipation and rushed adrenaline.

Hands were everywhere, as if exploring each other for the first time. Just when he was about to pick her up and carry her back to bed, Keena put her hands on his chest and started walking, making him walk backwards a few steps until his calves collided with the couch and he fell backwards on top of it. Not wasting a second, she was quick to straddle him and to let her mouth connect with his once again. Their mouths clashing hungrily as she climbed on top of him and as she moved her hips over his fully erect cock, he could feel her warm wetness rubbing all over it. Eric bit on Keena's lip to stop himself from roaring out loud while his fingertips pressed into her soft and silky skin.

"Keena." He warned, his head lolling back involuntarily and because of it breaking the kiss.

Keena merely smiled a devilish smile at him, before moving her hips upwards, his cock springing up in the air without the pressure of her body holding it down. The air was cold, but he didn't mind, lost in the way Keena's eyes were glittering with mischief.

"Tell me what you want, Eric." Keena teased, using the same words he normally used when dominating her in the bedroom.

Eric could only grunt when she positioned her entrance just above his throbbing cock. He could feel the warmth and wetness of her heavenly depths softly rubbing over his head. If she wouldn't sunk down on him quickly he would come right then and there.

"Good boys use words, Eric."

Was she serious?

"To bad I'm not a good boy." Eric smirked, taking hold of her hips and slamming her down onto him.

She screamed in ecstasy.  
He hissed in relief.

Both of their bodies stayed still for a bit, adjusting to the amazing feeling. Eventually it was Keena who started moving first. Pushing herself upwards slowly, she made sure his head never left her silky hot core before she lowered herself down again. He couldn't help the grunt every time her wet and hot core reached all the way down to the base of his cock. Taking him fully.

The pace was agonizingly slow, but that was alright, amazing even. There was simply no need to rush it, the agonizing slowness of it all made it somehow even more intimate. Eric certainly was not in a hurry as he watched the expressions on Keena's face: Whimpering, awestruck and sighing his name every time she buried his huge cock deeply inside of her small wet core. Just were it belonged.

At one point, her head lolled back in pure ecstasy but he wouldn't let her. One of his hands came up to caress her cheek, guiding her back to him into a kiss as she repeatedly whimpered in his mouth. As she started to shudder and shake, her legs becoming jelly, Eric took over from her, setting the pace himself now. Their kiss became more and more sloppy as he started slamming into her harder and harder, both breathing out little throaty growls in each other's mouths. Eventually, their kiss had to break apart as the tension in their lower regions was too much to handle, both craving release as their foreheads met and they breathed in the same air.

Eyes were locked. Ice blue meeting bottle green as Keena rode him to their orgasm. When he could feel her walls on the verge of collapsing her eyes suddenly turned big and serious.

"Eric." She breathed as he slowed his trusts down a bit. "Eric, I'm scared."

He knew exactly what she was talking about. The honesty in her eyes, the full-on thrust had him shudder with anticipation. "I know." Eric somehow managed to choke out, as he felt himself ready to cum. "I am too."

Her eyes softened at his admission and with one powerful last trust, she moaned his name in frenzy, collapsing on top of him as her walls shuddered and shook around his cock, making him cum with her.

They both whispered and breathed each other's name as they let their orgasms wash over them. Eric kissed her nose softly, before readjusting her in his arms so her head rested on his chest. Her fingers started to paint little figures on his skin as she breathed contently, his softening member still inside of her.

"Eric…" She started insecurely after a while.

"Hmm?" He hummed, kissing the top of her head.

"What are you doing tonight… for Christmas Eve?"

Eric couldn't stop the grin on his face. "You tell me."


	30. Chapter 30: Alijah

**EPOV**

Eric was sitting at his desk, his head bend over paperwork as he recalled this last week. Ever since their little conversation the morning after the Christmas party one week ago things had calmed down a bit. He and Keena had established some sort of pattern in their daily routine, finding time for each other even during the day, even if it was just some stolen kisses in the hallways.

Yes, things had been going fine. Fine? _Better than fine_. Things were going _great_ between them and for the first time in years Eric was actually looking forward to 'tomorrows'. Of course, Keena still didn't actually _sleep_ in his bed, but she was there for the biggest part of the night, either coming to him right after dinner and staying with him until somewhere after he fell asleep or she came knocking on his door (well actually, he left the door unlocked) at an hour of two or three in the morning and she would stay and eat breakfast with him until they both had to leave for training or work.

It was now totally obvious that it wasn't just about sex either. Where it first had been more of a feeling, their actions now actually matched that believe: They talked a lot about small insignificant things like their preference for certain guns or fighting tactics and more than once she had challenged him on his opinions on books (what could he say, he was raised an Erudite after all). He could still remember the first time he'd showed her his spare room.

 _Flashback_

 _Where the hell was it?_

 _Lowering himself until he was practically laying on the floor he looked under the bed before jumping up irritably. Throwing the pillows of his bed he let out an annoyed sigh. Every freaking morning the same thing happened._

 _"Have you seen my watch?" Eric bellowed to Keena, who had disappeared out of the bedroom ages ago, probably to drink a coffee or take a shower. Her training wouldn't start for another 40 minutes, while Eric had a meeting to go before he had to fall in for a sick Lauren. Honestly, the girl had just a cough._

 _"Hmm." He heard Keena's absentminded response. Great._

 _Walking out of his bedroom he was met with the sight of Keena in one of his shirts, loosely held together at her front by two modest buttons only. Her hair cascaded down in her soft honey-blonde ringlets, a stark contrast to the dark blue shirt._

 _In her hands she held a cup of steaming black coffee, while one of her arms was prettily decorated with his – for her way to big – watch. Eric walked up to her and followed her line of view. She was looking at the door of the second bedroom of his apartment._

 _Unclasping his watch from her arm she snapped out of her daze. "Oh, sorry. You were asking for it, weren't you?" She grinned sheepishly at her own stupidity. "I figured, you're looking for it every single morning so when I found it in the kitchen I figured I would hold on to it for you."_

 _"Immense help." Eric glared in jest, on which Keena responded with a roll of her eyes._

 _"I got d–"_

 _"Distracted. Yeah, yeah, don't I know it." He finished for her, grinning. For all her sharp wit during the day, before she had her coffee in the morning, she was either grumpy as fuck or a total mess._

 _"What's there." Keena asked, indicating her head to the door. "I've seen the door before obviously, but it got me curious." Honestly, Eric was surprised that after 3,5 weeks of sleeping together she hadn't asked him about it before._

 _"I'm not sure if you're ready to see such a thing."_

 _She looked at him unimpressed._

 _"I'm serious. It could change your whole view on me as a person." It wasn't quite a lie._

 _"Eric, just open the damn door." At this he raised an eyebrow. How did she know only he could open it? She blushed at the curious look he was giving her and stumbled to explain. "I tried opening it myself already… About fifteen times in the past few weeks. But it's locked. It's always goddamn locked."_

 _"And it took you this long to find the courage to ask me about it, hm?" Eric grinned maliciously._

 _She glared at him. "Whatever. Then I just continue to think of it as your secret lair full of glitter and diaries about how much you love initiates."_

 _It was his turn to glare as he fumbled with his keychain for the right key before opening the door. The moment she peered inside however, he was glad he had locked it, not wanting to miss that expression of pure wonder and bliss on her face._

 _"Books?" She breathed in awe before looking up at him. "I mean, wow Eric. You didn't lie, my view of you has totally changed." She was joking, he could tell, but somehow he felt there was a truth to her joke as well. _

_"Well, I would appreciate it if you kept this information to yourself. It's not exactly a Dauntless hobby to have… Let's just say the room is locked for a reason." With a meaningful glance at her direction he added: "You're the only person I've told."_

 _Her Keena actually chocked on her sip of coffee. "I what?" She coughed. "Not even Alijah?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Oh." She simply stated, at a lack of knowing how to respond to that, before grinning at him. "Well, Eric, I will keep your dirty little secret on one condition."_

 _Eric rolled his eyes. This was too predictable. "Yes, you can read them whenever you like."_

 _Keena flashed him a big gigantic smile before pushing him the other way, towards his front door. "Didn't you have a meeting to go to? Hurry up, you'll be late." And with those words she turned her back to him and walked into his small private library._

 _Two seconds later he heard her squeal in glee._

 _End of flashback_

They also teased each other more and because their little private jokes they had more than once almost gotten into trouble during training hours, when one of them – _always Keena_ to be precise – couldn't hold back her laughter. Of course, he then had no other choice than to act like was expected from him during training and punished her harshly for it… which only made her laugh louder.

That girl was ridiculous and after the third time it had happened that week Eric had settled on ignoring her all together during training. Which was harder to accomplish than he initially anticipated.

But yes, other than that, things were going great. He also started to notice the tiny details now and although it didn't make him sound anything like the ruthless leader he was used on being, he actually enjoyed every single one of them.

For example, he liked the way she would sassily tease him about the amount of sugar he put into his coffee, or the way she adorably blew her own coffee before drinking it.

 _Flashback_

 _"You've seen it before, puke-face." He told her bored, not looking up at the incredulous and disgusted look she was giving him as he added even more sugar to his coffee._

 _"I know, I just don't understand… No… No STOP!" She tried swatting his hand away but after two failed attempts she closed her eyes in anguish, rubbing her temples. "That's ridiculous! Why would you do that?! How can you like that?" Her cute little nose was wrinkled in repulsion._

 _"Coffee tastes better with sugar." He told her simply, grinning widely at his victory of ruining her morning with his coffee habits once again._

 _"That's no coffee with sugar, Eric." She laughed in horror. "That's sugar with coffee."_

 _He shrugged. "I'm not the one eating ketchup with my pasta as a midnight snack."_

 _"That was one time and only because you burned the pasta sauce while heating it."_

 _Shrugging again. "I liked it. It was crunchy." He took a sip of his perfectly sugared coffee, relishing in her obvious abhorrence at his sweet-tooth habit._

 _"You're so lucky coffee can't press charges." She yawned into her tiny fist, blinking a few times. Something he found absolutely adorable. "You literally ruined, raped and killed the poor drink."_

 _As a way of response, Eric simply cocked an eyebrow, telling her to drop the subject. But of course, Keena wouldn't be Keena if she didn't continue anyway._

 _She shook her head. "Seriously, if you don't like the taste of coffee, why don't you just drink something else?"_

 _His eyes shot to hers incredulously and Eric relished in the way she bit her lower lip to keep herself from laughing at the murderous look he gave her. He loved how she wasn't afraid to get him angry. He hated it, it was annoying, but he loved it too._

 _"Because without coffee I wouldn't be able to get through this pointless and annoying conversation without resulting to violence."_

 _She opened her mouth to laugh at him but in the blink of an eye he had stuffed her mouth with one of the croissants._

 _"Hoeaiaeaoeiho!" She protested, still laughing._

 _Eric threw her an irritated eyeroll before turning away. The moment his face was out of her sight, a big grin spread on his own face as well._

 _End of flashback_

And he loved the way she would always first tense when he hugged her from behind before letting out a consent little sigh, relaxing into his embrace fully. It always worked as a good reminder of how lucky he was to have miraculously gained her trust: The trust of a girl who didn't trust anyone.

 _Flashback_

 _Eric woke up to the smell of freshly baked pancakes and scrambled eggs. Walking out of his bedroom he paused in the door opening for a moment, loving the sight of Keena in his kitchen, humming softly to herself._

 _She was wearing one of his sweaters… and only one of his sweaters: Her creamy legs deliciously calling out to him._

 _He walked up to her soundlessly and hugged her from behind. For a brief moment, her body went rigid before sighing contently._

 _"Merry Christmas." He told her huskily as she let herself fully relax into his embrace._

 _"Merry Christmas." She whispered back, almost soundlessly._

 _It was silent for a bit and Eric rested his chin on the top of her head as he watched her flip around another pancake before putting it on the plate._

 _"I still haven't thanked you for the rescue on the Christmas party." Keena started out of nowhere, putting another portion of batter into the pan. "I would've been fine on my own eventually, I'm sure. But it was quicker this way. So… thanks."_

 _Eric snorted. Of course Keena's pride wouldn't allow it to actually need help for a change._

 _"There's nothing wrong with accepting and admitting you need help from time to time." He told her honestly, moving away from her to make them some coffee._

 _"Do you ever?" She shot back… Well fuck, now his advice would surely go out the window._

 _"No."_

 _"Then shove your wisdom back up your arse."_

 _Eric barked out a laugh, coffee forgotten as his hands instantly moved back to her, preferring to hold her hips instead. "Now, those aren't Christmas-spirited words." He grinned. "Also, we're not the same. I, for one, have never been assaulted."_

 _She huffed and rolled her eyes. "Can't imagine. You're such a catch."_

 _"Maybe I'm just not dashing enough." He smirked, biting her neck._

 _"Was that a joke, Eric? Coming from you?" She turned around and held her hand to his forehead. "Are you feeling alright? I'm sure Hayley wouldn't mind taking a look at you, I'm sure it's her Christmas wish." Spotting his narrowed down eyes, she laughed even harder._

 _"I'm sure she wish involves a whole lot more than just me coming into the infirmary."_

 _"Mr. Coulter! I'm afraid you will have to take off your pants, so I can examine the bulge. Oh my, it's so big." The tone of her voice was light and teasing as she pretended to faint, falling into his arms fully… Exactly where he wanted her and he eagerly let his head fall into the crook of her neck, kissing her there and electing some moans… burned pancakes be damned._

 _End of flashback_

He also found himself amused by the way she stubbornly refused to brush her hair but somehow still expected him not to hurt her when he combed his finger through her tangled mess at night time, when she was safely wrapped in his arms.

 _Flashback_

 _"I have a comb you know, if you need to brush your hair or something."_

 _"Eric, don't take this the wrong way but… shut your face if you don't know what you're talking about."_

 _"What?! I was literally just trying to help! I saw my sister use it all the time growing up."_

 _"Well, if that picture is anything to go by, she had as silky smooth hair as you have. I, on the other hand, have curly hair."_

 _"Your hair is flat when it's wet."_

 _"It doesn't work that way."_

 _"It doesn't work that way." He repeated in a high-pitched voice, absolutely not understanding her point._

 _"Mature."_

 _End of flashback_

Which ultimately reminded him of that time when he'd bought her a toothbrush.

 _Flashback_

 _"What's that?" Keena stopped in the middle of the doorway, looking at his bathroom sink. Or more precisely: the cup above it containing toothbrushes. Toothbrush es, as in multiple. _

_Two to be exact._

 _Taking his own, Eric ran some water over it before reaching for the toothpaste._

 _"A toothbrush" He answered simply. Stating the obvious and succeeding to sound casual. His eyes however were resolute to follow Keena's every move._

 _"Yes, thank you, Eric." She deadpanned annoyed. "I – too – have eyes."_

 _Two can play that game. "Then don't ask." Just as unimpressed._

 _"What's it doing there?"_

 _"I dunno Keena. What do toothbrushes do in their spare time? Waiting to be used I guess."_

 _"Eric." She warned pointedly._

 _Sighing, he turned around but as soon as he saw her face his mild annoyance was quick to turn into something akin to amused. Keena was looking at the toothbrush as if it was an Atomic bomb._

 _Wary and disbelieving it was actually right there in front of her._

 _"I just figured you might need one from time to time. It's convenient to have one here so you don't have to rush to the dorms every time right after breakfast."_

 _"Maybe I like going to the dorms, Eric! I do live there!"_

 _"So?" Eric started, unable to keep the smile from his face. "I'm not telling you to stop going there. You can keep going there every day if you want to."_

 _"Then why would you have a toothbrush here?" Her eyes were still intensely focused on the toothbrush. If witchcraft were real, it would've either vanished, exploded or set on fire._

 _"It still can't hurt to have a spare one here." At her scoff he added: "Jesus Keena, what's the big deal?"_

 _"The big deal is that I didn't ask for one!"_

 _"It's just a bloody toothbrush Keena." He rolled his eyes, turning around again._

 _From the corner of his eyes he watched how she tentatively reached for the toothbrush. Her eyes were guarded, if not a bit insecure even, but the small smile on her lips and the way she nibbled her lip to hide said smile told him of her secret gratefulness._

 _"Thanks." She muttered, elbowing him in the side as he grinned at her._

 _End of flashback_

Of course, being the two stubborn and hard-headed people they were, they still fought too. But it somehow never ended in actual fighting or her slapping him in the face anymore. Unless she was joking, that is.

 _Flashback_

 _"Keena, quit it." He barked, trying to stare her off._

 _"What?!" Her eyes were looking at him venomously. He was seconds away from killing her, but so was she visa versa._

 _"That look. It's disturbing."_

 _"Well, good!" Pause. She frowned and added in a smaller voice: "Why?"_

 _"You look a second away from chopping my dick off with an axe." She really did. The blank stare she gave him was nothing short of a coldblooded sociopath, it didn't sit well with him._

 _At this she chuckled some evil laugh before correcting herself, returning to her icy glare. "I might. Shot it once already, so why not get creative now?"_

 _Her serious look did nothing to ease his worries, nor did it calm his burning anger. Narrowing his eyes at her, not amused in the slightest, they continued to stare each other down for a little while longer before Keena broke the silence again._

 _"Do you even know why we're fighting?!" She accused, her eyes never blinking away from his._

 _Something had happened during training that morning, that much he did know, but Eric couldn't exactly recall what it was that had them both so pissed off for the entire day. Still, he had wanted to see her, and apparently – and luckily – Keena had been of the same mind. She had stormed into his apartment at 11pm that night and they had yelled all sorts of insults at each other to get their anger out of their system, none of the tirades particularly substantiated._

 _Eric grinned smugly. "Not. A. Clue." He told her, fully expecting Keena to become outraged again._

 _Instead she sighed and laughed some hollow laugh._

 _"Thank god." She breathed, breaking the eye contact. "Neither do I."_

 _Both grinning, their mouths connected._

 _End of flashback_

A knock on the door brought Eric out of his memories.

"Sir, I'm off to lunch, can I get you anything?" His secretary Maddy told him, opening the door.

Eric shook his head curtly as a way of giving consent. "No, I'll be off myself in a minute."

The door closed and it took about two seconds before it opened again. Not looking up from his paperwork he patiently waited for whatever it was Maddy had forgotten to tell him, but when the footsteps carried on towards his desk, Eric's eyes snapped up only to find a fuming Keena slamming her hand hard on his desk.

"You did this!" She yelled, her words spoken in such a way it was something between an accusation and confession of gratitude.

"I did what?" Eric grinned, fully knowing what she was talking about. The last fights were today and he had put her and Jasper together again. It was for professional reasons only, of course, since they had never finished their fight the last time.

Okay, and maybe he enjoyed her riled up, but that was merely a side effect.

Keena seemed torn between grunting and laughing and before either of them knew what was happening, she was pressed between him and his desk, hips grinding together as their mouths kissed with a passionate need before she broke the kiss.

"I hate you." She whispered against his lips.

"I know." He grinned back, before biting and pulling her juicy bottom lip.

"I don't have time for sex." She breathed reluctantly. "I need my energy for the fight later tonight."

"Oh." Eric smirked, looking down on where her fingers daftly unbuckling his belt. "Than what is that?"

"Oh, I _do_ have time to bribe the judge." Keena grinned against his lips before dropping down on her knees.

His pants came down and so did his underwear, but just as she put her lips against him, licking once over his head, a knock was heard at the door.

Shit.

Quickly, Keena hid under the bureau and Eric – who didn't have time to put on his pants – opted on sitting at his desk, hoping that whomever had the foul luck of interrupting wouldn't notice his less than dressed state.

"I'm busy!" His snarling voice a perfect representation of how pissed off he felt. That is, until he felt Keena's hands grab his penis and started toying with it, causing it to erect to full stance once again… _Minx_.

The door opened anyway.

"Alijah." Eric bit out annoyed and hearing Keena's soft chuckle coming from under his desk, he kicked her once, making her shut up. This was so not good.

Eric hadn't spoken to Alijah ever since their fight at the Christmas Party one week ago. "Of what do I owe the pleasure." Eric stated, trying to keep his voice as even as possible while Keena's ministrations continued. Closing his legs, he tried to block her from reaching it but no such luck.

He could exactly picture the way she was grinning underneath his desk right now, playing casually with his dick, knowing that the worst thing that could happen was Alijah finding out, a friend of them both and thus someone who wouldn't spread the news in the hallways with a megaphone. It was obvious Keena felt bold, and after his stunt of putting Keena and Jasper up against each other again, Eric was sure she would take this opportunity for revenge with both hands… quite literally too.

She teased him just enough to keep him hard, but little enough to give him the chance to manage the conversation properly.

"Are we cool?" Alijah asked. "Since, you know…"

"Why are you here Alijah?" Eric asked bored, knowing perfectly fine that Alijah wasn't here to play make up. They were never the ones to apologize after a fight. It just happened and then they moved on. No more looking back.

"It's about Keena, actually." Alijah relented _. Shit, talking about luck…_ of all times Alijah wanted to talk about Keena, it just had to be at the time she was very much present… hidden under his desk and very much playing with his cock.

"I don't have time for this, Alijah. Another time." Eric hissed as he felt Keena's lips surround him. _For fuck's sake_. He tried to kick and push her off of him unnoticeably, but his attempts were pointless at best.

"Eric I'm not an idiot. You're my best mate since kindergarten… I know you. I saw that look on your face the other day… The way you beat up Marc. You're already fucking her." Keena's mouth released his cock (probably in shock) and thank god for that, because now he could properly respond. "But I want you to leave her alone before you start lo–"

"I said not now!" Eric interrupted in his leader voice. Alijah could be very well on his way to ruin everything for him! One step too far, too early with Keena was practically starting all over again and the 'L' word was definitely both.

"I want you to stay away from her!" Alijah continued, his jaw firmly set and his eyes trying to penetrate his friend's. It wasn't working. Eric had always been better at stale gazes.

"Out!" Eric bellowed. "Out, _now_!"

"Fine." Alijah walked back towards the door. Thank goodness for that. "Tonight, Eric." He told him pointedly, slamming the door behind him.

It took two seconds before Keena appeared from under his desk.

"You're still fighting over what happened?" She asked in disbelieve, he could literally see the forming guilt in her eyes. "I mean I'm still slightly mad at him, but only because he never apologized for outing me like that."

"No. It's not about what happened that evening, I promise you that." Eric told her truthfully, pulling on his pants.

"Then why _are_ you fighting?" She asked, obviously not believing him as she watched him tighten his belt. When he looked up at her, her eyes were full of determination, which in this case couldn't be a good thing.

"Keena." Eric warned. "I'm telling you now. Stay out of this."

 **KPOV**

To say the lunchtime's revelations distracted her, was an understatement. Five minutes into the fight with Jasper and she had already been hit more times than she could count.

She had no time to look at the dissatisfied faces of Four and Eric, Jasper advanced at her in a ruthless succession. Well, it was for the better. She didn't want to see Eric's disappointment anyway.

Who the fuck did Alijah think he was, telling Eric off?  
Did he know something she didn't?

Keena was finally at a point in her life where she felt at ease with how things were. She was still afraid that something would rip it all away from her, but she didn't run from it herself. Eric had made her see that self-destruction was never better than being destroyed. "It's like destroying the city from the inside out of fear the outside world might attack. We're Dauntless, we fight for what we have and we fight for what we can have." He'd told her in his slumber after their confessions that night of the Christmas Party. She doubted he remembered the conversation, but _she_ did and that was enough. Eric had helped her coming this far, she hated doubting him now… but Alijah was a good friend as well. Why would he lash out at Eric like that? Telling him to leave her alone? That didn't sound like Eric was up to much good… Maybe he'd been playing her.

No.

No, that couldn't be it. There must be another reason. One where Eric wasn't the bad guy, because he had literally given her no reason to distrust him at all. None whatsoever. Hell, 'he showed her his books' after all. Keena laughed at her own thoughts… Damn that sounded pathetic.

She snapped back to the present briefly as Jasper took another hit on her face. It only took a small readjustment in her steps however before her mind started to wonder again.

If it wasn't Eric, it must be Alijah.

But what could be his motive if Eric didn't have any bad intentions? The small annoying voice in the back of her mind could only offer one answer: Alijah could be jealous.

He somehow knew after all that Eric had been 'fucking her' as he so explicitly pointed out to Eric. Maybe he missed her, she had been an awful lot at Eric's for the past four weeks in her free time, especially this last week. But she was always at dinner and Alijah had also never come up to her then to meet up. In all honestly, Keena had figured Alijah was afraid she was still mad at him, for sort of outing her private secret that night of the party. She had forgiven him long since, but seeing how he'd come into Eric's office today, it seemed like making up after a fight wasn't his strong suit. Nor was he confident enough to just forgive and forget (which was more or less what Keena liked to do).

There was also the unlikely option of him being into her. Zeke had mentioned something about his clothes and his last date being three years ago, but she had figured Zeke had been joking… Maybe there was some truth to it after all, but if he liked her – which was a big if – why hadn't he told her?

Not that it mattered.

Two years ago, she had been in love with Alijah. Or well, she had been in love with the idea of being in love with a dauntless member, which just happened to be Alijah: the only dauntless member available at the time. She knew now, however, that Alijah was not for her: He was too sweet and too gentleman like and as a friend, this was perfect, as a romantic partner not so much.

She would walk all over him.

No, she needed someone who wasn't afraid to put her back in line when she overdid herself. She knew she was a defiant and reckless person. As an adrenaline junky at heart, she needed someone with a sharp tongue that wasn't afraid to use that proverbial gift of the gab on her. Someone who wasn't afraid to hurt or offend her. Someone who challenged her.

Feelings were meant to be hurt: Without pain there was not only no point in joy, you also didn't learn a shit. However painful situations may be, it always learned you to be better next time. Eventually it was pain that pushed you to the best you had. 'No pain, no gain' as they liked to say.

Eric knew that.

He was not afraid to hurt her when it had a purpose… and it always had. Hell, he had grabbed her by the throat on purpose only half an hour after that whole ordeal she'd with Marc. It was a nastily mean move of him, yet he only did it in an attempt to get his point across… and he did, quite successfully. So in a way she was quite thankful for his harsh ways.

Eric was all for though love.

Keena understood that. Not many others did, but she understood where he came from: that sometimes scaring the shit out of someone would keep them safe when it truly mattered. It was that way with herself and all the other initiates he trained. In real life there would be no happy-ending after a surrender, so he had to train the initiates to their absolute best by testing them on their absolute worst. This included experiencing fear.

 _So what the hell was she doing right now?_ Keena thought bitterly as Jasper got in another forceful hit on her, successfully blurring her vision and looking particularly smug with himself as he did. _Whatever_ , the more conceited he got, the more likely he was to mess up.

Focus Keena. _Focus_.

Deciding to stick with her earlier defocused demeanor – yet this time as an act – the fight continued. She let him take another few hits on her, although now on purpose before she could see his stance falter slightly. Probably unconsciously, he was creating a routine for himself, like a dance.

Double punch, step back, defense.  
Step forward, kick, defense.  
Step back, jump forward, punch.  
Underhand stroke, step back, defense.

And then the cycle started over.

She could take him out with his jump in the air. It would be easy to get him off balance when he only had one foot on the ground. And so the next time he was about to jump, Keena shot out to his right foot, kicking it hard right on the moment he set it off. With his other foot useless and powerless in the air, Jasper was sure to stumble backwards until he collapse on the mat.

Keena was quick to jump on top of him, but unlike last time they fought and she had straddled his chest, she now went for his neck.

Her hands may not be big enough to suffocate a big guy like that, but her legs were capable for sure. Jasper was gasping for air within the second, his hands coming out to pull her hair and lift him off of her but it didn't work.

"Night, night. Jasper." She whispered before she could see his eyes toll back into his head. She immediately lost her grip and stood up, smiling smugly down at the unconscious body of her bully on the floor.

Her eyes sought out Eric for the briefest of moments and he gave her a slight nod, his mouth in a emotionless thin line if not for the slight twitch of the corner of his lips.

She had won!

There was no way she wouldn't make stage two of training now! Grinning she made her way to her jumping and yelling friends who all came at her to hug her, temporarily forgotten that Keena disliked physical contact like that.

Keena couldn't find it in her to mind. Espessially not after catching the sneaky little wink Eric threw her way before ordering the next fighting duo into the ring, his face once again an unreadable mask carved out of stone when he did.

No, whatever Alijah's problem with her and Eric together might be... Eric wasn't the reason.


	31. Chapter 31: Complicated Misconceptions

**Alright guys! It has been a while but I'm back :)  
As always, thanks for reading/following/favoriting/reviewing. It means A LOT 3  
**

 **My sincere apologies for taking so long. I've been both completely uninspired (for this part of the story anyway, as is my custom) as I have been busy with... well, you know, LIFE. But to make it up to you guys I've made this chapter extremely long.**

 **So yeah, although I really wanted to be one of those people who updates every other week, my schedule and brain just refuse to work like that. Sometimes I will post more often then that (yay) but other times I won't (bohoo, yes-yes throw those rotten tomatoes hun, I'll take it in grace).  
**

 **Either way, I will try my absolute best not to let you guys wait longer than a month because everybody hates those stories that suddenly continue after like a year or so when you forgotten all about them.**

 **But for now, without further ado: enjoy.  
**

 **EPOV**

Eric rubbed his temples in the hope to dissolve the emerging headache but it was no use: When people were as stupid as Alijah was currently being, ailments like headaches were simply inevitable.

For 10 minutes straight, his best friend had been ranting the same things over and over again. Countless of pleonasms, tautologies and repetitions later Eric finally had enough with the broken record called _Alijah's ridiculous statements_.

"Wasn't it _you_ who told me I would like her to begin with all those months ago?" Eric snarled annoyed. "Wasn't it _you_ who told me to go after her?!"

"Yes! But I _wanted_ you to _stay away_ from her!"

Seriously… _what in hell?_

How was Eric supposed to keep up with all these 'I said, but I meant' kind of bullshit? Just like Alijah, he was raised an Erudite; they stated facts only. And just like Alijah, he turned out to be a Dauntless; they were brave enough to tell the truth to someone's face.

You know what he wasn't?  
A fucking mindreading Candor;  
A feeling-cautious Amity;  
Or a bloody Abnegation repressing his own carnal cravings.

None of those came even close to who he was and now his best friend was angry at him for listening to him? Besides, it was not as if he could help it, falling for Keena! Hell, if he could shake her off, he would happily trade his feelings for dogshit. Well, perhaps not anymore… But in the beginning. Yes. Undoubtedly.

Railing in his confused anger, Eric simply settled on the sneer: "You sound like a woman." It would do no good to yell back.

"Nonetheless." Alijah growled lowly, teeth bared. "You should've stayed away from her."

Eric sighed. "In what world did you think that pushing me to go for her was a good tactic to accomplish that?"

"Because you always do the complete opposite of what I want you to do!" Alijah hissed venomously. "If I told you to stay away you would've liked the sport of taking her anyway, just to see you could."

It felt like Eric had just been punched in his face with an iron boxing glove.

"You think that low of me? That I would take the girl of my best mate just for the _sport_ of it?" Eric's words were ice cold. "When did I ever do something with a girl you liked."

"I never liked a girl like this." Alijah threw off the question, knowing fully that the answer was 'never'. "And I'm used that you take what you want when you want it, _especially_ when people tell you off." Alijah sighed and gestured his hand around the office. "Take your leadership position for example: Half Dauntless was against it that someone so young, barely 17 at the time, would be made leader. A _transfer_ no less! Seriously, what did you know of leading Dauntless? And yet, you got the position seemingly effortlessly."

" _Effortlessly!_?" Eric fumed, so Alijah's old habit of jealousy was back yet again.

Broken record indeed.

Back in Erudite Alijah had often accused him of pretty much the same thing. For some unexplainable reason Alijah had woken up one day and decided that things just came easily to Eric because his precious aunt was the leader of Erudite. It wasn't true of course, in fact, Jeanine had only pushed him to work harder for everything he wanted. Jeanine might use her power for many shady things but going easy on the people she loved was not one of them. She wanted them to succeed on their own in life, her family should only exist out of winners – not losers who got an out-of-jail free card.

Alijah had never understood that and Eric thought that in Dauntless at least there would be no reason for such an insulting assumptions ever to take place again. With Jeanine out of the picture, Eric figured he could finally distance himself from stupid accusations like that and show the world – and Alijah in particular – that Eric got the things he wanted - let it be money, jobs or girls – solely through his own hard work and accomplishments.

Well, turns out it was an impossible task to achieve, old habits die hard after all and Eric would be lying if he said it didn't stung that the accusation was coming directly from his best and oldest friend.

" _Enough_." Eric sneered maliciously, every ounce of pity for his best friend completely vanished now. "I _work_ for what I get, just like everyone else around here, if not harder. I work my ass off around the clock to get the things I want because I never _just get_ them! You call yourself my best friend but you paint me as some spoilt brat? Is that it?" Eric stepped closer, looming over his best friend. In truth Eric was only taller by an inch or so, but he was by far more muscular and broader than his friend and he would use it to his best advantage now.

He wanted to punch something. _No_. He needed to _fucking destroy_ something. Preferably his best mate's face.

Alijah, never one to be intimidated by Eric, looked actually ashamed of himself for a second. "I know that you work hard for it, Eric. But come on, even you have to admit you're like Gladstone Gander. Luck is _always_ on your side."

"No, it's called _toiling_." Eric snarled, done with playing nice now. "And I still fail to see how this relates to Keena."

"I've been in love with the girl for over _three fucking years_."

"So what?!" Eric roared, smashing his fist on the kitchen counter. "You knew her first? We're not in kindergarten anymore, for fuck's sake!"

"That's not what I mean."

"Than what do you mean?!" Eric bellowed, only the barest minimum of his patience left. "Tell me what you do mean, Alijah! How well do you even know her after all these years? I can't imagine she hasn't changed. _You've_ changed."

Keena wasn't easy to get to know. Eric might not have been there two years ago when Alijah fell in love with Keena, but he could hardly imagine Keena to be some open and sharing spirit back then. Yes, people change, but not _that_ much. Also, for as far as Eric was up to speed, Alijah and Keena barely saw each other at all since she'd transferred.

Sure, they drank a coffee once in the two or three weeks but other than that…? Keena was busy training all day everyday and the nights she spend either in the dorms or Eric's bed. Not to mention Alijah was a lot away on business trips to other factions. And of course there was the fact that Alijah and Keena hadn't even spoken with each other since their fight at the Christmas Party a little over a week ago.

"I tried dating her!"

"You took her out for coffee, what? Four, maybe five times in the past _months?_ " Eric laughed humorlessly. "I doubt she even took them for dates! Hell, I know for a fact she didn't!"

His friend visually deflated, his slumped body grapping on to the chair closest by, but for some reason Eric felt nothing at seeing his friend like that. Disgust at his pathetic display aside.

"Look, Eric…" Alijah stroked his hand through his hair nervously. "I should've told you the truth sooner, but I'm here now: To ask you, no literally _beg_ you, to back down." Alijah's eyes were pleading with hope. "I really, _really_ like her and you'll get bored of her eventually anyway. So, back down… _please_."

In that moment, Eric recalled the image of his friend two years ago: Just as dejected and depressed as he was now. Some life-less zombie, all because he was heartbroken over the very same girl they were fighting over at this very moment. There was no doubt Alijah really did love her at the time, and still did. Or at least, Alijah was convinced he did.

If Alijah had come to him with this request a month ago, Eric still would've been able to walk away for the sake of their friendship. It would've been a hard thing to do, but for his oldest friend Eric would've tried. Alijah was one of the few men in Dauntless able to treat Keena right, possibly even better than he himself would ever be able to.

But even if that was the case, and his best friend and the woman he liked would make each other happier than he ever could, would he be selfless enough to step back and have Alijah have his go?

No.

Eric was too selfish a man, simple as that.  
Or was he?

Maybe it was not as much selfishness as it was weakness. In truth, it was not like he didn't want to do it, if it meant saving his oldest friendship, but Eric was truly unconvinced that he physically and/or psychologically was even able to. He had _finally_ come to accept that he had feelings for her, feelings he'd never felt before. He had started to tolerate these feelings, _like_ them even. _Crave_ them like some carnal need. He couldn't just let her slip away now, after finally finding that one thing he'd never thought he would…

Love.

Fuck. He _loved_ her.

But wasn't there some saying stating that loving someone meant you had to do what was best by the other, even if that course of action wasn't what you needed yourself?

Alijah was smart, strong and handsome. He was a good listener, funny and well-liked by everyone who knew him. He was a jovial man, courteous and friendly and he treated his women right. Seriously, if Alijah would date Keena – _oh god, Eric really hated to picture it_ – Eric could find little wrong with the match. He would love her, protect her and fight off the evils in world. She would be in good hands.

So what did that mean?

If Eric was simply too selfish to give her up, it would mean he didn't truly love her enough to give her what she needed and deserved. In that case, Alijah should have her.

No. That couldn't be right.  
Eric refused to believe that.

Of course, there was a second option as well. If Eric truly did love Keena and he still refused to give her up when a fine lad like Alijah came along, it could also mean he refused to give her up because he was secretly convinced he could offer her more than Alijah ever would… making him the best option?

Ha! Eric the best option for love? Who would've guessed? Certainly not he himself, nor anyone else at Dauntless. Alijah clearly didn't either and Eric couldn't even blame his friend for doubting his abilities in love.

And yet, it was the only righteous explanation he had for his next words.

"Alijah, I really can't."

He watched the hopeful expression of his friend turn into one of anger and hurt.

"That's what I thought." Alijah spat. "If you don't leave her be, I _will_ report you to Max." And with those words Alijah left his office, slamming the door behind him.

 **KPOV**

That night there was a party in the Pitt in honor of all the initiates completing the first stage. It wasn't until tomorrow – at the end of Visiting Day – that the scores would be presented and people knew for sure whether or not they had made it, but for now everybody could celebrate and for the evening being – and only that - the initiates were allowed to drink alcohol.

Not that they hadn't done it before, but still. Allowance did have its perks.

Apparently during second stage of initiation alcohol consumption was strictly forbidden, even more so than in the first stage. There were even rumors that there would be blood tests. Keena didn't know whether those rumors were to be believed or not, but in case they were true, Dauntless had some serious trust-issues… Talking about overkill.

"Keena what about you?" Gale's voice brought her back to present, only to find all of her friends – and Lexie – staring at her expectantly, although Lexie looked at her with mild annoyance.

"Yeah, sure." Keena guessed her answer, eyeing the empty bottle in Gale's hand. They probably wanted to play _CDC_ again and if the looks on their faces was anything to go by, her guess had been spot on.

Keena, being from Amity, had never played the game _Candor Dauntless Chickens_ – aka CDC – herself before, but candors and dauntless apparently knew all about this game growing up. Mira had tried to explain it to her once: Someone spins a bottle and if it points at you, you'll have to choose between the truth or the dare given to you by the one who span the bottle. But instead of answering truthfully or performing your given instruction you can always 'peace out' (chicken out) like an Amity. And 'peace out' is meant in a way of drinking.

The first time Mira had explained the rules to her, Keena had laughed at that last little fact. She fully understood how other factions looked down on Amity's usage of peace serum: It was a well-known stereotype that Amities were rather intoxicated with their serum than face cold facts, ugly truths or hard decisions. Making especially the Erudite, Candors and Dauntless look down on the whole Amity-society (not that the Erudite participated in games like these, after all there was no real intelligence to urn by it). Maybe even worse was the fact that Keena, a born Amity and – albeit unknown to the rest – with partly Amity aptitude herself, found little to disagree with the sentiment.

"Great!" Gale smiled cheekily before cleaning the table they were standing around to make place for a spinning bottle.

"Yes. Isn't it just." Came the sarcastic remark of Lexie. Seriously, what was she even doing here? Keena had been sitting and drinking with her friends in the Pitt when the dauntless-born had entered the area as well. Unsurprisingly, Dante, Boris and Gaya had decided to join them but surprisingly, so had Lexie. It was not like she didn't have the option of buggering off. All of her friends had continued with the rest of the Dauntless-born for the spot they usually occupied at the far end of the Pitt.

"It's your first time so you can start." Ignoring Lexie, Gale handed her the bottle.

 _…_

"Dante. I dare you to declare 'your undying love' to Eric or tell us all about your first kiss." Dante narrowed his eyes at Boris for a second before he snapped his head to Gaya.

"You told him?!" He cried out as Jonah grinned sheepishly. "When?!"

"Jesus brother, take a chill pill." Gaya rolled her eyes. "Truly, it was way too great a story to pass up on."

"It was an accident!"

"Yeah, _that's_ what _makes_ it funny."

"Can't I just tell Max of my undying love instead? Eric isn't even in here!"

Boris laughed cruelly. "No way. It has to be Eric. You know how much he likes to be included in games like these… Taking up his precious time."

"I hate you." Dante jabbed, half meaning it though. Looking around the circle of friends he grunted in defeat. " _Fine_. I was eight years old and in love with this girl a few years older than me. Her mother worked in the infirmary and she had told some people once, that she knew how to do mouth to mouth. So one day, when I accidently choked on some water in her presence she looked really worried and rushed to my side. Mortified as I was over the fact that I did something as idiotic as chocking, I decided to make it even worse by fainting. In my stupid 8 year old mind I figured she would give me mouth to mouth and I could miraculously wake up and kiss her back. So at this point, I'm lying there, on the ground with my eyes closed as I hear all these people rushing towards me and yelling in obvious worry, but I decide to carry out my plan. What I didn't know however, was that her mother had conveniently entered the room only seconds before, so when I eventually did feel soft lips brushing mine…"

"You kissed her mother instead." Gaya finished smug, unashamedly enjoying her brother's pain.

The group burst out into laughter.

 _…_

"Can we join?" A pretty dark-haired girl asked, already settling herself between Dante and Maximus, while also her friends – a blond girl and a guy that looks an awful lot like the younger version of Zeke. But… perhaps more handsom. "I'm Christina and those suckers I call friends are Tris and Uriah." The dark-haired beauty continued, explaining for the transfers in their group. It was quite obvious the Dauntless-born already knew them, especially that Uriah guy.

Wait a minute… _Uriah_. Ah, so it was Zeke's younger brother. The one she shared a train with once. Not that she cared, but still.

"Hey guys." Dante offered. "These are Gale, Jonah, Maximus, Lara, Keena and Mira." He explained going around in the circle, skipping over the four Dauntless-born. As soon as her own name was mentioned, Uriah's eyes snapped to her and she smiled a knowing smile in return, giving him a little nod in recognition. Apparently, she wasn't the only one Zeke had bothered with their connection.

Uriah fully grinned at her but luckily seemed to be of the same mind as her as to not make a big deal out of it, especially not with so many people around. There wasn't much to tell, but Keena still preferred not to have her friends know she was jumping in and out trains from age 6.

"Alright, let's continue." Gaya said, spinning the bottle as it was her turn. "Keena!" She exclaimed happily when the bottle stopped turning pointing at her.

"Make it impossible for her to chose dare." Mira butted in. "She's only been choosing those."

"Isn't that a good thing, though?" Keena laughed to cover up her surprise anyone had even noticed. There generally had been a lot of time between her turns. "I'm just too Dauntless to be a Candor, unlike some tattletales."

"Hey!" Mira, Christina and Jonah all exclaimed at the same time. "And this, coming from an Amity? No wonder you left, bitch." Mira stuck out her tongue playfully.

"Guys." Lara warned, always the peacemaker. "Just let her pick whatever she wants."

"So, Keena." Gaya butted in, grinning evilly at Mira. "Show us your tits or… guys what do we want to know of _her_?"

As the group started shouting the most embarrassing questions, Keena simply whistled on her fingers before putting her hand up. "It doesn't matter. I'm going to peace out." She winked at the group as she held up her beer in salute before finishing the drink at once.

"Oh no, so sad. I've been dying to know _all_ about you, Amity." Lexie commented, her sarcasm clear as she took out some dirt from underneath her purple fingernails.

Keena snorted but spun the bottle.

…

"Melius, it's your turn."

For the past two hours or so they had been playing this – let's face it - _stupid_ game and Lexie was still getting his name wrong, making her either deliberately annoying or just incredibly stupid.

"It's _Maximus_." Lara snapped, receiving a wink from Maximus. "Honestly, she's gotten it wrong 7 times tonight already." Lara muttered under her breath so only Keena and Boris could hear it, who sat on either side of her.

Not really bothered by it himself, Maximus spun the bottle, which landed on Gaya. Before even making up the action-or-question dilemma, Gaya answered.

"Dauntless, duh." Gaya winked at him, making the curly blonde stutter and blush a bit. Seriously, could anyone blame him? Gaya was a freaking goddess with her purple eyes. Keena suspected she herself would even blush if Gaya ever winked at her.

"Oh. Uhm. I dare you to…" His eyes flashed around the Pitt before landing on a big mirror in one of store windows. "Do you see that mirror over there? I dare you to have a five minute conversation with yourself about how pretty you are, loud enough for us to hear from here." Well played Maximus! Complimenting her _and_ giving her a though – embarrassing – dare.

Gaya barked out a laugh. "Whatever dude." She said coolly, before taking a sip of her drink. "I like alcohol anyway."

The group laughed and the game continued but as time passed by, so did the bottles of beers. Intoxicated the game got more and more extreme. Funnily enough, more and more dares were completed and more and more truths were spilled than with the mild version questions and dares of the beginning. When you drank, nobody really gave a shit anymore, Keena guessed.

"Become the slave of another player for 15 minutes." Gale ordered Jonah. "Or tell us all about your first time… or, you know, peace out and all."

"Do I get to choose of whom?"

"Yes…" Gale hesitated. "As long as it's not Lara."

"FACK!" Jonah exclaimed at the same time as Lara shouted: "HEY! Why wouldn't I get a slave? I'd like one!" She huffed indignantly, but on her it could only look adorable.

"If you promise to be harsh on him you may have him." Gale laughed at her.

"Deal. Jonah, start massaging my feet now, they're quite sore after I _kicked your ass_ today." Lara gleamed, referring to their fight during training today. Lara had won by a shred… but a win was a win.

The group howled in response although Keena and Mira were both quite pleasantly shocked by this slightly tipsy and more dominant Lara. It might be over on the morrow, but for now it was hilarious.

"You two did this." Jonah muttered under his breath as he spun the bottle, glaring from Mira to Keena and back to Mira. "You two created a monster with your bad influence."

Mira winked at him and leaned in, pretending to want to give him a peck on the cheek before reaching her hand out towards Keena who slapped it in return.

"Hell yes we did!" She grinned in her boyfriend's face before motioning towards Lara's waiting feet, ordering to start already. Muttering, Jonah started to massage Lara's feet, who was on her turn looking particularly content with the entire situation.

"Dauntless." Mira said immediately when the bottle pointed at her.

Jonah laughed. "Alright, for the duration of the game you have to shout out random exclamations in rhyme, loud enough for the Pitt to hear."

Mira narrowed her eyes at him. "Or?"

"No or. Unless you suddenly want to tell me how long you've been in love with me. I bet it's been aaaaages."

"You've got a weird sense of humor." Mira told him before a twinkle caught her eyes.

 _Oh, no_. Seriously… _what was Jonah thinking_? This was the worst kind of dare to give to Mira of all people. The girl already liked giving her opinion, now she had literally an order to do so for the entirety of Dauntless present in the Pitt.

"Jonah?" Keena started hesitantly. "You do _know_ your girl, right? I don't think this is the best–"

"ICE CREAM MIGHT BE FUN TO LICK, BUT SO IS JONAH'S TINY DI-"

Jonah was quick to press his hand to her mouth, successfully shutting her up, although Mira was by then already laughing out loud. As was the rest of the group and some random people around them who'd heard.

Jonah grunted and shot Keena a regrettable look as if to say 'you were right' while Mira was having the time of her life.

"Okay. My turn." The dark-haired beauty gushed happily, spinning the bottle. It landed on Christina who chose Candor instantly, not feeling like getting up for a dare.

"Best sex you've ever had, if he's here, you'll need to point him out to us."

Christina looked around the room – looking for the person in question - while Tris started to chuckle softly. "You guys are gonna _love_ this." Tris snorted, shaking her head.

"I don't see him. But it's Eric." Christina said coolly, rolling her eyes at the gasps, chuckles and disbelieving exclamations she was receiving. Only Keena and Lexie were not particularly amused by this new piece of information, although Keena tried her hardest not to show it and laughed along whereas Lexie was looking bored at her fingernails.

"Eric? As in leader Eric? The same Eric that kicks puppies as a hobby and likes to make initiates shit their pants in fear?" Mira laughed disbelieving.

"The very one."

"Why?! He's such a dick!"

"Correction. He _has_ such a dick." Christina laughed.

At the many questions from the group Christina merely shrugged. "None of your damn business, kiddos. But just know that during my initiation Eric hung me of the Chasm, so I wasn't particularly a fan of him either. But yeah… I _do_ recognize the potential of a huge cock and a dominant personality when I see one."

"Ew, too much details." Maximus wrinkled his nose and Tris nodded her agreement, playfully shoving her best friend.

"ERIC MIGHT'VE HUNG HER OF THE CHASM… BUT STILL DECIDED TO GIVE HER THE PUSSY SPASM." Mira all but yelled, the grin on her face so big that the Cheshire Cat himself would've been jealous of it.

All around them people started to laugh, as did their entire group. Yes, including Keena, even though she desperately tried to push away the annoying feeling that formed in her stomach.

She felt slightly sick and angry although she had no reason to be. She knew Eric had slept around in the eight years before she came here. Christina was a beautiful girl, if Keena was attracted to women she would probably shag her too, but that was beside the point. Eric could sleep with and date anyone he wanted to… They never agreed to be exclusive or anything in that direction. And hell, his night with Christina had happened before she and Eric even knew each other, or at least before they were involved, and so, Keena had no reason to be mad or sad or angry or disappointed.

None whatsoever.  
And yet… she was.

Damnit. She hated being jealous. She'd never been before, unless you count jealousy at other kids because they do have dads around growing up and mothers who cuddle them and smell nice – like flowers instead of clinical odors. Either way, she'd never been jealous over a boy before, and knowing she was now was an absolute pain in her ass.

Shaking her head, she snapped out of her train of thoughts. This was hardly the place or the time to get jealous. Nor did she have a legitimate reason to be. So, she did whatever seemed the best way to get her mind off of things quickly: focusing on Lexie. It was a wonder Keena hadn't frozen yet with the icy demeanor Lexie had been treating her with all evening… not to mention the cold glares she threw her way too.

All night Keena seemed to be her target for hateful looks and nasty sneers. Even Jasper could be considered warm and cozy in comparison.

"This is so boring." Lexie whined. "I thought you guys said you were going here to get some booze." She bothered Gaya. "It's been two hours and I've seen nothing yet."

"You're drinking beer right now, Lex." Gaya answered unimpressed before chuckling at Keena's eyeroll.

"Yes. _Beer_. Where is the good stuff? Whiskey or Vodka or something else that can actually make me _drunk_! C'mon Gaya, we're no lightweights like the rest of this lot, you know." She whined on arrogantly. "We're actually grown-ups." For some reason she seemed to think she needed to emphasize that by a way of sticking out her – yes, considerable – breasts

"You could always just try to complain less and drink more." Keena opted, with an overly sweet smile, laying the sarcasm on thick.

Gaya chuckled.  
Lexie fumed.

"I'm sure with all that peace serum in your system, cheerfulness might seem appealing to you, _Amity_ , but _we Dauntless_ hate all that sweet goody-good stuff." She paused before continuing smugly. "You'd do well to remember that if you actually want to succeed in your pathetic attempts of ensnaring Alijah."

Keena chocked on her beer and started coughing.

"I want what now?" She asked.

"Please. Don't act all innocent. I saw you drinking coffee with him on multiple occasions."

Keena simply shrugged. She could tell that the group was eagerly awaiting a response but Keena felt no urge to correct Lexie's assumption. In all honesty, she couldn't care less of what they all thought.

Instead, Keena focused her attention back on the game. As luck would have it, the bottle stopped while pointing at her.

"What? You're not going to deny it?" Lexie taunted. "It's true then!"

"I fail to see how this is any of your business, but no it's not true." Keena replied dully, inside however she wanted to smack that girl in her face, hoping the mark of her hand would become just as red as that hair of hers. "Alijah and I go way back, that's all."

There was a finality in her words and before Lexie could say any more, Mira jumped in, offering Keena a wicked grin as she yelled: "ROSES ARE RED, LARA SIPS COCA COLA, LEXIE'S MAKE UP LOOKS LIKE IT'S DONE WITH CRAYOLA."

God bless that girl. She truly was an awesome friend to have.

"Hey!" Lexie shrieked indignantly. "You were only supposed to scream facts, Mira. You have to drink now!" Lexie tried to laugh off, but her own laughter died as the group remained silent. "It took me forever! Ugh. What would you guys know about it? It's _haute couture_. _Very_ expensive."

"I think it's very Dauntless." Lara offered friendly, receiving a small smile from Lexie. Reluctantly Keena had to agree with that statement.

Keena didn't necessarily want to wear such bright pink, green and orange colors on her face herself – it was all a bit too much for her taste - but for a Dauntless party it was quite cool. At least the girl dared to stand out with it, so that was kind of Dauntless. You know… in a ridiculous kind of way… Although, to be fair, it quite suited Lexie without looking all that ridiculous at all on her, and somewhere in the back of her mind Keena could both respect and envy the girl for giving no fucks about what everybody else thought.

She was still a bitch though. But yeah, Keena could appreciate people who dared to be different. She'd always liked people who stood out and decided not to be a sheep. Just such a shame Lexie had the personality of sheep dung.

"Yes. I agree." Keena nodded, albeit a bit reluctantly. But all she got from Lexie was a roll of her eyes and a snort.

 _Whatever_. Take it or leave it, _bitch_.

"Keena, you'll choose Dauntless right?" Christina asked in confirmation, smartly redirecting the attention back on the game and earning a chuckle from the group.

Up until then, Keena had yet to choose something different than Dauntless, afraid of what a Candor question might have her reveal. Just to shock the laughing group though, she would amuse them this once. There was always a chance to 'peace out' if the question was to much, although that wouldn't be the smartest thing to do for an ex-Amity.

"No, actually, I want to go with Candor this time." Keena said and although her friends all started laughing, their laugher died out soon enough.

"Wait? What! You're serious?" At Keena's eyeroll and slight nod, Mira squealed. "I can't believe I'm the lucky one." She grinned devilishly as her mind made up a question, just when she opened her mouth to voice it though, she snapped her mouth shut again. "Wait. No. Can't scare the poor girl away immediately." Christina said, to no one in particular. "Okay. Something safe. What's the most exciting place you've ever had sex?"

 _Seriously, that's it?_

Keena grinned. She was tempted to say 'Eric's office' just to see what their reactions would be but that wouldn't be a smart move if she wanted to keep it a secret. So instead she played it on safe. "On the other side of the fence, Amity lands." Teenagers often had their 'secret' get-together parties down there and more than once it ended up with cozy couples in the grass.

"Seriously? BEYOND the fence? You are crazy, absolutely bonkers." Gale laughed as the group agreed.

"AMITIES SEEM A LITTLE DENCE, BUT THEY DO HAVE SEX BEYOND THE FENCE!" Mira grinned smugly as she finished her rhyme. "He, but what about that guy here at Dauntless?"

"Oh! You've got someone at Dauntless?" Christina gushed, already on top of it. "Is he a member? Do I know him?" She hesitated before wiggling her eyebrows. " _Do you?"_

Keena laughed and shrugged. "I answered my question."

"Damnit Mira! You should've fed me this piece of information sooner!" Christina accused as Mira started defending herself. Keena merely snorted at the hectic accusations and reached for the bottle to give it a spin, but she was prevented from doing so when someone set his foot on it.

Forcefully.  
Wait a minute…  
She _knew_ that boot.

Looking up she looked into the stoic and unamused face of Eric.

"Sex beyond the fence, really? I do believe that's a _felony,_ Amity." He spat venomously. Keena didn't miss the jealous glint in his eyes. Good, so she wasn't the only one.

"I very much doubt there's an explicit law against it, _sir_." She bit back. It looked like he wanted to say more but he swiftly turned to Mira instead.

"You're no Dauntless yet, Candor. If you shout another things about me, I'll make sure that next time you'll be shouting, you'll do it as a brand new factionless." Eric's eyes flashed dangerously to Christina once, who looked at him coolly yet not totally as unfazed as she was probably aiming for, before lingering on Mira.

"N-N-No, sir." Mira stuttered, her usual fear of him probably intensified because of the alcohol and Keena had to hold back a chuckle at the way Mira swallowed and choked on her words.

"That's what I thought, Candor." And without further ado, Eric stalked away, leaving behind a totally put out Mira, sulking over the fact that she could no longer continue her rhymes.

…

"I dare you to steal one of the bungee jump ropes and jump from the highest floor down the Pitt." He grinned, fully expecting her to drink.

"Or?"

"Tell us who you're fucking in Dauntless."

Keena grinned. "Where do I find the rope?"

…

This was it.

Everything was secured and checked (and double checked), leaving only one thing left to do: jump.

"Still time to back out, little one." Uriah smiled. He had come with her for safety's sake. Plus she needed someone who would help her, you know, get down to the ground safely once she was hanging motionless in the air.

"No way! This reminds me way too much of that whole flying experience after Capture the Flag." Keena gushed.

Uriah stared at her. "Aren't you at least a tiny bit afraid? If nothing else, just for Eric's wrath?"

"Oh, I can handle Eric." Keena snorted without thinking. Damn alcohol.

"Girl, you have a death-wish. I'm starting to think my dare was inadequate." He pouted.

Keena shrugged and laughed at the weird face Uriah made. "No worries, it's not an insufficient dare. I dig it… Reminds me of that first day here at Dauntless, falling backwards into that black hole all over again."

"Oh right! I forgot." Uriah slapped his face. "You are _that_ crazy Amity, the first-jumper of the year were you not?"

Keena smiled mischievously. "I might've been." She smiled. "I'm all set right?"

"Yes, but just know, you _will_ get in trouble for this." Uriah stated.

This made her pause. "Sending-me-off-to-the-factionless kind of trouble?"

"No."

"Than I'll survive." And with those words she let herself fall backwards.

…

Half a second. That's all it took.

Or at least felt like.

Why was the Pitt so damn close to the floor she'd jumped from? It was over before she'd been able to fully appreciate the rush of it all. Still the adrenaline made her heart pump and brought a smile to her face, as did the clapping, howling and whistling sounds of the Dauntless surrounding her.

Until the sound suddenly died out.

She felt him. Just then, she felt him approach from somewhere behind her. But still dangling upside down from the rope she couldn't exactly turn towards him fully.

"Eric." She breathed nonetheless, willing her head to turn as far as it allowed in his direction.

Just in that moment, however, Uriah started to slowly lower her to the ground and as soon as she was only a full meter away from the ground, she heard Eric cut the rope before she fell the last meter to the floor, face first.

"With me, initiate. _Now_." Oh man, he sounded pissed. Like really, really, _really_ pissed and for the briefest of seconds Keena was actually afraid. She followed him out of the Pitt

Had she pushed it too far?  
Did he hate her now?  
Would he want nothing to do with her now?  
Would she be thrown out of Dauntless?  
To live her life as a factionless?

What in hell… _Keena stop!_ She berated herself.

This was nothing like her! Why was she acting all panicky and scared? She was brave, fearless, _dauntless_. Well, maybe not fearless, but she was not supposed to be afraid of _Eric_.

Except, she wasn't really, was she?

She was afraid of _his rejection_ only. Oh god, even worse. She wasn't supposed to care about his good or bad opinion on her. What was this? Was she having abandonment issues now? Well that… actually would make a lot of sense. Still sucked. But it was explainable, seeing her history.

 _Nope_.

She was not starting to have those kind of issues now. Not after years and years of being on her own– "AH!" She cried out when she suddenly walked into Eric's chest. She'd been so deep in thought she hadn't even noticed him stop walking and turning around. Taking a step back to create some distance between them, she dared not to look up, afraid of what his face might tell her. So instead, she opted for her feet.

"What were you thinking?!" Eric hissed with a steely voice. Keena, not trusting her own voice simply shrugged.

A strong hand came up to snatch her chin in a firm grip, forcing her to look up at him but her eyes darted everywhere but his face. She would not be able to handle his rejection, not right now.

"It was a dare." She settled on at last.

Eric roughly released his hold on her chin, making her stumble back a bit before she hurried after his retreating figure.

"Eric?"

No response.

"Eric, where are you taking me?"

More silence.

"Am I to be factionless?"

At this he sighed and turned around. He took in her fallen form briefly before scoffing an unamused laugh and looking away. "I could kill you right now, but no. You're not going to be factionless for your little stunt. If anything, that action is more likely to provide you with some 'street credit' amongst Dauntless than it is something to get you into serious trouble. If you hadn't been an initiate it would've been passed off with a simple warning not to do it again, but since you are, however, just an initiate–" And here he stopped to open the door to the training room. "Your punishment is to clean all the fighting mats."

Oh, that's not that bad actually. It might sound weird, but cleaning had always worked quite therapeutic for Keena. There was a certain satisfaction to take something messy or dirty and make it clean and orderly again. In her younger years, when she had felt hopeless and useless, it had provided her with a purpose: When she couldn't clean up the big mess that was her life in general, she could at least clean up the immediate mess surrounding her. It made her feel like she had some influence, even if it was the bare minimum.

"Cleaning supplies are in that closet. I come check up on you in a while." He turned to leave but Keena couldn't just let him go. Not like this. Something was up. At first she'd figured he was so pissed because of her action but he just literally explained it wasn't even that big of a deal, so why the attitude?

"Eric? Why are you so mad?" She hated how bothered her voice sounded. Stupid, stupid alcohol. It made her significantly suck at hiding her emotions.

Eric turned around slowly, his eyes fuming. "Are you seriously going to ask me that?!"

"Evidently!" She snapped back and once she saw him scowl his face into his 'authoritative leader' one she venomously added. "Oh, don't give me that. You just told me it wasn't a big deal!"

"Well it was to me!" He bellowed before lowering his voice. "Why did you do it?!"

"I told you, it was a dare."

"That's not good enough an answer and you know it. You were playing CDC, you could've chosen another option!"

"I could've but that wouldn't have been very Dauntless of me now would it?! But of course you never believed that I belong here to begin with! I'm probably only in your good graces now because I'm _sleeping_ with you." It was a low-blow and she knew it but he just made her so angry sometimes.

Something flashed in his eyes at her words. Was it worry? Or fear? Either way, her words seemed to have the impact she'd been aiming for, except it was not at all what she truly wanted. And so, she silently watched how his eyes turned to steal and his voice lowered to barely above a whisper when he spoke his next words: "Perhaps we shouldn't see each other for a while and find out."

They stared at each other for a long minute. Eric unreadable and Keena visibly crestfallen. Then, all of a sudden and without another word, he walked out of the door, leaving her to choke on air.

 **EPOV**

It's been only thirty minutes since he left Keena in that training room.

Thirty minutes of pure agony and guilt.

He knew it was mostly the alcohol talking, but she had looked so small all of a sudden. So small and vulnerable when he was angry at her, which was weird because he was angry at her all the time and usually she took it with grace and lots of teasing.

She was not supposed to look scared.

She'd been right to ask why he was mad. He really didn't have a good reason for it, and yet it felt he had. She could've fucking died jumping down like that, without real security. It was one thing to bungee jump, it was another to do it with a DIY home kit.

Frustrating stupid woman.

It wasn't really her fault, either, that he was in a bad mood. Not directly anyways. The fight with Alijah earlier that evening was certainly wearing him down and it also didn't help that half of the compound was suddenly cheering some strange rhyme about him hanging someone over the chasm and well… There's only one person who fitted both descriptions and it was easy enough singling her out in the Pitt… Just too bad she'd been sitting with Keena. He prayed to god there had been no further talk about him. Nearing their group had only made things worse. Keena had had sex beyond the fence? With who?

Obviously, he knew her to be skilled enough not to be a virgin when he met her, but seriously, hearing places like that made him want to punch some people in their faces. Or shoot.

She was not supposed to even remember all the fuckers that came before him! None of them were even worth thinking about. He never thought about his previous conquests. They had nothing to Keena. It made him angry to think Keena had memories like that, he wished he could take her to some exciting places instead of just his apartment, office and some shade broom closets all of the time. He would, eventually, but right now it was already unsafe enough as it was… He wouldn't even want to think of what happened when people found out he slept with her during initiation.

While it wasn't a crime to sleep with initiates as full members, it was heavily frowned upon if it became something more than 'casual sex'. Not only had he let it become more than a casual one night stand, he was a leader… overseeing her initiation. Any contact out of training hours was strictly forbidden, let he become biased. And now, with Alijah claiming he would report them to Max…

In all honesty, he didn't believe Alijah would do it. It would reflect worse on Keena than it would on him. People would see it as Keena sleeping her way into Dauntless, something that is definitely not true but alas, stupid people were bound to have stupid opinions.

Either way, his patience had been a thin shred and then she had jumped with that stupid rope, hardly secure tight around a pole. He had seen it happen, her face had nearly hit the ground before the elastic jumped back up. If there had been any miscalculation in tying that rope down, she would've been dead by now! Dead!

He hated that she was so reckless with her own life. She didn't care what danger she got herself in. She laughed at danger invitingly. She cared not whether she died today or not! So why should he?!

But he did.

And the thought of losing her, those few seconds of blind panic when he saw her falling down… And then, to top it all off, she had started about sleeping with him being the only reason why he tolerated her. It was a low jab, really, but it had reminded him too much about Alijah's warning earlier that night. He hadn't meant to tell her off like that, not really but she just made him so angry at times…

Still, she deserved an explanation for his parting words. The more he thought on it, the more worried he got she entirely mistook them for something else. Honestly he had just been overwhelmed with worry of what might happen to her if Alijah kept true to his words.

Fuck.

Practically running back to the training rooms where he'd left her, he fully intended to shout an apology at her, but the moment he threw open that door, however, he was met with a sight that rendered him speechless.

She was crying - soundlessly - but crying nonetheless. The wetness on her cheeks glistening in the light. She was on her knees on one of the mats, obsessively scrubbing the same spot over and over again with the brush in her hands, giving no indication she heard him enter. She also didn't look up as he moved towards her, his feet carrying him to her side without a second thought. When he reached her, his hands came out to cares her shoulders and to heal her upwards away from the floor, but before he could do that she jumped away from him, like a scared cat.

"Eric." She breathed once she realized it was him, but he couldn't make out her voice. Was she relieved? Scared? Angry? Indifferent? Not for the first time, he had no idea, but other than previous times, she wasn't hiding all her emotions behind a mask.

He was so used to decipher her masks that he couldn't even begin to read her when she was plain and open to him.

"You're crying." His voice was equally panicked as it was dumbfounded. "Why are you crying?" Great, he now sounded like an accusing dick. But seriously, how do you deal with a woman crying? In Erudite no one cried, excluding the kids that were too little to keep conduct and the people in physical pain.

But Keena didn't look to be in physical pain… So what was he to do?

He had never seen his mother cry and Eric was seriously convinced he was more likely to skip around town in a yellow dress, handing out flowers to factionless than he was likely to see Jeanine cry. Ever.

So for the first sixteen years of his life, crying had been something only kids or injured people did and when he came to Dauntless, that rule pretty much applied as well… for the most part of it anyway. With injuries, albeit few did, it was allowed to cry and kids cried all the time as a way of communicating, simple as that. But the first few times he'd seen people cry over emotions he had stand watching in disbelieve and shock, not quite understanding what was going on. After that, it had become a fascination of sorts, one he liked to provoke in especially initiates. He learned to accept the occasional emotional outbursts of Dauntless members as well: They were very passionate people and tended to express themselves bravely for the world to see. But although he learned to accept it, he had usually turned away from it, especially from the women he'd turned down.

He'd found their tears unstimulating and off-putting, slightly disgusted even by their loud sobs and high shrieks. Yes, making scared initiates cry was definitely different from seeing grown-up women – or the occasional (usually drunk) men – fall into tears. It was something he rather not watched.

And yet his body made no inclination to turn around and leave Keena to her own devices. He didn't even found it in him to mind at all. If anything, it draw him closer to her, his hands unskilled looking for a way to stop it.

He wanted it to stop.  
He needed it to stop.

And so he crouched down next to her, his hands clumsily reaching out for contact in hopes anything would help her to calm down but she just crawled further away from him, a weird look on her face.

"I what?" She stumbled confused before her hands shot to her cheeks, softly padding the wet skin underneath her eyes.

He all saw it happen in the flash of a second then: Confusion, realization, mortification, sorrow and at last her mask slipped back on. She dried her eyes with the palms of her hands and once she had, that signature smile was back.

"Wow. I didn't even realize." She laughed it off, shaking her head to emphasize her point of astonishment.

He didn't buy it. Well, he did believe she hadn't realized she was crying, but he didn't believe she was suddenly alright now. Not for one moment.

"Keena." He ushered her name in the same way that would usually render her skin covered in goosebumps. "Why were you crying?"

Keena rolled her eyes – exaggerated attempt to let him believe she was alright – and smiled at him soothingly – an attempt to ease his worry. "Honestly, I didn't even realize. Must be the chemicals in the detergents."

Pause.

"Keena, listen… About earlier."


	32. Chapter 32: Fear & Fright

**WARNING: in this chapter their will be mention of rape. If this triggers you in any way, don't read that part (I've put where it begins and ends in bold letters in the text. It's only the fear simulation itself, so the rest is just readable. I will however do it again**

 **KPOV**

 _"Have you even been listening to what I was saying? I only said it because Alijah threatened to tell Max. I didn't mean it. I don't actually want it! It just came out wrong."_

 _"I think it came out just perfectly."_

 _"What are you saying?"_

 _"I'm saying that maybe we should take a break. Seriously, what are we doing Eric? We toy around a bit, but really? We're just two fucked up people, afraid to get attached so we play it safe and stick to that one person who might be just as psychologically inept as we ourselves are. It's easy to play pretend when you already know how it's going to end, no need to put our hearts on the line."_

 _"Keena, no. That's not what this is and you know it. You're just scared and you want to run and turn your back on me before I can do it to you."_

 _"So you admit it then, you are going to turn your back on me."_

 _"Now you're just deliberately seeking to misunderstand me."_

 _"Whatever Eric, if you're not going right now, I am. Training mats be damned."_

 _"Keena, come on. Just wait. I- We… I think I might…"_

 _"You what, Eric?!"_

 _"I love you, Keena. A-at least I think I do. No, I do. I know I do, I just-"_

 _"Stop! You don't! You don't, do you understand me? We are not capable of love. We are not lovable, we are not loving. We are emotionless warriors- No! Don't come near me! STAY THERE ERIC! Stay the fuck away from me!"_

She had run away from him then… _Yet again_ , like the total coward she was. Luckily, he hadn't tried to follow her but although she was mostly relieved, she couldn't help the small lingering feeling of regret. But truly, it was for the best. Over the past weeks he had made her feel certain things that made her feel scared, vulnerable and confused. That she also tended to feel completely safe and cherised in his presence, she rather tried to block out.

Oh, what the hell! Who was she kidding, really? If she was being completely honest with herself, she had even liked the scared and vulnerable feelings too, just as she liked everything else dangerous. But that didn't change the fact that this really wasn't the right time and place to play with fire. One mistake could have killed or factionless in the blink of an eye. No, she shouldn't see him...

Not during initiation.  
Not when she had a reasonable chance on becoming factionless.  
And especially not when her so-called 'friend' had threatened to report them to Max, so she might end up cozy between garbage bins and stone matrasses.

Yes, life as a factionless, what a treat.

Talking about factionless, the scores were probably being revealed in the Pitt right now, not that Keena would go down to look. Eric would be there, no doubt and she really didn't feel like seeing him, not after last night. She had been sitting on the roof all day to avoid him, watching the stream of people coming in and out the compound; the many cars and busses that drove back and forth between the factions.

It had been visiting day today, but Keena knew for a fact her family wasn't coming. Her mother couldn't give a rat's ass about sentiments like this, her siblings were simply too young to come on their own and Martha wouldn't be able to assist them because she had her own family to visit back in Erudite. So naturally, Keena hadn't even shown her face in the meeting area for transfers.

Just as well, Eric would be lingering around there anyway.

The sound of an opening door had her snap out of her thoughts and she turned to see Lara enter the roof.

"Hey you." She smiled. "Thought I might still find you here. Scores are up."

"Maximus?" Keena asked instantly. She had no doubt the rest of her friends had made it to the second stage, but Maximus was by far most likely to get cut off.

"Made it." Lara smiled and Keena hadn't realized how nervous she'd been until she let out a shaky breath. "Thank god." They smiled. "You're third place, right after Dante and Boris."

"Little fuckers." Keena joked. "And the rest?"

"Gale is fifth, directly followed up by Jasper and Gaya. Then we have me on 10th, Mira on 14th and Jonah on 16th - he lost a lot of points after he lost our fight yesterday – and Maximus is on rank 29th so he really has to step up his game if he wants to make the final cut. Only 25 will be allowed after all." She furrowed her brows in worry. "Oh, and Lexie was 12th I believe. She was so angry at the transfers who had higher ranks than she." Both girls laughed.

"So, did your parents show?" Keena asked, slightly afraid for the answer.

"No." Lara sighed. "But I suspected as much, so I don't really mind. They're not sentimental like that."

"Same." Keena grimaced in understanding. "But it sucks all the same."

"That it does." Lara agreed as she settled herself next to Keena and leaned her head on top of Keena's as they watched the setting sun. It was in moments like this Keena really noticed their difference in height.

They sat in silence for a while, watching the sun lower and casting a beautiful orange hue over the city when Lara finally spoke up. She'd been fidgeting for ages, gathering the courage probably, so Keena suspected it would be about her divergence.

"So, you're… you know?"

"Gay? No. Although I wish I was. Men suck! Plus, women are _so_ much more attractive, even if I don't feel attracted to them, I have eyes." At the stern glare Lara was – unsuccessfully –throwing her way, Keena couldn't help but laugh. " _Yes_ , I'm Divergent, just like you."

"Shh, don't say it out loud." Lara hushed, looking around frightfully. "What if someone hears? We need a code word!"

"No we don't. We just won't speak about it when other people are around."

"Yes, but for all we know there are bugs on this roof!"'

"Than it's already too late now. At least we die with an amazing view."

"Seriously, Keena. Aren't you scared?"

"I'm… _guarded_ , yes. Scared? Not really." Keena relented. "They won't find out if we won't let them. It's like the aptitude test. Back then we did what we did based on what we thought was the right course of action, but we should only make choices based on how we think a _Dauntless_ would respond."

"I thought you didn't do the test?"

"My father erased my first test. The second test I just pictured Eric or Four and thought about what they would choose to do."

"Oh, that's… Actually really smart."

"It's called rational thinking." Keena rolled her eyes. "You would've come up with the same given the chance. I'm sure."

"No. I wouldn't have. It's called _erudite_ by the way." Lara teased, grinning at the shoulder bump Keena gave her before they both returned to their shared silence for a bit.

"Hey Lara, can I ask you something?" Keena asked the brunette. "Why'd you pick dauntless? Instead of Amity, I mean."

Lara inhaled deeply before breathing with her lips pressed together so a weird sound came out. "I guess I figured I can spread kindness anywhere I go, while being brave and having a job that actually makes a difference and protects the city… That's really faction-bound. I wouldn't have been able to protect and fight for what's right in Amity, but I am able to do that as well as being kind in Dauntless."

"That makes sense." Keena nodded her agreement. "And perhaps, spreading your kindness here could be considered even more Amity than choosing to live in that faction ever would."

"Thanks, Keena. That means a lot."

"You're welcome."

Next Day

"Alright, now you guys have finished the physical part of initiation, it's time for the psychological part." Four explained as he walked the group to some clinical looking waiting room. It was impeccably white, awfully sterile and extremely creepy to look at.

"For the next couple of weeks you'll be going through your worst fears and it is up to you guys to survive in the circumstances your own mind provides for you. It sounds vague now, I know, but it will make sense soon enough." Four continued. "The process is simple. Thrice a week you'll be injected with what's called fear-serum. It will put you into a fear simulation of your worst fears. Most people have about 15-20 bad ones, so you can count yourself lucky if you have less."

 _Well, that depends entirely on the fears, I'd say. Ten irrational fears of ten different kinds of insects can't be considered worse than one fear of killing someone, now can it?_

 _"_ The fear simulation will be monitored, meaning that I will be able to watch along as you live through your fears."

 _Oh shit._

"I promise you, everything is strictly confidential."

 _Please, as if. They have to evaluate everything to come up with rankings._

"Your fear simulations will be handled strictly by me–"

 _Great, no Eric._

"-but they will be discussed and evaluated by Lauren and Eric as well. At the end of this stage of initiation, there will be a fear simulation Test in which you will go through your entire fear landscape at once. It will be timed as if it were one big fear, so even if you're fast in 12 of your fears but extremely slow in three of them you can still end up beneath someone who has been average in all of them, or slower but with lesser fears."

 _Alright. I take it back. Having lesser fears is, in fact, extremely lucky._

"This final test of your fear landscape will be directly seen and evaluated by all of the Dauntless leaders."

 _Right. So in the end, the whole privacy aspect turns out to be complete bullshit._

 _"_ As well as Jeanine Matthews."

 _Wait what?!_

Keena's eyes darted to Lara, who was apparently of the same mind as her. If Jeanine was interested in seeing the landscapes, it must have a factor in them that works different on divergents, singling them out like the aptitude test did. Precaution-mode on.

"Also, you can experience some traumatic things in there. It is not obligated, but if you ever feel the need to talk to someone, both me and Lauren are here for you, as is the professional psychologist, Dr. Altman, may you need one. He's from Erudite, but you can find him in the infirmary every Thursday afternoon, or make an appointment for any other day in the week. Any questions?"

 _Yes! Why in hell allow Dauntless leaders Jeanine Matthews to watch their initiate's deepest fears? Does nobody finds it strange that she watches them for the sport of it? I mean, it comes across a little psycho if you'd ask me._

"No? Great. You're names are on the board in the order we will be handling your fears. The times are only an indication since the fears of your predecessors can take up a shorter or longer amount of time. Be here on time, or else you miss a class. Daisy, you're first."

 **FIRST FEAR LANDSCAPE  
WARNING: RAPE (skip to end)**

Darkness.

Only darkness was surrounding her. So much even, that Keena couldn't even see her own hands when she held them in front of her.

Weird. She never feared darkness. In fact, she loved the beauty of it.

For a moment it seemed that nothing scary was about to happen but, of course, things could never be that easy in a fear landscape.

Suddenly a familiar voice started speaking and her blood ran cold. She knew him. She knew that voice and it dawned onto her that she wasn't in a dark room but merely keeping her eyes shut. As she opened them, she came to the conclusion it barely mattered. It was still dark, except for that one stroke of light, fighting its way into the closet through the slightly ajar door.

The cruel voice started off in small whisper, praising her on how smart, pretty and innocent she was. Quickly, however, the voice changed into loud snarling taunts. Keena tried to back up, away from the voice but her body didn't move a single muscle. There was no escaping it now, that much she knew. Unconsciously, her breathing became more and more erratic. She was panicking, knowing exactly what was to come, she'd had this dream on more than one occasion.

Out of nowhere a dozen hands tried appeared, trying to feel her up and hold her tightly pressed up against the wall. They grabbed and scratched and shoved her until the different shots of discomfort and pain slowly turned into one continuous buzz of numbness. Keena struggled in vain while the hands were gripping at her inner thighs, forcing them to open up before touching her there. Other hands scratched long painful fingernails over her naked chest or choked around her neck. The more she struggled, the stronger the grip around her neck became, until she it lifted her entire body from the ground. She was choking, desperate for air as the hand slammed her into the wall over and over again. There was just enough air allowed for her to stay conscious, although she wished that there wasn't. Her vision started to blur and right when she was about to pass out, _he_ appeared in front of her.

She quickly closed her eyes.

"Katharina." He told her soothingly. "My lovely Katharina." He touched her and what was worse, Keena couldn't change a thing. She felt every filthy little touch and heard every revolting groan from the man in front of her. One hand was pinning her hands above her head while another was covering her mouth, preventing her from screaming. She could feel his hard member against her stomach and got dizzy of nausea.

"Open your eyes, little temptress." The voice ordered menacingly while a hand pulled her head up by her hair. "Let me see you when I fill you."

Again, she struggled to get away from his grasp but it was as useless as her previous attempts. As his hold on her throat tightened by her disobedience, she decided to open her eyes in the slightest.

In front of her was the one face she wished she would never have to see again. The dull hairdo, the square glasses, the lean body, the wicked gleam in his eyes as he pushed himself in side of her without warning, hard and relentlessly. She gasped in shock and out of pain and he took advantage of her open mouth by pushing his tongue inside. He released her hands from above her head, knowing she was not about to fight back, the disgusting wicked gleam in his eyes mocking her for being helpless as he thrusted into her.

She could do nothing. He was older. Bigger. Taller. Stronger…  
She was small, innocent, scared.

Except. She wasn't anymore, was she?

She was _not_ the same small innocent girl anymore she once was all those years ago. He didn't seem all that big or powerful to her anymore, not even in the slightest. He might still be older and taller, but she had more muscle. She was stronger. She knew how to defend herself now, she could feel her muscles burning, screaming for her to use them.

Without further thought, she bit down hard on his tongue, making him stammer back with a hiss, pulling out of her in the process. Keena immediately took advantage of the situation by kicking him against his shin, before throwing in another kick against his knee. Weak as he was, he fell down easily enough as she continued to kick him. His eyes were pleading her to stop as he held his hands out in front of him, both in surrender as in a way of protecting his face.

No. She did not feel any pity as she kicked him over and over again until eventually knocking him out with one last blow against his head. As he lay on the ground lifelessly, she spat on him, desperate for all of his slime to leave her mouth. But as she stood there, looking over his more than weak body, Keena couldn't help but to feel ashamed of herself for ever letting such a pathetic excuse of a man take advantage of her. But those days were long since over, _never_ would she be taken advantage of again. Not by him, not by anybody.

And with that thought she woke up from the fear simulation.

 **END OF FIRST FEAR LANDSCAPE  
safe to proceed**

"So," Keena started nonchalantly after a few moments of silence. She had woken up from her first fear landscape over two minutes ago but Four had yet to start talking. Or look at her. He just sat there, behind his computer, typing away. "How did I do?"

Four looked her warily up and down before finally looking up into her eyes.

"You… uh, you did great, Keena. Are you feeling okay?"

"How many minutes did I get?" She asked instead, daftly avoiding the question.

"Only 12. You did good for a first time. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Really, just twelve?" Keena's eyebrows shot up. "I would've guessed longer. It felt longer anyway."

"Keena, look at me." Four ordered in his 'don't test me' voice. And so she sighed and looked her instructor in the eyes.

"Are. You. Alright?" He asked again, carefully stepping closer to her with each spoken word. Keena narrowed her eyes as he closed the distance, Four seemed to hesitate for a moment before bringing both of his hands up to her shoulders.

Bad move.

Quickly removing the last few wires attached to her skull, she shrugged him off and headed for the door. "Anything else you need from me?" Her hand was already on the doorknob and she didn't even bother to hide her displeasure from her voice.

He meant well, she knew that, but she still hated the way he was looking at her: Like she was a beaten down, helpless little puppy.

"I just want to know if you're okay." Four held his hands up in surrender.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Keena asked, rolling her eyes to make him feel like he was reading to much into the simulation. _Which he was._

"Keena, you've just been through one hell of a fear." Four eyed her with a pained expression. "Fears tend to become only more intense and personal as the process continues. This one already seemed extremely personal and intense as it was, let alone for a first fear."

"I don't follow."

"They will only get worse from here on out." Four tried again. "These landscapes are tough for everybody, but with this fear as your first one…"

"With all due respect, fears differ for each individual. Isn't that correct?"

"Yes."

"Then how is it that you find yourself entitled enough to proclaim knowing which fear I should or shouldn't find intense or extreme?"

"Keena. I'm supervising this stage of initiation long enough now to know when fears are based on memory instead of fantasy. If you want to talk about what happened…" He hesitated and Keena quickly interrupted, not wanting to hear more.

"I _don't_."

"But maybe you should. If you–"

"The only thing I _should_ be doing is declining your offer of becoming my unwanted psychologist eleven years overdue."

Keena had wanted to end the conversation with that, but as soon as the words left her mouth she cringed, realizing what she had just been admitting to. Four realized it as well and his eyes widened with horror.

"Seven? You were, seven?" his voice was horse. His posture remained stoic but his eyes told a different story.

"That's quite enough with those pity eyes, Four." Keena managed to sound bored, "I'm sure there are plenty of people in this city who had it worse than I did and are just dying for your pity. Go fuss over them. I do not want it."

She turned her back to him on him and pushed the handle down, but before truly opening the door decided to voice her one last question. "Can you promise me one thing?"

"That depends."

"Don't tell anyone it was based on memory instead of fantasy."

And with anybody, she meant mostly Eric. Hell, if Four's expression was anything to go by… Keena was certain she would rather die than have Eric ever look at her like that. As if she were a weak and helpless thing. The thought of him pitting her brought shivers down her spine.

"Keena, they will see eventually anyway. Plus, we tend to rank memory-based fears slightly higher, so it's more favorable for you if I do."

"I don't care. Just don't discuss it with Eric yet." And quickly adding: "Or Lauren."

"You needn't worry." Four gave her an understanding smile, but she doubted that he did. Understand that is. "No matter how cruel Eric might seem during first stage of initiation, he won't use your fears against you." There was a hidden reluctance in the admission and if Keena hadn't been so stressed out about Eric finding out her fears from Four, she probably would've been amused by it. "Both Eric and Lauren are very professional. There are strict rules about keeping the content of one's fears as secret as possible."

With a lifeless nod she left the room, not feeling secure about it in the slightest. But alas, she had no influence over it whatsoever, so it was best to focus on that one thing she could control: Her avoidance of Eric. At least than she wouldn't have to notice the shift in how he viewed her. She had often caught him staring at her in pride or amazement – you know, apart from his usual suspicious looks and teasing grins. When he had looked at her like that, as if she were some rare fantastical species, she always felt like she could conquer the world… No, she couldn't have been born to see him change his entire opinion on her. She would have to try even harder to avoid him than she had in the past 2 days.

Two weeks later

Five times.

Five times he had singled her out in an attempt to talk to her.  
Five times she had bluntly turned around and sprinted the other way.

She couldn't find the strength to look at him. She couldn't find a voice to speak.  
She missed him, yes, but the constant reminder of her past trauma's was wearing on her enough as it was, she didn't need the added fear of Eric's, well, everything.

For now she just had to focus on herself. Survive initiation and face her fears alone. Besides, it probably was for the best that she didn't see Eric anymore. Or at least, it was a good thing she was spending her nights in her own dorms because otherwise she and Eric definitely would've been found out.

The fear landscapes had everybody on edge, suddenly Keena wasn't the only one with sleep issues anymore. It was annoying really, that she was awake all the damn time, because for some reason the loudly breathing and sweating initiates that woke up screaming in the middle of the night looked to her for comfort. Well, not _her_ in particular, but just anyone who was awake… which just happened to be her 99% of the time.

If they all just woke up simultaneously, they could simply bother each other. That would be great, but no such luck was to be had, _of course_.

That didn't mean she found everybody annoying. Her friends, for example, she could handle without a single negative thought even popping up into her mind. It was mostly Lara anyway, and Lara was too sweet to ever take offence to.

Looking down at the girl in question, who had been sharing her bed for the past two days and was currently using her lap as a pillow, Keena couldn't help but smile. Lara had her thumb in her mouth and was slightly whimpering in her sleep while Keena softly brushed her hair.

 _Flashback one week ago_

 _Keena was on her way to do her second fear landscape when Lara came running her way, apparently just done with hers._

 _"Keena, he knows!" The urgency in her voice told Keena all she needed to know. Four had found out about her divergence. "He said he could tell! He knows, Keena! Four knows that I'm-" before Lara was able to finish her sentence Keena had clasped a hand in front of her mouth, just in time too, since Jasper appeared around the corner Lara had just come from._

 _"Four knows that you're what?" He asked confused. There was no malice in his voice. There never really was when it came down to Lara._

 _"Uh-h. That I'm – That I'm g-gay!" Came the not-so-smooth reply of Lara, making Keena snigger._

 _Jasper gave them both a weird look, his eyes steely and annoyed as they went over Keena, but softening a bit when they landed on Lara. "Well, I guess." He responded lamely before heading off._

 _"You made 'gay' the codeword?" Keena managed between breaths._

 _"It's your fault!" Lara accused indignantly. "You started it by even mentioning it back on the roof!"_

 _"Right, well he didn't buy it for one second, hun, and you know it." Keena shook her head before she suddenly remembered the importance of the situation. "Wait, but how did Four know?"_

 _"I could just tell myself it wasn't truly real and once I realized it was all a simulation, my mind relaxed enough to wake itself up again." Lara confessed. "Apparently people with just one aptitude can't do that, they have to find ways to get out of their the same way as if it were real."_

 _"So, since you're not yet dead or behind bars I take it Four is to be trusted?"_

 _"He told me he is going to help me train, but I'm still freaked out. You could tell I was one without seeing me do any test and now Four can tell as well! How am I ever going to survive when Jeanine is going to oversee my fear landscape?!"_

 _"Lara, I mean this in the best possible way but really, get yourself together!" Keena berated sternly. "You're going to do just fine. You have still weeks to train with Four. By the end of it, you'll be a pro in hiding it. You'll manage."_

 _"Right." Lara breathed, already calming down. "You're right. Thanks."_

 _End of flashback_

Lara hadn't told Keena yet what her new fear landscape of two days ago had been, but Keena could tell it was a heavy one. She had been more jumpy during daytime after this new simulation than with all her other fears combined. Keena silently prayed it was her worst one, because it was difficult to see the usually cheerful Lara withdraw from any form of contact more and more. Crawling into Keena's bed after a nightmare notwithstanding. Keena didn't want to find out what an even worse fear would do with her friend.

Her own process could use a little more action, however. For the past two weeks she'd been experiencing the same fear over and over _and over_ again. It was exhausting really, and also confusing. Yes, the rape was something that had kept her up as a kid, but the more she relieved the fear, the less afraid she got.

After the initial shock of reliving one of her most haunting memories, she was actually glad it happened. She really felt good about it, seeing her former biology teacher through the eyes of her 18-year-old self, made him look pathetic and almost harmless. _Almost_. She still feared what he had done to her, but she didn't fear _him_ anymore – yes there was a difference, a big one: Her fear now laid in the past-tense instead of the present.

Not wanting to dwell on it any longer, she smoothly wiggled her way out from under Lara and got up. She needed to _do_ something. _Anything_ to get her mind so busy so she wouldn't be able to think anymore. About anything, especially Eric.

For a brief second she considered going to the training rooms, but decided against it, knowing that Lara probably wanted to do it with her when she woke up.

Quickly taking a shower as silently as possible she looked at herself in the mirror. The girl staring back at her was almost unrecognizable from the girl that had left Amity only months ago. Her face was pretty much the same, healthier, if anything. Her cheeks were filled out now she was finally able to eat properly and the bags underneath her eyes had disappeared completely, making her eyes look much more lively and bright. It was strange really, since she did physically way more here in Dauntless than she had done at Amity while the bare minimum of sleep had remained exactly the same.

But her unhappiness in Amity had never come from the lack of food or sleep, she supposed. It had always been the mental part that dragged her down. Having to take care of her younger siblings, no matter how much joy it had brought her, had also put her under a lot of stress and pressure. It hadn't been easy to ace her classes, take care of the household and raise children all at once. She wouldn't have changed it for the world, but she silently thanked herself for choosing Dauntless. No matter how selfish it made her, she was glad she only had look out for herself for once.

Keena let her eyes drop down to scan her toned body.

Looking back on her fear landscape she realized that the incident represented a fear of having no control. Or more specifically, no control over her own body. Her fear might've been derived from a memory, but she hoped that, in time, with enough practice and training she would be confident enough in her own strength, making the fear disappear completely. She was already on her way of getting more confident with her body, proud of her defined muscles in her arms, legs and stomach.

Keena was also glad to note that her womanly curves hadn't disappeared on her body either, like they had on many Dauntless women. Against her liking, Keena was a tiny girl, and for someone so short and small it would be painful to have no female forms at all. It would suck pretty badly to look like a forever 12-year-old after all.

Perhaps it really was possible to get over her fears. For a long time, Keena had hated becoming a woman, desperately trying to hide her forms in oversized clothes like the Abnegation did. She would've put her money on it that Abnegation-girls weren't taken advantage of in the way she had been. But years had passed and she had long since found the power in being a woman, robust curves and all.

Quickly dressing for the day, Keena tiptoed back into the dorms, just at the moment Lara shot up in bed, heavily breathing by yet another nightmare.

"Keena?" She asked confused at seeing Keena approaching her own bed. "Did I push you out of your bed?"

"No, not at all. I just came out of the shower." Keena soothed, eyeing Lara's white knuckles as she was still clutching the duvet in a tight grip. "Can I get you anything to relax? A cup of thee perhaps?"

A small nod from Lara was all it took to send Keena on her way. In truth, she was all to glad she had something to do. Just laying around in bed – awake - tended to make her bored, restless and grumpy.

…

On reentering the dorms with two cups of thee in her hands, Keena found Lara fast asleep. She did however notice that Jasper was awake. He only briefly glanced her way before settling his sights on the sleeping form of Lara, all the way on the other side of the room.

Without really thinking about it, Keena walked up to him and put one of the cups on the nightstand.

"What's that?" He snarled.

"Tea."

"What's in it?" The distrust clear.

"Ginger, lime and honey." Keena rolled her eyes. "Rest assured, if I intended on killing you I'd be a little bit more creative than poison." She grinned. "Something more violent perhaps."

Keena couldn't tell for sure but she thought to spot the tiniest of smiles on his face. But who knows, it was really, really dark in here.

"So you just brought me tea?"

Keena nodded. "That's my definition of hot water with a flavor anyway."

Silence.

"How very _amity_ of you."

"Just drink the damn tea, Jasper."

After ten minutes of silence she swore she heard him whisper a tiny soft "Tanks".

…

For the next few weeks, Keena grew more and more frustrated. She could literally feel there were other fears just waiting to get out, but all she got was that stupid same rape scene over and over again.

"Four give me a double shot."

"No."

"But I need to have another fear! I can't prepare myself if I don't know what's coming!"

"Maybe you only have one fear."

"I don't! I can feel there's more."

"I said no."

All Keena was left to do was growl in frustration until she fell back into her – all too familiar – landscape.

January 21st  
 _03.06 am_

"You like her, don't you?" Keena asked Jasper, who was once again staring at Lara's sleeping form.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Well, if the ridiculous possibility would arise that you did like her, you need to seriously step up your game if you want to get her to actually date you."

"Shut the fuck up midget."

January 24th  
 _04.28 am_

"I wasn't trying to be mean the other night." Keena tried again.

Jasper merely snorted in response.

"I really wasn't. I actually think you two would be perfect for each other."

Probably before realizing what he was admitting Jasper answered: "Why?"

It was Keena's time to snort. "Does it matter? You've declared the notion ridiculous." Even in the dark she could feel the murderous glare thrown her way pricking on her skin.

January 31st  
 _02.44 am_

"She would never date me." Came the voice of Jasper, seemingly out of nowhere. Keena had been laying with her eyes closed, so she wondered how he knew her to be awake. "She's too kind to date someone like me. She deserves more."

 _Well, isn't that right._

Regardless, Keena answered him honestly. "Maybe it's because of her kindness she can see past your less than likable exterior."

"Yeah… Maybe."

February 2nd  
 _05.31 am_

"We were neighbors back at Erudite. Friends even, growing up."

"Yes, she told me as much."

"I bet she didn't tell you how horrible I started treating her a few years ago."

"No." Keena smiled, stroking a lock of hair from Lara's face. "No, that she didn't."

February 4th  
 _03.08 am_

"I always thought she was going to be Amity, you know." Jasper sighed. "Amity and Erudite don't fit. Amity and Dauntless even less."

Keena thought about it for a bit before responding.

"So you pushed her away before she had the chance to leave you?" Hell, if that tactic wasn't close to home.

"She would leave and live a completely different life than I would. We would grow apart and the faction-system would've forced me to hate her and everything she stood for eventually. I just predestined my destiny… Or well, so I thought at the time. Evidently I had it all wrong."

"Did it hurt less? Cutting her out by choice during a time you still had the chance to be friends with her rather than be forced to do so later on?" _No, Keena. Don't even go there. Their situation is completely different from the situation of you and Eric._

"I don't think so."

"Then it makes no sense at all that you did."

"No. It doesn't." Jasper relented. "It really fucking doesn't."

February 7th  
 _01.15_

"If I could go back in time and change the way I treated her, I would."

"Stop."

"Hu?" Jasper was genuinely surprised. "I thought you would be happy to hear I regret treating her badly."

"I do, but it doesn't matter what I think. This is about learning what to value in life. Everybody has something in their past that hurts and they wish they could change, but it's _pain_ that teaches us the most valuable lessons in life. Mistakes really do make us stronger and force us to be better prepped for the rest of our lives. There's no point in wallowing in self-pity and lingering on that what cannot be changed. So don't. Move on and be better in the _now_."

"Cryptic for an Amity." Jasper jabbed, but for some reason Keena felt he meant the nickname in jest rather than offence.

"Look, I'm just saying, she's here now. You've been given a second chance and that's more than most people can say about their mistakes. Take it with grace and gratitude, but take it with both hands nonetheless."

"Uh. Thanks, I guess." Jasper stammered, not quite sure what to say.

"Don't mess it up or you'll have me to deal with."

At this he grinned. "Don't I always."

They shared a smile.

February 15th  
 _04.59 am_

"I tried to kill you once."

"Oh Lord, don't remind me. I was actually just starting to almost tolerate you." At Jasper's growing grin she quickly added: " _A bit_."

A long silence followed, both reflecting on the weird but comfortable talks they shared.

"Why are you doing this?"

"What? Breathing? It just comes natural I suppose." Keena joked.

Jasper ignored it.

"Being nice to me? Giving me some really good advice on both Lara and life in general? I have always been awful to you, since the very first moment I met you." Keena could tell he had set his mind on getting an answer out of her, so there really was no point in ignoring the questions. He would keep bothering her until she relented… and so, she did.

In her own cryptic ways, anyway.

"She would never date you if we were not to become at least a tiny bit civil to one another. She's too stubborn and loyal a friend for that."

"My point _exactly_. So again: Why are you doing this for me?"

"Oh it's not for you, I can tell you that much." Keena chuckled. "Has it ever occurred to you that she's not only my friend, but I'm her's as well?"

"All the time, you let her sleep in your bed for fuck's sake."

"What? Are you jealous now?"

"Shut up!" But there was once again no malice in his words. "Seriously though, _why_?"

"I believe you'd be good for her. My own opinions of you hardly matter."

Silence, but then eventually: "How very abnegation of you."

Keena simply smiled in response.

February 19st  
 _03.27 am_

"Tell me you're a vampire."

"What now?" Keena chuckled.

"In all those month's we've shared this dorm, I've never seen you sleeping." Jasper explained. "You're awake when I fall asleep and you're either up or gone by the time I wake up. It's weird."

Keena flashed a secretive grin at him. "And so a vampire I am… _Dork_."

February 21st  
 _04.11 am_

"I'm sorry I tried to kill you."

Keena grunted. She really didn't feel like talking tonight. Four had finally agreed to put in a double dose in her today and as it turned out, she finally went through a different landscape: Her fear of helplessness.

This time, she'd been locked inside her old Amity-living room when she suddenly heard one of her little siblings scream or cry out for her. Every time she tried to reach the door to get to them, the door vanished and reappeared on the other side of the room. The despair in their cries had been utterly awful to hear and Keena had been stuck inside her fear landscape until Four finally manually pulled her out after 45 minutes. She could still hear their cries inside of her head but there was something else, something that made her whole body ache.

It was as if her mind was desperate to reach or remember something, _anything,_ but whatever it was it was not to be reached. Every time she thought she knew, it slipped away to the back of her mind, present but lost all the same.

She wanted to reach it, _needed_ to reach it, but after today Four refused to give a double shot ever again. He thought she couldn't get out because the serum was too powerful, but she knew better, she just had been terrified.

How the hell was she going to pass the second stage of initiation if she couldn't even fucking train?! She needed to find another way and quick, because becoming factionless was just not an option.

"I said I'm so–" Jasper started again.

"Don't worry about it. You're good." Keena told him, hoping that would be the end of it.

It wasn't.

"I've always been glad I didn't succeed, you know. Even on the day itself, right after I tried it…"

She didn't response.

"I don't even remember why I did it, what came over me…"

Again, she met his attempts with more silence.

"I know I come off as a bitter and cruel person, but I never imagined myself to be a cold-blooded killer."

 _Ugh! Must he be so persistent with his nagging?_

"Good thing your throwing skills suck then." She yawned, turning away from him.

"Are you alright?"

"Why? Do you care?"

"You seem on edge."

"Don't pretend to know me, Erudite."

February 28th  
 _03.31 am_

"Are you awake?"

She ignored him.

"Keena?"

Wow, he's using her actual name now? That's a first.

"Keena, I know you're awake."

"Yes, well, I'm trying to motherfucking sleep so shut the fuck up."

 **JPOV**

Jasper took a deep breath before entering the Pitt. He could not believe he was about to do this but it was simply something that had to be done and her stupid friends apparently lacked the brains as well as the eyes to see it for themselves – except for Lara that is, but Lara was just too trusting to ever doubt her friends.

He spotted the group soon enough and made his way over to them. He was met by four unfriendly faces and one curious but guarded smile.

"I-"

"Go away, Jasper." Gale butted in. "We don't feel like any trouble right now."

"I'm not-"

"He said, go away!" Mira crossed her arms defensively, a furrow in her brow.

"I'm worried about Keena." Jasper blurted out, now having 5 dumbstruck faced in front of him before four of them started laughing.

"Yeah right." Mira chuckled. "Good one."

"Let him talk!"

All of them quit laughing at once, turning in obvious surprise to the girl who'd stood up to him. Lara was not paying them any mind however, her eyes glued to Jasper in obvious worry for her friend.

"I think she's having some serious trouble with her fear landscape. She's-"

"Nah, I'm always behind her, actually." Jonah interrupted. "She's in and out that place in no time. I think she's one of the quickest actually." He looked suddenly thoughtful. "Except for maybe that one time a little over a week ago, but everybody has a bad day."

"We appreciate your… _concern_ , but we got her." Maximus gave him a tiny smile. "She's our friend. I think we know her a little better than you do." _Like hell they do._

It appeared he would have to keep an eye on her himself then.

* * *

 **Please review! 3**


	33. Chapter 33: Passive Torture

**EPOV**

Eric wanted to take it back. All of it.

First and foremost, his angry words of needing to take a break. Looking back on it now, two months down the road, it had been the most stupid thing he'd ever done. He of all people should've known how much effort it had taken to get Keena to trust him as much as she did up until that point. It was not hard to see her habit of running from him for what it really was; fear of attachment. But perhaps in time, as she had started to trust him more and more every day, this fear had slowly evolved into a fear of abandonment or something and then Eric had been idiotic enough to tell her to take a break… _fuck_.

Of course, he had tried talking to her multiple times in the past weeks, but to no avail. She pretty much turned around as soon as she caught a glimpse of him. It was a petty excuse and he knew it. Eric could force her to talk to him at any given moment, but for some unexplainable reason he felt like it might be the wrong thing to do. Besides, she was busy with her fear landscape as it was and recalling his own, he really didn't want to add to her current stress.

He got it if she needed space, he truly really did.  
But he hated it all the same.

That brought him to the next subject on things he wished to take back: Ever thinking emotional pain was fictional. Eric couldn't count the times he laughed into some poor girl's face at their so called 'brokenhearted' antics. He had always thought those girls were just a bunch of attention whores and drama queens, hoping their big teary eyes might make him uncomfortable enough to not breakup with them. It never worked of course, if anything he'd been only more repulsed by them.

Not that Eric was all for crying now. He would probably still hate it if an ex-bedpartner would show up on his doorstep crying her eyes out and he certainly wasn't planning on crying himself any time soon. But he somehow did realize now that psychological pain could be even worse than physical.

Because in truth… This shit _fucking hurt_.

It had been one months since their fight, which had resulted in just a little under 5 weeks of her avoiding him and exactly 32 nights of falling asleep in a cold and empty bed alone.

He had thrown out her toothbrush about a week ago, no longer capable to bear seeing it standing there - untouched in that stupid cup on his bathroom sink – every time he needed to take a piss, or shower or brush his own fucking teeth.

She was gone and she wasn't about to come back anytime soon. He would get her back eventually – or so he kept telling himself – but he knew her well enough by now that she would feel cornered if he tried anything before initiation ended. Especially now she knew Alijah had threatened to expose them.

So, he would have to wait until she was ready to face him out of her own free will - whenever the fuck that was – and until then Eric would simply deal with his newfound emotional pain the same way as he usually dealt with psychological discomfort: By smashing his fists until they were bruised and bloody and his brain had only room left to register the physical pain.

"ERIC!" Zeke all but yelled, making Eric snap out of his thoughts. "Sweet motherfucking Jesus." His friend scoffed as Eric took a step back from his friend who laid bloody on the floor in the training room.

Wait, when the hell had that happened?

Zeke had walked in on him punching the shit out of some poor fighting bag and had offered Eric a 'real component'. All Eric could remember was accepting his offer, but after that everything had become a blur. It would seem Eric fought brilliantly on autopilot too.

"What the fuck was that mate?!" Zeke accused offended. "I told you to stop like 5 times! I even used the safe word!" Referring to the official Dauntless safe word 'tomaru' – the Japanese word for 'stop', in honor to some ancient and pre-war Japanese fighting methods the Dauntless fighting methods were partially based on.

"I heard, but I thought you were joking." Eric lied, unimpressed by the incredulous look Zeke shot him. "Seriously, when have you ever needed the fucking safeword?"

"Since you fight like I'm not going to see tomorrow!" Zeke snapped sourly, probably partially because he had just lost the match. "Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you lately?"

Eric rolled his eyes and examined his hands. Usually he would cool them after a match like this, to avoid the swelling, but lately he tended to prefer the throbbing physical pain.

"I mean it." Zeke continued, not taking his silence for an answer. "What's going on? Something with Jeanine again?"

"There's _nothing_ going on." Eric replied gruffly, bitterly thinking about the truth in that statement. He wished there was. "Not with Jeanine, not with anything. Drop it."

Zeke scoffed. "Yeah right, as if I'd believe that. C'mon Eric, you're so uptight lately. Even for you, and that's saying something!" Zeke humorlessly chuckled. "Just this fight alone… It was as if you were in another world, man. You fought like a maniac and barely registered a word I said. It was uncanny! If it weren't for the fact you still totally beat my ass, I'd say you were distracted."

"Maybe just need to up your game." Eric replied coolly. "Seriously, this match was just pathetic." And with those parting words, Eric turned his back on Zeke and headed for the door.

"You know where to find shrink Zeke when you want to talk about it!" Zeke yelled after him in jest, half meaning it though.

"I might take you up on that, right after my period ends and I've had my monthly talk with my psychologist 'piss the fuck off'!" Zeke's laughter died as the door fell closed behind him.

…

"Morning." Tori grimaced as she put her plate of food on the table in front of Eric. "You look like shit."

"Why, thank you." Eric deadpanned. "I do try so."

Tori snorted before unashamedly stuffing her mouth full with a muffin and Eric couldn't help but compare it with the way Keena always ate hers, slowly picking them apart with her finger and savoring each tiny little bite. It took her forever to finish, whereas Tori all but swallowed it in its whole.

"What did that muffin ever do to you?"

"What did Amity do to you?"

Eric raised his eyebrow in warning but when Tori gave no indication of becoming impressed Eric gruffly stood up, childishly shoving her plate of food with his own in the process. He would finish his breakfast in his room.

…

"Enough!" Zeke ordered, storming into his office. "I want to know what the fuck happened." He continued, by now reaching Eric's desk and slamming his fists on it. "What is the god awful thing that Alijah has on you?"

"Alijah has nothing on me." Eric narrowed his eyes at his friend. "Now leave. I have work to do."

"Please." Zeke scoffed in disbelieve. "You do know my job, right? The amount of camera's might have been cut for the sake of privacy last year, but there's still one right there in your hallway."

Eric shuffled through the papers on his desk, searching for one in particular, all the while ignoring his friend. Seriously, why the fuck did his friends suddenly think they could all have a say in how he lived his life? First Alijah, then Tori, now Zeke… Next thing you know and Jeanine would call him out of the blue to discuss feelings instead of business. Eric shuddered at the idea alone.

"But you already know that because you even flipped me the bird once. Nice touch by the way." So Zeke had seen it, Eric was seriously surprised Zeke hadn't mentioned it before now. "Do you really think I wouldn't notice the small figure entering and leaving your apartment every night for weeks in a row?"

"Careful. It's tempting to break your nose when you keep sticking it into my business." Eric snarled meanly, but since he knew Zeke well enough to recognize that look of persistence, he relented a little. "So what? You've found out that I had sex. A lot. You want a medal now?"

"It's not so much about what you had, it's about what you don't have anymore. One minute, you have one of the hottest women on earth in your bed for weeks in a row. Then Alijah drops by, you guys fight and BAM. Gone awesome sex life."

"Your point?"

"What did Alijah do? What does he have on you? If he is–"

"Alijah is _nothing_." Eric bellowed superiorly. "No threat. For anyone. Ever. Even if he had dirt on me, which he doesn't, it's still _Alijah._ "

"That's what I kept telling myself! At first I thought it must've been a coincidence, but now, two months later and you're still sulking in your own cruel kind of way! Why'd you break things of with your little Amity if you're not happy about it?" Zeke asked, genuinely confused.

"Because I didn't." Eric replied simply.

"Hu? But she never comes around anymore? I checked! Then what–"

"No. _I_ didn't." Eric clarified and for the longest of times Zeke just stared at him while Eric pretended to continue working on the paperwork on his desk.

"You mean, she–"

"Yes." Eric snarled, making his friend chuckle.

"That little firecracker." Eric narrowed his eyes at Zeke's obvious awe, not quite liking it. "Who would've guessed, _the_ Eric Coulter, a well-known heartbreaker of countless a woman, gets his heart broken by the Amity. Rejected in cold blood by a adorable looking initiate, no less, and–"

"Shut up." Eric ordered. "And she didn't _reject_ me, she's just…"

"Smart?" Eric's fists were itching to smack that grin of his face.

" _Scared_." He corrected with emphasis.

She was smart too, alright, although for different reasons than breaking it off. Not that Eric would ever admit such a statement to Zeke. They all knew it, but verbally expressing his admiration for the girl… let's just say he would never hear the end of it.

Zeke grew serious again. "You're really serious about her, aren't you?" Taking his gruff and annoyed scowl as a confirmation the cheerful man continued. "Well, if you're right and she's really just scared, you should give her a little space and time. Back in the day when we were fresh initiates we didn't want to be involved in something serious either. Hell, our lives were just beginning! And I mean I was born here! I already knew what life in Dauntless was all about, you on the other hand should know exactly how new, stressful and freeing it is to become part of another faction."

Zeke's words made sense. When Eric came first to Dauntless, he had been working his ass off around the clock to get him to the point he was now. There had barely been any time left for friendships in the beginning, let alone time for lovers. Securing his position had been his priority, other things could wait until after he'd achieved the first.

Eric had wanted to secure that first rank on the board – and he would have, if not for Four's extreme low amount of fears – because getting top scores meant he would be able to create the life for himself he truly wanted. Friends only started to become a priority once he'd secured his position as a leader, and even then, only after he'd mastered all there was to master in his new position: He hadn't wanted to let his new faction down.

So was it really that weird Keena had freaked out once he'd explained Alijah's threat? No.

If he was being completely honest with himself, he wouldn't have as much as granted her a second glance if she'd been in his year of initiation. Probably, anyway. Who was to tell really?

Either way, the point was that Zeke had given him solid advice with his recommendation to leave her alone for a while. She would come around once the dust was settled - or so he kept hoping - and he wouldn't screw it up before she was ready.

So yeah, he got it.  
He really truly did.

But he still hated it all the same.

…

Eric's eyes were glued the files in front of him.  
Or, more specific, to that single picture in one of the files.

"Eric?" Came Lauren's voice, bringing him back to the present. "What do you think?"

They were currently discussing the monthly progress of the initiates in their fear landscapes, trying to determine how to rank them but Eric had long since tuned out. The last thing he'd heard, they were talking about some Dauntless-born named Axel. You know, the mediocre kind of guy that lacked that something special to recommend him, but also had nothing about him to really hate either.

 _Uninteresting_.

"Don't care." Eric settled on, of course not about to admit he had no idea what she was even asking him. Lauren and Four seemed to accept his less than opinionated answer without issue though.

"Alright, it's settled then. Next." Lauren said, grabbing the file Eric had been intently staring at only seconds ago. "How's Keena doing?" She asked Four. "Any luck with the double dosage you would give her this month?"

"It worked. She had a new fear, _finally_." Four sighed. "But she couldn't get out of it alone, so ever since I've refused to give her another double dosage, but she keeps asking about it."

"Why?" Eric tried to sound as casually bored as possible, as if he wanted to get the whole subject over with as soon as possible.

"Something about wanting a fair shot to really train herself in overcoming her fears like the others do." Four responded. "She's convinced she's got more fears, but I'm not so sure she has. Her two fears are pretty intense as they are. It's possible she just doesn't have any more."

"Only two fears?" Lauren seemed unconvinced. So was Eric. "That's unheard of!"

"Unheard of, yes. But not impossible. My number was also unheard of until I came along." _Yeah, and don't I know it._ Eric had to refrain from rolling his eyes. "Her fears up until now seem very realistic. Like they actually happened, maybe the events were so traumatic for her that other fears suddenly became irrelevant to her. Either way, I've been refusing her more double dosages, but, with your consent, I would like to offer her more possibilities to go through her landscape. She seems mentally strong enough to handle it."

"Well, if you truly believe she's up for it." Eric reluctantly relented, not at all liking the idea. Keena might seem unbothered in Four's eyes, but it could be just an act. She was exceptionally good at hiding her real emotions, after all, but he couldn't just tell Four and Lauren that. "I hold you responsible if anything goes wrong though." Eric added, hoping this warning would cause Four to proceed carefully.

Four shot him an annoyed look. "Like you ever cared about the wellbeing of initiates before." He snorted, shaking his head. "But fine. Do what you must. Lauren is it okay if I send her to you for the extra landscapes? I don't want other initiates starting to nag about the option as well and they're more likely to find out if she's increasing her sessions with me."

"Yeah, sure. Not a problem." Lauren complied. "So, other than the fact that some – possible – fears have not shown itself, Keena's doing great right?" Lauren concluded and with a nod of Four she placed the file on the stack of 'top-ranks' and reached for the next file. "Great. Next."

Three weeks later

Eric was walking past Max's office when he heard the distinct voices of Four and Keena in what sounded like a heated argument. His interest immediately piqued, Eric slipped into the room, careful to remain unseen and unheard by the two in argument, although Max granted him a halfhearted nod in acknowledgment.

"Since when can one 'train too much'?" Keena scoffed, crossing her arms in defense. "There wasn't such a ridiculous restraint on the physical part of initiation, so why would there be on the psychological aspect of it?"

Four let out a breathy sigh, looking particularly sad at the girl in front of him. "It's not called training anymore with you, Keena!" He shook his head in frustration, looking hopefully at Max for support.

"Then how'd you call it, Four?" Max asked, remaining his usual calm self.

Keena's back was towards Eric, but by the sound of her voice alone he could tell she was rolling her eyes.

 _"Addiction."_

This answer seemed to make the same impact on the green-eyed girl as it did on Max and Eric himself. He saw her stiffen for the tiniest of seconds before she covered up her discomfort by scoffing.

 _"Right._ I'm not addicted to my own fears, Four. That's ridiculous, I just want to fucking _train_. I should be fucking praised for those efforts, not questioned!" Eric had the gut feeling something was seriously off. Keena was not usually one to openly show her annoyance, let alone have outbursts in front of the leaders. She would smile and prettily bend some truths to get her way, not raise her voice over it.

She only did that when she felt directly attacked, meaning Four might be on to something here.

Max, however, didn't know her well enough for that and turned back to Four. "I think she makes a valid point here, Four. We all know from experience that going through your fear landscape can be extremely hard on us, so if she wants to train a little more than is customary, it only shows her bravery for as far as I can tell. Calling it an addiction is a little rash, don't you think?" He smiled as Keena waved her hand at him to emphasize his point.

Four visibly sulked and looked away in silent anger, already giving up on his point, but Eric didn't miss a beat. He noticed the relieved gratitude displayed in Keena's demeanor and it was too uncanny for him to let it slide so easily. If she was this happy about it, his gut feeling told him something was fishy.

"Thank you Max, for your insight." Eric started, making his presence known as all three faces turned to look at him. His gut feeling got confirmed by the way Keena tensed up and slowly turned around, refusing to meet his gaze. This was not mere avoidance anymore, she was hiding something. "But seeing I'm the leader going over initiation, I'll make the decision."

Max raised an eyebrow at Four in surprise. Eric's best guess: Four had told Max that Eric couldn't be bothered to look into this issue, but they would discuss Four's reluctance to come to him at a later time without an initiate present.

"Keena, a word in private if I may." Eric told her gruffly, disregarding all his earlier resolutions to leave her alone. He wouldn't start about their personal issues, but he still was in charge of her initiation and right now her behavior forced him to intervene.

Eric turned around to lead the way to his office when Keena's voice stopped him. "You know what?" Keena threw up her hands in obvious frustration. "If it's really such a big issue that I want more training then I won't. Problem solved." She rushed passed Eric only to pause when she reached the door. "Thanks for your time, sir." She told Max, and without further ado she left his office.

 **JPOV**

Keena tended to enter the dorms late at night - or to get up early – but this time something felt off. Jasper hadn't seen her all night. She hadn't been with her friends during dinner, nor had he spotted her anywhere near them for the rest of the night. At first he hadn't thought too much about it as she tended to disappear whenever she felt like, but this time… He couldn't explain.

 _Hell, why did he even care?_  
He didn't know her! Not really.

And yet, during their little conversations at night, he had begun to respect her as a person. Hell, if he were completely honest with himself, she was probably the person he was most likely to befriend. You know… If he hadn't been so blinded by his hate for her in the beginning of initiation.

When he'd heard her name called during Choosing Day, he had been sitting on the tip of his chair, eagerly awaiting the annoying monster that must be Katharina Hyde. He had expected her to be rigid and calculated, like all good Erudites were supposed to be. He expected her to be tall and thin, with angular shapes and stiff thin lips, that refused to show affection and barely smiled. He expected her to be anything what he came to see.

Katharina Hyde turned out to be none of the above. She'd been small with nice curves and soft forms, giving her a friendly look. Her skin had been tanned and glowing from the many days in sunlight and her teeth were perfectly white as she smiled. She had looked sweet, innocent and nothing like the cold and calculated nerd he had pictured her to be. He hated her even more for it because while he had been scolded, shouted and abused at by his parents for being a 'failure', she had apparently been living this perfect happy little Amity life. It disgusted him, that someone like her finished on the top of her class so effortlessly? Who the fuck did that bitch think she was?

And then, to make things even worse, she didn't even chose Erudite! She had chosen Dauntless instead. Dauntless! _His_ faction. The beginning of _his_ new life in which he wouldn't be constantly reminded of his secondary scores in comparison to _her_. She had fucked up his life bad enough as it was up until that point, did she really have to bother him for the rest of it too? It truly wasn't fair.

And then, in the train… When he called her out for the bitch she was, she had instantly gained support by everyone, including Lara! Lara of all people should've known how his parents had mistreated him all because of her…

But those feelings of immense hate were now all in the past. He'd dug up enough information about her to know her life hadn't been as sunny and happy as he had imagined it to be. She'd never initiated hateful things to say, but merely responded to his nasty sneers and for the past few weeks she'd been there for him in a way no one had ever been there for him.

She was alright, He knew that now and, in fact, had known it for quite some time, but it had just taken him a long while to get over his initial pride and prejudice against her. But especially since their small talk during sleepless nights, he had begun to truly appreciate her. She was an interesting person and he was glad Lara had a friend like Keena to look out for her.

So where the hell was she now? It was 3.30 for fuck's sake… Looking back and forth between Lara's sleeping form and Keena's empty bed Jasper sighed and sat up straight in his back. 'There better be a damn good reason I come my bed out for you', Jasper thought stubbornly as he put on his shoes.

 **EPOV**

What the _fuck_ was that noise?

It took him a full minute to get out of his dream-like haze before he realized the noise was in fact the sound of someone knocking on his front door. _Loud_ , _unashamed_ knocking at four in the morning.

This shit better be good.

" _What_?" He snarled, opening the door in his boxer shorts, his eyes meeting the guarded brown ones of Tori.

Something was wrong.

"There's been an accident with one of the initiates." Her eyes were perceptive of his every move as she lingered before she spoke the next words: "It's the Amity. Keena."

* * *

 **Alright this was a more boring chapter, but you know, it's important for the story line.  
**

 **Also, I'm going to make Eric a bit more hands-on agressive in the next couple of chapters. I know that in the books he's more pictured like a cool-headed sadist than a hot-headed one, but I figured that with all the new and confusing feelings (worry, care, love, etc.) he has to explode and unload a bit and since he's not really a words-people, he will show it with his strenght more.**


	34. Chapter 34: Fear-Landscape 1

**I know it's been a while and I'm really sorry. I had (have) some personal issues that kept (keep) me away from any form of creativity for a long while I'm afraid. I had the misfortune of going through a small psychosis and all the chaos that comes with it... so afterwards I didn't feel much for writing anymore. And honestly, since the number of reviewers had gone down considerably in the past few chapters, I figured you wouldn't really care much anyway.**

 **BUT... then I got some lovely reviewers asking me to update and, not wanting to let any of you down, I decided to pick it up again. So, for those of you who reviewed: Thank you so, so, SO much, because truly, you guys are the only reason I decided to try again and I have to say I really enjoyed it.**

 **Anyway. Enough about me and on with the story.**

 **EPOV**

Eric barged into the infirmary, heading straight to the IC.

His face was on thunder, he was sure of it, because for once he actually felt the exact amount of fury he always tried to put into his facial expressions for the sake of intimidation. The squealing doctors and nurses jumping out of his way only testified on his current success to achieve just that.

He was going to fucking _kill_ her.

"Where is _she_?" He sneered to some poor quivering nurse, who quickly pointed his finger to a drawn curtain on the other side of the room.

Practically ripping the fabric aside, Eric came to an abrupt halt, because what he saw before him made no fucking sense at all. Jasper. At Keena's side. Holding her hand while his leg nervously bumped up and down. If Eric didn't know any better, he would actually think the boy might've been worried for her.

 _Worried_. _Jasper_. About _Keena_.  
 _Yeah, not fucking likely._

"You!" He hissed with venom, stalking up to the sandy-haired boy whose eyes turned wide in fear. He was probably already imagining his death – and rightly so. "What the _fuck_ did you do to her?!"

Within the matter of seconds, his hand was tightly wrapped around the lad's throat, sufficiently cutting him off all air-supply while simultaneously lifting him up in the air.

"Please." The transfer piped in a choked voice. "I didn't do a-" But the rest of his sentence was cut short when Eric slammed his head against the wall with brute force and pressed his hand even harder against his trachea.

"The hell you didn't." Eric hissed, bringing his forehead against his in attempt to intimidate the boy even further. It worked. Jasper started trashing around and even managed to hit Eric's shin a few times, but Eric couldn't even feel the pain. Instead, he evilly chuckled at the fear in Jasper's eyes.

The boy looked as if he was about to shit himself.

 _Good_. It brought Eric peace to see someone suffer at his hands. It always did. There was something weirdly comforting about inflicting physical pain when experiencing mental despair yourself. It was as if the mental pain could be transferred from his own to someone else's body.

It might not be a pretty quality, but Eric couldn't say he really cared. Not right this second anyway. Somehow, Jasper had been the last straw. When Tori had knocked on his door not even 10 minutes ago to tell him about some accident involving _her_ , Eric had prided himself for keeping his cool. Not one fiber in his body had betrayed the anxiety he'd been experiencing. He had disinterestedly asked Tori what was going on and even managed throwing in a little annoyed sigh as if the entire happening was nothing short of a minor - yet bothersome - inconvenience to him.

After Tori told him she only knew the girl to be unconscious – though for what reason and for how long she did not know – Eric had casually walked back into his bedroom and took his sweet time changing into a more decent outfit before making his way back over to his friend at the door. Hell, he even took the time to lock the door behind him on his way out to convince Tori that he truly couldn't be bothered by the whole ordeal. Except he _did_. And although he put up quite the performance, he realized Tori wasn't fooled.

 _Flashback_

 _Tori watched him through scrutinizing eyes as he casually took out his key. She didn't say anything but the little shake of her head was enough for Eric to realize she wasn't buying his act._

 _Eric wasn't stupid: He knew Tori had had her suspicions of Eric's feelings for Keena way before he himself recognized them for what they were. And while Eric had, long since, come to the same conclusion Tori had somehow ages ago, it sure as hell didn't mean he had suddenly turned into some soppy housewife who loved to gossip and giggle about his love over tea. Finishing his attentions on the lock, he turned towards his friends, his eyes narrowing in on her in a silent warning not to call him out on his bluff._

 _There was just no fucking way he would ever admit to having feelings for her out loud. Not anymore. He'd tried expressing it to the girl of his affection once before and look where that got him... Shooed out of her life with the parting words of 'we're not capable of love' and 'we're not lovable'. Now, Eric wasn't one to wallow in self-pity, but those words stung. Even for him, someone who had actively put in the effort to convince the entirety of Dauntless he was some emotionless monster._

 _Luckily for him – and probably more for her – Tori gave up on the staring contest with a deep sigh. "Fine, pretend you don't care." She rolled her eyes. "Let's just check up on her, shall we?"_

 _Holding the eye contact for a few seconds longer, Eric slowly turned before starting to walk in direction of the infirmary. They walked in silence, Tori passing sideway glances in his direction while Eric stuck by his unfazed façade, taking special care to put some leisurely air into his steps, as if he wasn't the least bit in a hurry._

 _"Should I wake up Four too?" Tori asked him eventually, breaking the silence._

 _"It's protocol." Eric quipped, and he was glad to note the uninterested tone in his voice, as if he didn't care either way._

 _"I just thought you might want a moment to –"_

 _"Four is her trainer. It's protocol to get him, so go fucking get him. I'll meet you two at the infirmary." Tori snorted but made no further commend as they parted ways. As soon as Tori was out of sight, Eric movements sped up to a fast and calculated sprint._

 _He just hoped Zeke wasn't on shift tonight to witness it._

 _End of flashback_

The sound of a garbage bin kicking over made Eric snap back to the present. His hand was still tightly wrapped around Jasper's throat, but the boy by now saw slightly blue in his struggle for air. Jasper's fingers pried uselessly at Eric's fingers in an attempt to loosen his grip from around his neck, while Jasper's legs were kicking into thin air, struggling to get a hold on anything – preferably the ground.

Eric didn't know how long he had been standing in that same fashion – a pale looking Jasper raised in the air while Eric's fingers painfully pressed into the soft flesh of his neck, intending to leave bruises – when eventually he heard the doors behind him open followed by the immediate swearing of Four.

"For fucks sake, Eric." Four growled, although Eric also heard a somewhat amused chuckle coming from Tori. "Let him go."

When Eric didn't listen, Tori intervened. "The boy didn't do a thing, Eric. He was the one carrying her to the infirmary."

"Like _hell_ he didn't." Eric spat. "He threw a knife at her once. In a _fighting_ combat."

Tori's eyes flashed to Jasper with a renewed interest as she recalled the incident that had left half of Dauntless in a fuzz. A slow wicked grin crept on her face as soon as she refocused her gaze on Eric again. No doubt she was celebrating his lack of decorum. _Bugger_.

"Nonetheless. Let him go." Tori repeated, although this time, it seemed more like an uninterested sort of advice: as if she couldn't care less what happened either way.

She probably didn't.

"Eric…" Four tried to warn in an as stern voice as he could muster. It was pointless really. Everyone knew Four wouldn't jump in either way, regardless of Jasper dying or not. _Wussy_.

Still, Eric let go of Jasper and turned around to face Tori and Four, not caring in the least that the boy in question dropped to the floor with a loud thump. Eric knew his own strengths, there would be a solid bruise coloring his neck for the next couple of days – hopefully even weeks. "Explain." He ordered from Tori.

"I came across him in the Pitt, a little under an hour ago." Tori started explaining while her eyes trailed over the boy who was currently laying behind Eric on the floor, being particularly pesky and dramatic with his obnoxiously loud gasps for air.

Eric kicked backwards once, and by the feel of it, hit Jasper full in the abdomen, which naturally made the kid gasp and grunt out again. Though this time in pain.

"Breathe less annoyingly." Eric ordered maliciously. "Or I'll make sure you won't breathe at all."

That shut him up pretty quickly.  
Plus it earned him a nasty glare from Four. _Fun_.

Tori went on unbothered, if not slightly more amused. "Since he's a transfer, I asked him what he was doing in the Pitt in the middle of the night and he told me he was looking for someone. He seemed genuinely worried, Eric, and not even fifteen minutes later he came rushing through the Pitt again, on his way to the infirmary with the Amity in his arms. I'm telling you, he didn't do a thing."

"That's true." Jasper sputtered from behind, finally making his way onto his feet again although heavily leaning on the wall. "She's telling the truth. I didn't do –"

Eric spun around and pressed his palm against the boy's forehead, pushing him back down to the floor.

"Eric." Came Four's useless protest again, both knowing he still wouldn't do shit. Not really.

"Nobody asked you anything, Erudite." Eric snarled. "But since you're so talkative. If not you, who _is_ responsible?"

"I'm pretty sure _she_ is." Jasper snorted unamused. "Take a look at her first, before you ask any more questions."

Although it wasn't smart to talk back to a leader like that, especially when said leader was Eric, Eric had to hand it to him: For someone who'd just been cut off from all air supply, the boy was praiseworthily confident. _Brave,_ one could even argue… Or perhaps it was the lack of oxygen that made him slightly _delusional_.

"Leave or I kill you." Eric threatened in a low dangerous voice, making Jasper gulp before scurrying away. Not that Eric noticed his discomfort. His eyes were glued to the lifeless form in the bed.

Soft blonde curls framed her face prettily, but unlike other times, it now looked strangely misplaced. The warm flush on her cheeks missed, making her skin look more pale than ivory and the fact that Eric now saw her with her eyes closed – for the first time since that night after her first fight with Jasper – did nothing to evade the eeriness about it. She looked like the perfect porcelain doll.

Pretty, small, fragile and lifeless.

Nothing spoke of that burning passion she normally possessed. Her eyes were locked away, refusing to give a glimpse of her intelligence and personality. Eric had to look away, not able to handle the feelings boiling up in him when he looked at her in this state.

"She doesn't look hurt in a… _traditional_ way." Tori stated, wonder clear in her voice. "There are no signs of a struggle. No bruises, cuts, broken bones, swellings or any other trauma."

"Was there any physical injury found?" Four asked a passing nurse as he stepped closer to Keena, tentatively touching her hand. Never before had Eric want to snarl and bark as much as he did then.

"No. No trauma found." The nurse shook his head. "Nothing new anyway. We're just waiting on the lab to process some test-results but if nothing comes out of it we have to reach out to Erudite."

The nurse rushed passed them quickly then, happy to avoid further exposure to the intimidating gazes of his ruthless Dauntless leader and two other high-ranked members. As soon as the nurse was out of sight, they all focussed their attention on Keena again, before suddenly understanding dawned onto Eric.

"Fuck." He breathed, gaining the attention of the other two in the room.

 _No. Oh, hell no!  
She better fucking didn't._

 **KPOV** **  
**FEAR-LANDSCAPE #1

There are two sides to every coin.

Without sorrow, joy cannot be felt.  
Without ignorance, wisdom cannot be gained.  
Without darkness, light cannot be seen.  
And without madness, sanity cannot exist.

Two sides to every coin… and yet, that was not entirely true.

For weeks now, Keena had been living on the lateral of the coin, spinning in endless circles while patiently waiting for the coin to drop. It didn't even matter anymore what side she would end up: Heads or tails. Madness or sanity. It was all the same to her. She was just so freaking exhausted from the little space in between that tossed and turned her upside down, gradually wearing her down until eventually nothing would be left.

Worn out, forever undecided.

That's why she took the serums. It had taken her a while to find someone who could provide her with truth-serum, but her persistence paid off eventually. And now, she was in familiar territory again: It started just like all the other times she entered her fear-landscape: Darkness surrounded her and swallowed her up into oblivion when suddenly a dozen of eager hands appeared in front of her. Hands that would grope, choke and squeeze her.

Four told her once that fear-landscapes wouldn't per definition define fears in the most obvious ways and indeed, in this fear Keena was not so much afraid of being touched as much as she was of the physical helplessness it represented.

Having been through this fear many times in the past two months, Keena by now knew the best way to get through it quickest: First she needed to relax completely, which was a hard thing to do while a dozen unwanted hands roamed freely over her body.

It was as if she was giving her silent permission to the assault, but in fact, nothing could be further from the truth. It was just that her first choice, fighting, simply wasn't an option. The hands weren't attached to a bodies she could kick, hit or bite. She could try and struggle the hands off of her, but for what purpose? What was she to gain? Clarity of mind? A guilt-free experience to her own assault while inevitably exhausting herself? No, the smartest thing for her to do was to save up her energy and wait it out until the man initiating this fear would present himself.

He'd come. He always did. And thus, Keena tried to relax herself and gave herself over to the disgusting feeling of dozen groping hands.

When the man finally appeared – Menno, was his name - she took her revenge. Keena fought him with all her bottled up strength, disgust and burning hatred. Oh, and hating him she did. With her new dauntless muscles, there was no doubt that Keena would, in reality, be stronger than this horror of a man, but for some reason her fear-landscape never allowed her to fight him off before his disgusting body part had entered her.

This wasn't reality after all.

So, for the past two months, Keena had been reliving her rape over and over and over again. What was worse? It was more vividly than ever. Growing up, she'd always had nightmares about it and she spend many nights watching the same scene she was experiencing right now in her dreams. But that's just it. _Seeing_ something in your dreams or actually _reliving_ it in a fear-landscape were two entirely different things. It was different caliber altogether. In here, Keena did not only remember images of it but she could actually _smell_ him. _Feel_ him. _Hear_ him. She was suffocated by the heavy odor of his sweat and cologne mingled together. She was sickened by his touches as he kissed and licked and groped her. But worst of all, she was absolutely nauseated by the sound of him panting as he zipped open his trousers, only to drop them to the floor soon afterwards, and then… the moans that followed when he violently split her open, not caring at all for the complete dryness on her part.

It made her feel sick to the stomach, hopeless, disgusted and incredibly dirty. And even worse, she felt _guilty_. Guilty for something she had _no_ control over. Not one bit. And yet she blamed herself for all of it.

That was the hardest part actually. The self-loath that came with it. Keena prided herself on being fairly intelligent. She could think rationally and didn't let herself be guided by dramatics or indecent emotions – taking after her mother after all, she supposed – but even if her conscious screamed innocence, the small voice in the back of her mind kept telling her she was the one to be blamed.

And for the first time in years, the voice was right. It was her fault.

Of course, not the first time. Not when it all had truly happened to her in real life all those years ago. She was but a child back then, her rationality could easily render her seven-year-old self guilt-free. But _now_ , experiencing it all over again in _her_ fear-landscape – and it therefor being nothing but her own imagination – it was completely her own fault.

If only she wouldn't be so affected by it anymore.

Alas, she had had enough opportunity to dwell on that in the past couple of weeks. Right now she needed to focus. When she was little she might've feared the teacher who raped her, but looking at his image now, he didn't look all that tall, strong or masculine as she remembered him to be, and although he was still quite a bit taller than her, he seemed scrawny all together.

Keena sucked in air as he entered her. Doing her best not to let the pain and nausea suffocate her, she let him loose himself enough for him to loosen his grip on her throat before she fought him off with practiced ease. She bashed her head against his hard, while simultaneously kicking his shin full power. Stammering backwards a bit, he slid out of her, giving her more room to continue her kicks, aiming for his knees that had him fall to the ground with a loud cry. As she continued to beat and kick him, as if hurting him would cleanse her from his touch, he tried to hurry out the room. Crawling taking some of her hits, he reached for the door and pushed it slightly open, but Keena was quicker. Bashing his head in with the door maybe four or five times, he eventually fell to the ground unconscious. Breathing heavily as she stood over him, she looked mesmerized at the stream of light coming from the other room, before moving towards it, stepping through the door into her next fear.

 **EPOV**

"It appears your suspicions were right, Mr. Coulter." Dr. Montgomery told them as she walked back into the waiting room, typing furiously onto the tablet in her hands.

When Keena's situation had turned out to be too complex for the Dauntless nurses to solve – after all they were only trained for visible trauma – they had reached out to Erudite with the request for an emergency doctor: hence Dr. Montgomery.

"Miss Hyde has injected herself with large amounts of fear serum–"

Eric's stomach seemingly filled itself with heavy stones and all he could think was how fucking furious he was at her stupidity. He was so fucking raging mad at her, that he wanted to shake her awake only to beat her unconscious again himself.

 _Fuck_!

"– But I'm afraid that's not all of it. She also engulfed an equally large amount of truth serum orally. It's quite the interesting case, I have to say. I doubt it has ever been done before, even during the experimentation phase back in Erudite with the serums were developed. I will carefully monitor and–"

"Nobody cares, doc." Tori snapped. It was no secret that she hated doctors in general, especially those of Erudite, but even for Tori, this was particularly blunt. She was probably just tired, seeing it was 5 in the morning. "Just be what you are brainwashed – I mean _programed_ – to be: useful and factual."

Even in his current state of slight distress, Eric couldn't help but snort at her aggressive tone. But of course, ever the peacemaker, Four, felt the need to jump in and Eric didn't even try to resist to roll his eyes.

Although, granted, in this particular case, Four's tactic was probably better.

"What my friend meant to say –" Four started, and at this Tori simply raised her eyebrow. They weren't on bad terms or anything, but to say they were _friends_ was also quite the overstatement. "–is that we would like to know what is going on with Miss Hyde."

Dr. Montgomery continued her glare at Tori a second longer before sighing and focusing her attention on Four.

"Well, she all but overdosed on fear-serum, Mr. Eaton. We can expect seizures or a possible cardiac arrest as a response to her fears, but other than that she should be fine."

 _Other than that she should be fine?!_ She was talking about _heart attacks_ for Christ's sake!

"That doesn't sound particularly comforting." Four spoke for him.

"The facility here is well-equipped, the staff fairly educated – albeit not as good as at Erudite of course – and naturally I'll be staying here to monitor everything." The Erudite went on, practically glowing with excitement.

"Naturally." Tori repeated with a snort. "To make her your own little teacher's pet project."

The doctor continued undisturbed, as if she hadn't even noticed Tori's snarl. "The infusion will take care of the hydration but since she was not connected with the computer program beforehand, we cannot get her out of her unconscious state manually now. She will have to overcome her fears herself to get out."

"What if she can't?" The words left Eric's lips before he realized it but noticing the eye roll Four threw his way, Eric figured that his real reasons for asking remained undetected. Not counting Tori's snort, of course.

"She's stronger than you like to believe, Eric." Four snapped angrily, causing Tori to make some strange strangled sound that probably was something between a chuckle and a snort.

"Doubt it." She muttered under her breath after having coughed the sound away ungracefully. It earned her glares from both Eric and Four, although from either man for entirely different reasons.

Dr. Montgomery ignored Four and Tori and simply answered Eric's question. "In that case she will stay unconscious until the serum has worked out completely, which would be, give or take, 72 hours. If she doesn't die first, that is. Now, if you will excuse me." And without so much as another word, the pinpoint lady swiftly turned around, walking back to wherever she came from.

Eric reoccupied his chair next to Tori in the waiting room, who, despite her though act and teasing demeanor, solely stayed for his support, whether she cared to admit that or not. Tori despised the infirmary with a vehement hatred, perhaps even more than Eric himself did… and yet, she'd been right here next to him for the past two hours, sitting in the chair as if it was perfectly logical for her to be there, even if she had no obligation to be there at all.

Not as the leader overseeing the initiates.  
Not as the transfer trainer.  
Nor with any other connection to Keena as a relative, friend or otherwise.

Eric hadn't know what to think of it. It had been entirely unnecessary that she stayed and yet every time he was about to tell her to go home, the words just didn't seem to come out of his mouth. Maybe – _just maybe_ – he had been slightly glad that someone other than himself knew he wasn't there out of pure obligation alone, but out of – Lord, help him – _worry_ too.

Perhaps, for once in his life, Eric was glad that someone didn't think of him as a total emotionless bastard. Very unlike Four was probably thinking right this moment.

"48 hours?" Tori yawned, standing up. "Well, guys, it's been fun. Good luck with your little Amity, I'm off to bed." And with one last encouraging nod at Eric, she left the infirmary leaving both men to sit in silence.

As seconds turned into minutes, and minutes into half an hour, Eric wanted nothing more than to be alone with her. He was still angry – and how – but he also just felt the immense urge to take her hand and whisper for her to be strong and wake up, as if his mere presence might bring her back… But he couldn't very well do so with Four watching his every move.

And thus, he waited.  
And waited.  
And _waited_.

He waited for Four to call it a night too.  
He waited for Keena to miraculously wake up from her fear landscape and tell him she was alright.  
He waited for anything to happen that would allow him to touch her, hold her, talk to her.

Words could only calm him down so much, and so far Montgomery's spoken words of 'seizure', 'cardiac arrest' and 'die' hadn't particularly put his worries to rest. He just needed to fucking do _something_. _Anything_.

"You can go home too, you know." Four muttered eventually, making Eric snap out of his thoughts. "I know you want to."

Eric resisted the urge to laugh in a malicious kind of way. Four had always been particularly _daft_ , but it was not as if Eric was in the position to admit he wanted to stay. Apart from losing his very much feared reputation, what good enough reason did he actually have?

'I want to stay because I used to fuck her, although granted, she doesn't even want me anymore?'  
'I want to stay because somehow she's the only person I might actually love, even if she told me I'm not capable of it?'

Neither options sounded very tempting. Besides, if Alijah was already threatening to tell Max about their unprofessional relationship, imagine the spectacle Four might come up with. At least Alijah was still his oldest friend, whereas Four hated literally everything Eric stood for.

If given the chance, Four would make sure to announce Eric and Keena's little love affair - or whatever he wanted to call it – in such a way that would make Eric the bad guy and Keena the poor abused initiate without a choice. Things would be formulated in such a way that Eric's abilities to oversee initiation – or perhaps even lead in general – would be called into question, as well as his integrity. Rape and sexual abuse didn't know any punishments by law in Dauntless, but if made public knowledge you would be publicly shunned for it. It didn't even matter that it had all been consensual, Four would find a way to get Eric away from Keena ánd have the added bonus of calling his leadership into question…

Moreover, Dauntless members would start asking questions regarding the fairness of Keena's high ranking. Despite what anyone else might think once their 'affair' came to light, Eric had never let his personal feelings dictate the ranking of initiates. Hell, if anything, Eric probably only ever started liking Keena _because_ she was such an outstanding transfer. Not that the Dauntless would take his word for it though.

And thus, with gritted teeth, Eric stood up and made his way out of the infirmary.


	35. Chapter 35: Fear-landscape 2

**KPOV  
** FEAR-LANDSCAPE #2

As soon as she set foot into the room, the door behind her disappeared and got replaced by the image of her living room back at Amity.

Keena sighed as she took it in. It had been what now? 8 months? Since she'd transferred to Dauntless? It felt longer. Hell, this place seemed a lifetime ago. It was absurd. Keena also for the first time realized how much she abhorred the interior. Growing up she'd never really put much thought into it, it had just been home, but eyeing the impersonal look of it not, she'd never been more glad that she'd left.

It was different than one might imagine for a living room in Amity: Usually the rooms were colored in soft shades of yellow and pink and decorated with lots of flowers, green plants, candles, soft cushions and other cosy looking objects. This living room, however, was nothing of the above. The walls and furniture were in shades of grey and white, with the occasional royal blue statement pieces, giving the room an overall clinical feeling. Especially, since the materials used were mostly glass or leather, robbing the room from any warmth it could've had.

No, Keena's mother might not be home a lot, but she sure had decorated it to her preferences. Simultaneously matching it aptly to her personality: Cold, kill, clinical. The only thing that actually added some character the room was the mess: colorful kids books, clothes and toys were scattered all around the room as if a bomb of kindergarten had exploded only seconds ago.

It probably had.

Just as she was about to take a seat on the couch she could hear a baby crying: The youngest, Marilee. Yes, she could tell. Looking around, Keena spotted a door on the other side of the room and made her way over to it, but as soon as her hand was about to make contact with it's handle, the door vanished.

The crying got louder.

Frowning, Keena walked towards the door near the fireplace, but again, as soon as she reached it, the door disappeared.

Marilee's cries were joined by Dylan's now.

Whipping her head around, Keena looked for any other door. In real life there were only two, but this wasn't real life: Keena was sure she could trick her mind into thinking there was another one.

Relieved when a third door appeared on the other side of the room, Keena made a run for it. Only to see it vanish into thin air when she reached it.

Aaron joined the crying.

Keena noticed how the first door had reappeared and swiftly moved over, but the same thing happened and all the while the crying got louder and louder.

It was chilling her to the bone to hear her siblings cry out for her, but the stupid doors just kept disappearing on her. As the crying grew more and more persisting and was joined by the eldest two - Oliver and Thomas – as well, Keena grew more and more frustrated.

"Is this your way to punish me?!" She yelled to no one in particular, although it was probably directed at her own mind. "Is this my punishment for leaving them?! For wanting a life of my own?! SHOULD I HAVE FUCKING STAYED?!"

When the crying grew louder and into screaming sobs, she had her answer: Yes, she definitely should have stayed in Amity.

"Keena! Keena! Help!" She heard her siblings scream from the other side of the wall. One started screeching. Like a genuinely scared-to-death kind of screech.

Fuck.

Temporarily stopping her sprinting towards doors, Keena tried to decide where the cries were coming from. Settling on the wall near the fireplace, she picked up a candle and hammered it against the wall.

"Can you hear me?!" She yelled on the top of her longs? "Thomas, Oliver, can you hear me?" She called out, hoping one of the two oldest might be in their right minds enough to listen out for her.

Instead of getting a proper response, the cries turned into shrieks and screams.

They needed her! Her sweet innocent siblings needed her help and she couldn't even get out of the fucking room and help them?! How was this Dauntless?

Trying for the doors again, Keena sprinted as fast as she could while black spots appeared and clouded her vision. She knew she wasn't thinking clearly: running obviously wasn't helping, but try and think of a strategy when the people you love most in this world are at the other side of a fucking wall, screaming their longs out in pure panic. This weren't just a few you-got-me kind of screams. No, these were outrageous and petrified kind of screams and all Keena could do was listen to it.

If this were real, her heart might just shatter.

Keena didn't know how long she had been chasing the magically disappearing doors, when she eventually had to stop to catch up her breath. Her fear-simulation self, knew that she was absolutely worn-out and that proceeding would be potentially dangerous. Her rational self though, knew this was just a fear-simulation and physical exhaustion did not truly exist in here, did it?

So, she ran on... Until she passed out.

 **EPOV**

"What is happening?" Eric demanded to know. He was secretly experiencing quite a bit of panic on the inside, although on the outside he was remaining his impeccably calm and bored self.

"Get out of the way." Was all dr. Montgomery said as she reached for the defibrillation paddles.

Nurses escorted Eric out, while Keena got a shock.

 **KPOV**

"WHAT?!" Keena yelled when she woke up. She didn't have the power to stand up just yet, so she settled for a position on her knees while she focussed her attention to the ceiling. "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" The sound of her brothers and sister crying out to her was too much. "SAY IT!" She screamed, grabbing some ugly vase from a nearby table and throwing it against the door in front of her.

Of course, the door disappeared in time, though the vase shattered against the wall.

Damnit. All of her attempts were pointless. Hell, this entire situation seemed to be doomed from the start. How was a test like this supposed to test her Dauntless-skills? She couldn't do anything! The sim prevented her from any kind of logical step. She was just locked up in this room with no way out, forced to listen to her siblings cries for help.

 _How was that Dauntless?_

Suddenly angry, Keena started throwing whatever object she could get her hands on and smashed it into pieces against the doors – or walls, technically speaking.

"JUST TELL ME WHAT TO FUCKING DO!" She screamed, boiling. "SAY IT! I'LL DO IT!" her anger was cracking now. "I will do anything! Just make it stop!" She was blatantly crying now. "Make it stop... Please." Keena sniffed, pulling her hair in despair. "Just tell me and I'll do it. I'll do anything." By the end of it, her voice was not even above a whisper.

But the cries continued.

And so, with a heavy heart, Keena tried the one thing she had yet to try: Nothing. Just as with the hands in her last fear, she let control slip away and surrendered herself to the feelings of helplessness, despair and self-loath while she numbed out the screams and cries for help of her siblings.

 **EPOV**

Eric's night off was spend with friends in the Pitt, hoping that they might be able to get his mind of one particular initiate. It didn't work. As conversation seemed to flow around him, Eric found himself caught up in his own thoughts and it made him fucking furious.

Why couldn't she just wake the fuck up already?!  
Why in hell did she even take those damn serums to begin with?!

Alright, fair is fair, Eric knew exactly why. He had watched the progress of her second stage of initiation closely – albeit from behind the screens, especially after Four's requests to give her more: More serum, more practicing trials, more anything. Eric had been overseeing the initiation for 4 years now and never had Four asked for anything even remotely similar for people who struggled in the second stage of initiation. There was not a single shred of doubt in Eric's mind that these ideas did not originate from the trainer himself.

Four simply didn't have the brains to think twice about existing systems. Sure, when he disagreed strongly with something – like the policy on Divergents – Four would side-step a few laws to make sure everyone would make it out alive – yes, of course Eric knew about that – but Four didn't have the balls or brain capacity to actively change anything on his own when no one was in immediate danger. The fact that he kept asking permission to him and Lauren for the smallest things spoke volumes of that. Hell, the guy probably would even seek permission to change the throwing distance of the targets by an inch.

The ideas must therefore, unsurprisingly, come from Keena herself and this naturally had piqued Eric's interest. Following Four's journal on the process of the initiates in their fear-landscapes, Eric knew that Keena kept having the same fear over and over again, and although it was not an uncommon occurrence that real-life traumas tended to reduce the number of fears one experienced in a fear landscape, just _one_ was unheard of.

Keena herself also kept persisting how she just _'knew'_ there was more than the one fear she kept going through and with the double doses of fear-serum she'd gotten from Four, she had, indeed, experienced a second fear. Yet, also this fear wasn't quite enough for her. Still convinced there was more.

Four on his turn kept discouraging the possibility that something worse was out there. He couldn't possibly wrap his puny mind around something worse than being raped by a pedophile teacher as a child and if Eric hadn't gotten the full story of Keena's life afterwards, neither would he in all likelihood.

But he had. He had gotten so much more information on her life, and although there were big blanks, gaps and holes in the story sketched out for him, it was enough to keep him up at night sometimes.

 _Flashback_

 _"Something wrong?" Keena asked, not diverting her eyes from the book in her hands. How she kept reading him so effortlessly was a mystery to him. No one read him like she did._

 _But how could he tell her what kept him up tonight? She had mentioned her siblings earlier that evening. It had been nothing more than a passing remark. Something along the lines of 'I used to do that with my siblings back in Amity sometimes', nothing special and yet… it had triggered something in Eric._

 _His mind flashed back to the photograph Martha had given him, the one of Keena and her siblings in the sandbox. He had safely put it away in a cabinet at his office, waiting for the right time to give it to her. But so far, there had never been a moment even remotely close to that. When the hell was the right time to give it to her? When her own brain stopped deceiving her? That could take ages, if ever. And what if she would never remember her trauma on her own account? Was he just supposed to go along with it for the rest of his life? Could he even do that? And if he decided to tell her, how would that go? How would anybody convince anyone that their worst nightmare had, in fact, already happened to them, even if they had no recollection of it?_

 _But those were all concerns for later he supposed. There was no reason for him to actively try to remind her of some horrible truth before initiation was over. It would only get in the way of her initiation process. She could get distracted by grief, confusion or hatred, and then there was no way of telling how focused she would still be on her training. No, she needed to secure her future first, before dealing with her past. Besides, there was always the chance that in second stage of initiation, her traumas would unfold themselves in her fear-landscape, so worrying about 'what if's' now, really was a waist of his time._

 _But that didn't mean it sucked any less._

 _"No." He lied gruffly. "Should there be?" His words were unfairly laced with his irritation. Irritation directed at himself and his own thoughts, not her, and yet she was the receiver of it._

 _Keena raised an eyebrow and Eric waited for her to quip something back at him, but it never came. Instead she opted for a brief lick of her finger before turning a page in her book. The unspoken question hung heavy in the air though. It was obvious she had wanted to know what had bothered him enough to keep him up, tossing and turning, for the past two hours, but against all odds and for whatever reason, Keena decided not to pry._

 _For a moment, Eric just watched her from out the corner of his eye. The light shining from the lamp on 'her side' of the bed – wait… they had established sides now? – casted a yellowish hue over her face. He liked watching her read. Her eyes always conveyed any and every emotion she felt. Every surprise, every shock, every sparkle of hope and happiness. She would occasionally sigh or chuckle, but for the biggest part of it, her mouth would be slightly open, in a relaxing – and tempting – kind of way… Not now though. Now, very unlike other times when she had been reading, her lips were compressed into a thin and rigid line while a small furrow appeared between her brows._

 _"You're mad." Eric coxed, not quite knowing why he was trying to rile her up even more._

 _She really had done nothing wrong. She had asked him a question out of concern. Which he had on his turn – and beknown to both – answered with a lie. And instead of calling him out on it like she usually did, she had extended him a curtsy in granting him his privacy. Something he both valued and appreciated._

 _So why the hell did he feel like giving her shit for it anyway?_

 _"Or at least a bit irritated." Eric coxed further._

 _Keena sighed and somehow Eric could just feel her rolling her eyes. "I'm not mad, I was curious."_

 _"Right. Curious why I hadn't fallen asleep yet, right?" Eric spat viciously. "You don't have a monopoly on insomnia, you know."_

 _"Jesus, Eric. You usually fall asleep within 30 minutes after sex." She stated matter-of-factly. "Excuse me for wondering why you couldn't fall asleep tonight."_

 _"What? You're so keen on slipping out in the middle of the night that you actually count the minutes before I fall asleep?" Eric snorted._

 _"That's not what I meant –"_

 _"You can leave any time you want to –"_

 _"I know, but that's not what I –"_

 _"- whether I'm asleep or not –"_

 _"Eric."_

 _"- because I don't give a fuck about what you do."_

 _The second the words were out, Eric wanted to take them back. Well, that and punch himself in the fucking face for saying them to begin with. He watched as something heart-shattering flashed into Keena's eyes, but not quite in the way he would've suspected. _

_In the past, when Eric had said similar things to girls he'd been sleeping with, the girls had all looked crestfallen. Yes, some had been better at hiding it than others, but one by one, they had all taken the offence personal and as a confirmation of their own shortcomings. Naturally, Eric had never felt the need to let them think otherwise. But now… Keena once again proved to be nothing like other girls. She didn't get mad, nor did she look crestfallen or offended in any way. Instead, something infinitely worse happened._

 _She looked enlightened._

 _Eric watched as a slow – albeit humorless – smile crept on her face while she shook her head in a barely perceptible way. It was as if she'd been trying to solve the toughest puzzle on earth and finally succeeded, but could not quite believe she finally did it. She was not per se overjoyed by the solution, but at the very least she seemed relieved that all the puzzle pieces seemed to fall into place once more. As if the world finally made sense for the first time._

 _"Join the club." She chuckled darkly, more to herself than to him. "You know, if you don't want to tell me what's been bothering you, that's fine. But don't throw a tantrum simply because you missed out on your precious naptime." She slowly closed her book and placed it on the nightstand before shifting to get up. "Or do. It's your house and I'm leaving anyway."_

 _His hands pulled her back onto the bed as fast as she had sprung out of it. Quickly, caging her body in by crawling on top of her, trying to look her in the eye – hoping his eyes could convey how badly he wanted to take the words back – but she kept avoiding his gaze. "Don't." He growled._

 _For a second, she just laid there: still and silent underneath him, actively trying to look anywhere but at him. Eric lowered his head, kissing the soft spot on her neck he knew she was a sucker for, but it didn't work. Hell, it had the total opposite effect. She started to struggle against him, trying to push him off, which on Eric's turn, only made him tighten his grip on her._

 _"I thought I was allowed to leave anytime I wanted to." Keena stated emotionless, and before Eric realized what was happening, she had kneed him in the balls, effectively making Eric release his grip on her as he reached for his crotch._

 _Keena quickly made used of the brief distraction and pushed him off of her with the intend of getting up, but before she had even reached the edge of the bed, Eric's arms were already there, enveloping her small frame completely as he pulled her back against him into back. This time spooning style._

 _"Being allowed to and me letting you are two entirely different things." He told her, placing soft kisses all over her upper arm as his right arm was securely wrapped around her naked waist, preventing her from escaping again._

 _"Gee. My mistake." Keena bit back sarcastically, obviously still annoyed with him._

 _"Sorry." Eric murmured against her shoulder before giving the spot a little kiss. "You were right, I was acting childish." He saw the muscles on her face soften a bit, although the gleam in her eyes remained just as stubborn._

 _"No shit." She bit._

 _"You didn't deserve it."_

 _"No shit." She stated again, this time with a reluctant little smile playing on her lips. But it wasn't enough. Eric needed to fix this._

 _"Keena." His voice dropped an octave or two to his – what Keena had once proclaimed his – 'beehive rumble' (which until this day made no sense to him whatsoever, although the sweet smile on Keena's lips had been more than enough to go along with it anyway). It was unintentionally done, he had just opted for a serious voice but somehow this came out and the effect was immediate: Keena's big green eyes shot to his, regarding him in equal amounts of curiosity as doubt._

 _"I lied." Eric started, half chocking on the words. He was nervous for what was to come, but It should be said. For some reason, he could not let her think he 'didn't give a fuck' about what she did for one moment longer than she already had. "I care. I do. I care so much it terrifies me sometimes. I care so much I'm ashamed of it. I sometimes try to stay awake as long as I possibly can, just because I like having you here next to me. I like having you here when I fall asleep and I like having you here when I wake up and I hate that I always have to choose between one of those scenario's instead of having them both." Eric sighed and stroked one curl out of her face, twisting it between his fingers and he watched the confliction in her eyes. An inner debate whether she should believe him or not._

 _"You're always on the go, Keen. Somewhere to come from, somewhere to go and I can't stand it. If I had any say in it I would never – ever – let you leave this bed ever again. I-I-." He choked on the words. He thought them, for sure. He knew he did 'L' her, but somehow knowing it and saying the words out loud was still a whole different caliber. "Just know I care, okay?"_

 _Her puzzle fell apart._

 _But despite the confusion and doubt again clouding her eyes, the warm smile on her lips was ten times worth all the solutions in the world._

 _"Keen?" She questioned with a challenging raise of her eyebrow, and before Eric had time to regret all his words said, her lips attacked his._

 _It didn't take Eric long to return the passion her hot wet tongue seemed to convey. He let her dominate the kiss for a bit as she climbed on top of him, her ringlets falling down around their heads in a golden halo. They were both still naked, and Eric's member was rapidly growing to it's full size as she grinded against it while their mouths kept clashing._

 _Keena grabbed the back of Eric's head and pulled him up with her, until they were sitting upright, with her straddling his lap. Eric's mouth left hers, favoring the taste of her neck instead. Scraping his teeth along the pale flesh, Keena sighed content, digging her nails deep into the skin of his shoulders. Eric's hands pressed into her form as he followed the shape of her silhouette, all the way from her shoulders to her ass, before lifting her up, only to lower her onto his member again._

 _They moaned in unison._

 _Everything turned pretty fevering from there out on. Keena rode him at an agonizingly slow pace, impaling herself time and again as their hands clutched and clinged to each other as if their lives depended on it. Eric released one of his hand from their grasp on her full ass, preferring to divide his attention with her front as well._

 _Lowering his head even more, he took one stout nipple into his mouth, flicking his tongue over it a few times before setting his teeth in it as Keena threw her head back in ecstasy._

 _"Yes!" She gasped. And he punished her for it by shooting his hips upward, impaling her even deeper._

 _"Eric!" She screamed in surprise._

 _Now, that was more like it. His name was all she was going to remember by the end of this. He rewarded her with another flick of his tongue. She continued to ride him slowly though, which was more than fine with him. The longer this took, the longer he had her with him for the remainder of the night._

 _Just then, Eric caught sight of her heavy lidded eyes, watching him play with her breasts. He got the sudden urge to be even closer to her – which was impossible seeing that he was already inside her._

 _Roughly picking her up at the bum again, he flipped them over until he was laying complete on top of her. Every inch of her milky white body was covered with his own as he filled her up with his cock, continuing the slow peace previously set by her. He claimed her mouth once again, this time the kiss being more slow and sensual as both savored every moment of it. Her hands tentatively grabbed his arsei, in a bold attempt to push him further into her as he rubbed their transpiration-covered bodies over each other._

 _She was so, so wet, Eric had to actively stop himself from coming too soon. Although honestly, every time was really too soon with her._

 _"Eric." She moaned into his mouth as their tongues danced around each other. "More."_

 _She was just as desperate for release Eric was, but he wouldn't give in. Not yet. He was sure that as soon as she came, he would follow straight after and honestly, this heaven could continue for years without boring him._

 _"No." He rumbled sternly, driving his cock into her wetness with a little bit more force this time._

 _She gasped in ecstasy. "Eric." She pulled back from their interwind mouths, clasping her teeth at his earlobe instead. "I care about you too." She whispered in his ear, her horse voice driving him insane._

 _"Fack it!" He growled, sliding out of her before picking her once again up by her – damn delicious – ass and maneuvering them until her back was pressed against the headboard of his bed. Her legs quickly wrapped around his hips, securing their position as he slammed into her again, relishing in the way she screamed out his name._

 _"That's right, little dauntless." Eric growled as he fucked her tight wet cunt. The headboard slamming onto the wall only adding to their spur. "Say who's fucking your tight little cunt like no other ever has."_

 _"You, Eric! YOU!" Keena screamed, her nails completely buried into the flesh of his back and upper arm. She tried to lull her head backwards, but since the wall was already there, she just let it hang in a strange angle._

 _Eric's left hand continued to clutch the soft skin of her ass, while his other came up to cup the back of her head. He brought his forehead against hers as he looked her straight in the eye._

 _Ice blue meeting bottle green.  
Nothing else had ever made so much sense as right than and there._

 _"Your pussy is MINE." He growled, plunging his cock deep inside her before retracting it._

 _"Your body is MINE." He hissed, impaling her again._

 _"Your mind is MINE." He dived forward again, loving the way how Keena released sweet little noises with each trust, all the while nodding at him in agreement to his words._

 _"Your heart is mine." The words came out as a whisper instead of an order. The silent question clear in his eyes. In response, Keena lowered her gaze to his lips for half a second before coming up to meet his gaze again, determination clear in her eyes._

 _And then… slowly… She nodded her agreement._

 _Attacking her luscious lips in a bruising kiss, Eric continued to thrust into her with immense force, electing all kinds of delicious moans and screams from her. Feeling her approaching orgasm, he lowered his hand from her head and slid it between them, helping her over the edge._

 _She screamed out his name as she came, taking him right there with her as his strokes slowed down and both their bodies shook in contentment. Bringing his hand back up to cup her cheek, they locked gazes for an unknown – yet considerable long – time. Eventually however, their cooled down bodies were in desperate need of the warmth found under the comfort of Eric's duvet._

 _As Eric drifted off to sleep with Keena safe and soundly clutched to his side, he didn't even mind she would be gone as soon as he woke up. He had her now, and instead of focusing on all the things he didn't (yet) have, he sure as hell was glad for all that he did._

 _End of flashback_

So, yeah. Eric was beyond furious. Yes, at Keena, for being so irrationally stupid as she had but, first and foremost, at himself. For one, he shouldn't care and think about her as much as he did, but mostly… he should've told her about her siblings way sooner. Perhaps even as soon as he'd found out. Consequences be damned. Looking back on it now, his former argument – that it hadn't been 'his place' to tell her – seemed nothing short of lazy and insufficient either. After all, when had he _ever_ cared about socially desired behavior like that?

Exactly. Never.

Sure, there was no way of knowing what telling her would've made her do either, so perhaps this had been the best choice after all… and yet, Eric couldn't shake the feeling that he should've told her. That perhaps, if he had, she wouldn't be laying in the fucking infirmary right now.

Truth serum and Fear serum mixed together? Well, the girl never left anything over to chance, that could be concluded with a certainty. But Eric had already known that of her, hadn't he? She'd been the initiate building muscle in the training room hours before the rest would even leave their beds. She was the initiate that knocked out her first opponent during a fighting match with such a precise skill that it left no doubt over her immaculate knowledge in the human anatomy.

Yes, Eric should've predicted this. Seen it coming. Keena had been giving so many signs that she wanted to _know_ what her fears were. He should've listened better. Given her more in a regulated way, instead of trying to hold her 'safe'.

He could've prevented all of this.

Frustrated he looked at the bottle in his hands. He needed a damn drink stronger than the beer he was currently holding. Giving in to his urge to throw the bottle against the nearest wall, it shattered in a million pieces while conversation around him seemed to stop.

Eric returned their stares unfazed with a steely stare of his own – challenging anyone of the bystanders to intervene, which none of them did obviously – before spotting a random initiate close-by.

" _Candor_." He sneered at the boy, who flinched in both fear and confusion. Not a candor then, it appeared. "Clean this mess." Eric continued with a snarl, nonetheless. "And when I get back I want to see this place so fucking spotless and glass-free, you can wipe your ass off with it."

Without another word, Eric stormed off, although undecided whether to head for the liquor store or the training room.


	36. Chapter 36: Fear-Landscape 3

**Dear readers, followers and reviewers**

 **I hope you're all enjoying the story so far. If you find the time, let me know what you think of it. Criticism is a good thing and requests are always welcome (although I make no promises).**

 **As for those of you who have already reviewed: Thank you so much for your support! It really means a lot to me and every single one of your messages brings a smile to my face (which ultimately leads to me updating sooner, so if not for me, do it for yourself! haha). No, for real, I am _so_ grateful.**

 **Anyway, reviewer or not: I hope you will all enjoy the next chapter! It does mention child-death and corpses so if that's a trigger for you, you'd better skip to 'TPOV'.**

 **Anyway, on with the story.**

 **Love.**

 **KPOV** **  
FEARLANDSCAPE #3**

Keena didn't know how long she had been subjected to the horrific sound of her crying siblings, but eventually it stopped. She had been sitting in the furthest corner of the room, covering her ears and trying to control her breathing, because after all, that's what helped her during her first fear when she had needed to calm herself down too.

Opening her eyes, Keena was surprised to realize the living room was still there, although instead of being alight like before, it now seemed to be evening and the lights were still off. Standing up and dusting of her clothes, she let her eyes adjust to the new-found darkness when a movement outside caught her attention.

Intrigued, Keena moved over to the window, taking special care not to show herself. Peeking around the curtain, she noticed a male figure on the other side of the street, watching the house and although she could not make out his face in the dim streetlights, something about his stance was awfully familiar to her.

A chill run down her spine when, just like that, he disappeared and suddenly reappeared in front of her, his hands pressed against the glass as his red-rimmed bloodshot eyes looked at her angrily.

"You." Keena figured to lipread, as the man tapped his finger accusingly against the window. "You, you, you-you-you." Scarlet tears started streaming down his face, slowly painting his cheeks the same deep dark red.

The tapping of his finger changed into the pounding of his fist. "You made me do it. You!" The man yelled now so hard she could actually hear him through the glass. "How could you?!"

Keena stumbled back a bit at the venom in his voice. What had she done to him? Had she even done anything, or was he just a madman? She didn't know him, right? But then why did he seem so awfully familiar? Tripping over a toy, she fell to the ground simultaneously as the man's voice seemed to come from everywhere and anywhere in the house, as if he were on speakers. Gripping the chair next to her in support to get up faster, Keena noticed bloodstains on her hands. Checking her hands for any injury but finding none, her eyes trailed the blood all the way up her arms, down her breast, stomach and legs only notice the pool of blood she was currently sitting in.

It was still warm too.

Her eyes shot to the man at the window in horror and shock, but he'd disappeared. The only indication he'd ever been there was the bloody handprint he left on the window, smutched out like some horror movie. Averting her eyes away from it, Keena suddenly found the entire house seemed covered in blood. The thick dark burgundy liquid was smeared on and dripped from the walls and furniture, congregating into multiple big piles of blood on the floor. In contrast with the white and clinical interior of the room, it seemed like an eerie slaughterhouse.

Having been too distracted by all the blood, Keena hadn't even noticed that the man's voice had seized chanting his accusations, but she was reminded of the lack in noise, when something infinitely worse replaced the brief silence. The voices of her siblings were back. Although this time, they weren't crying.

"You did this!"

"How could you?!"

"I hate you!"

"You are nothing to me!"

"Liar!"

Every one of her siblings' voices seemed to echo through the room, all chanting different, yet equally awful things to her. Just when Keena figured things couldn't turn more horrible, something fell from the ceiling – or sky, to be exact, since the ceiling had miraculously disappeared.

Moving closer to the object, Keena started to scream.

On the ground in front of her, laid the lifeless body of Aaron. A gunshot wound in his skull, blood dripping from his mouth. Keena's first instinct was to back away from it – _him_! – but she clumsily tripped over something behind her (yet again), falling backwards onto the floor.

Or, well, she _would've_ , had she not fallen on top of the lifeless body of Dylan instead. One of his eyeballs had been ripped out while a large gaping wound on his throat was still spilling blood. Keena opened her mouth to scream, but her throat suddenly felt way too thick and dry to form any sound. Instead she threw up on the spot, quickly scurrying off her very much dead baby brother.

Corpses continued to fall from the sky and unfortunately, it didn't stop after one of each sibling either. No, quickly the entire floor was somehow filled with corpses as they fell down like rain. All dead, all being her siblings and all with horrible malformations and deformities afflicted to their person. It was one thing trying to keep her wits together and not throw up every two seconds, it was another to keep her head 'above water' and not somehow get buried under a dozen of her dead siblings. The ongoing audible jabs – manifesting in her siblings' accusations – didn't help much either.

"We trusted you."

"You were supposed to protect us."

"Failure."

"Look what you did!"

"We hate you!"

"This is your fault! And you will never be able to fix it!"

"Enough!" Keena chocked in a strangely high-pitched voice, as the molested and lifeless form of Marilee fell onto her shoulder before joining the stack of other bodies Keena was currently standing on.

Her dead baby-sister just fell on top of her… _Her baby sister's corpse just fell on top off her._

This wasn't real. This wasn't real. _This wasn't real!_

On the brink of hyperventilating, Keena had the common sense to realize she really needed to get out of here before next time a corpse would fall on her head and knock her unconscious or worse.

She needed to _focus_.

Maneuvering herself over the carpet of bodies, Keena reached the window and used her elbow to smack through it, not caring for the shards sticking deep into her flesh.

"Leaving us again?!"

"Murderer!"

"You'll never outrun what you did!"

" _You_ deserve to die!"

With a shuddering last breath, Keena forced her body through the window opening, somehow enjoying the feeling of the glass cutting into her skin.

After all… she deserved the pain.

 **TPOV**

Tori made her way through the dancing crowd, trying her best to sidestep all the hot and sweaty bodies that would try to grope her. She loved this place normally, although granted, 'normally' always had included a lot of alcohol and sober the Basement just lost a lot of its appeal. Plus, today she was on a mission.

The mission of getting some ruthless leader's ass the fuck out of here.

Pushing past the last few bodies, she finally reached her destination: the VIP lounge. Word had made its way through Dauntless that Eric had been accepting all fights in the ring down here. 'The Basement' was _the_ underground club in the very center of 'the Maze' (where the annual Christmas Party took place). It was a club with a lot of organized fighting combats. As soon as two people had a disagreement over anything really, they fought it out here. For hundreds of people to watch and bet on you or your opponent: You just announced it to the DJ, he would flip the music and everyone knew to clear the area right in front of the DJ-booth.

It was a popular and efficient way to settle – non-illegal – arguments, especially amongst friends. The winner won whatever he and his mate had been in an argument over, so everyone could continue the rest of the night without drama.

Eric however, seemed to have been provoking all kinds of people into combat. In a non-too-friendly way.

Five of them had already ended up in the infirmary, which was a _lot_ since most Dauntless, especially when drunk, preferred to just drink or sleep the pain of their losses off or decided to self-medicate with a little help of the local drugstore and their First Aid kit. Tori could only guess how many more victims of Eric's wrath where out there, currently sulking and licking their wounds in the privacy of their own home.

Eric had taken on fights in the Basement before, but this – knocking them out cold and sending them off to the infirmary – was a whole different level.

"There he is." Zeke nudged Tori in her side, nodding his head to the left before walking off in the same direction.

Tori followed his lead, taking in the sight of a very intoxicated Eric, bloody and bruised with some scarcely dressed blond straddling his lap, while three other girls surrounded him.

"Looks like someone's having the time of his life." Zeke laughed as he plopped down on the couch next to one of the girls. "Do you mind, love?" He asked the pretty brunette, waving his hand dismissively away. An unmistaken order for her to get up and leave.

The brunette pouted prettily as she looked back at Eric, hoping to find some form of protest in him, but when she realized he wasn't paying her any mind she huffed and stormed off.

While Zeke scooched closer to his friend, Tori remained in her standing position on the other side of the table, watching the scene unfold. Zeke had – according to himself – a much better way of dealing with Eric than she had and honestly, after seeing this scene in front of her she was good just watching.

She had too little patience to deal with not only a drunk Eric, but three giggling whores as well. They looked like a bunch of fence-guards with their minimal sized muscles and pedicured nails.

They probably were.

Watching Eric for a second, nothing really seemed amiss though. At least, not in the way Tori had been expecting when she first heard the rumors of Eric fighting countless of men – and two or three women – down here tonight. She had expected more _damage_ , more _blood_ , more _anything_. But for someone who'd just send five guys to the infirmary, he looked impeccably untouched himself.

Then again, he _was_ Dauntless' most feared leader for a reason.

But sure, for the outsider Eric looked the perfect part for the fucking brute and ruthless leader he always was. He was sitting in the VIP lounge with his bloody shirt on and a split open lip. His knuckles were covered in blood as well and he had a bunch of pretty girls surrounding him, one even on top of him… Yes, if that didn't scream 'most feared Dauntless leader', nothing did.

And yet… something felt off. He might look like he always had, but then she would be dismissing the past few months. This was the Eric she knew, yes, but it was the Eric she knew from before the Amity had come along.

Had he really changed that much since her arrival? She supposed he had. The changes had been made gradually, making them barely perceptible to spot, but she supposed he hadn't been seen a lot in the clubs these days, nor had there been rumors of yet another conquest of him in tears because he was 'already' fucking someone else, or didn't remember their names. He had been less violent and aggressive – which pretty much equaled happiness in Eric's book. So yes, the more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that Eric really _had_ changed over the past few months.

All he'd probably was trying to accomplish was reclaiming a part of his old self.

Not that that was working out for him. He might tolerate the blond on his lap, but it was obvious he wasn't paying her all that much attention, instead opting to look at the glass in his hand, swirling the amber colored liquor around.

In his own brute way, he looked fucking miserable.  
Although it was a miserable with style, she'd give him that.

"Eric, the fuck are you doing?" Zeke stated lamely, snatching the glass out of Eric's hand and drinking it empty himself. Well, so much for his 'tactic' in handling Eric.

"Get your own drink." Eric snarled, trying to sit upright before realizing there was still a blonde on his lap. "What the fuck do you want?" He snarled at her.

"Baby!" The girl shrieked, before whispering something in Eric's ear, conveniently pushing her double D's flush against his chest in the process.

Eric grimaced, but still nodded before both of them got up. "We're leaving." He told Zeke.

"Splendid!" Zeke cried in jest. "You're place? My place? Her place?" He looked at the other two girls on Eric's other side that had stood up as well. "Their place?"

Eric snorted unimpressed. "You wish."

"What? Three for one?" Zeke sputtered undignified, a hinge of jealousy in his voice. "That's hardly fair. Besides ladies, I really wouldn't want to go there if I were you." He told them, taking in their appearances one by one. So Zeke had noticed it too.

The girls were all blondes, and all reasonably small and thin build for a Dauntless. Not as extreme as the petite Amity perhaps, but the alikeness was there.

"And why's that?" One of the other two girls asked in a weird sultry kind of voice. "If any guy can handle all three of us, it's Eric, I'm sure."

"Oh, no doubt." Zeke grinned at Eric's angry face from his position on the couch, not even bothering to get up himself. "IF he gets it up in his intoxicated state, I bet it will be lovely to hear him scream another name."

The blonde at Eric's side looked over at Eric. "You know our names, don't you baby?"

Poor thing. Eric didn't even try to look ashamed.

"Nope."

The three girls looked at each other for a moment, before they shrugged. "No mind. He can call us anything he wants too." One giggled, before taking his hand and pulling Eric behind them.

Tori sighed. It appeared this was all coming down on her again. Grabbing his arm as the group walked past her, Eric turned to look at her.

"Wu." Eric acknowledged, his eyes burning holes through her. "You here too? What a coincidence." His words were practically dripping with sarcasm.

"Coulter." Tori nodded back, knowing her eyes conveyed all he needed to know. She would make his life a living hell if he went with these girls. She couldn't exactly tell him that, Eric didn't take well to orders after all, and especially in public _no one_ did go against Eric. Unless you had a dead-wish.

It didn't matter how good friends you were. Out in public, Eric was not to be argued with. He was the leader. His wish was your command. If you wanted to accomplish anything from him, you needed to convey the message without challenging him. That would only have the adverse effect.

Tori held his gaze steadily and he read it just perfectly.

"Girls, why don't you go ahead. I'll come later."

"But you don't even know where we live yet." One complained.

Eric's eyes snapped to her, his signature glare in place. "Leave." He hissed authoritatively.

Naturally, they hurried away. Everyone would. Even Tori would know not to fuck with him on a time like that.

"So, what is this?" Eric snarled, plopping back onto the couch. "A fucking intervention of sorts? No sex? Mommy, daddy, pray do tell, do I have a curfew as well?"

"Are you daft?! We did you a motherfucking favor." Tori snapped back at him.

"Favor?! You call that a favor?!" Eric barked. "I was about to have some mind blowing sex with three pretty girls. As far as I'm concerned you just cockblocked me." His eyes flashed angrily at Zeke. "You both did."

"Yeah, because a foursome is exactly what you want right now." Tori rolled her eyes.

With the second Eric was off the couch and in front of her, his hand painfully gripping her upper arm as he stared her down. "Don't pretend to know what I want." He hissed dangerously.

"In case you hadn't noticed, those girls were the spotting image of the Amity, Eric." Tori growled back in a hushed tone to avoid people from hearing her name. "How's that supposed to help you, hm? Fucking three smaller-sized blondes, while the one you _actually_ want lays in the fucking infirmary!"

"That's her own doing." Eric stated, although all the anger had suddenly evaporated from his voice. "Besides, she has made clear what she wants and it sure as hell didn't align with my wishes. So now I make new ones." And without another word, he marched off.

"Don't worry. He's going home." Zeke told her from his position on the couch. " _Alone_."

"Yeah, I know." Tori sighed, making her way over to him and plopping down next to him. "It's just weird I had almost forgotten this part of him, you know?"

"I know. Me too." Zeke chuckled, shaking his head before standing up and holding his hand out to her. "C'mon let's grab a drink. This place is rubbish without one."

Tori chuckled and slapped his hand away. "You go get it, loser." She ordered him. "I did all the work back there."

Zeke's eyebrows shot up. "What? You want to say my good-cop, bad-cop tactic didn't work? I planned this all out, love." At her raised eyebrow he threw up his hands in defeat. "Fine, fine. What do you want?"

Tori grinned. "Something _strong."_


	37. Chapter 37: Fear-landscape 4

**EPOV**

"So how's Amity doing?" Tori asked during dinner the next day. "Awake yet?"

Eric simply glared at her. Shoving an over-full spoon of peas in his mouth, hoping to kill any conversation before it even started.

"So, you still haven't gone back to check on her, I take?" There was a strange pitch to her voice that had Eric look up from his food into Tori's calculating eyes.

"And why the hell _should_ I?" He snapped back annoyed. His question had been rhetorical, but Tori answered him anyway.

"You know that answer as well as I do." She hissed, somehow seriously pissed at him. It made him wonder when Tori had suddenly started to care for Keena, because they sure as hell weren't friends. "You can keep up this tough act all you want, but we both know you care." She continued.

In the corner of his eye Eric noticed they were attracting some attention from the others at their table.

"Maybe I just don't care _enough_." Eric shot back, impressed with how convincingly the words slipped out of his mouth and for a second, the words seemed to impact Tori as well. Her doubt was short-lived however, as her scrutinizing gaze swept over his face, intently watching his every muscle while Eric simply continued his ministrations of spooning peas into his mouth.

This, all the while glaring at his raven-haired friend.

Eventually, she spoke. "Eric, you don't have to pretend with _me_." Luckily, her voice had dropped to a mere whisper, ensuring nobody other than the two of them could hear her. He had to hand it to her, Tori might be annoying as fuck but at least she was being discrete about it. "I've been your friend since – what – kindergarten? At least to _me_ you can just admit that you care for her." She furrowed her brows in concern. "I know you like being the ruthless leader, Eric. But we're _dauntless_. _Brave_. Not _emotionless_. Go see her, Eric. I mean it. I'm _worried._ "

At this Eric snorted a humorless, yet surprised kind of snort. There was simply no way Tori actually felt anything other than a sheer impassive curiosity for Keena's wellbeing. He doubted they ever even talked.

" _Right_." He drawled out.

" _Not_ _about_ _her_ , you loser." Tori scoffed back, somehow reading his thoughts. "I'm worried about _you._ " She emphasized, a little too loudly, causing the rest of the table to fall silent in attempt to overhear the rest of their conversation too. Tori either didn't care or didn't notice and continued unbothered. "You're angry all the damn time. You've been fighting in the Basement again and –"

"Tori..." He growled in warning, really not wanting to hear any more of her 'perceptive' observations, but the raven-haired girl continued unbothered.

"– You've been having bags under your eyes for _weeks_ now and don't even get me started on –"

Eric was seriously grateful for her presence the night Keena was brought to the infirmary, and he was even slightly glad at her interference the night before with the blondes, but that _didn't_ mean she could suddenly annoy the _fuck_ out of him. She was walking on very thin ice now. He kicked her shin hard.

"Ah, shit! Damnit Eric!" She hissed. "Was that really necessary? I was only trying –"

"ENOUGH." Eric bellowed, shooting up from his seat and making his way out of the dining hall. His outburst had drawn the attention of not only his table but also the rest of the dining hall. "Go baby someone else, _Victoria._ Preferably yourself." He used the name only her brother George used to call her and the effect was immediate: Hurt flashed her eyes, as she too stood up and hurried behind him.

"How dare you." She spat and Eric whirled around.

"Oh, that's right, isn't it? You're just the pot trying to lecture the kettle. Once you've got your own shit figured out you can stick your nose into someone else's business, but until then: Keep your fucking mouth shut."

It was no secret to anyone who knew Tori well, that she still had a hard time dealing with the loss of her brother. So much even, that she hadn't even attended his cremation. Nor had she come to pick up his ashes afterwards.

It was a Dauntless mourning tradition that all Dauntless members would be cremated in fire and released in natural forces (wind or water) afterwards. The latter to allow them to live a life of excitement, adventure and bravery even after their deaths. Depending on the career of the deceased soldier, the ashes could be either set free in the wind behind the fence (for soldiers defending the fence), on the roof of the tallest building in the city (for those working patrols and interacted with other factions), or it could be carried away with the water of the Chasm (for those who spend their lives inside the Dauntless faction only).

It was up to the remaining relatives – or in case there weren't any, _friends_ – to see to this, but up until now, amply 5 years after George's death, Tori still hadn't set his ashes free. Even while Eric and some other friends had offered to do it with her or for her, she just hadn't found the courage in her to let him go completely. And thus, she had all told them no.

"How dare you!" Tori repeated while her fist came out to hit him in the face but Eric was quicker and caught her wrist before violently throwing it back to her, making Tori stumble and fall backwards onto the table they'd occupied only seconds before.

Well, she should be glad he didn't do more than that. Without another word, Eric stormed out of the dining hall, on his way to hit the shit out some punching bag.

…

"You were out of line." Came a voice from behind, two hours later.

Eric didn't look up from his ministrations to the punching bag. "So was she."

"She's just worried." Zeke tried to reason. "As am I."

"Bunch of bullshit." Eric snarled, pounding his fists into the fabric repeatedly in a rapid attack. "I'm great. Don't hold your breath on my account."

"Or perhaps you could stop acting like a _child_ throwing a damn tantrum every time you feel emotionally inept. You're allowed to be angry, sad, worried, or _whatever_ it is you are – or aren't – feeling. Just don't take it out on those who are trying to help you."

"Or _perhaps,_ I don't fucking want your help." Eric snarled, still with his back towards Zeke.

" _Apologize_ , Eric." Was all his usual jovial friend told him. "I mean it." Not waiting for another defiance on Eric's part, Zeke left the room, leaving Eric yet again alone with his thoughts.

…

Approximately two hours, one shower and two apologies later, Eric entered the infirmary. Although he still didn't understand why Tori made such a big deal out of him visiting Keena or not, he supposed it couldn't hurt to check up on her. He _had_ been particularly violent for the past couple of days and being with Keena had always had a strangely calming effect on him. Perhaps her being unconscious wouldn't matter.

It did.

Just when he was about to enter her room, familiar voices held him back from doing so and instead he opted for hiding in the shadows on the other side of the wall. He counted four voices: The impertinent Candor girl – Mira – the nugatory Erudite boy – Maximus – and two of the flirty Dauntless-born guys – Boris and Dante. Eric could look inside the room just enough to see the latter two boys sitting on either side of the bed, _holding her hands_ as if it was the most natural thing in the world for them to do so.

Didn't they know Keena hated meaningless touching like that? If only they knew how long it had taken him to touch her in a non-professional or non-sexual way, without her trying to evade his touch.

To Keena, touching was a means to an end only. A fight-or-flight ultimatum. With training touching was allowed because she gained knowledge of how to move her body and hold positions in the best way for combat. During sex it was allowed because – well – without it things tended to get pretty difficult to accomplish.

But it had taken him _months_ for her to trust him enough to be okay with him touching her for the mere purpose of touching. He liked stroking her hair or just holding her hand when they were reading on the couch together. He had never felt the urge to do so with other girls he slept with, and yet with Keena it almost felt like an absolute _need_.

They had both explored this particular new sensation of 'a lovers touch' together. Her, mostly escaping his touches in the beginning, and Eric proceeding carefully because he secretly had been insecure about the whole ordeal himself too.

 _Yes, that's right, have a laugh. Eric, the big bad Dauntless leader had felt unconfident about something as silly as touching._

Honestly, it had been weird an unsettling. Eric had always been a physical guy. Fighting, sex, forceful handling... he did it all without thinking twice about it, but when it came down to small and gentle touches…? He hadn't even know where to begin. He didn't know the first thing about love or being gentle and yet he had wanted to try with Keena.

They had build it up together. He, in a way of initiating the contact. Keena in a way of letting him instead of evading his touches. So, to witness now how her stupid fucking friends were just disregarding all of that process without a single thought about it, practically throwing themselves at her, claiming her tiny cute little hands as their own to touch... as if they had any rights!

They had _none_.

He wanted to storm in there and drag them away from her, but the sensible part of him told him that would be very bad indeed. People might find out. Hell, why was he even here to begin with? When other initiates were unconscious he sure as hell wouldn't take the time to check up on them. Yes, when they were conscious again, he might step by once to punish them for their cowardness in their combat or something like that, but other than that, they were not worth his time.

Conflicted Eric swirled around, ready to march out of that god awful infirmary when he suddenly found himself standing eye-to-eye with another of Keena's friends: The meek Erudite girl – Lara – who was watching him with an unhidden curiosity.

" _Erudite_." Eric snarled in a way of greeting, already moving to sidestep her.

"She'll be alright, you know." Lara told him, her eyes holding a kindness Eric wasn't used to receiving.

"Excuse me?" Eric raised one eyebrow, his piercings moving along with it.

"Keena. She'll be alright." Lara repeated with a small smile, making Eric wonder if perhaps she knew more than she should. "She's a strong person. She'll be fine."

"And _why_ are you telling me this?" Eric sneered. "Do you really think I _care_?"

The poor girl blushed and stammered on a sentence that would never fully form, because without another word, Eric had already stormed out of the infirmary.

 **KPOV  
** FEAR-LANDSCAPE #4

Instead of falling onto the dirty ground of her front-yard, Keena found she fell into a clinically white room instead, slipping into some kind of dentist chair that conveniently broke her fall. For a second, Keena just laid there, calming down from the horror scene she'd just escaped, eagerly taking in her surroundings in an attempt to forget what she just witnessed.

The room was, on closer look, not as much white as it was a soft pink. Yellow smiley faces and red hearts painted the walls and the ceiling, but other than that, the room looked empty. Deciding to stand up, Keena felt herself held back by a gentle hand on her shoulder. Whipping her head around, she came eye to eye with a lovely looking Amity woman who gently smiled down at her.

"Don't worry, dear. You're safe here." She whispered sweetly, softly stroking a lose ringlet behind her ear.

For a split second, Keena believed her. The room – although not her personal taste – looked harmless and inviting enough. Very _Amity_. But all of the trust left her body when the woman took out something from behind her back. Keena's eyes widened in fear and she struggled to get up to get away from the monstrous injection needle, but before she could, the needle had already entered the soft skin in her neck and she could feel the warm pink liquid dissolve into her bloodstream.

"Shhh. Don't worry, sweetheart." The woman soothed, in just as sweet a voice as before. "We will make you feel better. I promise." And with that, the woman suddenly dissolved into thin air.

Keena wanted to cry. Or scream. Or both. Yes, definitely both. But for some reason she couldn't anymore. The images of her dead siblings had not yet left her memory, but instead of morning them, all she could do was feel happy. This was disturbing. How? Did that woman really just drugged her up with peace serum?

Closing her eyes in an attempt to regain her wits, Keena felt a tickling feeling on her knee. Opening her eyes, she noticed a vulgare sitting on that very same spot, tilting his head slightly and looking her straight in the eye. Wanting to scare the beast off, Keena wanted to punch the enormous bird, but soon noticed her arms and legs were contained by cuffs now, withholding her from pushing the bird away.

 _This can't be happening_ , she thought bitterly. Mentally, Keena was in a state of serious distress, but physically, the smile on her face somehow just refused to disappear. Another vulgare just popped up out of nowhere and soon after another one appeared.

Not much time later, their feast began. They started to pick at her, their sharp beaks cutting through her flesh easily. Keena wanted to scream, feel pain, anything. But instead, all she could do was laugh out loud. She laughed and laughed as the beasts picked her apart, ripping out her organs. There was blood, so much blood and inside she was screaming for help, but outside she was shrieking in ecstasy. The smileys and hearts painted on the walls seemed to turn into 3D images, moving towards her from their positions on the walls. The heart was even beating along with the rhythm of her shrieks and laugher.

Keena's head was spinning. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to puke. But instead she did what she had done by all her other fears. She closed her eyes and let herself relax, reluctantly giving in to the torture until it would disappear.

And then, eventually, blackness overcame her and then… she woke up.


	38. Chapter 38: Silence before the Storm

**EPOV**

"Come in." Eric drawled bored from behind his desk in response to the knocking sound on his door. The door opened slowly and soundlessly before the head of his secretary carefully peeped through the opening. Poor woman. After he had lashed out at her yesterday, she hadn't dared to approach him at all anymore, let alone enter his office. There must be something _really_ pressing for her to collect her courage enough to disturb him.

"Sir. It's the girl. The initiate. She's awake." Without waiting on a reply she hurried out the room again and Eric didn't even try to stop himself from rolling his eyes at her pathetic display. How that woman still wasn't used to handling his bad moods after two years of working for him remained a mystery to Eric. It hadn't been the first time he'd sneered at her and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last. If she couldn't handle that she should find another job.

It wasn't until the door closed behind her, that the words finally made sense to Eric.

Awake. Keena was finally awake. That's what he'd been silently praying for these past four days, right? He should feel relieved or glad or excited that his wish had been granted, and yet he couldn't quite comprehend it's meaning yet.

Yes, she might be awake, but in what state? Four days trapped into a fear-landscape was not nothing. Not to mention her freaking _heart attack._ There could be all kinds of complications as a result of that. He was raised an Erudite. He'd researched.

Eric was in dubio wether or not he should go check up on her, but eventually he decided it would be best if he didn't. She probably wouldn't even want him there anyway. She had avoided him for weeks before she passed out and just because he had been inquisitive about her well-being in the past couple of days, that didn't mean they were suddenly back to how they once had been.

Sighing, Eric looked at the clock at his office wall. It was a little over five pm, meaning that Keena's friends were all free and probably hovering around her bed anyway. There would be no room for him there. She was awake, that's all he needed to know. He sure as hell didn't need to check up on her: He was a leader. She an initiate. Checking up on her was way below his status anyway.

Determined not to think on it any longer, Eric focused his attention back on his paperwork, but it turned out to be in vain. No minute later, his mind had already drifted back to the petit blonde in the infirmary bed. She had done that to herself. There was no reason for him to worry about her because of her self-inflicted issues. Hell, he had the right to be _damn furious_ at her, since she had disobeyed both her trainer _and_ leader. Causally breaking Dauntless rules!

In fact, had she been any other initiate, he would've already been there, making her known of her punishment for her severe disobedience. So... that's what he should be doing right now as well! Properly angry again, Eric jumped up from his chair and stormed out of his office. Yes, it might be below him to check up on her, but he sure as hell had the authority to punish her for her disobedience.

He would make sure she regretted the day she'd ever chosen Dauntless.

…

Upon entering the infirmary, Eric – indeed – found all of her friends there, but instead of them hovering around her bed, he found them all sitting in the waiting room. Strange, although perhaps a nurse was momentarily examining her.

Not that he cared enough to ask.

Setting his mind upon entering her room with the same amount of fuming anger he'd felt when he'd left his office, Eric threw open the door before coming to an abrupt halt.

 _Sweet Lord, someone really had it out for him today_. Sitting on the edge of her bed, was none other than Four: One of his hands holding Keena's hand, the other one tentatively cupping her cheek. Keena on her part looked entirely unresponsive. She might be sitting up straight and with her eyes wide open, but it was clear for all to see that other than that, she was in the same state of consciousness as she had been for the past few days.

Eric saw red.

Her friends he could handle, but not _Four_.

He supposed it could all be blamed on their fundamental difference: Eric was through and through Dauntless, whereas Four was an abnegation inside and out. It was no secret to Eric that Four had actually scored abnegation on his aptitude test, and even if Eric understood there were circumstances where people shouldn't pick the faction of their aptitude, he found that those people should at least try to live up to the standards of their chosen faction, whether they agreed or not.

Four didn't do that.

Sure, the guy could fight reasonably well and he did only have four fears, but it was his _attitude_ that got on Eric's nerves. Four seemed to always look down on everything that was happening around him, but he was too much of a coward to openly come out for it.

Where Dauntless were all for physical action and being straightforward. Four was more stealthy and underhanded. He would never just come out for the things he disagreed with. No. Goody-good Four felt too high-and-mighty to settle disagreements the way every true Dauntless did: through combat. He was too 'selfless' to hurt anybody, unless it was for a greater good. He would only use force when absolutely needed.

Noble? Perhaps, but it also made it damn difficult to put arguments behind you, when you couldn't fight it out and get it out of the way and over with. Over the past couple of years, all of their smaller disagreements had piled up into this big bunch of unresolved issues, making it impossible to bury all the ill-will now, if ever. Eric sometimes wondered that perhaps if they had settled things straight away, they might've overcome their differences... Or not. Probably not.

Four _was_ and always _would_ _be_ a big wussy after all.

But the biggest issue that bothered Eric wasn't their unresolved differences. No. It was how Four was always busy finding some protege he deemed worthy of protection. Four couldn't help it either: As an abnegation, his whole being probably ached to help and tend to others, but seriously Dauntless was the least likely faction to find people for that.

Dauntless believed people should toughen up through life experience, but Four was a nourisher: He always needed someone weak or small he could protect against the big bad world. Eric absolutely despised that. If you were a Dauntless, you should be able to take care of yourself, regardless of your gender. If a friend needed help, he or she would ask for it or you would offer, but you did _not_ go around like Four, actively searching for someone who fitted his fetish role of the weak:

The bird with the broken wing.  
The abandoned pup.  
The wounded deer.

The hopeless case.

The women who made it into Dauntless were just as capable of protecting themselves as any given man was, but Four always sought out some fresh female initiate who hadn't had the time and experience to figure this out for herself yet. With his offers for help, he tricked them into thinking they were weak. Sure, he told them they had potential, and they could flourish, but only ever with _his_ help.

Eric despised him for it. Always had and always would, but this... Seeing Four talking to Keena in that fashion? His dirty abnegation hands all over her? It made him want to puke.

Keena would _not_ be his weak little puppet.

"Leave." Eric ordered, his voice the perfect authoritative sneer. When Four's head snapped in his direction, Eric steadily met Four's gaze but he still noticed from the corner of his eye how Four enveloped Keena's hand with both hands now. "I don't know what the hell you think you're doing, but _leave_. That's an order."

" _Now_." Eric bellowed, his face as stoically as it had ever been while never averting his gaze from Four's.

 _How dare he?_ How dared _anyone_ fucking touch her like that? Did any of those retards she called friends and trainer even know her at all? She didn't like to be touched like that! And if she did, not by anyone of those fucking idiots.

"Keena, I'll be right outside." Four whispered to the still motionless and unresponsive girl.

"You _cannot_ deem her factionless." Four hissed as he passed Eric on his way out. The venom in his eyes was clear, but Eric couldn't care less.

 _That's right. Finally think you found you're precious new project of a weakling, hm? Well, you're wrong. Not Keena. Not on my watch._

"As a matter of fact..." Eric challenged, while his entire demeanor took on his steel mask of indifference. "I can." He relished in the way Four's jaw set, clearly angered by Eric's words.

Without another word but with one last look at Keena, Four stormed out, muttering something that sounded an awful lot like 'I'll be filing a complaint by Max' along the way. Eric snorted and quickly locked the door behind him before making his way over to Keena, who hadn't moved a muscle the entire time.

Kneeling down by her bed, he uselessly noted that even on his knees, his eyes were still at the same height as her chin was. Slowly trailing his gaze upwards, he tried looking her in the eyes, expecting to see what he always had. Big green sparkling orbs highlighted by her golden flecks and fueled by an intelligence never to be underestimated. Even when she temporarily lost herself inside her own mind from time to time – and her eyes glazed over in that specific way they sometimes did – he had always recognized a certain passion boiling just below the surface. She was never _too_ far gone. Always alert enough to snap back to attention at any given moment.

Sharp. Intelligent. Perceptive.  
Reflexes quick like a fox.

That's how he knew her. That's all he'd ever seen… Until now.

Right now, their locked gazes seemed to be a one way street only. Her eyes were glassed over in a way that told him she'd gone far deeper than just below the surface. This time, she seemed swallowed up by the depths of the deep dark ocean, suffocated by her own fears.

She might be _awake_ , but she was far from _present_ and it didn't take Eric much imagination to come up with a scenario that might've presented itself in her fear landscape.

She _knew_. She _remembered_. Hell, she probably _relived_ her siblings' death. She had been trapped inside her worst nightmares for approximately 48 hours and it wasn't until now she finally had the time to process what it all meant… And then to think he'd come here to 'punish' her.

Eric scoffed at the idea. Nothing he could say or do would punish her more than the truth had. No punishment would have her suffer more than her own memories did. No, as it turns out, the girl was well on her way to destroy herself… And he couldn't bear to watch it

So, with a heavy heart and with just one last long look at her, he eventually left the room, making sure to nod his consent to her friends to go and see her on his way out.

He had a feeling she would need them.

 **LPOV**

"Do you guys think she's even _capable_ of talking anymore?" Mara whispered over breakfast. "It's been six days."

They all watched their friend – or whatever was left of her – pick at her sandwich by means of taking a lettuce leave out from in between it and tearing it apart. She'd barely eaten at all these past few days.

"Perhaps Jasper cut out her tongue when he found her." Jonah grimaced. "So he could finally win an argument from her."

The table laughed.

Except for Keena and Lara. The former who looked particular indifferent, whereas the latter just rolled her eyes in annoyance. "At least _he_ realized something was amiss with her. And he found her. It kind of makes him a better friend then us."

There was a truth to her statement none of the others could really argue with and they settled on silently looking at Keena, who, on her part, tore her eyes away from the lettuce leave, looking at her friends annoyed as if to say 'I'm right here you idiots' before abruptly standing up and walking off to god-knows-where.

Lara felt something akin to pity for her as she watched her friend go.

"I wonder what her fear-landscape has been all about." Maximus stated, his mouth full of Keena's abandoned sandwich. "I mean, we all have one, but it would never take me four whole days to get out of it. That's ridiculously long."

The rest agreed.

"Well, it isn't just every day that Keena gets traumatized, so whatever it was, it must be bad." Gale chimed in.

"Or perhaps it was just the mixture with the truth serum. When you mix drugs you can get some nasty side effects as well. I'm sure she'll do fine by the time the Final Test comes around." Mira opted. "I mean, this is _Keena_ we're talking about."

"We all keep saying that as if that's a _solid_ argument, but really, how much do we _actually_ know of her?" Gale wondered. "Not that I don't like her. She's awesome. But I've been thinking lately… No one knows anything about her really, no one has ever even lifted that rock."

"There is nothing wrong with being private." Lara offered, not liking the accusing turn this conversation was taking.

"Yes, I get that, but it's still a fact that we all didn't even bother to think twice about it when she wasn't in the dorms that night. I still don't get how Jasper of all people realized something was amiss, but you can't deny it's odd we're all so accustomed to her sudden disappearances. She's always just sneaking off to God-knows-where doing God-knows-what. Just like now, I might add."

"I don't like your accusation." Lara huffed. "Everyone should be allowed on their privacy. She doesn't have to be a group person all the damn time."

"I agree." Mira nodded with a small smirk at Lara. "Keena is Keena and I love her no matter what. So what I don't know the details of her life. Y'all don't know about a lot of things in my life either, doesn't make me a bad person."

"I don't know, Mir." Jonah grinned. "You could be a serial killer for all we know."

"You've known me for _years_." Mira chuckled. "Idiot."

"Perhaps I'm just the Liz to your Ted Bundy." He wiggled his eyebrow seductively, - in all likelihood – causing Mira to kick him in the shin as no second later, the boy hissed in obvious pain, while Mira just said there opposite of him, smiling a honey-sweet smile at him.

"Guys. That's not… I wasn't suggesting Keena was a bad person or anything!" Gale started again. A bit annoyed. "I love her, just like you all do. I'm just concerned that there is a lot of stuff we don't know about her, and perhaps some of that stuff we should know in order to help her. She could've died! Am I the only one who realizes that? She could've _died_ and we wouldn't have noticed a thing! _Jasper_ of all people would've found _our_ _dead_ _friend_."

"Ew. Don't say things like that!" Mira threw a piece of her cucumber at his face. "That's bad spirit and slightly disturbing."

"I agree with Gale." Maximus offered unhelpfully. "I mean, we don't know shit about her youth. At least with you" – and here he pointed to Gale and Lara – "I know what you're youths have been like in Erudite and you guys" – here he pointed to Jonah and Mira "are Candors. You tell us anything we want to hear… And not." He joked.

"Hey! Get your facts straight, Nerd!" Mira challenged, throwing yet another one of her cucumber slices. "We're _Dauntless_."

"I'm serious though." Maximus continued. "What do we actually know about her? Jasper said once that her mother was a whore, although we often say that about Amities. But does she have siblings? A dog? A cat? Another animal? Are they even allowed to keep animals in Amity? Or do they share them all on one big farm?"

"Sounds to me you're more interested about the animals." Jonah snorted. "Remind me to buy you a goldfish with your next birthday."

"When's Keena's birthday?" Gale wondered out loud again. _Seriously, what was up with him?_ They all stared at each other in silence for a bit, no one knowing the answer.

"You can ask Eric." Mira batted her eyes prettily in fake innocence. "I bet he has it in one of his files."

"I bet he will skin me alive." Gale batted back, in just as sweet a voice. "Ah, well. We can always ask Jasper, since apparently knows her better than we do anyway. Hell, if we're lucky, he even knows the name of her dog as well."

As the rest of the group laughed again, Lara felt suddenly alone. Without Keena there, it suddenly became apparent what a voice of reason she'd always been in the group. Lara's fussy nature had somehow depended on Keena's level-headed one more than she'd initially realized. Keena always tried to put things into perspective, ordered her to breathe or 'take a chill-pill' whenever Lara felt overwhelmed with things, or let her sleep in her bed when she was restless.

In short, Keena was always there when Lara had needed her, so it just didn't feel fair that she hadn't been there when Keena had needed someone as well. Worse, Lara hadn't even noticed something out of the ordinary… but guess who had?

It seemed like she finally needed to face him after all.

...

"Jasper." Lara eyed his group of friends nervously. They weren't particular her crowd. "Might I talk to you for a second."

The boy in question turned around, faint bruises still coloring his neck from when Eric had attacked him.

"What do _you_ want?" Ana sneered. "Don't you have Tinkerbell to look after? I heard they _die_ without attention." The three other friends – two boys named Keanu and Theo, and a girl named Marcella – started laughing, but Jasper eyed them all annoyed.

"Shut up." He told them, in a stern voice, but so soft Lara would've sworn they hadn't able to hear him were it not for the fact that all four of them abruptly quit laughing.

Jasper focused his attention back on Lara, scrutinizing her from head to toe, before slowly dragging his gaze up again until their eyes met. It was amazing how his eye color seemed to change with his surroundings. In Erudite they had always looked a light shade of blue, probably a reflection of the blue and white surroundings. Here in Dauntless they often looked a darker shade of grey, like molten silver or steel.

They looked like that now.

His stormy grey eyes seemed to dig deep inside her soul. He always had that effect on her, as if he could see it all. She felt exposed and vulnerable… but regardless of his otherwise nasty demeanor, he had never attacked her on a personal level.

Perhaps she just made it up inside her mind.

Sighing, she rolled her eyes. Desperate to escape his burning hot stare. "Look. It's a yes or a n–"

He didn't let her finish.

"Leave." He ordered, without taking his eyes away from hers. For a second Lara thought he was talking to her, but to her amazement, his little herd of friends scurried away at his simple request. _He could've just nicely asked,_ she thought to herself and then chuckled silently at the idea of Jasper asking anything nicely.

He surprised her by doing just that.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asked, indicating his head to a nearby bench – or well, as far as benches in Dauntless went; it really just was a massive block of cement. Walking over towards it, Jasper stepped closer to her, putting his hand in a feather-light touch on the small of her back, making her gulp on instant.

Jumping out of his reach, she sat down quickly and he followed with a lazy smirk on his face.

"Keena." Lara answered quickly, before she lost her nerve.

The smirk on his face grew. "You want to talk about the Amity with me?" He shook his head. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"Well… You found her, didn't you?"

While Lara had sat down, he was still standing in front of her and looked down at her through scrutinizing eyes. Although it beat her as to why. It's not like she was planning some evil masterplan. He of all people should know her well enough for that.

"I did."

"Where? When?

Jasper sighed and shook his head slightly, looking up at the ceiling as he did so. "Down at the bottom of the Chasm. I've seen her go there a few times after training, so I figured to check it."

"You were _looking_ for her?"

"I was." He confirmed. "She hadn't entered the dorms at all that night. We usually talk a bit at night, so I noticed and decided to look for her."

"You two ' _talk a bit at night'_?"

"Mouths work just as well at night as they do at daytime." He joked.

"That's not what I meant." She huffed, punching him lightly in his arm. But after the intense look he gave her she quickly withdrew her hand again, cursing herself for ever even touching him.

"So you went looking for her." She repeated, trying to divert attention from her current mistake. "If you don't mind me asking… _Why_?" The curiosity and confusion she was currently feeling, were also very much evident in her tone of voice.

"Does it matter?" He seemed offended. _Geez, why could nothing ever be simple with this guy?_

"It does to me." She nodded her head and bit her lip before looking at the patch of ground between them, for the first time noticing how much smaller her own feet were in comparison to his.

The feet shifted and before she realized what was happening, he was sitting next to her.

"Lara, what have I always told you?"

She looked up at him in surprise, not quite believing he even remembered. It had been years. Reluctantly – yet with a smile on her face – she recited his words of wisdom. "Don't ever look to the ground when you're talking to someone. They will notice your insecurity and take advantage of you. Look them in the eye and let your eyes do the commanding for you."

The first time he'd told her that, they had been only eleven years old. She'd come out of her classroom crying because one of the Dauntless guys had kept tugging her pigtails and when she'd nicely asked him to stop, he had simply ignored her request and continued bothering her. Jasper at the time had just finished reading a book on body language and told her the valuable lesson.

Not that the Amity in her often listened to his advice.

His lips twitched slightly. "That's right."

Rolling her eyes, she forced them back on his. "But I'm not insecure at all. I just don't like to invade on someone's privacy by commanding anything from them." She scoffed, slightly annoyed with herself. Why was she always perceived as being a push-over? She was _nice_ , not a doormat. Not an Abnegation – no offence.

If she had questions she went out and got them. She had the balls to walk up to Jasper and his little group of annoying friends to ask him for a private conversation. That was very much _Dauntless_. But of course no one would credit her on that. They just all assumed that – just because she looked at the floor when asking things – she somehow _must_ be nervous or anxious. No. Just No. She just liked her approaches in questions to be just that – _questions_ – instead of personal attacks and an invasion on one's privacy.

It was her right to ask a question, just like it was their right to refuse to answer them.

"I know that." His voice was sincere. Soft. Gentle. So not like the Jasper she'd become to know these past few years. "I'm sorry, I was just trying to evade the question I suppose."

Did he really just _apologize_? For a second she was stunned silent, until she saw him visibly swallow. She wasn't nervous… but he obviously was.

"You don't _have_ to answer my questions, Jasper." She tried to sooth. The last thing she wanted was to make him feel attacked. "You don't owe me any explanation. I would never force one out of you."

Jasper chuckled humorless, shaking his head. "Only you." He breathed, making her wonder what it was he meant. They sat in silence for a while and Lara was amazed by how familiar and good it felt just to be in his company again. Their arms were slightly brushing, but not quite and every small movement felt like a life-or-death situation.

If she bumped him too much, would he get up and leave? If she retract her arm, would he think she was repulsed by him? _Was_ she repulsed by him? Well, she knew the answer to that one. A definite no. But what exactly was it that she felt with him?

Nervous? Check. But whether that was in a good or bad way, she could not quite decide. Although his presence never bothered her and in a way it even made her feel at home, so she guessed that spoke in his favor. She felt nostalgic. That's what she felt. For years he had be her safe haven. He had been the one to go to whenever she was in trouble… Until all of that changed of course. So she supposed he made her feel cautious too. His moods snapped from one extreme to another. He was an all-or-nothing kind of guy… which secretly gave her a thrill she quite enjoyed.

"You're killing me here, El." _What? The nickname was back now too?_ "I don't want to tell you but I do, you know?" – No. She really didn't. – "It would be so much easier if you just forced it out of me."

Lara frowned. "But that's not like me."

He chuckled and looked down on her with those dark silvery eyes again. "Yeah. I know."

Suddenly a wave of panic overcame her. _He wasn't…? He couldn't'…?_

"Are you _in_ _love_ with her?" She managed to choke out suddenly.

Jasper whipped his head around and it took him a full five seconds to realize what exactly she'd just said. " _Me_? In love with _her_?" He started laughing out loud and immediately Lara's defense shot up.

"Well, excuse me for wondering. She's a wonderful girl and since you two are apparently buddies lately when the rest of us lot is all asleep –

"Lara, listen to me. I was not trying to offend her by laughing. I think Keena is perfectly dateable. Just not for me."

"Oh."

"C'mon Lara. You grew up in Erudite. You can't be _this_ daft." His tone of voice was low and teasing. His head inching closer to hers. Lara opted to stare at the ground again. She had a tingling feeling telling her exactly which direction the conversation was taking, but she couldn't help but blame her hope on it, rather than her rationality.

They had dated. Back in Erudite, for about half a year or so, they had dated. He hadn't been her first kiss or anything, but he'd been the one to 'deflower' her, so to speak. They had been friends ever since she could remember – which was easy seeing that they lived next door from each other and were the same age – it had taken them years to recognize their friendship was slowly turning into something else. Something more.

And then eventually, when she had been almost sixteen years old, he'd kissed her. Out of the blue. They had just been walking back home from a study session with some of their classmates at the library. She'd been talking amiably about this or that and then suddenly, he'd grabbed her by the waist with one arm while his other shot up to caress her cheek while his mouth had connected with hers.

They had ended up kissing in that hallway for hours – like teenagers often can – neither of them having a curfew or parents who'd care enough to check where they were.

 _"Wauw."_ He'd breathed eventually, breaking the kiss. " _I've been wanting to do that for so long."_ He'd admitted, immediately reassuring her that the kiss hadn't just happened because he'd been bored.

They'd walked home afterwards, hand in hand and for the next couple of months, they had been near inseparable… Until he'd deflowered her. After that, things had gone southwards. He'd become distant, detached and even mean at times, pushing her away from him. She hadn't been willing to give up on him – and the idea of _them_ – at first, but as weeks turned into months and months into years… Well, she'd long since given up all the hope in the universe that she'd ever meant a thing to him to begin with.

Until now.

Insecurely, she looked up at him through her eyelashes. She was pretty sure all the hurt and distrust showed on her face like an open book. She'd never been good at hiding her emotions anyway.

"I need you to say it." She whispered, her throat suddenly dry. But – to her credit – at least this time she didn't look at the ground. She stared him right in the eye and let her eyes demand it for her. Just like he'd always told her to do.

He looked at her for a second. Their heads close enough for her to feel breath on her skin – peppermint – before he tilted her head up with a single finger on her chin.

"Lara. I am – and always have been – utterly and completely in love with you." Her breath caught. He'd never said that before. Even in all those months they'd dated, he'd never said he'd loved her. But Jasper wasn't ready yet and continued: "I know I fucked up. _Big time_. And honestly, you'd be a moron for even considering giving me a second chance, because you deserve so, so, so much better than what I could ever offer you. And yet, I'd be an even bigger moron if I didn't at least fight my hardest to get you back. You are one of a kind. The only woman I've ever loved. So, please, please, _please_ , consider going on a date with me next Saturday. Give me a chance to treat you like I always should've treated you."

Their foreheads had been touching for the last part of it and Lara had been on the brink of just kissing him senseless already, but before Lara got the chance to do so, or say anything back, Jasper had already moved away from her.

Lara sighed deeply as she watched him go. With a speech like that, she didn't really had a choice, did she?

 **EPOV**

"No, Jeanine. I'm not going to do that." Eric sighed annoyed. His mobile was currently put between his shoulder and head as he fumbled with the key in his lock. Wait, was it already open? He swore he locked the door this morning…

"Why ever not?! She actually knows about her deceased siblings now, right?"

"I think she does." Eric said absentmindedly, putting his briefcase full of paperwork on the kitchen counter. Putting his phone on speaker so he could roam around freely, he moved over to the fridge. Alcohol. He needed alcohol to survive this conversation.

"You _think_ she does? Do you not _know_?" Eric could perfectly picture the condescending purse of her lips that went with that particular tone of voice.

"Well, _no_. She's awake, but she hasn't spoken a word since she woke up."

"And that was when, exactly?"

"About 6 days ago."

"She can't talk? I thought her file said she didn't have any _brain damage_? Because in that case she would be just as useless to me as that other one I already have. Trading them would be pointless."

"Really. You're too compassionate." Eric deadpanned, silently smirking at the little scoffing sound Jeanine made. "But no, I don't think she _can't_ talk. I think she is just choosing not to."

"Well, then please lay out my proposition for her and let me know when to set the date. The sooner the better Eric."

"I already told you, I'm not going to ask her to do it, Jeanine. That's inhumane. Even for you."

"Eric. This would be years of research thrown into the bin. I'm not going to do that. It's a shame the other four had to die, but there is still one good one out there. I can't believe you're not seeing the bigger picture here!"

"No, _I am_. I just don't agree with _your_ bigger picture where she would have to throw away her own life in exchange for her brother having some long and painful life as a vegetable. That's a lose-lose situation."

"Pish posh. My bigger picture is the only bigger picture here. What do you want to do with her anyway? Make her into one of your little mindless soldiers? One more or less won't matter. A breakthrough on the heredity of Divergence on the other hand, now _that's_ a bigger picture. You know that just as well as I do."

"Oh, do I? I'm just a mindless soldier after all." Eric snarled.

"Oh, Eric, don't be like that. I have no patience for offended feelings. You know that. Besides, I wasn't talking about you. You're sensible. You're an Erudite. Act like it."

"I'm a _Dauntless_."

"In nurture you are, but in nature you are just as much an Erudite as I am." Jeanine sighed dismissively.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Silence. "Jeanine?"

"Well, I thought you realized this Eric. You were as much an Erudite as most other Erudite-borns. Hell, you were _better_. You scored the highest scores at school, was always striving to be the best, never revealed to much about your knowledge. You are the perfect Erudite."

"I'm a Dauntless." Eric repeated, albeit less convincingly this time. "My aptitude told me I was."

"Of course it did. You're smart enough to know how to act to become a Dauntless. Kids are adaptable like that. Why do you think so many kids chose the faction they were born in? It's because they're thought how to act and they don't avert easily from those rules. Only those who's mind is strong enough to go against the grid and refuse to adapt will make the aptitude test based on how they actually feel, instead of based on what they think is expected of them. I told you you'd make a good Dauntless and you believed me. So, you suddenly shifted all of your attention to becoming a Dauntless instead of an Erudite, all because your parents never gave you the feeling you'd be good enough an Erudite."

The world was suddenly spinning. Eric was sure of it. "If I were the perfect Erudite, then why tell me I'd make a good Dauntless? Why not encourage me to become an Erudite."

"What would the point be? You already believed your parents and honestly, at the time I just figured it would come in handy to have an Erudite in the Dauntless board. Especially, if said Erudite was also bound to me by blood! My methods and reasons might've pushed you into a direction you otherwise wouldn't have chosen, but you ended up at the top anyway. You're ambitious, strong, fierce. I knew you'd excel at Dauntless, just like you would've excelled in Erudite."

"You tricked me into a life at Dauntless because you wanted me to be there." Eric stated emotionless, not quite knowing how to respond to her confession. "So I could get things done for you." He continued. "Well guess what, your time of you manipulating me is over now."

"Eric –" Jeanine tried, but Eric raised his voice and spoke right over her.

"I won't help you out with small favors anymore."

"Eric, listen to me –"

"And I sure as hell _won't_ propose your 'offer' to Keena, because guess what? It isn't an offer. It's a _deathtrap_. And as the Dauntless leader accountable for the initiates, it's my duty to protect them."

With those final words, he hang up the phone and smashed it against the nearest wall. Turning away from the shattering device, he came eye-to-eye with about the last person he'd expected to see.

Bottle green meeting ice blue.

Eric opened his mouth, but no sound came out. What could he say?

 _What are you doing here?  
How did you come in?  
How much did you here?  
_

But all thoughts evaporated when the blonde girl spoke first. Her voice cold and demanding as she asked: "Want to tell me what the hell that was all about?"

Well, at least she could speak after all.


	39. Chapter 39: The Qualities of Life

**Sorry for taking so long. I could tell you a thousand reasons really (all true), but they all came together into one big writer's block. I really had no inspiration (still haven't), so if this chapter feels like it is a little bit forced, that's because it is.**

 **Might come back and change it later on, but for now I didn't want to leave you hanging any longer.**

 **Anyway, hope you'll still enjoy!**

 **EPOV**

He had forgotten.

He had forgotten how she was in the midst of chaos and fear. Somewhere in the past months it had slipped his mind how she'd first come to Dauntless. Unfazed while looking danger - death! - in the eye. Of course he knew. He knew of her fire, her temperament, her bravery. That was hard to forget. But he'd somehow forgotten how she was able to wrap it in so much grace.

When she'd first come to Dauntless, she had looked the same as she did now. Calm, collected. Unbothered even for those who didn't care enough to look closely. But he did.

Oh, he _did_.

He now knew her well enough see her silence for what it was. He had had enough practice not to take her demeanor for something else: She was hurting. It was eating her from the inside out but she would rather die than let it show to the rest of the world.

Most would retreat. Like a wounded deer, licking their wounds in private. Not her. Not Keena. She just went on like nothing had changed. But it had.

Oh, it _had._

Her calm persona was nothing but a well generated deception. Months ago, when she'd volunteered to 'jump' first and let herself fall backwards with so much grace, the only passion had laid hidden in her eyes while the rest of her demeanor remained seemingly at ease.

It was very similar to her stance now.

She was 'casually' leaning against one of the bookcases in the conference room of Erudite, watching as her father – Judge Parson from _Candor_ – was reading over the contract stating the transmission of Oliver's custody.

Keena's mother Emma, you see, had given Jeanine full custodyof Oliver after she was deemed factionless by Amity. And Keena was undoubtly willing to risk everything to reverse that fact and gain custody over Oliver herself. That way, he could be transferred to the infirmary of Dauntless, or at the very least the regular hospital wing of Erudite, out of Jeanine's grasp and her Experimental Centre.

Eric looked over at Keena, for what must be the twentied time that minute. There was something about Keena when she was angry like this. She was the ultimate contradiction of herself. Fire with the cutting edge of ice. She did what she needed to do and poured every ounce of that burning fire within her into it, yet the execution was done with a clinical coolness. It was eerie. Impressive, but eerie.

And it attracted him equally as much as it concerned him.

For someone who lashed out whenever, wherever and at whomever (sometimes even for no explicit reason), it was sometimes hard to understand her silence and tranquil - no matter how forced and fake it was at times.

For the past week she'd been living like a zombie. Coping with her siblings' death all over again had left her quite (e)motionless. She didn't do much, barely ate at all and she had ceased laughing all together. Even her little fake smiles had vanished completely from her expressions.

She'd lost her spark.

But now her anger seemed to have brought it back.

 _Flashback_

 _"So, let me get this straight…" She bit after he had reluctantly told her what was going on. "Oliver has been alive all this time and my – nowadays factionless – and pathetic excuse of a mother signed over her custody of him to Jeanine FUCKING Mathews of all people, who's been planning to do god-knows-what to him?! But since Oliver just woke up from his coma and has proven to be useless for her crazy Divergent-obsessed research, she now wants to make a deal with me and keep him alive in exchange for my cooperation in her crazy tests instead?!" _

_Well, fuck. The situation sounded even more crazy summarized. He stiffly nodded his reply._

 _"How the hell could you want to keep this from me?!" She yelled clearly angry at him._ _Oh, hell no! She had no right to be anything but grateful to him. He had done her a fucking favor!_

 _"Because it was none of your damn concern!"_

 _"What?! I'm his sister, Eric! Of course it's my concern!" She hissed seethingly. "Jeanine obviously knows that! But perhaps she's the only smart one in your family!"_

 _He decided to leave her last comment for what it was and went straight in for the kill._ _"Yeah, a sister without a future, if it hadn't been for me!" He yelled back, his blood boiling at her ignorance. "You wouldn't even have made it through the first fucking stage of initiation if you'd known back then! Thanks to me you actually spend time training instead of running off to tend an unconscious person who wouldn't even have noticed the difference anyway! You may not agree with my decision, Keena, but it was in your best interest. As a factionless, you wouldn't even been allowed into the Erudite compound! Then what would you have done?!"_

 _There was an odd look on her face as she searched for words. Her brain processing his every word in detail. Memorizing it. And then a moment of realization dawned onto her._

 _"Months?!" Her voice barely above a whisper. "You've known for months that my brother was still alive without telling me? You were sleeping with me while you knew?! How – You – Why?" She chocked on her last words and tore her gaze from his face, as if she couldn't bare to look at him any longer. Watery eyes staring intently at the ground instead. _

_The abhor on her face instantly evaporated all of his anger, like a freezing breeze on a hot summer day. It was odd, out of place and brutally unexpected how guilty her words made him feel. So he did exactly as he always did in situations like this: Lash out._

 _Attacking always had been his best defense, after all._

 _"It wasn't exactly sleeping what we did, now was it?" Eric taunted meanly. "And yeah, you can make me the bad guy all you want, Keena. Just remember that I'm not the one who killed any of your siblings, nor am I the one who forgot it happening in the first place." Was this really happening? Had he really just said that? "That's all on you, their perfect little sister, who thought abandoning her so-called alive siblings was better than acknowledging their deaths. So don't blame me for all your own shortcomings. I did you a favor by not letting you become distracted and ultimately factionless." __Eric couldn't even believe himself how grim and emotionless his voice sounded and telling by the look on Keena's face, his words had hit its target. Hard._

 _There followed a long and intense silence in which his words hung heavily in the air and refused to leave._

 _Eventually she looked up at him again, the watery eyes long since disappeared._

 _"You do not know me at all, do you?" She shook her head and backed away from him. "When have I ever acted on impulse like that?" When he didn't reply she continued. "You really take me for a fool, don't you?" She swiftly turned around and started heading for the door. "When I leave this hellish apartment, you're going to contact my father, Bryan Parson, from Candor." She ordered him with her back towards him. "And you're going to tell him to meet me at the Erudite headquarters in an hour. And afterwards, you'll call that bitch of an aunt of yours and tell her to have that custody contract ready. I want to see it before I agree with any of her shemes." And with those words, quickly followed by a slam of the door, she disappeared from his sight._

 _Although Eric had never taken orders from her – or anyone else besides Max – before, he would do as she had said._ _And somehow she'd expected as much._

 _End of flashback_

"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do, Katharina." Parson sighed, shaking his head over the contract. "There's no loophole. Your mother –"

" _Don't_ call that monster my mother." Keena hissed. It was the first and only crack in her calm demeanor so far.

Judge Parson seemed unfazed. "Fine. _Emma_ has given Jeanine full custody over Oliver until he turns eightteen. There is no backtracking. I'm sorry, but the contract is completely waterproof. There is literally nothing that gives us leverage to fight the contract, even if Emma was to be found and condemned mentally ill at the time of signing it."

When there was no immediate response coming from Keena, Parson finally looked up from the papers on the table in front of him to find Keena rubbing her temples.

"I need some air." She sighed before briskly walking out of the room, leaving Eric and Parson alone in an awkward silence. Both men glanced at each other before resolutely looking the other way.

"How is she?" Parson asked eventually, breaking the silence.

"I find it hard to believe you can't come up with an answer yourself." Eric replied stiffly. "I didn't leave this room either and yet I have a fair idea."

"Oh! No, I - I don't mean _now."_ Parson explained. "I mean in general. As a person. What is she like?" There was a wistful smile on his face that made Eric feel very uncomfortable. Parson had absolutely no reason to feel proud of the daughter he didn't raise.

"I wouldn't know. She's doing fine if that's what you're asking me." Eric snapped. "No thanks to you."

The elder man ignored the last statement and instead took the time to analyze Eric.

"You care for her." Damn these annoying _candors_. Always thinking they had to play for shrinks or sibyls. "Or else you wouldn't be here right now."

"It's my _job_." Eric added a strict stare to his snarl, hoping to end all conversation with the man but to his credit Parson didn't even blink.

"Well, she's got your stubbornness, I suppose." Eric relented with an annoyed eyeroll. It really was uncanny.

At this, Parson snorted. Seemingly pleased with the confession, he returned his attention back to the papers on the table. Not that he hadn't read them all already, but it at least gave Eric the space he needed not to feel scrutinized and studied to a T.

When thirty minutes had passed, Eric started to get worried. Keena wouldn't actually be stupid enough to go along with Jeanine's crazy proposition, would she? Shit. What if she had?

Luckily for Eric, Jeanine choose that exact moment to enter the conference room, conveniently distracting Eric from the horrid thought that had just entered his mind.

"Walk with me." She ordered Eric.

…

"How is it she even made it into his room on her own?" Eric wondered, as they passed yet another of Jeanine's ridiculous security points. So… They'd changed from cards to eye-scans now. Erudite really had a way of making things look more valuable than they were.

"She took one of my doctors hostage." Jeanine scoffed, semi annoyed, yet semi impressed with the girl. "Because of the late hour, they managed to move around the compound quite undetected… That is, until she opened the door to his room. Luckily I already anticipated an attempt like this and already set up extra alarms the other day. Although she did manage to turn of all the camera's in his room. You Dauntless are nothing if not predictable."

"Oh. Right. So, _now_ she's suddenly a _dauntless_ again." Eric snorted.

Jeanine sighed but didn't respond as they made the rest of their way through the compound in silence. Eventually, she stopped in front of the same room she'd shown Eric all those months ago.

"She has locked herself _and_ my doctor in." Jeanine sighed, waving her arm towards the door. "Feel free to do whatever it is you Dauntless leaders do, but I want my doctor unscratched by the end of it."

"You need to go." Eric ordered his aunt stoically. "She definitely won't come out with you here."

"I so _do_ wonder why." Jeanine smirked in that icy kind of way Eric had gotten accustomed to over the years. "If you're so sure she's one of your little Dauntless soldiers, it should be no trouble to get her to listen to her _commander_."

Ah. So _that_ was the reason for getting him here. Eric had been wondering why Jeanine hadn't just forced the door open on her own - god knew Erudite had the technical and or chemical means for that - but Jeanine wanted him to see, realize or admit that Keena was not a Dauntless. She wouldn't simply listen to his order like a Dauntless was supposed to. Jeanine knew that too.

"She's an initiate." Eric quirked an eyebrow in challenge. "Long way to learn."

They stared at each other for a long and hostile while before – a obviously displeased – Jeanine took a deep breath. "Fine. I have no time for this theatrical inconvenience anyway. Bring her to my office once she's out."

She tried to give him a last firm glare, but Eric was already facing the door. The fading sounds of her heels where the only indication she'd left his side and after the sound of a heavy door opening and falling shut, his own breathing was all the sound that was left.

 **KPOV**

"What do you mean no?!" Keena hissed to the smug Erudite man in the corner of the room. Okay, admittedly, the man wasn't being smug at all, but it was so much easier to be cruel to him if she just pretended he was being awful too.

What she needed right now was a Jeanine. Someone who gave off this immaculate image of being a heartless cunt. But instead she was somehow stuck with this very intelligent _and_ compassionate Erudite guy. He wasn't quivering, he wasn't crying, he wasn't cynical or heartless or annoying… He was literally beyond perfect for a person in a situation like his. He was even helping her!

Who was she kidding? She was holding him hostage. He was simply smart enough to realize helping her would get him out of there fastest and most likely unharmed.

"Just as I said it. You can't get him of the vent. He will die."

"So, he's awake, but I can't talk to him? Ever?"

"I told you. He isn't able to do that in any case." Although his words were a bit snobbish, his tone of voice definitely wasn't. He even sounded kind. "He's not actually conscious. You know this."

"But his eyes are open…" She was in denial and she knew it. Of course Keena knew what UWS – Unresponsive Wakefulness Syndrome – was. Even if she had forgotten her lessons in school about it, although they called it the 'vegetative state' there – an 'unprofessional' and old-fashioned term modern Erudite apparently didn't agree with – this Erudite doctor had explained it to her all over again only minutes ago.

He had also told her the chances of Oliver's recovery were very, very, very slim. More like, non-existent. Especially after the duration of his coma. And even if he would recover somewhat, he would never be the same: His personality could've been altered. He could be more violent. And it was no small possibility he would have to learn how to speak, walk, move – basically everything really – from the very beginning, as if he were a baby.

And now, this doctor was telling her he couldn't even breathe on his own. And most likely never would.

Keena kneeled down next to Oliver's bed, holding his left hand in between both of hers.

"Is he in pain?" She asked the doctor.

"He has lost all awareness of himself and his external environment. He cannot register pain." Keena sighed relieved, but the man continued. "Honestly, if this were my brother – and god forbid Jeanine ever finds out about this – I would consider the option of letting him go en rest in peace."

Keena looked up at him through teary eyes. Quickly blinking them away her lower lip started to quiver. She hated looking weak even more than being weak, but in this moment she really couldn't care.

"But what if he recovers?"

The doctor smiled at her. It was a smile that told her how this truly did affect him. A smile of pity. A show of silent support.

"What quality of life will he have? One where he can't express himself because he isn't able to move or talk properly? One where he will always have a learning disability that will frustrate him to no end? And what do you think that will do with his mental health? Truly, would he be happy?"

Keena tore her eyes away from the doctor and focused on the pale and sick little boy in the bed. His cheeks were fallen in. His eyes were open but you could tell he wasn't registering a thing. His mind off to somewhere else.

This was nothing like the young knowledge-hungry boy she'd known. The one that would always have his nose stuck in a book, only to look up when he had a question to ask her. Oliver had been so smart. So full of curiosity about life and why things were the way they were. He was this funny and inquisitive little boy. He was supposed to have his whole live ahead of him! With the world at his feet...

Life had been too cruel to him.  
He did not deserve this.  
He had done nothing wrong.

Was this really how things were supposed to end? Her thinking he had already been dead all this time, only to find out he wasn't and then having to decide to let him die within hours of finding out?

Life was too cruel.  
She did not deserve this.

"I can't do it." She told the doctor, without taking her eyes off her baby brother. "Not now."

There followed a silence in which she imagined him nodding, but she couldn't tell for certain as her gaze had never left Oliver. It was slightly scary to see him this way, and yet everything about him called out to her, willing her to hold him.

"I just want to hold him for a little bit." Keena admitted, already moving to sit down on the bed next to Oliver's motionless body, who was still staring off into some unknown depth only he could see. "If you want to go, obviously you can." She told him, waving her hand towards the door.

"Do you want me to go?"

Pause.

"No." For some reason, she really didn't want to be alone right now. Of course, she had Ollie, but... Well. He wasn't really there now was he?

Stefan moved to sit on the ground himself, his back and head resting to a metal closet against the wall. He closed his eyes before he spoke. "Well, you'll know where to find me when you need me." And with those words he feigned sleep, giving her some sense of privacy.

He was a good lad. Not at all what she had expected from an Erudite.

Hugging the - not quite lifeless, but close - body of her brother, Keena closed her own eyes. Finally allowing the tears to stream down her face.

 **EPOV**

"Keena, open this door." Eric knocked on the door loud and clear, yet not as hard as he might've done had he been angry. However, when there was no immediate reply, he increased the banging of his fist. "Jeanine isn't here if that's what you're worried about."

There was a fumbling with the lock from the inside out before a head that was definitely not Keena peered at him from the small crack in the door.

"Jesus Eric, keep it down will you." He hissed before stepping out. "She's asleep."

Eric tried to peer into the room, hoping to find a glance of Keena but the guy quickly shot the door behind him as he stepped out.

Well, this was taking an unexpected turn.

"You know my name?" Eric growled, hoping to intimidate the mediocre looking guy.

It worked. The guy swallowed nervously, but to his credit didn't back down. "You know me as well. I was in your year at school. We had multiple lessons together."

When Eric gave him an unimpressed look that screamed 'I don't care', the guy rolled his eyes.

"Stefan." He said, sticking out his hand.

" _Stinky_ Stefan?!" Eric chuckled, the memory of him coming back to him. "How could I've forgotten." The guy had been one of the Amities in his year. His parents, not unlike other amities, worked on the lands outside the gates, but _unlike_ most other amities, they were in charge of the fertilizing process. As a result, Stefan had occasionally smelled like dung whenever he had helped his parents.

Stefan quickly snatched his hand away, a scowl on his face. "No one has called me that in _years_."

"I bet." Eric snarled meanly. "Erudite is very strict on hygiene."

"What do you want, Eric?" He responded, settling for business.

"I want to know what you've done with my initiate. I have to say I'm quite surprised. Jeanine told me you were taking hostage and yet, here you are without a trace of my initiate."

"I told you, she's asleep and you're not going to wake her right now."

"One Amity sticking up for another. How touching." Eric mocked.

"She's Amity-born too? I thought -" Eric rolled his eyes and pushed the skinny lad out of his way before he could even finish his sentence. Stepping into the room, Eric tried to close the door behind too, but Stefan was too quick and forced himself inside as well before Eric could shut the door completely.

"Out." Eric ordered, his finger pointing to the door he was holding open again, although his eyes never left the sight of Keena. She was curled up on the bed, her cheeks still wet from tears, hugging the small and motionless body of Oliver. Oliver's eyes were staring somewhere into the distance – clearly not present. Keena was asleep.

Actually asleep. Not unconcious because of some overdose on posions, not forced to sleep because of some head trauma, but actually, completely asleep without physical circumstances forcing her to.

Rationally, he'd known she slept like any other person, but this was the first time he actually saw it with his own eyes. Did she cry herself to sleep often? Or was this the exception? Would she ever trust him enough to sleep in his presence? And why had she trusted Stinky Stefan enough to witness it?

By the time he forced himself to look away from her, he found Stefan staring at him with eyes wide as saucers. Whatever he had seen – or thought he'd seen – it had rendered him in shock.

Very well, at least the boy was silent. He had this gut feeling that if the boy would say anything at all, Eric would loose his last bit of cool.

"I said out." He repeated himself in a hiss. "Jeanine wanted you back in the lab unscratched, but if you're going to defy me one more time I won't vouch for that." Eric threatened, his voice like steel. He knew his eyes were practically shooting daggers at him or, better yet, displaying all the other fun things he could do with that weak Erudite-body of his.

It worked. Stefan practically trembled in fear and with one last guilty look at Keena, he stumbled out of the room.

Great. At least one person today was still intimidated by him. He had been afraid he'd been losing his touch, but apparently that was just a Hyde/Parson trade. Well, and Janine obviously.

Focusing his attention back on the scene of Keena and Oliver, Eric absentmindedly closed the door with his one hand, before gliding down against it until his arms were resting on his knees. From his position on the floor he couldn't see Keena's face anymore, but he did see that uncannily empty face of Oliver, still staring to nothing in particular.

Eric sighed. What could he possibly do to ease her pain?


	40. Chapter 40: The Buzz

**I am so touched by all the sweet reviews I got! Really, you guys are the best!  
In gratitude of your kind words, I will make you guys this promise: I will finish this story no matter what. I have the tendency to quit things before I finish them, and I don't want to live like that anymore. Especially not when you're all being so kind.**

 **This chapter will be a bit of a depressing one, but I believe circumstances called for it. After this things will cheer up again, I promise! I myself have had quite enough with 'depressed Keena' eventhough it was necessary for the storyline. Still, I hope you guys enjoy!**

 **KPOV**

Keena fluttered open her eyes at the sound of chirping birds. Finding herself laying on a meadow, the tickling sensation she had felt on her bare arms and legs made a lot more sense now. The cool breeze was soothing to the otherwise hot temperatures of the sun right above her head. Noon. She had to go back to make lunch soon.

 _How long had she been laying here anyway?_

Sighing she stood up and patted the dry sand off her otherwise pale yellow dress. She didn't want to go back. Not quite yet. She loved her siblings and enjoyed her volunteering work at the Amity community kitchen, but sometimes she couldn't help dreaming of a different place – a different _life_ – where she had some more time by herself.

Keena had always loved the tranquility of silence. It was peaceful, and yet – ironically enough – almost never found within the faction. Amities somehow seemed to prefer smiles, laughter and polite conversation over silence. Pity, really.

Moving swiftly trough the easiest pathways of the cornfield, Keena got closer and closer to the giggling sound of children and just like that all of her wishes to be alone evaporated and she smiled. She would recognize those voices anywhere.

Moving the last few corn stalks out of the way, a hill came into view. Thomas was sitting on top of it, throwing some rock repeatedly in the air before catching it while Marilee – seated in his lap - seemed to be entirely fascinated by whatever flower Aaron was showing her. Keena couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped her lips as an in dirt and grass stain-covered Dylan appeared into view as well. Typical. He was a tat on the rowdy side, that one. She tried not to think about how hard those stains were to get out.

"What took you so long?" Came the sudden question, and Keena's eyes shot to Oliver, who was sitting a few steps away from her at the foot of the hill. His glasses stood slightly lopsided on his nose as he closed his book on agriculture – one of the few books Amity wouldn't frown upon reading in public.

"I –" Keena started, looking into his big green eyes, so much like her own. He normally was so full of questions about the purpose of life, physics or science, that it seemed almost out of place he would ask about something as humane as her time spending. For some reason the simple question seemed significant. He'd even glanced up from his book for it.

"I'm sorry. I was… I was being selfish." Keena said regrettably. "I needed some time on my own."

"A need is never selfish." Oliver stated matter-of-factly, correcting the stance of his glasses. "I sometimes need some me-time too and you never called me selfish."

Keena smiled at him gratefully. It was so like him to simplify things like this – the emotional and subjective state of reason. Mentally, Oliver had always been the strongest by far. Whenever she had felt overwhelmed by things, he knew exactly what to say to calm her down with his calculated and factual statements. The voice of reason who forced her to put her worries into perspective.

"You're right, as per usual." Keena winked at him, making him literally glowing with pride. "Is that why you were sitting here alone too, instead of playing with the rest?" Indicating her head to their siblings on top of the hill.

"No, I was just waiting for you." Oliver smiled up at her, but there was a sudden sadness in his eyes. The kind of sadness that gave her an unexplainable ache in her stomach.

"And why is that?" Keena asked with a forced smile, pushing the dreadful feeling to the back of her mind. "You wouldn't happen to have yet another question for me, now would you?"

"As the matter of fact, I do." He quipped back happily, grinning like a cat that got the cream as Keena moved to sit next to him in the grass. "What's it like to be death?"

Perhaps it was an insect flying into her mouth, or perhaps she just choked on air, but whatever the reason, Keena started coughing. _A lot_. When she finally calmed down enough to look at him, she found him staring at her in earnest, eagerly awaiting her answer.

With any of her other siblings she would've spun a tale as wonderful as she could think of, but Oliver – no doubt an Erudite in heart and soul – would only appreciate the facts. Facts she did not have.

"I honestly don't know, Ollie." Keena admitted regrettably. "No one alive does."

He looked at her general direction, but it was clear his mind was far away, off in thought. A frown aging his otherwise youthful little face. "But I'm not really alive anymore, am I?"

And just like that, reality hit her.

This wasn't real. Her little brothers and sister weren't really playing on top of this hill. Oliver wasn't really here, in the grass next to her, asking her this question. It was all a dream. A wonderful, yet terrible dream. It must be. And yet, everything about it felt awfully real. _So real,_ in fact, she started having trouble to breathe.

"I'm scared." Oliver softly whimpered, his suddenly pale hand clutching her tanned one as he looked up to her from underneath his long eyelashes. His green eyes really were an uncanny match to her own.

Keena anticipated what was coming. She _knew_. Stronger than any gut feeling she'd ever had, Keena's heart missed a beat. She wanted to cry out in despair and tell him – _command_ him – to be stronger and to please stay with her for a little bit longer.

She didn't want to be all alone.

But asking that of him would be selfish and this was no time for her to be weak or drown in self-pity. This wasn't about her, this was about _him_.

"Oh, Ollie. My sweet, smart boy." She hushed, kissing the top of his head. "You have nothing to be afraid of. _Nothing_. You're strong and curious and you can handle anything you set your mind to." Oliver sniffed and nodded tentatively. Clearly not completely convinced yet.

It broke Keena's heart to see her little brother so insecure and emotional when he normally was the complete opposite: Strong and opinionated. A clever and factual little boy. The voice of reason in their family. _Her_ voice of reason in her moments of despair. Her rock during hard and overwhelming times.

Well… it was time for her to return the favor.

"You know what?" Keena started purposefully, trying to lighten the mood a little bit to the best of her abilities. "What I told you is true. I don't know for sure what it's like to be death, but I'm also really _really_ confident it must be wonderful."

"Why?"

"Well, for one, Thomas, Aaron, Dylan and Marilee are all already there. It would be nice to see them again, wouldn't it?" She started, and both siblings simultaneously turned their heads to look at the siblings in question, peacefully playing on top of the hill. "And I'm sure you can read as many books as you wish, and whenever you feel like a break you could always play together with your brothers and sisters outside in the sun, and perhaps even eat a popsicle or two. Doesn't that sound nice?"

He nodded his head more confidently this time, but his lip still quivered as he returned his gaze to his elder sister, who took his little hands between her own, kissing them repeatedly.

"Besides," Keena continued in a whispering voice, as if she were to share a dear secret. "You're the _smart_ one. They'll _need_ you."

He grinned softly at that, a proud twinkle briefly appearing in his eyes before it got replaced by a thoughtful and slightly skeptical frown.

"What about you, Keena? Why don't you get to come?"

Keena thought about it for a moment, but not really knowing what to say she settled on a lame. "It's not my time yet, I'm afraid." Seeing his dissatisfied look, she quickly added another reassurance: "But I will come, Oliver. I promise. In a while, I will come and we can all be together again. I just don't know when that will be yet."

"You promise." He echoed slowly, grasping the significance of Keena's promises. But it didn't take long for that deep wrinkle to reappear between his brows. "But what will we do without you?!" His voice suddenly high-pitched in panic. "None of us know how to cook!"

Keena couldn't help it. A loud chuckle escaped her lips. She wasn't happy – far from it – but Oliver's innocent and objective logic at a time like this was just perfect: Causing her to release all of her pent up nerves, sorrows and despairs by way of laughing.

But the laughter quickly died out it's purpose, sounding more and more hollow as it continued to disturb their surrounding's otherwise tranquility. Until, at the end, it resulted in just that: Silence.

They sat side by side like that for a while, neither talking but both clearly mulling over the same thing.

"Oh, I know!" Oliver proclaimed, suddenly jumping up onto his feet and turning to her. "I could learn it! Recipe's are in books. I'm sure I could do it, although Thomas would have to reach the books on the top shelves for me." He was babbling enthusiastically now. "And in the meantime, I will also learn _everything_ there is to know about that place, so when you finally do come, I will be able to answer _all_ _of_ _your_ _questions_ and you can learn some things from me for a change!" He told her proudly, a smug little grin lighting up his face.

This was it. This was the way she wanted to remember him. Happily babbling about his pursue in knowledge.

"I would be an honor to learn from you." She agreed and he sighed content, clearly delighted with this appraisal.

A silence settled over them again, as it often did between the two introverted siblings, but again it was Oliver who broke it first: His hunger for knowledge eventually bigger than his need for solitude.

"You won't forget us?"

He stood insecurely before her, shuffling with his feet and keeping his eyes downcast. And just like that Keena could see him for who he was: An eight-year-old boy who was apprehensive of what was yet to come and felt sorrow about what he had to leave behind.

Keena sucked in a breath and tried to push away the guilt settling in her stomach for the fact she had indeed forgotten all of her siblings – well, their _predicaments_ really – for the past couple of months.

" _Never_." Keena emphasized. "I love you and I will always keep loving you. No distance will be able to change that, alright? It doesn't matter where you are or where you'll go, you're in my heart and I carry my heart with me everywhere."

She remembered the first time she'd come up with that line. Thomas had been six years old, Oliver only four and Aaron had been four, maybe five months old. Thomas had been noticing how every morning and afternoon, all of the other Amity kids were being dropped off and picked up by both or one of their parents. He'd asked her why his mother didn't do that and opted that perhaps their mother didn't love them as much as other Amity mothers did their children.

In all probability, he'd been right. But Keena hadn't been able to let him grow up believing that, so she'd come up with the line about distance and love and, years later, she'd adapted the line from expressing their mother's love for them, to expressing her own whenever they were apart. Especially during Aaron's phase of morning-routine separation anxiety during the first two years of his school-career.

"I will miss you." Oliver whispered quietly as he threw his small arms around her neck to hug her tightly.

"I know." Keena fought back her tears as she held on to him for dear life. "I will miss you too." Her voice was on the verge of breaking. "But we don't need to be together for me to love you, alright?" She sniffed, desperately fighting back the tears from falling as they broke their hug.

"I love you too, Keena." He said, looking at their joined hands. "We all do." Keena squeezed them once before letting go. "I'll see you again?"

Keena didn't trust her voice anymore, so all she could do was to nod her response. And with that last reassurance, Oliver turned around, leaving Keena's tears to flow freely as she watched him run up the hill to play along with their siblings on top.

…

"Someone!" A booming voice disrupted the silence. "Quickly, someone help!"

Gaining consciousness, Keena could recognize another awful noise – machinery perhaps? Yes. There was a heart rate monitor. _Oliver's_ heart rate monitor. And it was currently displaying a very – _very_ – flat line.

Fuck.

She'd been hoping it had all been a dream – just a crazy nasty fucked up dream – but it had actually happened. Oliver had just died. The last one of her siblings gone – unless Jeanine was secretly hiding another one, that is.

She tried to look at his face but then quickly diverted her eyes. He was looking too pale, too sickly and not at all like the small bundle of innocent wonder she'd seen in her dream. She wanted to remember him that way – the way he _was_ – and not what her uncle had done to him.

 _Should she cry?  
She should, shouldn't she?  
Then why wasn't she? _

_Why didn't she feel sad?  
Why didn't she feel anything?_

 _The only thing she was feeling was the guilt for not crying.  
SO WHY WASN'T SHE CRYING?_

"For fucks sake, hurry!" The voice that had woken her bellowed, while a loud clash could be heard. Keena looked up and away from the monitor to find a big bad bulky man standing near the door, his hand driven through it.

Eric. Typical.

"Was about god damn time!" He snapped at the two doctors that came rushing in.

Numbly, Keena registered one of the doctors pushing her aside while the other prepared the defibrillators to… – to what? _Save_ Oliver's _life_? At what cost? He was at peace now. They'd said goodbye! He just had to be at peace now: He could read, play and learn and was happily with the rest of their siblings.

"No!" Keena tried to yell, but when the doctors paid her no mind, she realized the sound never truly escaped her mouth. A headache started to form as she watched one of the doctors rubbing the defibrillators. There was a buzz in her ears and she could only hear bits and pieces of the conversations going on around her.

This wasn't right. This wasn't right.  
 _They_ had no right!

They had _no_ _right_ to rip Oliver back from his happy place on the hill. They had no right to force him into a life of hospitalization where he wasn't even able to read, talk or move on his own. Who was to say that the afterlife wasn't a far better place than this one?

Faintly she noticed that she was panicking, the real kind, where you started to hyperventilate. Suddenly there was a warm and comforting presence behind her, soon to be followed by Eric's arms coming out to gently hold her, his thumbs rubbing her upper arms in a circular movement – _wait, when did he get so close?_ She fought him off and leaped towards the doctor holding the peds instead, fighting the poor lad to the ground without too much of a resistance.

Frilly weak Erudites.

The other doctor, obviously shocked by her actions and probably fearing for his own fate, quickly hurried out of the room. Again, she felt Eric's arms embracing her – although this time less gently – as he lifted her up and away from the doctor on the ground. Had she still be fighting him?

There was blood.  
His nose. A split lip.

Perhaps more.

Her vision forcibly changed when Eric turned her around and made her look at him by ways of lifting her head up with his fingers around her chin. His hold on her was gentle again. More gentle than she would've expected it to be. His gaze earnest.

She looked away.

He was trying to tell her something - _mouthed_ her something – but the sound didn't get out.

Or perhaps it did – her ears were still buzzing after all.  
All she heard was noise. Words wouldn't be able to register in any case.

Vaguely, she noted how he grabbed her hand and let her out of there. Her gaze stayed upon her pale little brother in that hospital bed. Would this be the last time she'd ever see him? Would he be buried alongside her other siblings? Were they even buried? And if so, where? In Amity? She hoped so.

They were in the hallway now. Oliver had long since disappeared from view and the sight rapidly changed into a series of doors, walls and hallways. Keena stubbornly kept on staring at the general direction where Oliver must be laying right now, as if he could stand up and run after her at any moment now.

She wished she had kissed him goodbye.

They were outside now. Her arms covered in goosebumps.  
Was it cold outside? Apparently so.

Still the buzzing sound was there, inside her head, like the deafening sound of a waterfall, taking complete ownership of her mind.

She felt Eric's warm and comforting embrace again. He held her flush against him as they jumped inside a moving train. Who could do that? Jump while holding another person? Apparently Eric. He was _so_ strong. _Ridiculous_. She didn't want his embrace to be comforting, but it was. She hated it. _And she hated him_.

A falter in his steps as they landed inside the wagon had them both tumbling over. Their tangled limps were nothing short of familiar to them, although their usual setting involved a lot more sheets and sweat than the current metal floor provided.

Keena quickly crawled away from him. Away from his warmth and the safety and comfort he somehow represented. She didn't deserve it and it was a scam anyway. He wasn't safe. He lied to her. And would do so again, if given the same circumstances.

 _Arrogant_ _selfish_ _prick_.

Keena positioned herself in such a way that made it impossible for him to see her face. Instead, she opted for watching the landscapes pass by. She liked nature – always had – it was predictable. Unlike humans.

The shocking movements of the train caused Keena's head to hit the steely wall of the wagon repeatedly, but she was too deep in thought to even notice – let alone care. Instead, she leaned back against it as if it were the softest and most comfortable pillow in existence and looked far away into the distance.

Where would her mother be? Had she ever even grieved for her children? Or, if not grieved, cared for them at all? If so, she had a very peculiar way of showing it.

 _How could she just sign over the custody of her son to Jeanine of all people?!_

Keena was shaken out of her train of thought – the figure of speech one – when Eric pushed her, quite ironically, out of the literal one. Luckily, her reflexes made sure she landed somewhat safely enough. Sure, it could've gone a lot smoother and she would be sore tomorrow, but at least she was still alive.

 _That was still a good thing, right?_

She could only _assume_ that was a good thing, much unlike the bitter taste of blood and dirt currently inside of her mouth. Coughing up the sand that had made its way into her lungs, she spat it out, but she waited until the bouldering sound of the train had completely passed, before she dared to crawl up onto her knees and open her eyes.

What was this place? This wasn't Dauntless, she knew _that_ much. Nor was it any of the other factions if the desolation and overgrowth was anything to go by. The ruins and skeletons of the abandoned buildings surrounding her were even more eerie in the pale moonlight than they would've been at day time, although it gave her enough information to know she was still in the city.

Was this it then? Was she factionless now? Had Eric finally gotten enough of her and casted her out? The thought didn't seem as scary as it ones had. Perhaps she even preferred it. Just thinking of eating chocolate cake right now made her cringe.

 _Would she ever be happy again, knowing what she did now?_

She didn't get too much time to dwell on it when a dark shadow suddenly loomed over her and forced her upright by grabbing her in the neck.

 _Eric_. So he hadn't completely abandoned her just yet.

He dragged her behind him, neither him nor her saying a word. It was obvious he was pissed at her, although for what she couldn't even begin to guess. There were simply too many options. Perhaps it was because all of them.

 _Whatever_ – if any of them had the right to be mad at the other, it sure as hell was her. She loaded him so much right now.

They passed some corners and walked another few equally abandoned streets until he eventually led her into a building. It wasn't until they entered the elevator though, when she finally recognized the place. It was the building with the zipline leading straight to Dauntless. The tallest building in town. She had been here once before, after her win at Capture the Flag with some of the Dauntless born – the same night when she'd finally given in to her urges and to just let things happen between her and Eric.

What a fool she'd been.  
Had he already known her brother was still alive back then?

Eric pushed the button of the elevator – _top floor_ – nothing if not predictable. She regarded him for a moment. Nothing about his current stance seemed to divert from that very first day she'd laid eyes on him. He was still oozing power. He was still not to be trifled with. He was still just as dangerously looking as he'd always been.

Because of her familiarity with him, she had started to underestimate him.

Her mistake.  
Never again.

She quickly diverted her gaze. _He made her sick._

The time it took to reach top floor seemed to take forever and the hostile tension was thick in the air. He was looking at her, she could tell. Her skin always prickled wherever his gaze swept over her body and right now, he was stubbornly looking at her hair. The hair she was conveniently using as a shield to prevent him from looking at her face.

A small ping eventually broke the heavy silence. Praise the Lord – _finally –_ time to get out. She walked over towards the zipline, expecting it was some sort of short cut to the Headquarters, but Eric surprised her when he grabbed her upper arm and spun her back around roughly.

His mouth moved: Words. Sentences. He was talking a lot but she couldn't hear a thing. Not with the buzz, and sure as hell not with the immense feeling of hatred she felt for the man. It was simply _too_ much. _Too_ overwhelming to notice anything else.

But then he shook her. _Hard_. Both hands on her shoulders and he shook her, rattling her and making her somehow hear again.

"Damnit, Keena, wake the fuck up!"

And she did, all of her anger about to explode.

 **EPOV**

Eric shook the girl in front of him, desperate to get her out of that state of shock.

For the past week she had barely shown any signs of emotion at all. Even her friends had seemed quite concerned by it, which was saying a lot since Eric had never viewed them as particularly perceptive.

Either way, Eric had kept himself at the distance Keena clearly wanted him to be. She avoided him at all costs and never met his eye. And for a week, he had let her.

Eric had wanted to give her the space and time she needed to deal with her shit in her own way. Just because she walked around like an emotionless zombie didn't mean she was one. After all, hiding her emotions from the outside world seemed to be her signature move.

Besides, he was still very much pissed off at her stupidity to experiment with dosages and mixtures of serums. He had been – _was_ – beyond furious at her for risking her life like that, but he was also beyond angry at himself for even caring about her at all when she so clearly didn't care about neither him nor herself. So why the hell should he?!

She sure as hell didn't seem to want him to either.

So, Eric had given her space – or at least, the illusion of space. He had started watching from a distance, following her on the security camera's in the Dauntless headquarters. It was a breach of protocol and he could definitely lose his job over it if anyone found out, but he just hadn't been able to stop himself from checking up on her. He had needed some sort of sign to tell him she was – or would be – alright.

Just _one_ sign would suffice _._  
 _None_ came _._

As it turned out, the plan backlashed on him. The more he watched her, the more he grew convinced of her incapability to process whatever she'd went through and the more he had started to worry. Apparently, he had overestimated her character gravely. Regardless of what Keena probably thought, she wasn't being _strong_ by hiding her emotions, she was being _weak_. She wasn't _grieving_ like she ought to, she was _hiding_ herself from dealing with it.

When things got though, she ran.

Yet tonight, her anger and anxiety had somehow forced her to live in the present once more. She had been sharp and focused for hours at once. She'd been powerful and in control… but then, after her brother passed away she had slipped right back into her bubble of depression, blocking out all that was around her.

Eric could hardly imagine it possible that she would forget the deaths of her siblings a second time around. So he really didn't understand how she could be standing here in front of him with that far away look in her eyes, too far gone to think about anything. To _feel_ anything.

She needed to unleash. And soon too, before her numbness would turn into some chronic depression. He'd seen soldiers like that before: Silently wasting away because they were too proud, arrogant or scared to deal with their PTSD heads on… and those were worn soldiers, secured of their place in Dauntless. They didn't still need to prove themselves in that way initiates still had to. Like Keena still needed to.

Well, he couldn't just stand by and watch her throw her life away. Who knew how long it would take this time for her to snap out of it again?

So, here they were: on the rooftop of the tallest building in the city and he was shaking her shoulders, practically begging for her to wake the fuck up. For the tiniest of seconds, their eyes met, but it was a one way street. She wasn't looking back – not really, anyhow.

"Damnit, Keena, wake the fuck up!" He yelled in her face, shaking her shoulders even more roughly.

And suddenly, for some unexplainable reason, she did. He saw her eyes snap back to life, filling themselves with energetic sparkles of anger. Fury. Hatred. Well, _good_. Let her _feel_ something for a change.

"You vile bastard!" She spat, the hatred clear in her voice. Before he realized what was happening, she had already started fighting him, wrestling her shoulders free from his grip before throwing one of her fists into his general direction.

And then another.  
And another.

He blocked all of her advances in simple reflexes, which seemed to only incite her fury. Her legs were now in on the action to, trying to knee him in his crotch, stamp his toes or kick his shin.

"Did you know?" She gritted out, her jaws set as she fought him. "Did you know all along that Oliver was alive when we were _fucking around_?"

There was no point in lying. He had already confessed to it earlier that night, but apparently she needed a definite answer.

"You know the answer to that." He said bluntly, blocking one of her attempts by grabbing her by the elbow and forcing it in an unnatural movement that forced her to spin along with it.

"Yes or no." She barked, managing to shake him off and turning around to stand in front of him like some stubborn child, temporarily giving up her fight it seemed – for as far one could call it that.

"Yes."

"You! You… You should've –" She started, but broke off and looked away, apparently disgusted by the sight of him.

It was dark here, outside on the roof, but even in the moonlight he could still recognize the blood draining from her face. She was absolutely furious – and although he had wanted a reaction from her, he hardly thought she was the only one with a legit reason to be angry.

"I should've what?" Eric taunted, between blocks. "Told you?" He scoffed. "Yeah, I don't think so, Keena. My first instinct is to protect _my own_. The _Dauntless_. _Not_ their blood relatives. You can thank me later."

Keena choked out a hollow laugh that send shivers down his spine.

"That's rich, because _I_ thought I wasn't a Dauntless just _yet_." Keena hissed while taking another hit at his face. "You of all people kept reminding me of that fact actually."

"So what?" Eric flinched as she kicked his shin. "Now you want an apology for making you feel like you weren't good enough?" He grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back. Her chest was heaving as they looked at each other in pure loath, but it only took a second before she managed to escape his hold.

"Oh, come off it, _Coulter_!" Keena gritted, stomping on his foot while simultaneously throwing her elbow against his neck. "That wasn't my point!" So she was using last names now? Two could play that game.

"Then what _is_ the point, _Hyde_?" Eric snarled meanly, grabbing her hair and pulling it down so she was forced to bow down with it.

"Don't call me that!" Her eyes snapped up to him and flashed dangerously. For a second Eric was tempted to take a step backwards, but he resisted the urge and instead pushed down her head even more, until she was forced to kneel on the ground.

"It's your _name, Hyde._ " He rolled his eyes. "Unless you want me to call you _Amity_ again?"

Keena growled primitively – like a frustrated half-shriek, half-growl kind of sound – and somehow managed to jump up again. He would've been punched in the face had he not blocked the attack. The failed attempt was followed up by many more attempts and Eric would've been impressed by the speed of it all if he hadn't been so busy saving himself.

"I hate you!" She barked between fists and slaps, and for the very first time all of her walls had come crumbling down. "I trusted you and you betrayed me! I hate you. I fucking hate you, Eric!" Somehow her flat palm struck his cheek hard and she made quick use of it by burying her nails in his skin for additional impact. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" She repeated, her voice cracking with emotion now, while the hurt and betrayal was clear to see in the depths of her eyes. "I really do!" The latter was nearly a whisper.

Eric wavered in his blocks, temporarily frozen by her unexpected words. He knew they were just that – _words_ – but he couldn't seem to shake the intense ache in his chest he got as a result of hearing those words uttered by her. Over the years in Dauntless, many girls had told him they did, when they were offended that – _no_ , they _couldn't_ stay for coffee or breakfast – but this was the first time the word made an actual impact.

Keena, however, took advantage of his sudden distraction and jumped at him, making him waver in his defense. His step backwards, meant to stabilize his loss in balance, took a wrong turn when he stepped onto a loose object instead and toppled backwards with Keena on top of him.

Her hand was quick to find his throat – and more specifically his windpipe – and although she applied to little pressure to really do him any harm, she cut off his air supply enough for him to get pissed enough to stop the mere blocks and start an attack of his own. She was screeching at him all the while, shouting how much she hated him, how he should've told her sooner and how it wasn't fair. He was stronger, heavier, taller and more trained than she was, so their struggle didn't take too long before it ended with her pinned down underneath him, restricting her from all possible movements.

They were both breathing harshly, as their eyes met, but unlike other times when they had fought, it was clear that something had now shifted between them. The air wasn't loaded with sexual tension like it usually was, nor had the fight been exciting or thrilling in any way. Her eyes didn't spoke of challenge or regard either. No, if anything, they were cold and full of disgust – perhaps even hatred.

Eric suddenly felt very heavy, as if a massive concrete block of sadness was pushing down on him. Something between them had snapped. They – whatever it was 'they' represented – was over: Broken beyond repair.

"Keena…" He started in a plea, at the exact same time as Keena spoke:

"I hate you." She whispered, her eyes holding a stubborn loathe in them.

Immediately, he crawled of off, her and swiped the dust from his trousers.

"Well, you're not exactly my favorite initiate either, Amity." He sad in as bored a voices he could muster before turning around and securing himself to the zipline.

And then, without looking back at her, he jumped, letting the zipline take him back to Dauntless.

He was done chasing ghosts.


	41. Chapter 41: Ready?

**WARNING: There will be another short mention of rape in this chapter. If you're easily triggered, don't read the fear-landscape (or at least not the first part of it). Although I doubt any of the tender hearted readers are still following this story.**

 **Either way, enjoy.  
**

 **KPOV**

"Are you ready?" Four asked her, his eyes holding a warm regard as he stood next to her, the injection of fear serum in his hand.

Keena glanced over at the glass wall, behind which she knew her fellow initiates to be waiting for their turn. She then chanced a glance at the leaders, standing about ten meters away from her, stiffly watching the screen to start showing her fears.

Her eyes found Eric, but he wasn't looking at her – his eyes boring holes in the screen instead. He hadn't looked at her for over five weeks, apart from that one time two weeks ago, that is. And even than it was entirely against his own will.

 _Flashback two weeks ago_

 _Glancing at the clock in the corner of the training room – 4am – Keena wiped the sweat of her brow with her forearm before unclasping her boxing gloves. With Lara and Mira now both in official relationships and Eric avoiding her like the plague, she had literally no one to stop her from excessive training but herself. Something she would've cherished before, but it seemed unable to satisfy her now._

 _Because of her friends' dating lives, everything had changed within their group dynamics. Since barely anyone in their group of friends could tolerate Jasper for longer than a bare 5 minutes, Lara was pretty much forced to gravitate away from the group in order to spend time with him. Mira and Jonah were practically attached to each other 24/7 and although Maximus and Gale tried to include her in their less than interesting conversations, it just wasn't the same._

 _Perhaps it wasn't them who'd changed as much as it was Keena herself. Come to think of it, she had never really had any real friends in her life prior to coming to Dauntless and although she had tried stopping herself from caring to much, Mira and Lara had somehow worked their way up to irreplaceable figures in her life._

 _At the beginning of this year, Keena had hoped that keeping her new friends on an arm's length would make things easier for her. If she wouldn't grow too attached to them, she would be able to focus better on her own training and wouldn't have to deal with the loss of newfound friends that suddenly became factionless. She had thought that keeping things airy and fun, would do their friendship good, but she realized now how inexperience she'd been in the entire concept of friendship._

 _Friendship, as it turned out, was a two-way road. You had to give as much as you took, whether that something was love, trust, loyalty, kindness, or something completely else. But she had taken them for granted for way too long now. It was her own fault she supposed. She had kept mostly to herself throughout the past months: She had disappeared without notice more often than she could count, had remained very private about her life in Amity and although her friends all had been there for her when she'd been hospitalized after her – uh, 'serum experiment' – she still hadn't let them in on the what, how and why of things._

 _They had asked her about it once but hadn't dared to breech the subject again after Keena had flatly walked away at their 'intrusive' question. Keena knew how the suspense was wearing them down – and with it the friendship she shared with them. It wasn't as if she didn't_ want _to tell them, she just didn't know_ how _to._

 _How did one go about breeching such a subject anyway?_

 _"I experimented with some drugs only to find out my five much younger siblings were murdered right in front of me back in Amity. I somehow survived, but let me tell you, it was such a horrific blood bad my subconscious_ made _me forget about it."_

 _Yeah, no._

 _Besides, it wasn't as if Mira, Jonah and Lara – and hell, even Jasper – had completely disappeared from her life. They were still around and they always had lunch together as a given (without Jasper, that is), but it was still different._

 _She was happy for her friends, truly she was, but it also was quite lonely from time to time. Especially since it turned out to be very hard to watch their happy love lives while she – for some unexplainable reason – still wasn't over the likes of that infuriating leader that screwed her over._

 _Shaking her head, Keena walked out of the training room. It was annoying that she started her workout to forget about Eric and ended up thinking about him as soon as she stopped. Perhaps it was time to be the bigger person here. After all, he had been where she was now: She had ignored him for months while he so obviously had wanted to talk to her. The only difference was that while she had ignored him without a real proper reason, he was ignoring her because she had literally told him plenty of times how much she hated him._

 _Granted, she had been furious at him – and rightly so – for withholding valuable information from her. Information she should've been allowed to know… But although she would never agree with his point of view, the more she mulled things over, the more reasonable his way of acting got. She still didn't condemn it – never would – but she did concede she could understand where he had been coming from. Even if he was wrong. And it wasn't with bad intentions in mind. Even if he was an idiot._

 _She however, had been especially abominable towards him. Keena cringed every time she remembered how she had chanted at him how much she hated him. It wasn't exactly one of her finer moments so to speak, but she was more sensible now… Not that he stuck around to see that characteristic returning to her. He probably thought her to be an unreasonable child. Which is why her feet had taken her to his apartment. She needed to apologize for her behavior, even if he didn't apologize for his._

 _Breathing in once, she knocked on the door before she could rethink it. Eric opened not much later, wearing nothing other than his boxer shorts. His gaze swept over her in a lazily fashion, as if he barely cared either way._

 _"Yes?" He drawled semi-annoyed, semi-emotional. There was no hint of a smirk on his face. No gleam in his eyes. Nothing that told her, her presence affected him in any way at all._

 _"Eric." Her breath hitched. Having him in such close proximity again for the first time in three weeks made her suddenly very nervous. "I just – I just wanted to apologize for the other night. On the roof. What I said to you was inexcusable and –"_

 _"Eric who is it?" A feminine voice interrupted before a tall willowy brunette walked into view, her arms sneaking possessively around Eric's waist from behind. She was wearing two very much see-through pieces of lace to cover up her private parts – although covering just little enough for Keena to notice she had three lovely piercings on every sensitive bud out there. It was also clear she had put them on in a hurry. Right. Of course, Eric would be entertaining. It was a Saturday night after all. Not everybody trained until 4 in the morning…_

 _Keena shook her head and took a step back, her eyes shifting anywhere but at Eric. This was not the time to show emotion. She couldn't let him see this hurt her, not when he looked so smug with himself._

 _"Hey, aren't you that Amity transfer?" The girl asked intrigued. "The one with that caught the knife?"_

 _Keena pushed her lips together in what she hoped could pass off as a smile. "The one and only." She nodded, waving her hand at the girl so she could see the deep scar at the inside of her palm. "I was just – I – There was a fight amongst the initiates when I left. I figured I should get someone involved, but I guess I could get Four instead." The lie just tumbled out of her mouth, much to her relieve._

 _She didn't even get the chance to turn around before Eric snarled a sardonic "great idea" followed by the door thrown shut in her face. Keena grimaced. Well, there was no mistaken it now. If Eric ever harbored any kind feelings towards her, they were long since gone._

 _And if possible, Keena swore she felt her heart break just that tiny bit more._

 _End of flashback_

It was funny how memory changed over time though. Along with the emotion felt with it.

That night on the roof she had been plain angry, but in the days that followed it, her anger had sowly turned into relieve. She'd felt _relieved_ Eric finally took the hint and left her the fuck alone. Her year had been a rollercoaster and she had needed time to mule it all over and grieve in her own way about her losses.

But as days turned into weeks, that feeling of relieve quickly changed into shock. _Shock_ because he had just left her there, alone on the roof when she'd literally just lost her brother and then decided to painfully ignore back at Dauntless. She'd been grieving and he couldn't be bothered to be there for her. And the more she thought about that, the more her shock turned into _anger_. She was angry at him, yes, but most of all at herself. She couldn't _believe_ she'd been stupid enough to think he'd really care about her. She had been fooling herself, thinking there might be a decent person underneath that though exterior, like a sheep in wolf's clothes. But he was just a wolf. No act. Just a wolf and as traitorous as they came: Only loyal up to the point where they thought they would be a better leader.

Dauntless knew. They all knew how ruthless he was and she'd been carelessly playing with fire, thinking just because she'd been burned before, he wouldn't be able to hurt her. She'd been so careful closing herself of. And she had studied him. Thinking familiarity would never be able to hurt her.

How wrong she'd been.

She had trusted him and in return he robbed her of months she could've spend with Oliver. She should've been there for him. By withholding that valuable information from her, Eric had robbed her of the only thing that had kept her alive all this time: Her pride of being a good sister – the one thing in her otherwise meaningless and miserable life that had kept her going for all those years. She had wanted to make sure her siblings would never be as lonely as she had been for the biggest part of her childhood. She had wanted to make sure they were cherished and cared for. She wasn't perfect and she sure as hell had wept herself to sleep on more than one occasion during those years – hating the life she was living – but in the end it were her siblings – and her love for them – that forced her out of bed in the morning, putting back that smile on her face.

She knew she had failed as an older sister. She hadn't been able to protect and save them from the clutches of a lunatic on a killing spree. But Eric had robbed her of her only bit of pride left: The fact that she'd always been there to take care of them when they needed her to be there. Oliver had been fighting for his life for months and she hadn't been there to support him through it all. And that was _all_ on Eric. He _knew_ , he _could've_ told her and he _should've_ told her. But he was cruel.

Too cruel.

And she'd underestimated him.

So yeah, she was angry at herself for ever trusting that bastard. But most of all, she was angry for still feeling so damn sad about every time he ignored her in the hallways nowadays.

She hated herself for experiencing that total agony of what could only be classified as a broken heart. He somehow gained the ability to hurt her even without it being his fault. The memory of him alone was enough to make her heart ache.

 _She missed him_.

Throughout all the shit they had went through, she still missed him and was ready to forgive all of his stupid mistakes if it just meant he would seize the cold shoulder he was giving her. His silence as a punishment was the biggest torture of them all. She rather had him hitting her – beating her to a pulp of blood and bones – than have his silent treatment continuing any longer.

She would never agree with his stupid-ass decisions of keeping things from her, but all she wanted to do was to tell him exactly what she thought of him – _a cruel piece of shit_ – while he stood there, listening, before yelling one or two insults back to her.

But that was just a fantasy. He wouldn't be there to listen and he certainly wouldn't care whatever nasty names she would call him. He knew he was an asshole already, and if she told him the obvious, he'd probably only laugh at her to emphasize her point.

Before turning her back on her once more.

Lord help her, her private life was a mess. Although she supposed one good thing came out of it. After all, every downside had its upside, no matter how dire the situation looked.

In this case, it was her score board rank. Training wise, she had been sharper than ever these past five weeks. With all the emotional frustrations she could throw into her physical workout, she was not only doing good: She was _excelling_. She had also picked up her sessions with Four – normal dosages this time – to train herself through her fear landscapes just like all the other initiates were doing and she was doing _great_. She could get through all of them fairly quickly, even if some parts still tore her heart apart.

But perhaps it was her emotional investment that helped her to be quick as well: She trained harder than ever, because there was now more at stake than ever. She _needed_ to get into Dauntless, because not only did she _prefer_ a life as a Dauntless over a life as a factionless, she now _needed_ their training, weapons and resources to hunt down her despicable mother and the killer of her siblings and hold them responsible for what happened.

"Keena?" Four inquired again. "Are you ready?"

She forced her eyes away from the stark statue that was Eric and held Fours steady gaze.

"Yes." She chuckled emptily. "Never been more ready before."

And with those words she fell into her by now familiar fear landscape.

 **Fear-landscape**

The thing about reliving your worst fears had it's advantages. Where Keena imagined other initiates to feel like they would die of their phobias, Keena knew for a fact she was able to survive them.

She already had, after all.

The more she had trained to go through them, the more she had started to recognize what the landscapes represented. Her first landscape – the rape scene – represented her fear of having no control over her body. She was restricted and forced to do things she wished not. It was the most easy fear of all. Not only because it was the fear she had practiced most in the past few months, but also because she'd been dealing with this fear in real life for much longer than that. Her sex adventures with Eric were a perfect example of her worst fear… and yet with him she had enjoy every second of it.

She was fucked up like that she supposed.

Keena calmed her nerves as the hands roamed over her, groping, clutching and scratching her skin in an uncomfortable way. It didn't take long before Menno appeared, who this time forced her on her knees before thrusting his member relentlessly inside her throat. She ignored the gag reflex and the nauseating smell of his dirty sweaty cock and instead focused on the task at hand.

She bit down forcefully and he cried out, quickly backing away from her. But it was too late. He screamed like a lady as he watched the pool of blood form on the ground. His hand shaking as he held his deformed member. Keena spit out the tip, before quickly attacking the man further. She hadn't been a little girl in ages, and she wasn't about to start now.

He was dead within a second.

Moving through the door, Keena braced her for what was to come. Her second landscape – the one where she couldn't get to her crying siblings – represented her fear of having no control over a situation. She didn't even bother anymore to try the disappearing doors by now, but instead opted to immediately calm herself down by blocking out the noise. Sometimes accepting the fact that you were useless was the bravest thing to do.

It certainly was the hardest.

The noise of her crying siblings stopped, and although Keena was glad for it, she also felt trepidation for what it's replacement would be. The man with the bloodshot eyes had never reappeared since her experiment with both truth serum and fear serum, but the rest of her fear had. The bloody and mutilated corpses of her siblings fell from the ceiling one by one, burying her underneath them while voices of the people she cared about chanted about her worthlessness and incompetence. During training over the past couple of weeks, more and more voices had added to the bunch. Not only were her siblings the only ones to call her murderer or told her she deserved to die, but they were now joined by name callings by her friends and the snarling sound of Eric telling her she wasn't worth shit.

She even heard her own voice a couple of times.

It wasn't hard to imagine what this third landscape represented. She was quite literally buried underneath guilt, shame and sorrow. This landscape wasn't as much a fear as it was an emotion. She was afraid of her own guilt, and that loved once might never forgive her. Perhaps it was the fear of rejection.

Even though she'd been through her fear landscape many times now, Keena still couldn't comprehend how this wasn't her last and worst fear. Seeing the bodies of her siblings like this, falling from the sky like creepy Halloween puppets must've been the worst thing she'd ever seen. She never got through this fear without vomiting at least once, and this time wasn't an exception.

At the sight of Marilee with ripped out eyes, her stomach turned and there was no way back. She fell to the ground, vomiting, before another body landed on top of her. And then another, right on top of her head, making her fall forward in the puddle of blood and vomit in front of her.

Her head was throbbing as she tried to get up and underneath the bodies of her siblings.

"Murderer!" She heard Lara's voice whisper with venom in her voice.

"Liar!" Thomas called out to her.

"Just die already, Amity." Eric chuckled.

"What a waist." Mira giggled.

For a moment, Keena wanted to give up. Perhaps they were right. What had she accomplished in her life? Nothing that she hadn't messed up one way or another. But then another voice appeared.

"You're worth _nothing_." She heard her mother's cold and detached voice quip.

And it gave Keena the drive to go on. She hadn't been able to save her siblings and she would forever have to live with that guilt, yes, but there were at least two other guilty people out there that deserved to be hold responsible for their deeds. She had to make it out of this fearlandscape. She couldn't end up factionless!

With renewed energy and strength, she clawed her way through the corpses, finding the window and shattering her elbow through it as hard as she could. Shards of glass cut deep into her arms, stomach and legs as she forced herself through the hole in the window before she fell down, leaving the rain of bodies behind her.

The clinical white room she fell into, no longer surprised her. Nor was she betrayed by the seemingly kind smile on the Amity woman's face. Forgoing conversation with the lady, Keena just laid back, bracing herself for the horrid placid smile that would soon be forced upon her face.

Her fourth landscape – where she was forced to laugh through excruciating pains and sorrows – was less easy to decipher: It could be equally a fear of having no control over her emotions, as well as it could be a fear of not being able to feel all. And it was as horrid as all the other times she had practiced going through this particular phobia.

The Amity lady with the warm smile shoved the pink liquid down her throat, forcing Keena to swallow – unless she decided to prefer drowning in it. She forced her eyes close, not wanting to see the disturbing smileys or hears on the ceiling. She also didn't open her eyes when the tickling sensation on her leg started, knowing it would be the vulgare eating her alive. It wasn't until another vulgare started to eat her cheek, Keena was forced to watch – all the way giggling and smiling – how a bunch of blood thirsty birds were feasting on her.

The sound of her hysterical laughter was eerie in the otherwise silent room. She wanted to cry and scream out in pain, or sob about the scene she'd just escaped, but all Keena was able to do was to watch – to watch _and_ _laugh_ – as her stomach was torn open and her bowles were eaten out right in front of her.

Oh, the joys of peace serum.

Keena tried to focus on anything else. She needed to calm down instead of panic at her lack of pain. But all she could think about when she wasn't watching the birds, was the fresh memory of the mutilated corpses of her siblings… Perhaps this was the reason why this fear always came after the other one. Perhaps she was afraid of becoming an emotionless zombie if she didn't dealt with her sorrows head on.

She was tired of running from her emotions.  
Had been, for a long time.

And without realizing she had managed to already, Keena escaped from her fear landscape.

 **End of fear-landscape**

The room was icily silent as she fluttered her eyes back open, her eyes meeting Four's first, who was hovering over her with a grimace on his face.

"You did good." He whispered with a small nod, helping her up from her chair. And then louder so the leaders could hear: "You've now finished your initiation. There is nothing you can do about your scores any more. You are excused for the day, until the leaders will present the score board at seven tonight. Don't be late."

Keena nodded, quite touched by the warm look in Four's gaze. He had been a real help to her these past weeks and although it normally went against everything she stood for, she felt the sudden urge to just hug him.

Not that she did, of course.  
But she could.

It was obvious he was rooting for her to get in, and seeing how little people were a fan of hers nowadays, it warmed her heart to know he cared.

 _Flashback_

 _"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked when she showed up for her fear-landscape the first time after that whole ordeal with her being hospitalized thanks to her little experiment._

 _"Absolutely. Why ever wouldn't I be?"_

 _He looked her up and down, frowning. "I think you deserve a break from your own fears."_

 _"Why? I don't want a break. I want my own landscapes. You know, the ones I actually need to face to get into Dauntless as a full member."_

 _"Keena, you don't have to be strong_ all _the time. This is room is a safe place. You can be true to your feelings here."_

 _Keena raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to tell me my true self is_ weak _?" She snapped annoyed._

 _"_ No _." Four emphasized. "I'm just saying, fear landscapes are developed for the sole reason to scare the shit out of you. It's okay to show you experience anxiety. It's okay if you don't want to face your own fears so soon again."_

 _"The others are doing it."_

 _"The others didn't go through their fear-landscape for 48 hours straight." Four considered her for a second._ _"If you want, you could also go through my landscapes today."_

 _"I feel that's way too personal but thank you." She hoped her lips conveyed a smile. In truth, she just really wanted to go through her own fears. How else was she supposed to catch up with the rest of the group? "I just want to focus on my own, alright?"_

 _"Keena."_

 _"Four."_

 _He quirked an eyebrow, obviously aggravated. She couldn't care less._

 _"No, Four. You have no idea what you are talking about. I'm not scared. You can only be scared of things that can happen to you. But guess what? My fucking fears already did happen. I'm not scared. I'm fucking furious and ready to train."_

 _Four took a deep breath before answering her. "Fine. But only normal dosages."_

 _Keena grimaced. "I wouldn't want it any other way."_

 _End of flashback_

With a small smile directed at Four, Keena hurried out the room, making sure to avoid all sight of Eric – and all the other leaders for that matter – on her way out. Even from the corner of her eyes she wouldn't be able to see him right now. She didn't want to see any of his stoic looks or smirks. Or his dominating stance. Or the gleam in his eyes.

The truth was, she felt ashamed. Ashamed and annoyed he had seen all that – her deepest and darkest fears. He had seen them all. And although she wanted nothing more than to have his calming presence near her, she also knew she was deluding herself with the idea – or hope – that he actually cared. He was a sadist. He enjoyed the discomfort and pain of others. There was no doubt in her mind he was enjoying hers at present as well.

And there was no way she would stick around to see it.


	42. Chapter 42: Restoring Lost Balance

**Thanks for the sweet reviews!**

 **Here's another chapter. ;) Take your time with it, because we all know how unreliable I am with updates.**

 **Hope you enjoy and please review!**

 **Love,**

 **ZPOV**

"Hold up, little K." Zeke jogged toward the blonde girl rushing through the hallways.

It was funny how the nickname rolled of his tongue as if it were a natural occurrence - as if they were friends and he'd always called her as such – but he supposed he'd always had a way with words. And people in general.

But not today. Not now. He wasn't here to make friends. For once he wasn't even here to be _friendly._ He was here to get answers – and if not answers, a promise to leave Eric alone for once and for all. He might not be the person entitled to the information he wanted to know, but he was the best friend of the guy who _was_ and since Eric himself seemed unable to demand them from her, Zeke would do it for him. Unbeknown to Eric, that is.

It was only fair.

Every friendship has a certain balance. As kids and teenagers that balance is simple. When you enjoy the same stuff, you hang out together: You bond over mutual interests and _things:_ A hobby, a band, a book, a movie or for the Erudites amongst us; an outstanding academic grade. But in the end the entire friendship is solely based on extern factors. The friendship is shallow and will fade once one will lose interest in the common ground one shared with a friend.

For adults its more complicated than that. No longer do you seek out persons who have mutual interests, per se. It's nice if your interests align somewhat, but it's not always a necessity. Sometimes even explicitly not. Lasting friendships are more based on intern factors. A certain balance in character: What can one learn from another? And what can one teach?

It is a more delicate situation.

Like the friendship between him and Eric – and perhaps even Alijah – although admittedly, he'd only hung out with Alijah because of their mutual friendship with Eric. So he guessed his friendship with Alijah was of a shallow base.

Either way, the friendship between him and Eric had been disrupted and it was all because of the blonde in front of him, currently turning around to face him. Over the past 8, almost 9 years, Zeke and Eric had created a certain balance. Eric was a brute: Ruthless, unnecessarily mean – and honest to God – quite fucking frighting from time to time. What he _didn't_ was – and never had been – was emotionless.

Despite all of his best attempts to look like it, Eric did have feelings. He had a deep loathing for other people's bullshit – _yes_ – but he was also an extremely loyal friend. He would call you out on your bullshit, forgoing all forms of subtleness and kindness, but he would do so in your face. Not a bad word would pass his lips about a person he cared for behind said person's back. Eric was a guy that would stab your eyes out without blinking, but he would never stab one in your back.

Zeke appreciated that. He himself was in no way as brutal as Eric was – and quite frankly, he didn't want to be – but his kindness was often mistaken for weakness. Zeke had a friendly and somewhat flamboyant personality. People had taken advantage of that in the past and even though his jovial demeanor didn't show any signs of it, it had had it's effect on him.

Zeke had many friends. He could get along with pretty much anyone and everyone, but it was only a handful of those friends he truly trusted with his life. Eric being one of them. Eric had protected him before – more times than Zeke cared to admit – and he knew for a fact he would do it again in a heartbeat.

The balance in their friendship was obvious: Zeke provided fun, air, casual conversation - anything to do with relaxation – and Eric – the brutally ruthless dauntless leader Eric – ironically as it was, provided a sense of security and safety.

Or used to.

Ever since he and his Amity had broken things off, Eric had been out of control: The fights in the basement had increased, his normally already short temper was pretty much nonexistent nowadays and although he'd always been mean, but now their was something vicious to his demeanor too.

It was getting out of hand.

And what was worse, it was over _a girl_ of all things.

Ironically enough, Zeke had always hoped that a girl would break that seemingly emotionless persona his friend persisted on portraying. A girl that would be able to crack that mask of unfazed boredom and annoyance. But never in his life had he imagined the possibility of a change for the worse. Nor could he have predicted that the girl in question was some flower hillbilly from Amity.

A nobody.

Or at least she was supposed to be. What could she possibly have to offer him? Why the hell was his friend so hung up on her, even after months of radio silence between the two? And most importantly: Why the hell didn't she want him?

Most girls in Dauntless would kill for a night with Eric Coulter, let alone more than one. At first Zeke had figured Eric had been too rough with her. That a delicate Amity flower couldn't handle all the fierceness that was Eric... But that still didn't explain his reluctance of getting over her.

Of course Eric was no help in providing him any insight.

If nothing else, at least his loyalty seemed to remain untouched. He was characteristically silent about their entire falling out. Not a single bad word had passed his lips about the Amity. In fact, Eric hadn't spoken a word about her at all. He had persisted on ending all conversation before it even started when Zeke or Tori tried to talk to him about her.

Except for that one night, that is.

 _Flashback: 7 weeks ago_

 _Zeke furrowed his brows as he stepped into the control room, the unpleasant smell of warm beer filling his nostrils._

" _Waylon?" He asked, squinting his eyes in the dark, searching for the newbie._

 _If that little fucker had partied here during his night shift, he had another thing coming. But as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Zeke realized Waylon was nowhere in sight. The figure in front of the screens didn't even come close to a representation of the newest security guard in the control room._

 _Too tall.  
Too broad.  
Too muscular. _

_Too Eric._

" _What the hell are_ you _doing here?" Zeke snarled, some relief washing over him for not having to fire his newest employee. He kinda liked that little fucker. Sometimes anyway. "And where the fuck did you leave Waylon?"_

" _You mean that little spineless stick Candor dumped on our doorstep last year?" Eric spun around in his chair, his face a mask of pure boredom. "I told him to piss off."_

 _The lad had been a Dauntless for almost four years now, but if Zeke had learned anything at all in these past eight years of friendship with Eric, it was how to pick his battles. And Waylon certainly wasn't worth it._

 _Shaking his head, Zeke took in the glassy look in Eric's eyes, as well as the strong odor of beer surrounding his mate. Both telling him exactly how out of this world pissed Eric was at present._

 _Erics eyes snapped back to the security camera's, and Zeke followed his gaze._

" _Goddamnit Eric! Is that the Amity again?" Zeke rushed to put out the screens, but Eric stopped him by way of roughly pushing him away with his free hand._

" _Leave it." He barked, his eyes transfixed on the screens._

 _God, this was bad. The total breech of privacy was one thing – it wasn't as if Zeke hadn't broken some rules regarding that issue before as well – but the fact that these 20(!) screens were_ all _displaying the same girl was another._

 _For as far Zeke could make out, about seven or eight displayed the girl during various times this week. Some during daytime, others during nighttime. Her activities nothing out of the ordinary: Mostly just walking, he supposed. The other twelve screens where displaying several images of her and Eric together – obviously from longer ago – and for a tiny moment there, Zeke was mesmerized by the sight of Eric holding hands with the amity as they run through the hallways before Eric pushed her into an alcove, ready to kiss or god knows what else._

 _Zeke raised an eyebrow in silent request at his friend, but Eric didn't even notice. He had his eyes transfixed on the sole screen displaying the Amity straight from the live security footage. She was sitting on the bridge over the Chasm, her feet bungling over the edge, her eyes transfixed to the water rushing down._

 _She was brave. He would give her that much._

" _Come on, Eric. What do you think you'll gain by this?" Zeke asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he looked around the room. At least a dozen bottles and cans surrounding them. A few were still half-full – by now warm and smelly._

 _Eric didn't respond, so he tried again._

" _She's not worth it mate. Not if she turns you into this." Zeke sighed, reaching for a few of the empty beer cans on the desk and throwing them into a nearby bin. Beer wasn't usually Eric's first choice of booze: Zeke could only imagine he had run out of the strong liquor earlier that night. "All this drinking and for what? Some chit from Amity? You could have any girl you want–"_

" _Not her." Eric interjected with a scoff, his voice betraying the smallest hint of petulance for those who knew him well enough._

" _Who cares?!" Zeke exclaimed, hoping to talk some sense into his friend. "You fucked her for a good few weeks, good on you! So what, that's over now? You're Eric Coulter for fuck's sake. Most exciting leader of Dauntless. There's a line of woman currently wanking themselves off over the fantasy of you fucking them into the matress. Plenty of fish in the sea."_

 _Eric nodded his head in consent, while obviously not having listened to a word said. His eyes were glued to the screen as much as his lips seemed to be to that bottle of beer in his hand. But as soon as Zeke reached for the button to turn of the screens, the cool – if not somewhat frozen – exterior snapped._

" _Do **not** touch those." He hissed with such venom, Zeke automatically took a step back. Eric closed his eyes – his way of apologizing – and pinched the bridge of his nose. He sighed deeply and ordered his thoughts before he spoke again. "I _need _to see her, Zeke. I just need to... I just – I need to understand."_

" _Understand what?" Zeke asked, genuinely confused._

" _Exactly." Eric chuckled darkly, his eyes still glued to the screens. "She is making a fool out of me," Eric's eyes darted around the different screens as he dropped his voice to a low whisper. "_ Every-fucking-where _I go_. _" He emphasized, burying his face in his hands. "Every giggle, every memory, every hallway... And for what?! She's not happy. I've seen her happy, Zeke, and this isn't it!" He spat at the screens uselessly. His finger pointing in a accusing manner. "She barely sleeps. Or eats. Hell, she barely_ smiles _anymore! Smiles! Not even the fake ones! She used to smile_ all _the time! Always."_

 _Zeke listened to his ramble in silence. He had no clue what Eric was going on about, nor did he think Eric himself knew exactly, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that it were the drunk words from a man that before tonight had seemed incapable of expressing any kind of emotion other than annoyance or blatant anger._

 _A man that was deemed unbreakable._

 _And yet here he stood; dejected and angry in a very lonely way. All of his usual attempts to craft his voice into something emotionless had been disregarded and replaced by some kind of fury and perhaps a tat of something else._

 _Something more raw._

 _Desperation?  
Or perhaps it was worry?_

 _Whatever it was, it was so unlike him Zeke hardly recognized his friend anymore, who was – by the way – still prattling about the chit._

" _I just thought... If I rewatched it – I could..." Eric exclaimed with force, forcing himself upright in his chair as his eyes were glued to the screen. "Like why ignore me when it makes us both miserable?!"_

 _Now_ that _got his attention._

" _You're miserable?!" Sure, it didn't take a genius to see Eric was – in fact – as miserable as they came, but the fact that the man in question acknowledged it himself... It was strange to say the least. But Eric only granted him a dark look and swiftly stopped his drunken tirade – finally realizing what he had been admitting to. "You truly worry about her then?" Zeke continued, ignoring the dark look. "I mean, You actually care about her?"_

 _In response, Eric roughly pushed his chair back and shot up, briskly stalking away from the screens and Zeke's inquisitive stare. The bottle in his hands was thrown through the room against a wall and broke into a million little pieces. Shards and beer flying everywhere._

 _But the denial never came._

 _So he loved her then._

 _Of course, somewhere deep down Zeke had already thought as much, but it was still Eric they were talking about: The possibility he'd only been obsessing over her because of some immature power play had never been truly off the table. Not up until now._

 _Until now, there had been a chance Eric's unhealthy obsession with the girl originated not from feelings but from the fact that Keena was the only initiate unfazed enough by Eric's tough persona to rub him in the wrong way. Perhaps Eric's painfully big ego just couldn't have left it at that. Perhaps she'd simply been his favorite toy._

 _For now._

 _But this was as much an admittance Eric was ever going to give about his feelings and for a moment there, all Zeke could feel was sympathy._

 _Eric had had a tough life. Zeke didn't know any specifics and he doubted anyone really did, but it was clear he'd been carrying the world on his shoulders for a lot longer than his position here as a leader. It had made him impatient and at times unnecessarily cruel, but it also made him efficient._

 _In a crisis, Eric was the one you wanted to follow. Not the other leaders. Not even Max. They lacked decisiveness and although they might be more fun company, their moral compass was further off. Without doubt._

 _Eric was a visionary. He had the best of intentions for the people he cared about and he cared about the faction. He would have no trouble going against the grain when he believed it would lead to a better outcome. Eric wouldn't mind stepping on anyone's toes – in fact he would enjoy it – if it meant the world would get better because of it. Eric stepping on anyone's toes just happened to include violence, torture and – if really necessary – murder._

 _He was ruthless like that. He earned his name well._

 _But he wasn't without moral. Or feelings._

 _And he sure as hell didn't deserve caring about someone who didn't for one bit care about him._

 _Keena was an Amity. She didn't understand sacrifice or how it hardened a person. Not yet. Perhaps one day she would learn – if she was lucky enough to make it into Dauntless – but until than, she was entirely undeserving of Eric's attentions, efforts and protection._

 _Taking in the sight of Eric – who by now, in his intoxicated state, stood on unbalanced legs with his head resting against the wall in a desperate attempt to keep himself upright – Zeke grimaced._

 _For months he had watched the development of dark circles under Eric's eyes – the only physical indication of a nearing breaking point. Sure, his increased participation in fights in the Basement had also attested to the fact something was going downhill – and quickly – but this: seeing his normally unfazed mate so emotionally out of control... It was hard to watch._

" _Perhaps it's time to let her go." Zeke offered. "Perhaps you two just weren't meant to be."_

 _He meant that. They had been sleeping together for what? A few weeks or so? And she never even once stayed the entire night for as far Zeke knew. On some nightshifts at the control room, he'd seen her slip in or out of his room in the middle of the night._

 _He had put it down as Eric being Eric: The guy never liked it when hookups stayed over so he'd probably ordered her out right after sex. Now he wasn't so sure anymore: Perhaps it was out of their fear of getting caught. Although sleeping with an initiate wasn't strictly forbidden per se, it wouldn't gain her a lot of respect amongst the Dauntless if word got out she'd been sleeping with a leader. That, and his judgement would be questioned._

 _Whatever the reason for their sneaky hookups, one could hardly call it a relationship._

 _It was just a shame Eric had never been in love before. The emotionally complex leader would probably not soften up to anyone else in the near future – if at all – but he'd survive his heartbreak one way or another._

 _After all, losing a lover had thus far never stopped the world from spinning, and as long as the universe didn't change its mind about that law-of-order, Zeke was pretty convinced there was no such thing as destiny or faith._

 _Eric would find other chit someday. Or not.  
But in any case, it was time to move on from this one. _

" _Come on. Let's get you home." Zeke pushed his stumbling friend towards the door. Eric grunted his consent while falling into a wall, knowing full well when to face defeat._

 _And so their walk began. Sort of._

 _It was a peculiar – if not a somewhat embarrassing – sight to behold: In his intoxicated state, Eric's feet didn't seem to be able to carry his large and heavy body all that well. As often the case with alcohol, it only truly hits you as soon as you stand up and this time seemed to be no exception to that rule. However, when Eric tripped over his own feet for the fourth time in less than five minutes, he didn't get up immediately but instead started chuckling bitterly at the floor beneath him._

 _Zeke hissed for the bystanders to 'move the fuck along' before kneeling down by his friend at the floor._

" _I miss her." Eric admitted quietly, sounding almost as if he was being strangled. He stared at the floor – that was, for him, undoubtedly spinning. "Alijah fucked up_ everything. _"_

 _Right! Alijah had **also** been in love with the chit – or still was, who knew really? - Zeke had forgotten about that. He didn't know Keena that well, but after seeing two of his friends change for the worse over her, he was getting more and more prejudiced against her. And he sure as hell didn't appreciate her influence in their group dynamic. _

_The more he thought about it, the angrier he got._

 _Who did she think she was?_

 _She was_ nobody _! Just some spoiled and entitled amity girl that just took whatever she wanted from people and left them behind destroyed. Alijah had been fooled. Eric had been fooled. And Four too seemed enamored with the chit. But Zeke sure as hell wouldn't let her sweet looks fool him._

 _She was a selfish bitch who could only think about herself. She might be good at fighting, but that wouldn't make her a good soldier. Zeke really didn't think she'd had it in her to sacrifice herself for the greater good._

" _It can't be all Alijah's fault." Zeke offered him a hand to get up and together they walked the last 100 meter to Eric's front door. "Amity isn't exactly all chocolate cake either."_

 _Eric made an amused noise in the back of his throat, apparently thinking something was funny about the statement, as he struggled to get the door open. Zeke tried to take the keys from his fumbling hands, but Eric pushed him away aggressively._

" _Fuck off, Zeke. I'm not a baby."_

" _Could've fooled me." Zeke mumbled, as Eric finally managed to open the door, stumbling straight for the couch while leaving the door open for Zeke to enter._

" _I want her gone." Eric suddenly snarled with venom as he fell back into the cushions. "She's my new Fred, you know." Referring to the mouse that had plagued Eric's apartment a few years back. Eric had tried trapping – and later even killing – the little gnawer, but failed so many times until he eventually gave up and named the little fucker. "I wanted her gone from the beginning but somewhere along the way she grew on me. Like weeds."_

 _Zeke laughed out loud, because well, yeah. Adequate description._

" _And than to think I thought I might even love her. A bit." Eric chuckled evilly, avoiding all forms of eye contact with his mate. "But if this is love, I rather rip my own lungs out and feed them to the factionless... Have you ever felt something like that?"_

 _Zeke sighed and walked over to the kitchen, taking two glasses and some brandy from the cabinets. If they were really going to have this touchy-feelsy conversation, he needed some liquor too._

" _Can't say that I have." Zeke said, sitting down in the chair next to the couch Eric was on._

 _Eric grimaced, taking a glass from Zeke's out-stretched arm. They clinked their glasses before either taking a sip._

" _Well, plenty more fish in the sea." Zeke stated. "You'll forget about her soon enough." Or so he hoped._

 _Eric nodded but kept his silence. It wasn't after minutes of silence – it could've easily been half an hour too, Zeke couldn't really tell for sure - that he spoke again._

" _I think she might be the one for me." Eric swallowed, staring intently off into nothingness._

" _That's..." Zeke didn't know exactly how to respond. Eric had never believed in that bullshit before. "Wow." He finally settled on lamely._

" _Yeah, well. It's too late now." Eric chuckled bitterly. "I fucked up and I don't even know how."_

 _Zeke snorted. That was highly unlikely. Eric was an asshole, yes, but he was an_ aware _asshole. He just didn't give a shit when he was being one. Hell, he_ enjoyed _being one._

" _I hardly think that's the case." Zeke hesitated before continuing. What he was to say was a delicate situation. Eric needed to hear it, but he was slightly worried about how he would take it. "Keena is... The way she played you and Alijah–"_

" _Don't even go there." Eric ordered hotly, sitting up straight as his eyes flashed with something dangerous."You don't know **what** **the** **fuck** you're talking about."_

" _Wow, easy mate. I'm just saying-"_

" _That's the problem." Eric snapped. "Don't say shit when you have no idea what the_ fuck _you're talking about. You have no_ idea. _"_

" _Then tell me." Zeke countered, challenging him. "Go on, tell me what the fuck is_ so _special about her, that she has both you and Alijah wrapped around her little finger like you're both some wussies." Zeke shot angrily, the alcohol starting to have an effect on him too now. "The way I see it, is that she's nothing more than a spoiled little brat, leading both of you on and enjoying it-"_

 _In a flash, Eric was up and hovering over him, his hands around his throat. "You should go." Eric spat in his face, practically throwing Zeke through the room towards the door. "Out. **Now.** "_

 _Zeke couldn't help it. He was as much angered by his friends outburst as he was intrigued. Eric had never acted this way before – especially not over something as lame as a lass – a fucking Amity one at that. The fact that he was_ choosing _to protect her even when she was making him fucking miserable was perplexing. Eric had never been one to get pussy-whipped, let alone when he hadn't been getting any for weeks now._

 _She had something on him.  
Something he wasn't willing to share._

 _Perhaps it was time to have a little conversation about it with Keena, because Zeke wouldn't stand for his friend's unhappiness any longer. And she was either going to give him some fucking answers or he'd make sure she would at least leave his friends – both Eric and Alijah – alone 'till the end of time._

 _Eric must've recognized the look of interest on his face because within a second he was in his face again, breathing fire._

" _Oh, no." He chuckled darkly. "Don't. Even. Think about it. I mean it." He warned with such authority Zeke was actually frightened by his mate for once. A bit. Still, it was enough to render him silent for the moment. "You leave her alone, do you hear me? Like you said to me before; let her focus on initiation."_

 _Right he_ had _said that._ Weeksago _, when he hadn't known she would turn his best and usually ruthless mate into a puddle of sniffing crybaby. It had been going on for months now! Months! Someone had to put an end to this madness already. They had only been sleeping with each other for a few weeks, for Christ's sake! Some things just really weren't meant to be._

 _Get the fuck over it already._

" _Zeke. If I so much as hear a whisper that you said_ hello _to her in the hallways, I'll make your life a living hell." With those last words Eric slammed the door shut in his face._

 _Well then. He would leave her alone for the time being: Let her focus on initiation, just like Eric asked of him – or ordered him really... but not a moment longer._

 _End of flashback_

As the blonde turned around, Zeke realized it was probably the worst possible timing for him to start this conversation. She had literally _just_ come out of her fearlandscape, and the dark circles and haunted eyes only added to her look of emotional exhaustion, but he had been waiting for this moment for _months_ now, and for all his virtues, patience really wasn't one of them.

"Zeke." Keena acknowledged with a tired nod of her head when he reached her, holding the door open for the both of them, but he pulled her back into the hallway. Not wanting any people to overhear their conversation. Confused green eyes snapped to his, but understanding quickly dawned onto them. Along with annoyance.

"Let me guess, you finally mustered up the courage to talk to me about my... history with Eric."

"How could you tell?" Zeke grinned.

"You've been glaring at me for months. Get to it."

"Wow. Hold your horses, girl. Looks like someone really doesn't enjoy small talk." Zeke joked in an attempt to keep things airy.

His heart wasn't in it.  
Neither was hers.

"And it looks like someone is trying to beat about the bush anyway, even when I _just_ hinted my preference for straightforwardness." Keena shot back, in no mood for his antics. "I literally just came out of my fearlandscape Zeke. I'm tired. Drained. Exhausted. So get to it already or leave me be."

Zeke threw up his hands in defeat. "Alright, love. No need to get your knickers in a twist. I thought you liked talking to me."

She didn't even spare him a glance as she walked away, ending the conversation.

"Wait, wait! I'm sorry. Yes, I wanted to talk about Eric." Zeke admitted quickly and she turned around again. Her exhaustion just as visible as before.

She sighed.

"And you want me to respond how exactly? A: Gleeful, now that I finally have someone willing to listen to my every thought about him? B: Sad, because instead of getting the person himself, I only get his lousy friend? Or C: Angry, because no one seems to leave me the fuck alone and continues to stick their noses where they don't belong, especially since any history between me and Eric lays in a far - far away - past."

"Option B is a falsehood, since I am in no possible scenario a lousy friend. And although I really wish it were option A, I get the distinct feeling you already decided on C yourself."

"Please, tell me all about your job as a mind-reader." She deadpanned, the sarcasm just dripping from her words.

Alright. That was kind of witty. He could kinda understand why Eric had fallen for her: He finally found someone who could put him in his place and not think twice about it. They were perfect for each other.  
You know... If she wouldn't be so extremely self-centered. He had to keep reminding himself of that. He wasn't usually an aggressive or unkind person. People liked him and he liked people and he was pretty sure if Keena and him met under different circumstances, he would've liked her too.

But they didn't.

She broke two of his friends' hearts.

"What do you have on him?" Zeke ordered, conjuring his voice into one of more authority than he normally displayed and he was annoyed to note the look of pure confusion on her face. "Nah-ah. Those big Bambi eyes won't work on me."

Keena laughed some eerie, humorless laugh, apparently thinking something funny about the statement. "I don't have anything on him, Zeke." She sighed, completely serious. "We used to fuck and now we don't. End of story."

"And why don't you anymore?" Zeke prodded, hoping a different approach would lead to more answers. After all, one won more flies with honey than with vinegar, right?

"Why should I tell you anything?! Because you want me to? Because you just woke up today and decided that you wanted to know some private story only Eric and I are entitled to? Go ask him if you want t know so badly. He's your friend, not I."

"You and I both know he won't tell me shit!" Zeke exclaimed frantically.

"And I would?" Keena chuckled without cheer. "Why should I care what you want? Why should I comply to your wishes when you have nothing – and I mean _nothing_ – to do with it?" She spun around again to leave, but Zeke couldn't leave it. He wasn't quick to get angry, but right now he was.

"Because I _do_ , Keena! I _do!_ I fucking do have something to do with it!" He bellowed, making her stop dead in her tracks. "Eric is my best friend. He is snarly and arrogant and genuinely, he annoys the shit out of me, but he is my _best_ _fucking mate,_ even if I will deny ever having said that. And right now he is fucking miserable and he won't talk to no one about it!" Zeke stroked a hand through his hair and sighed. "The only thing I know for sure, is that it has to do with you. So _please_ , Keena, I beg of you: Make me understand."

His words echoed through the hallways, the despair clear for anyone to hear and she took the time to study him.

He let her.

"Look, Zeke." Keena started eventually, interrupting the silence that had settled between them and he for the first time saw – really saw – her: Small. Tired. Saddened. Not at all like the bitch he'd painted er to be. "I don't know what you're hoping for here, but Eric and I broke off whatever it was between us _months_ ago. There's nothing left to talk about."

Her tone of voice was flat, but their was something in her eyes: Something he only recognized after years of being friend's with Eric, trained to look out for it.

It gave him hope.

Perhaps she wasn't so bad as he'd made her out to be all these months. Perhaps he wasn't as much angry at _her_ as he was at the sudden change in his friend. The violence. The briskness. The lost in balance in their friendship. Keena had been the initial cause, yes – a catalyst of some sort – but Eric had been the one to stick around in his dark and clouded mindset.

So, come to think of it... perhaps _that_ was really what Zeke had been angry about. Although now he'd spot that look in Keena's eyes, his anger had quickly been redirected to something else.

The _both_ of them.

They were both just as emotionally inept as jellyfishes. It was pathetic, really. They were both too stubborn to get over whatever it was they needed to get over and face that they were – in fact – perfect for each other. Or at least, she was for Eric – which was all he cared about – and quite frankly, she should be rubbing her hands in glee of having captured the attention of the most wanted bachelor in Dauntless.

No matter how scary he may be, even Zeke had to admit his friend had a certain sex appeal most men could only dream about.

"I'm afraid I must disagree."

"Of course you do."

"Why don't you want him?" He settled on. "He's a great guy you know… _Difficult_ , but great." Keena sighed and stopped walking, slowly turning around to face him. And for some reason Zeke decided to thank the stars for later, she decided to be honest.

"It's not that I don't want _him_ , specifically. I just have too many things going on right now to deal with any type of relationship."

"Because you can't fix personal issues when getting support from people who care about you?" Zeke countered. "In my personal experience –"

"Don't get me wrong." Keena interrupted irritably. "But I really don't care about your personal experience."

"Fair enough." Zeke smiled. She really was perfect for Eric. Just sassy enough. "I'm just trying to figure out why _he_ has been miserable for months, _you_ have been miserable for months, while before you're independent miserable lives, you two were perfectly happy together! Explain it to me and I'll leave you alone on the subject forever. I promise."

Keena looked at him with reluctant intrigue, although any form of emotion was carefully hidden from her face. "If I tell you, you'll leave me alone." It wasn't a question, but Zeke found himself nodding his agreement anyway.

She sighed. "He fucked up, Zeke. Last year's spring, my siblings were murdered. All five of them, or so I thought. Eric found out months ago that my brother Oliver was still alive, but instead of telling me back then, he decided to keep it a secret, because he was afraid that I would get too distracted to make it into Dauntless."

"Oh." Zeke had the decency to look ashamed on behalf of his friend and a little pained. Zeke couldn't imagine How did you respond to something like that. Just the fact that four of her siblings were murdered… and then to think Eric had kept the information of one being alive.

"Yes. _Oh._ " Keena repeated sternly before looking guiltily at the floor. "Although I might need to add that at the time he found out, I didn't know they were dead. I only remembered that piece of information after that whole incident with mixed up truth-serum and fear-serum I'm sure you've heard about."

"So, you didn't _remember_?" Zeke tried to get clarified. "They were murdered and you forgot?"

"Yeah. It's called repressed memory, Zeke. Quite common. Read a book someday."

"I'm just trying to get my facts straight." Zeke defended himself before wavering. "But you're sure you can't forgive him for it? He's a good guy, Keena. He fucked up – I understand that – but he did it with the best intentions. He just didn't want to loose you."

Keena snorted. "Believe me, it had nothing to with him wanting me here and _everything_ to do with some sick conspiracy theory his aunt conjured up."

Zeke chuckled humorlessly. He knew all about the conspiracy theories of Jeanine Mathews. Eric had altered the test results of his brother, so she wouldn't find out about his divergence. Eric was loyal like that. He didn't obey to anyone's rules if he didn't agree with it.

"Keena. Eric is not his aunt." Zeke told her sternly. "Jeanine and Eric have a... _complicated_ relationship, to say the least, but if I can tell you one thing for sure it's that he would never jeopardize your safety for her little divergent hunt."

He watched her intently as he said the word divergent out loud. Fair enough, she looked him right in the eyes then, showing him that she wasn't the least bit frightened by the term – that she wasn't bothered by it, because she wasn't one of them – but she didn't blink.

All liars had a tell.

Some became fidgety when nervous. Some looked down, others looked up. Some curled their toes, or balled their hands into fists. Keena didn't blink.

She was trying too hard to seem casual... Which made him wonder if Jeanine was right about her. Perhaps she was a divergent. Not that he would sell her out.

"You're a divergent." He prodded, his expression intentionally neutral.

She rolled her eyes and grunted. "Not you too. I passed multiple tests. Jeanine and Eric saw exactly how Dauntless I was. Move on with your little witch hunt already. Burn someone else at your stake."

"I have no intention of doing so." Zeke countered. "Neither has Eric." A pause. "He saved some, you know. Eric and Four have both saved more than one divergent initiate that was falling through the cracks."

Keena's eyes widened temporarily, but she didn't speak – smart girl; her voice would no doubt betray her real emotions – and Zeke took the time to study her.

She was stubborn for sure.

Emotionally speaking she was so fucked up, she almost looked sane.

Most people who were emotionally damaged… Well, let's just say they cry out for help in their own little ways: They push the kind people away, only to turn around and invite the negative people into their lives with open arms; They would live in this downwards spiral, that made sure their every choice in life would cause them to end up just that tiny teeny bit worse than before. As if they magnetically attract the bad things in life: They would continue getting into these abusive relationships with people who left them broken behind, only to get up, dust of their clothes and jump into the next fucked up relationship. Starting all over again.

Keena was nothing like that.

For as far as Zeke had been able to make out, she had kind friends and stayed away from people who only brought trouble. She might've pushed Eric away when he meant no ill harm, but even Zeke had to admit that pushing an emotionally scarred person like Eric away, _could_ _be_ considered a sane thing ( _sorry mate)_. But, yeah. Keena looked as if she had life totally worked out. And _that_ was her problem. She was so emotionally messed up, she used logic for everything.

But you can't logic your way through emotion. You just can't. Unless you're a psychopath, perhaps. But they were incapable of feeling emotion, so that didn't count.

Sure, Zeke was not a fan of letting his emotions rule all of his big life decisions either: As a soldier, he more than little understood you should never let your emotions overpower your intelligence. When your emotions screamed 'hide' when your order was to stay 'put', you should listen to that order, or else a bunch of other people might get killed on your account.

But at least in _his_ normal day-to-day life, his emotions had influence.

Keena just factored them out as if they weren't of any consequence at al. She liked Eric – he could tell – and possibly even loved the dude, but in her logical mind it just wasn't enough. And it possibly never would be.

She was setting up her life to live it and die alone.

Eric had a tendency to that too – although in a lesser degree than he might hope or believe he did – and definitely not as much as Keena was doing. It was both fascinating and terrifying to witness how similar they were... and yet totally different.

"Is your anger really worth the heartache you're both suffering?" Zeke tried again. "I can tell you care about him, Keena. I just–"

"And why is it that everyone seems to fancy themselves an expert in my emotions?" Keena snapped, her eyes burning hotly at him.

" _Perhaps because you seem oblivious to them yourself_!" Zeke shot right back at her, getting frustrated and by the way Keena stiffened, he'd hit a nerve. Good. "Your anger and hurt are misplaced! You blame it all on Eric because he didn't tell you something, but guess what, Keena? _You forgot_. He wasn't there to begin with! _You_ were! Your siblings died and _you_ forgot! Be mad at yourself."

"Oh, don't worry." Keena hissed. "I am – believe me – I am _so_ _full_ of self-loathing for that little fact, but guess what, Zeke?" She mockingly stole his words, turning the tables. " _Unlike Eric_ , I didn't _chose_ for it. I didn't _chose_ to forget it. That's not how trauma works." She spun on her heels than, and practically sprinted towards the dining hall.

"Just do yourself a favor." Zeke called out before she completely disappeared. She lingered in the doorway but didn't turn around. Good enough. He'd take it. "When you're old, bitter and alone, make sure you at least _tried_ to connect with people."

And with that the doors fell closed behind her.

 **KPOV**

Keena pushed her food aimlessly around on her plate, the conversation with Zeke still fresh in mind.

He'd been right about a lot of things, most importantly that she did care about Eric - immensely so - but also about the rest: She _should_ connect with people. She _should_ learn how to trust them, how to let them in. Or try anyway. But she couldn't start with Eric.

He was too high a risk.

"How were the cockroaches?" Jonah asked, tickling Mira all over as he appeared behind her seemingly from nowhere. He was the last of their group who'd yet to return.

In return, she hit him in his stomach.

"I survived." She shuddered. "How was your naked performance in the karaoke bar?"

He narrowed her eyes at her while the rest of the group started to laugh. "That was a _dream_ and _not_ my fearlandscape, as you well know."

"Semantics." Mira grinned up at him as she scooted over so he could take a seat next to her. "But seriously, how did it go?"

"I think I was quite fast – like 12 minutes, or so - although that's _ages_ in comparison to Keena." He said smiling, looking over at the blond with an impressed look on his face. "You were in there for what? 6 minutes?"

Lara turned around with big eyes. "Six minutes?" She piped, and there was a panic look in her eyes, silently asking her if she had made sure her divergence hadn't been obvious throughout her fears.

And just like that, Keena felt panicky too. She hadn't screwed up, had she? Fuck. Perhaps she'd been too confident after she passed the Aptitude Test. Zeke had seen something that made him think she was... She could only hope her divergence hadn't showed during her fearlandscape as well. And come to think of it, it _had_ been rather silent when she woke up. Fuck. Now she suddenly wished she'd taken a look at the leaders – _Jeanine_ in particular – Eric's smug grin be damned.

 _Stop, Keena. Don't panic_. She told herself sternly. Four told her she did great, so she must put her trust into him. After all, he'd helped Lara through as well. And if Jeanine really expected anything, she wouldn't be here right now.

Keena shrugged in an attempt to calm herself. "I didn't really look at the clock to be honest." Her eyes found Lara's, hoping they conveyed something that would put her at ease. "But it felt long enough to me. I'm glad this whole ordeal is now behind us."

The group silently consented to that by way of nodding. They had all been looking forward for this particular part of initiation to end, regardless of its simultaneous ending of the entire initiation itself.

The nightmares had been wearing all of them down.

"Oh! I forgot!" Jonah exclaimed suddenly, starting to laugh out loud. "One of the Dauntless-born, I don't know his name, but he wet his pants while in her fear simulation. It was hysterical." When nobody joined his laugher his enthusiasm died out. "Well.. I - I suppose it was more of a 'you needed to be there' sort of thing."

Another silence ensued and Keena was hyperaware of the awkwardness of it all. Perhaps it was because everyone was just nervous for the scores to get up, but Keena couldn't stand it any longer. The words of Zeke echoed through her head. He was right. She was Dauntless. She was brave. She _needed_ to trust her friends.

"I – uh – I actually think I owe you guys an apology." She started, stubbornly looking at her hands on the table, refusing to meet anyone else's gaze while she was at it. "I know you guys have been wondering what happened the other day, when Jasper found me, and I just want to explain."

"Oh, Keena, you don't have to." Lara offered, a hand coming out to stroke her upper arm. "I mean you can, of course. But you don't owe us anything."

Keena smiled, still not lifting her gaze up from the table. "No. I think I do." She told them honestly, nodding to add some power behind the statement – more to convince herself than any of them. "I know I do. You've all been there for me and I really appreciated it, even if I didn't always show it properly. It's hard for me to trust people and I never really had any friends before you, so… yeah."

She lifted her gaze. Finding every single one of them looking at them. Some concerned. Others intrigued. But all of them appreciative.

And so she told them. She told them about her life at Amity. About her absent mother. Her biology teacher. Her siblings and how they died. She told them how she'd somehow forgotten about it as a result of severe trauma, which led to a whole side conversation about the different ways brains tended to deal with traumas since the three Erudites of the group – Lara, Maximus and Gale – had apparently been forced to make an essay on it once in some Erudite invented 'week of neuroscience' about two years ago.

Conversation flowed again and Keena smiled to herself, happy that the group dynamic seemed to be restored. Her incident had been the big elephant in the room – everyone had been tip-toeing around – and she was glad things now seemed to fall back into familiar territory again. They luckily hadn't asked a lot of questions, sensing she would tell things only in her own time – a thing Keena appreciated immensely. And they seemed to appreciate the effort of her sharing anything at all, even if she was still particularly vague about most things.

She was still a private person after all.

But at least now they now got the gist of it.


	43. Chapter 43: Between Pride or Hyde

**EPOV**

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck-fuck-fuck. Eric swore in his head with each step he took as he stalked the hallways with his mask on thunder. He could still hear Jeanine's voice calling out to him.

" _Interesting development, don't you think?"_ She had told him icily, with those pursed thin lips of her that had once been so familiar to him. He had studied them countless of times as a kid. Try as he might to decipher the meaning of them. To know if she approved of his actions. Well, it was a long time since then. Nowadays any praise uttered by her made his skin crawl. " _Your voice amongst those of her loved ones?"_ She had simply raised an eyebrow at him, letting the words linger – torturing him.

Of course he had replied with the most logical of answers. After all, the only thing that became apparent from the fearlandscape was that 'Katharina' feared rejection. Eric's approval – the toughest dauntless-leader that just happened to oversee her initiation – pretty much embodied the faction's acceptation of her getting into Dauntless. He was the gatekeeper to her future, so " _of course his approval mattered to her"_.

Jeanine might've left him alone after that explanation, but her words hadn't. They chanted in his head on a non-stop repeat. A broken record set on tormenting his every thought after. He hadn't even been able to concentrate on any of the other initiates after her. His mind was once again filled with images of her.

Her on his kitchen counter.  
Her legs around his waist.

Her in his bed.  
Cuddled up tightly in his arms.

Her in the Mess Hall.  
Blushing as she'd caught him stare at her.

Again. And again.

He'd replayed these images over and over for the past _months_ now. He'd been sick and tired of them for _weeks._.. But now, it was as if he was looking at them for the first time.

Or at least, from a whole different perspective.

God he'd been such a fool.

His entire life, Eric had been told that quiet meant weak. Back in school there was only one social law amongst the Erudites: The quiet ones were the weak ones. They didn't know the answers, either because they were stupid or lazy, but in any case they were considered weak.

Here in Dauntless, pretty much the same could be said with fighting. The weak ones didn't raise their voice when they disagreed with things, because if it led to a fight, they'd be the ones that got hospitalized.

So, they kept quiet to avoid being silenced.

That's not to say that Eric hadn't see the value of _silence_ in particular times. Silence had always been high on his virtue list. In Erudite, knowledge also meant power. People never gave away all they had for free. Words – and with it information – were only very carefully given and only in exchange of someone else's.

In Dauntless, silence was necessary too. Only in silence, a surprise attack could be successful. Only in silence, the entire army could take orders from the one leader speaking in the front.

What he'd never seen however, was how one silence could be worth more or less than another. Before meeting Keena, silence had just been silence. A purpose to an end.

Never had he seen silence as a weapon, especially not a smiling one. Not until she came to Dauntless. Because when Keena had smiled at him that very first time up on the roof – so very slyly, as if she had a treasure map to all his deepest darkest secrets – he had felt attacked. Attacked by her silence. Attacked by that mere twinkle of mischief and mystery in her eyes.

It had been a strange moment. He knew for a fact she had no prior knowledge of him, so her smile couldn't be one of those placid Erudite smiles that told one they knew something another didn't. Keena's smile hadn't been a show of power. Nor had it been one of happiness. Or challenge.

The smile had been pure bluff.

And because her smiling had made no sense at the time, it had put him off guard. He had judged her too quickly – like judging a book by its cover. But even then he hadn't even begin to comprehend how intense her story truly was. A horror story packed in a flowery cover. It was almost eerie to realize how sweet and innocent she could look while her soul had known so much darkness.

 _Unimaginable_ darkness.

Nothing in her fearlandscape had showed him anything he hadn't learned over the past year already. Martha had told him there had been rumors of her being raped as a kid by a schoolteacher and Jeanine had told them about the massacre that happened at Amity and Amity's responding method to calm Keena down afterwards by way of drugging her up.

The information had been there; in his head.

He had already known all that had been revealed on those screens... but then why had he felt so goddamn shocked about it anyway? _Because there's a difference between knowing and seeing, you jackass._ And the sight of it had made him sick to the stomach.

He had wanted to scream. Or puke. Or more favorably; unplug her from all the wires and save her from her own landscape. She shouldn't have to relive her worst fears, it wasn't fair. Sure, most people had at least one fear based on reality, and of course there had been people who'd been reliving their abuse or rape before, but none of them had to relive a _mass-murder_ over and over again.

One leader had looked away during the corpse rain scene. It had been particularly gruesome to watch and Eric was sure he would've been tempted to do the same if Jeanine hadn't kept such a close eye on him – conspicuously switching her gaze between him and the screens. So he had stood there – forced to watch it all without even blinking once.

 _Fuck_!

Eric violently swiped all the items from his desk in favor of their new position on the floor. He wanted to destroy some living flesh – his hands were itching for a fight – but he was expected to be in Max' office in five minutes to evaluate all the tests.

 _Goddamnit_!

For once he'd actually envied Four, who had stood so calm watching the scenes unfold. How that wussy had stomached training her for weeks – enduring her scenes with such ease – was beyond Eric. Those small six minutes she'd been in her fearlandscape were enough to make his mind go wild.

He knew she was strong enough to handle it all herself – as she had, for the past eighteen years – but just because she _could_ do it didn't mean she _should_.

During her entire fearlandscape, his body been aching to protect her from it.

But she wouldn't let him.  
She never had.  
And she never would.

But it killed Eric to just stand on the sidelines, watching her be destroyed bit by bit. Which was why he'd distanced himself from her. But no matter how hard he'd tried not to care about her these past five weeks, it was no use. Every time he imagined himself to be over her – done with her for good – something happened to fuck it all up.

About a week after he'd left her on the roof, he had walked in on her nightly training sessions by accident – punching the shit out of some poor training bag. He hadn't made his presence known but he had watched her from the shadows. The amount of sweat told him she'd been at it for hours, but she was still focused and sharp. Concentrated to a T... until suddenly she wasn't. The moment she rested her forehead against the punching bag, her shoulders had started to shake ever so lightly, and although he stood far away enough not to hear a thing, he was certain she'd been crying.

Softly and silently crying in private.

He had walked away after that. The guilt gnawing at him.

The second week, he'd gone clubbing with a few of his friends. He'd been so annoyed at himself for comparing every girl to _her_ that he eventually decided to make a statement to himself by taking one home as contrary in looks from Keena as physically possible: A tall and willowy brunette, without mind-blowing shapes or love handles that itched him to grab her and pound into her already. Her hair was shiny and straight, but nothing like the interesting curly texture Keena had. Her muscles were more defined – harder – as years of being a Dauntless tended to have that effect, but Eric learned he didn't like it. Apparently, he preferred the softness Keena possessed. And although the brunette had been pretty, her face seemed uneventfully flawless, instead of showing a few interesting freckles on her nose.

The perfection bored him.

In short: The beautiful brunette he had in his bed that night did little for him. But he'd been mad enough at Keena – and more specifically himself – to go through with it... Or would've, had _she_ not showed up on his freaking doorstep – right before things turned fun – to _apologize._

The girl had a talent of getting to him when he really wished she wouldn't.

He could tell she'd been hurt by finding out he had company, even if she'd tried hiding it. His signature smirk had been quick to be in place, but the hollow feeling in his stomach had troubled him enough to send the girl – Nanna? Nadia? Nola? - home right after Keena had left. He was exhausted. Emotionally drained from pretending not to care when he did. But he was also tired of the drama that seemed to surround Keena everywhere she went. At least when it concerned the two of them.

Eric didn't usually go for drama. He abhorred it. Stayed away from it as far as physically possible. Always had and always would... or so he had sworn. Figures that he now suddenly craved some drama, just to get his mind distracted enough to drift away from his thoughts on _her._

"Eric?" Maddy asked, disrupting his train of thoughts with a knock on the door. "Max is expecting you."

Right.

With a heavy sigh – and a request for Maddy to clean up the mess from his floor – he made his way over to Max.

Let the scoring begin.

…

"Eric!" Zeke pushed himself of the wall as he left Max's office. The ranking went well. Keena would be first in her class, just like he'd thought.

He didn't know whether or not to be happy about that fact. It would mean she could apply to leader-training even if there wasn't a space available and Eric really didn't think having her in such close proximity would have a positive effect on his sanity.

"Eric!" Zeke yelled again, when he hadn't acknowledged his friend. "It's not too late!"

Don't bite.

With Zeke you should never bite.

He had a deception unlike any other he'd met. One where he made you feel like you were talking to a friend but somehow managed to find out much more than you'd wanted to give away.

"She loves you mate." Zeke exclaimed and for a second there, Eric had to carefully keep his mask in place.

"Who? Your mother?" Eric drawled bored. "Oh, I know. She baked me a cake on my last birthday. Told me I'm like the son she always _wanted._ "

Zeke laughed loudly. "You're so full of shit. She's _afraid_ of you."

"Semantics." Eric smirked, turning a corner with Zeke hot on his heels.

"I'm talking about Keena."

Eric didn't respond.

"She didn't say it in so many words, but I really believe you two can work it out."

Eric marched on, pretending not to hear the annoying fly that was Zeke.

"I talked to her this afternoon." Zeke tried again, capturing Eric's attention. "I know I-"

"You talked to her?!" Eric whipped around, shoving his friend against the nearest wall. "You went and talked to her when I _explicitly_ told you not to?!"

Zeke rolled his eyes. "Eric listen. I think she forgave you, mate. You're both miserable without each other, so get that head out of your ass and go for it. I think there's a chance this will work out between you."

"Leave it. ALONE." Eric hissed, his head spinning. Goddamnit, how he wanted it to be true. But she hadn't even looked at him after her fearlandscape and he really didn't want to hope for something that wasn't there. "You shouldn't have talked to her, Zeke, and you sure as hell shouldn't talk to me about it. I'm done with her, you hear?"

And with those words he stalked away, impressed with how easily the lie rolled of his lips.

...

She wasn't here.

Eric searched the crowd for a pair of mesmerizing bottle green eyes, but he couldn't find them.

She wasn't here.  
She wasn't at the scoreboard reveal.

No matter how much he'd tried to ignore Zeke's words for the past couple of hours, he just couldn't. He had hoped seeing her here – in the Mess Hall, during the big reveal – would give him some much needed answers.

Would she meet his gaze as he stood on the balcony, looking out over the cheering crowd? Would she smile at him now that she made it in, on top off her class? Or would she frown and turn her back on him, still angered at his choice not to tell her?

He wouldn't get any of those answers now. Not if she wasn't here.  
Her friends were here, so where was she?

Eric sighed and envisioned the first time he laid eyes on her. The time he had flinched at the abhorrent sight of her innocent Amity look – with the golden locks, the healthily tanned skin and yellow playsuit. The flushed apple cheeks, the rosy lips and the _weak_ _chicken_ _arms._

Ironic how he wished they could go back to that day now. Things had been uncomplicated back then. Hostile but with a certain tension of excitement. Attraction. Thrill. Passion.

His stomach had turmoiled everytime he'd laid eyes on her, and he had gladly mistaken that attraction for hatred. Perhaps in time he could learn to do so again. After all, imagining he didn't want her would be less painful than the truth.

That he couldn't have her.

The music was loud – too loud – as well were the yelling new members, partying away. Making his excuses to Max and the other leaders, Eric made to leave the hall. He didn't feel much for this party, with the terrible music, cheap booze and annoyingly cheerful people.

He didn't feel much cheerful himself.  
Nor did he feel like company.

But for some unexplainable reason, he took the long way out.

Instead of the back-door on the balcony, Eric made his way down through the crowd. He grunted a few greetings to friends and coworkers in passing, and made his way to the big head entrance, while simultaneously still searching the crowd for this small cheeky blonde with bold telling eyes that was now officially Dauntless: This Tinkerbell of a girl that he would now have to endure encountering for the rest of is life, sworn to protect like he would any Dauntless member.

He would do so more with her.

He was at the end now. Passed the crowed, his hands on the doorknob... And as luck would have it, when he opened the door to the hallway, he came eye to eye with with the bane of his existence.

 **KPOV**

"Eric" Keena gasped as she looked up to the broad body she'd smashed into. She hadn't needed to look up to know who it was. Her skin tingled with familiarity of touching him. Her nostrils filled with his heady smell.

He looked down at her; his mask firm in place and eyes lazily rolling over her face but no further than that.

"Amity." He acknowledged with a nod, moving to sidestep her.

Her heart ached. How had things become so awkward between them? So stiff? As if they never shared any moment at all. As if she were just another initiate to him.

Perhaps she was.  
Perhaps Zeke had been wrong about him.

But she was Dauntless now. And she hadn't mulled it over this entire evening just to never find out for sure.

"Actually..." She chanced, stopping him in his tracks as he slowly turned around to face her. His facial expression was nothing short of bored, but his eyes were inquisitive, probably wondering why she even bothered to talk to him. Keena herself was wondering the exact same thing, but the words just tumbled out on their own accord. "Haven't you heard? I'm a _real_ Dauntless now." She teased with a happy grin on her lips.

It still felt so surreal.  
But it was true.  
She was Dauntless.

She watched his jaw clench – a desperate attempt to keep his mask in place – but the tiny quirk of his lips told her enough.

"Oh, _I_ know. You see, _I_ was there to announce it." He quipped. "It got me wondering where the first ranked initiate had wondered off to. Something better to do with your time? I'm sure the six brand new factionless will love swapping places with you." His voice was as stern as his stare challenging and Keena felt righteously chastised.

But how could she admit to him that his friend had hunted her down with this impossible request for her to trust him – as if it were so simple – as if she ever trusted anyone? How could she tell him that Zeke told her to make a leap that frightened her so severely. That he told her Eric did harbor kindred feelings for her? How could she admit that she'd been so confused by it all that she'd gone to the roof after dinner to mule things over and lost track of time?

That she'd sat there, for hours, watching the sun set to calm down her panic attack because she felt so completely out of control? That right after her fear landscape the exhaustion and emotional stress of the past _year_ had finally caught up with her and left her crying her eyes out, not able to stop the overly dramatic tears and sobs for long enough to attend the big score reveal?

Her freaking official admission into Dauntless as a member: that what she'd dreamed of for so long! Way longer than initiation itself, but during years and years of boredom in Amity as well.

Yeah, no. There was no way of telling him.

Eric was, much like herself, a very private person and he wouldn't take kindly to Zeke's involvement in their personal issues. Nor did she feel much for telling him just how weak she'd been for the rest of the evening.

He'd laugh her in the face.

"I knew I made it in." She settled on, shrugging to appear casual about it. "It would've been impossible with my time scores not to." She had to talk loud for her voice to carry over the awful beat of the music. If one could call it that.

What was that? Hardcore?

At Eric's blank expression Keena opened the door to enter the Mess Hall, but he was quick to catch her wrist and spun her back to face him, the door falling once again shut behind her. The awful music was still exceptionally loud, making it hard to hear each other.

She was glad for it.

At least now, he couldn't possibly hear her rapid heartbeat.

Because neither of them had missed the fact that they were standing in the hallway. Alone. Eyes locked and with chests heaving.

His eyes roamed over her face again, inquisitive and distrusting. To her great dismay, she could feel her face heat up under his gaze, but she did keep her silence. And with it her defiance.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice scarce of emotion before getting annoyed by her silence. "Goddamnit Keena! You're many things, but _arrogant_ isn't one of them!"

The anger was radiating off of him, but there was something off about it. As if it wasn't meant for her – no really anyway – even if she was the one he was screaming at.

With a heavy heart Keena realized it was worry and she silently cursed Zeke for his interference; for putting thoughts into her head that she'd been quite happy with to do without. It was so much easier to be emotionless or distant when you thought the object of your cold shoulder to be a heartless and cruel monster.

But Zeke had been right: Eric did care for her.

Here stood a man that didn't know how to love, but only how to protect. And it was killing him that he couldn't protect her. Yes, he made some awful choices – he was far from perfect – but the good intentions had been there. He had wanted to shield her from more pain. He had wanted her to focus on her life in Dauntless instead of getting distracted and fail her initiation.

He had told her so himself, all those weeks back.  
And in return she'd told him how much she'd hated him.

And still, he stood here – before her – demanding to know what happened – why she hadn't been able to attend the score reveal – so he could take care of it.

He would...

He was...  
He was _Eric._  
He was _perfect_ in his own snarly and fucked up ways.

And she didn't deserve him. He could find someone else, someone better, someone without the emotional baggage she brought along. He had enough of that as it was, all by himself. She was about to tell him off – tell him to leave her the fuck alone, because that's what was best – but her face must've betrayed her real feelings.

He grabbed her arm, hurling her behind him into a random corridor and pulled her behind him into some sort of broom closet. No wait – no brooms. _Weapons._ A weapon-closet. Of course it was.

Whyever would it be anything else?

As Eric pulled the door closed behind them, Keena adjusted her eyes to the dark. The lights were dim, but the loud music coming from the Mess Hall was much more muted now, enabling her to actually hear Eric when he spoke. Softly.

"Explain." His voice a warm whisper, sending a shiver down her spine. She could smell him, his heady odor of musk and sandalwood and citrus and soap. She could feel his breath tickling her skin.

She closed her eyes, focussing on blocking it out. "I don't know what you wh-"

"Bullshit!" He bellowed, suddenly loud again as he stepped into her personal space. "What In hell is going on, Keena?"

Keena forced herself to look at anything but him – which wasn't much in this dark tiny closet – and tried to keep her tears at bay. She never understood why that was: Once you started crying it was hard to stop. And once you finally _did_ managed to stop, you were quite easily turned to tears again with the least bit of provocation.

This time was no exception.

"I was just feeling emotional after the fearlandscape." She offered, doing her best to still the rapid drum of her heart.

It wasn't a lie exactly, but it also wasn't the whole truth. Eric seemed to sense it. Either that or he really knew her too well.

"And that the whole truth?" He asked suspiciously.

"Is this an official interrogation?" She countered, crossing her arms.

"Don't do that." He scoffed, although it sounded peculiarly like plead. "For once in your life, leave the distractions behind."

"I don't know what you want me to say." It came out like a whine, but she didn't even care.

"The truth, Keena." He sounded exhausted. "All of it."

"I wasn't ly-" She started, stammering when he loudly disrupted her by slamming his fist into the wall, inches from her face. She was trapped between him and the wall now, their bodies almost touching but not quite.

"Goddamnit Keena! You're _impossible_!"

"Oh _, I_ am _?_ " She yelled right back at him. Anger had always come easy between them. Their frustrating and complicated feelings only finding an out when yelling, it seemed. "Like you're one to talk!"

He kissed her than. Ruthlessly attacking her lips in a desperate and bruising kiss and she met him for every beat of it. He growled as she parted her lips for him, granting him access and he took fool advantage of the moment – his skilled tongue left no room for a battle of dominance.

He'd already won.  
And she didn't mind.

She pressed herself into him and moaned as his hands came out to cradle her face – his thumbs moving in circular motions over her cheeks – memorizing the feel of them. It was as mind-blowing as it was heartbreaking to kiss him like this after all this time. She wanted to cling to him, let him make her forget all the troubles between them.

She had forgiven him, she realized, as he ground his hips against her own. But when they eventually had to come up for air, his facial expression looked troubled – pained – as if this was the last thing he'd wanted to do.

It probably was.

Keena was pretty sure in that moment he had no control over his words or actions. Everything about it seemed raw and even a bit reluctant.

His forehead rested against her own as his ice blue eyes searched her soul for something she wasn't ready to give. Not yet.

He seemed to sense it.

"Do you have any clue how hard this has been for me? Watching you destroy yourself? Knowing I can't do anything to stop it?" He closed his eyes and Keena was glad for it.

She couldn't think straight when he looked at her like that. She had missed him. Goddamnit how she'd missed him. Her heart had been aching – bleeding out for him - which is why her next words surprised her so.

"You didn't seem to mind much when you left me alone on the roof." Her voice was cold as ice and just like that, his hands snapped away from her face – so quick – as he would get frostbite by lingering.

He retreated, scowling his mask back in place before moving around, so she wasn't able to see his face when he spoke his next words:

"Find me when you figure it out."

Without another word he left the dark weapons-closet, leaving her alone to - once again - cry by herself.

How was it possible that such a supposedly happy day had evoked so much negative feelings?

 **EPOV**

He shouldn't be here.  
Both in this club, as well as this dark corner.

Not tonight.

Not when he just _knew_ she'd be here.

There had been no doubt in his mind the former-initiates-turned-dauntless would be here tonight, celebrating their official acceptance in the faction. The Basement was as shady as clubs in Dauntless could get - lots of drugs, lots of sex, lots of violence - and because of that reputation, most members would check it out at least once, especially right after initiation when they still felt they had something to prove.

A lot of them would stay away after that first night. Most would come back only a few sporadic times throughout the year. But only the emotionally inept would make it their regular spot.

He hoped Keena wouldn't. Because that would mean he could never come here again.

Not if he didn't want to loose it completely.  
Not if he wanted to retain some of his sanity.  
And especially _not_ when she looked like _that_.

Tight fitted red velvet dress with a plunge neckline: Creamy skin calling out to him – and all other male members, it seemed. He'd seen her with makeup once – at the Christmas gala – but it had been tame in comparison with the rubbish she'd put on her face today. The black smokey eyes in combination with the deep red lipstick were in stark contrast with her blonde ringlets.

She looked sexy as hell.

But to his dismay, Eric realized that he preferred her natural, soft and unassuming looks over the harsh lines that made her appear more Dauntless. Ironic, really. Especially since his first appraisal of her looks had been a reproach for not looking Dauntless _enough._

And now... Now he blamed her for looking too Dauntless. As if such a thing was possible, especially not with her blonde locks. She hadn't died her hair a crazy color like so many initiates first did upon becoming member. Her temporary grey locks had been a safe option in comparison to the bright neon colors some other members insisted on walking around with.

Green. Purple. Yellow. It all looked _ridiculous_ to him.

It had never much appealed to Eric. Perhaps it was the Erudite in him that preferred things clear. Understandable. As they were. Like her blonde curls that were currently bouncing up and down as she conversed amiably with her friends.

He shouldn't be watching her, from this corner in the shadows.

He shouldn't be bothered by her tired smiles and yawns. He shouldn't be bothered by the way she seemed oblivious to the lingering glances her male friends bestowed upon her cleavage. He shouldn't be bothered by her slight frowns when some member approached her. And he sure as hell shouldn't feel so smug when she rejected all and every one of them.

"I see you still haven't learned." Alijah sighed, sliding in the booth next to him. "I told you to leave her alone... Months ago."

"Hello to you as well." Eric deadpanned. He had barely spoken to his friend since his breakup with Keena. First and foremost because Alijah had been away on business a lot. Spring was always the most busy period of the year for him, but also because Eric just felt the urge to break his nose everytime he saw his friend. He shouldn't have intervened. "And I _am._ What do you think this is?" Eric moved his hands to indicate the distance between Keena and himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Eric smugly wished Alijah had seen them earlier this evening. Kissing in a weapons emergency room like a couple of horny teenagers.

"Yeah, but you're _lurking._ " Alijah smiled wryly. "We both know the moment she would try something with any other guy, you would jump in and ruin it for her. You're still controlling her every decision."

Right, as if anyone could.

No offense, but if he _were_ controlling her 'every decisions', they would be doing something completely else by now. Something involving less clothes. And she would be his and his alone.

And everyone would goddamn know it.

But he had no control over her. Hell, he didn't even _understand_ her. One moment she was kissing him like her life depended on it, and the next she was shutting him out again.

He didn't even think she understood herself.

She wasn't a mean person. Sure, she wasn't afraid to give anyone a piece of her mind when provoked, but she wasn't naturally vicious. Not like Eric himself. Which is why Eric had concluded her attitude earlier that evening was based on her own insecurities and uncertainties.

It wasn't him.  
It was her.

He just wished it wouldn't hurt so much as it did.  
Especially when he knew he had no control over it.

Zeke might've been right. He'd seen the soft look on her face. Heard the longing sigh as they kissed, as if she'd missed it just as much as he had. But she wasn't ready, and pushing her wouldn't do anyone any good.

He would only push her away. Besides, he wasn't whiner. He wouldn't bag her into being his silly little girlfriend. He couldn't care less about a title or not.

All he cared about was that Zeke had been right: There was hope.

And Eric was a man of patience.

As long as none of these fuckers tonight would try anything funny with her, he could sit this one out. He hadn't had sex for weeks and he could take another few. If necessary.

She'd come to him, eventually.

And in the mean time, in order to retain his dear reputation as the city's most feared leader, he could misdirect his frustrations to any and every little fucker that was unlucky enough to encounter him.

But for now, he'd leave her alone.

Sort of, anyway.

"And you aren't?" Eric snarled. "You're here in the corner with me, in case you haven't noticed. But unlike me, you don't have your oldest mate jeopardizing your entire _career_ when you approach her."

The jab was noticeable. So was the fury.

"I needed to get to you somehow." Alijah told him without remorse, his dark eyes transfixed on the blonde as well. "She's drawn to danger, Eric – actively seeking it out – because it's all she's ever known. And you pretty much embody it. But that doesn't mean it's good for her. That _you're_ good for her."

"You think I don't know that?!" Eric turned to face him, eyeing his long time friend.

"No, I don't think you do." Alijah provoked. "You didn't see her back then, Eric. I found her back then, right after she got raped. Raped! She was a kid then, Eric. A _kid._ We both were. I was thirteen at the time, but I can still remember every detail of that moment. You have no idea... The tears. The pain. The cries. The panic."

"Don't you dare talk to me about not knowing!" Eric hissed with venom. "I had to watch her go through her fucking _fearlandscape_ today _._ You can't even imagine what that was like! And all I could do was stand there and watch. I think I've seen enough to know."

"So it's all about you then?" The dark-haired man chuckled humorlessly. "Why am I not surprised? Your world resolves around one thing – and one thing only – _you._ "

"And yours doesn't?!" Eric snorted, not even bothering to rectify his friend. Alijah wouldn't believe him anyway. "You've been obsessing over this girl for _years_ , but instead of pursuing her like you want to, you stand here – in the corner with me – like the _coward_ you are. Because deep down, Alijah, you know she doesn't want you and your cooing concern!" (Or his own). "It's too late for her to be babied: To be treated like a _child_! The world has already matured enough for her to take on that role now!"

"YOU JUST WANT TO USE HER EMOTIONAL DAMAGE FOR YOUR OWN GAIN!"

"AND YOU USE _HER FEARS_ TO FEEL MORE LIKE A MAN ABOUT YOUR OWN!" Eric bellowed back, feeling cruelly glad about the shocked face on his friends face. "If anyone is using her, it's you, Alijah! You've been insecure about your position in Dauntless ever since you barely passed your fearlandscape. But guess what?! You won't remedy your own fears by obsessing over hers! At least _I_ don't need to play on her weaknesses to get her to fall for me! At least _I_ let her feel strong! That's why I got to _fuck_ _her_ into a puddle on the floor for _weeks_ and you've never even kissed her once!"

A forceful fist in his face had them both tumbling over the table – and somehow in their rage – they fought their way over to the middle of the room, drawing the attention from everyone around them.

They had fought before – both during initiation and after, in a few unimportant drunk disagreements – but it somehow felt different now. More violent. More vicious.

Better.

All of his rage over his powerlessness and incompetence of helping Keena, all of his worry over her mental en physical health, all of his annoyance over the aches in his heart every time he encountered her in the hallways... He beat it all out of his system.

He saw red.

Red had always been his favorite color: Bold. Daring. Overbearing. Red always managed to console him. It took away all of his pains and worries. Red overruled his every thought.

Eric relished in the taste of red blood in his mouth. His knuckles happily bleeding as they punched into his friends face, content with the numbing pain of flesh to flesh.

A split lip. A cracked bone. A smashed skull.

"ENOUGH!" A voice called out to him. The familiarity of it warm and rich. The tone worrying.

Another red came into view: A dress. Velvet. And an open hand in front of his face in surrender as her body hugged over a barely conscious Alijah.

Cold blue found sparkling green.

Perhaps green was his favorite color after all.

Soothing. Unassuming. Stabilizing.

Pleading.

Eric swallowed, his chest heaving as he took in the crowed of people surrounding them, looking on with interest what their cruelest leader would do after being ordered around like that.

They were to be solely disappointed.

With a quick nod at Keena, Eric heaved himself of the floor and strolled away with a roll of his eyes to appease the crowd. He could play this off as boredom, he supposed. Even if he felt anything but.

"Bring him to the infirmary." He ordered a random bloke on his way out.

The crowd was quick to part for him, like Moses and his sea.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	44. Chapter 44: To protect or be protected?

**Again (and I honestly can't tell you guys this enough): Thank you so much for reading! My special love and gratitude to all of you who've taken the time to review!** **Hope y'all enjoy this next chap.**

* * *

 **KPOV**

Keena couldn't sleep, which wouldn't be groundbreaking – per se – if it wasn't for the mindset that kept her up tonight. Because instead of nightmares that usually haunting her every waking – and sleeping – hour, she now found her thoughts to be much more pleasantly inclined.

She was Dauntless; A true Dauntless member. One out of 4 – maybe 5 – other Amities that had made it in and that idea left her giddy and happy.

Yesterday, her mind had been busy with other things. Her fearlandscape, the fear of Jeanine finding out she was divergent, the things Zeke had said, telling her friends about her life before Dauntless, her conversation and kiss with Eric and even the fight between Eric and Alijah – who turned out to be fine in the end; bruised and cranky - a bit of a sore loser, she supposed – but fine.

And with that worry gone, she could finally focus on what truly mattered: _She was Dauntless now_! And she could almost squeal with happiness... You know, if she would give in to such a childish act.

Which she most definitely didn't.

But only because the rest of the room was still asleep.

Keena sighed and looked around at the sleeping forms of her co-initiates and friends. Some beds were empty, either because they hadn't made it into Dauntless, or because they were still out partying. Keena and Lara had left early, right after Eric's fight with Alijah. They'd made sure Alijah was properly taken care before heading for the dorms, spending the rest of their night speculating about their future here at Dauntless until Lara had fallen asleep.

In her bed.

Again.

When Jasper strolled in an hour later or so, he'd looked particularly put out at that, but when Keena offered to swap places with him, he declined.

He wasn't all that bad actually.

"Fuck!" Someone swore and a giggle could be heard from outside.

It didn't take long before a very intoxicated Mira and a slightly-less-but-not-by-much intoxicated Jonah stumbled into the room together. Mira sushed her boyfriend loudly, while he hadn't said a word, and upon seeing Keena awake and upright in bed – leaning with her back against the wall – she came over with a creepy smile on her face.

"KEENA! You SNEAKY slut! We NEED to talk!" She whispered in so loud a voice Keena was surprised Lara slept trough it.

Keena was so looking forward to tomorrow afternoon when they would all get assigned their own one-person unit. Her own place, with her own stuff. Her own place of solitude where she could hide from lovely but loud friends like Mira on moments she just wanted to hide from the world and think.

Like now.

"How about tomorrow?" Keena offered with a little nod in Jonah's direction, who was waiting on her to join him in bed. One single glance at her boyfriend had Mira convinced and she 'whispered' her agreement before walking over to Jonah's bed with what she must've thought a sexy walk.

It wasn't.

But Jonah was probably too drunk to notice anyway.

Keena sighed and removed Lara's arm from her stomach. Although there was a general rule not to have sex in the dorms (when other's were present), there was literally no way of knowing what the two lovebirds would do in their drunk states. Not feeling much for finding out, Keena quickly got dressed and sneaked out of the room.

The hard rocks of the Chasm would have to do for now.  
At least starting tomorrow, she could lay in her bed in solitude.

 **...**

"Okay girl, spill." Mira gushed and practically fell into the seat next to Keena when the darkhaired girl finally appeared for 'breakfast' somewhere around 1pm. It was called lunch for all others.

Keena had just taken a bite from her apple so her mouth was half full when she replied. "I dong kno whaa you're talking abou."

"Oh, really now?" Lara – who was already seated across from her – grinned wickedly while wiggling her eyebrows quite unlike herself. She was spending way too much time with either Jasper or Mira. Or both. "So you think we're just going to forget about that moment between you and Eric last night?"

"There was no moment."

"Oh no! Not this time girl. We let it go once, but after last night..." Mira interjected. "I mean _the._ _Sexual_. _Tension_. Wew!"

"There was defitely _no_ sexual tention." Keena rolled her eyes, looking over at Lara hopefully. Help a friend out.

Lara, upon seeing her friend's hopeful look started to stammer. "I- uh – I mean..." She trailed off as her eyes shifted between the two girls in front of her, before settling on Keena with a pained look on her face. "There kinda _was_."

Mira whooped loudly and high-fived the brunnette over the table before both girls turned to look at Keena, completely oblivious to the amount of onlookers Mira's outburst had caused. Keena by now had swallowed her apple, but really wished she hadn't. Just to buy her some time to think.

"You guys are acting strange." Keena furrowed her brows in confusion, her gaze sweeping around the room. She was glad to note people had refocussed their attentions back on their own conversations. Still, just in case anyone was still listening she kept her voice low anyway. "I just stopped him from _killing_ Alijah. There wasn't any sexual tension, I assure you." She said, and to her dismay she sounded way more disappointed at the admission than she would've preferred.

Mira and Lara glanced at each other before they started laughing. Out loud. For a disproportionate amount of time. Again earning them an audience. Much to Keena's dismay.

"Right." Mira said, wiping a nonexistent tear away from her face. "Like that eye-contact you two lovebirds displayed last night wasn't close to something entirely too personal. Oh and that's _without_ the fact that he'd been eye-fucking you from that table in the corner for over an _hour_ previous to his fight with Alijah. I mean, even _I_ got hot from just watching you two interact - and this is _Eric_ we're talking about – _yikes_." She exclaimed before catching herself. "I mean for _me_ – not for you, obviously – you go girl! Tap him _good._ "

Lara wrinkled her nose. "That's just vulgar, Mir." She said, before focusing her attention on Keena. "But I'm curious too. It's obvious something is going on between you two. Don't you trust us?"

"Of course I do!" Keena was offended. "I literally just told you about my life yesterday."

"And yet you neglect to tell us all the juicy stuff." Mira countered.

"Mira!" Lara threw a grape at her friends head before focussing her attention back on Keena. "What Mira is trying to say is that we're here if you ever do want to talk about it." She smiled kindly, it only added to the discomfortable knot in Keena's stomach. "And I'm glad you trusted us enough to tell what you already did." A beat. "Truly." The chocolate colored eyes of her friend found her own and they were filled with the same warmth her smile conveyed. Keena smiled back at her, but it was overruled by the sigh that followed it.

"There's just nothing to tell." Keena started plucking at her apple with her fingernails, her gaze purposefully ignoring those of her friends which where undoubtedly upon her person. "Not _anymore_ , anyway. So, whatever you two think you saw last night... It's been _months_ – It's all in the past."

"Months?!" Mira's eyebrows shot up while the blush on Keena's cheeks told it all. " _Shut_ _up_! I told you, Lara! I told you!" She exclaimed enthusiastically, holding out her hand at the brunette. "Pay up."

Why was Keena not surprised the two had a bet going on about it?

Lara rolled her eyes. "Just until yesterday we were just initiates, babe. I can _transfer_ some points to you, but I don't actually have any money on me."

"Oh. Right!" Mira's enthusiasm didn't suffer from it. Not one bit. "Later than. _But_ _first_ -" and she turned back to Keena here, almost gushing. "Tell us _all_ the details. I bet he has a huge co-"

"Honestly, Mira. Keep it _down_." Keena chatised, shooting a quick glance at the table next to them. "Or I won't tell anything at all."

"Alright. Fine." Mira put her hands up in moke-surrender, before dropping her voice to a whisper as she rambled all of her questions into one breath: "How often? How was he? He's good isn't he? And rough! I bet he's rough. When was the first time? Mor than once? Could you even walk after? How big was he? Good lord, Keena. Tell us! We're dying to know!"

Lara snorted. "She means _she's_ dying to know." A beat and then: "I'm just a healthy and normal amount of curious."

Keena chuckled. "Fine. But this will _never_ ever _ever_ leave the three of us." She eyed them seriously.

"Scout's honor." Mira promised, hand in the air, and Lara nodded along.

And thus she told them.

She told them all about the coincidental meetings in the training rooms during early mornings and late nights. She told them about their first kiss at the Chasm and how she'd run away right after and about their fights in the training rooms that sometimes bordered on sex with clothes on. Or how – when she'd escaped the infirmary after her fight with Jasper – he'd found her on the rooftop and carried her to his apartment to rest. She told them about their first time of sex, the way she'd shot his balls during capture the flag, only to show up at his doorstep later that night and how it pretty much ran from there to some everyday sexual arrangement.

Except it hadn't been.  
It had never been _just_ sex.

Because there were moments that had nothing to do with that. Mornings where they shared a smile over coffee or nights where he watched her cook up some midnight snack with a fond look on his face. There had been these thrills when he purposefully brushed against her in public, standing a little closer than necessary for a leader and his initiate, but not inappropriately so. And of course there was the meaningfulness of him buying her a toothbrush or how would rub her back when she was sore and tired of training. How they would spend hours in silence – just enjoying each other's company – while she read a book and he answered emails on his tablet.

But she didn't tell them that.  
It felt too personal.

Eric for sure wouldn't appreciate other people knowing he had a softer side to him and in all honesty, Keena wasn't sure she herself would like other people to know that side of him either. To know him like she did. All that had been said and done between them was between the two of them and not even her friends were entitled to that information. He'd trusted her – showed his emotions – and she wouldn't betray that trust just so her friends would listen on in disbelieve.

No one else needed to know.

Or should.

So instead, Keena went on and told them about Alijah's interference. About her fears that she'd become too attached to him. How she'd pushed him away after a while and how she'd been reluctant to admit she missed him terribly – and still did. She even told him about his involvement in the whole ordeal with Oliver and Jeanine. How she'd chanted at him she hated him and how he had left her alone on the roof, refusing to deal with her drama for any longer.

Her story ended there. Quite like the other more intimate parts, Keena decided against telling them about about yesterday – their moment in the hallway and weapon's closet together – because for some reason that – too – felt way too personal to share. Even if it was 'just a kiss'.

A kiss.

A desperate reunion of sorts that had had her wanted to cling onto him forever.

And words.

 _'Find me when you figure it out'_ he had said.

But what was she supposed to figure out? Was she supposed to sort out her feelings and come back to him then, when she knew what she wanted from him? Or did he simply wanted her to fix her chaotic mind, not feeling much for dealing with the drama any longer and only wanting her for some casual drama-free sex?

Her rational mind knew it was the former.

It was the first option. She _knew_ that. And yet that little voice in the back of her mind found it awfully hard to believe. Why would _he_ – of all people – take an intrest in her. Dauntless' most feared – but also respected – leader, that she was sure a lot of members had long since deemed emotionless and incapable of love.

How could _she_ be the one to turn him over?

"Oh my god." Mira exclaimed with a gasp – disrupting the silence – and Keena turned to her to find her eyes wide as saucers. "You love him." She breathed.

"I do not." Keena voiced, although their was little abundance to be found in the statement. If anything, it came out more like a question. "I- I mean he's... He's _Eric._ "

She winced at her own statement. It wasn't fair to him to depict him as the monster others thought him to be when – just with her – he was everything she'd ever hoped for and more.

He was strong and protective. He took care of her in a way

He was intelligent and perceptive and in his own dark and dry sense of humor, he was even funny. He was firm and honest with her, keeping her on her toes and not afraid to call her out on her bullshit. It was a good thing he challenged her – she could only imagine how bored she would become if he didn't – even if it was excruciating at times.

But it was more than that. He knew when to keep quite too and when to just let her wonder off in her own thoughts for a while without feeling the need to interrupt her like most of her friends did – except maybe Lara – because he too was a thinker. An intellectual. So smart. So sharp.

He was perfect in all those ways.  
But that didn't mean she loved him.

She could still see his flaws. She saw his arrogance and cruelty to others – things she didn't agree with – and yet she didn't seem to mind. Because she knew the person behind it. He was the youngest leader in Dauntless – he had good cause to be proud of himself – especially with his background.

She was still secretly convinced Jeanine had tricked him into thinking like a Dauntless. In every way he represented more of an Erudite. Cold. Clinical. Mask in place. Secretive about his knowledge and just how far his comprehension stretched. A reader. A thinker. Sometimes logical to a flaw. Emotionally distant... except with her. Not anymore.

But she couldn't love him.  
Or could she?

"Do you even know what love is, though?" Lara asked neutrally. "I don't mean it in a nasty way. It's just – with all that you've told us yesterday about your life in Amity – I wouldn't be surprised if you wouldn't even recognize love when it was right in front of you."

"I know what love is." Keena scoffed, before swallowing heavily. "I loved – _love_ – my siblings."

"That doesn't count, Keena." Mira interjected. "You _raised_ your siblings. It's parental love. You were the person they looked up to – their protector, an example, a rolemodel of sorts – they were never in a position to hurt you. They couldn't take your heart and dance all over it. They couldn't break it. Loving them is as harmless as it can get and you know it."

Keena was baffled. Mira had _not_ just said that. Was it not yesterday when she'd told them about her sibling's murder? Her heart had been broken allright – and no, it wasn't any of her siblings' fault – but it had broken and it had hurt. So no, loving them hadn't been _harmless_.

Love was _never_ harmless.

As soon as you cared for someone, it would be all the more painful once it would be ripped away from you. Things were never permenant – all things would end – and letting yourself love someone meant setting yourself up for heartache once that time came. So love, no matter how heart-warming the feeling could be, always came with a sacrifice.

So no, Keena wouldn't never call love harmless.

At the stunned look on Keena's face, Mira seemingly realized her error and hurried to explain. "Okay, that came out wrong. I just meant that parental love differs very much from _choosing_ to actively love another person that is not related to you."

"Being related has nothing to do with love in my experience." Keena snapped, still annoyed with her friend.

When Lara – ever the peace-maker – tried to intervene, Keena somehow already expected her to play unpartial party, like she so often did – the Switzerland of their group – but instead her face cringed as she spoke her next words.

"You're not going to like this, but I have to agree with Mira on this one." She tried tentatively. "Your _experience_ is misguided. If that story of yesterday is anything to go by, most people in your life have taught you can't trust love. That it's unreliable and the person of your affection will be taken away from you. You loved your grandfather and siblings, but they died, too soon in your life and too early in theirs. You trusted your teacher and he... well, took advantage of that." She paused for a moment. Staring off into the distance. "And your mother... She sounds quite like my own, I suppose. A true Erudite. Cold and distant. Never happy – not with me, not with _anything_ – except the occasional breakthrough at work."

A small smile tugged on her lips as Jasper took that moment to enter the cafeteria.

"I've never met your mother so I can't be sure." She continued, her eyes glued to her boyfriend. "But _if she_ was anything like mine, _she_ didn't teach you how to trust love either. For me... that was Jasper. And even that took me years and years of friendship, heartbreak and radiosilence before he finally worked out his own fears to ask me out."

"You sure know how to make it sound appealing." Mira snorted before turning her attention on the blonde next to her. "Believe me. It doesn't take _years_ _and_ _years_ of friendship, heartbreak and radiosilence for everyone. It's love. It's scary and new and exciting. But we're Dauntless. If we dare to take a leap in the name of the safety of our city, we should also be able to take a leap for love. You two will figure it out."

"I have nothing to figure out because _I don't_ _love_ _him._ " Keena reminded them, her groan muffled by her hands as she hid her face. All the while trying to ignore the sting in her stomach as she uttered those words. Had she just lied? Was it possible her body recognized her feelings better than her logical mind did?

"You have a flair for dramatics, you know that right?" Mira grinned. "And you're wrong, by the way."

" _So_ wrong." Lara emphasized.

"In fact, you couldn't possibly be any _more_ wrong." Mira pointed her thumb sideways at Keena and turned to Lara. "Have you ever seen anybody more wrong?"

"No, _never_." She giggled.

Keena grunted and hid her face in her hands. "I need new friends."

"You _love_ us." Mira smirked. "But not in the way you love Eric."

"With kisses." Lara added dreamily.

"And _sex_."

"Gosh!" Keena closed her eyes and slammed her forehead on the table.

She could die. She literally could die of shame right now. She'd heard conversations like these before, of course. Around the Amity campfires girls could talk of little else, unless you included the sub-related fields gossip and sex, but other than that it was always boy-talk. Keena had on occasion listened in on some of the conversations but more often than not, had tuned out after a minute or so – convinced she would die of boredom if she continued the ear-torture any longer. But now, the tables had turned. This no longer was some random story of some particularly uninteresting stranger. It was becoming way too personal for her comfort. Or liking.

"Can we _please_ talk about something else?" She begged her friends. "I don't love him. I never did. It was a sexual arrangement that exists nowhere but in the past."

" _Right._ " Mira sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes to emphasize just how much she didn't believe her. "Because god forbid you ever love a strong, sexy, healthy piece of man muscles."

Keena simply glared at the girl in response, but try as she may, she couldn't rid herself of the memories flashing before her eyes: Eric handing her a cup of coffee as she walked into the kitchen, rough fingers gently brushing over her delicate ones. Or the one on the couch, where Eric absentmindedly stroked her hair as she leaned against him, a book disregarded in her lap as she just enjoyed his touch and presence.

"Eric and I are a done deal. A page turned. A chapter finished. A book closed." She settled on eventually.

"Liar." Mira smirked before taking on a more serious expression. "You know Keena. You're a caring girl. Whether you like it or not, your background in Amity shines through to your every decision: You helped Lara out when she first had trouble to keep up with cardio; You stood up for Maximus during knife-throwing incident with Erich; And hell, you even went as far as kicking Jasper in the butt for taking him so long for asking Lara out..."

"Wait what?!" Lara piped up, surprise all written over her face. "She did what?"

Mira ignored her and continued unbothered. "As much as I hate to say it, you're a nice person, Keens. Some might even say _kind._ You may fancy yourself incapable of love, but you aren't. You have a heart. With feelings. And you use it all the time... Just deal with it already."

"So what was this between you and Jasper?" Lara tried again, turning to Keena this time.

"I know I have feelings, Mir! I'm not claiming I'm _emotionless,_ but there is a big difference between caring and loving."

"So you don't love us?" Mira exclaimed in mock-shock.

Keena glared unimpressed. "That's different and you know it."

"Just as different as loving people that are depended on you is. Which in retrospect also differs from loving someone you are depended on."

"Yes-yes! I get it, alright. It's different. It's all so goddamn different!"

"So, ready to admit you love Eric yet?" Her black-haired friend coxed with a grin that easily matched the Cheshire Cat's.

"No. I – I just..." She sighed. "Are you guys even serious right now? I mean it's _Eric._ Dauntless' most vicious, violent, venomous, –"

"Vigorous, valorous, vehement, valiant, validatory leader, yeah-yeah don't we know it." Mira finished and at Keena's raised eyebrow she chuckled. "Don't look at me like that, _you_ started the whole V-adjectives thing."

At this Keena laughed – really laughed. "Yeah, I'm not quite sure where that came from either." She admitted with a frown before widening her eyes in a mock-amazed way. "Still. Mama's very proud of you for using such big words."

" _Ha-ha._ " Mira stuck out her tongue. "At least in Candor books weren't forbidden like on your muddy little farmland." A beat. "But you distract me, girl. We're getting off-track. You. Eric. _Love. NOW._ " The raven-haired beauty wiggled her eyebrows.

"Arghh." Keena growled. "I thought we went over this already. He's _Eric_."

"Exactly my point." Mira agreed with a nod. "We went over the V already, do you really need us to finish the entire alphabet for you?"

"Wealthy. Wry. Willful." Lara chimed in with a grin, finally having given up on finding out what happened between Keena and Jasper. Either that, or she just decided to postpone it for a bit.

"Hilarious." Keena deadpanned.

"Ah no! I've got the X!" Mira groaned. "But I'm pretty confident Xylophagous and Xyloid apply to Eric." She pondered. "But out the tree of us, only you've seen his wood, so we'll just leave it up to you to decide." Mira and Lara laughed. Keena not so much.

"Truly, you two outdo yourselves." Keena told them with a blanc face.

"Yonder. Yummy... Oh! _Yours!_ " Lara continued, smiling broadly.

"Guys. I get it. Joke's over now."

"Fine." Mira relented. "Lara was getting all the easy letters anyway."

Lara snorted and stuck out her tongue in a childish but entirely too cute a manner. "Whatever makes you sleep at night, Candor." She baited. "You just didn't want the Z."

"Can you blame me? Z is impossible!"

"Zealous."

"Show-off."

"That's an S."

"I hate you."

"Doubt it." The brunette replied with a wicked grin that easily matched Jasper's.

At the same time the two girls turned their attention back on Keena, who'd been watching the banter with only half her mind.

"Where were we?" Mira asked to no one in particular.

"Keena trying to convince herself just how much she _didn't_ love Eric."

"I don't." Keena exclaimed, although she knew she was being totally ignored.

" _Right._ Okay. Because that's believable."

"I don't care about believable. It's true. Correct. _Juste_."

"But you had sex with him?"

"You know I did."

"Because you find him attractive."

" _Obviously._ "

"He _is_ attractive." Lara agreed with a sigh. "I mean _scary._ But _so_ attractive."

"Jeez. Thanks." Keena cringed uncomfortably. "Really needed your consensus."

"And the sex was good, right?" Mira continued her interrogation, reaching for a grape before popping it into her mouth.

"I guess." When her two friends stared at her, Keena rolled her eyes. "Fine. It was mind-blowing. Happy now?"

"Almost." Mira told her offhandedly. "So, he made you feel good during sex?"

"I just told you he did."

"And afterwards?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did he kick you out right after sex? Or did you flee?"

"No." Keena wavered, seeing what direction this conversation was taking. "I mean. Yeah, I ran away in the beginning a lot... but that was only the first few times. After that I stayed as long as possible."

"Because you enjoyed his company? Even when the two of you weren't having sex?"

"I guess."

"Did you two cuddle?"

"Sometimes... I mean yes. We did." Keena sighed. "Are you quite done here, Sam Spade?"

"No, not quite."

"So when _are_ you exactly?!" Keena snapped agitated. "Because your nosiness isn't helping me much!"

"Oh, I'm helping. Believe me." Mira told her seriously. "I just try to get you to admit you enjoy his company."

"Of course I do!" Keena hissed at her. "I _do_ enjoy his company! That's not the problem here! The problem is that he just can't be _trusted._ You can't love someone you can't trust, now can you?!"

"You can, actually." Lara chimed in. "Depends on whether or not you do trust him." A pause, and then: "Rationally, I _can't_ trustJasper either. I'll look at all the evidence of what an awful person he is – what he's said to me in the past or done to you during initiation for example – and I _know_ I _can't_ trust him. But yet, I do. I _feel_ safe when I'm with him. It's not rational or logical, but deep down I do trust him, even if my mind tells me I shouldn't."

The other girls were silent for a bit.

"Jesus Lara. That was deep." Mira stated eventually, slightly amazed by her speech. "I'm convinced I won't be able to top that, but I want to try anyway."

Mira sighed and collected her thoughts. In that moment, there was an aura of seriousness about the girl that Keena had never seen before. And just as Keena recognized it, the moment was gone and a big characteristic smirk lifted up the raven-haired girl's face.

"Well, unlike you sad poor troubled souls, _my_ parents love me very much." Mira grinned, earning herself an elbow in her side from Keena.

In all honesty, Keena was relieved Mira wasn't treating her any differently than before. After yesterday, her biggest fear had been that her friends would suddenly treat her like she was made of glass, but she was glad to note Mira was treating her with the same radical candor as before. If not a tat more.

"Thanks Mir, what a pep-talk." Keena chuckled.

Mira stuck out her tongue in response.

" _But_ ," She emphasized, continuing. "They were also very... _overprotective._ I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends unless it was at home with one of my parents present. God forbid boys could be considered friends, by the way. Enjoying their company was strictly forbidden, let alone _dating_ them. The only boy outside of school I got the chance to interact with – to some extent – was Jonah, because he was the son of family friends that came over a lot."

At this Mira smiled fondly, lost in some untold memory.

"The point is, that my parents tried to protect me because they loved me and didn't want to see me hurt. But they didn't realize that they were hurting me by caging me in like that. By taking away my freedom, they didn't just take away the chances of me getting _hurt_ , but also the chance of me experiencing the greatest way of _happiness_ that I've now learned is worth _every_ bit of pain: Love."

She let the words linger for a bit – all three of them lost in their own thoughts – before continuing:

"So, when the choosing ceremony came around and my aptitude turned out to be Dauntless, I knew I had to leave them. My parents did what they did with the best intentions in mind and I will forever love them, but when it came down to it, I had to choose my happiness over my safety." She let he words linger for a bit before continuing. "And I think for me, this was an easy thing to do because I had – and have – never experienced pain. Not in the way you have, anyway. After what you told us yesterday... I can't even _begin_ to understand all the heartache you have had to survive. It's surreal to me, really. My life hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies either, but in the end, all I ever experienced came from a place of love. No matter how suffocating a form my parent's love might've taken, the restrictions in my life were there to protect me – because they loved me."

"Yeah." Lara sighed, off in a memory of her own it appeared. "Same here."

"So where does that leave me?" Keena asked, slightly petulant.

It was not in her nature to be sulky, but this entire topic was far from familiar grounds to her. Love had always been an abstract concept to her. She had spend time thinking about it, obviously. In Amity, you could barely set a step out of your front door without being "bulldozered over" by songs, poems and stories of love.

Naturally, she'd spend long sleepless nights pondering over what love entailed. Was it a synonym of trust? Happiness? Contentment? Passion? A mixture of all those things? Who really knew what love was anyway? Some poets talked about a tingling sensation. Other songwriters wrote about the air getting sucked out of you. And thus, for a long time, love had always been a subjective and elusive concept to her. If not completely nonexistent.

Things changed though. When her mother had given birth to one baby after the other, Keena had been forced to review the topic. Not at first of course. Yes, she had instantly _liked_ each and every one of her siblings and she'd probably even instantly _cared_ for them as well, but to go as far as calling it love? In all honesty, she hadn't even _considered_ 'love' until Aaron – sweet darling Aaron – had asked her, quite casually, if she loved him the way "Nick's mother loved Nick".

She'd been quick to say yes.

This, on it's turn, had let to an hour-long conversation with Oliver whose questions about the subject had closely represented the ones of herself a few years prior to that moment. Questions she – even after years and years of pondering on it – still hadn't found an answer to. So, in that moment she'd simply described what all the books had told her: A sens of safety. Wholeness. Excitement. Adoration. Warmth. Belonging. Destiny... Not that she had understood any of _those_ words at the time, so in a way the concept had just been as elusive to her as it had before, even if she now quoted a tenfold of authors on it with a bunch of other meaningless empty words.

It hadn't been up to the moment her siblings died in front of her eyes and her heart had shattered into thousands and thousands of pieces, she completely understood just how deeply rooted love was and it had scared her in ways she still couldn't seem to comprehend.

Love – however great it may be – had the flip-side of being able to experience such heartache, sorrow and grief one felt they might die because of it. It was indeed as if someone sucked the life out of you and apparently – whether it was a conscious or unconscious decision – her brain had decided that no love had been worth the pain attached to it. It had been so unbearable her normally logical and factual brain had actively pushed the truth away, unable to stand it for a second longer.

And now, her friends were pushing her to take a chance at love and open up for another round of _inevitable_ heartache?

Yeah, _hell_ _no._

She didn't dare to take that chance. It wasn't worth the risk. And truly, what would she gain by it anyway?

 _Eric_. A small voice inside of her head told her. She'd gain Eric.

"Seriously?" Mira exclaimed. "Do we need to spell _everything_ out for you?! You're supposed to be _Dauntless_! Do you really want to die alone and unhappy with your twelve cats because you were afraid to take a leap at love and make yourself happy for a change?"

"Are cats allowed in the Dauntless compound?" Lara questioned with wide eyes. "Oh! I would love one!"

"Only within your own apartment." Keena answered. Remembering the paragraph dedicated to pet-keeping in the Dauntless rules she'd read some months ago. "They don't want them walking in the hallways."

"Jesus, Lara. Can you be any _less_ invested in your friend's future happiness?" Mira reprimanded annoyed.

Lara blushed. "Right. Keena. Stop being a baby and have his babies instead."

"Wow. Didn't see that one coming." Mira laughed, at the same time as Keena exclaimed with a loud groan: "Please tell me I heard that wrong."

"Too much?"

"Hell no."  
"Hell yes."

A silence settled over the group in which Keena wondered how it was possible Mira and Lara made it seem as if a healthy relationship between her and Eric was suddenly within reach? No matter how great Keena – _sometimes –_ found Eric to be, it still didn't take away from the fact that they fought all the damn time and that she'd been pushing him away for months and months… He should be done with her by now. In fact, he probably was. I mean... he _had_ pretty much told her to leave him alone until she figured her shit out, right? Well, to be fair: He'd told her to come and find him when she figures things out – which was a bit more positive – but she still didn't truly know what he'd meant by that. It could be anything!

Or so she preferred telling herself.

At least that way she didn't have to face the truth: The fact that both of them were being haunted by lovely memories of them together; That the both of them had been desperate for each other's company, attention and touch.

Keena quickly shook the thought away.  
It was bound to end in disaster.

"I like him alright. I like him a lot." Keena sighed eventually, breaking the silence. "I really appreciate you guys for talking to me, but I'm not... I can't just... I'll think about it, alright?"

Lara smiled and her hand reached out to stroke her arm. Mira simply shrugged and reached for another grape.

"I suppose that will do..." The black-haired beauty rolled her eyes, a small grin on her face. "For now."

And with that, conversation stirred to other significant topics - like their new unit assignment later that afternoon - which quickly lifted all of their spirits.

* * *

 **Yes, I kinda scamped my work at the end. I'll probably come back to fix this chapter soon but I really didn't enjoy writing this particular chap anymore because my imagination was already more happily engaged with making up all that comes next...** **  
**

 **Please review! Even if this chapter was a bit rough around the edges.**


	45. Chapter 45: Look Before You Leap

**I get so happy of your sweet reviews! Can't thank you enough!**

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 **KPOV**

Silence.

She had missed the tranquility of silence.

In the dorms there was always someone making noise. Someone getting up to pee. Someone snoring, yawning or talking in their sleep. Someone shifting in his bed, or shooting upright from a nightmare. Even just _breathing_ sounded like a fucking earthquake in the middle of the night. But here, her first night in her own little apartment, it was silent.

Pricelessly silent.

She hadn't known this kind of peace since... Fuck. _Why_?! Why did her thoughts always come back to _him_? It was a curse, really, and she had no one to blame but herself. She was the witch that stirred her mind to visions of him, time and again, even when she should forget about him.

Alright, so maybe Mira was to blame a bit as well.

Perhaps if Mira hadn't started asking questions about 'how good he made her feel', and 'if they'd cuddled', she wouldn't be having this problem right now! This problem of yearning for his warmth and comforting embrace as she laid in this dark and silent room alone. This problem of having known just how soothing his mere presence was to her, that she had become attached to it. Silence alone wasn't enough to calm her down anymore, it seemed.

This was crazy!

She hadn't laid in his arms in months! _Months_! She shouldn't be thinking about this _now_ , after months and months of sleepless nights in the dorms. It was over. Long gone. An experience of the past. Just a memory. An annoying bothering memory of what once was and never could – or should – again.

A ghost.

Good god, where were those distractions of other initiates coughing or sleepwalking through the room when she needed them? And more importantly... Why did even thinking about him hurt her _so_?

 _Because you do want to be with him, you fool._

Keena pressed her face into the cushions, muffling the sound of her screams and sobs.

 _She missed him._

She missed him and it hurt so much. For months she'd been strong. She'd been focussed. Sharp. Purposeful. But right now and for the rest of next week, all of that commitment fell away: She'd already made it into Dauntless and they weren't expected to pick their official new job until next Friday.

It was Saturday now... 2am.

It was supposed to be a week of orientation of sorts. She and the other initiates where instructed to think about their futures here at Dauntless. What kind of profession did they want? What kind of additional training and education did they need for that? What would their career path look like? Where they qualified enough to even apply?

She was. As a top-ranked initiate all doors where open for her.

So now Keena found herself in an unfamiliar situation: She had both time and options. Two things she hadn't had before – especially time – and she didn't quite know if she liked it all that much. What did people even do when they had options on how to spend their time?

Back in Amity, there was always something to be done: The laundry. Cleaning the bathroom. Helping Thomas with his homework (or more precisely: forcing him to spend time on it). Changing the linen. Cooking. Changing diapers. Bringing back a stolen ginny pig. Doing her own homework. Yelling at her siblings to stop fighting. Fighting along with them... The chaos never ended.

And here in Dauntless as one of the initiates, she'd been _told_ what to do for a very long time: Wake up early. Eat your breakfast. Come train with Four. Cardio. Guns. Eat your lunch. Ignore Eric. Throw some knives. Fight. Take a shower. Eat your diner. Shop new clothes. Go to bed.

In the second stage of initiation they had stopped drilling them a little, but she'd pretty much kept to the old schedule anyway... with the additional assignment of going through one's fearlandscape, that is. Which came with the added bonus of nightmares of course. What a bliss.

But now... She had this _entire_ _week_ of 'vacation' ahead of her, and hell if she knew how to spend her time. She had time, suddenly. More precisely: Spare time. Her Christmas wish at last, even if it was 4,5 years late...

Last year she hadn't even wished for anything. Not even for her siblings to have a great Christmas without her. Perhaps she knew. Perhaps she'd known all along. Somewhere in the back of her unconscious mind, she'd always realized they weren't really living their marry lives in Amity. Perhaps that had also been the reason why she hadn't even bothered to go down during Visiting Day. She had had no hope on them traveling all this way to come see her. Instead, she had spend her time on the roof... The _roof._ Physically the closest place to where she believed them to be: The sky.

It wasn't scientifically proven, or even rationally _likely_ , but for some reason Keena had always felt that the spirits of the dead became part of the universe. The air surrounding them. A warm soothing breeze when you most needed it. Or the feeling of a hand on your shoulder when in fact no one was there.

Spirits. She believed in spirits.

Remainders of one's character, finding ways to get to you at moments you needed them most. No matter how crazy that made her sound, she really believed in that. Alas, at least it was less creepy than the concepts of ghosts: Picturing a bazillion invisible people walking this earth – living amongst us – but not able to touch anything or anyone. If that _was_ the reality of the dead, she felt immensely sorry for them. What a nightmare that must be.

She could relate up until a point, after all. For eighteen years, she'd been a witness to a world that hadn't been hers. The laughter everyone else had found soothing, had sounded empty to her. The smiles everyone displayed regardless of their mood had seemed fake to her, but polite to everyone else. She had existed within a society she had no part in. She'd been the odd one out. The misfit. The ugly duckling... But at least she'd been able to touch her surroundings and make it her own. She'd been able to carry and open books. To turn the page and get lost in worlds outside of her own. Well. It didn't matter now. Her ugly duckling self had grown into a beautiful swan and she now found herself in a pond with other beautiful – albeit black – swans. Dauntless is where she fitted in. Dauntless felt like home and it would be only a matter of time before the members would feel like her family. She hoped.

She had every reason to be happy or feel content for a change – and she had been – this morning, before Mira had interrogated her about that particular person of whom hearing his name spoken out loud was already enough to make her feel _things._

Sometimes it was anticipation and hearing his name felt soothing. Other times all she could feel was the anxiety of that heartbreaking ache rumbling in her bones. Knowing that his name alone would never be enough to fully satisfy her. Not if she wanted him in so many ways more.

But that wasn't healthy, was it? Being so attached to someone that you longed for them – yearned for them – with such ferocity your entire being shook with need to touch him, feel him and hold him close.

And never let go.

She'd been independent all her life and had survived just fine without him, thank you very much. She definitely didn't need him now, just now things were supposed to get easy.

But that was just it, wasn't it?

She didn't _need_ him.  
But she _wanted_ him.

But why? Rationally there were like a billion reasons not to want him. He was a leader. She hated standing in the spotlight and dating him would definitely put her there. Not to mention he had been overseeing her initiation, which at the very least would stir up some dust amongst the more critical members. If she wanted to apply for a leadership training, she would have to work closely with him for the rest of her _life_ , regardless of things working out between them or not. He was unpredictable. Mean. Ruthless. Snarky. Annoying. Spiteful. Arrogant. A complete and utter asshole! And he'd slept around with a lot of girls and could quite possibly fuck anyone he wanted anytime he wanted to. Would he be faithful? Who knew?! And was that the most important question she should be worrying about right now? Hell no!

She cursed her sleep deprived brain.

Eric was so wrong for her in so many ways. And she for him. And yet, she wanted him. She wanted him more than she wanted anything. Future jobs didn't seem important right now, he did. That moment in the weapon's closet did. His eyes roaming over her face. Watching her. Reading her. Predicting her.

She'd hated it in the beginning, when all they'd been was a leader and initiate. She'd hated the fact that he felt entitled enough to try and decipher her, getting to know her when she didn't want anybody close enough for them to know her...

But she'd been learning lately; learning to let people in. She'd let her friends in, so why couldn't she let Eric? She _wanted_ to let him in – she truly really did – but it was all just so much more complicated. Because, in contrast to her friends, _if_ she decided to let Eric in, there was no doubt in her mind that he would see her.

Really truly see her.  
For who she was.  
No smokescreens in place.

She always felt naked under his gaze.

He was perceptive and curious. He had a drive to understand things; to know what made them tick. He was always trying to see through her little smokescreens and masks. When she tried to hide something from him, he always noticed. He wouldn't always find out exactly what it was she was hiding, but he surely always noticed. Letting him in would mean trusting him with this...

Did she trust him?

Yes.

She did.

Lara's words had gotten her thinking, but the girl had been right. Rationally, Keena might not be able to trust Eric, but she did anyway. Because... Because...

Because he made her feel safe. His arms were a safe haven. His presence a soothing caress. Yes, he excited her and riled her up, but when she needed encouragement or approval, it were his eyes she was looking for in the crowd. It was his embrace that made her feel like she belonged. Like home.

She wanted him.  
She trusted him.  
She even needed him.

 _Because she loved him._

Fuck. Sometimes she really hated her friends.

…

A loud bonking noise had her wake up at 6 in the morning. She hadn't fallen asleep before 5. She was sure of it. Groaning, she realized someone was knocking on a door.

 _Her_ door.  
Her own very private front door.

Which meant, _she_ had to get up to make it stop.

She swore, if this was any of her friends' doing, she'd kill them – quickly, sufficiently – and then dispose the body in the Chasm, erasing all of her fingerprints.

Forcing herself out of bed, wearing nothing but the oversized T-shirt she'd gotten from Gale – the one that had set Eric off into a fit of jealousy during capture the flag – and some panties.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." She grumbled as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, opening the door, where she found a serious looking Dauntless man with his fist in the air to knock another time.

Thick brows, that stood in a furrow.  
Scrutinizing eyes, filled with annoyance.  
Clenched jaw.

He was angry with her. Which was odd, considering she'd never even met the dude. She was certain of this, since she had a thing with faces and his face would be too outspoken for her to forget anyway. It was odd looking. Not in an unpleasant way – per se – but odd nonetheless.

"Katharina Hyde?" He asked – or bellowed, to be exact.

"Depends on who's asking." She stated, leaning against the doorframe, crossing her arms to cover up the fact she wasn't wearing any bra underneath this shirt. It was cold out here, in the hallway, and the last thing she needed was for mr. Grumpy to see just how cold her nipples had it.

"Are you or are you not?" The man snapped annoyed, making Keena roll her eyes.

"It's just Keena now." She yawned in her hand, blinking the sleep away.

The man ignored it. "Come with me please, _Katharina._ "

What. A. Jackass.

"Whatever you think I've done. I didn't do it." She said, about to close the door in his face. She was tired and annoyed. This was supposed to be her week off. In her own home, where it was silent and peaceful and quiet. She deserved to be let undisturbed until at least 8 in the morning.

He swiftly forced his foot between the door and the post, making it unable for her to shut it completely. "You need to come with me miss. Orders from the board."

Keena regarded him another time, before rolling her eyes. "Fine. Just let me put something else on first."

…

"What's going on?" Keena asked as they approached the interrogation rooms. She had followed the unpleasant man to the dungeons without question, but if she was about to be interrogated like a criminal he had another thing coming if he expected her to happily walk in there without questioning his sanity.

They didn't know she was Divergent, did they? If so Eric would've said something. Right?

The angry man opened a door and motioned for her to get in. When she refused – wavering in the doorway and repeating her question again – he shoved her inside violently.

"Sit." He ordered gruff.

"Yes, sir." Keena sighed. Whatever it was this man wanted from her, it was probably best not to make him more angry than he already was with her.

"State your name." He told her and Keena had to refrain herself from rolling her eyes. He had literally asked her that question 6 minutes ago, or so.

Instead she smiled her signature sweet smile for whenever she was annoyed. "Keena, sir."

"Full name."

She bit her tongue and deepened her smile. "Katharina Aella Hyde."

"And you were born in Amity? 3:32am on the 10th of June, year 2298, correct?"

"I guess. Can't say I really remember." At the stern look she was given she rolled her eyes. "Yes. I mean yes." She supplied.

"And you grew up with how many half-brothers and/or half-sisters?"

For some reason the 'half' annoyed her enough to crack her smile. "I grew up with four _brothers_ and one _sister._ " She spat only semi-polite.

"I was aware you only shared a mother." The man frowned, glancing at the file in front of him. Was he for real? The lift of his brow told her he simply enjoyed being rude.

Well. Two could play that game.

"With all due respect, _sir._ Since she isn't around to verify whether or not we shared a father, and she never spoke with me regarding the issue before, who really knows when she slept with whom? I don't feel confident in guessing the issue, and I'd say neither should you. So unless you can provide me with some ample DNA evidence that my brothers and sisters are indeed only half-brothers and a half-sister, I'd prefer you refer to them as what they've always been to me: family. My whole-family."

The man opened his mouth and looked like he was about to snap, but a voice coming from the intercom interrupted him before he could do so.

"Of course, miss Hyde." An elderly male voice said. "Mr. Harrison here understands, don't you Drake?"

Keena's head snapped over to the mirror on one of the walls, eyeing them suspiciously before smiling back at 'Drake'. They were being watched – or, better yet – he was. An interrogator-to-be it seemed.

Drake ignored her smirk and continued with a scowl.

"And you were present when they died?"

Keena raised her eyebrows, blinking at the casual deliverance of the question.

He repeated the question, impatience lacing his voice.

"Excuse me, but what is the point from all of this?!" Keena finally snapped, shooting up from her chair with such force it flew back against the wall. "All of this information is in my file already. You're waisting your time – and more importantly my – time here!"

Drake sighed and looked over to the mirror with a 'Can you believe what I have to deal with?' attitude written all over his face.

"Oh, I wouldn't look so smug, Drake." Keena told him in such icy a voice even Jeanine would be jealous. "You won't ace any interrogation with how smug you look with yourself all the damn time."

"Yeah? And how would you know, Amity?!" He snarled at her.

"Common sense and intellect. Two things I doubt you possess!" She told him, ignoring the voice that was trying to calm the two of them down over the intercom. "There are plenty of pre-war books on interrogation tactics. Whatever you just did was just pathetic."

He leaped at her then, the fury clear in his eyes for anyone to see, but before he could reach her, an older man rushed into the room.

"Stop this nonsense immediately!" He said – rather than yelled – but for some reason both of them immediately lost their fighting stances and turned to the man submissively.

He seemed to be somewhere in his late fifties, making him officially the oldest person Keena had seen in Dauntless as of yet. She had wanted to ask someone about it once, but decided against it last second. She didn't want to make a fool of herself and come across like she thought they were all killed off at a certain age. She would find out sooner or later, she had been in no real hurry.

There was a strange sort of authority to him. Partly because he was older than the both of them together, but also because he radiated wisdom. Experience.

She decided on the spot that she quite liked him.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience, miss Hyde. I get this is all very difficult for you, girl, but we do need your cooperation."

"For what?"

"The investigation." The older man supplied at the same time as Drake barked: "Does it matter?!" The irritated sigh that followed it clearly conveyed his annoyance of her. "Perhaps the concept is a bit new to you, _Amity_ , but we're _soldiers._ Soldiers follow orders and we don't doubt our leaders while doing so."

The older man – and presumably his boss – was looking none too pleased with this spiteful remark, and yet he didn't condemn it. Not in here anyway. Instead he answered her question:

"We got orders from above to open the case to your siblings' murderer." He explained with a stern glance in the younger man's direction who was openly scowling. "Your old files have been classified, so we can't get into them. Only the parties involved at the time can and they never even notified us of the incident when it happened last year."

"Which is against city policy by the way" Drake intervened. His anger at the other factions cleary exceeding the one directed at her. "All crime should be reported to Dauntless as soon as possible, but they conveniently forgot to do so to save their own asses."

The other man nodded his agreement. "So now we started an investigation of our own. It might be way over due, but murderers need to be caught. Especially ones who are capable of killing five innocent children. We swore to protect the city to our best abilities and so we shall." He stated proudly, his eyes glazing over in an untold memory. "But we need to create a new file for that. Hence all these seemingly useless questions."

Keena shook her head in understanding. "Yes, I will... Did you say this was an order from the board?"

"Came straight from Eric himself." Drake informed her, his voice not exactly warm but not unkind either.

There was a glimmer of something in his eyes too. A mixture of pride and something else. Something so familiar and yet so elusive. She couldn't quite put her finger on it. Not that she had the time to ponder on it for long, as the words finally caught up with her brain.

"Eric gave the order?" Keena asked, her voice devoid of emotion. It felt like the air was sucked right out of her longs.

He had known her siblings had been killed for _ages_ now. Why would he wait until now to... Oh, but of course! He had had no legal way to start an investigation before. The files had been restricted and without eyewitnesses to step forward and start asking questions about what happened... But now, with a room full of dauntless leaders to witness her fearlandscape, the fact that her siblings had seemingly dissolved into thin air and her files were restricted... It should be provide ample evidence to at the very least start an investigation.

Keena suddenly felt very stupid. Not only had she not remembered the traumatic incident until a small two months ago, but she also failed to realized she could ask for help in her quest of finding that monster. She had been _so_ focussed on getting into Dauntless on her own – so she might be able to hunt him down herself – that she completely forgotten about the fact she now had an entire _army_ at her disposal to help her do it.

But Eric hadn't.

Eric was... He was... _Fuck!_ She could just cry with relief. She was so relieved she now suddenly had an entire Dauntless team to help her find justice. And all because of him. And just like that any doubts she still had about him – or more precisely _them_ – disappeared from her brain.

She wanted him.  
She trusted him.  
She loved him.

Perhaps things really could be that easy.

And with a small smile and nod at the older man, Keena went to sit down again.

"Alright." She stated full determination. "Let's do this."


	46. Chapter 46: The part full of yelling 1

_Hola my lovely readers!_ _ **Do not fear, the reunion is here!**_ _Or [part 1] at least. I've quite struggled finding the right kind of chemistry between Keena and Eric since both are willing, yet still insecure and emotionally disturbed people. So this won't be the 'normal' type of 'I'm running into your arms at sunset ' kind of reunion set on some tropical beach in some beautiful magical country far far away. However, I stil hope y'all enjoy as they reunite in their own, little bit messier way._

 _ **And please review!**_ _For those of you who have reviewed, thank you so very much. I know I haven't actually done that much with all the criticism just yet, but I'm planning on going back and rewriting this story entirely once I finish it, so even if it takes a while, I am planning on using all of your tips!_

 _ **Also, I know my spelling is horrible**_ _and I'm really truly sorry for that. I do hope it has improved somewhat overtime (because when I reread the earlier chapters of this story now, I already see a bunch of really stupid spelling mistakes I'm not quite sure how they got there). But even while my English has (hopefully) somewhat improved, it's still only my fourth.. well maybe third language and in combination with my dyslexia... let's just say shout out to all of you who survived this battlefield until now._

 ** _I'm really truly humbled that you're all reading this still!_**

 _ **As for the story:**_ _You'll see a lot of going back and forth in Eric's argumentations, wishes and expectations. Like I said, he is also a genuinely emotionally scarred person, so, you know... cut him some slack. I do quite fear I may have made him a little bit too soft in this chapter, so please let me know what you think. Agree? Disagree? No opinion? All is welcome to hear._

 _Anyway: Let's get to it._

* * *

 **EPOV**

"Hey! Miss!" He heard his secretary shout. "You can't just go in there! Miss? Excuse me!"

Looking up from the paperwork on his desk he was just in time to see the small blonde bumbling ball of disorientated excitement and fear rolling into his office. The ball was named Keena and in all fairness, she wasn't really rolling. It would be too graceful a description.

Stumbling was more like it.

Before he could respond Maddy came storming in after her. "Sir, I'm _so_ sorry!" The woman said, pulling at Keena's arm who shook her off with ease, catching his eyes.

"You better meant what I think you meant, Coulter!" She accused at the same time as his secretary tried in vain: "Miss, you _really_ need to come with me!".

Obviously, Eric's eyes never drifted from the shorter girl. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair a mess and her eyes sparkled with emotions Eric could not quite place. On the one hand she looked totally and utterly frightened – wary and insecure – like an injured deer, while on the other she nearly combusted with anticipation and determination. The fire in her eyes was back. The type of fire he hadn't seen in _months._

Hell, it was the most emotion he had seen from her so far – _ever_ – and for the first time she wasn't trying to hide it either. Her body, face and eyes all betrayed her feelings and nervousness. For the first time she was an open book and he couldn't force himself to look away.

"You're dismissed, Madeleine." He told Maddy when she started to physically drag Keena out of there.

"But sir?" She asked confused, her eyes rolling over to Keena, as if she was a lunatic. "You were not to be disturbed?!" There was a clear dislike for his tolerance of the blonde in her voice. Jealousy perhaps. Not that Eric cared.

" _Dis-missed_." He hissed his ordered, without as much as a glance in her direction.

The confused woman left without another word and closed the door discretely behind her. As soon as the door clicked shut, the air in Eric's office grew heavy. Eric and Keena remained staring at each other for a while before Keena broke the silence.

"You look... tired."

It was a blank statement and if the sound of her voice had been the only thing to go by, she would've seemed unfazed by the whole encounter. Her fumbling with the zipper of her jacket gave her away though. She was nervous – greatly so – and for some reason _her_ nerves unnerved _him._ Which annoyed him to no end.

"Geez. Thanks." Eric snarled bored, lifting a brow. "If that's all?"

Her eyes widened, only now realizing what she'd said it seemed. "No! I didn't... I mean, I don't know... I'm – I..." She stuttered, looking like a lost deer once again.

She shook her head, golden ringlets wiggling along with the movement and gently caressing her face. A humorless smile spread out on her face, her bottle green eyes alight. A battle between resilience and reluctance clear for him to see. _God, she looked stunning_. Confused, but stunning. The moment of momentarily awe ended however, when she glanced back to the door behind her. There was a trace of longing on her face, as if she'd rather be on the other side of it. Eric couldn't help but snort.

"If you're planning your escape, I like to remind you that it was _you_ who invited yourself in here in the first place." His hand made a wavy gesture at the door. "By all means. _Leave._ "

He meant it.

It was clear she hadn't figured things out yet, or else she wouldn't be standing there like a lost Bambi. Not that he blamed her for it. It was only logical she hadn't figured things out yet: It was barely 48 hours ago since their little encounter in the weapon's closet and for all her quickness in learning new fighting skills, she was outstandingly slow in learning to deal with her emotions. Blocking or hiding them? Sure thing. But recognizing and allowing herself to feel them? Not so much.

He truly didn't blame her. It had cost Eric months to recognize his feelings for her, and another few to come to terms with them and _he'd_ been in a safe and secure place while doing so. He was in a position of authority, had already proved himself to this faction _and_ established himself a life within. He had a steady job, a place to call home, a daily routine and a network of friends, coworkers and bloodsucking acquaintances. In short: Eric knew where he stood in life. For him this weird sex-turned-to-romance kind of thing (damn, he really did despise the word romance) had been the only new and disturbing factor in his life. But for Keena everything was new – the environment, the people, not to mention her _memories –_ so, it seemed only natural it would take her longer to come to terms with her feelings than he had needed for his... _Which_ _is_ _why_ he had told her to come and find him when she did. Whenever that might be.

It was a shit position to be in, for sure, and to be honest, Eric didn't know how long he would be able to wait it out. Best case scenario would be for her to storm into his office only days later: quite like she had done just now, only without that frightened look on her face. More likely was, however, for her to need weeks or months to figure it out, or it might even take years. Perhaps it would take her _so_ long both of their feelings would fade off over time and they would learn to coexist alongside each other within the faction, both moving in different spheres. Their 'relationship' nothing more than a memory of the past as she smiled weakly at him every now and then when their gazes met.

 _Whatever._

He understood alright. His logical mind practically _forced_ him to understand where she was coming from. Pity really. It would've been so much more convenient to just hate her and her frightened ways. To be able to be angry at the bitch that dared to make him feel something. To laugh it off as a one time experience, never to be repeated again.

Except he _wanted_ to repeat it and he _couldn't_ be angry at her. Because he understood. He _fucking_ understood alright! She needed more time and more space and thus, he had given it to her: Not because she needed it – he wasn't that selfless – but because he hoped that she _might_ – _one_ _day;_ _perhaps;_ _in her own damn time –_ come back to him. The alternative was so much worse: Turning into one of those clingy bed-partners that waited around, thinking they'd be the one to change a person. Yeah, he'd rather chop off his own ballsacks and feed them to the factionless than turn into one of those pathetic excuses of a person. He might love her, but he was still himself. He was proud and ruthless and had a reputation to uphold... and no fucking girl – not even Keena – was ever going to be able to make him forget about all sense of pride.

* * *

"No! I mean yes! I mean, I know that. But I'm not…" Keena's ramble brought him back to present and he regarded her as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, taking a few determined steps towards the desk he was still sitting behind.

She stepped even closer, her fingers caressing the wood of the tabletop. He could smell her now: A whisk of roasted coffee. A note of crisp mandarin. A hint of fresh mint... Something flowery too.

"That's not why I came here." She stated after a little silence. Her hand came up – almost as if wanting to reach out to him – but before she could, she quickly forced them down again, spinning on her heels and walking in a seemingly random direction.

"You started an investigation to my siblings' murderer." She stated briskly, looking around his office as if seeing it for the first time.

It was annoying him, he couldn't see her face. He wanted to know what she thought of it, but her voice gave no indication and her stance wasn't much of help either.

"I did." He settled on eventually, keeping his statement as neutral as possible.

"Why?"

Eric had expected her voice to be harsh and defensive, but was pleasantly surprised when he found it to be warm, soft and feminine. Even insecure. He couldn't help himself as he briefly closed his eyes, allowing himself to bask it in. It had been a long time – too long – since she last spoke to him in that way. A voice with such warmth, such trust, such awe.

"Eric?" She asked slightly more impatient.

Eric opened his eyes again and watched her back straighten just that tiny bit more, like meerkat: Unmoving. Straight like a stick. Sharply focussed at the task at hand, or in her case, awaiting his answer.

He couldn't for the life of him understand why she was so uptight about it. So anxious. So alert. Surely after all he'd said and done she couldn't be _completely_ oblivious as to why he was doing this. She wasn't an idiot. Her instincts were barely ever wrong. This was the girl that had _immediately_ looked his way after Gale got shot in his leg – twice - during Four's explanation of Capture the Flag. This was the girl that had practically been _daring_ him to let her fall to her death when she let herself fall backwards off the roof that first day... She'd always had a sharp mind and there was no way she'd suddenly stopped using it now.

"You know _why_ , Keena." Eric settled on, both his voice and face carefully devoid of any emotion. Not even fake annoyance.

He struggled to keep it that way when she turned around to face him. Big sparkling emeralds stared him down, ordering him to tell her out loud anyway. It was not lost on Eric she too put a lot of effort into appearing as emotionless as possible. Eric grimaced. They put on a good show, the two of them. It was clear as day they cared about each other, but both of them were too proud to be the first to utter the words out loud. But his was justified. He had already told her – multiple times – the ball was in her court now.

Eric scoffed when after three agonizing minutes of silence – that might have been only seconds; truly, he couldn't tell – she still refused to reply.

"After all that's said and done, you know why, Keena. It's up to you whether or not you're going to allow yourself to believe it."

She snapped her head to the side – away from his piercing gaze – and nibbled on her lip, probably contemplating his words. Christ, she looked so young when her insecurities showed. She was, he supposed. He forgot that sometimes. She usually looked so strong and confident, so full of life and fire, that he'd forgotten she was only 18 years old. 19 in a few weeks. Experience in love aside, it was amazing how mature she was in other aspects. She'd been forced to grow up too much and way too soon in her life. The realization hit hard and momentarily vanished all his annoyance with her.

"You're right." She settled on. Her forefinger and middle finger tapped her thumb alternately: Yet another sign she was nervous – _really_ nervous – because it _showed._ Her nerves were so intense she simply couldn't keep up her normally stoic facade.

Eric closed his eyes. He couldn't do this. He couldn't sit here behind his desk with this disinterested look on his face when all he wanted was to reach out, touch her face and smooth out that troubled wrinkle on her forehead. To kiss her, and hold her, and tell her all would be well. That he would catch her when she'd fell. That he would protect her and keep her safe her.

And punish all of those who had wronged her.

And it wouldn't be because he hoped that those actions would bring her back into his life again. Yes, he hoped that would happen too, but that wasn't the reason for his vengeance on a murderer. He wasn't trying to _impress_ her with starting this investigation. He was only trying to bring _justice_ where it needed to be served.

And perhaps safe some of his own sanity while doing it.

That's right. The entirety of Dauntless wasn't completely wrong about him. He really was _selfish_. And violent. Ruthless in obtaining whatever it was he wanted, and right now he was out for blood. The blood of a criminal. A killer. A _kid_ _mass_ _murderer_.

This wasn't for _her._ He never was and never would be a chivalrous man. He only did things when they served _his_ best interest and he'd felt _so_ sick and nauseous after watching her go through her fearlandscape, that he just _had_ to do something. Not for _her_ , but for _him._ Because he was going insane with the knowledge of a child killer on the loose in his city. He would honestly burn this city down if that's what it took to catch this monster. Justice _had_ to be served.

Or so he had sold it to Max.

And it was true. For the biggest part anyway. He had started this investigation out of moral obligations, yes, and would've done so regardless of the person it had happened to, but that didn't mean he wasn't anxious for her response. Perhaps Keena just wanted to let it rest. Leave the past in the past, so to speak. She wouldn't gain back her siblings with it after all. No matter what they did. What _he_ did. Because the truth was, that his burning desire to punish – if not kill – this sick bastard actually _was_ more pronounced knowing _she'd_ been the one harmed.

She'd almost died that night and he wouldn't have been the wiser. He would never even gotten the chance to meet her, to get to know her. He would never have experienced that sheer thrill of seeing that roaring fire in her eyes, challenging him for this or that. He would never have known how interesting she formulated her sentences, full with hidden meanings, riddles and deeper knowledge. He would never have known what it was to love...

God. He really hoped she was grateful for this investigation. Without her cooperation catching the killer would be a nearly impossible.

* * *

"Eric?" Her soft feminine voice brought him back to present and he opened his eyes to watch her biting the inside of her cheek. "Thank you." She swallowed. "For starting the investigation. I – I appreciate it. I do."

And just like that, relief washed over him. He hadn't realized just how anxious he'd been for her approval until he had it. Not that he showed it of course. Instead, he stared her down, waiting for her to say something else but nothing came.

A shame.

For a tiny second there, he'd taught – or _hoped_ – that she had figured things out. That she was ready to admit her feelings to him – and herself – but it wasn't going to happen. She just came to thank him for starting the investigation. She was grateful, but she hadn't figured anything out. She wasn't going to talk about the _why_ of things... Nothing had changed. She was still too afraid to admit something was there between them. That feelings _were_ involved.

And although he _understood_ she hadn't figured it out yet, it also made him angry she hadn't stayed away from him. He had offered her all the time and space in the world; told her to come find him _after_ she'd figured things out... He was willing to leave her alone but it also meant she ought to return the favor. It wasn't fair of her to just barge into his office like she owned the place only to backtrack when things got too intense for her. Things were intense for him as well. He wasn't exactly an old pro on this whole concept of 'love' either. She couldn't expect him to be fine with her haunting him with her presence, when she was also the one placing restrictions on how he could act in her presence. He couldn't think properly when she was around. Not as long as he wasn't allowed to call her his, to be able to touch her, hold her, or even just fucking _talk_ to her.

She was so good at holding a conversation – the _real_ ones – not the small-talk thing he despised other people for doing. She had knowledge and a surprising view on things. Her funny little facts or her talent of stirring conversations to topics she'd been silently mulling over for a while always captured his attention in full. She made it look so effortless. So artful. So casual. As if what she was saying wasn't significant at all. As if she'd barely given it any thought anyway. And he would've believed it, if not for her eyes.

Her eyes had always sold her out.

Not that he'd ever told her that: She would've instantly seized speaking to him altogether – at least the important things; the things that mattered to her – and those where already scarce enough as it was.

 _Now_ though, he couldn't recognize anything in her eyes. No, that wasn't right. He could recognize a lot of things in the depths of her eyes, but it was no help. There was a raging battle between so many contradictions it made his head spin. Determination vs. insecurity. Stubbornness vs. indecisiveness. Relaxation vs. fear.

Eric wished he _hadn't_ recognized them – the determination, the stubbornness, the relaxation – because they rendered a lot of memories to the surface: A determined look on her face as she pushed him back onto the bed, her naked body sensually crawling over his; The stubbornly narrowed eyes as she complained about the amount of sugar he put into his morning coffee; And his favorite, that sparkle of happiness and trust in her eyes as she nestled herself into his arms on the couch; That sigh of total relaxation as he smoothed down her hair, massaged her back or kissed her forehead.

She'd been relaxed around him. She'd trusted him enough for her to feel safe and sound with him. Secure. And everytime she'd done that, it had given him this ridiculous but wonderful sense of pride.

She'd trusted him.  
She'd felt safe with him.  
She'd felt at home with him.

His heart ached to experience that again sometime. Soon, hopefully. But she wasn't ready to do so.

Not now.  
Not yet.

Possibly never.

With effort, Eric forced his gaze away from her bright sparkling eyes. He needed her out his office and soon, because his anger was slowly rising to the surface again. Goddamnit he had told her to come find him _after_ she'd figured things.

* * *

"It's my job." He sneered at her, the irritation in his voice obviously surprising her. "Which I'm quite eager to return to. So if you don't mind..." He looked pointedly at the door.

Keena blushed and stammered, opening and closing her mouth repeatedly without forming any real words, before eventually settling on closing it. She shook her head in confusion and Eric watched her turn around, shoulders slumped and her gait slightly off as she made her way over to the door. Her hand was on the handle now, and she pushed it down slowly but surely... but it never opened.

She was lingering.  
She wasn't going to leave.  
For fuck's sake. He _needed_ her to leave.

Because _this_ – whatever this was between them; this limbo; this hell of something-but-not-quite; this agony of hope-without-promise – it was _killing_ him. She needed to get out and leave him be until _after_ she'd figured things out... After all they've went through, he was sure she loved him, but there was no point in that – no hope – as long as she didn't want or trust herself to do it. And thus, he'd set her free. There was no point in waiting around for someone who didn't _want_ to feel anything. He'd been like that for the biggest part of his life and he had laughed at the girls clinging to him, thinking they would be the once to change him. It was a joke. They couldn't change him. No one could ever change anyone. Not even Keena had been able to change him.

Sure, Keena might've initiated the change in him – she was a special girl, worth changing for – but the change had come solely from within himself. It had taken him _weeks_ to recognize his annoyance for her was actually lust. _Months_ before he recognized that lust for like and even another few months to fully comprehend just how much he actually 'liked' her. Adored her. Loved her.

Eric was a man that always got what he wanted, because he worked for it – hard – and possessed the patience and stamina not to give up when things got hard. But he'd never wanted a girl before. A living and breathing person. Persistence could have the opposite effect on people. It could scare them off, especially when dealing with such a complex and emotionally scarred person as Keena. His perseverance wouldn't get him anywhere with her. She needed to figure this out on her own... Which is why he told her to come find him after she figured things out.

It was just cruel to come storming in here and remind him just how beautiful she really was. To remind him just how cute pink flustered cheeks looked on her. To remind him just how much he really truly missed her.

She needed to leave...

But perhaps – just _maybe –_ he had a reason to hope again. Just _maybe_ she was just gathering all the courage she could muster to tell him what he'd wanted to hear all along. Just _maybe_ she only needed that one tiny little push from him to admit some things out loud.

Fine _._ He would give her _one_ little push – breach the topic – but that would be it. If she wouldn't take the bait at once, he would order her out with his infamous demanding-leader voice.

"Look. If your not ready..." Eric started shuffling some papers on his desk, trying to appear busy in order not having to look at her. "That's fine. Just _go._ Be on your marry little way and get the _hell_ out of my office. Unlike you, I do have a job. I have more important things to do than waiting around for you to figure shit out."

She took the bait.

"But I _have._ " She whispered almost soundlessly.

On instant, Eric snapped his eyes away from the papers and up to the door, hoping to find hers looking at him in return, but of course they weren't. She was still standing with her back to him. Her delicate little hand still on the doorknob too.

"What?" To his dismay, his voice sounded as surprised as he felt. Hell, was shocked. There was a buzz in his ears, his head was spinning and for a moment there, Eric was willing to bet his life on it his heart had stopped beating. Not anymore. Now it was beating like a madman, but he tried to control his breathing enough for it to slow down again.

"I _have_ figured it out." Keena continued, still with her back towards him. "I'm just _scared,_ Eric."

His name rolling of her tongue was like a sweet caress and an indescribable feeling started in his stomach. Eric cleared his throat before urging her to continue.

"Of what?" He asked.

Keena chuckled emptily. "I'm pretty sure you'd kick me out of Dauntless if I'd listed all of it." She said. Only semi-joking. "I'm supposed to be _brave_ , but..." She trailed off.

Eric regarded her for a second but with her backside ever still turned towards him, he couldn't make out much. It annoyed him severely. He needed to see her face – her _eyes_ – to decipher what she was so afraid of. He didn't know her like this. Hell, this entire encounter was nothing short but out of character for her. She'd never been one to bite her tongue. She was sharp, candid, direct. Always told him exactly how it was or – when she did choose to remain silent – it was always because she had something on you. A secret. A 'I know something you don't' or worse: 'I know something you don't want me to know', but not this 'too afraid to even look at you' kind of act. He even preferred her frightened Bambi-eyes over this.

"Turn around, Keena." He ordered. "You're a dauntless now. The least you can do is face me."

There was an intended sneer in his voice. He'd been acting in her best interest for months now, keeping his distance so she could focus on getting through initiation. But initiation had ended two days ago and she had officially become a Dauntless member. It was about time she started acting like one. Or better yet: It was time for him to stop acting like a fucking Stiff around her. He wasn't selfless, he was _selfish._ He wanted her and he wanted her to want him back. He wanted to touch her and hold her and fuck her senseless. He wanted to claim her as his and his alone, so no other man here in Dauntless even dared to _look_ at her in the wrong way, let alone touch her. He wanted her in his bed, cuddling up to his side, or in his kitchen, happily sipping her morning coffee. Hell, even if nothing else, he would still be more than happy to just have her on his couch, maneuvering her bare feet underneath his shirt to warm them up to the heat of his skin, while he answered some emails on his laptop. And that was saying something. Her feet was like ice. Painfully cold, like frostbite.

A movement in his eyesight made him snap back to present.

Keena complied with his order with some obvious effort, carefully letting go of the doorknob as if releasing it would ignite a bomb down in the Pitt. She was biting her lip again. Pulling it between her teeth and moving it around, an insecure little look on her face. Her eyes purposefully downcast on the floor.

"I'm not going to say it again." Eric drawled unimpressed. "If you've got something to say, say it now. Or else leave my office, but don't just stand there like a useless Amity flower, _waisting_ my time."

She glanced at the door again, this time with more determination in her eyes. He could literally see the debate in her eyes and the cons seemed to gain the upper hand over the pros. Perhaps he had been too hard on her... Alright then: _One_ more chance – one _last_ push – but that would be it... _For real_ this time. Or so he kept trying to convince himself. He would probably give her another 40 if needed.

"Keena, what are you doing here?" He asked sternly, just as she was about to turn back to the door again. Only those who knew him best would be able to detect the smallest hint of gentleness in his voice. He knew she would. "And none of your funny games right now. Just... The truth, please. All of it."

His usage of the word 'please' surprised her, he could tell, but it seemed to do it's job. His words a little reference to their conversation in the weapon's closet two days prior: An encouragement of sorts, that he'd meant every single one of his words spoken that evening.

"I..." She closed her eyes, as if in pain, but she pushed through. "I miss you, Eric." She admitted, looking incredibly small and vulnerable while doing so. She briefly glanced up to gauge his reaction, but Eric knew his mask to be firm in place.

His appearance was as calm as his mind was not.

For some reason his stoicism only seemed to spur her on though. Perhaps because it was familiar territory for her, or perhaps because it made her angry. Whatever the reason, her walls crumbled down and the dams broke. Out rushed a stream of words. A chaotic ramble that didn't make any sense to him, but at least she was talking, so he kept his silence and listened.

"I miss you okay? I know it's stupid after all this time and I'm sorry I didn't say so before – I'm sorry for a lot of things, actually – most of all for saying all those things... You know? On the roof? When you were... And I was..." She made a nasty face, taking a deep breath as she walked back in his general direction, before settling on pacing back and forth alongside his desk. "I thought I knew how it worked, you know? But I didn't. Mira and Lara made me realize that. They made me see. It was as if I were blind before. I had no eyes! Not one! And I don't want to die with twelve cats, okay? Which is where I am heading if I don't change something soon... And you've told me things – _nice_ things – that made me feel good and happy but I disregarded it because I thought I couldn't trust you. And I probably shouldn't but –"

"Are you scared of me?" Eric asked, voice devoid of emotion. It wasn't as if it a new occurrence to him. People were afraid of him all the time, although adding his love-interest to the list was definitely a new occurrence.

"What?! No! No, of course not!" She exclaimed almost frantically, turning to face him with an incredulous look on her face as if he'd just told her he spend his time off skipping through Amity's flower fields wearing a yellow dress. She caught herself quickly though. "I'm not afraid of you, Eric. Don't flatter yourself _that_ much."

"You just told me you don't trust me."

A small smile broke out as he saw her eyes turn into flames. Green flames of irate wickedness, passion, _life._ Finally. No more fear.

" _No._ I just told you I _thought_ I couldn't trust you." She told stubbornly, her green eyes boring into his blue ones with unspoken meaning. It took him all he had not to get up from his desk and walk over to her, although he wasn't certain whether he wanted to kiss her, fight her or throw her out. A combination of all three, maybe. "And that has nothing to do with being scared of you!"

"Right." He snorted.

It turned out to be her - not him - who initiated to close the gap between them. She stalked up to him and slammed her fists on the desk, eyes narrowing in on him. Eric consciously crossed his feet and rested his arms on the desk to ground himself a bit more. _Don't get up. Don't reach out. Don't touch her._ He repeated to himself.

"What? Is your ego having trouble believing somebody isn't frightened by the mere sight of you?!"

"Well _excuse me_ for not believing you're _not_ scared of me when not a minute ago you stood there like a quivering Chihuahua!"

"Did you just call me a _dog_?!"

"Only if said dog is small, quivering and fragile looking and has big terrified eyes."

"ARE YOU FACKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!" She screamed, blazing fire. "I'm not scared of you! I never was. So you and your big fat ego will just have to learn how to live with that!"

She was cute when she was mad. Not that she really was of course. It was all an act. She was just nervous – feeling vulnerable – and she disguised it as being annoyed and angry because it was easier that way. He understood. Hell, he could _relate._ He'd been nothing but cold towards her since the minute she'd set foot into his office, but that was only his exterior. On the inside though... Emotions were boiling and burning and ready to burst. He didn't know for how much longer he could force himself to stay put behind his desk. His entire body was yearning to get up and close the last cold inches of distance between them. He was longing to kiss her, or fight her, or whatever it was they would do. What she would allow him to do. His hands were just itching to touch her again. To feel that silky smooth skin underneath his fingertips and the goosebumps that inevitably would follow. Her full soft lips against his own. Her fingers clutching and scratching at his back and neck.

* * *

"Fine." Eric threw up his hands in defeat, shaking himself from his lust. "You're not scared of me, but you can't trust me either? Is that the summary here?"

"No, I –"

"Great. Glad we figured that out." He interrupted her.

" _Eric!_ "

"Now if you will excuse–"

" _Will you just shut up and listen_!" She yelled heatedly at him, her hands flying into the air in exasperation. "You told me to come find you when I figured things out, and I have, so: _Here._ _I_. _Am_!"

"You think you've figured things out?!" Eric chuckled without humor, clearly not believing her.

"I don't think, I _know._ "

Eric merely sighed and rubbed his temple, trying to avoid that upcoming headache. He didn't believe her, even if she believed herself. She might think she'd figured it out, but she hadn't. She was still so... timid. So insecure about the entire situation.

" _I have_ figured it out, Eric." Her voice back to small again. "I really have, if you'd just –"

"No _,_ you _haven't."_ He sneered, cutting her off again. Her anger instantly flamed up again. He couldn't care less. He didn't want to hear what she had to say. What she supposedly had figured out.

"Yes, I _have_!" She bit back. "I _trust_ you, Eric! Whether you like it or not, I do. I mean I _thought_ I didn't – that I _couldn't_ – but I _do!_ "

"You _do?_ " Eric snorted, raising a challenging eyebrow.

" _Ye-es!_ " Keena exclaimed, obviously irked with him.

"Why?!" It was an honest question.

She brought up her hands to her head again, struggling for words. "Because I do!" She settled on lamely.

 _Right..._ "You just _thought_ you couldn't but you _do. Because you do._ " He repeated in a mock voice. "Congratulations Keena. That officially explains _nothing._ "

"It _does_ actually!" She emphasized and for some magical reason far behind his realistic comprehension, she sighed – deeply – as if about to explain something to a five-year-old for the ninth time in a row. "And if you could just keep your snarky little remarks to your self for _five_ _seconds_ , like a normal adult, I could actually explain it to you!"

He narrowed his eyes at her before waving his hand as to motion for her to get on with it. "Fine. By all means." He gave her as a spoken start-sign. "Blow me away."

* * *

He didn't believe her. Not really. She was a smart and intelligent girl. She would know he wasn't safe. She knew that. He knew that. Hell, everyone in Dauntless knew this.

He was the strongest man in Dauntless, both physically as mentally, which was saying something with all those peacocks roaming around here. He was, in a sense, the alpha of alphas and he sure as hell wasn't afraid to use his authority whenever he deemed fit. He was ruthless, relentless, undefeated. The type of mean you listened to in the face of danger because he was _never_ wrong. And this wasn't because of his impeccable instincts, natural intelligence or sheer luck, but because he would make damn sure he was never wrong: His ego wouldn't survive making a mistake and be responsible of other people's deaths (which is why Four's distrust for his training methods with the initiates bothered him so. He would never _actually_ let them die on his watch).

He was a leader. One that took responsibility not only for his own actions, but also for the actions of those he'd sworn to protect and lead. His soldiers. The faction. Hell, at times this entire city. To do so, he needed to make decisions other people didn't want to make – or couldn't – because they weren't strong enough. They weren't emotionless enough. They couldn't separate their heads from their hearts long enough to make a difficult but necessary decision. But he could. That's what made him so dangerous. So ruthless, unpredictable and emotionally unreliable.

He was not the good guy – the safe bet – the type of man she could count on for a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. He wasn't the type of man to hold her hand and tell her everything would turn out alright. He wasn't going to cheer her up from her shitty day. Hell, he didn't even know if he could offer her his _loyalty._ Other girls had all bored him after one good fuck and although Keena had been an exception to that rule, who was to say he wouldn't tire of her eventually? Even if he couldn't imagine it now, it was a possibility. A likely one, if statistics had any say in it.

He would hurt her and although he still wanted her to want him, he wanted her to make the decision with her eyes wide open. This wasn't a fairytale. He wasn't her prince charming, saving the day, and she wasn't some innocent princess either. They were two emotionally fucked up people who preferred being emotionally fucked up together, because they enjoyed it more that way. They played games and challenged each other – made each other laugh – no matter how reluctant it sometimes was. She was a pain in his ass. He a thorn in her eye. But it worked for them, because they mutually infuriated each other. It was their way of showing affection... most of the time anyway. He really wanted her to want him – to _love_ him – but she shouldn't delude herself into _trusting_ him. He would hurt her. He would. It was a matter of when not if. At least he wasn't trying to delude himself into anything other than that. If she choose him – and god, he hoped she would – she should do it with that in mind.

* * *

Keena sighed, collecting her thoughts. "Look. I _thought_ I didn't trust you, that I _couldn't –"_

"Repeating it doesn't make it sound any less dense as it did before."

" _but_ _as it turns out..._ " She continued unbothered, looking at him unimpressed. "I just _do._ _Logically_ I shouldn't because – well, you know – you're _you._ You're mean and violent and everything. But somehow I still trust you. Just like Lara does Jasper!"

"What do they have to do with anything?"

"Well, nothing directly, but –"

"Great. Than leave them out of it and get to the point."

"I trust you, Eric. That was my point."

"So you came all this way to tell me that?"

"No, I –"

"You trusting me, is what you've figured out?"

"Well, yes, _that_ and –"

"And you think that's what I was aiming for?"

"Not precisely, but it's –"

"And then to think it's not even true!"

"It _is_!"

"Just _go_ if you've got nothing sensible to say."

"I _do_!"

"It's abundantly clear to me that I was right and you were wrong. You haven't figured _anything_ out so if you'd –"

" _For fuck's sake Eric_! Do you _need_ me to duct tape your mouth shut?!" She slammed her fists on the desk with such force his pencil holder was knocked over.

"Do _you_ need _me_ to _physically_ throw you out my office?!" He barked back, before a cruel smile slipped onto his face. "Or better yet, all the way down the _Chasm_?"

She looked at him askew. "You wouldn't dare." It was a question. He had done it to people before after all.

" _Try_ me." He bit back in his darkest voice.

Green locked on blue, and visa versa, as the two stared each other down. Eric lost himself in their heated competition before she finally snapped her eyes away. He instantly missed the green flames burning his soul.

"Jesus, Eric." Keena sighed, sounding exhausted. " _What_ do you _want_ from me?! Why is it so hard for you to believe I trust you?!"

"Because I'm an asshole, Keena." He told her in his smug 'I'm your superior, so you better fucking listen' voice, as he leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head in an effort to hide the slight tremor in them. "I'm a sick, arrogant bastard."

She shook her head, confused as to why he was acting like this.

"Cynical and haughty." He drawled bored.

She smiled. "Well... _yeah._ "

"Ruthless... _Emotionless._ " He continued, putting more resentment in his voice in hopes her smile would vanish. He couldn't concentrate with it. Luckily for him, it worked. Her smile was quickly replaced by a frown.

"You're not actually–"

"Some might even say _heartless_."

" _Eric._ " Keena intervene with a soft sweet voice, shaking her head.

He ignored it. "I will hurt _anyone_ and _everyone_ standing in my way." He continued his warning, leaning forward again to add to his intimidation. He also starting drumming his fingers on the desk now, another attempt to hide their trembling from her perceptual gaze, but her gaze was on them, so he wasn't sure it worked. "And I won't lose a moment's sleep over it."

Silence followed.

"So?" She asked him eventually, when it became apparent he wasn't going to say anything else anytime soon. Her eyes were still fixed on his hands, drumming away on his desktop. "I still trust you, Eric. You might be all those things, but I still trust you."

"Come now, Keena. I never took you for stupidity. Trusting me is suicide."

She looked up at him then, smiling softly – fondly even. She knew. She'd seen the tremble in his hands and was calling him on his bluff. And all of that evident because of her knowing little smile.

"I like my odds." She told him in a small voice that had him awestruck, honesty sparkling in her eyes. Never before had she sounded so vulnerable. It was so very unlike her that Eric didn't know how to respond. So he remained silent. "I know what I want now, Eric. I think somewhere I've always known. _Unwittingly_ I know _a_ lot, it appears..." She trailed off, a bitter smile playing on her lips this time before she literally shook it off.

She spun on her heels and started wondering through his office, taking everything in as if it was the first time she'd ever seen it. She stopped by one of the paintings on the wall, her back towards him.

"But I'm Dauntless now." She spun on her heels and continued her pacing, still not looking at him. "I should be brave on all fronts of my life, or else I'll die with twelve cats..."

 _The cats again? What's with the..._ _You know what? He didn't even want to know._

She sighed in a way that indicated she was drifting off, lost in her own thoughts, but he couldn't tell for sure. Not while she persisted on hiding her face behind that curtain of golden curls.

"Twelve cats..." She repeated with a soft chuckle. "I imagine one is enough. _Someday. Maybe._.." She walked over to another painting, giving it equal attention as she had given the one proceeding it. "You know I never even owned a cat, or any other pet for that matter?" She asked to no one in particular. "I could be allergic. Who knows really? I definitely don't."

 _Alrighty then..._

She crossed the room, caressing the cushions of the sofa as she walked. "I don't know anything these days, it seems. Not if it's about stuff like this. Not about _you.._ or _me._." A pause and then: "Or _Us._ "

 _There's an us now, hm?_

Eric squeezed his eyes in contemplation as he followed her every movement. She stopped before the bookshelves to his left, her eyes skimming the covers.

"I really thought I had it _all_ figured out, but you can't teach yourself what you don't know. It's like a blind man teaching himself what's green and what's blue." She was still not facing him, and goddamnit, how he wanted her to face him. "I was blind, Eric, and I'm sorry for that. But yesterday... My friends showed me, you know? They made me realize that I am both! I am both Mira _and_ her parents. Parent-Me is protecting Mira-Me... Or was, I suppose."

 _Was she tripping?_

She took out a random book from the shelves, eyeing it with interest. Eric couldn't help but smirk. It was kinda cute how much effort she put into trying to appear casual about the entire situation. So calm. So relaxed. Like it didn't even bother her at all. He knew it did for a fact... Which was why she hadn't realized she was holding a book on the daily doses of nutrition for bodybuilders.

"But I want to be Mira-Me. I want to be free and happy. Just because I was clueless, doesn't mean I can't learn." Keena continued casually, as she supposedly 'read the back' of the book.

That was it. This whole 'look at me being all casual' act was just too damn adorable.

Grinning, Eric got up from his seat and stepped around his desk soundlessly. Settling on leaning against it from the side, he was now directly behind her. If he so much as pleased, he would only have to reach an arm out to touch her. Keena – in the meanwhile – put back the book and trailed her fingers over a different row, before taking out another – equally boring – book about city statistics.

That was the thing about the books in his office: Only Dauntless-approved books were to be found here. Books filled with obvious 'knowledge' – aka rational thinking – that could help him become stronger or a better and more knowledgable leader in the field. He could hardly put something he would actually read for fun into his working space. That's why he had his small personal library back at home. One that actually offered some interesting books. He would never outgrow his erudite entirely.

"So I thought about it some more last night, and I think I understand it more clearly now." Keena continued. Her blonde curls were still shielding most of her face, so he doubted she'd even noticed his change in position. And indeed, when she turned around to face him she yelped in surprise of finding him closer than she'd expected him to be.

"Eric – I..." She stammered and gasped, all of that nonchalant facade instantly vanished into thin air. "About what you said. The figuring things out... I'm not – that is to say; Rome wasn't build in a day, but if you – I mean, I would understand if you don't want to but... I would so much rather figure things out, you know, with... _you._ There... As well." She blinked up at him from below her eyelashes, insecurely trying to measure his opinion. A beautiful pink blush was coloring her cheeks.

Okay. He'd heard enough.

She may be an exceptionally shitty speech-giver – perhaps even the worst he'd ever met – and yes, he'd only understood half of what she had said, but it was enough. He got the gist of it: She was trying to open up to him and had miraculously decided to trust him against her better knowledge... Perhaps she really had figured things out.

He searched her eyes – her soul – and the depth that lay beyond. The warmth, the shyness, the insecurity. He trailed her face, her cheeks her jaw. He watched her swallow and wet her lips, a worrying little nibble on her juicy bottom lip.

Afraid of his response.

"Come here." He ushered, grabbing hold of her wrist and gently pulling her into his embrace. It was a good thing he was leaning against his desk, he was shorter this way and able to kiss her forehead without having lean forward.

Tentatively he let his hands trail up her arms, both of them lost for air. There was a spark when his fingers reached her neckline, touching the smooth skin just below her collarbone. He watched her chest heave in anticipation as his hands encircled her neck with ease, his thumb softly brushing over her barely perceptual Adam's apple. She swallowed hard, making it bob.

His other fingers by now clawed their way into her hair as his finger stroked the skin from her jaw to her temple, forcing her head up slightly.

"Keena." He rumbled lowly, implicitly ordering her to force her gaze up from his mouth to his eyes. She did. "If you let me kiss you now, there's no way back." He warned her honestly. "I won't back off again."

"Good." She told him seriously, her gaze flicking to his lips. "I don't want you to." And before he could kiss her, she had already raised herself onto her tiptoes, pressing her lips to his instead.

Eric savored the moment – the feeling of her soft pouchy pillows pressing onto his – and his hands cradled her face. A warm fuzzy feeling rumbled in his stomach as her mouth opened up for him and he let himself plunge into the warm and tantalizing cavern. The kiss was nothing like the ones they'd shared before. Although similarly intense and all-consuming, this feeling felt nothing like the fireworks or shocks of electricity he was used to. This was different. Before, kissing her had made him feel like he stood on fire. She was his flame and touching her ignited him too.

Now however, it was different. He felt on fire, alright. He felt like he was ready to combust into thin air any second now, but unlike other times he felt like the fire came from within. He stood on fire and she was his lifeline. Letting her go, allowing her to escape his touch for even one tiny second would surely be his death. He was quivering and shaking and he was sure his legs were about to give out on him any second now.

So did hers, it seemed.

She stepped closer to him – in between his legs – and steadied herself by way of leaning onto him. There was no need to look. Eric could feel her shake and tremble against him, her body a perfect fit to his. Slowly, he let go of her face and trailed his hands down – her neck, her shoulders, the swell of her breast – until he reached her hips and holding onto them for dear life.

His fingers fought their way between , reveling in the touch of her skin there. She moaned as he yanked her forward, rubbing their pelvises together in the most delicious way and she instantly replied by deepening their kiss, her hands flying up into his hair.

There was no time to come up for air. Only the need to stay close. Mouths attached until infinity. Her leaning turned to a crawling and Eric could feel every inch of her – every curve, every muscle – as she moved rhythmically against him. Growling as he felt her nipples harden through her clothes, his hands were quick to help her out of her vest and T-shirt.

"No bra today?" He smirked cockily at her, running his thumbs over the hardened peaks, making her hiss.

She answered him by way of lashing her lips against his neck, leaving a hot path of kisses that made him grunt. Lifting her up and away from him for a tiny second - which made her pout - he turned around to shove all the files off his desk. The papers flying everywhere had Keena gawking at him until he distracted her by way of lifting her up again and putting her on the surface instead. She meowed and purred like the jinx she was and pouted as he climbed on top of her. Refusing to kiss her for a bit.

She struggled to get closer to him, nails scratching his back as she moved the fabric upwards, indicating she wanted it off.

He refused.

"Go on a date with me." He breathed, leaning over her – on top of her – but not quite touching.

It was a tease. A promise. An eye for an eye, so to speak.

"What?" She asked with big eyes, momentarily forgetting her attempts to kiss him. "What did you just say?" Panic started slipping into her lustful eyes.

"Go on a date with me." Eric repeated slowly, his eyes hot on hers, willing the green to turn black again. "A real one. In public. A restaurant perhaps."

Keena frowned. "Eric..." She started, and he didn't like the tone of her voice – whiny – as if he should know better than to propose such a ridiculous thing. Except he wasn't the one being ridiculous. She was.

"I warned you I wouldn't back off anymore." He rumbled dangerously, his eyes unrelenting in letting hers go.

She didn't get to backtrack now. He had warned her and she had _kissed_ him. If she didn't want to be seen with him in public... If his reputation was too much for her, she should've realized that before! Hypnotized by his gaze, her hands came out to pull at his shoulders, willing him to lower his body onto hers. He didn't give in.

"And I told you I don't want you to." Her words were music to his ears, but the tension was still there.

"But you will not date me either." A slow humorless smile crept on his face. "Need to butter up your friends first, hm? Afraid of what they might say?"

She narrowed her eyes at his playfulness, sensing that there was an actual insecurity underneath the surface. "I would _love_ shocking them like that." She smiled briefly before turning serious again. A frown on her face. " _But..._ I was just hoping that perhaps we could... you know, wait a little with making it public knowledge yet. Just for another three or four weeks?" She bit her lip, trying to anticipate his response.

He regarded her for a second. A combination of guilt and hope on her face. To his relief, he realized she wasn't trying to backtrack. She really did just want to keep this private a little while longer... But why? What would be different in three or four weeks...

"You want to settle in at work first." He stated and his lips twitched up as he saw the surprise on her face for guessing it heads on.

"Yes." She admitted quietly, nodding her head slowly up and down. A shy look on her face. "I just want to present myself as Keena for a few weeks before turning into 'the girlfriend of', you know?" She explained nervously. "I want to date you, Eric. I really do. And I'm glad you asked... but, just – you know – Maybe we could just wait a little bit longer? I want people to be nice to me because they like _me._ Not because I'm the girlfriend of the faction's most notorious leader. Because they're afraid I might say something to you or because they want to get to you through me." Here she grinned a little and poked his shoulder that was still hovering somewhere above hers.

God, she was beautiful like this. Lips freshly kissed and swollen. Hair cascaded in a halo, draped over his dark desk. Chest heaving. Eyes fixed onto his own.

She was nothing he'd imagined he would fall for. If someone had asked him to describe his type one year ago, he would've been more likely to describe something completely opposite to her. Someone tall, dark-haired and obedient but though. Someone completely Dauntless. And yet... it didn't appeal to him now. On paper, Keena was too small. Too blonde. Too sweet. On the one hand she had a too ballsy and defiant attitude, and on the other hand she was too gentle, too adorable.

She didn't even realize how cute she was. That's what made it acceptable. She didn't know she was biting her lip and frowning in the most adorable way when she was reading. She didn't realize how her blushing or stammering turned him on. She wasn't aware of her humming or the way she played with her hair when she was particularly bored.

And she didn't do it because she wanted attention. She didn't do it because she was taught some silly little tricks of how to capture the attention of men. No, she did it because it came to her natural. Because she was raised in Amity, surrounded by kind people that all displayed sweeter and more feminine demeanors than the women here in Dauntless. She did it because it was wired into her brain, whether she wanted to or not. She did it just because.

And a year ago, Eric would've hated her for it. A few months ago he'd would've simply hated this side of her. But now... Now, he wouldn't change any of it. Not even for the word. She was perfect. The perfect combination between tough and sweet. Fierce and admissible. Sexy and sweet. She was neither Ginger nor Mary-Ann. She was both. She was different. And she was rare.

And it was about time he started treating her like such...

* * *

 _Well, that was [part 1]. Hope you enjoyed!  
_ _Make sure to review when you find the time!_


	47. Chapter 47: Quenched Thirst

**I can't even begin to apologize for making you all wait so long, but not saying sorry at all is even worse so take it or leave it but I am really truly sorry (again!). For those of you who can find it in their hearts to forgive me, here's another update. It has taken me forever (obviously), because I was kind of sick of the story for a while, but I'm back now.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

 **(And also make sure to tell me what you think. When that magical day arrives when I do go over this entire story again, I will look at all the reviews again and keep them in mind when changing my story. You guys will be the reason of my improvement!)**

* * *

 _"_ _T'is not enough on roots and in the mouth_  
 _But give me water heavy on the head_  
 _In all the passion of a broken drought_  
 _And there is always more than should be said."_

\- Robert Frost, The Wind and The Rain

* * *

 **KPOV**

Keena's steps felt like she was carrying some kind of wrecking ball behind her as she moved from one shadow to the next.

This was ridiculous.

Her heart shouldn't be racing as if she'd just ran a fucking marathon, her head shouldn't be spinning with so much fear it made her nauseous and her body shouldn't jump at every noise she heard, or every person she came across.

Just because _some_ Dauntless might recognize her, didn't mean they all did. And even if they did, they sure as hell didn't immediately know what she was up to: They weren't mind-reading Candors or over-speculating Erudites, they were Dauntless. They took the world as it came and didn't think much about insignificant stuff as to why she was walking here. In the dark. Trying to stay out of sight. Like the total creeper she was.

She could try to blame her paranoia on the location of her new apartment: Unlike the dorms she used to 'sleep' in, the way from her new apartment to Eric's apartment was unknown to her and not exactly in the same general direction of say... _any_ important locations. No Mess Hall; no Pitt; no Chasm; Nothing that would give her a plausible excuse if someone would feel the sudden need to ask her about her destination.

No, she was simply walking from the crappy suburban hallways to the luxury boroughs meant for the crème de la crème à la Dauntless (which in this faction pretty much equaled the most rudest and pierced-face bastards stomping around the compound). It also didn't help she was doing this at a time of day most people were heading _out_ of their apartments all together, preferring to eat, drink, socialize or dateanywhere but at home.

So, yeah, she could try to blame her paranoia on that.  
Except... that would be a lie.

Because the truth was, it was much easier to pretend you were afraid of people finding out, than it was to admit you were afraid of what the night entailed. And she meant it not as much in the sense that Keena was afraid of what would happen, but more precisely, how she could disappoint.

Which – _again_ – was a ridiculous notion.

Tonight probably wouldn't differ much from what they'd done before. She'd always gone to his place – not hers – and they had never ventured out much – unless one counted the training room, his office or the Chasm. So, yeah, it would still be just the two of them, hidden away behind the familiar walls of his apartment. She would knock on his door, like she'd always done, and step over the threshold, just like she had more times than she could count.

In those regards, tonight shouldn't be any different, and yet... it was. Because unlike other times, she now didn't know what would happen _after_ that door closed behind her.

Normally – as far as one is allowed to call something that happened months ago 'normally' – she used to kiss, touch, fight and/or fuck him. Their meetups had been easy. Physical. Uncomplicated. They would laugh some, and he would sleep as she read. Sometimes she would make them a midnight snack or breakfast or they would enjoy some much needed morning coffee together. She would tease him about the amount of sugar he put into it, and he would tell her off with some unnecessarily crude remark. They would have some conversations about training, or heated discussions about his behavior, but never – ever – had it been given a name.

They just were.

Which was nothing like now. No... Now he suddenly had to give it a name. Rounding another corner, Keena tried not to think about this afternoon – or more precisely – how he'd called it.

 _Flashback_

" _Go on a date with me."_

 _His words were like a bucket of cold water, immediately bringing her out of that lust induced haze._

" _What?" She heard herself reply, in some far away distance. "What did you just say?" Please let her be wrong._

" _Go on a date with me." His gaze turned stern, emphasizing the fact it wasn't a question to begin with. "A real one. In public."_

 _Fuck. Why had she not thought of that?! She'd been so busy coming to terms with her feelings for him, and his feelings for her, that she'd never even stopped to think what admitting those feelings would imply._

 _He'd been crystal clear about his readiness to commit. And she was too, in a way, otherwise she wouldn't be here right now, right? But fuck. This... It was just way too soon._

 _She just couldn't. Not yet._

 _Nobody knew her yet. She would enter her new job as what? Eric's whore? Lover? Girlfriend? Gosh she hated that word! It made their entire "connection" sound as some premature fling. Like they were two teenagers in love, who'd occasionally made out with way too much tongue, while he clumsily groped her breasts as if his life depended on it. Yikes. No thank you._

" _Eric..." She started but he cut her off._

" _I warned you I wouldn't back off anymore."_

" _And I told you I don't want you to." The reply had been instant. She didn't even think about it, the answer just came to her; laying there at the top of her tongue. She did want this. She truly really did. But just... not quite yet. People had to know who_ she _was before she got linked to someone else. Especially, when that someone else turned out to be the faction's most controversial leader._

" _But you will not date me either." Their was a certain hollowness to his chuckle that broke her heart. He was hurting and shutting her out. "Need to butter up your friends first, hm? Afraid of what they might say?"_

 _She scoffed at that. If only he knew her friends already knew... "I_ would _love shocking them like that, but I was just hoping that perhaps we could – you know – wait a little, before making it public knowledge yet. Just for another three or four weeks?" Even to her own ears, that request seemed unreasonably selfish and she bit her lip to stop herself from cringing._

 _She should've waited another three or four weeks before coming to him. She knew that now. She should've realized this. It wasn't fair to jump this on him now. Not when he had told her to leave him alone until she was ready._

" _You want to settle in at work first."_

 _Keena blinked, his words sounding like a goddamn miracle to her ears._

" _Yes." She breathed with immense relief, for once glad he was able to read her. God, she would hate for him to think that she was ashamed of him. "I want to date you, Eric. I really do and I'm glad you asked, but just – you know – maybe we could just wait a little while longer? I want people to be nice to me because they like me. Not because I'm the girlfriend of the faction's most notorious leader." Keena expected him to smirk at the title, but his face – ever the pokerface – remained impassive. "Because they're afraid I might say something to you, or because they want to get to you... through me." She finished softly, his stare making her nervous._

 _She waited for an answer, all the while hating how she couldn't read him as well as he could her. The silence seemed to drag on for hours, and when he moved away from her, she willed herself to speak in a steady voice._

" _Eric?" She whimpered. Great. Mission failed. So much for sounding badass._

 _Eric still didn't respond however, and Keena was pretty sure her heartbeat was about to go into overdrive as the next moments of silence seemed to drag on for eternity. It took Eric about fifty minutes to make that one step backwards, two days to turn around, and nine weeks for him to bend over and pick up her shirt from the floor. When he did eventually speak, some two or three years later, any emotion was carefully hidden._

 _His voice made of ice.  
His face made of stone._

" _I have a meeting in ten minutes." He told her by way of explanation, handing over her shirt. When she'd put it back on, he'd moved another few steps away from her. "You better get going if we don't want Four finding out about..." A waver. "This." He finished, with a wave of his hand, as if to dismiss it entirely._

 _Keena couldn't help but feel hurt by that. Why? She didn't know. She'd just wished he'd set 'us' instead of 'this'._

 _Focussing her gaze to the floor, she nodded her head slowely in agreement, afraid that any sudden movements would remind him of all those other reasons why he wanted her to go. Like the fact she was still a coward. Or the fact how she'd screwed him over by coming before she was truly really ready._

" _Okay." Her voice was rough and Keena quickly swallowed to get rid of the forming lump in her throat. There was no need for it – her crooked voice, the fear, the feeling of rejection – all of it. Eric was being completely reasonable. He was warning her about Four coming, which showed that he –at the very least– respect her wishes for them to remain a secret for a little while longer. That was a good thing, right? He was not trying to fight her for once._

 _But then why did she feel so damn rejected?  
And WHY was she overthinking any of this?!_

" _Hey." His voice rumbled softly, and she felt, rather than saw, him stepping closer again. The movement was swift and followed by his large hand on her cheek, his fingers gently caressing her smooth skin beneath his fingertips while he guided her head up gently, so she was forced to look at him. He always wanted her to look at him._

 _She quickly blinked the tears away, hoping he hadn't spot them. Honestly, what for a wussy had taken over her body?! Being this emotional wasn't like her at all and frankly, she didn't care much for it either. It sure as hell wasn't what Eric signed up for. For crying out loud, she was the top-ranked initiate! She was supposed to be brave and happy. Not insecure and scared._

" _Keena." There was a message in there somewhere, and Keena growled in frustration._

 _It was awfully unfair that even after months and months of radio silence, she still recognized all of his different tells. How could something so simple as the tone of his voice cover that much meaning? Him saying her name in this particular way conveyed so much more than just her name. It was this 'Hey, look at me. Don't you turn week on me now' kind of statement. Like a warning, encouragement and empowerment all at once._

 _And what was worse, it was exactly what she'd needed to hear. What she had been needing to hear for a very long time now. During their time apart she had even –once or twice– dreamed of of him saying it to her, exactly as he had just now. Because apart from the 'look at me' and 'you're stronger than this' messages he effortlessly seemed to convey in his tone of voice, it also made her feel something else._

 _Safe._

 _Safe – because he believed in her. Believed in her being stronger than she imagined herself to be.  
Safe – because she knew he'd be there to catch her if she failed anyway. Just in case.  
Safe – because for the first time in her life, she was the one being looked after. Being cared for._

 _It felt so great to have his support, and at the moment, she wanted nothing more than bask it in, not knowing how long it would last. She looked longingly at his arms, praying for them to reach out to her and wrap her in a tight embrace that would both swallow her up and protect her at the same time. Dear god, how she longed for one of those... She didn't even care whether or not she would look week because of it. She was just wanted one of his embraces._

 _But alas, what were the odds he would give her one now? Right after telling him how she wanted to make him her dirty little secret once more, when he all but told her he was ready to commit. Fully. Publicly. Thoroughly._

 _She felt his cool blue eyes on her face, perceptive of ever twitch, every blink and every breath she took. Naked under his gaze, she wanted to hide herself in another kiss, or bury her face in his shirt and breath in his smell... Honestly, she'd take what she could get as long as she didn't have to look up and meet his eye._

" _I don't like it." His voice rumbled purposefully, addressing the elephant in the room. "But I can understand where you're coming from." At this, Keena's eyes shot up to him, hoping to find the passions that had been lacking in his voice, in his eyes instead. She was in luck. There was a twinkle in his eyes, something warm and agreeable, until he narrowed them down at her with a pointed look. "Three weeks tops, though. Not four. And I don't want anyone other than me kissing you on your birthday either. Not even on your cheek."_

 _He knew when her birthday was. Like, he read her files so of course he knew, but he had remembered it as well! The thought made her oddly giddy. And just like that all the tension in her stomach was gone, and Keena couldn't help but laugh at his ability to remain stoic while stating such ridiculous 'terms'._

 _When he didn't join her laughter –not even in his own 'brooding Eric way' with a twitch of his lips– her laughter died off quickly._

" _You're serious." Keena breathed, not knowing whether to be offended or laugh some more. He didn't truly think she could stop people from kissing her on her cheek on her birthday did he? "Eric, you can't possibly hold me accountable fo–" She tried to elaborate and tell him just how impossible his request was, but got cut off by his lips on her own._

 _It was a simple peck at first.  
But then he lingered. _

_His lips breezed over hers with a featherlike touch, but when she looked up to his eyes, she found them devouring her._

 _Keena nodded – what for, she didn't know – but she nodded. Giving consent to whatever it was he had in mind, before closing her eyes and waiting for the onslaught she expected to come._

 _Except it didn't._

 _His lips were still on her – soft like breeze – and yet so far away. She inched her head closer to his, eyes still closed, but he moved away, not allowing her to close the gap between them. Furrowing her brow in confusion, she let her head fall backwards and opened her eyes, a slow whine escaping her lips as she met his teasing stare. His eyebrow quirked._

 _#! $%#!$* What a fucking arrogant bastard!_

 _With her ire rising, she wanted nothing more than to slap that smug smirk right of his stupid face, but was prevented from doing so when his lips forcefully latched onto hers at last._

 _Eric immediately took advantage of her surprised gasp by dipping his tongue into her hot cavern, on the search for hers. Moaning when he found it, Keena grasped onto his neck, pulling him closer towards her without intend to ever let him go._

 _This was intoxicating.  
He was intoxicating._

 _She could smell his cologne as his formidable form towered over her, her knees brushing the sides of his thighs as he stepped fully between her legs. She scoured her smooth skin on the stubble of his roughly shaved chin, as she angled her face to deepen their kiss. But best of all, she could feel the slight smile that tugged at his lips as her hands clawed at his back and hair, somehow needing him even closer when he was already pressed up against her._

 _Was it possible to die because you wanted someone so much? And it wasn't even about sex. She just wanted him. All of him. More of him. Closer. Forever._

 _Unsatisfied with her limited reach around his neck Keena let her hands slide southwards before twisting them in his dress shirt, a small grunt escaping Eric's mouth as she did so. A sound that rumbled all the way down to his chest. She was in search of something. Nearly starving without it. Like a deserted man, on the lookout for water to end his drought._

 _God, she'd been starving for so long she had forgotten how good he felt. How her skin tingled with sensation wherever he touched her. How her soul was let on fire whenever he kissed her. She finally had him back... and just a little bit of him wasn't enough anymore._

 _Lifting her hips of the desk, Keena ground against his, suddenly desperate for friction. Eric cursed into her mouth but she swallowed the sounds, unrelenting in letting him go. Her movements became feverish and rushed, to match the hurry she was in. She needed more of him. Just so much more. Reaching for the buttons on his shirt she managed to undo the first two before he grabbed her hands and pushed them away._

" _Easy, Amity." Eric chuckled, breaking the kiss. But his hard wood currently pressing into her stomach was telling a different story. As if reading her mind, he jerked his hips into her for good measure, his lips falling to her ear. "No matter how much I want to continue this, I wasn't exaggerating when I told you Four will be here any minute now."_

 _Keena sighed in defeat and let her forehead rest against his shoulder._

" _I know." She whispered, surprised to see small goosebumps appear in his neck from where her breath caressed it. "I know." She whispered again, more teasingly now, before kissing it softly. "I know." Another kiss._

" _Keena." Eric warned, a low rumble making up the sound._

 _It wasn't enough. Not yet. Not quite. After all, she was yearning for him. The least he could do was return the favor. Showering him with soft kisses in his neck, Eric's already weak resolve broke._

" _Fine. Have it your way." He managed in between ragged breaths, before grabbing her face between both hands and claiming her mouth with his own._

 _His hips jerked relentlessly into her thigh and she slipped her hand between them, cupping the bulge in his pants with her palm. Eric's eyelids fluttered as if it was the best feeling in the world and he broke the kiss to lavish on her neck._

 _His hands moved too. One cupping her arse and pulling it closer to the edge of the desk, while the other slipped between her legs, returning the favor she was doing him. And when she started crying out his name, his mouth was back on hers, there to swallow up every last bit of it._

 _They lost track of time as the kiss seemed to drag on and on forever – neither of them ever getting enough of it. Perhaps it only took seconds, or perhaps they were going at it for minutes, but however long it had been Keena was glad to note Eric seemed just as unrelenting in letting her go as she was in letting go of him... but damnit! Four really would be here any moment now._

" _Eric..." Keena somehow managed to extract her mouth from his. "I – I should probably go." She whimpered when he continued to shower her with soft kisses on her jaw._

" _Probably." She could feel his lips curl into a grin, but he ceased kissing her nonetheless. Instead opting to rest his forehead on her shoulder as she gently played with his hair at the nape of his neck._

 _In a way it was even better than their hot kisses from moments earlier._

 _It was calming. Gentle. Loving. Just another thing that squeezed out any remaining doubts she had about them. They could make it as a couple, because it wasn't just sex between them. She hadn't been ready to hear it when Eric had told her months ago, but she was now. They worked. They just did. And no matter how much she enjoyed the sex with him, it was moments like these that made her fall in love with him._

 _Simple moments, where he would let his guard down for just the tiniest of seconds. Moments in which he could act like a petulant little kid and show her just how much he disliked the situation without having to retort to his usual aggressive persona. Moments in which their silence was comforting and relaxing, and moments in which his arms would come out to encircle her just like they did now._

 _The silence continued, but Keena didn't mind. Instead, she hopped of the desk and closed her arms around him as well, returning the hug and reveling in the feeling of him tightening his hold on her. His fingers gently grazing her skin from where her shirt had ridden up to her waist._

 _There was no need to say what they both thought. They had missed each other and if that meeting with Four hadn't been happening this afternoon, Keena was convinced the two of them would've spend the entire day cuddling on his couch instead._

 _More than a little aware of the soft kisses Eric bestowed upon the top of her head, she buried her face even deeper in his chest, watching the rise and fall of his chest. His steady heartbeat the most soothing sound she'd ever heard._

 _She was pretty sure this was it. This was what love was supposed to feel like: To be hot and heavy over one another in one moment, and then be completely at ease in the next. His warmth, his touch, his smell... Under other circumstances, Keena was sure she could've fallen asleep._

" _I really should go." She whispered, forcing herself away from his comforting chest._

" _You really should." Eric agreed, making no inclination to loosen his hold on her._

" _Four could be here any moment now." She tried again, an unfamiliar smile tugging at her lips. She was pretty sure she'd never smiled like this before. It felt almost childish. But in a good way._

" _Hmm." Eric agreed, resting his forehead against her own. A smirk of his own on her face. Daring her to go._

" _Eric..." She closed her eyes, her whisper accusingly. But she didn't step away either. Their noses were touching now, and she could feel his peppermint breath breeze over her face. Rough warm hands insistent on caressing her lower back with lazy circular movements, hugging her closer._

 _Gods, she never wanted it to end._

" _I don't want to go." The words tumbled out of her on their own accord. She'd been thinking them for sure, but she hadn't meant to share those thoughts._

 _It was odd. She was pretty sure his proximity and touch made her week in the knees. Her stomach felt sick, her balance was off and her hands were shaking, but for some reason she loved every second of it, craving even more this newfound weakness._

 _Eric didn't respond to her audibly, but when she looked up to find the reason for his silence, she found his eyes dark and heavy on her. Gone was the cool gaze of cutting ice. And in return, she found herself staring at the depths of the ocean. But warm. Like a warm wave current. Just for her._

" _Eric?"_

 _Again, no audible response left his lips, but this time his fingertips brushed their path from the small of her back to her hips, where they gently squeezed her love-handles, pulling her closer to him to him. Keena groaned as he ducked his head, letting his lips travel across her skin, ghosting the path from her lips to her jaw to her neck._

 _Who even cared about Four anymore?_

" _Eric. We need to –" She instantly forgot what she'd been about to say when his lips attached to her skin with more force. Liking and sucking it. His teeth sinking into her flesh. The whimper leaving her lips brought out a roaring rumble from his, originating from somewhere deep inside his chest. As he reached that tender spot just below her ear, he continued feasting on her skin like a starved man getting dinner for the first time._

" _Eric." She admonished gasping –pleadingly– but her body inched closer to him; desperate to squeeze out all remaining air between them. "Eric, I need..." She whined, cutting herself off with a sloppy attempt of kissing the side of his head, only to find his hairline. It was hard to concentrate when he was working her neck like that._

 _How again had she gone months without him?_

" _You need to what?" Eric coxed, his nose caressing the shell of her ear, nibbling her lobe now._

" _I-I..." Keena stuttered, coming back to her senses. "I need to go."_

 _Eric made a sound somewhere between an amused scoff and disbelieving groan. "Then go." He challenged, retracting his lips from her jaw to look her in the eye. They were back to light blue, but not in a cold and distant way. It was... more of challenge really. A challenge for her to follow up on her words. The twinkle in his eyes mocking her, invading her very core, straight through her veins. Burning her. Electrifying all of her senses._

 _To hell with his challenge. To hell with Four._

" _Okay." Keena grinned, pressing her lips onto his softly._

" _Okay what?" He hummed, neither leaning in nor pulling back from her touch, although his fingertips teasingly scraped the skin between her jeans and t-shirt._

" _Okay, kiss me again."_

 _Eric smirked. An eyebrow raised, but he didn't respond. He didn't kiss her. He didn't say anything. Hell, he didn't even move. He did nothing._

 _Or well... 'nothing'. What was nothing, really? Nothing, apart from his fingers playing with that small patch of naked flesh between her jeans and t-shirt. Nothing, apart from that look that seemed to penetrate her entire being, soul and more. Nothing, apart from setting her entire nerve-system aflame._

" _Eric..." Keena spoke against his lips, her teeth moving, nibbling at his bottom lip. It seemed his name was her new favorite word._

 _He leaned into her and kissed her briefly, softly, sweetly, before moving away again._

" _Go." He insisted. "Before Four catches us making out like a pair of hormonal teenagers."_

 _She couldn't argue with him, even if she wanted to. He was right. He usually was. But that didn't mean she had to like it._

 _Keena smoothed down the nonexistent wrinkles in her shirt, before reluctantly making her way over to the door. Smiling back at his slightly troubled face he so desperately tried to keep from showing emotion, she couldn't help but tease him one last time._

" _Hormonal teenagers, you say?." She asked him, raising an eyebrow in challenge. "I'm eighteen, Eric. What's your excuse?"_

 _His eyebrows knitted together at her words and Keena laughing out loud, reaching for the handle on the door, but before she could properly open it, his hand shot over her shoulder slamming it back shut._

" _Oh, believe me." He breathed in her neck, leaning into her from behind. "If I had my way it wouldn't just be T-rated what Four walked in on."_

 _Keena swallowed, not even beginning to know how to respond that without ending up in another battle of lips. But as it turned out, she didn't have to. Pushing himself off the door, he backed a step away from her, and opened it himself._

" _In public or not, we're going to have our first date tonight." He whispered so Maddy wouldn't overhear. "My place. 8 o'clock. Don't be late." And before she had even registered his words, he had somehow maneuvered her out of his office, slamming the door shut in her face._

 _End of flashback_

A _date._

He had called it a date.

Keena had never been on one, and she doubted he had gone on many either. He didn't seem like the type to date. Not if his reputation was anything to go by. No, Eric definitely was a man to fuck rather than date... Right? And yet he had specifically called it such. Perhaps he had dated before. He was a leader after all. A leader with fancy dinners and late night meetings to go to. A leader that needed to socialize with the other faction's leaders in the name of peace. A date surely wasn't too uncommon to bring, was it? He was also born in Erudite, the faction with – without a doubt – the most stuck up etiquettes of the entire city.

God. He probably had been on many dates before.

Great. So _he'd_ know exactly what he was doing, while she'd be standing there like a fucking infant at Disneyland for the first time: Overwhelmed by penned up emotion, not knowing what to do and where to start. Only in this case, it was worse because there wouldn't be any maps to help her out. No guidelines or reviews, and even if she had been in the possession of such valuable information, she doubted any experience she might've gained back in Amity would've been of no value now. Every faction dated by different rules. Different games.

Besides, Eric was a breed all on his own.

So, basically, she knew nothing. Hell, without her friends she'd probably still be standing in front of her mirror, trying out different outfits.

Keena smiled as she rounded another corner, Eric's apartment only some hundred meters away now. She really had come a long way in regards to her friends. Yes, she was still private and probably always would be, but ever since she'd come clean about her past, it was like... like... just different. Better. More real.

It felt good to trust them with things. It sort of lightened her burden, in a way. Which, had someone told her this one year ago, she would've found utterly ridiculous. But it really was true. It was amazing really, how saying your troubles out loud could make all the difference. It literally lifted a heavy weight from her chest or something.

That's not to say, her friends now suddenly were privy to any and all details of her life. On the contrary, Keena had hardly told them any specifics, but at least now she was more willing to open up about some things that kept her mind busy.

Like her experience with dating.  
Or more precise: her lack thereof.

After telling the girls about her inexperience on the matter, Mira and Lara had talked her into wearing the skin-tight dress she had on. It was a black knee-length bodycon, with a narrow turtle neck and a fine knitted pattern. It gave off a casual, yet chic, vibe perfect for a date at home.

Apparently, anyway.

 _'It's perfect!'_ Mira had gushed. _'It totally gives off the vibe that you're effortlessly beautiful... That you do make an effort to look nice for him, without trying too hard, you know?'_

No. She didn't know.

She had no idea what that meant.

But she _did_ like the dress and she still had some credits to spare from her account – especially now she'd ranked first – so there was no harm done by listening to her friends and buy the damn dress.

So here she was. In her new dress. About to go on a secluded date.

Stopping in front of Eric's apartment, Keena took one last glance over her shoulder, gazing into the deserted hallway to make sure no one would see her entering, before knocking on the door.

Once. Twice.

And then it opened.

 **EPOV**

"Hi, stranger." Keena smiled up at him cheekily, as if no time had past at all. As if she'd never stopped coming over. As if there wasn't anything different about today than their had been months ago.

He would've almost believed her bravado as well, but her red-rose face gave her actual feelings away. She was nervous. Good. Because so was he.

"C'min." He muttered, holding the door open for her as he trailed his eyes over her body slowly, not caring if she noticed him checking her out. Hell, he hoped she did. Because _damn._ She was trying to _kill_ him tonight. The skin-tight dress clung to her every curve, unnecessarily emphasizing all he had been missing out on over the past couple of months. As if he didn't already know. "I changed some things around." Eric pointed out the obvious, as she took in his new interior with curious eyes.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time; changing his interior to rid it from the memories that had been haunting him for months. Memories of her, them, all of it. It hadn't helped much, but alas. Perhaps now his new interior could serve as a clean slate. A fresh beginning for the two of them. One where they could do better.

Not that he needed their relationship to change much (he had quite enjoyed their interactions back in December) but at the same time it felt like they had turned a page on how things used to be and they were ready to focus on how things _should_ be. Or at least, how they wanted them to be.

Which, for him, was the same and yet so much more than what they used to have.

"So you have." Came Keena's whisper before she walked after him into the kitchen, and sat down on one of the barstools. Eric noticed her fidgeting fingers from the corner of his eye.

Drinks. He needed to offer her a drink.

"You want something to drink?"

" _Please._ " She beamed, almost _too_ brightly before quickly conducting herself. "I mean... A drink would be great." Her blush was nothing short of charming. "With alcohol."

"Wine, liquor, cider, beer?" He listed.

An amused smile graced her lips. "So, you've finally decided to face the plebs and go out shopping?" She teased, making his mind wonder to the countless of times she'd teased him for having nothing other than Whiskey.

"I might've ordered my assistant to fill up my cabinets."

"Your assistant." She repeated, rolling her eyes amused. "Of course you did. Wine would be lovely, thanks."

Busying himself with the wine, Eric tried not to think about how he hadn't kissed or even touched her since she came in. It was weird: Here she was, back in his apartment, and somehow the gesture of kissing her – something he used to do without thinking twice about it – felt extremely off. Like something from another lifetime. A burned bridge. Foreign. Forbidden.

And yet, _not_ kissing her had felt weird all the same. If not more.

After all, not even six hours ago, she had been pressed beneath him on his desk. Being kissed thoroughly. But this... This felt different. Weird. Odd. Unfamiliar. And yet, not entirely in an unpleasant way.

They were stuck in limbo; Wanting to continue but not knowing how. Neither of them had experience on how to do this – whatever " _this"_ was anyway. What were they? Were they dating? In a relationship? Together? Partners? Lovers? None of the options seemed to capture what they were, because in truth, they were still nothing. He knew what they _used_ _to_ _be_ : a dirty secret behind closed doors, but now? He wasn't sure.

Neither was she, by the looks of it. Her hands were still fumbling; twisting and pulling every one of her fingers in turn.

When Eric turned to hand over her drink, she hurriedly reached for it – all too happy to have something else to busy her hands with – causing her hand to caress his briefly. It was nothing and everything, all at once. Eric's heartbeat sped up and he could've sworn he heard her gasp as he willed himself not to seem affected by the small and insignificant touch, but it was a lie. A strange string of tingling shocks spread through his body, and her touch was the catalyst.

Clearing his throat, Eric quickly stepped back.

The date continued in the same awkward atmosphere for a while, neither of them knowing exactly what to do about it. Or how to change it.

They participated in some polite if not somewhat boring conversation, the occasional tease the only thing that lightened the heavy mood. It wasn't until the doorbell rang, they both started to relax.

"That's our food." Eric grinned, walking over. "You better hide, before the delivery man finds out about us." He teased.

She glared at him, childishly sticking out her tongue and flipping him off, but when he was about to open the door, he saw her duck behind the kitchen counter anyway, and Eric couldn't help but chuckle at her predictability.

It was at moments like these he really wondered what he saw in her. But no matter how much his rational mind told him she was acting rather childish and cowardly, all he could do was find it adorable.

 _Adorable._

Now there's a word he'd never thought he would use.

"Delivery for two?" The young Dauntless kid asked, his eyes glancing past Eric into the apartment. He couldn't be older than twelve.

"Thanks." Eric snapped at the boy, sticking out his hand for him to hand over the bag.

The effect was immediate; the boy's eyes snapped back to his face, an embarrassed blush spreading over his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Eric – I mean sir." The boy stammered, handing over the food. "I just..."

"You just..." Eric repeated mockingly. "What? Like to stick your nose where it doesn't belong? Be careful with that. You might wake up one day without one." And without further ado, Eric slammed the door shut in his face.

"That was unnecessary." Keena chastised, getting up from her position behind the counter.

"Says the Amity, sitting on the dirty kitchen floor." Eric scoffed. "Excuse me for weighing your opinions lightly, right now."

"I'm _Dauntless_! And how can it be dirty when you never cook?!"

Fights. They had always been exceptional at them.

A grin spread over Eric's face, shrugging her remark off. "The kid will live. If he wants to be a Dauntless one day, he best learn now how he's ought to behave. If he doesn't, this interaction can serve as reminder why to choose fucking Amity instead."

"You're too kind." Keena deadpanned, but she followed him to the already set dining table with a smile and Eric, true to his Erudite upbringings, pulled out the chair for her.

Things pretty much loosened up from that point on. Perhaps it was because of the fight; because that small act of familiarity had broken the initial tension between them. Perhaps it was because of the generous amount of alcohol that flowed; Eric filling up their glasses as soon as they were empty. Or perhaps it was something else entirely. But whatever the reason, conversation flowed.

They teased and bantered, and he chanced some heated glances her way. She laughed at him for ordering food in from one of the Restaurants – he was still an awful cook after all – and beamed when said food turned out to be sushi.

" _I've never had sushi before."_ She had admitted sheepishly, and it was noticeable too. Her usual grace that came with everything she did, seemed to have abandoned her for the night. Instead she got clumsy attempts of eating with chopsticks. Every one of them even worse than the one before.

Of course he laughed at her.

As did she.

She played it cool by laughing it off, but he could tell she was embarrassed by her own childlike movements as she dropped yet another Nigiri in the soya sauce, making it fall apart. He laughed at her and she glared at him, and then somewhere along the way, the nerves had subsided entirely and all there was left was peace and contentment, as if having her here had restored the world balance... An it somehow made his home feel more like home.

She had never lived here – never even truly slept here – and yet her laughter was familiar to these walls. She soothed his otherwise cold and empty apartment with light and warmth. She teased, challenged and defied him, and she didn't shrink back from his angry stance or emotionless gaze when they disagreed. She fitted perfectly in his life. Like the missing peace he'd never even knew he had been missing... until he had her and she made everything so much better.

After dinner they moved to the couch, taking their wine glasses with them. He mindfully sat a respectable distance away from her, but as their conversation continued, she seemed to shift closer to him. At one point, she had taken of her shoes, initially preferring to tug her feet underneath her on the couch, but somehow they ended up against his thigh anyway.

And just like that, the loaded atmosphere was back. At least for him it was.

Keena seemed oblivious to it, happily telling him about... about what again? God he couldn't concentrate anymore. Not with her bare legs mocking him for what felt like eternity. He shifted his wine glass from his left hand to his right and back to his left, anything to keep his hands from stroking her leg.

In all honesty, it was pretty much doomed from the start. He already knew he would cave anyway, so why not give into the urge? They had shared a lovely dinner in good company. Her feet was rubbing up his thigh so why shouldn't he be able to run his hand over her calf, hm?

Because he didn't want the date to end.

That's why.

Eric knew that as soon as he caved and his hand would start stroking her leg, they would soon start kissing. And when they started kissing, things would escalate pretty quickly. And then once they were done, she would go back home, and he would wake up alone.

He didn't want her to go.  
He didn't want to wake up alone.

That's why he wanted to do things differently, because he wanted different things. Just having her for his carnal needs wasn't enough anymore. He wanted her so badly, so thoroughly it hurt. He wanted to push into her – and then some more – and never pull out. But tomorrow he would have to go to work, leaving her to do god-knows-what and pretend nothing was going on between them.

Not that Eric was a fan for PDA. It wasn't like he wanted to grab her in the middle of the Mess Hall and kiss her senseless for all to see, but... yes, no, alright. He actually did want that. He wanted to kiss her senseless for all to see. Mark his territory. Claim her as his.

God, he was such a caveman at times, it was embarrassing.

It wasn't like he was insecure or anything. Or that he didn't trust her to be loyal and faithful, but he just... He just... He was just so damn proud to have her. Just looking at her made his heart ache with want. Her heart-shaped face so soft and smooth. Her eyes magical and natural all at once. Like the most beautiful of forrest. Her juicy bottom lip called out to him, while the bow in her upper lip made all her smiles that bit more cheeky. Her neck was so delicate, so graceful and so ultimately feminine he just wanted to bury his head in it and feast upon her smell instead.

T'was not fair how alluring she was. Every part of was just so fucking perfect. How he'd once thought her too small, too delicate, he didn't know. She was everything she needed to be and more. Her arms, although still thin, had become more muscular by months and months of practice. The muscles in her legs more refined. She was in shape. A true Dauntless. And on top of that, blessed with curves to die for.

His eyes traveled from her face, to her chest before landing on her bared calves again and he had to physically keep himself from grunting out loud. That little piece of naked temptation; from her knees to her ankles. His hand was aching to touch his, but his rational mind was forbidding him to.

"Eric?" He looked up to her furrowed brows. Had she asked him something? Oh, god, he should've listened. "Are you alright, you look a bit pale."

Did he? He would've guessed he would've been red instead. Was it just him, or was it suddenly so fucking hot in here?!

"Eric?" He mourned the loss of her feet against him when she shifted them away from him. It didn't take long though, before she came closer again, her hand coming out to touch his forehead. "You feel quite hot, too. Was it something you ate? Was it the fish? The wine?"

"You ate the same thing." Eric barked, harder than intended. Luckily she didn't seem to take offense. "I'm sorry. I'm fine. Truly."

She didn't look convinced. "Perhaps I should go. It's late already and you need to work tomorrow."

Eric bit back a grunt, his eyes heavy on hers. "I told you I'm fine. Stay." A brief pause before worthlessly adding: "For as long as you want, of course." Way overdue.

She smiled and moved her palm to another spot on his forehead before moving them southwards, two of her cold fingers gently pressed against his neck. By now, she was sitting pretty much pressed up against him from the side, her folded legs leaning against his thigh.

"Keena." Eric threatened in a warning grunt, grabbing her fingers and pushing them away from him. "I advise you to keep your hands to yourself and play doctor for someone else."

The furrow in her brow was nothing short of naive and Eric barked out a bitter laugh. Of course she wouldn't understand how hard this was for him.

"I simply care about you, Eric." The sound of her voice was cold as ice, but the words warmed him nonetheless. "I'm sorry if that concept might be a bit foreign to you, but you look positively ill."

She was mad at him. Good. Because he was mad at her too. Mad for making this so damn difficult for him. The pining and the craving and the total agony of wanting to be with someone so much it physically hurt you. It was damn horrible to be in love and honestly, he missed the time where he could just walk into a bar, pick up a girl and fuck her senseless without a worry in the world about it.

But here she was, making that all impossible, because he wanted her and only her, and yet – somehow – even that wasn't enough because he wanted more of her. He wanted her so much he was afraid he would scare her away. He wanted her so much he was afraid he would reach for her and claw at her until their was nothing left to grasp. He would destroy her or scare her away AND THIS WAS A GODDAMN CIRCLE.

"WELL, I NEVER ASKED YOU TO, NOW DID I!" She yelled. "I'M NOT A FRAGILE LITTLE THING!"

Wait what? How much of his thoughts had he actually mused out loud?

His shock must've shown on his face because on instant her features calmed, to a soft and insecure smile.

"Eric, I missed you too." Her hands came up to cup his face, her thumbs rubbing over his slight beard. He hadn't shaven it in two days. "I swear to god, I want you just as much as you want me." He closed his eyes at her words, basking in the softness of her voice. So soothing, so exciting. All going straight to his groin. "Let me show it to you."

She kissed him the.

Softly on the cheek at first, and inching closer to his lips with every peck thereafter. Her body shifted along; her legs draping over his so she was now straddling him, softly moving her lips against his. Eric kept his hands worthlessly on the couch, for a second not knowing what to do with them before finally giving in to his carnal desires.

But his movements weren't rushed like he had expectant them to be. Instead he placed them gently on her knees, slowly stroking up the fabric of her dress to caress more of her leg. A deep growl formed somewhere deep inside his core and she swallowed it up with every stroke of her tongue against his own.

Her hips started to move over his, her breasts rubbing up and down his chest. Her fingers – god, her fingers – curling in his hair in the most tantalizing ways, scraping his skull.

He let his head lol backward, resting it on the couch as she bowed her head to feast upon his neck. All the while keeping her rhythm.

"Keena." Eric growled, his member painfully large. He needed more. So much more. She could give him all she had and he would probably still long for more of her.

"Shhh." She soothed, teeth scraping over the pulsing vain in his neck. "Let me show you."

She lifted her hips away from his briefly to pull at the hem of her dress, pulling it over her hips. He helped her of course. His big rough hands stroking over her thighs, hips, waist, side of her breasts until she lifted up her ams and he pulled it off completely.

His eyes devoured her. The swell of her breasts, emphasized by her labored breathing. Her flat trained stomach. Her blonde hair in stark contrast with that black lace set teasing him to take her. But he wouldn't. He wanted her to show him. But he would grab her arse, pressing her closer against him as she continued her rhythm against him.

She was so fucking beautiful it hurt and he wanted to tell her so, but no words would be able to get the message across fully. No words could do her justice.

"I love you." His eyes snapped to hers, not quite believing it was her and not him who had uttered the words. But it had been her. Looking into her green orbs, sparkling like emeralds, he knew it for certain. "I love you, Eric."

Their movements had ceased all together and if anyone would walk into them now they would see a scarcely dressed girl sitting stock-still on top of him. Neither of them moving a muscle. Their eyes were locked together for what felt like hours, an entire debate passing between them if she really did mean it.

"I do, Eric. I love you." She had never said it before. Not even this afternoon when she'd told him she had feelings for him. It had implied as much, but she hadn't actually said the words and in all honesty, he hadn't expected her to.

Not then, not now.

Their followed a total blank in his brain – like an error erasing any and every thought – and Eric didn't know whether to be scared of or feel comforted by it. Luckily his body seemed to catch up sooner than his brain and his hands caressed both sides of her face as he kissed her.

Softly. Slowly. Passionately.

They started moving again, but this time he did take control. He maneuvered them thus that they covered the entire couch, both laying on their sides just happy to kiss for a while. His one hand moved up and down the length of her body, while the other still gently held her face.

Keena was making the most delectable little sounds; purring and whimpering and sighing his name against his lips. Their was no rush as she started opening his dress shirt, button for button. There was no rush as her hands explored this newfound naked skin. There was no rush as she rolled her body against his. And there was no rush when she started undoing the button and zipper of his pants, slipping her hand inside his trousers.

Eric grunted her name as she cupped his manhood with her palm, biting his lower lip in agony. She grinned up at him with a mischievous little twinkle in her eyes, before kissing her way down from his lips, to his neck, torso and finally manhood. She looked back up at him then, seemingly as enthralled with him as he was with her and he lifted his hips so she could undo him from his trousers. The evening air was cold on his now exposed member, but he couldn't find it in him to care.

Nor did he care about her cold fingers as she wrapped around him, softly pumping him up and down. His breathing was ragged as his member twitched in her hand, searching for something warmer. Slowly, she bowed her head down, kissing down the base of his shaft, until she made it back on top.

Eric swore when her lips finally surrounded his throbbing head and his cursing seemed to edge her on. She slowly took him further into her mouth, licking deliciously along his shaft, one of her hands playing with his balls.

"Fuck." Eric grunted, grabbing a hand full of her hair and twisting his fingers into it. His eyes were fluttering as if they wanted to close fully, but the look of her, taking his cock into her fully was just too damn enthralling to give up. "Fuck, yeah!" He cursed again as she started to move up and down his shaft.

He let her set the rhythm as she deep-throated him over and over and over again. His eyes lolled backward, his balls preparing for onslaught and he forced himself to pull her hair, lifting her away from his shaft. "Fuck, Keena. I'm not going to last when you do me like that."

She smiled up at him, her lips wetted by a combination of her saliva and his pre-cum, making it all the more naughty. "What if I don't want you to last?" He stared at her severely, his mind once again blank. "Come on, Eric. Let me taste you. Let me show you how much I really want you. All of you."

"You're going to be the death of me." He said, equally as much in awe as he was in disbelieve.

Taking it as her cue, she refocussed her attention back on his wood. Swirling her tongue around it like it was a fucking lollypop before sinking down on it again. This time he wouldn't hold back. Twisting his hand another time around in her hair so his fingertips were scraping her skull, he guided her movements, bringing her up and down. Up and down. His hips started jerking on their own accord, going up when she came down and visa versa.

"That's it, princess." He grunted heavily as she choked on him for the fifth time in a minute. "You want it? Then take it. It's all for you."

His talk spurred her on and it didn't take long before he had her moaning and choking on his cock. Tears filled the brim of her eyes, but they didn't spill over. In fact, everything about her told him just how much she was enjoying this. She'd always been a sucker for dirty talk.

"Oh yes! That's it! Come on, little Dauntless." He coxed, pushing her head all the way down on him. "Take my seed. Take it all."

She was furiously bobbing her head up and down now, his hips snapping along in the same rhythm. His balls tightened up again, his cock pulsing inside of her warm delectable little mouth. "Come on, Keena." He hissed, seeing black spots now. Her moan that followed brought him over the edge. Stars everywhere as he pumped his hips up into her for another two, tree, four forceful strokes, her mouth sucking him empty until every last drop was swallowed.

Uncurling his fingers from her tangled her, he gently smoothed it down, soothing her skull. She looked up at him every bit as satisfied as he felt as she crawled back on top of him, pecking his lips. He sighed into her kiss, happy to just breath in her smell as she moved over him, seeking some sort of friction for her own needs.

"Give me two minutes." Eric promised, her horniness making him chuckle. "And I'll return the favor with equal passion."

As it turned out, he didn't need two minutes. Ten seconds of kissing her had him hot and bothered again. Thirty seconds of massaging her arse and hearing her moans were enough to make his fingers frenzied.

"You're gonna be the death of me." Eric sighed, rolling on top of her and starting feasting on her neck.

Just like her, he was planning on drawing out his way down by way of kissing every inch of her chest. Unlike her, he wouldn't stop by mere pecks. Instead he opted for hot open-mouthed kisses that allowed his teeth and tongue to play along. God, he so loved her body. So soft and feminine. So tasty. And it smelled fucking amazing too.

She started to giggle when he scraped his teeth over her skin and down to her breast, but it quickly changed into moaning as he sucked her nipple through her bra until it stood red and stiff underneath the lacy fabric. Her breathing became heavy too. Paying equal attention to her other breast, one of his free hands had started sliding down her abdomen until it reached the edge of her panties, where it settled on playing with the ruffles, making her squirm for more.

"Take it off." Eric ordered horsely, cupping her breast underneath the fabric and pulling it up so he could lavish on it – skin to skin.

"Which one?" She asked coyly, a meow escaping her as he pressed his index finger against her soaked through panties.

"Whichever one you like." Eric breathed, his mouth still hovering above her nipple.

She took off her bra.

Keeping his one hand on her entrance, teasing her folds through the thin fabric that kept him from fully entering, he brought up his other hand to feast upon her full milky breasts. Her nipples pink and taunt, stranding proud and stiffly in the air, hoping to get noticed. And notice them he did.

"I swear to god, Keena, you have the most gorgeous fucking tits ever." He grunted, rubbing his face in them.

Keena laughed, shaking her head at his antics. "Don't tell _me_ , show them." She teased, pressing his head further down on them, forcing her elbows a little together for good measure.

It continued for a while like that. His mouth sucking and pulling at her over-sensitive nubs as she meowed and whimpered underneath him. Desperate for more contact. More pressure. More him. Slowly but surely, his attention started to shift from her delectable breasts to another more fully eatable part of her body.

Kissing and licking his way down over her salty sweaty skin, he brought his mouth down to her wanting cunt. She was squirming beneath him as his hands hold down both sides of her hips to stop her from bucking her hips up at him.

"Shhh." He breathed over her sex, using her own words against her. "Let me show you." He mocked evilly, earning him a lustful glare that made him chuckle.

"I swear to god, Eric." She started, throwing _his_ words back at him. "If you don't hurry up I'm going to fucking kill you."

His grin only widened at her threat.

"What?" He asked coyly. "You mean like this?" He kissed the inside of her thigh, his nose briefly touching her sex.

"No, more!" She whined, trashing against his hold on her hips.

"Oh, like this?" He coxed, pressing his tongue teasingly against the lace right over her pearl. It was hard enough for her to feel it, but not nearly enough to give her the much sought release.

"Eric!" She warned, but he high tone of her warning made it sound more like a request instead.

Deciding he had teased her enough, Eric pressed down a kiss on her panties, licking the evidence of her arousal off it. Hmm, she tasted so sweat.

The smell of her numbed his other senses and Eric secretly wanted nothing more than to devour her completely. To eat her like she'd sucked him. But first, one more little test.

"I'm going to release your hips now, okay?" He told her sternly, eyes burning into hers. "But you have to promise me to be a good little girl and stay still, alright?"

"Yes, fuck yes! Whatever you say. Just get on with it already!"

He chuckled at her response and released his hands from her hips. For a moment, he expected her to push up her hips against him anyway, but true to her word, she stayed still. Good.

Settling his hands on her ankles, he slowly stroked them upwards until he reached her knees. Pushing them up so she now stood with both feet on the couch, he continued to stroke her until reaching the highest point of her inner thighs.

His thumbs slowly parted her folds and he looked her straight in the eye as he brought down his mouth on her waiting cunt, licking it slowly as he watched her pupils roll back.

Her smell, her taste, it was all to overwhelming. Diving in deeper he rubbed his nose against her clit, his tongue fucking her mouth and eating her out. She was wet – so wet – and so fucking sexy as she gasped his name, one of her hands coming out to push him ever further into her.

Well, with pleasure.

Inserting a finger into her hot and wanting core, she cried out his name. Over and over again.

"Yes, baby." He rumbled, sucking and flicking at her pearl until she was trembling and crying out beneath him. "That's right. Be my little wanton girl." She was close, he could feel it.

Diving in deeper with his tongue, her words became unintelligible and her moans louder and louder. The occasional 'please' and 'fuck' and 'yes', he still understood, but other than that it didn't make any sense.

Adding yet another finger to her throbbing cunt, his other hand reached behind him to one of her knees until she had both of her legs safely wrapped around his neck, giving her more friction in between.

He lapped at her dripping arousal, thrusting his own painfully hard cock worthlessly into the couch. His free hand traveled to grope at her arse, hip and breasts as his tongue just licked and flicked away. Lapping up her arousal like an animal starving for water.

Inserting a third finger into her core, he could feel her building up. Yes. Yes! She was so close, so close, just one more push. Pulling his tongue from her core settled them over her clit, sucking gently but surely until their was no air left to suck and then he flicked his with his tongue and he felt her explode all around his fingers.

"Eric!" She cried out loud, pulling her hair, at loss over what else to do.

"He, shhh – shh. Keena, please." He tried to sooth, bringing his free hand up to her face, caressing it sweetly. They could play it rough later on if she wanted, but he didn't want her to pull out her own hair in her state of ecstasy. "Here, take my hand instead."

When she didn't respond, seemingly not even hearing him to begin with, he unwrapped her legs from his neck and crawled over her body and pried her abusive hand away from her hair. She opened her eyes, coming down from her high and stared up in his in shock. Hell, she seemed terrified. That, with her trembling lip and watery eyes.

"Is everything alright?" Eric asked worried. He would kill himself if he'd hurt her.

She nodded her head and tried to smile, but he wasn't fooled easily. Nor did the fact that she almost choked on her own smile add any credibility to her obvious lie.

"Keena, if I hurt you..."

"You didn't!" She interrupted, suddenly the tough as nails type of girl he'd also come to know. "You didn't, Eric. I swear, you didn't! It was wonderful and perfect and pretty mind-blowing."

"Ho, ho. No need to stroke my ego like I'm an injured deer." Eric joked, although still eyeing her suspiciously. "It takes away some of the credibility, you know."

She looked at him seriously and squeezed his hand. "I mean it, though. It was amazing and then... I really don't know what came over me. Lately..." She trailed off.

"You've had a lot to deal with lately." Eric nodded in understanding. "Emotions can be overwhelming."

Her green orbs looked up at him with an unreadable expression, but whatever it was, she clearly wasn't about to voice it. Perhaps another time. So instead of pestering her about it, he hugged her closer to him and smoothing out some tangled hairs, away from her face. He let his thumb linger on her cheek for a little longer than necessary before she eventually snuggled up to him burying her face against his chest.

Breathing in the flowery sent of her hair, he kissed the top of her head and tightened his hold on her.

They laid in silence like that for a while. Neither of them inclined to talk or move away from each other's warm embrace. Eventually, however, Eric noticed that mere body heat wasn't enough for her anymore. As his fingertips traveled the curve of her body, he came across more and more goosebumps everytime.

Even so, it took him another ten minutes of stroking her chilly body to collect enough courage to breach the next topic. He just hoped she wouldn't get up and leave instead.

"You know..." He started softly, his voice sounding rough from the cold evening air. "It would be a lot warmer in bed." He stroked a patch of goosebumps for good measure.

She didn't respond. At all.

He removed one arm from his embrace, so he could look at her properly. Her eyes were closed, her breathing even. Her light skin glowing in the scarcely lit room.

And Eric couldn't stop his lips from twitching up into a smile.

A full blown smile.

A smile that spoke of victory.  
A smile that spoke of fondness and awe.  
A smile that spoke of pure bliss, in the most innocent of forms.

A smile that would make fucking Amities jealous.

He had done it. He had somehow won enough of her trust for her to fall asleep at his place. In his arms no less. He just hoped he wouldn't wake her as he carried her to bed.

* * *

 **Please review!**


	48. Chapter 48: Good Morning Indeed

**Well, hello again! I bet you guys weren't expecting me back so soon.**

 **Should I be studying, right now? Definitely yes.**  
 **Is sitting at home all day everyday (#covid-19 life) making me feel particularly bored? Also yes.**  
 **Is my way of dealing with boredom writing? Hell, yes!**

 **You are going to love this if you like smut.**

 **If not, I advise you to stop reading at the point where they're about to have sex and skip to maybe the last two three alinea's of the text (it's fairly obvious), because a lot of it is just smut, sex, and sexy time. Although, different than anything I've ever written before because I feel their relationship has evolved to handle more intimate stuff. No worries for those who also liked the smut I've written before, because Eric's stil Eric, so he will get a tiny bit dominant somewhere in the middle. But it's still different.**

 **Anway, I hope you all enjoy! I know I did when writing this.**

 **Keep safe & lots of love!**

* * *

 **KPOV**

She woke up to the sound of birds chirping, feeling more rested than ever.

The warm morning sunlight had found its way through the shutters, casting the room in gold-and-shadowy shapes. It rather reminded her of a kaleidoscope.

She was familiar with this light, all too much. The ceiling too. How many nights had she not spend here, fearing to fall asleep? How many nights had she spend worrying about the idea of falling asleep and waking up like this? Some nights she had mystified it, like it was some far-far-far-away dream, never truly in her grasp. But most nights, she had vilified it, or even demonized it, like a horrendous nightmare one wanted to avoid. It was quite embarrassing really, looking back on it, how big an issue she had made of it.

Especially since she now knew there had been nothing to fear.

Perhaps she _should_ be more freaked out. Even if it was just to make a point. To grant her former fear some credibility or so. But she just _wasn't._ Quite the opposite really. She had never felt more safe and sound. Than right here, in his arms.

She was hyper-aware of the arm draped over her waist. A body pressing into her from behind. Spooning her. Soothing her. Protecting her. Completing her.

The feeling wasn't entirely knew, per se. They had spend hours of their after-sex-haze in this position, simply enjoying each other's company in silence. His fingers would draw patterns on her back, his mouth kissing between her shoulder blades or neck. At times, Eric had even reached for her in his sleep, when she'd been silently reading beside him in bed. He, of course, had been totally unaware of the effect it had on her. His warmth. His smell. His sturdy solid arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace. It had been so tempting to just close her eyes. So-so tempting.

It was even better waking up in them though.

It felt more natural like this. Less like they 'just happened' to end up in the position and more like... they belonged that way. Like their bodies were designed to fit into one another so perfectly.

As if privy to her inner turmoil, Eric tightened his hold on her. His large palm pressing into her stomach, pulling her closer into his chest. When he got her where he wanted her, and she snuggled up even closer, he hummed contently in his sleep. Her heart warming at the sound of it.

He could be quite cute while asleep.

Prying the hand from her stomach, she pulled it up between her arms, until it reached just below the covers. She took his hand between both her hand, amazed again by their difference in size. The entire length of her hand – from the bottom of her palm to the tip of her middle finger – barely reached his knuckles.

His knuckles.

They were chapped and rough, with cuts and dried up blood, as if he'd been fighting up against a wall a day prior. Perhaps he had. For someone who always looked so silent and in control, he did have one hell of a violent side when that cool and collected persona finally cracked. His fight with Alijah two days prior the most recent incident that came to mind. But not nearly the only one.

Tracing the coarse skin with the tip of her index finger, she slowly bended her head to land a soft kiss on one of his knuckles.

She wished she knew what troubled him so. What set him of to alternate between two such entirely different persona's. He was cold and hot-blooded at once. The tiniest bit of provocation would lead him to setting the world on fire, and then when all damage was done, hell would freeze over once again.

The cold-bloodedness she could place. The analyzation, the calculation, the cold and distant behavior. A lot of Erudites were raised that way: Thought to be as unemotional as possible, as if logic would be the answer to all world problems. Like hell it was.

But his Erudite upbringing still didn't explain his hot temper.

His anger, his rage, his fury.  
His wickedness, hostility and sadism.

His character was like the ocean, really. Usually the water was calm and silent, going along with the tide. Not that Eric was an easy person. She could hardly describe him as a sunny summer day on the beach – god no! He was more like the calm waters of the ocean in that mysterious or even eerie way. Waters that made you shiver in anticipation, because regardless of the tranquility and quietness, you knew something awful was lurking just beneath the surface.

Eric was the shark circling your raft, the Bermuda Triangle, or the fog would clouded your vision until you crashed upon the rocks. The question wasn't _whether_ you would drown, but rather _when_.

And when that time came, the sky would cloud over and waters got wild. The rage would consume him, possess him, and his roaring sea would swallow up and destroy everything in it's wake – including himself. Because not even the great white shark himself was safe from the mighty whirlpool of his creation.

His outrages weren't normal. Not for an Erudite, but also not for a Dauntless. Here he was, transferred from the clinical and detached faction to one that lived for thrill and danger, and he was still too much for them. They respected him, yes, but they feared him as well.

And he somehow was okay with that.  
Hell, he somehow wanted that.

Keena wondered how he'd become like this. Not that she wanted to change him. Not at all. She just didn't understand. She couldn't imagine Erudite inciting such outraged behavior, and yet it seemed so engrained into his character, it must've been there since he were younger. Hardwired into him.

What pains has he suffered to want to be feared rather than liked? Where does his anger originate from? Who had set this example for him, of dealing with anger in this way? How could he feel and show his anger so intensely, and yet seem indifferent to all other emotions... At least when it didn't involve her.

With her he was different.

Yesterday she had cried and he had done everything perfect in his response. He hadn't babied her or made her feel bad about ruining the mood. He hadn't ignored it, pushing through to complete his quest of having sex with her. And he hadn't demanded an explanation when she so obviously couldn't think of one herself. Instead, he had _provided_ her an explanation, making her feel comforted and understood, and as if that wasn't enough already, he'd then continued to sooth her her by holding her, sussing her and kissing the top of her head.

Again: He had been everything perfect and lovely.  
Because apparently, for her, he was willing to be those things.  
Apparently for her, he was willing to bring down his defenses a bit.

She'd been granted a peek through the spiky walls others were too terrified to climb. And a beautiful garden laid beyond. She wasn't afraid of his though exterior. Not anymore, anyway. Perhaps in the beginning, she'd been a tiny bit afraid of him, but not enough to stop trying. Not enough to stop her from loving every moment of it. The thrill. The excitement. The exclusivity.

Eric was... unlike any other man she'd ever met. He was tantalizingly beautiful in a way that rattled your bones. His ice cold eyes –so smart, so perceptive– penetrated your entire being, like he not only _knew_ , but _owned_ your every thought. Making you question all and everything. Even yourself.

His violence was part of that beauty. She knew it was too big a part of him, for him to ever change. She didn't needed him to change. She never cared much for the opinion of people she didn't know, or hadn't had in high regards anyway, so she wasn't afraid of people's opinion when the truth would finally come out and the entire faction would know they would be dating.

People would call her crazy –or suicidal– no doubt. They would question her common sense of interacting with a guy like that, on such an intimate scale. Sure, a lot of women wanted to have a piece of him. She'd heard whispers about Eric's sex reputation in the faction – how could she not? – and she'd come to the conclusion Eric had gone through his fair share of women before she'd joined Dauntless. But that was just sex. For Dauntless – and Amity alike, by the way – sex wasn't that big of a deal. Dauntless did it for the thrill. Amity to spread the love. But in neither case it was necessarily intimate.

For intimacy you needed to stick around.  
For intimacy you needed to open yourself up, and let another one in.

In Amity, this meant trusting someone with your worst thoughts and feelings.  
In Dauntless, this meant trusting someone with your best.

None of his hookups had been intimate with Eric. Of that she was sure. Not in the way she had been. And for some reason it made her oddly giddy... To be the only one he trusted enough to be kind to.

But it wasn't enough.

Keena wanted to return the favor. She wanted to be there for him like he'd been there for her. She wanted to soothe his wounds and help carry his burdens. She wanted to understand him like he always seemed to understand her. To be able to give him what he needed, even when he didn't know what that was himself.

But she couldn't.

And not because of any shortage in wanting or trying to on her part, but because simply trusting her enough to show her his kind and thoughtful side was not the same as letting her in. Yes, she had been granted peeks of that beautiful garden laying beyond his spiky scary walls, but it was merely by looking through the cracks. Each stroke of her hand would make his walls crumble just that tiny bit more, but it was up to him when he would invite her in. It was up to him when he would finally trust her enough to care for and nourish his vulnerable garden.

Perhaps one day he would let her.  
Perhaps one day he would let her in.

But until that day came, she would take what she could get. She was at his mercy. He decided when – and if – his kindness would shine through. And until he would trust her with more, she would be here to –at the very least– soothe his exterior wounds. She might not be able to help carry his burdens, but she could take away some of the pain.

She squeezed his hand tighter between her own and kissed his sore knuckles again. And then again. And again. And again. She kissed them all and then some more. His chapped skin felt rough on her lips, but she quite liked the difference in texture. Yet another example of how their disparities seemed to compliment each other.

Rough – soft.  
Anger – smiles.  
Warm – cold (body temperature).  
Cold – warm (display of character).  
Big – small.

Her pillowy lips still tracing the outline of knuckles, Keena snuggled even closer against him, at complete ease to be here, in his arms. Outside the birds were still chirping, some singing a little song. As a kid, she'd often wished to be a bird instead, figuring that in that way, she could be free to go wherever she pleased. Unburdened from responsibilities and social conformation... But right now, there was nowhere else she'd rather be, than right here in his arms.

The soft but sudden kiss on her shoulder startled her enough to jump away from his touch, but luckily Eric's tightening hold on her prevented her from going far.

"Good morning." His delicious voice rumbled near her ear, and Keena briefly wondered if there had ever been words more true.

It _was_ a good morning. In fact, it was a _great_ morning. Perhaps even the best she'd ever had. Or at the very least, the most peaceful one.

Keena made an attempt to turn around in his embrace so she could face him, but he didn't let her get very far, opting to nuzzle his face into the crook of her neck instead. His lips latching onto her skin.

She hummed in appreciation, her body reflexively responding by granting him further access and grinding against him. She couldn't help the small intake of breath when she felt his morning wood press into her from behind.

Eric growled against her skin in appreciation, sounding particularly rogue, and he rolled his hips against her arse for good measure. She played along, rubbing against him. A soft moan escaping her throat as his teeth scraped over the pulse in her neck.

"Did you sleep well?" He breathed, showering her with small kisses on her jaw. Keena had expected him to sound smug about it, but to her surprise he sounded genuinely curious. Happy too.

"Hmm." She hummed, angling her face so she could peck him on the lips. "Never better." And it was true.

He attacked her mouth then, claiming it into a soaring kiss. She easily obliged and opened up for him, moaning as their tongues reunited in their battle of wills. She played the game for a little bit, but to be honest her heart wasn't in it. She didn't care for dominance right now, she only cared for him and his touch. So she let him. She let him dominate the kiss. She let him be the alpha taking control.

He could take all of her if he pleased.

His fingers explored her skin, leaving shivers in their wake. Her own hands reached behind her, one on the back of his neck, pulling him closer, the other grasping his hip so she could grind agains him more thoroughly. She was aroused –so aroused– her body aching for this for months. Skin to skin. Flesh to flesh. Heat to heat.

Yesterday had been great and all – and emotionally overwhelming – but her body was aching for something more right now. Yearning to be filled.

" _Eric._ " Her voice like a whisper, swallowed up by his kiss. But he heard her anyway, understanding her meaning. Her request. Her needs.

His hands grabbed her hips with force and yanked her arse flush against his manhood , so it was now gliding between cheeks, heading for her center. The girt of his size spread her buns wide around him and with every roll of her hips, she could feel his thick throbbing head inch closer and closer to her waiting core.

When it got there, sliding between her slick wet folds, Keena half-expected him to quickly fill her up from behind, but he didn't. Instead, he took his time to position it at her entrance, circling her entrance in a teasing way. A labored hiss escaped his lips when he found her hot and ready for him.

"Oh. _Fuck._ " He swore loudly, sinking his teeth into her shoulder in an act of self-restraint. "You're fucking soaked, little one." She loved the nickname. For some reason, it didn't make her feel small or insignificant, but rather protected and cherished.

She hummed her agreement, squeezing her cheeks together around his throbbing cock, hoping to lure him deeper into her core. Dear god, she fucking needed him there. She wanted him to plunge in and take her for all she had. She wanted him to fuck her until her legs turned to jelly. She wanted him to fill her up and make her scream, until his name was the only name she remember.

"I _know._ " She challenged. "So what the _hell_ are you waiting for?"

Eric chuckled, but didn't drive into her like she'd expected him to do. Instead he leaned into her, until his lips were grazing her ear. His rumbling voice sending shivers down her spine.

"I'm going to make love to you. _Then_ I'm going to fuck you. And _then_ I'm going to make love to you again. Understood?"

She didn't have time to respond. Not with his large hand on her stomach, pressing her close. Not with the thumb of his other flicking her painfully taut nipple. Not when his teeth sunk down in her neck, feasting upon the flesh. And especially not when his impossibly swollen member pushed inside of her, stretching her up in the most tantalizing ways.

She was wet. So wet. And yet her cannel didn't accommodate him at first. Perhaps after months and months of celibacy she wasn't accustomed to his size anymore. But he slowly pushed on and her tissue stretched around him until he was all the way inside.

A strangled moan left her lips. Sweet-sweet pain consuming her. She could feel him deep down inside of her, filling her up completely.

"Oh, fuck." He swore, just as awestruck by the feeling. "I'd forgotten how tight you were."

She couldn't take it any longer. She needed more.

" _Move_ , Eric!" She pleaded, stretching her neck so she could kiss him again.

And move he did. So painfully fucking slowly.

He withdrew his shaft but let the head inside before slowly pushing back inside of her. Both of them moaning against each others lips. They were breathing too heavily to really kiss, but their lips were attached to one another nonetheless. Both of them just happy to share each other's air while he pumped inside of her.

The movements of his hands were just as slow and roamed over her body without clear destination, just happy to touch.

"Oh, fuck." Eric swore again and she opened her eyes to find his open already, solely focussed on her face.

She was panting as he continued his trusts, the feeling of it overwhelming her, but she refused to close her eyes again. Instead she hold his piercing ones, amazed by the sudden warmth in them.

His hand came up from her stomach to her shoulder, briefly teasing her nipple in it's wake. He pulled out of her fully then and pushed her shoulder down on the mattress, so she was now laying on her back, gazing up at him. He crawled over her, the taut muscles of his torso flexing as he held himself up on his arms, his hips rolled onto hers. She could feel his succulent head positioning itself at her entrance, teasing her slick folds with shallow thrusts. But he didn't push in. Not quite yet.

His eyes were dark and stormy, full of lust and something else. Was it amazement? Awe? Love? All of them? Keena stared up at his face in wonder. Was it possible to die from love? Her blood was rushing in her ears, her heartbeat drumming against her ribcage. She wanted him so much. She wanted him on her, inside of her, everywhere.

"You're so fucking beautiful, did you know that?" He whispered, surprising her with this seemingly out of nowhere statement. He reached in for a peck on her lips. "So fucking beautiful." He murmured again, against her lips this time.

And then he pushed inside of her again, eliciting a breathy moan from her throat. He set his pace, less slowly this time, yet still nowhere near the speed of 'fucking'. His inquisitive hand smoothed down over her leg until he reached her knee, pulling it up and then pushing it down onto the mattress against her waist. Spreading her open for him to drive in that extra inch.

The moved in unison. Him rolling his hips and pushing inside of her. Her meeting his every thrust. Their mouths were engaged with this endless stream of sweet kisses, gasps and new endearments, telling each other just how much they've missed the other.

Keena meowed and purred beneath him, her hands clawing at his back. At loss at what else to do. She had never experienced anything like this. So intimate. So deep and slow. So needy yet calm.

"Don't ever shut me out again." He bit suddenly, and Keena opened her eyes to find his clammed shut. His breath heavily labored.

"Eric." She prodded, her hands stroking down his back, feeling the taut muscles flex beneath her fingertips with every thrust inside of her.

He was just so goddamn strong. So muscular. So manly. To think about the fumbling 'men' she had slept with in Amity... How thin and puny they were. How measly. They were nothing compared to him. Could never compare.

Eric didn't respond. Instead, he continued his slowly set pace with more forceful strokes. He came so deep. So fucking deep inside of her. And she could't help the load moan from escaping.

He grunted her name, pushing inside with her with more and more force. His eyes still clamped shut. But she didn't want him to. She wanted him to look at her. To see what he was doing with her. To see how much she cared.

"Eric, look at me." Keena ordered, cupping his face and bringing her head up to bump her forehead against his. As if to remind him she was there, right in front of me.

"I can't." Eric growled, his fingers holding her hips in a bruising grip.

"Yes, you can." She encouraged, her obstinance getting lost in her pleasurable gasps as he was pistoling himself inside of her. "Eric. Fucking look at me."

He opened his eyes, his mouth slightly hanging open because of his labored breaths. He was panting same as hers, and she was awestruck by the darkness in his eyes. It was obvious he had been holding herself back for her purposes only. Because he promised to make love to her. And he did.

It was time to fuck now.

"Eric." She moaned. "Take me." She ordered with determination. "Fucking take me like you need to. I'm all yours."

He didn't need to be told twice.

His eyes clouded over with a sinister look in his eyes, his grip on her hips now painfully straining. There would definitely be bruises tomorrow.

Good. She wanted them there. She wanted the evidence of being claimed by Eric once again. She wanted her skin to tell of their reunion. To know – even when he was not around – that she hadn't dreamed it. And she wanted him to have that evidence on his body too.

She clawed at his back when he pushed inside of her with full force, filling her up to the brink over and over again. His pace quickened and his hands got rowdy, desperate to grab onto every part of her. He gripped both of her knees and pushed them down into the mattress on either side of her hips, his huge pulsing cock reaching a point inside of her that had her screaming out in pain.

She tried to muffle the sound by stretching her neck and burying her face inside the pillow, but he snatched it out from underneath her and threw it on the floor.

"If you're going to scream, you're going to fucking scream for anyone to hear." He hissed possessively, quickening his pace even more. It was too much. His rough voice brought her over the edge, drunk with want.

She screamed out his name as her walls collapsed around him, her legs turning into jelly. Her arms clung onto his neck for dear life, her head bobbing up and down as he continued to fuck her through it.

The bed squeaking, creaking and waggling forcefully on impact of his unrelenting thrusts. Eric grabbed the headboard with one of his hands, his other still on her knee, and continued to push into her.

"Yes, that's it." He panted wickedly. "Come all over my cock. Scream my name. Let them know who owns this pussy." She swore, his words made her come a second time, her first orgasm not even fully finished.

"Yes. Yes! _Yes_!" She raved. "Yes, Eric. Yes!"

He flipped her over then, entering her from behind as he pulled her on all fours. The new angle had her scream again and she could hear his raw grunts coming from behind her. She moved her back against him, just desperate for that painful friction. She didn't think she would ever have enough.

"Oh, yes." He breathed too, smacking her ass with force. "Show how much he want this cock." He sped up. "Show me how much you missed this."

His hand came out to her clit, pressing down on it and making her come another time. Again screaming his name. _Always,_ screaming his name.

His stamina was perplexing. One would thing that after so long he would join her in at least one of her first three orgasms, but he didn't. Instead, he flipped her over again and pulled her on his lap. She was straddling him, back further until she was bobbing up and down as he ravished on her tits. Groping them like his life depended on it and sucking her swollen pink nipples inside his mouth.

"Tell me." He ordered, distracting his mouth away from her tits, kissing and biting the skin in her neck instead. "Did you let anyone else ever see you like this? Did you fuck somebody else's dirty little cock when you were horny without me?"

She shook her head, but since his face was buried in the crook of it, she was pretty sure he couldn't tell. Not with her vertical movements taken into account as well.

At once he threw her of of him, making her morn the loss of his cock inside, and maneuvered her down on all fours again. He slapped her arse again, breathing loudly in her ear.

"I asked you a fucking question." He sneered in all his glorious jealousy. "You're a soldier now. And soldiers answer their superiors." Oh yes! New roll-play. "Even the little horny ones such as yourself!"

He moved on top of her. His chest pushing her back down into the mattress. "Well?!" He bellowed, positioning himself at her butthole. Things were about to get rough.

He shoot forward without warning and she cried out loud. Louder than ever before. His large cock claiming her in her rose butt was both painful and a bliss.

" _No._ " She gave her answer at last, as he pistoled himself inside of her slowly. Her breaths came out like whimpers. She was so aroused, her pussy pulsing and clamping on its own. Dripping her waisted juices down her leg.

"No, what?!" He sneered, retracting his penis and shooting it forward with more force.

"No, _sir._ " She breathed as he continued to fuck her arse, his hand coming out to play with her clit. "You were the only one. Ever since I've met you, you've been the only one. There is no one else. You're all I think about when playing with myself."

To say her admission surprised her was an understatement.

He was out of her within the blink of an eye, swirling her around with such force she jolted of the bed. He didn't seem to care, though, and followed her instead, his sweaty body rolling over hers as he cupped her face.

His eyes were still dark with a sinister lust, but there was something else too. Warmth and surprise.

"What?" He asked, cupping her face and shaking his head at her in disbelieve. She could feel his member twitching as it slowly slicked between her folds again.

She grunted with want, moving against him and rubbing her nipples agains his chest.

"Isn't it obvious?" Keena asked. "I tried to hide and fight it but I was yours from the moment I'd met you."

Eric didn't respond. Not with words anyway. Instead he pushed inside her again, the slow and tantalizing pace returning. He grunted her name over and over and over again. She gasped and trembled beneath him. Her finger playing with his hair and caressing the sides of his face in a loving embrace.

His slick sweaty body rolled over her, rubbing them together and squeezing out all remaining air between the. Not even having him inside of her was enough to fill their longing for each other.

"Oh, Keena." He grunted hoarsely against her lips. His hands holding onto her face as well.

They were both trembling and slithering against each other. Their movements feverish, but not frenzied. She could feel herself build up to that ultimate high again and this time it felt like he would come with her.

His shaft was pulsing and twitching. His balls aching with need to release. His large head stroking inside of her – up and and down, up and down – was throbbing with anticipation. The couldn't talk anymore. Only breath. Just breath.

Raved breaths.  
Restless pants.  
Needing whines.

And then she came, looking him straight in the eye and she could see him – so close – just one more push. He penetrated her another two, three, four times as her walls were fluttering around him and then he came himself. She felt him ejaculate, pulsing inside of her and she milked him worth for every drop of his hot sperm. Claiming his seed as her own suddenly seemed the most important thing in the world. His spurts came deep and his eyes never left hers as he whispered her name one last time, before collapsing on top of her, resting his forehead in the crook of her neck.

Yes. They would definitely need some time to catch their breath.

His softening member was still inside of her and Eric didn't seem inclined to do much about it... And frankly, neither did she want him to. She liked it just fine. So, they just laid there in silence. She on the floor and he on top of her, inside of her, while both of them tried to calm their racing hearts.

She let her small and shaky fingers roam over his back lovingly, tracing the outlines of his strongly defined muscles that now laid resting in her embrace. Yes. She liked this just fine. And with a soaring feeling of love in her heart, she kissed his temple.

She would never let him go again.

* * *

 **Okay, so that was it for now. Please make sure to review!** **I get so happy when you guys take the time to do so (compliments, tips, criticism... anything is welcome). It shows you care! Which makes me care about this story too.**

 **Keep safe!**


	49. Chapter 49: Unresolved Anger

**Hello again!**

 **I know I'm going to disappoint a lot of you people with this chapter, but I promise, I promise, I promise: It will all work out in the next chapter. I'm not going to drag this out but I thought it might be interesting to play on Eric's insecurities for a bit, because let's face it: He's socially fucked up too and deserves to have a chapter of insecurities before they are all resolved.**

 **Besides, it's all for the sake of the storyline, so if you hate me now, perhaps you'll thank me later.**

 **Still, I hope you all enjoy anyway.**

 **Lots of love and stay safe!**

* * *

 **EPOV**

"You what?!"

Eric was _not_ happy.

For the past five days, he and Keena had been living in their own little bubble. He would postpone going to work whenever possible, and go home early in the evening, sometimes even late afternoon, just to spend some extra time with her, now they still had the chance and she didn't have a job of her own yet.

It had been pure bliss.

...Behind closed doors that is.

 _Flashback  
_ _Lunchtime, earlier that day_

" _Dude. You're staring again." Zeke's snapping fingers appeared in front of him, rendering him back to earth._

 _They were standing on the balcony in the Mass Hall. Eric was up here because – as a leader – it was his job to patrol social gatherings sometimes. And in all fairness, he enjoyed making the members squirm under his gaze. Zeke was here because he was being himself and Zeke being Zeke generally meant that he didn't give a fuck about anything. This included both the fact that Zeke wasn't even allowed to be up here, as well as the fact that Eric really wasn't in the mood for his friend's constant pestering._

 _But Zeke did as Zeke pleased, giving no fucks and doing it anyway._

 _"What do you care?" Eric snapped, stepping on and hoping to get away from his friend and his ridiculous remarks._

 _Zeke had been right, though. Eric really_ had _been staring at Keena, but he would be damned before he'd ever admit it out loud. Nine out of ten times Zeke was merely trying to push his buttons without really seeing anything. Eric wouldn't admit to anything too quickly. It would bring his friend too much pleasure, and Eric not that much._

" _I'm serious, Eric. You're staring_ a lot. _" Zeke walked after him. "And not in a good way. It's quite scary, really."_

 _Rolling his eyes at his friend's dramatics, Eric took another few steps before coming to a halt. His hands were clasped together behind his back. His shoulders squared and muscles taut. He looked every bit the formidable leader he was. 'Scary' was just part of his repertoire. His eyes found Keena's in the crowd again and this time she looked up at him as well. A brief smile gracing her lips before she quickly turned her attention back on her friends._

" _So, are you two..." Zeke wiggled his eyebrows, before furrowing them quickly after. "You know... I don't even know how to finish that sentence. Are you two 'together'? 'Back together'? 'Just fucking again'?" A pause. "'Open for interplay'?"_

 _Eric turned to glare at his friend, not for the first time wondering why the fuck they were even friends._

" _Ahh, so you're giving me the silent treatment then." Zeke concluded with a grin. "So mysterious. So brooding."_

 _"Can you just stop?!"_

 _"Only if you tell me what's going on between you and Keena."_

 _Eric didn't respond._

 _"Not the one to kiss-and-tell anymore, are you? Have you finally met the woman who succeeded in making an honest man out of you?"_

 _Eric stepped on._

" _Oh, come on, mate!" Zeke prodded, walking along. "I've been shipping you two since the beginning! Throw me a bone here and who knows, I might give some_ spectacular _advise. And when I say spectacular, I mean SPEC-TAC-U-LARE. I'm great at it, mind you. Especially in regards to sex."_

 _Eric directed yet another glare at his friend, wondering when he would get the hint and leave him alone. "Sex advise? What, with your tiny balls? No thanks."_

" _Ahh! So you two do have sex again! Great. Then tell me. What's the problem."_

 _Eric snorted at the sound of that word._ _Problem._ _He shouldn't be having any problems. Finally, the girl of his fucking dreams was in his bed – in his arms – every night again. Finally, she wanted to be together. And yet... Keeping this whole thing a secret was harder than he'd initially thought it would be._ _And they were only five days in..._

 _Sure, Keena was –allegedly– having a hard time as well, but it was different for numerous reasons:  
A. She was the only one that wanted and profited from this entire situation. She was the one deciding this, so she shouldn't be allowed to complain how fucking hard it was not to touch him in public, or even look at him. Like, make up your fucking mind then!  
B. Eric was known for his violent brooding ways and most people stayed clear of him by implication, fearing his wrath, unpredictability or god-knows-what-else. That's the way he wanted it. That's what he had worked to accomplish. This did however mean she didn't have to deal with jealousy issues, like he did with her. Which brought him to point C:  
C. As the newest top-ranked initiate, Keena was getting attention from all sides, everyone wanting to check out the new girl for themselves, and all Eric could do –or rather had to do– was pretend to be okay with that. _

_People coming over to say hi? Fine.  
People trying to befriend her? Sure.  
People trying to vilify her? Whatever, they were just jealous anyway.  
But what he could not possibly ever deal with, was people hitting on her. _

_It had been hell._

 _How was he supposed to pretended not to see it when Natan (some gross 48-year-old dirtbag) was outrightly staring at his girl's chest? How was he supposed to pretend not to notice how Axel (21, just a loser) was developing some crazy obsession for_ his _girl, and suddenly showed up everywhere Keena was, like some creepy stalker?! And how was he supposed to_ fuckingpretend _he did not even_ care _when Victor (29, slimy playboy) was trying to charm his girl into giving him her address for some midnight fun?!_

 _And as if all of that wasn't enough to bother him, her newfound fame also gave way to another rather unfortunate side effect. You see, back when they had been fooling around during initiation, Eric had been able to push and pull her into every dark corner he could find whenever he found her wandering through the compound alone. But now... now she never was alone anymore. There was always someone nearby to pester her for her attention and he couldn't even fucking vouch for her attention because he wasn't supposed to be seen with her in public._

 _So problems? Noooo. Eric didn't have any problems. He had his girl and that should be enough. Nevermind that their entire relationship was a secret. Like a big scandal. Something to be ashamed of. Nevermind he couldn't smack the likes of Natan, Axel and Victor in their faces –hopefully cracking some bones– and deforming them for life._ _It all didn't matter. Because he was the only one that got to hold her in her sleep. He was the one she would show her real-self to. He was the one that got past the fake smiles and got her. All of her._

 _Except for the public part. The part everyone else saw._ _And it fucking hurt like it shouldn't._ _But he wasn't about to tell Zeke that._

" _There is no problem." He grunted to his friend instead._

" _Oh, come on, Eric. I know something is bothering you."_

 _"There really isn't."_

 _"You used to tell me everything –"_

" _I really didn't."_

"– _And these days I don't even get the relationship status."_

" _That's because there is none."_

" _No relationship or no status?" Zeke was fast to retort, hitting the nail on its head._

 _Ah, that's it! That was the reason for their friendship. Zeke could be rather intelligent when he wanted to, he just liked to hide behind his persona of feeble-mindedness... And sometimes that façade was so realistic, it truly slipped Eric's mind that it was all just an act._

" _Both. I think." Eric sighed in surrender, his eyes once again finding the blonde at table 11. She was laughing at something that Jonah boy from Candor said. Whatever it was, Eric was sure it couldn't be that funny. "There's definitely something going on between us, but she wants to settle in at work first, before becoming publicly related to me."_

" _And how do you feel about that?"_

 _Eric turned back to Zeke with averse look on his face. "What am I? A fucking housewife?"_

" _Jesus Christ, Eric. Stop being such a caveman and fucking humor me, will you?!"_

 _Instead, Eric opted to continue his stride along the balcony. Naturally, Zeke followed suit. Albeit this time he did keep his mouth shut, knowing perfectly well how Eric needed to sort his thoughts first, before being able to formulate them into proper sentences. About ten minutes later, it was Eric who broke the silence._

" _It sucks." He relented, his blood beginning to boil as he watched Gale poke Keena in her side. He supposed it was nothing too bad –per se– but ever since he knew she used to sleep in his shirt... He just didn't like the guy. He was just too clingy. Too annoying. Too fucking babyface. "I mean, I understand where she's coming from, but things would be so much more convenient for me if people knew she's mine."_

" _Because they would stay away from her?" Zeke looked troubled._

" _Not like that, Zeke!" Eric rolled his eyes. "Jesus, I'm not a complete jealous fucker. I just don't want men to try and stare at her or feel her up! They wouldn't even think of doing that if they'd know she was with me."_

" _You don't think she will cheat on you, do you?"_

" _No." The response was immediate, surprising even himself with his answer. His eyes were quick to find her in the crowd again, talking amiably with her friends. Gale was still sitting too close for his liking. "I just wish I wouldn't have to watch boys try stupid ass shit with her and be forced to pretend I'm all peachy fine with it."_

" _Oh boy. You've got it bad." Zeke chuckled out loud, patting his friend on the back in what should be a comforting way._ _At the feel of his touch however, Eric whipped his head around, his stance turning to one of pure dominance. The look in his eyes as icy as it was authoritative._

" _Are you stark raving mad?!" Eric hissed, grabbing his friend by the collar before hurling him on the floor. "You know what that would do to my reputation?! If anyone's see y–"_

" _Relax." Zeke grunted, not even offended by Eric's violence. If one wanted to be friends with Eric, one had to have a thick skin. Eric's violent streaks were a common occurrence, but stress usually made them more prominent. Especially for small things like this. "Nobody has seen a thing, alright? And even if they did, they won't suddenly jump to conclusions of you becoming weak, or soft, or whatever it is you think they'll think you've become, just because I've patted you on the shoulder." Zeke got up from his position on the floor and dusted off his pants, a grin on his face. "This is Dauntless, not Erudite, remember? Physical contact isn't actually viewed a sin here."_

 _Eric relaxed and nodded his head, his eyes conveying the apology that wouldn't leave his lips. This entire situation with Keena was putting way too much stress on him... Just two more weeks and he'd be done. Just two more weeks and the truth would come out._

 _With all the trouble he got from it, one would almost believe he was a fucking Candor instead._

 _End of flashback_

But yeah, other than that tiny factor of stress, life had been a bliss.

He and Keena hadn't talk much after that first afternoon, but that was fine. Most of their time was spend attached to one another anyway. You know... catching up with lost time and all that. They would make out like teenagers, fuck like rabbits and sleep like sloths and not always necessarily in that order either.

They still met up at his place too. He had been at her apartment once – for as far one could call her miniature dollhouse an apartment – but he'd been too tall for her tiny bed; his feet sticking out several inches when his head was pressed against the headboard. They had both agreed it would be better to sleep at his place for the time being. At least until she could buy herself a new bed. Or until she allowed him to buy one for her.

Not that he minded their current arrangements. He quite preferred having her in his home. Everything made more sense with her here. The kitchen in use. The space in his kingsized bed more filled. He even liked the look of the dirty dishes for two in his kitchen sink. Everything just seemed so much better in two's.

And she'd agreed with that, or so he thought. Eric had seen their silence on certain issues – like how often they would sleep together – as a sign that they had wanted the same things. That is was some unspoken given that they wouldn't sleep apart, ever again. Period. He had liked that. He liked waking up at night to find her curled into him, wild manes draping over his arm. He liked the way she would wake him in the morning, with her small cold fingers exploring his skin, or her soft lips kissing him softly. Her touch so lovingly. Like heaven. He also liked how she would prepare breakfast while he got ready for work and how the smell of eggs, pancakes or coffee would fill his nostrils as soon as he stepped out of the shower.

He'd loved all of that.  
And he'd thought she did as well.  
But _this_... _this_ made him question all of that.

"I accepted the offer of the Special Forces." Keena repeated slowly, looking at him confused while she cut the mushroom in thin perfect slices. He wondered where she'd learned to do that. Being able to cut so precisely without having to look... But then again, she'd always been good with knives.

"Yes, I fucking heard you the first time!" Eric snapped, his blood boiling. "I just can't believe you would do something like that without consulting me _first_!"

"Why the hell should I?!" Keena asked, her own anger rising. "Jesus, Eric. I'm not twelve! I thought you'd be... I don't know. _Happy_. That I have an honorable job instead of being a lousy waitress somewhere." She roughly dumped the load of mushroom slices in the pan on the stove.

"Well I'm _not_!" Eric sneered. "I'd prefer you working at the fucking Fence over this!"

"Yes! _Clearly._ " She retorted icily, her eyes cold and detached. "Don't worry, you've made that _quite_ obvious _._ " She reached for a bell pepper. Seemingly pouring all of her anger into chopping the poor thing.

Eric hated it.

He hated the feeling he got in his stomach of seeing her like this. That feeling of anguish. Agony. Guilt. Especially since she'd been so happy only minutes prior. She'd been so proud telling... and then his reaction had ruined it. He'd done this. He'd caused her mood to change from something cheerful in sad and the feeling left a bitter taste in his mouth.

He never used to care when his words soured someone's mood. Not with her, not with anyone. He liked pushing peoples buttons, including those of Keena, but where it was fun to watch other people get angry or upset, he didn't like it all that much on her. Not anymore.

He didn't want to be the person who caused her pain. He wanted to be the person who _saved_ her from it, whether she asked him to or not. But that was the problem here. She hadn't asked him anything. She had fucking accepted the offer of the Special Forces, without ever even consulting him. Not that she _had to –_ she was allowed to make her own choices, after all – but he just wished she had.

Because her decision affected him as well.

Working for the Special Forces really was quite the honorable job. She'd been right on that part. Only the very best got an invitation for an intake – never mind getting an actual offer on the table. Quite like the leadership positions, he supposed. But unlike the leadership positions, the Special Forces came with a lot of danger, for the sake of intel, but little authority. When leaders decided they wanted something shady done, that's where the Special Forces came into play.

There was no fame to be earned there, or applause to be had. No one outside of the Special Forces team itself and the Leadership Board were allowed in on it. Missions were kept secret. Intel heavily guarded. It was a way around the system. A way to play with the laws, without really breaking them. Something that had to be kept quiet at all costs. One wrong word, and you were gone. Usually dead.

So basically, a lot of action and a lot of thrill, but little gratification in the end.

Starting out there as a rookie was even worse. Eric could only imagine all the dirty jobs they would assign Keena to do. Jobs that nobody else wanted. She would have to spend a lot of time out of the compound, on missions in the city, either as a spy in other factions or gaining intel over the factionless. She could be gone for days and sometimes even weeks on end.

He knew it was selfish, but he hated the idea of her being away a lot. He didn't want to smother her, and he was proud for all she had accomplished, but at the same time he just wanted her here – with him – in his apartment. Spending their nights safely in each other's arms.

The past five nights were the most reassuring nights of his life. His mind had never been more at ease, more at rest. But now nights spend without her would become a whole new factor of stress for him. A time to worry about her safety. Safety he couldn't guarantee. Because she would be doing all sorts of dangerous shit out of his sight. Out of his reach. This job wasn't some training camp or initiation where he could cut in when necessary. This job would be her life. And she would be putting herself in danger for every single day of it.

So, no. He wasn't happy with this. Not one bit. But he also wasn't happy with her being mad at him.

"Keena." He rumbled in that particularly low voice he knew made her resentment fade. She stubbornly chopped on, making a point of not looking at him as he stepped closer. When he reached her, gently caressing her shoulders with both hands, she snapped and turn around. Knife pointing at his chest.

"I was ranked _fucking_ _first_ , Eric!" She hissed. Her voice was detached, icy, daunting. But he didn't step back. He wasn't afraid of her. Not even when she pressed the tip of her knife more prominent into his torso. "And you _still_ see me as some weak little thing that can't make decisions for herself!"

Her voice dropped. As did her knife. A look of utter defeat on her face, saddening all of her features.

Is that what she thought? That he thought she wasn't strong enough to do it? Not smart enough to make it? God, who did she think he was? After all they'd been through and this is what she thought of him?!

She was so wrong it was almost ridiculous.  
Almost.  
But not enough to laugh about it.

He wished she was right. _God,_ how he wished she was right. He fucking _wished_ he didn't have faith in her. At least then he could still have hope she would get sacked or quit when things got too hard... But that wasn't the problem here. She had no idea. He was _fucking_ _sure_ she would succeed in her job, and that frightened him more than the possibility of her failure ever could. Because the better she would be at her job, the more she would be called away, the more dangerous the jobs became, and the more she'd get sucked into it. Once she would prove herself useful, there was no way out. And she would be called away _all the fucking time_.

That's what you signed up for by the Special Forces. And no one ever complained, because the dauntless who got asked to join were usually work addicts, without social lives anyway – or rookies like Keena, who still had to build their network of friends and colleagues. Besides, if there ever had been someone _with_ a social life before joining, that person surely would've lost it within a year of working there. No one was allowed to know anything, so if they wanted to talk about their troubles or how they spend their days, they were relied upon their close-knitted group of colleagues.

For people working at Special Forces, the team was their family.  
For outsiders looking in, they were like a cult.

 _Goddamnit! How could she do this_? How could she choose for a life so far away from the compound? Away from her friends? Away from him?! Had he even known an offer had been on the table to begin with, he would've made damn sure it hadn't been there anymore once she'd come back with an answer.

 _Fuck._

How was he supposed to be with her _,_ when she was spending half of her life at the other side of the bloody city?! How was he to hold her, comfort her and protect her when she wasn't even around?! How could she expect him to be okay with that?! How could she make that decision for the both of them? Without ever even _consulting_ him?! The least she could've done was ask him about it. The least she could've done was check his opinion on the matter beforehand.

His anger was boiling again, and he could feel the features in his face change to a nasty sneer.

"You know what?! Do it." He snarled, daring her. "I don't care. Go and spend your fucking life out of the compound. That's what you fucking want, right? Well, have it your way. Do it. I hope it _fucking_ _pleases_ you! But don't expect me to open my fucking door for you when you finally do decide to show up at my doorstep."

Her face changed from one of defeat, to shock, to hopelessness, but he didn't care. She was keeping them a fucking secret now, and in three days time, she would spend so little of her her time in the compound at all, it would hardly matter who knew or didn't knew about them anyway.

She might want him for sex, or use him as a pillow at night, but she _still_ wasn't ready to commit. Not truly. He should've known. He should've resisted even trying it when she'd acknowledged wanting them to remain a dirty little secret for a little time longer.

He could't do this.  
Not anymore.

"I'm going out, and once I come back. I expect you gone."

He didn't wait for her response. Or at least, he didn't listening to any of the pleas she was yelling at him. Instead, he grabbed his jacket and stormed out the door. Slamming the door shut in her face on his way out.

* * *

KPOV

She tried to keep up with him, she really did, but he had stormed off with such determination. His long legs carrying him with steps that easily took two of her own. By the time she'd turned off the stove and opened the door, he'd already been rounding the corner at the end of the hallway.

She also had to be mindful of who saw her chasing him. One look upon her frantic face and desperate pleas and people were sure to figure things out. They were two lovers in a fight, and clearly looked the part. Or at least _she_ did. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her movements frantic and for once, she didn't stop her face from showing. Although in all honesty, people finding out was the least of her worries right now.

God, she felt so stupid.

She had promised herself to be there for him. To try and understand him more clearly. His anger. The way he thought. All of it. And yet she'd made assumptions. Assumptions that had gotten her angry and clouded her mind. Her vision. Her judgement.

She shouldn't have gotten angry at him. Instead, she should've listened to what he had been trying to communicate. _That's_ what she had promised to do. She should've tried harder to understand him. She should've kept her calm. She knew she should've... but it was just so damn hard not to be mad when he was mad at her too.

His anger was like electricity. It numbed all of her other senses, and she had the choice to either roast, crash and burn or to conduct it, firing it right back at him. It was a lousy excuse, she knew, but his anger was just so... so...

Keena stopped dead in her tracks as realization hit her. She had been looking at this the wrong way. She had been mystified because his mind worked so different from hers. And yet they were so comparable. It was so obvious now!

Under normal, neutral circumstances, they would both present themselves as calm and silent people, but where she would be warm and smiley, Eric would be chilly and gruff. They were polar opposites like that, and yet, somehow, they still ticked the same way.

" _I just can't believe you would do something like that without consulting me first!"  
"I'd prefer you working at the fucking Fence over this!"  
"Go and spend your life out of the compound. That's what you fucking want, right?!"_

His words came rushing back to her, making more and more sense the longer she thought about it. He had thought she'd taken a job outside of the compound. He'd thought she had been leaving him. After everything they'd been through...

He wasn't angry, he was hurting.

And she had mistakenly taken his anger for what it appeared to be, because of her own habits. Her own anger was preserved for her anger alone, but his... his was a front.

His anger was his decoy.  
Jus like frostiness was hers.

 _They were polar opposites, that somehow still ticked the same way._

When she was hurting, she closed herself off. Emotionally distant. Detached. Unreachable. Kill. It was only logical he would become the contrary under those same circumstances.

His fire was her ice.  
His oncoming, her back-off.

His anger served to protect him from the pain. Just like her icy personality would protect her.

Where she shut down, he'd wind up.  
Where she grew breezy, he grew stormy.  
And where she froze over, he'd lit up.

It was all so-so obvious now, she almost felt stupid for not realizing it sooner.

He was _hurting._ And all because of a stupid misunderstanding and because she hadn't been able to read his emotions sooner. All because she had failed to be there for him like she'd wanted to. Too damn bothered by his ruffling of her feathers. Too damn stubborn for her own good. Too damn proud to let his not-quite-anger slide.

" _And you still see me as some weak little thing that can't make decisions for herself!"_

Oh, _God._

She wished she could take back those words. They hadn't been fair to him. Not after all the kindness he'd shown her these past couple of days. Not after he finally started trusting her enough to let his softer sides shine trough.

Oh, _fuck._

Whatever walls had been crumbling down underneath her fingertips, would surely be put back up by now. God she felt guilty. And stupid. Keena had always found herself intelligent and perceptive. She'd always prided herself on her own fucking mind, but apparently she'd been too proud. Too arrogant. Too damn confident.

She had been blind to him. She'd fallen for all his decoys and got pulled along into in his rage. She shouldn't have. She should've said things differently. She should've insisted he heard her out. She should've told him exactly what her job entailed. That she wasn't leaving him – not even for a little bit.

 _She should've, she should've, she should've_...

But the reality of things was that she'd lost him - lost him in this maze of a compound. _God._ Where would a socially inept Dauntless-man go, when angered and hurt by a woman he loved? A bar or fighting ring, obviously. But which one?

Keena sighed. This could prove a long night. But she wouldn't give up. Not until she'd found him. Not until this argument was resolved.

* * *

EPOV

Eric was downing his – Ninth? Twelfth? Twentieth? – glass of whiskey when he heard the bar crowd get rowdy. There was whistling and cat calls were being made. Things like blondie, sweet-pie and sugar. It didn't take a genius to guess who it was.

She'd found him. At last.

Too bad he didn't feel like talking.

Besides, she couldn't _possibly_ talk to him here, surrounded by all these people. _Imagine_ the disaster of people finding out about them! Not that there was anything to find out anymore. Eric chuckled bitterly into his empty glass. He needed another fill.

And then perhaps another one.  
And another one.  
And another one.

You get the picture.

As if on cue, his stomach rumbled again. After storming out of his apartment, skipping dinner, he had tried to fill his stomach with alcohol instead, but even now – three hours, and god knows how many drinks later – it still hadn't quite done the job.

Yeah, he would need another couple of refills.

He needed enough of them to enable him stepping into the ring and _lose_ a fight... But it was crucial he was absolutely hammered for it. Losing a fight sober was not an option. Not without losing all of that respect and credibility his reputation was based upon. But if he were to lose when he was out of his mind drunk... now _that_ would be redeemable – understandable even – and god help him, but he really needed someone to finish him off good. To a _pulp_ , if they'd please. He really fucking needed someone to make his outside look the way he felt on the inside. And _men_ , did he feel like a no-win at the moment.

"Eric?" Keena's trembling voice came from somewhere over his right shoulder. She sounded scared, as she ought. This wasn't a place for someone like her. She didn't like to be watched? Well too bad. Here she was sure to get _everyone's_ attention. With her cute apple cheeks and soft shiny hair, he stood out like a sore thumb. Disgusting.

Or at least it should've been.  
Instead, it just made him nostalgic.

Nostalgic to nights where he would just kiss those cheeks and stroke that hair. Nostalgic to nights where he would murmur against that skin, and smooth those locks behind her ear. Nostalgic to nights that weren't spend in this shady bar, full of men staring at his girl, but naked in bed instead, where only he could see her. Touch her. Have her.

But now he had to share. He had to share his woman that wasn't even his. That didn't want to be his. So now these vultures at this bar where just waiting for an opportunity, to take a bite themselves.

 _Why the fuck was she here?!_

This bar was avoided by pretty much anyone with an speck of softness in them. Anyone with a heart would stay clear of this god forsaken shit hole. There were no other women here to take the attention away from her. This place was filled with scum. Men who wanted to be alone, or at the very least avoid female company. Men that wanted to drink in misery and perhaps have a fight if the opportunity presented itself (opportunities they would usually create themselves). This was not the type of bar guys went to for hunts. And somehow that's what made Keena's presence here all the more dangerous.

The men in here were drunk, _angry_ and often lonely. They secluded themselves from 'polite society' because they could already imagine the damage they would cause _before_ they had even taken a sip of alcohol. Having a girl looking as pure as Keena in front of them was sure to set them off. They would want a piece of her innocence, to even out their sins. They would want a piece of her kindness, to fill that hole of misery. They would want that womanly touch, just to forget about that loneliness. And most of all, they would _take_ her piece of heaven, just because they could.

At least while she was with him, she'd be safe. He couldn't ignore her. Not in this bar.

"Eric?" She tried again and her small hand connected with his bicep, pulling at his sleeve slightly. "Eric can we talk?"

He shrugged her off violently, and the bartender started to chuckle as Keena stumbled back. Eric sneered at him in return.

"What the fuck are you looking at?!" He barked at him. "You've already got a miserable puny job. The least you can do is succeed in it." Eric was trying to sound authoritative, but his slurring made've altered the end result a bit – God, he was sloshed. Either way, it seemed to have the desirable effect and the barman quickly busied himself with refilling his glass. Yet _again._

Deciding he could no longer ignore the girl behind him, he turned around to face her.

"What do you want, _Amity?"_ He snarled meanly, fully aware of the people listening in on them.

"I'm _Dauntless_ now." She backfired and he couldn't help the twitch of his lip. It was brief, and barely there, but there nonetheless. He wanted to blame it on the alcohol, he really did, but if she dared telling him off in a place like this, he couldn't help but be impressed. Plus, she'd sounded so fucking proud about it, it was almost cute.

The onlookers thought so as well and started to call out things to her along the lines of 'yeah, you are. You can be it over here', while pointing at their cocks. Keena looked as embarrassed as Eric felt angry. His blood was boiling and his knuckles white as they clamped around his whiskey glass with barely contained fury. He silenced the men with one of those sinister glares he was known for. Telling them there would be hell to pay if they didn't behave themselves in the way he wanted them to. They all listened, and Eric basked in that power.

 _This_ was the reason he liked being feared. You could have all the good opinions in the world, but it would be worthless the moment when you needed them to listen. Authority was not about being liked, it was about things getting done. Efficiently. Quickly. And with respect.

"Call it a force of habit, sweetie." Eric smirked, without looking at her, his eyes still busy shooting daggers at all the imbeciles currently looking her way. He wanted to kick them. He wanted to kick them all and then some more. Especially the ones gory enough to bluntly stare at her arse.

Not that he could really blame them. It _did_ look exquisite in these jeans. Well, as long as they wouldn't try to touch it, he could live with it, he supposed.

"Alright. What do you want, _soldier_?" He relented as his eyes finally landed on her. There appeared a blush on her cheeks at the mention of the nickname. He pretended not to notice. When she didn't reply immediately, her gaze insecurely sweeping over the people in the bar instead, Eric decided to push her.

"Is something coming out of that pretty little mouth of yours, or can you leave me to it, you think? I'm rather busy here, you see..." He took a swig from his drink for good measure.

"Yes. I... I wanted to talk to you. About my _job._ You see, I've been offered this position –"

"And where do you get the impression I give a rat's ass about your offers?" His voice was frigid and aloof, warning her not to push her luck. He might care for her, but if she would try to make a fool out of him here – destroying his reputation in the process – she'd have another thing coming.

"Well, I..." She discretely glanced around. "I don't get any impression _._ I just wanted –"

"What you want means nothing to me."

He saw her swallow nervously, her eyes filling up with indignation at his words before the anger slipped away again. She was determined not to make a scene. Not in here. Not that he cared what she did or didn't want. All he wanted was to be left alone right now, and yet here she was, taking a breath and mustering up the courage to continue.

"Can we talk outside for a minute?" She asked bravely, surprising both Eric, as well as some bystanders who were pretending not to listen in, with her ballsy question. Keena seemed to realize how odd this must've looked as well and hurried to explain. Loud enough for others to hear. "I mean – that is – if you can spare the minute, I could really use your help. You're the only person I know who has also ranked first, so –"

"I _didn't_ rank first." Eric retorted gruffly, lifting an eyebrow in challenge. He was carefully noting her reaction. The look of surprise on her face was laughable, if not somewhat troublesome. He'd never been ashamed of it – ranking second instead of first – and yet admitting it to her felt like a shortcoming on his part. Like he wasn't able to deliver what she'd longed from him.

Keena looked confused. "But I thought... You're a _leader._ I thought only the best –"

Well ouch.

" _Sweetheart._ " He emphasized, using the term in the same very condescending way as he'd used the term sweetie earlier on. "You don't have to be ranked _first_ to be the _best._ Fucking Four ranked first in my year, and see where that has brought him. Little fears, but if you don't know how to handle them, you're screwed anyway."

The ambiguity of his words wasn't lost on either of them.

"So, you _are_ the best." Keena stated calmly, smiling up at him. "And that's why I want to talk to _you._ "

"In retrospect. Four _is_ the best." Eric sneered. A man to his left barked out a chuckle and when Eric didn't respond to him, others joined him softly. "Go ask him you lousy questions about jobs and the like if you please, but don't bother me with them."

But Keena didn't listen. Of course she didn't. She wouldn't take an order when it was shoved down her throat... Except for maybe...

"You see, the Special Forces –"

"Are not. To be. Discussed." Eric hissed threateningly through his teeth. Couldn't she tell, he didn't feel like talking about it right now? Not when he was drunk. Not when they were surrounded by fifteen other people. And certainly not when she had already taken the position anyway. She was pushing it now. On the very edge of overstepping. His last bit of restraint about to snap.

" _That's_ why I want to talk to you _in_ _private!_ " Keena exclaimed with a certain degree of exhaustion lacing her words.

"Well, _I don't care_." Eric snapped, smirking wickedly as he raised his glass to his lips. "I'm busy." With those last parting words he wanted to turn back around but her next words stopped him death in his tracks.

"You're _drinking_!" She all but accused.

Oh no. She didn't.

The onlookers were holding their breaths, expecting the onslaught that was sure to come. Keena seemed to realize her mistake as well, stiffening as he spun back around.

Within the blink of an eye, he'd grabbed her forcefully by the throat and hurled her out of the bar. She was gasping and struggling for air in his hold, and wicked sense of him was enjoying it. He enjoyed seeing her as desperate as he felt on the inside. Let it teach her what she did to him every fucking day. And yet... another - perhaps even bigger - part of him felt sick and was begging him to stop.

But this wasn't his fault.  
She should've fucking left him alone.  
She should've fucking obeyed him in public.

"I'm too goddamn drunk to fight a _little_ _girl_ and _not_ _murder_ her in the process as well!" He barked in her face. "So take this as your only warning and leave, before I do kill you. Because honest to god, I _fucking_ _will_!" He roughly threw her onto the stone floor then, watching her gasp for air for the tiniest of seconds – just to make sure she was okay – before turning around and heading back inside.

He heard the bouncer talk to her. Something along the lines of "C'mon, you've heard the boss. Get lost." as Eric pushed his way through the crowd, trying to make his way back to his drink.

He was met with appreciative glances from the onlookers. Some of them were simply happy he didn't murder a tiny little nobody girl that had literally _just_ gotten into Dauntless, but most of them – miserable and sexist as they were – were just glad he'd thrown the girl out, restoring the balance of this all-male bar.

No girls equaled no drama. No whining. No headaches. No worries.

Or so they tried to kid themselves. Because the reality of things was, that these smelly bulky men were far from appealing company either. It was a miserable existence of mixed alcohol, sweat and blood. If you got lucky, a few loose teeth, cracked bones and a broken nose as well.

Eric pitied the men that frequented this bar.

He had never cared much for this place. Usually when he felt down he would head to the Basement, just to beat some losers to a pulp. But this time he'd wanted to be beaten. He had wanted to lose tonight. And he had stupidly hoped _she_ would never find him here, as he drank himself into a near-coma, before his onslaught began.

But she _had_ found him... and dug her own grave.

She would never forgive him now.

He had refused to take the bait; her challenge; her defiance. For Dauntless it was without a doubt the worst possible insult one could get. It was a matter of honor, you see. When provoked, dared or taunted in public, there were only two options. The first – and most commonly used – was to fight. One would take the bait and a fight for honor would partake until one of the two couldn't continue any longer. The second option was for the person being provoked to let it slide and pass it off as some funny inconvenience to their day.

This only happened in two instances: 1. When the provoked was too much of a deadbeat that already knew he was going to lose anyway, and didn't want to put in the effort. In this case refusing was an act of cowardice. Or 2. When the provoked had _so_ much more status, authority and/or respect, that he couldn't even be bothered with the effort of fighting the provoker, because in the eyes of the provoked, he was just a measly spineless, meek nobody, that didn't matter at all. Nothing the provoker could say would make provoked care enough, because he had no respect for him. It would be like an ant trying to fight a grizzly bear. The bear just didn't even notice.

Eric definitely had enough authority, status _and_ respect to fall into the second category. So he had humiliated her. In public. He knew it. This bar knew it. And he hoped she did too.

But even if she hadn't understood just how loaded his denial of fighting her had been, in any case, she hadn't liked his words. He knew that much. Like a true Dauntless, she always preferred to fight and lose over not even trying at all. If it had been up to her, he would've beaten her into the hospital.

But it hadn't been up to her. She wasn't the only one with a reputation at stake. To save his own reputation it was either _this_ or fighting her, and honestly, the thought of really truly fighting her made his stomach turn.

His words had been a lie. Physically speaking he could easily fight her without killing her. He had fought many times with at least the same amount of alcohol in his blood, but he didn't think he could bare the image of it – his fist drawing blood from her face until it was swollen and purple.

Yeah, hell no.

He was mad at her – _so_ _furious –_ but he still cared about her. At least enough to not want to beat her into a puddle of blood and bones.

He couldn't fight her.  
He just couldn't.

Sure, he'd fought her many times before, but she'd been just an initiate. Regardless of what she might think or want to believe, he hadn't actually done his best work on her (or worst, depending how one looked at it). These people inside this bar would surely notice when he was holding back. If he fought her now, he would have to really fight. And that was something he just couldn't stomach. Couldn't bare.

So, instead, he'd taken the easy way out. Her reputation might take a hit, but it had been worth it. For outsiders, he'd still been typical mean Eric, just the way they knew him to be, rejecting to fight someone he didn't care about. Nothing seemed amiss. He had saved his reputation without having to make her bleed. At least in the more literal sense of the word.

It was her own fault really. She shouldn't have come here, insisting to talk - and for what?! And then she also tried to make a fool out of him by putting on her big mouth? Jesus Christ... Perhaps he _should've_ strangled her. She definitely deserved it. If any other person had done what she'd just done, they would be lying in the fucking hospital right now.

Eric finally reached his seat at the bar, finding his glass extra full. It appeared the barman knew how to do his job after all. Gulping it down in one swallow, Eric looked up to find said barman already watching him with an odd glint in his eyes. Lifting his brow, Eric held his gaze arrogantly, challenging him while pointing his finger at his now-empty-again glass. The bartender quickly obeyed. Like he ought.

Watching how the amber liquid flowed into the crystal glass, Jeanine's words suddenly popped into his mind, playing on his insecurities at the worst of times.

 _To care is to suffer._

Those words had haunted him when he'd first started to care about Keena all those months ago. One would think he would be over them by now... and yet, here they were again. Haunting him. Taunting him. Mocking him.

Perhaps Jeanine had been right all along. Perhaps nothing good ever lasted when emotions were involved. His relationship with Keen wouldn't have either. Whether they'd break things off now, or he would drag it out another year (of which most of her time would be spend outside of the faction anyway), it hardly mattered. Best to get it over with as soon as possible.

Two big gulps and his glass was empty again. And soon another few had followed. All he cared about was getting wasted, so he could hopefully drown his sorrows along with his sobriety.

"You know she fancies you, right?" The bartender spoke as he refilled his glass yet again. It must've been what? His seventh or eight glass after he'd thrown Keena out? And that had been barely ten minutes ago. "The pretty blonde that was just here."

"Yeah, well." Eric snorted, looking at him rather unimpressed. "She can get in line."

Honestly, this nosy bartender couldn't be much further from the truth. If Keena fancied him, she wouldn't have chosen a job that would take her as far away from him as possible. If she fancied him, she wouldn't want him to be her fucking secret. If she fancied him, she wouldn't have... she wouldn't have... She _would_ have fucking consulted him, seeing how her decisions would affect him too. That's what normal people did when they wanted to share a future together. But clearly _she didn't_!

"Hmm." The man mused. "Or perhaps she can skip the line."

Eric's eyes narrowed down at him, watching the tall man from over the rim of his glass.

"What the fuck are you insinuating?!" Eric hissed, when the barmen held his stare and casually leaned back against the counter behind him – the one with all the alcohol on display. "I don't care if you've got nothing better to do with your life. You keep your nose out of mine."

The bartender swallowed, but other than that kept his cool and held his gaze. His brown eyes were watching Eric with the same amount of intrigue as Eric currently bestowed on him. There was a certain perceptiveness in this man's eyes Eric didn't particularly appreciate, and yet he felt a grain of respect. This man – whatever his name was – was smart, tall, reasonably strong – albeit nothing extreme – and seemed to have enough guts to hold the faction's most fear leader in a staring contest. This was a man that could've easily had a much – _much_ – more important and exciting job and yet, here he was... Bartending.

What a waist.

"This was my father's bar." The man spoke, as if privy to his thoughts. "My mother died when I was ten and from there on, my entire youth was pretty much spend in this shit-hole of a bar."

"Be quiet!" Eric interrupted with a sneer. He was here to drown his depressing thoughts, not to hear those of another. "You're giving me a headache with your boring story."

The barman merely raised his hands in the air, as if he was being the innocent party here. Yeah right. This man knew exactly what he was doing. As did Eric.

"All I'm trying to say is that I've seen my fair share of tough men." The lanky man shrugged, picking up a random glass from the counter. "And no matter how tough they all pretend to be, we all need someone."

He started to dry the glass with a kitchen towel, which on its own was a ridiculous occurrence already. Eric had been in many bars before, and never had he seen the bar personnel dry glasses. No, He concluded. This man was just busying himself with useless shit to do, just to _look_ busy while he talked to him. Perhaps he figured it would look less creepy that way, bringing down his guard, or perhaps he really had nothing better to do with his life.

Whatever it was, Eric was in no mood.

He stood up abruptly, the barstool scraping over the floor with a loud high pitched noise, and was behind the bar within seconds. The second throat of tonight gasping for air. A sinister grin graced Eric's lips. It was oddly comforting that someone so ballsy two seconds ago, could be so frightful only moments later. All because of him.

"What what that?!" Eric hissed, his face close to the now wide eyed man. The bar between them had given this man a false sense of security. Well, he wouldn't make that mistake again any time soon. "Did you just call me a pretender?" Eric asked, tightening his hold on his throat. "Do I look like a damn _fake_ to you?! Am I a _fucking joke_?!"

The man struggled against the hold on his throat, desperate to shake his head 'no', but Eric wouldn't let him move in his grip. His fingers dug deeper and he watched the air escape the gasping mouth. There was no way this man would be stupid enough to fight him. Not if he didn't wanted the entire bar to break out in fights as well. This bartender would end unconscious _and_ have his bar trashed. Bottles of alcohol stolen too.

This was a _coward._ This was a man who didn't take the bait because he would lose and couldn't be bothered with the trouble. Too bad he only took a warning when it was shoved down his throat.

When the man was about to lose consciousness, Eric let go of him, letting him fall on the floor with a loud thud. The predator loomed over the prey. Squared shoulders. Severe stare. And the once-so-brave bartender was now shaking in fear, hands touching his neck to somehow reassure himself it was still there.

"My drinks are on you, bar-boy." Eric ordered, raising his glass and chugging it back for good measure.

Releasing a loud hiss at the burning sensation of alcohol in his throat, Eric threw his glass against the cabinet - right next to the lanky's man head - where it broke into a thousand pieces, splashing multiple cuts in this man's face.

Without another word, but with some loud, drunk chuckling, Eric left the bar.

It would be a long night yet.  
All alone in his kingsized bed.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!  
Reviews are always appreciated**


	50. Chapter 50: Someone To Call His Own

**Hi.**

 **Hello, there.  
** **You here again too, hm?  
Yeah... I feel ya.  
**

 **Being locked inside is a bore, but hey! At least this means I've got time to write :)**

 **I will do my absolute best to bring back som lightheaded humor in the next few chapters, because I don't want this story to become too heavy (I don't know if you guys feel like it is right now, but just in case). So, yeah. Something to look forward to, I hope.** **But for now, yet just another semi-intense update, about our favorite couple working things out.**

 _[[[Also, Eric is "drunk" in this chapter but like in previous chapters, it doesn't really show through that much. I somehow feel like he's not the type of man to really stumble and slur and be silly with alcohol in his system. To me the only way he shows his inebriated state is through his logic... I suppose? If that makes any sense? Like he acts a tat more petulant, indecisive and/or aggressive when he's drunk, but otherwise, he's more or less the same. If you guys feel like something is missing BIG TIME, or you feel like he should be more obviously drunk, I could always come back and change things a bit around, but for me this not-clumsy Eric makes just way more sense. But yeah. Let me know what you guys think if it bothers you (or when it doesn't).]]]_

 **Anyway, on with the story.**

 **Lots of love and keep safe!**

* * *

 **EPOV**

It had taken Eric a 'slight' detour of multiple hours and via multiple other bars – of which one the Basement – before he effectively made his way home, but when he eventually did, he was baffled at his findings.

In fact, he was so stunned by the sight of finding Keena's sleeping form in his bed, Eric was sure somebody had spiked his drink somewhere along the way. Either that, or one of those arseholes in the Basement had hit him harder on the head than he'd initially imagined.

His mind must be playing tricks on him. Why would she come back here after what happened tonight?

He wanted to be angry with her – he did – because he was angry, and she should know it. And yet, finding her here in his bed, was heaven sent. All of his remaining fury resolved into thin air and there was this aching in his chest – so loud, so wild – he was sure he would die. He wanted to scream with... with... _something._ Not rage –especially not rage– not right now, but something equally consuming.

Perhaps it was relief.

She was wearing one of his sweaters, the hoodie pulled, covering all of that beautiful hair he so loved seeing draped over one of his cushions. She had been crying. Even in his inebriated state he could make that out from the puffiness of her eyes and the barely dried cheeks. They were shimmering softly in the yellowish hue of his bedroom light.

"Eric?" Keena blinked with her eyes, struggling to get them open.

He had no idea how long he'd been standing there, just staring at here, but her sudden movements felt like such a significant alteration – intrusion even – that Eric was pretty sure it had been a while.

"Eric, is that you? Are you alright?"

He didn't respond. He just didn't know what to say.

Was he alright? Was he alright after finding out his girl wanted to spend her fucking life away from him, at the other side of the city? Was he alright after having spend several hours hours of drinking to forget about her? Was he alright after having fought five, six, seven fights in the hope his physical pain would numb his emotional one? Was he alright after what had felt like a lifetime of thinking they were over, only to find her in his bed now?

When his silence dragged on, she sat more upright, forcing her eyes open all the way. They widened as she took in his torn up and bloodied state, and quickly got out of bed, walking over to him for a thorough assessment of his battle wounds, no doubt.

He tried to ban her bare legs from his mind.

"Oh, Eric. What did you do?" She murmured, more to herself than to him as she flipped on some extra lights in the room.

He knew he was looking like he'd just come out of a cockfight, because he was, in a way. Although, roosters had more balls than the pumped-up slackers he'd just fought down in the Basement. And regardless of his efforts to accomplish otherwise, he hadn't even lost either. What a joke. Alas, at least he'd finally looked the part of how he felt on the inside, but seeing her scrutinize him with those big worried eyes suddenly made it feel a whole lot less of an accomplishment.

He didn't want her to worry.

That was his job.

He jumped at the contact of her cold fingers on his skin and tried to shrug her off, remembering he was still angry with her. She didn't listen. She never did. And neither did he really want her to. So eventually he just gave up trying and let her tend to his wounds.

Her soft fingers intertwined with his, and she let him over to the sit at the edge of his bed, supporting him as his drunk ass tripped awkwardly over his own feet, the alcohol apparently only now giving the desired affect. _Great._ He watched as she disappeared and reappeared from the bathroom, retrieving this or that she supposedly found necessary to use on his wasted skin. It didn't matter. There would always be a new cut. A new wound. A new scar. But he didn't tell her that. Instead, he just watched her collect random stuff.

"Take of your shirt." She ordered softly, a whisper in the dark. Enthralled by the sound of it, Eric did as he was told.

She worked in silence for the rest of it, and watched in equal stillness. The only sound that escaped him was a hiss of when she disinfected a particularly nasty cut on his upper am. One of his fights had been with knifes. The other guy would have to spend some more nights in the infirmary.

Eric's gaze altered between her frowning face and efficient hands, wondering what he'd done to deserve her soothing touch, her worry, her care, even now. Failing to come up with a proper answer, Eric concluded he simply didn't. He didn't deserve this, and yet she did it anyway. Like the spineless Amity or push-over Abnegation he'd once thought her to be. Sometimes still did.

He was about to tell her off. Tell her that he wasn't her charity case, that he didn't like to be smothered and cared for and that he didn't want her empathy. But for some reason the words didn't come out. Because for some reason, they weren't true. They were for any other. But not for her.

He wanted to lean into it. Bask it in.  
He wanted her small tentative hands all over him, cleaning and soothing his wounds.

He liked her touch. Her concern. Her care.

That is to say... he _had_ liked it, when he'd thought she actually _cared._ Before he knew she was taking a piss at him. She didn't care. She was _leaving him._

His bile started rise again. His blood boiling just beneath the surface, right underneath her touch. But just when his anger threatened to take over, Keena's hoodie fell off, exposing her beautiful blonde curls and delicate creamy neck. Or at least, that's the color it should've been.

Eric had already been silent, but if he hadn't, he was sure he would've been stunned to silence anyway. His gaze trailed the red outlines of his handprint on her neck, her throat, all the way round.

Had he really been that rough? He could hardly remember. All he remembered was being so-so angry, and so-so relieved he hadn't been forced to fight her. For fuck's sake! Had he really done _that_?! How was that any better than fighting?!

Keena was busy cleaning some shallow wound on his upper arm and didn't notice his stare. So when Eric lifted his hand to trail a single finger over the outlines of her bruising neck, it was Keena's turn to jump away from his unexpected touch.

"Did I do this?" It was a futile question. He knew he did. Her eyes told him too.

"It doesn't matter–"

"How can you say that!" He snapt, angry again. But this time his anger was directed at himself and himself alone. Eric shot away from her, crawling further up his bed until he was resting his back against his headboard. He crossed his arms over his bare chest stubbornly, ignoring the protests of his wounds and cuts in his arms and chest at him doing so. "You should _go._ " He told her with a nasty snarl in his voice.

He should've known she would do the complete opposite.

"Eric, look at me." She told him softly, walking around the bed. "I'm fine. I'm here. I'm fine."

"You're _throat_..." He pointed out, like she didn't already know how not fine it was.

"Will survive." She finished for him, smiling slightly as she sat down on the bed next to him.

"It's your _throat_." Eric stated sternly, his stare on her severe. How could she be so relaxed about this? Had she put up her icy wall again? It didn't look like it. Her green eyes were swirling with warm emotions. She was still herself. Still feeling. Still open.

"Eric, _I'm_ _fine_." She repeated, crawling over to him, until she was seated right beside him, her hand resting on his thigh. "I know you didn't meant to hurt me. I shouldn't have come there."

"No, shouldn't have!" Eric bellowed, getting out of bed again, rolling to the other side of where she was seated. "Do you have any idea what kind of people come to that bar, Keena?! If I hadn't been there, and you'd walked in, you wouldn't have made it in one piece!"

"I can hold my own, Eric." Came her soft reply.

"No you can't! Not in there!" Eric snapped back. "Most people listen to me because they are _fucking shitting their pants_ when they see me, Keena. Those people in there? They only listen because they _respect_ me for my violence. There's a difference. They are just as ruthless, understood?!"

"Understood." Again with that sweet soft voice of hers. So warm. So delicate. Like a warm ray of sunshine in spring.

Why wasn't she getting angry?

"If I hadn't been there..." He trailed off. She could've been death right now. Or raped. Or bleeding out somewhere in an alley. There really was no way of knowing what could've happened.

"You _were_ there."

"That's not the point!" Eric bellowed, happy to have his feet firmly on the ground again. Being angry was so much more easy when you were standing. "You don't go wondering into random bars you don't know! Especially not when you're all alone and a tiny little female!"

"Alright, Eric." Keena relented softly, a small chuckle escaping her throat. "I won't go in there ever again. Not by my tiny little lonesome. Not without a chaperone."

He'd expected her to start yelling back by now, but she hadn't. Instead she just sat there, calmly on her knees on his bed, watching him with amused eyes. Fucking _laughing_ at his insult!

"But this is not why you're really mad, Eric." She continued and Eric shuddered with rage.

She wanted to talk about the reasons he was mad?! Did she enjoy him all riled up again?! He wanted to shout at her, tell her to shut up and leave it alone. He wanted to throw her out of his apartment so he could finally be alone – without a babysitter that tended to his wounds as if he was precious – as if this wasn't all just a big fat joke to her.

But her next words rendered him silent. The storm in his head disappeared.

"I'm not leaving you, Eric." She admitted in a whisper. Her green beautiful eyes staring up at him. "I'm not taking a job outside of this compound."

Eric didn't reply – at total loss for words to say – and just stared at her for the longest of times. Eventually, she crawled over the bed until she was right in front of him and stood up. Still on the bed. She had several inches over him from where he stood on the ground. Her hands came up to cup his face, her thumbs softly stroking his cheeks. But he couldn't look at her. Not yet.

"Eric, I'm not leaving you." She whispered again. "I'm _not."_

The sound of her voice was more soothing to him, than her touch could ever be. So warm. So sweet. So rich with emotion. He wanted to believe her. Her words were pulling him in. But she couldn't just decide this now. She already took the job.

Seemingly reading his mind, she started to explain.

"They offered me a job as interrogator for the Special Forces. My job is _in_ the compound."

Finally, Eric fixed his gaze upon her face, seeking out her bottle green eyes and finding only truth in them.

"They – you what?" It didn't make sense.

Keena smiled down on the still stoic mask he knew his face to be, strictly intended for gloomy and dark expressions only, but she wasn't paying attention to it. She was looking into his eyes instead. And Eric was all too sure those were just shining with hope.

"During the interview they were quite pleased with my ability to read people. They wanted me as a spy initially – because of the way I _look_ , no doubt – but after I turned down that first offer, they quickly offered me a job as interrogator instead."

"You turned them down?" Eric couldn't help the small twitch of his lips from showing on his face. This was his girl, casually turning down the second-best workplace in the compound, like it meant nothing to her.

"Well. I told them I didn't want to be a spy, because I was quite content living my life in the faction of my choosing. They told me I would change my mind once I've heard about all the exciting missions out there and I told them I wouldn't. I think they offered me this job as an interrogator with the hope I might still change my mind one day, but I won't Eric. I _won't._ "

Silence between them seemed to drag on forever, his more than little inebriated mind slow to catch up with everything she'd just said. He still didn't think this job was meant for her – the interrogating tactics of the Special Forces were far beyond what she would want – but she was strong and determined. If she really wanted this, there was no doubt she could make it.

And more importantly – albeit selfish – she would be working from out of the compound, within his reach to intervene may the need arise, and at an arm's length distance at night. Hopefully less.

There was just one other issue bothering him...

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I _tried._ But you jumped to conclusions and by the time I understood what the miscommunication was all about, you'd already stormed out the door."

"Yeah, that's not what I meant." Eric told her icily. "Why didn't you tell me about the interview? Why didn't you tell me about the offer."

"Oh. Well." Keena blushed, hopping of the bed and moving away from him. He followed her into the kitchen. For what purpose, he did not know. "They kind of jumped it onto me too. I was just walking the hallways this afternoon and they told me to 'come along', so I did. I had the interview and it was kind of obvious they expected an immediate answer. I could hardly tell them I wanted to 'think about it' when it's already such an honor to be asked. I was afraid they wouldn't want me anymore once I turned them down –"

Keena was rambling and Eric couldn't help but interrupt her with an amused sort of snort.

"They would be idiots _not_ to want you." Eric told her calmly.

She spun around on her bare feet, eyes shooting up at his. "Does this mean you're okay with it?" She asked hopefully.

No. It didn't mean that. He wasn't okay with her working for such a shady organization. He was sure they were still trying to trick her into becoming a spy for them. She'd been right; her appearance worked in her favor for a job like that – so small and innocent looking – she didn't look at all like a rough Dauntless agent.

Eric couldn't blame the Special Forces for wanting her to be a spy. People would be sure to trust her quickly. Her appearance was treacherous, her mind intelligent. She could connect with people easily and yet stay on the background for those she wished not to be seen by. She was a chameleon. Always had been, always would be. Eric still often wondered if she was, in fact, a Divergent. Hell, he had long since reached a point where he'd be more surprised if she wasn't.

Either way. She would be sure to succeed in her job at the Special Forces – whether it was as interrogator or spy – but she lacked a certain aspect for this line of work as well: Deviousness.

Keena wasn't the person to hurt people for the fun of it. Not like Eric himself, for example. Yes, Keena could be though as nails and was a real fighter, but she only ever did it in order to protect. She protected herself by becoming icy and distant. She protected others by becoming fierce and fiery. She wouldn't be able to stomach hurting people just to get some intel. She didn't _enjoy_ hurting others. She wouldn't enjoy the power it would gave her, having them scream out in pain, all because of her doing.

She would hate this job.  
But he wouldn't tell her that.

This was something she would have to find out for herself.

So, staring into her hopeful eyes, the moon illuminating her sparkly white skin, Eric couldn't help but nod.

"Yeah." He said, a tentative smile playing on his lips. "I'm okay with it."

She rushed to him –two, three, four steps– and then her face collided with his chest, her arms encircling him into a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry I challenged you." She breathed against his skin. "Back in the bar. I shouldn't have."

"I shouldn't have touched your throat." He said, kissing the top of her head. He didn't say the actual words, but it was implied and she knew. Her arms briefly flexing around him, hugging him even tighter.

They stood like that for quite a while. Eric's intoxication slowly making way for exhaustion. His eyes started to close as he buried his nose into her hair, breathing in the smell that was so ultimately her.

Crisp mandarin, freshly cut iris, patchouli and musk. Not too sweet, a bit of an edge to it and yet so, _so_ feminine.

"Do you want some tea?" Keena asked, breaking the silence. "I was going to make some."

"No." Eric breathed, clearing his throat when he found it all hoarse and breathy. "And neither do you."

He lifted her up in his arms then, her legs quick to clam around his waist for support while her arms hugged him tightly around his neck. He had simply meant to carry them both to bed, holding her in his warm embrace as they would fall asleep, but when she started bestowing sweet kisses on his jaw – the one heavily bruised from one of the fights – his fatigue slowly fade away. The murmur agains his skin, made his member come to life, and her next words had him throwing all resolve overboard:

"I'm not leaving you, Eric." She whispered in his ear as he bend over to toss the duvet out of their way. "I might've taken a damn long time to come to this point, and go after what makes me happy in life, but I'm not going to ever give it up now. I'm not going to give _you_ up."

Eric shuddered as he laid her down onto the mattress, her words warming him to his core. He hadn't realized he'd been wanting to hear those words, but now he did he was craving them again. And Keena – his beautiful, sweet and tempting Keena – was granting him his every wish.

"I won't ever give up on you, Eric. No matter how much you push me away."

Her words were god-sent, her lips forbidden fruit. He shouldn't be allowed to touch her. To _taint_ her. She was too good for him. Way too good. Too pure. Too sweet. Too everything he wasn't and could never be.

He shouldn't touch her.  
But he did it anyway.

He lied down onto her, his heavy weight pressing into her, his clothed hips rolling into hers. Her bare legs opened up for him, inviting him in. His mouth swallowing up the gasp threatening to escape her lips. He sallowed it up and kept it inside, desperate to own every little thing she had to give. Every whine. Every breath. Every plea... Every grunt. Every moan. Every touch.

They moved in unison against each other. Him, still with his trousers still on. Her, still with his sweater on. Until they suddenly weren't and all there was left was naked sinful skin.

She broke the kiss as he pushed into her, her lips dragging along his jaw and further down his neck until she found that pulsing vein. Suckled this patch of skin like her life depended on it, she moaned against it with every thrust he gave.

Their breaths were labored, their touches sweet as his muscles flexed underneath her tentative fingertips, exploring every inch of his shoulders. Of his back. Of his arse.

She grasped him there – for the first time, he thought – her fingers digging holes into his flesh there, trying to press him further into her. He roared her name as he glided over her sleek and sweaty body, pushing the duvet further away from him.

"Say it again." It wasn't an order – not really – more of a request. A plea. It was stupid but he wanted to hear her say it just one more time.

He had never had someone that was his before. Someone who looked at him as if he were the greatest person in the world. Someone he felt comfortable with to open-up to in the way he could with Keena. He'd always been so full of anger and rage. Always been so full of hurt and sadness. Sadness because his parents hadn't seen him – cared about him – like they ought. There was always something more important. There was always _someone_ more important.

He had never mattered –not really– not to anybody. Not until he had joined Dauntless. At least here he'd been a leader, but even all of the fame and importance that came with the job, Eric had still felt empty. He had figured that feeling important would fill that hole inside of him. That hollow feeling of miserable emptiness. But it never had.

For years he'd pushed on, hoping that one day he might find a cure. Perhaps one day he would feel valued like he craved to. And now he did. Keena made him whole. Every touch, every smile, every jest - all of it would help filling up that hole.

He just needed to hear her say it, one more time. At least for now. And she granted him his wishes like the magical creature she was.

"I won't ever leave you." She wheezed, staring into his eyes in earnest. "I'm yours, Eric. Forever yours."

He growled and attacked her mouth, lapping at her tongue with such vigor and ruthlessness, he was drawing blood. Neither seemed to care. Because she was his, and he could claim her as thoroughly as he pleased. And he would never be fully satisfied. Even now, when he was buried deep – so deep – inside of her, he wanted more of her still. He didn't think he would ever be completely done with claiming her – taking her – having her as his. Not when their bodies fucking melted together into one. Not when she screamed his name for the world to hear. Not when he'd filled her up with his strong spurts of vital seed, impregnating her with his baby.

Wait _what_?!

No time to think about it now, his hips snapped into her with more force and she was moaning his name out loud. His pace quickened even more, his hands groping her hips forcefully, holding her hips flat onto the mattress as he felt both of their orgasms approach.

"Oh, yes Eric! Yes-yes. _God,_ _yes_!" She cried into his mouth and he swallowed up all of her words, just like she would be swallowing up all of him.

His mouth left her mouth and instead opted to – for the first time – kiss her raw and swollen throat. Soothing the burning pain she must still feel with his tongue, she cried out his name as he hit a spot deep inside of her. Her fingers were pulling at his hear and pressing her further into her neck at the same time.

Their bodies such a perfect fit.

"Oh, Keena." He breathed against her neck as he pistoled himself into her time and again. He could feel her walls begin to flutter around him, his had throbbing everytime he reached that sweet spot deep inside. His balls were tightening, desperate for release and the feeling was just too damn overwhelming to focus on anything else. He let his lips dance across her throat on their own accord, panting into the crook of her neck, and moaning her name in soft grunts of unrestrained passion.

"Oh, yes, Keena. That's it." He edged on. "Let me feel what you can do."

She was only whimpering now, trying to gasp out his name, but not being able to focus on any other sound but the smacking of their bodies coming together, over and over again. She was close. So close. And so was he. But he bit through his carnal needs, bringing his head up to face her, forehead to forehead, gazes locked. She was panting with her mouth slightly open, little whines coming out of her, as he slowed down his thrusts.

He packed her lips, murmuring sweet nicknames against her soft pillows as he let his heavy body slither and slide over her small one. He was caging her, crushing into her, squeezing shut between his body and the mattress. She was _his,_ and his alone. No matter what all those little wankers outside tried to accomplish with her, it wouldn't work. She was his. Nobody else would ever see her like this. So full of emotion. So full of awe. So full of _him._

She was trembling now. As was he. Just one more push.

Sliding his hand between their sweaty salty bodies, he found her soaking clit, covered in her lavish juices. The first flick of his fingers had her biting his shoulder. The second flick had her moaning against it. The third flick and press of them onto her swollen pearl had her screaming out loud.

" _Eric_!" She cried at last, her walls fluttering all around him.

Now it was his turn too. He quickened his pace, forcefully fucking her through her orgasm. His shaft was pumping into her relentlessly, his words barked into the damp evening air:

"Yes, Keena. That's it! That's my good little girl! Scream for me, my little Dauntless! Let them know who owns your cunt!" His breaths were short. His voice raspy and hoarse. Four, five, six more of his thrusts and then he came inside of her with forceful spurts, his seed as deep as he'd wanted it to come. And what was best? He felt her eager cunt swallow it all. He didn't want a baby. Not yet. Not really, and he was pretty sure she was on the pill. Still, some part of him suddenly dreamt of having a baby with her, while he'd been sure he didn't want to have any kids at all.

Later. He would think about this later.

Focussing his attention back on Keena, who was still repeating his name, over and over again – although her cries had turned into soft sweet whispers by now.

He continued to pump his softening shaft into her for a little while longer, just enjoying the feel of it before he was totally spend and collided on top of her. It was a fucking cliché, especially with all the inventive and creative positions they usually tried out, but ending like this – in the fucking missionary stand – was completely different and infinitely more intimate than all the other positions. Better. More satisfying.

After a while of just laying there in silence, he finally pulled out of her, and pulled her back against his chest with one arm while his other reached for the duvet and threw it over them. And as they drifted off to sleep, Eric couldn't help but revel in the fact that he would have her there – in his arms – for a lifetime to come.

She was his.

And he was _not_ going to fuck that up.

* * *

 **Alright, that was it for now! Hope you enjoyed!**

 **I still have to start with the next two chapters (I'm quite indecisive about those), but for chapters thereafter I have stuff laying ready so we'll see how long it's going to take me to update.**

 **Perhaps a little wait is better, anyway. Fancy this: First you guys beg me for updates, and now I'm updating so much I'm overdoing it and you're all gonna hate me for spamming you (haha, I dearly hope not!).**

 **Either way, thanks for reading! And special thanks for reviewing! You guys make my day :)**


	51. Chapter 51: Chameleon in the Shark Tank

**So, I might've lied a bit when I told you last chapter this chapter would get more light-hearted, breezy and fun, but next one definitely will be. You'll see in the end. Things are about to change real soon.**

 **Anyway: Enjoy, keep safe, and lots of love as always.**

* * *

 **KPOV**

The week that followed their big misunderstanding happened without further troubles. At least between the two of them.

Her new job was... _different_ than expected – to say the least – and something she might need a bit of time for to get used to. She wouldn't complain. Not yet. Not until she'd seen everything there was to see, but she would be lying if she would say she wasn't the least bit of disappointed.

And of course, for some reason, Eric had just known.

* * *

 _Flashback  
(Monday, 7:32 pm)_

" _So, how was it?" Eric asked without lifting his eyes from the book in his lap as she entered his apartment. He always left the door unlocked for her._

" _Uhm... Interesting."_

" _Interesting?" Eric licked his fingers and turned a page, and Keena didn't know how to feel about his indifference._

 _On the one hand it soothed her, because she didn't want tot talk about it, but on the other hand, she felt that he might at least pretend to be a little bit more interested in her new job. Just to –you know?–_ humor _her._

" _Yes. Interesting." She repeated pointedly, walking over to the cabinets to poor herself some liquor._

" _I see." And he did. Quirking an eyebrow and glancing briefly up at her worn down face. "I took the liberty of already pouring you a glass." He told her, waving his hand over to the coffee table, where indeed a full glass of red whine was waiting for her._

 _So he was interested. He just knew she wouldn't want to talk._

" _Perfect." She sighed, walking over to him and falling back on the couch next to him._

 _Eric merely hummed in response, his arm coming out to pull her closer towards him as he continued his reading. She leaned her head on his shoulder for a bit at first, occasionally sipping her whine._

 _Eventually, when the whine was empty, she found herself in a fetal position, her head resting on his lap. His large warm hand came out to stroke her there, sometimes playing with one of her curls._

 _And life was good again._

 _She was just happy to be with him – unwinding in his presence, in his hold, at his touch – after this intense and more than little strange first day at work._

* * *

When she'd signed on, she'd expected mastermind criminals, mysteries and intrigue. What she'd gotten were a few feebleminded suspects in mediocre cases. She didn't expect the world just thrown into her lap in her first week on the job, but she was starting to have the feeling they were just trying to bore her into taking a position as a spy instead. Either that, or there really wasn't much to it.

Also, the way they treated their suspects was _horrifying._ She understood that some of these suspects were though and would never start talking without violence involved, but there was just something morally wrong about beating someone who didn't got the chance to fight back.

She didn't have to fight the suspects herself – thank god for that - but the alternative wasn't much better: She was put on the job to play the 'good cop' so to speak. Her 'charming and cute persona' as her boss (a formidable woman named Lloret Grey) so delicately put it, would serve well to throw some criminals off their game. After all, some had been locked inside the dungeons for months on end. No matter how though they were, they were craving some soft female touch by now.

So basically, Keena was used as bait. Like a boring doll standing in the corner of the room, smiling with sympathy as the men chained to their chairs got beaten up by the 'bad cops'. The more violent interrogators. _Torturers._

Although Keena was infinitely glad she wasn't forced to beat them, she just wished she was allowed to do more. She was probably just impatient. Jurisdiction, influence, authority... It all came with time. You needed to start at the bottom, and work your way up. Prove you belonged there. She got that. She really did. But even if she worked her way up, it didn't seem all that satisfying.

These next few weeks – or months, depending on how quick she caught up – were meant for her to shadow Hugo Korboski; the older gentleman that had been questioning her for the case on her siblings murderer. He was terrific. Truly. A great guy. And she honestly couldn't wish for a better mentor. It's just... Shadowing him was _so_ _boring._ If that was supposed to be her future, she wasn't even sure she wanted it.

And for now, it was just plain dreadful.

She wasn't allowed to talk, walk or even _think_ on her own. Just watch, learn and study. And she got that she had a lot to learn from others. She was new to this business. She would do well to listen to others, and learn from their knowledge as well as mistakes, but at the same time... When her instincts were not in line with the conclusions Hugo would come up with, did it necessarily mean she was wrong and he was right? Or did it mean that maybe they should stick their heads together to come up with all possibilities before anyone jumped to any conclusions?

This hierarchy and command structure in this place were just not... _logical._ But she could hardly tell anyone, lest she sound like the damn Erudite she knew herself to be as well.

Luckily, in that matter, Hugo wasn't the problem. Hell, he seemed actually interested in her ideas. It was their boss that wouldn't let her speak her mind.

* * *

 _Flashback  
_ _(Thursday 3:13 pm)_

" _I don't think he knows, sir." Keena whispered to Hugo as they watched Norman, one of the 'interrogators' aka torturers, beating the crap out of their suspect. Blood was flying everywhere. Luckily, they were in the backroom, behind the mirror-window._

 _The suspect – some factionless in his mid-fifties that had refused to say his name – was just laughing in this crazy deranged manner as he took every hit with a smile on his face. Unofficially Keena called him Mr. Smiley._

" _I ain't gonna tell you no shite, sir!" Mr. Smiley sputtered between breaths, still laughing._

" _What makes you say that?" Hugo lifted an eyebrow at her. "Look at his smug face."_

" _His laugh isn't the arrogance of knowing something we don't know, it's pleasure. He's enjoying the pain, sir, basking it in like it's the best bloody thing in the world."_

" _He could be enjoying the pain_ and _know what we want to know. One doesn't necessarily exclude the other."_

" _True, but what do we really have on him? He's a factionless that just happened to be at the wrong place the wrong time. It's not uncommon for a man without a home to stray to more secluded area's in town."_

" _And that's a gamble your willing to take? What if he is the man that kidnapped the Candor girl?"_

" _Yeah, I would take that gamble. Think about it. He's a factionless that's enjoying his time in here. I would too, if the alternative was a life of poverty in the city. At least here he gets his food for free, he has a roof over his head,_ and _he is treated like he is important. Yes, a dangerous kind of importance, the kind that get's him beaten up and bloody, but wouldn't you rather be bruised and powerful than hungry and miserable too?"_

" _Hmm." Hugo seemed to genuinely ponder on this before he spoke again. "None of this eliminates the possibility he knows where this girl is, though."_

" _If he did know, telling us would set him up for a life in jail. He would be granted a warm bed and three meals a day for years to come. If he's already enjoying his stay here in these crappy dungeons, he would absolutely die for something as fancy as Candor's prison."_

 _Hugo looked at her with a secretive gleam in his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips. But before he could say anything Lloret entered the interrogation room as well._

" _Quite the chatty tongue you have there, don't you?" The woman lifted a pierced brow. "Be careful with that. The next time I find out you've been disobeying my orders, I'll cut it out."_

" _Lloret, don't be so dramatic." Hugo chuckled at the older women, apparently they were friends. "She was actually quite helpful. You see, she –"_

" _I don't care what she is." The gruff lady interrupted icily. "If I say jump, she jumps. If I say crouch, she crouches. And if I say fucking shadow and stay silent, she will fucking shadow and stay silent. Understood?"_

 _Keena nodded her head quickly. Hugo merely rolled his eyes. Watching the two of them through narrowed down eyes, Lloret pursed her lips in disdain but quickly left after._

" _Don't worry." Hugo nudged her as soon as she was gone. "She's got a loud bark but doesn't bite. She's harmless, really. Just a bit cold to those she doesn't know and trusts yet."_

 _When Hugo left the room as well, no two minutes later, Keena was left with the sole other person in the room who had remained silent up until that point._

 _Hearing his evil laughter as soon as the door fell closed behind Hugo, Keena turned to look at his spiteful person with an unimpressed face._

" _Man, man, man." He chuckled wickedly. "Am I gonna enjoy watching you get sacked."_

 _She merely rolled her eyes and turned away._

* * *

Which brought her to another less than ideal aspect of her new job: Drake fucking Harrison.

Yes, that's right.

She was put into the same training track as that jackass that had interrogated her like she'd been a suspect for her own sibling's murder. And, believe it or not, he fucking _hated_ her even more for it.

Whatever she'd done to him, he had it out for her. Constantly going out of his way to raise fucking _hell,_ just because he could _._ He would find something to complain about every five seconds, and 99% of the time it was about her 'incompetence'.

Apparently, if one was to believe Drake, a _failing newbie like_ _her,_ should not be allowed to be trained in the same track as some as _advanced as_ _himself_ – someone with years and years of experience over her.

This was slightly ironic, seeing how he only was half a year older than her, and had only been doing this job for the past three months, but granted: He _had_ been in the old wave of recruits – those who had still been allowed to have their choosing ceremony at age 16 instead of 18 – _and_ he was a Dauntless born. So, yeah. Even though it pained her to admit it; he really had some significant experience over her.

Still. He didn't have to be such a jackass about it.

* * *

 _Flashback  
(Tuesday 10:10 am)_

" _How could you not know that?! It's on page 312 of the guide Hugo gave you!"_

" _You mean the guide he gave me literally twenty whole minutes ago?!"_

" _It's not our fault you're an exceptionally slow reader."_

" _Oh, pardon me. But you know, perhaps I would be quicker, if you'd cut back on the idle insults every now and then! It's a distraction, you know!"_

" _Yeah? Well. Perhaps if you'd stop making up excuses for your lousy work ethic, you'd actually get some work done fore a change!"_

 _She huffed but didn't respond_

* * *

She knew engaging him by responding would only make things worse, but he had a way of crawling under her skin.

She'd never met anyone who hated her this much. Sure, she'd had her fair share of people having it out for her since coming here, Eric and Jasper surely the most prominent buggers of them all, but even their worst was nothing compared to Drake's finest.

This guy was just blunt rudeness, but without the cleverness of either Eric's or Jasper's insults. Even back in the day she hadn't liked either of them, she had still been able to admit they were quite intelligent and original in their insults. Especially Eric.

Tinkerbell. Flower-midget. One had to admit, it was a clever find.

But Drake was just constantly bringing up her siblings and 'sad little background story', like... who did he think he was? Who in their right minds would use someone's late family against you? You had to be heartless for that.

So after three days of firing back at him, she'd decided not to respond at all anymore. At work, she would put up her walls of ice around her. She was strictly business. Blocking out all other emotions.

* * *

 _Flashback  
(Friday, 11:08 am)_

" _You're going to fail, you know." He tried to provoke her. But she wouldn't bite. No anymore._

" _Hmm." She responded noncommittally. "So you keep telling me."_

" _Just like you've failed saving your poor little siblings." He tried again, narrowing her eyes at her indifference._

 _She didn't respond._

 _So he gave up._

* * *

It was better this way. This way her heart wouldn't ache so much as one of the suspects, chained to their chairs, would be forced to take beat after beat after beat. This way, she wouldn't have to care when Drake made some nasty comments about her, her past, or –worst– siblings.

It was working great this way. Lloret had even complimented her for it – her cool levelheadedness – not that her closed off demeanor allowed her to really care, but still. It was something. Especially coming from someone as though as her.

So, yeah. Keena had found her way.

She'd found a way to manage.  
She'd found a way to succeed.

The only negative side-effect it seemed to have, was that her icy walls were hard to melt, even after her workday was finished. It was difficult to relax and turn the heat back on. Even in the safe haven that was Eric's apartment. Or arms.

Eric had noticed her shift in demeanor as well. Keena was sure of it. At first he hadn't said anything about it, but she could feel it in her bones. Feel it in his stares. So eventually, she'd snapped at him.

* * *

 _Flashback  
(Friday, 7:51 pm)_

 _She could feel his severe stare on her as she chopped the paprika with a – perhaps somewhat – extreme amount of passion. She couldn't help it. She just needed to unload the anger._

 _She'd wanted to go to the gym and take it out on some poor punching back, or something with knifes if she would know where to find them, but had decided against it last minute. She already saw so little of Eric these days, she just wanted to spend her time of with him._

 _Surely, once Eric and her became an item for the world to see, she would have more time to spare for the gym. At least then, she wouldn't have to pretend to not see or notice him when she crossed him in busy hallways, or in the Mess Hall during lunch. At least then she could stop by at his office for a quick talk, hug or kiss without his secretary asking her what she was there for. At least then, they could be seen together, which opened up possibilities of where they could go at night._

 _Perhaps they could even blow off some steam together, once in a while._

" _What?!" Keena snapped eventually, getting fed up with the unspoken judgement. "Say it. Just fucking say it. Spit it out!"_

 _Eric smirked high-handedly but didn't comment. Stupid ass prat._

" _You wan't me to quit my job, right? Is that it?!"_

 _He quirked an eyebrow but kept his silence, watching her from behind that stupid stoic mask of his. Why couldn't he just fucking show his emotions for once?! Why did he have to be such a... a..._

" _Well, it's only been five days, Eric! I don't care what you think. I'm not a quitter! I won't fail!"_

 _His amusement disappeared._

" _Snap the fuck out of it." He ordered, his voice a dangerous low hiss. "You're not mad at me, you're mad at yourself. You hate your fucking job, great! I do too! Because genuinely, it turns you into a fucking bitch."_

" _What did you just call me?!"_

" _That is to say, more than usual." Eric continued unbothered, his voice still calm as day. "But I won't join that sad little pity party you have going on._ You _wanted this job. It's been only five days. Do you really want to give up now?!"_

" _No." She growled, smashing the knife so hard into the cutting board that it got stuck. "But I hate it, Eric! I hate it so much." She shuddered just thinking about it. With her icy walls, everything was fine. But once they came down, she was forced to deal with the reality of things._

 _Today, she'd watched how a man's fingers were cut off with a fucking axe, all because he refused to tell them where he'd brought the stolen bread from Amity to. Sure, the theft involved around 230 loaves – the guy had highjacked a baker's trucks to Erudite – but the man had just been hungry! Was it really just the Abnegation or Amity in her that enabled her to feel compassion for the man? Or was it the Erudite in her, making the man's desperate point of view seem almost logical?_

 _He hadn't deserved his fingers chopped off.  
Even in the hands of the Special Forces, he'd still been trying to provide for his family. _

_But the people she'd been working with seemed to have little compassion in their bones. Drake had basked in the gory scene, feeling right at home in the cruelness of it all. Lloret had softly chuckled when the man had pissed his pants, and even Hugo had looked on with a clear indifference at the entire situation._

 _She'd known most Dauntless weren't exactly the most sympathetic of people – the faction clashed most with Amity for a reason – but the Special Forces seemed to be overdoing it._

 _Sure, a lot of people thought the same of Eric, but for some reason, Eric had never seemed too cruel to her. Well, that is to say; he was cruel – a ruthless bastard, no doubt – but she'd always understood Eric's logic behind it. At least his ruthlessness found it's roots in logic. At least he had proper reasons to act out as much as he did. Even if it was unfair._

 _But these people... her bosses, her coworkers, her team. They seemed to have little reasoning apart from the standard 'because we want to know'. Their ways might be quick and efficient, but they were also immoral. It was like a wicked game of power for them. Kill or be killed._

 _The rest of Dauntless wasn't like that. She'd been here long enough to determine that. No, this type of cruelty was restricted to the Special Forces Department only, it seemed._

 _Defeated, she let herself sink down against the kitchen counter, until she was seated on the floor. Face in her hands._

" _This is not for me, Eric." She breathed out exhausted. "I am not like them. I can't do what they do..."_

 _Should she tell him? Should she tell him about her divergence? Would he understand? Or would he call up Jeanine and tell her she'd been right all along? She doubted he would. No. She knew he wouldn't... And yet, she didn't feel completely at ease in telling him. She was letting him see so much of herself, but he hadn't shown her all that much. Nothing apart form those small few gentle interactions, and no matter how amazing those moments were, no matter how much she adored them treasured them... She couldn't give him all of her, without him giving anything in return._

 _So, she kept silent._

 _She kept silent as Eric walked over to her.  
She kept silent as he crouched down next to her.  
She kept silent as his fingers lifted her chin in that gentle soothing way. _

" _Hey." He rumbled softly yet sternly, his stare just as severe as before. "You can do_ anything." _He let the words sink in for a bit, his eyes never leaving hers._

 _This was exactly what she'd been talking about. These little moments in which he would allow her to see his softer and more gentle sides. It was a bliss. Truly amazing._

 _But it also wouldn't last very long._

 _As if on cue, he dropped his fingers away from her chin, instantly making her miss that little reassuring touch, and got up... looming all tall and superior above her now._

" _Just don't let them take the best of you." He snarled, his anger shining through. "If you don't like what you see, change it. Either by taking on a different job, or by changing the system from within. But whatever you do, don't go hiding behind those fucking walls of ice of yours. You're Dauntless now, not a coward. Understood?"_

 _Keena nodded but stubbornly averted her eyes away from him. He was right, she knew that. Confronting, but true. His words were exactly what she'd been needing to hear... But that didn't mean she suddenly had to like them._

" _C'mon." Eric's outstretched hand appeared in front of her face when she kept avoiding looking his way. "Let's order something instead."_

 _She tried to look at him annoyed but a particular resolute smile was pushing it's way onto her face. Little bugger. "Eric, I've already started diner."_

" _No. You've slaughtered a sole paprika." His eyes were challenging her. "And honestly, with such a dark and gloomy look on your face, I don't really trust you with my precious kitchen knives."_

" _You're an arse." She muttered under her breath. But she took his hand anyway and quickly forgot all about her dreadful job as his lips caught hers in a stolen kiss._

* * *

Keena had tried to follow his advice, but – as a newbie who was supposed to shadow and keep her mouth shut – changing things was easier said than done.

She hadn't wanted to put her icy walls back in place, though. She knew Eric was afraid of losing her when she did and she couldn't really blame him for that. Too long had she frozen over her emotions. Too long had she pretended that everything was alright when it really wasn't.

The emotional drama that had followed it all: The revelation of finding out, remembering, seeing flashes of truth in her fear-landscape... it had left her quite the wrack. She'd been a zombie for weeks on end. No one had been able to get through to her. She didn't want that anymore. She didn't want to bottle things up until they exploded, and she wasn't in control anymore.

Not in control of when and where she became messy.  
Not in control of what and how much came out.  
And not in control of who could see.

So, no.

She hadn't wanted to put those walss back up. That haze. That mist. That glass fucking castle she'd build so well. But it had made watching the torture so much worse. So awful. So unbearable. It made her entire job unbearable... She could only see the hurting. And for what? Some stupid ass knowledge? It almost seemed like an Erudite thing to do. So cold. So heartless. And all in the name of intel.

So, no matter how awful it was and no matter how much she'd tried to hide it from Eric. Keena hadn't been able to stop it. She couldn't help it. At work, she needed those walls to survive.

" _Sir!"_ Both Hugo and Drake perked up as someone entered the room, and Keena was once again reminded of that awful place she found herself in.

She didn't turn to look at the new addition to their party. She didn't need to. She knew it was him. All of her senses knew it was him.

"I didn't expect you until tomorrow." Hugo admitted sheepishly, thinking he'd clearly made the mistake.

Anyone would. Eric was a punctual and precise man, and even if he'd been the one in the wrong, he surely wasn't the kind of men that would appreciate being told so.

"I know." Eric's voice betrayed no emotion, but the authority made even Keena shiver. "But I had time to spare now."

She could feel his eyes on the side of her face. Pins and needles prickling her cheek.

She made a point of not looking at him.

"Oh, of course." Hugo nodded. "Drake, go and fetch the files for me in my office. Take Keena with you to show her where they are, for next time."

Keena tried so hard not to look at Eric as she passed him, torn between the safety of her icy walls or letting his gaze crumble them down. Eventually, she pushed through and chose for safety. She was at work anyway, no one could know about her and Eric. Not for another 5 days.

Preparing for a whole new load of insults coming from Drake, Keena pushed her way through the door with squared shoulders, but oddly enough, Drake didn't say a word. Hell, he barely seemed to be aware she was right there behind him. Out in the open. Just waiting for his verbal attack.

His steps were hurried and full of purpose, but not in the terrified way one might imagine with Eric waiting on you. Instead, there was a certain rush to it, like he couldn't wait to get back. She swore she saw a slight jump in his steps as well.

"You idolize him."

The words fell from her mouth as the thought first came to her, but it made sense. The proud way he'd spoken about Eric the first time they'd met, the perking up, the useless cruelness in all of his words. He was a copycat. A bad deduction of the original. Smaller, less powerful, less intelligent, less everything. But a deduction nonetheless.

Oh, the irony.

This boy who made her feel as crappy as possible, craved to be the person who made her feel like she was soaring _._ The idea of it had her laughing out loud for a split second before Drake's fist connected with her jaw.

"You don't know what the fuck your talking about!" He yelled in her face, before another fist collided with her nose.

Keena stumbled backwards on her feet, her head pounding because of the unexpected blows. The blood in her ears was rushing loudly, like an all-consuming buzz.

It didn't take long for her to fight back, though. To be honest, she hadn't been keeping up much with her fighting skills as much as she ought, but luckily Drake seemed to have the same problem. They writhed and struggled and trashed around. Bumping up to the metal lockers in this dark and gloomy hallway.

The conversation that had started the fight was long since forgotten, and instead they put all of their pined up frustration over one another into every smack of their fists. He bashed her head against the wall, and she bit his upper arm. They were evenly matched, even if he had several inches over her. Both in length and width. But she had speed. They fought and yelled and fought some more, until they were suddenly rudely pulled apart.

She knew it was Eric. There was no way she could ever mistake those big warm hands as they rested against her midriff, pulling her trashing body away from the lad currently being restrained by Hugo.

"There you are." Eric chuckled in her ear, so the others couldn't hear. Not over the loud yells and insults Drake drake was still shouting her way. "There's my little hellcat. I was wondering when your claws would come out."

He was enjoying this. Enjoying how her icy walls had crumbled down with the least bit of provocation.

Well, she wasn't.

She'd lost her temper, once again. Everything was falling apart. She used to be so sharp, so determined, so focussed, but these days... These days she had no control. Over _nothing._ It made her feel small and useless and downright lost.

Eric seemed to notice her shift in demeanor as well. _God._ Was there ever _anything_ this man didn't notice?!

"Take that boy to cool off!" He ordered Hugo. An annoyed snarl lacing his voice. "I'll bring this one to your office."

This seemed to only set Drake further off and Keena watched him trash against Hugo's hold until Eric forcefully pushed her into the direction of Hugo's office.

Once he'd closed the door behind them with a loud bang, he swiftly turned around and looked her over.

"Are you alright?" He asked, assessing her from head to toe. She had a bleeding nose, but it wasn't broken, and a nasty split lip. Other than that she was good. Although there would definitely be bruises tomorrow.

"Don't fucking baby me, Eric." She snapped, shrugging him off as he caught a drop of blood - falling from her lip - with his thumb. "What are you doing here anyway?"

He didn't respond. Or at least, he didn't answer her question when he eventually did speak. "When I told you to change things you didn't like, I didn't mean you fucking remodel the face of the other trainee!"

"Not?!" Keena retorted sarcastically. "You could've made that more clear. I'm sure."

Eric was looking white with rage, but instead of snapping – like he always did – he really seemed to make an effort at keeping it in check.

"You put them back up, didn't you?" It wasn't a question. Not really. The accusation was shining through clearly.

And just like that all of her remaining fury left her system, and all that was left was that godawful feeling of _guilt._ Fuck. She had put them up, and kept them up. Even with him standing in front of her. She'd just snapped at him - and had been distant and cold – all because she wasn't able to get her fucking emotions under control. She was either too much or too little.

It was so hard to fit in. To be just one thing when she was, in fact, all five of them.

Her mouth fell open, wanting to come up with anything to say, but the words failed her.

"Yeah. That's what I thought." Eric snarled.

And without another word he walked out the room.  
Leaving her and her stupid ass tears alone.

* * *

 **EPOV**

"Eric!" Lloret jumped in her seat as he stormed into her office.

"The new girl. Hyde. I want her gone."

"What?" Lloret asked confused. "Hugo says she's showing tremendous potential –"

"I don't care. I want her from this team. Sack her for all I care, but she'll be able to do more bad than good in here."

"I don't want her in here any more than you do, Eric. I want her as a spy."

" _Fire_ _her_ , Lloret." Eric bellowed. _"Today._ That's an order."

And with that, he strode out of her office, ignoring all her pleas of closing the door behind him on his way out.

* * *

From that moment on, Eric had been waiting. Waiting for the onslaught he was sure to come.

But it hadn't.  
Not yet.

She hadn't come storming into his office.  
She hadn't come storming into his apartment.  
She hadn't come at all.

So, he'd went looking for her instead.

He'd went to her apartment. But she hadn't been there.  
He'd went to the Mess Hall. But she wasn't there either.

Two of her friends had been – that annoying piece of clinginess Gale, and his sidekick Maximus – but Keena hadn't been with them. So, he'd looked on.

He'd went to the chasm and even climbed down. Not there either.  
He'd went to the roof and every training room he could think of, only to find them empty.

She seemed to have disappeared.  
Until suddenly, she was in front of him.

Just a small bumble of blonde curls in the middle of the hallway, staring up at him with an unreadable expression on her face. Her body language spoke volumes though: Withdrawn. Insecure. Exhausted. It left Eric confused as to the lack in anger.

"You got me fired." She stated matter of factly. There was no hint of emotion in her voice.

There was no point in lying. "I know." Eric stated just as calm. His toneless voice a perfect match to her own.

"Do you regret it?"

Eric trailed his eyes over her face until he'd found her green orbs. They used to sparkle with emotion. So bright. So full of life. But they didn't now. They hadn't done so for days. Not since she'd started that dreadful job.

Eight days, he'd watched it through.  
Eight days, he'd waited for her to quit on her own.  
Eight days, had been more than enough.

What was the point of being a leader – to be in a position of absolute authority – when you didn't use it for your own benefit at times? He'd been losing her again. She'd been losing herself. She was a chameleon: She would make herself invisible just to suit the rest and fit in, even if that meant taking on colors that didn't suit her at all.

"No." He told her honestly. "No, I don't regret it one bit."

She looked at him with furrowed brows and Eric expected her to yell at him any second now. To shout and tell him just what a cruel piece of shit, entitled jerk and conceited jackass he was. But she surprised him like she always did... like she always had.

Every time he thought he'd finally done it and figured her out – every time he was sure he knew her tells at last – she would flip over the table, and make him start all over again.

Just like now.

Because instead of getting angry – instead of shouting, fighting or even storming off – she rushed over to him instead, throwing her arms around him in a tight embrace, hanging onto him for dear life.

"Thank you." She sobbed, surprising him with this strange turn of events. "I never would've been able to quit on my own."

Eric's shock was quick to make way for relief as his own arms enveloped her, hugging her back just as tightly. He had been preparing for war, but the appeasement of not having to fight her was overwhelming.

He knew he was a controlling dick, and it was sure to get him into trouble with her someday. But for now he was just glad that someday wasn't today. At least for now, his selfish behavior and her needs had aligned.

Kissing the top of her head gently, he was about to suggest to go back to his place, when a loud gasp behind him disrupted their little bubble of privacy. Or at least their unjust feeling of it.

Keena stiffened in his hold, while Eric was quick to scowl his face back into an angry sneer before slightly turning his head around.

"See! It is _him_!" The toffee-colored girl hissed to her friend, before both girls quickly ran of, giggling loudly as they went. Great. Two teenage girls of tops 14-years-old. This was sure to get round.

Keena was groaning in embarrassment, hiding her face in his shirt, but for some reason Eric couldn't find it in him to care. With a smirk that couldn't be contained, he swung her over her shoulder and walked them back to his apartment. Not even caring if anybody saw them together right now.

* * *

 **So, that's it for now.  
Next up: A lot of pestering by their friends. **

**Make sure to review if you find the time! Get's me smiling every time.**


	52. Chapter 52: Up Against That Door

**Short chapter but enjoy!**

* * *

 **EPOV**

"Eric, Eric, Eric." Zeke tsk-ed with a wide grin as he swung his long legs over the bench opposed from him. "You never guess what a little bird whispered in my ear this morning."

It was lunchtime, and by now the story of how two children had caught Eric cuddling in the middle of a deserted hallway had fully made its way throughout the compound.

All day, Eric had been met with wide stares and loud whispers. Everyone wanted more information about the sudden "scandal" floating around their super mysterious and unattainable leader. Of course, this wasn't the first sexual piece of gossip surrounding him, but it was a first on the scale of intimacy.

In a way, Eric was sure that "two children of four and five years old walking in on him having sex with a woman in their own fucking nursery" would've caused way less upheave than this piece of gossip about him _hugging_ someone in the hallways _._

Sure enough, they were sort of right in that aspect. Eric had never really thought twice about having sex with someone he found attractive, and yet simple acts of intimacy – like a hug, or a kiss on top of the head – was completely out of character for him. Until Keena, that is.

Still, the faction members needed to get their priorities straight.

"No. I'm pretty sure I do." Eric replied with a wicked smirk of his own, making several several people at their table gasp in shock. One even went as far as dropping his mouth open in absolute astonishment. So much for being sneaky in their attempts of listening in on the conversation.

Zeke's eyebrows shot up as well. "So, it's true then?"

"Zeke. It's not the first time I kissed a girl in a hallway." He gave his friend a pointed look. "I don't even remember her name."

Zeke's smile widened, but he took the hint. "No. I'm sure you don't." He chuckled, his eyes telling Eric that they would continue this conversation later. "I'm sure you didn't even remember it when you fucked her again, this morning."

Eric couldn't help it. A bark of laughter escaped his throat.

This morning had been _fantastic._ It had started off great already. At first, Eric had simply laid back in bed, taking in the glorious show that was Keena's embarrassment. Her worries about their eye-witnesses the evening prior, was nothing short of amusing. Seriously, Eric doubted he'd ever seen anything more hilarious than Keena's hysteria.

Granted, he hadn't expected as much upheave about it as it had gotten, so she'd been sort of right to be worried, but honestly, it wasn't as if Eric cared.

In fact, he couldn't care less.

He hadn't cared when two teenagers walked in on them, and he certainly hadn't cared when the normally empty hallway of his apartment was suddenly packed with nosy member this morning, just 'casually' walking by on their way to work. Even if said work was on the other side of the bloody compound.

No, Eric hadn't cared about any of that.

The people had still jumped out of his way when he'd walked through that door on his way out. They had all still kept in their breaths, afraid the smallest of sounds would send him off flying.

Yeah... Rumors or not. Everyone was still pretty afraid of him. Just the way he liked it.

So for Eric, there had been no problem. None whatsoever. None at all.

Now Keena... Keena did have problems with it. She hadn't dared to set foot out of his apartment. Not before he had to leave for work, anyway. Come to think of it, it was a real possibility she was still there, locked up in his apartment.

But even that wouldn't be a problem for Eric.

* * *

 _Flashback_

" _What's the deal, anyway?" Eric asked, grinning as Keena was taping a random piece of paper to his door, on the place where his peephole was. Even if the whole point of a peephole was to be able to look out, not in. "You've been sacked. The whole reason of hiding us – the whole 'letting people get to know you before you link yourself to me' thing – is pretty much done now"._

 _Keena turned to face him. "Eric. You do realize I have to find myself a new job now, right? And getting sacked in my second week, doesn't exactly bid well for me, now does it?"_

 _Eric's grin widened. "It would if they'd knew I was the one ordering your boss to fire you. Which would make a whole lot more sense for people, if they'd knew I was dating you. That way I'm just the big bad boo-man Eric again, making others bend to my will. Job offers will come flying, just because they pity you."_

" _What?! No! That's awful! They can't know that!" She looked at him astound. "Then they would immediately think I'm the type of girl that lets her boyfriend decide everything for her, because she can't standup for herself! And I can standup for myself!"_

" _Your boyfriend, hm?" Eric's grin was no longer a grin. A full-blown smile lifted his features. The feeling of it was odd, but good._

" _I – That's not... I mean."_

" _Oh my God. Am I your boyfriend?" Eric stalked up to her, like a lion to its gazelle, the wickedness back in his smile. "Do you think I'm your boyfriend?"_

" _Eric." She warned, smacking him hard against his chest, trying to push him away from her._

 _But it wouldn't work. She wouldn't succeed. He was determined now. So he stepped closer, and closer and closer, until eventually her back was pressed against his door. The one with that hideous piece of paper over his peephole._

" _Do you want me to be your boyfriend?" His voice was a sneer and he laced it with laughter and humiliation._

" _Eric..." She said again. But this time it was no warning. This time it was a plea. Definitely a plea. But for what she didn't seem to know either. "Eric, please. I didn't mean..." She was quivering now. Undecided on whether to feel thrilled or scared by his behavior._

" _Do you really think I would want such a lousy appalling title, tied to my good name?" He jested, whispering in her ear. "Especially since you haven't even asked me properly_. _" He stretched out the last word, grinning in full._

 _At this, Keena sparked back to life and pushed against his chest. "Oh my god, your such a jacka–"_

 _But Eric hadn't let her finish those words._

 _Instead, he'd kissed her. Deeply. Thoroughly. Up against that door.  
And later. He had undressed her. And fucker her. Up against that door.  
And she'd been screaming. Loudly. Wildly. Up against that door. _

_For anyone to hear. Anyone who had felt the sudden need to walk passed that fucking door._

 _And when she came. Loudly. Up against that door.  
She hadn't cared one bit. None at all. None whatsoever...  
Who was behind that fucking door. _

_End of flashback_

* * *

"So, the two of you are still sneaking around, even after you got her sacked?" Zeke asked, after Eric had more or less explained the status quo. Zeke was lounging on the sofa in Eric's office, pondering up at the ceiling.

"She's determined to find a new job first. On her own, it appears." Eric acknowledged, walking over to his liquor cabinet.

"But all good vacancies are filled." Zeke frowned. "Without connections to you, she won't be able to find anything good. Not after she got sacked in her second week."

"That's what I said, but... You know." Eric waved his hand in the air, something that must suffice as "women", "Keena does what she does", or something else equally vague. He wasn't entirely too sure what he meant with it himself.

"And she doesn't want your help?" Zeke asked again, clearly baffled by it all. Eric couldn't blame him. If he didn't know her so well, he would too.

But he understood. She wanted to establish herself now. Something of her own. Something that she could keep, even if things wouldn't work out between them.

She'd been a bigger sister for most of her life. Until suddenly she wasn't. She hadn't been able to cope with that, and sure, the way it happened – the way her siblings got torn away from her – was nothing short of traumatic. But it wouldn't surprise Eric for one bit if some small part of her unconscious mind had also wanted to forget that she no longer knew who she was without them.

Her entire life had been devoted to her siblings.  
Her entire identity had been tied to them as well.

And once they were ripped away from her... It couldn't have been easy.

Who was she, if not a sister?  
Who was she, if not a caretaker?

So yeah, Eric understood. She didn't want to have to go through the same identity crisis – if or when – he would ever be ripped away from her too. Either by choice or accident. She didn't want to depend on him for being who she was, even to the rest of the faction.

Who was she, if not Eric's girlfriend?

He understood she the question, he did. He just thought it was a bunch of bullshit that she was so determined to find the answer in a job. And even if she _did_ find the answer in a job, what difference would it make if he would've helped her on that track?

He could give her a head-start, but it was _she_ who would have to make her own way.  
He could pass her a ball, but it was _she_ who either scored or mucked it up.

"No, she doesn't." Eric cleared his throat, pouring them both another brandy, before handing it to his friend. Zeke went to sit upright again. "But I've given her her five days left. After that I'm going to make things public between us, whether she wants me to or not."

"And does she wants you to?"

Eric grimaced, taking a deep swig of his glass. "She asked me along to her birthday party."

Zeke sputtered his sip back in his glass. "She _what_?!"

Eric stared at his friend with a look as if to say 'I don't know man'. And he didn't. How was he supposed to be there, without being there 'for her'.

"Her birthday is in two days. So, she and her friends are going out tomorrow... _Clubbing."_ Eric stated with significance, and Zeke's ears piqued up. "And Keena has asked me to sort of _be_ _there_ as well... Without really, _coming_ _along,_ of course. I think she's just hoping for something like New Years Eve. But then with a quick stolen kiss from me."

"Where to?" Zeke asked, all hyped up. His mind running off with the possibilities of clubs.

"Inferno."

The look on Zeke's face was priceless. His eyes twinkling. Grin wicked. "Oh, man! I'm _so_ coming along for this! She has no idea, has she?"

"No."

"Have you told her?"

"Of course not."

Zeke laughed out loud. "You evil man. Do you think you'll be able to keep your jealousy in check?"

Eric's smirk was nothing short of terrifying. "Just for once, I am more afraid of hers."

* * *

 **Please review!**


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